Expectations for Younger Women | Titus 2:4-5

You are ambassadors for Christ. Did you know

that? That's what Paul said to the Corinthian

church way back in the first century. Wherever

you go in this world, you represent the truth

of God's word, he said. Let me say that again.

Wherever you go in this world, you represent

the truth of God's word. That is true of us today.

Whether we're consciously aware of it as we sort

of stumble into our day, that is true of us.

And it's a biblical truth that we should not

take lightly, something that we should intentionally

try to keep in the forefront of our thinking,

that we are walking models of what it means to

know Jesus as Savior and Lord. Paul puts it this

way, it's as though God himself were making an

appeal through you. Through us, he is appealing

to the people around us. to become as we are,

reconciled to God through the sacrifice of His

Son, who became sin on our behalf. And as a result,

by His grace, His righteousness has been credited

to our account before the Father. That's the

appeal that God is making through us, that the

people around us too can be reconciled in that

same way. And what an amazing reality that we

possess. First, positionally, that we are actually

really seen as righteous before the Father. And

second, practically, that we now have the privilege

of showing the world what it looks like to live

out that identity as a son or daughter of God,

to let people around us see the changes in our

lives, to have them see that the Christian life

is beautiful and that it's consistent with the

way God designed us. in his image, that we're

flourishing in that design that he gave us. It's

a beautiful, beautiful thing. So we have a positional,

beautiful status and a practical, beautiful status.

So it's true, the world is watching. Today, tomorrow,

when you go to work, when you go to the mall,

whatever, the world is watching, the people you

know, the people around you, especially the people

to whom you have professed that you are a Christian.

Those people are really watching, the ones who

know that you go to church, the ones who know

that the life of the church is central to who

you are. They're watching. And we should be glad

that they're watching because God has saved us

in part for that very purpose that we would be

ambassadors, living, breathing, walking gospel

tracks to a lost and dying world. Here's the

way Dr. MacArthur once put it. I like this. He

said, if the saving grace of Christ is to reach

all men, it's going to depend on the character

of the church. If we honor the word, silence

the critics, and demonstrate that God is a saving

God by our transformed lives, then the gospel

will be powerfully effective. That's a great

truth. Now, there are many ways that the world

is watching, and most of the time, it's just

in the daily moments of life under the sun. But

when they judge our lives, know that they're

not just judging us, they're judging what we

say we believe. They're judging what we have

told them we put our faith in. So that means

who God is, who Jesus is, what the gospel is,

and whether or not we truly believe that the

Bible is true. Is Christianity real, they ask,

or is it just empty religion? So they look to

you and I. To answer that question. So they ask,

how does that guy conduct himself in his neighborhood?

And they watch. How does she speak to people?

How does she speak about people? Is he kind to

strangers or is he uncaring and indifferent?

What does her social media say about her character?

How does he spend his free time? What things

does he prioritize in his life? How does she

disagree with others? with patience or with anger.

Friends, there's a million ways that the world

is watching because they've identified you, as

Paul has, as an ambassador for this thing that

you say you believe. And so they're watching.

And one of the most important ways that we represent

Christ as they watch is in our marriages and

in our families. And that's where we are headed

this morning. Do our marriages and families bring

honor to God's word or does it send a mixed message?

Grab your Bibles. We're going to Titus chapter

two. If you're not there already, if you're newer

with us, welcome. We have been sort of, can I

say loitering in these verses? Is that fair?

Hanging around, spending time in this beginning

section of Titus chapter two, because Paul is

walking through categories of believers in the

church. And two Sundays ago, he addressed the

older men in the church. We talked about that.

And then last Sunday, We addressed the precious

older women in the body of Christ. We spent quite

a bit of time talking about the importance of

spiritual mothering. How in verses 3 and 4, Paul

specifically tells the older ladies that they

have a huge and important role to play in helping

families and by doing so in building healthier

churches. The specific call for the older ladies

was for them to take the younger women under

their wing and to teach them. and teaching both

by word but also by example what it looks like

to be a Christian woman. So important to healthy

churches. So today we move on, but let's back

up to verse 1. We need to start there because

that's the foundation. Then we'll drop down to

verse 3, read through verse 5, and our key verses

for this morning will be verses 4 and 5. Remember,

the foundation for everything that Paul says

in this section is rooted in this thing we call

sound doctrine. In other words, Paul's instructions

are not just practical. They're not just pragmatic

things that will make your life go smoother.

This is divine truth. And therefore, it's not

just a suggestion. These are actual commands,

and we should look at them as such. Verse 1,

but as for you, Titus, speak the things which

are fitting for or consistent with sound doctrine.

Got it? That's good. That's the foundation. Now

verse three, older women likewise are to be reverent

in their behavior, not malicious gossips, and

a better translation as we talked about last

week, not slanderers, nor enslaved to much wine.

And here comes the key to this morning's lesson,

teaching what is good. Older ladies, teaching

what is good so that they may encourage the young

women to do the following. And here's the list

we're gonna walk through this morning. To love

their husbands. to love their children, to be

sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being

subject to their own husbands so that, purpose

statement, so that the word of God will not be

dishonored, will not be slandered or discredited.

