Protective Measures | 1 Corinthians 7:1-7

Well, this morning is the perfect time for us

to pause and reflect on what we've learned so

far in Paul's first letter to the Corinthian

church. And I'll tell you why that's uniquely

important on a Sunday like this. We are about

six months into this series, and we have now

covered the first six chapters of the letter.

And over those six chapters, we've seen Paul

address problem after problem that he has seen

taking place. in the church at Corinth. In fact,

I've grouped them into seven things that we have

seen him address in these first six chapters.

Take a look at the screen, and I'll just read

them to you. First of all, he talked about divisions

in the church, this idea of factionalism, people

clicking up and then opposing one another within

the same body. Secondly, leaning on worldly wisdom

rather than godly wisdom. Third, fleshly thinking,

fleshly living. Fourth, prideful judgment of

leaders. Looking down on this leader while following

this guy and separating the church because of

that. Failure to practice church discipline.

We saw all of chapter 5 was this bout of incest,

really, and the church's failure to address it

with church discipline. Then we saw the horror

of lawsuits among believers taking place in secular

courts. where we left off last Sunday, the last

couple weeks, actually talking about rampant

sexual immorality, porneia, about how our bodies

now belong to Christ as temples of the Holy Spirit,

and yet in Corinth there was all kinds of sexual

immorality taking place. So it's been quite a

ride so far, right, in these six chapters? In

fact, go ahead and grab your Bibles and turn

to 1 Corinthians as we enter into chapter 7.

By the way, just a little bit of insight into

the world of the preacher. Whenever the elder

team gets together and we pray over which book

of the Bible we're going to preach through next,

the first thing that pops into my head is, oh,

all the amazing chapters and verses that I'm

going to get to study and teach on. It's very

exciting. And then there are the chapters I'm

less excited about. And 1 Corinthians 7 falls

into that latter category. Not that we should

be afraid of it or demean its importance. It

just has some difficult matters that need to

be discussed. Some things need to be worked through

and some difficult interpretations. And you'll

see that as we go along and we'll work through

it together. Now, a change takes place in Paul's

letter here. when we start reading in chapter

seven. If you look at verse one, you'll see that

he begins with these words. He says, now concerning

the things about which you wrote. Okay, interesting.

So we have a historical development here. The

first six chapters, Paul was just hammering it

away at the issues he thought were most important

to deal with. Because remember, he had heard

reports while he was in Ephesus across the Aegean

Sea ministering there. He heard reports about

all kinds of problems in the church in Corinth.

So he's been hammering away at all these problems.

But now, from chapter 7 through chapter 11, he's

going to respond to certain issues which the

Corinthian believers had written to him about.

asking for his apostolic counsel and asking for

his instructions. And the first on that list

is marriage and divorce. And so that's what we're

going to be walking through all through the month

of September, marriage and divorce. Now, remember,

there were various factions among the believers

there in Corinth, and it seems that each one

of these factions had its own little... pet group

of doctrines that they believed, and they were

constantly looking down on those who held a different

position. And so when you look at a letter that

was written to Paul asking questions, you have

to wonder about the motivation behind the questions.

Were they really looking for apostolic truth,

or is it possible that they wrote certain questions

down for Paul in order to justify their specific

views? To be able to get a letter from Paul and

look at their opposition and say, see, Paul agrees

with me. Just something to consider. And the

statement that Paul first is asked to evaluate

is right there in verse 1. And again, I'm preaching

from the New American Standard, but if you have

an ESV or a CSB or a NIV on your lap, you're

going to find quotation marks around this statement

in verse 1. And here's what it is. I'll put it

on the screen. Quote, it is good for a man not

to touch a woman. Oh, really? Okay, so that's

what they're asking about. One of the things

that they wrote to Paul about was this statement.

And this is the statement that Paul is going

to analyze in chapter 7. What follows, by the

way, is not a full treatment of God's view of

marriage, or he doesn't address every nuance

and detail about marriage and sex, but it's a

teaching that's based on this particular statement

and this question that they wrote to him about.