So tons to work through here, you guys. In fact,

I almost thought about making this two Sundays,

but then I... You guys have already shown me

enough patience. So we're going to try to get

all this in here, but this is going to be a challenge.

Now, as we've done the last two weeks, we should

start by saying, well, what is a younger woman?

How is Paul defining that? And once again, darn

it, he doesn't give us a number. That would have

been super helpful. But it's obviously clear

here that he's talking about women who are old

enough to be married and old enough to be in

this stage of either bearing children or raising

children. So the range of ages back in his day

would have been different than today because

back then life was shorter and life started earlier.

So back then he may have had in mind like 17

to 30. We're very different today. So for today,

just as a guide, and you can quibble, you can

send me an email later, whatever you need to

do. The best way maybe to think about this is

in that age range, that sweet spot of maybe 25

to 45. I know some of you who are 46 or 47, you're

like, did you just leave me out in the cold?

Sorry about that. You're going to have to decide

which category you're in. Anyway. Okay, 25 to

49. How's that? Just because I don't want to

get those emails. Okay. Now, before we dive in

deeper, let me state the obvious here. There

are parts of this passage. that if some people

from our culture would walk in here this morning

and hear me read that, they would gasp in horror.

They would just be aghast at us as Christians.

Love your husbands? What if he's not worthy of

love? Be pure? Well, what if she doesn't feel

like being pure? What if she wants to be something

else? Be subject to your own husband? Not a chance.

Not going to give up that power. That's what

so many would say. Now, what's interesting is

there have been times in human history where

everything in this passage would have been almost

universally accepted. These were the basic standard

norms of society. But as you know, today it's

become very muddled and very confusing, even

for younger Christian women who are trying to

figure out this world that they've been born

into, how to navigate their identity. in this

world, their role in this culture. And it's especially

hard for younger women who have come into the

church who didn't grow up in Christian homes,

who didn't have these values, weren't raised

in them, didn't have unique Christian examples

to look at. For them to have been raised in the

world and spending so many years being told by

the culture what they're supposed to be. But

then coming to know Christ and reading passages

like this one, this is a shock to the system.

And so those of us who were blessed to be raised

in the church should acknowledge that and understand

this is not easy for everybody. For some of you,

you're like, I've been studying this all my life.

But for many who come into the church, these

are really hard principles. This was the case,

by the way, in first century Crete. Coming out

of pagan culture and into the church would have

been a radical change for young mothers and young

wives. They'd have to become accustomed to a

whole new set of values and priorities taught

by the apostles. And if they had a husband who

had not responded to the gospel and he was unbelieving,

it would be incredibly hard for them to sort

of reorient their thinking and their lives around

what Paul says here. So we have to understand

that. We have to be gracious towards one another

in receiving the truth of this text. It is true.

It is God's design and God's plan, but we need

to be gracious because everybody's going to receive

this. in a unique way based on their background

and what they've been taught. Now, last Sunday,

I mentioned that preaching a message directed

to older women was a bit of a minefield. For

any man to stand on a pulpit and say, okay, ladies,

I'm talking to you, that is a minefield because

this is really sensitive stuff. When we get to

today with younger women, this is even more difficult.

And so prayer is appreciated. Because this is

very sensitive stuff. And by the way, I know

that in the time that I have, I can't address

every one of your situation, ladies. There's

going to be unique situations, and so I've got

to speak kind of generally today. But if you

have a particular situation where you come up

to me or to one of our women's counsel later

and say, look, I appreciated what Jeff said,

but it didn't quite fit my situation, please

feel free to do that. And we'll give you wise

counsel based on Scripture to help you in your

unique situation. But we're going to speak kind

of generally today. But know this, this simple

set of commands, and they are simple and straightforward.

This is not, well, you know, it could mean this

or could mean that. These are pretty straightforward.

If these things are embraced and obeyed by the

younger women in the church, it has immense implications

for the kingdom of God. And it potentially has

a huge role in being a wonderful witness to the

world about how the Christian life can transform

us from the inside out. Make sense? Okay, now

let's think about this for a moment. We just

dropped ourselves into the middle of the New

Testament and looking at God's plan and design

for women. But obviously, this goes back much,

much further, doesn't it? It didn't just show

up here in Titus. Paul's not teaching anything

new. In this passage, you have to know that.

And his teaching didn't come out of nowhere.

It's all built on the foundation of the book

of Genesis, which I'm sure you thought about.

Back in Genesis 3, after the fall, you might

recall that God cursed Eve, everybody's favorite

ancestor, right? Cursed Eve in two ways, right?