And as you can see by the statement, you can

kind of figure out what kind of faction in the

Corinthian church would have made that statement.

It's not good for a man to touch a woman. It

likely came from a faction in the church that

was ascetic, that was celibate. They took a celibacy

position on the subject of all sexuality. So,

warning to all, we're talking about sex this

morning. And I know that can be uncomfortable

in church, but friends, listen, this is a subject

that is frequently addressed in the scriptures,

both Old and New Testament. And so obviously

we can't ignore what Paul says here, and we can't

just skip over it. What we have to do together

this morning is face this issue and deal with

it with the maturity that it deserves. And we

can start with this very basic truth, and in

spite of how badly human beings have distorted

marriage and sex, they are both gifts from God,

from a creator who loves us and wants us to enjoy

them to the fullest. The creator gave them to

us as gifts, marriage and sex, and he desires

that we enjoy them to the fullest. But sadly,

the Corinthian believers had completely messed

this up, right? We've seen it already. Paul had

to rebuke them over fornication, over prostitution,

over adultery, over homosexuality, even incest.

And we'll look at some of the cultural reasons

for that in just a moment. But here, right out

of the gate in verse 1, we're sort of shocked

to see that there are at least some members of

the church in Corinth who believe that all sex

is immoral and that even married couples should

abstain from it. It's not good, they say, for

a man to touch a woman. So what you have in this

church, and it's so hard to imagine because,

look, we're a like -minded body. today, right?

But in the church of Corinth in the first century,

you had these libertines that don't seem to have

any standard for sex at all, right? They weren't

all that upset. They weren't upset enough to

confront the man who is sleeping with his mother

-in -law in chapter 5. They're not concerned

about joining themselves to a prostitute because,

hey, that's just my body, not my soul. So you

have libertines on one side, and now you have

celibates on the other. Right? Aesthetics who

want to abandon all sexuality, and somehow these

folks are all living together in the same local

church. Can you imagine the chaos? Okay, let's

read the whole passage. We're going to look at

verses 1 to 7 here. Here's what it says. Now

concerning the things about which you wrote,

it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But,

Paul says in verse 2, because of immoralities,

porneia, each man is to have his own wife. And

each woman is to have her own husband. The husband

must fulfill his duty, his marital duty to his

wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

The wife does not have authority over her own

body, but the husband does. And likewise also

the husband does not have authority over his

body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another.

Except by agreement for a time so that you may

devote yourselves to prayer and come together

again so that Satan will not tempt you because

of your lack of self -control. But this I say

by way of concession, not of command. Last verse.

Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself

am. However, each man has his own gift from God,

one in this manner and another in that. Okay,

before we break this down, and there's a lot

here, we should spend a few moments talking about

the cultural background for all of this. This

teaching, this question that gets sent to Paul

does not happen in a vacuum. There is a cultural

background to it. Why did asceticism, why did

celibacy set into the church back in this day?

Well, let's not forget that Corinth is a quintessential

Greek city. Remember, we did a whole introduction

about this six months ago. Wealthy, bustling,

cosmopolitan, it's a crossroads for trade across

the ancient world, and its people and its culture

and its practices were deeply rooted in both

Greek and Roman ways of life. And marriage in

those days, in that part of the world, looks

almost nothing like marriage in the modern West

today. So that means we have to dig in a little

bit to figure out what was going on so that we

can fully understand why Paul writes as he does.

Marriage today is mostly, I say mostly, mostly

based on romantic love, right, and compatibility.