To the woman, God said, I will greatly multiply

your pain and childbirth. Thank you, Eve. In

pain, you will bring forth children. Now, look

at this. Yet your desire will be for your husband,

and he will rule over you. Now, the gut reaction

to that is, well, why is that a bad thing? Shouldn't

a wife have a desire for her husband? But the

language can be deceiving here. In the very next

chapter, in Genesis chapter 4, God speaks to

Genesis 4 · chapter mention

wicked Cain, and he says this. Sin is crouching

at the door, and its desire is for you. Now,

we would obviously say that's not a good thing.

So built into the Hebrew phraseology here for

desire is the concept of, wait for it, wanting

control. So sin wants to control the sinner.

And the curse upon the woman would be the temptation

to want to control the relationship with her

husband. To want control. And yet God says to

Eve, you're going to struggle for that. You're

going to want that power. You're going to want

that position. But he is going to exercise dominion

over you. So what does that sound like? It sounds

like conflict, doesn't it? Now, before the fall,

God established a divine order for the sexes.

Adam was made first. Eve was made from Adam.

By the way, Paul picks that up. In 1 Timothy

2, as part of the reason for why he instructs

the church, because of that divine order, it's

important to God. He made Adam first. He made

Eve second from Adam. And Adam is originally

tasked to subdue and cultivate the earth. And

then God gives him Eve as a helper, that together

they might complement each other and together

they might fulfill the purposes that God had

ordained for both of them together as one flesh.

So that structure of things was given before

the fall, which means that male headship and

female submission were good and healthy. And

we'll get to more of that later. But once sin

entered into the created order, everything got

wonky and everything got contentious. From that

point on, conflict would ensue in marriages.

There would be this struggle where the wife would

want to gain power and control over her husband

and where her husband would respond in bad ways,

wanting to exert his authority and rule over

his wife in ways that aren't loving, in ways

that aren't healthy. And this is part of our

fallen nature. So Paul reminds Titus, you have

to make sure that the older women who have walked

through this will now go to the younger women

and help them battle against this desire that

is rooted deep within their flesh. Help them

battle against it, this desire to control their

husband and to lead in the relationship. So that's

the foundational understanding. Again, Paul's

not teaching anything new here. It comes out

of the book of Genesis. So look back at the end

of verse 3 for a moment. Notice the older women

are supposed to teach what is good. Well, we

have to decide what does that actually mean?

What kind of good teaching does Paul have in

mind? And that begins in verse 4. Paul says the

older women are to encourage the younger women

to do this whole list of things. Now, three of

those things, or seven total, three of them are

what I would call general character traits that

a younger woman ought to develop. And then four

of them are specifically applied in the home.

So that's where we're headed for before we're

done. Now, we looked at that word that Paul uses

for encourage last Sunday, the Greek verb sophronizo,

and it has this amazing range of meaning, including

the idea that older women should help the younger

women, get this now, come to their senses about

God's expectations for them. Come to their senses

about what God expects from them as Christian

young women. So when the younger women get wobbly

in life, as we're all prone to do, the older

ladies are called to come alongside them and

put them back on track with their experience,

with their wisdom. And that process implies that

there is a strong ongoing relationship between

the older and the younger, life -on -life training,

including support and advice and affirmation

and, if necessary, correction to get them back

on track. Does that make sense? Love when people

talk in church. It's wonderful. Okay, so three

general character traits beginning here in verse

five. Let's go through them here. Put them on

the screen as well. First, Paul wants the younger

women to be shown how to be sensible. Sensible.

Now that word comes from the same root as the

word encourage, sophron. So there's an obvious

connection here. Basically what he's saying here

is older women help the younger women to come

to their senses and start being sensible again.

Get them back on track. That means helping them

to think rightly. Okay, if their thinking has

gone wonky, get them back on track. Help them

to think rightly. Help them to make sure they

establish right priorities. And helping them

produce the fruit of self -control. This is what

Paul is aiming at. Older ladies, help them understand

to be sensible and self -controlled. And we all

need that when we're younger. Self -control,

right? Self -awareness, self -control. We need

this when we're younger. And the older folks

can help you with that. They can look back and

say, look, I get it. I was there once. Let me

tell you a wiser way. That's number one. Second

thing, he wants them to be pure. Hagnos in the

Greek. So this means to live in a way that is

modest and morally virtuous. And in relation

to marriage, it means living a life that is faithful.

To your covenant husband. Faithful to your husband.

By the way, this is the same Greek word that

Peter uses in his first letter where you might

recall he talks about this interesting situation

where women who are believers are now married

to disobedient men, he says. He talks about how

they have an opportunity in the midst of that

very difficult situation. And some of you ladies

know this. You're a believer, you're striving

to please God, but your husband is disobedient.

Peter's advice is, win your husband over by a

combination of your purity, that's the word he

uses, and respectful behavior. Your purity and

your respectful behavior. And he goes on to describe

what that looks like. And the focus in Peter's

letter is on the woman's inner self, her heart,

her character, and how her beauty doesn't just

come from outward adornment, but it comes from

within. It's the beauty of having a gentle and

quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight.

So he says, if you're in that situation, focus

on those things. And he says, look, this is how

godly women of all ages have adorned themselves

with beauty that is inside out. Not that outside

beauty is bad, but it starts within, inside out.

And so Paul then picks up on that same theme,

saying, therefore, Titus, make sure that the

older woman in Crete are teaching and showing

the younger women how to be pure in that same

way, to develop that strength of character that

makes her beautiful, both inside and out. That's

what I want you to do, Titus. Make sure the older

women are causing that to come to be. So that's

the second thing, pure. Third thing, general

characteristic, the older women should teach

the younger women to be kind. Now, that seems

like a slam dunk, an obvious thing, right? The

Greek word agathos. And it can be translated

as good. It can be translated as pleasant or

agreeable. But I love the use of the word kind

here because this is one of my hot buttons that

I talk about a lot, especially in our Heartwood

Marriage Workshop. I have found that in many

marriages, kindness is missing. Kindness to our

spouse is not there. And it's amazing how we

often treat the ones closest to us with the least

amount of kindness. Have you noticed this? We'll

be kind to the person who comes up and takes

our order at the restaurant. We'll be super kind.

We go to Target and this cashier is maybe struggling

to ring us up. We'll be super kind and gracious.

And then we get home to our spouse and we're

anything but kind. Right? But we're Christians.

We're supposed to be kind to everybody, right?

We get home to our spouse, and what do we do?

We're so comfortable with them that we feel like

we can be grumbly and rude and short -tempered

with them. But why? Why do we do that? The question

is, were you faking it with the cashier? Were

you faking it when you were kind to that stranger,

or was that real? And if it was real, how can

you be patient and gracious with that stranger

but not with the one you're in covenant marriage

with? There's something wrong there, correct?

Just basic kindness with your spouse. If your

marriage is a struggle right now, ladies, here's

a great place to start. Be kind. Be pleasant.

Be a joy to be around. Find ways to bless your

husband with kindness and God will reward you.

Even if it's difficult, God will reward you.

Do what God says you should be doing as a younger

woman in marriage. Be kind. So those are the

three general character traits, and those are

good challenges, aren't they? Now, the next four

that Paul gives to us are specific to the home,

and this is where it gets a little bit more controversial.

Now, before I get into those things, let me preface

it with this thought. I want to enter into your

pain, ladies. Being a young woman today is not

easy. I know this is true because our culture,

our culture both out there in the world and in

the church, are constantly sending you subtle

messages, sometimes not so subtle messages, about

who you are and what you should be. In fact,

everything from on one side, feminist voices

that are telling you to be this dominant career

woman, independent of men, and to not let bearing

children get in the way of you fulfilling your

dreams and your wants and desires, that's on

the one side. And then the other extreme, and

I'll put this on the screen. That's AI, I think.

On the other extreme, hyper -traditional voices

telling you that you must stay at home and that

your only calling in life is to become some type

of super homemaker and super mom. And you've

got to look like one of those two pictures. Don't

buy that. Because of these voices, I know that

there are many young Christian women who are

not sure about what to do in the future, what

they're truly supposed to be. And guys, this

is so typical of Satan's tactics. Remember, he

always wants to destroy the building block of

society, which is the home. He wants to destroy

the family unit. And one of his most powerful

weapons is confusion. He will try to confuse

you. He will want to try to pit men against women

and women against men. He will want to tempt

women to abandon the home and tempt men to wander

away from their families. He will want to cause

feelings of inadequacy and fear to rise up within

you and then to stir things up with all kinds

of cultural pressure and social media. And it's

one thing if he can orchestrate those things

in the world, that's bad enough. But when he

can do it in the church with believers, that's

where he really wins. Causing the word of God

to be slandered and the name of Christ to be

blasphemed because we bought into lies and extremes.

So we have to look at what God's word actually

says about marriage and about children and about

the structure of our homes. And then, ladies,

you have to embrace it and wipe away all that

confusion and say, I know these voices are coming

at me, but I can shut those out. I can look at

God's word and I know exactly who I am and what

I'm supposed to be. Do you trust God enough to

do what he says and not what these other voices

are saying? That's a really important question.

I'm going to get that picture off the screen

soon, I promise. So let's look at the four commands

for the home in verses 4 and 5. So sandwiched

in between pure and kind is the instruction for

older women to make sure the younger women are

functioning as workers at home. Workers at home.

Now, as we've seen before in this series, You

have this phrase in English that if you go to

the original Greek, it's just one word, and this

is another one of those examples, a compound

word, oikorgas, which comes from two root words,

oikos, which means home, and this word oros,

which is a word that is usually applied to, it

could be applied to a guard or somebody who keeps

watch over something. So keeping watch at home.