But that was not the case 2 ,000 years ago in

the Mediterranean world. Ancient Greco -Roman

marriage was less about love and more about things

like economic interests, alliances made between

family lines, and of course producing legitimate

heirs. Fathers and male guardians generally arranged

marriages back then between young men and women,

including the use of dowries and links to property

and other family possessions. And unless you

were one of the elite class, women had almost

no say and no choice in the matter. It was, by

definition, a very patriarchal structure. I know

that today I hear women all the time talking

about, oh, the patriarchy. Trust me, what you

have today. is amazing compared to the ancient

world. Trust me on that. And of course, slavery

was rampant throughout the Roman Empire. And

if that had varying degrees of slavery, there

were completely disposable field slaves, and

then there were highly trusted household slaves.

But slavery was rampant in the Greco -Roman world.

Whether you were a free citizen, a foreigner,

or a slave, definitely impacted how you could

get married back in the day. By the way, we should

never forget that a substantial portion of the

early church were slaves. Historians have looked

at this. They generally agree it's somewhere

between 10 % to 20 % of every early church congregation

was a slave. So consider that as we go along.

Now, slaves could only marry with their master's

permission. technically wasn't even legal. They

called it a tent marriage or a cohabitation marriage,

and the slave owner could break up that marriage

any time he wanted for any reason. He could just

sell off the husband or sell off the slave for

any reason he wanted. Among the lower classes,

there was a type of marriage that today we would

call common law marriage, where a man and woman

would just settle down, cohabitate, and after

a year, they were declared to be married. Then

there was the what we call marriage by sale,

where fathers literally had the right to sell

their daughters into marriage for promises of

economic advancement. And then there's the process

for the elite class that was basically marriage

among the elites in the equestrian class was

about one thing and one thing only, establishing

power. Everything was about family lines. It

was about family alliances that would strengthen.

Power. Now, what's interesting about the weddings

of the Greco -Roman elites is that our modern

day weddings today are pretty much patterned

off the way they did weddings. If you don't know

about all the connections between the Roman Empire

and America, it's worth a study. It really affects

our legal system and many other things. But weddings,

think about this. Here's some of the things involved

in an upper level, elite level Roman wedding.

A bridal procession, matrons, vows, Prayers offered

to the gods, the joining of hands, a veil, flowers,

shout out Vibe Flowers, exchange of rings, and

the feast after the ceremony. These were all

marks of an elite Roman wedding and things that

have carried on into our culture today. The sad

part is what was missing, and that was the issue

of covenant monogamy. Covenant monogamy. That

was not... highly valued among either the Greeks

or the Romans. And in terms of sexual access,

there was two completely different standards

for men and women, completely. While the culture

insisted that a man could only have one wife

at a time, concubines were just an accepted part

of life, as were prostitutes, as was at times

sexual mistreatment of slaves. And these could

be female or male in that part of the world in

that time. Homosexual affairs, even pederasty,

were not frowned upon, especially if the man

was powerful and part of the elite class. He

could pretty much do as he pleases. The very

famous Athenian statesman Demosthenes says this.

He says the really ugly part out loud. This is

in his day. He says, we have courtesans, which

is a fancy word for prostitutes, courtesans.

for the sake of pleasure. We have concubines

for the sake of daily cohabitation. And we have

wives for the purpose of having children and

a faithful guardian for all of our household

affairs. Suddenly, everything looks really good

today, doesn't it? Because that is an ugly, ugly

situation for a woman. Imagine being a woman

back in this period of time. Not surprisingly,

divorce was rampant, widespread. In fact, we

have records of men who literally counted their

years by the names of their wives. So Paul is

writing to the Corinthians in the midst of this

very confused culture when it comes to both marriage

and sex. And you can imagine, and I can imagine,

how difficult it would be for a man like Paul

or Apollos to minister in the midst of that culture.

to minister to new believers who are coming out

of the pagan world with all these ideas and now

being told they need to conform to biblical standards.

And you had all these overlapping views, citizens,

slaves, lower class, upper class, Greeks, Romans,

and yes, even Jews in the Corinthian church.