That's the calling here. And so Paul is encouraging

the younger women. to focus their attention on

the home, to make the home their priority and

their domain and to do it for the benefit of

others. Do it for the benefit of their husband

if they're married and for their kids if they

have kids. Make the home your domain and then

extend it even beyond that to others in the body

of Christ through generous hospitality to keep

watch over your home. Now, this is why we did

the Proverbs 31 woman as our call to worship

this morning. How could we not look at the Proverbs

31 woman? It's the description of an excellent

wife according to what the Lord says. And if

God says this is an excellent wife, we should

closely examine her and look at both what she

does and what she doesn't do. Now, I know it's

common for young women today to sneer just a

little bit. At the Proverbs 31 woman. And I get

it. I actually understand why young women sometimes

go, please don't do that to me. Because it seems

that she sets such an impossible standard for

any woman to reach. And so ladies, let me say

this. God has not given you the Proverbs 31 woman

to make you feel bad or to discourage you. I

know the temptation is to feel that. That is

not God's purpose. She's presented to us as what

we call an archetype. Or an ideal type in poetic

form. And it's important to note that. The goal

in looking to this woman is not to compare yourself

and start feeling inadequate, but to see her

as an ideal. Something to shoot for. And to be

inspired and challenged, listen now, to excel

in certain areas where she excels. Because here's

the reality. Not every woman out there is...

gifted or skilled to do all the things that the

Proverbs 31 woman does. And not every woman out

there is in a position in life to be able to

do everything that the Proverbs 31 woman does.

So don't get discouraged. It's actually more

important that you see the principles behind

what she prioritizes than the details of what

she does. And that's so often true of Scripture.

What's the principle behind this? We get lost

in the weeds and sometimes we miss the forest,

right? To me, what's beautiful about the Proverbs

31 woman is that she's capable, she's talented,

she's ambitious. To be honest, when you look

at it, she's a woman ahead of her time, isn't

she, in many ways. This is the ancient world,

right? But having said that, the critical point

about the way she views her life and her role

is in all of her dealing, she makes her home

a priority. She makes her home the priority,

which is what Paul is telling the older women

should help the younger women with. You can be

a worker at home and still do many things, ladies.

That's possible. The Proverbs 31 woman, she buys

and she sells. She makes investments. She imports

goods. She even helps the poor. But in all that,

she's not driven by a spirit of career building.

She's not driven by a spirit of trying to be

independent from her husband. Today we would

say she's not seduced by the secular voices and

culture that tell her what it means to be fulfilled.

She doesn't buy that. For the excellent wife,

it comes back to her household. That is the place

where she wants to pour her heart into. And all

the other things she does is for the benefit

of that place, for that domain. It says she works

with her hands in delight. She delights to work

with her hands at home. She cares for, she feeds

her family there. So while she has lots of interests

and she has freedom to do all kinds of things,

the home is her beautiful, flourishing domain

where she honors God and serves others. It's

a beautiful model. It's a beautiful model. And

I know in this current world where you're hearing

all these feminist voices, you're like, is that

enough? God says it is. And that's a point of

prayer for every one of you ladies. To receive

that well is a divine word. Most notably, what

comes out of her example is a few incredible

statements in this chapter, and I'll put them

on the screen. The heart of her husband trusts

in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She

does him good and not evil all the days of her

life. What a beautiful thing for her husband

to trust in her. That is, I can tell you as a

husband, what an amazing sense that is to know

that I... 100 % trust my wife. Strength and dignity

are her clothing. She's not a weakling, right?

She's not a doormat being kicked around. Strength

and dignity are her clothing. She smiles at the

future. She's optimistic about where God is taking

her and her husband. She opens her mouth in wisdom

and the teaching of what? Kindness is on her

tongue. She's wise. She's smart. Her children

rise up and bless her, her husband also, and

he praises her saying, many daughters have done

nobly, but you, my wife, you, my dear, you excel

them all. I mean, how many wives don't want to

hear that from their husbands? She's incredible.

So for the younger women of today, know that

you have lots of freedom to do a lot of different

things, but like this woman in this chapter,

this ideal, again, let me just stress that, this

ideal. You have to make wise choices to prioritize

the right things if you want to please the Lord

and live out this calling for your life and that

of your family. You've got to make the right

choices. You've got to prioritize things. And

every woman's situation is going to be unique.

Let me just say that again. absolute blueprint

for this. Many times what you're going to have

to do is say, okay, well, I see that example,

but this is my life. These are my skills. This

is what I'm able to do. And you're going to need

to go talk to a godly woman, one of those older

women, 50 plus, and say, help me. And that's

what we long to do as older people to say, okay,

look, I've tried this. I've done this. Here's

the mistakes I made. Here's the things I did

right. Here's where God gave me victory. Let

me walk. through this with you. And that's the

whole purpose of this. Okay, is that workers

at home? Everybody get that? That was a lot.

Second thing, encourage the young women to love

their husbands. Now, there's an important historical

context that goes with this. Remember, we are

talking about first, an island in first century

Greece, right? And we already talked about the

character of the Cretans. Right? They're awful,

right? By the way, we know that even, did you

know that, this is a rabbit trail, the Philistines

that the Israelites battle with all throughout

the Old Testament, probably from Crete originally,

from the Aegean Sea. Anyway, that's an aside.

Think about the historical condition, the men

and women on this island in the first century.

This is a very patriarchal society, much more

than ours is today. So men and women on Crete

that are being saved out of that culture mostly

would not have even an idea of what romantic

or emotional love would look like. It's really

not part of their radar. Their marriages back

in that day would be based on family and tribal

connections. For women, it would be a matter

of, can I find a man to be betrothed to who will

provide for me in this harsh life that we're

living? Because women needed to survive. And

in return, the wife's role was, you know what?

I'll bear children. We need lots of children

to survive. We'll bear children. I'll be the

keeper of the home. So picture this. Marriage

in this context is mostly functional and not

romantic and not emotional. We always put that

sort of modern layer on top of it, but that's

not the case here. This is why Paul has to instruct

the young ladies to love their husbands. Because

it wouldn't be automatic. And it might have to

be an act of their will, a deliberate effort

to love this man that I'm now in covenant with.

So Paul says to Titus, look, I want you to tell

the older women, and if they have to go house

to house, door to door to do this, tell them

to do it. Teach the younger women how they can

become their husband's best and most intimate

friend. Did you catch that? Teach them how to

become their husband's best and most intimate

friend. And that comes out of the language in

the text because the word that Paul uses for

love here is exactly that. He does not use agape

here, which is the word for love that we're so

used to seeing. It's not agape. He uses phileo,

which when you combine it with the word for man,

which is aner, you get philandros. There it is.

It basically means love your man. Love your man,

philandros. Notice again, this is not agape.

I'll put these words on the screen. Agape is

the highest form of love. It's self -sacrificial

love. It's also not eros, which you might expect

here, which is romantic or erotic love, sexual

love. It is philia, and that is the love of a

deep friendship. Now, isn't that interesting

that in writing love your husbands, this is the

word that Paul chooses. I want you to have a

deep and intimate friendship with your husband.

Now, by using that word, Paul's not saying don't

be self -sacrificing. He's not trying to avoid

the romantic side of it. He's simply highlighting

this one aspect of marriage. So, younger ladies,

listen to this now. You should strive to love

your husband as his closest friend. His companion

and his partner. And I can testify, now heading

into my 35th year of marriage, that... It just

means I'm old, y 'all. But I can testify that

over the years, this is the thing that tends

to be the most important ingredient in a healthy

marriage. A level of friendship and affection

for each other that is deep and satisfying. To

long to be with that person. There is nothing

in this life that I do on my own that I don't

say, I wish I could share this with Tanya. That

deep and satisfying friendship. So you're not

always going to feel the rush of emotion later

on that you felt in those early years. But over

time, it becomes this beautiful, satisfied commitment

that goes beyond just what you feel in any given

moment. I know when you're young, you just feel

so many things. But later it's a committed, satisfied

feeling towards your wife. It's years and years

of living side by side as one flesh, both in

the good times and the bad and the ups and the

downs, but in all of it celebrating what God

has done in us. I once read this article and

this statement really struck a chord with me

about marriage. Listen to what it says. Marriage

is not so much falling in love as it is committing

to love and over time learning to love even more

deeply. I think that's beautiful. And that really,

I can just tell you from my experience, that's

what it is. That's what it is. So ladies, if

you don't love your husband in this friendship

way, you've got to start cultivating it. You've

got to plant it. You've got to tend it. You've

got to nurture it. You've got to be intentional

about this. Again, this is not just a suggestion

for marriage. It's a command from God. It's got

to be intentional. It requires effort. It requires

care and attention to detail. It's going to require

that you strive to be pure and kind and respectful

in the power of the Holy Spirit as you ask him

to help you do this well and to grow in it. What

you want to do is to build up your husband. You

want to be, change your thinking, be thankful

for him. Even if he's hard to love, to be thankful

for him. to seek to fill your home with peace

and joy, to make your household a place that

he longs to be in with you. This is what Paul's

getting at here to Titus. Make sense? Now, again,

I fully realize that some husbands are not very

lovable, and it's hard. But notice Paul doesn't

talk about the lovability of the man here. It's

a command to the ladies, find a way to love him

by the power of the Holy Spirit. And the reality

is it's a marriage we all sin against each other,

right? We do all the time. So any friendship

love in a marriage is always going to be by grace

and seasoned with constant forgiveness. This

is just relationships in a fallen world. There

have been times in my marriage, ask my wife,

when I wasn't all that lovable. But Tanya never

wavered. And so we still stand 35 years later

as one flesh by God's grace. developing that

friendship. Okay, the other command here that

you see with love, also in verse four, is to

love your children. Now, this one might seem

strange. You're like, well, that's just a completely

normal, natural thing. Doesn't every mother love

her children? But I think what Paul's getting

at here is he's encouraging not just feelings

of affection for her children, but he wants these

moms to implement certain actions that flow out

of that love. You love your kids, great start.

Now what actions flow out of that? Namely, cultivating

in her children godly character as they grow.

Godly character as they grow. The assumption

in Paul's instruction here is that young women

are going to need spiritual mothering in this.