And that would have added a whole nother cultural

layer to the milieu there. You had some marriages

that were legal, some were common law, some were

just slave marriages. And then you had young

people dating and considering marriage. How do

you address all this if you're Paul? So I say

all that so that you can sort of empathize that

this is not an easy thing, right? And not an

easy problem to fix. So before we break all this

down, I'm going to ask this question as well.

Where did this issue of celibacy or asceticism,

where did that come from in the church? Let's

talk about it. The issue of asceticism is an

ancient one. And first, let me define that term.

It comes from a Greek word, which is not found

in the New Testament, but is found in ancient

Greek literature. And the word generally refers

to training or exercise. And in a Christian sense,

it was adopted in terms of spiritual training.

Spiritual training. How do I turn my attention

away from myself and focus my attention on the

Lord alone? So an ascetic would intentionally

engage in spiritual disciplines like extended

times of prayer and extended times of fasting,

all forms of bodily discipline. And they would

probably point to certain aspects of the New

Testament. They would say, well, look at the

life of John the Baptist, for example. He seems

very ascetic. Well, look at the fast that Jesus

engaged in in the wilderness, 40 -day fast. Look

at Paul. He lived as a single man. and he had

all these ministry hardships, they would look

at those examples and say, we should pattern

ourselves after them. Although, let me just say,

none of us are the Messiah, the forerunner to

the Messiah, or an apostle. So we should be really

careful about that, right? Okay. But you would

find various ascetics sprinkled throughout the

first two centuries of the church, but they didn't

really stand out among their communities of faith.

They just practiced ascetic disciplines within

the local church. In the early fourth century,

you begin to see asceticism really take hold

in the church, and especially in the East. You

find it particularly in Palestine, in Syria,

and most importantly, in Egypt. In Egypt, asceticism

becomes the hotbed of what we call hermit life.

Have you ever heard the term hermit? Actual hermits

who would go out into the desert, swear off all

worldly comforts, and live in caves for the rest

of their lives, And interestingly, one of the

reasons why historians look at this, what seems

to be strange behavior, this idea of breaking

off from society and going into the desert and

suffering to a degree that we can hardly even

imagine, one of the reasons behind this was because

when Constantine issued his famous edict in the

year 313, which gave Christians the freedom to

openly worship, The church suffered from this

sort of collective sense of guilt. It's like

they looked around and said, well, who's going

to persecute us now? And so they thought to themselves,

if we can't suffer at the hands of the state,

if we're not going to be martyred for our faith

anymore, we've got to find ways to make ourselves

suffer. This was a real mindset in the early

church. We'll find ways to make ourselves suffer.

So they chose ascetic practices, all kinds of

forms of bodily suffering. And then it gets sort

of codified over time. In the late 4th century,

church fathers like Basil of Caesarea began to

organize what we call today monasteries, this

movement of monasticism, which was, by the way,

a less severe form than hermit life, right? But

still a way for men and women, both monks and

nuns, to sacrifice and suffer. So men would break

away from their local churches. They would go

and live in a communal system. cut themselves

off from the world for the purpose of study and

prayer. They would copy manuscripts. Yes, they

would care for the sick and the abandoned as

well, but they were basically cut off from society.

And then eventually that would move to the West

as well. Very famous Benedict of Nursia in the

early 6th century brings monasticism to the West

as well. Now the question is, in the midst of

these ascetic practices, what about singleness?

What about celibacy? Where did that come? Again,

the idea of voluntary celibacy and remaining

a virgin for life becomes an honored form of

practice in the second and third centuries. Some

of the early church fathers in both the East

and the West speak of these things as a way to

fully consecrate yourself to the service of Christ.

But in the following centuries, the question

became broader. The question was, should celibacy

become mandatory? Sure, it can be voluntary.

If a person wanted to really devote themselves

to Christ, go for it. Deny yourself. But it has

to be voluntary. In later centuries, well, maybe

it should be mandatory, especially for those

in clergy. And so that question comes up between

the 7th and 8th centuries in the East, and the

answer in the East was, well, maybe. A man could

be ordained as a deacon or priest if he was married.