They're going to need help. They're going to

need wise counsel from older ladies who now have

grown children. I mean, look, if you're a parent,

you know this. Raising kids is the hardest thing

that God has ever given me to do. It is incredibly

difficult. We all need help. And if you can find,

ladies, an older woman, if she's operating from

biblical principles, who can get in there and

help you with parenting, that is an invaluable

source of help. And so that's what Paul wants

the older women to do. Get in there and help

them with parenting. Set as your goal helping

your kids to see you as an example of what it

means to know Jesus and to walk with him. Help

them develop that godliness in their lives by

looking at your life. This is at the core of

a mom's most important calling. Practically,

this is what love looks like in parenting. So

listen, if you thought, and man, there was a

day when I thought this, so I'm just gonna, moment

of transparency. If you thought that raising

kids was just about making sure they're polite

and obedient, that they get good grades in school,

That they say all the right things to adults

and that they don't embarrass you. If you thought

that's what godly parenting was, let me help

you come to your senses. All those things are

good. But the most important way a mother can

love her children is to point them to Christ.

To be an example of what it means to know Christ

and then to point them to him. And that means,

moms, you've got to be growing in the Lord. Right?

The best gift you can give your kids, moms, is

for you to be growing personally in your walk

with Jesus so they see that, and then when you

teach them, they see that connection between

your life and what you're saying. And that's

a great challenge as well. That's how you love

your children. So, there's one more instruction

now for younger women. And let's see, can I just

share this with you, ladies? This is something

I've been thinking about all week. There is no

way to overstate the importance of the role that

God has given you in building families and building

healthy churches. It is amazing. God has designed

you magnificently and wonderfully, and he has

such an important role for you to play if you'll

just embrace it and not fight against it. Men,

we need you. We need you as compliments. We need

you as helpers. We need you to fulfill God's

purposes. Men need you. You are a blessing to

us. You're a blessing to the world. You glorify

God in all the ways that he's designed you. So

don't ever accept this idea that you're somehow

just a second -class citizen in this marriage

or in this church or whatever, whatever lie you've

been told. You are fearfully and wonderfully

made. Okay, one more instruction here. Now, I

even hesitate to jump into this now. at 11, 14,

because this last thing is so complex and so

full of nuance, but I can't ignore it either.

So let's look at it. Look at the end of verse

five. Paul says to Titus, make sure the young

women are being subject to or submissive to their

own husbands. So this could be a sermon series,

right? It's so... It's difficult. This is hard.

This is controversial. But listen now, it is

also so essential to a healthy marriage. It amazes

me that something that is so essential, the correct

ordering of a marriage, has become so controversial.

And again, why is that? Because of our flesh,

because of our sin, because of what happened

in Genesis. We fight against it. Even though

it's God's design, and even though when you see

it happening in your marriage, this beautiful

design of headship and submission, when you're

in that sweet spot where both husband and wife

are fulfilling their roles well, it is the best

thing in the world. It is so sweet. And yet,

what do we do? No thank you. Kick against it.

Ah. It's just stuck in my flesh. So for today

here, I'll just say a few things. And I shared

this earlier. Male headship. And female submission

is God's divine order for marriage. And it is

rooted in his perfect creation before the fall.

Does not mean that the wife becomes a husband's

slave or doormat. It definitely does not mean

that she should follow him into sin. She does

not lose her voice or her opinion or her wisdom

when she submits to her husband. In every way,

the wife is ontologically equal to him, equal

in being, equal in value, yet with a different

function and role to play. Correct? And we see

this modeled even in the Trinitarian Godhead.

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Absolutely equal

in every way, yet with different functions. One

submitting to the other, right? And just to define

this more clearly, oh, and by the way, This should

be said as well. By submitting to her husband,

a wife is actually submitting to Christ. You

almost have to look past the knucklehead. No,

I'm just kidding. You have to look past the guy

and his faults as a sinner and see Christ. You're

submitting to Christ. This is a hard thing to

grasp, but when you submit to your husband, it's

actually an act of worship. I'll just let that

sit there. That's a hard one. But to define clearly

what this means, when the New Testament authors

use this word for submission, it's hupotasso

in the Greek, and it needs to be understood.

It means to order yourself or arrange yourself

under another. It was often used in military

context where, look, everybody in the military

is of equal value, but they rank one another

below each other based on some functional order.

So what that means is... Submission is a voluntary

act on the part of the wife. She submits not

because her husband demands that she submit.

She submits because God calls her to do that.

And so she voluntarily says, because God said

it, and I want to be obedient, I will arrange

myself underneath him as his helper, which is

a beautiful picture. She submits because God

commands it, and her response to that is freely

given. to order herself under her husband. And

again, we know it again. It begins with a heart

posture and an attitude within that then determines

how she acts. And none of us gets this right,

by the way. Men don't lead perfectly. Women don't

submit perfectly. But this is the model we've

been given, and it's beautiful if we'll embrace

it. And as many of you know, by the way, the

ordering of Christian marriage is actually has

a higher purpose in that it reflects the relationship

of Christ and his church, right? Right? The husband,

with the husband loving their wife sacrificially,

as Christ has loved you and I sacrificially,

and then the wife submitting to their husbands

as we as a body are called to submit to him.

So again, this is so nuanced and so complex and

so important, but there's all these layers of

meaning to this idea of submission. Let's embrace

it, can we? All right. I got a yes from my wife.

Winning. All right. Turning red again. Okay,

I'm going to close with this because I know my

time is short. If you look at the end of verse

5, you'll notice that Paul ends these commands

to younger women with a warning. Look what he

says. He says, ladies, do all these things. Live

this way so that the word of God will not be

dishonored. So the world out there doesn't slander

God's word or discredit God's word. Blow it off.

As I said at the outset, the world is watching,

and they're watching our marriages, and they're

watching our families. And if I could just draw

the puzzle of what we face in choosing to either

obey these things or not obey them, it's a good

question to ask, ladies. Do you shy away from

striving to be this type of woman for some reason?

Would you shy away from this for some reason?

And only you can answer that question. Let's

just say that you look at these commands and

you think to yourself, this is too antiquated.

This is too traditional for who I am. And I don't

see how living this way would ever actually draw

people to Christ. It doesn't make sense to me.

Wouldn't it be better if I was a little more

like the world to draw the world? But if I'm

this traditional wife doing these things, am

I actually going to repel people? Maybe I'll

do it my way here in my family, and that way

more of my friends will start asking questions

about Jesus. Let's just say that's your thinking,

because I've heard that before. Literally women

who say, yeah, I can kind of see why this is

good, but I don't see how it actually attracts

people to Christ. Let's just say that, though.

What happens then if one of these people you

have in mind starts to look into the things of

God? Isn't it likely that at one point they're

going to open up a Bible and see the commands

about marriage and family and say, you told me

you believe in everything this book says, but

you don't do this in your life. Hmm. Basically,

you revere yourself as a functional hypocrite.

You say you trust in Jesus, but you're intentionally

ignoring his word in the most personal aspects

of your life. In your own wisdom, you thought

that would be best. And two things come out of

that. First of all, it becomes a legitimate question.

If you truly love him, why would you ignore his

commands? But secondly, might your friend think,

well, what else does she believe but not do?

Are there other things that she says she believes

but she doesn't do and therefore is the Christian

life about picking and choosing what works for

me? Is that what I'm supposed to grasp from this?

Now the harder path that you can take is to say,

you know what, I'm going to trust God's wisdom

and I'm going to conform to God's design for

my marriage and for my family, albeit imperfectly,

but I'm going to strive for that. And even if

some people out there, my friends, neighbors,

whatever, sort of mock me for it or turn up their

nose at how I choose to live, I'm going to remember

that Scripture says I'm blessed for that. I'm

actually blessed when others persecute me for

doing what God says. And I'm going to hold to

that because I'm walking in a way that's consistent

with my profession of faith. I'm not going to

be a hypocrite. I'm not. I'm going to be a faithful

servant who takes God's word seriously. And when

it comes to drawing people to the gospel, I'm

going to trust that God is sovereign in that.

I'm not going to try to manipulate that or try

to be something I shouldn't be in order to draw

people. That's God's business. I'm simply going

to live faithfully before my friends. And then

if one of those mockers someday starts to read

the Bible or comes to know Christ for themselves,

guess what? They're going to look at it and go,

oh. This is why you live that way. Now I get

it. And that's what you want, friends. So which

is it going to be? Will you allow God's word

to be dishonored in pursuit of your own way?

Or will you trust that his way is always best?

His way is best for you personally, and it's

best for your witness to the world because they

are watching. Again, Dr. MacArthur had it right.

If the saving grace of Christ is to reach men,

it's going to depend on the character of the

church. And let me add to that, in a very unique

way, it's going to depend on the character and

the heart of our younger women. So you have a

huge and important role to play in your marriages,

in your families, as an ambassador for Christ.

Embrace it. Believe it. And live it. Amen? Let's

bow our heads. Father, once again, I'm amazed

at just the practical nature of your word. Lord,

you give us these lofty truths, these beautiful

principles for us to see in the text, but then

also the street -level things that we need to

do, Lord, to please you and to be a good witness

in the world. And Lord, as I said in the sermon,

I know how hard it is, how difficult it is to

be any young person today, but to be a younger

woman, to have to, Try to figure out life in

the midst of all these voices. Lord, would you

just bless each of these younger women who are

here today in a special way? Would you help them

to shut out those voices that we know are not

of you, voices that are lying to them, manipulating

them, and help them to just center themselves

on the things that you have called them to be

and the things that you've called them to do

and to rest in that. knowing that your divine

instructions are always best for us. Father,

we thank you that you are in the process of continuing

to put in order this local church. And I pray

that all of us will arrange ourselves under your

perfect design. Help us to do that, male, female,

older, younger. Help us to submit to you in all

things. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for our time together

this morning. Do a great work in us because of

this time we've had in your word. In Jesus' name

we pray. Amen.