So yes, there are married men who do serve in

the priesthood in the Eastern Orthodox Church.

But if a single man becomes ordained, he cannot

marry. And any bishop in the Orthodox Church

has to be celibate. Then in the West, the Roman

Catholic Church made celibacy a binding discipline

for all clergy at the second letter in council

in the 12th century. So that's the status of

things today in the other branches of Christendom.

Now, what did the reformers of the Protestant

Reformation say about this? And more importantly,

what does God's word say about it? Well, not

surprisingly, the reformers who fought the battle

to return the church back to her proper anchor,

which is God's word, they were united in condemning

mandatory singleness and mandatory celibacy.

Why? Because the scriptures don't call for it.

In case you wondered, the scriptures don't call

for mandatory singleness or celibacy. While at

the same time, they affirm the value of voluntary

singleness and voluntary celibacy because that

too is found in the pages of scripture. The fact

is the New Testament does not prescribe a single

ascetic lifestyle for all believers, nor does

it prescribe a unique program for those in positions

of spiritual authority. Spiritual leaders are

called to character qualifications in the New

Testament, right? 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1, 1 Peter

5. That's what the qualifications are. They're

character qualifications. They're not some type

of lifestyle qualifications. Certainly, Scripture

never calls us to break off all contact with

society, to live in deserts and caves. How do

you live out the one another's in Scripture if

you're living in a cave? That's a challenge,

right? It also doesn't call us to form ourselves

into monastic communities. And so we can look

at church history and we can say, well, we sort

of understand why these things happen. We can

even admire the men and women who were so committed

to the cause of Christ that they would cut themselves

off in that way. But we should also affirm there

simply is no biblical mandate for it. Amen? In

the New Testament, marriage is honored. Sex within

the covenant of marriage is strongly encouraged,

and we'll get to that in just a moment. And yet

the Bible also lists up the idea of voluntary

self -denial. So yes, there is a place for ascetic

practices in the church today. You and I should

be striving after spiritual disciplines in both

a positive and a negative sense. On the one hand,

we should be denying certain things that, yes,

we might have the freedom to do that. Did we

look at this recently? All things are permissible,

but not all things are profitable. So there's

things we have freedom to see as to, but we say

no to, right? Because we want to avoid temptation.

We want to practice self -discipline. And then

on the positive side, we put into practice certain

disciplines like focused prayer, like fasting,

like sacrificial service to others because these

things help us grow in our love for God and our

love for others. But here's the key. This is

what you have to understand. And this is where

we differ from the Roman Catholic Church and

from Eastern Orthodoxy. We engage in spiritual

disciplines freely and voluntarily and not as

a means of earning merit in God's eyes. not adding

to our salvation. We practice spiritual disciplines

out of love for Christ, out of devotion to Christ,

and from a heart of thankfulness for what he's

done for us. Does that make sense? So we've got

to find a good balance on this. So back to Corinth

now. It seems from the opening statement in chapter

7 that some in the church there were literally

arguing that singleness and celibacy were a higher

form of worship. And that everybody should pay

attention to this. And that they, the celibates,

they were the elite class of worshipers. The

ones who said no marriage and no sex whatsoever.

Wow, it's no doubt there were people in the same

church banging the drum for marriage. Like, you

guys should get married. So, what's Paul going

to say? How's he going to resolve this? Okay,

let's start up in chapter 7. Let's start by looking

at singleness in verse 7. Let's start there.

Here's what Paul writes. I wish that all men

were even as I myself am. However, each man has

his own gift from God, one in this manner and

another in that. So Paul is telling us here that

he himself is unmarried and celibate. And he

wishes that all Christians were living as he

lives. Now there's a reason for that, but first

let me address the question that always comes

up. Whenever we talk about Paul and marriage,

the question is, was Paul always unmarried? He's

clearly unmarried now. Was he always unmarried,

or did he at one time have a wife? And the answer

is, we don't know. And so honestly, it's best

not to speculate too much on this. I've heard

all the arguments. I've heard the argument that,

well, he's an observant Jew. He was a leader

at the time, so he must have been married. There's

the argument that, well, he was connected to

the Pharisee party while he was persecuting the

church. And as a Pharisee, he must have been

married. And so then the argument goes, probably

at some point, he was widowed. And so at the

time he's writing this letter, he's unmarried.

Those arguments are historically plausible. but

they are not biblical proof, okay? They are historically

plausible, but not biblical proof. What the Bible

does say and doesn't say is this. There's no

mention of him having a wife in the book of Acts.

He doesn't mention his wife in any of his letters,

and he's clearly stating that he's unmarried

here in 1 Corinthians. So those are the clear

and positive statements that we have to go on,

and we should probably leave it at that. Maybe

in heaven we'll find that out, right? All right,

I have an appointment with Paul. on that day.

He's in my list, my short list. I have questions.

I know I say that a lot. I can't wait to get

answers. All right, the big news that comes out

of this verse is, you ready? In Paul's mind,

being single and celibate is a very good thing.

It's a very good thing. It is not unnatural.

It is not less than God's best. And that's an

important thing to say because in the church

today, we have a tendency to look at single people

and go, what's wrong? And that's unfair and it's

unbiblical. So be careful. That's not the case.

From Paul's perspective, remaining single and

celibate actually has some real practical advantages.

Namely, that being single gives a man or woman

more freedom. from the distractions of the world,

from the entanglements of the world so that they

can serve Christ and his church more effectively,

right? They just have more time and energy to

devote themselves to those things. And that's

all I'm gonna say about that because this issue

is gonna come up later in chapter seven where

he'll expound more on this and also in chapter

nine. So I'll leave it at that. But it's important

to see at the end of verse seven that even though

Paul wishes that everyone were unmarried, he

doesn't impose that standard on the believers

in Corinth. He's like, I wish you were like me,

but I'm not going to impose that standard on

everybody. That's important. Nowhere in scripture

is either marriage or singleness a binding ordinance

upon believers. And it's so important that we

always distinguish between those two things.

What is a divine command or a biblical imperative

versus what is a preference? We have to be very

careful about that because sometimes we conflate

those things and we can put unnecessary burdens

on people. What Paul does here, he obviously

has a preference, right? He says, I wish everybody

was like me, but he shows great integrity here

by not saying, well, because of my preference,

I'm going to tell you this is a command from

God. He doesn't do that. And the second half

of the verse, he recognizes the key to why some

can remain single and celibate while others need

to get married is because of God's calling and

gifting. That's important. God calls and gifts

people with different capacities. according to

his sovereign wisdom. It's as if Paul is saying,

look, I don't need to be married. I don't need

it, and I'm not consumed by thoughts of marriage

or consumed by lust, and I wish more of you were

like me, but I also know that my situation is

a special gift from God, and most of you don't

have it. Does that make sense? That's basically

what he's saying. That's really what this is.

Singleness is a calling from God. To live a single

life and to have a strong equipping from the

Holy Spirit for self -control and discipline

in the area of sexual expression. Not only that,

but to desire and enjoy that kind of lifestyle

so that you can focus on serving Christ and his

church. So it's the equipping and the gift not

to struggle in this area, but also the desire

to say, you know what, I see this as a great

gift from God so that I can devote more of my

time and energy. to serve my Savior. And so each

man and each woman has his or her own gift and

calling. And some, we live out his gifts and

calling through marriage and others through singleness.

And both of those two callings have advantages.

And both of those two callings have disadvantages.

Right? But they're unique from God. So the important

thing to recognize from this statement, number

one, single and celibate is good and right for

some in the church. But also number two, being

single and celibate is not spiritually better

than being married. It's just a different gifting

and calling. So what Paul's doing here, if you

look at it, if the celibates in the Corinthian

church wrote this question, he's chopping down

their pride here and letting them know this is

not a binding ordinance and you're not superior

to those who went out and got married. Good?

All right, let's go back to the top of the passage

now, back to the middle of verse one. And again,

some of you have a translation with quotation

marks there. It's good for a man not to touch

a woman. Obviously, that is a euphemism for sexual

relations, right? Verse two says, but because

of pornia, sexual immoralities, each man is to

have his own wife. Yay. And each woman is to

have her own husband. Yay. I mean, that sounds

like a really good arrangement. So clearly marriage

is upheld here as another of God's good options,

right? A second option. And in fact, when you

see Paul say, I wish more were like me, it tells

me something that marriage is probably the norm

because he's saying, I wish more were like me.

So marriage is going to be the norm. It's still

the norm in the Christian church today, right?

And you can see why it's the norm there in verse

two, because sexual immorality is all around

us. Temptations are everywhere. Being unmarried

in a world like ours today or in first century

Corinth is not easy because you're surrounded

by this sexualized culture. And so Paul says,

okay, yeah, that's a reality we live in. So each

man should have a wife and each woman should

have a husband. Now, some of you know that here

at Oak Hill, a couple times a year, we host a

marriage workshop called Heartwood. And in that

small group, we talk about God's three purposes

for marriage that go all the way back to Genesis

1 and 2. One of them is specifically related

to what we're reading in 1 Corinthians 7. But

the first one is partnership, right? The first

great purpose that God has in marriage is partnership.

This goes back to when God says, look, he looks

down at Adam and says, you know what? If you're

going to fulfill your mission, it's not good

that you're alone. partner, helper who will correspond

to you. God brings them together and he says,

look, one flesh, right? I don't have time for

a whole marriage sermon, wedding sermon. I've

done that one too many times. So marriage was

designed by God as this one flesh partnership

of male and female, two people who correspond

to each other, who are committed to the other,

and they're committed to a common set of goals,

relationship and companionship. And listen, if

you are married to your best friend, You know

how important this partnership one is. The idea

that we can walk through life in such an intimate

way with our best friend is invaluable. It is

an amazing gift from God. So that's the first

one. The second one is procreation. I won't spend

a lot of time on this because we all don't need

a whole lesson on the birds and the bees. But

know this, in Malachi 2, very interesting passage.

God is rebuking Israel for their covenant unfaithfulness

in marriage. And in this passage, he declares

his desire for godly offspring. It's a really

important passage. Basically meaning that believing

couples should have children and train them up

in the ways of the Lord in order to raise and

preserve future generations of believers. God

works through family lines oftentimes. And so

procreation is an important part of God's purposes.

Now the third one, and this is the important

one for our passage today, that is protection.

God designed marriage for protection. As Paul

tells us, marriage is given to us in part as

a way to avoid falling into sexual sin and dishonoring

our bodies. And we saw this last Sunday, right?

If you're a Christian, when you engage in porneia,

you are sinning against your own body and you

are dragging Jesus into it. Because your body

now belongs to him. On the cross, he purchased

you at a costly price, and he made your body

a temple of the Holy Spirit. And in that, you

see how marriage has a protective element to

it. Paul says, because of sexual temptations,

a man can be married and turn to his wife for

sexual satisfaction, and a woman can turn to

her husband for sexual satisfaction. There's

a protective aspect to it. It's not like I have

to wander through this life, sexualized culture,

and have no sexual outlet because I have a wife,

because I have a husband, right? It's really

a very simple design, but very effective in terms

of protection. Now, we've got to look at verses

3 and 4, okay? This is where it gets really interesting.

Honestly, verses 3 and 4, this is where we get

one of the biggest cultural shocks in the biblical

text. This is really quite shocking. Verse 3

says the husband must fulfill his marital duty

to his wife. Hmm. A wife has needs. Husband,

get to it. Interesting. And likewise also the

wife to her husband. We kind of know, we tend

to know that one. Right? Verse 4, the wife does

not have authority over her own body, but the

husband does. Man, in the ancient world they'd

be going, amen. But likewise, the husband does

not have authority over his own body, but the

wife does. Wow. So there's this threefold parallel

structure in verses 2 to 4 that comes with, wait

for it, mutual obligations. Mutual obligations

in marriage and sexuality. Each man should have

a wife. Each woman should have her own husband.

The husband should fulfill his duty to his wife

and the wife to the husband. And the husband

has authority over his wife's body and the wife

has authority over his body. Guys, you cannot,

I gave you all that background about marriage

and sex in the ancient world for a reason. You

cannot understand what a, I'll call it a cultural

missile that Paul is firing at the Greco -Roman

world in writing out these mutual obligations.

This would have been shocking. To a Greco -Roman

man. Mutual authority, mutual submission of the

husband and wife in marriage. What they would

have expected to hear was this. Yes, the husband

has authority over his wife's body, period. And

that the wife's role is to satisfy her husband

and the husband's role is to be satisfied by

his wife. That's what they thought. That's what

they wanted to hear. But Paul says, no, that's

not the way it works among Christians. It's not

to be like that. Among you, you're to be set

apart from the world. In Christ, both husband

and wife subordinate their own interests to the

interests of the other. Shocking stuff. Revolutionary

way of viewing marriage and sex. But notice,

that's just a plain biblical principle, isn't

it? We sometimes forget that the Bible, the New

Testament is written to couples as brother and

sister in Christ. You know that, right? Yes,

we're one flesh, but we're still brother and

sister in Christ. Well, what does Philippians

2 say? Do nothing from selfishness, right? But

with humility of mind, regard one another as

more important than yourselves. Don't just look

out for your own interests, but also for the

interests of others. Well, that applies to marriage

and applies to sexuality within marriage. The

implication in verses three and four is that

husbands and wives should always seek to satisfy

each other sexually so that their eyes and hearts

have no need to look elsewhere. Satisfy your

spouse sexually so that they won't have to roam

and fall into adultery. Neither has the authority

to deprive the other sexually. You are one flesh.

Your bodies are surrendered to each other. That

means both husband and wife should view sex as

a joyful obligation to their spouse. A joyful

obligation. They should approach it with eagerness

and excitement, and both husband and wife should

prioritize bringing pleasure and satisfaction

to their partner. Both. It's not just for the

guy, right? Both. Yes, sex and marriage is given

to us for pleasure. I was wondering if I was

going to get an amen there. It's a gift from

God. for our pleasure within the boundaries of

covenant marriage. And we shouldn't be afraid

of that, and we should guard against coming to

the conclusion that sex is dirty, which I know

sometimes in conservative Christian homes, we

get raised with that, right? Our parents are

constantly telling us it's wrong, wrong, dirty,

dirty. And then at the wedding altar, we have

to flip a switch, which is hard. It's difficult.

So we should think carefully about this and make

sure we see it as a gift from God for our pleasure.

Have you read the Song of Songs? The beauty and

the pleasure of sex. And again, shockingly, from

both the perspective of the man and the woman.

It's not just what the guy sees and thinks. but

the woman as well. We heard from Proverbs 5 in

our call to worship earlier, right? Very poetic

terms about the joy of sex. And my favorite line

from that, it's Proverbs 5, 19. It says to the

husband, be intoxicated always in your wife's

love. Man, imagine if that was your focus, husbands,

as you woke up every morning. I want to be intoxicated

in my wife's love. On the flip side, if we ignore

what God says about sex, and we choose instead

to be selfish about it, we're going to reap what

we sow, and that is an unfulfilled marriage.

And where does that lead us to? It leads us into

danger. Unfulfilled marriages sexually lead us

into temptation. It weakens the protective aspect

of God's gift of marriage. It leaves the door

open to immorality. So if you truly love your

spouse, you would never intentionally put them

in a place of vulnerability. Out of your own

selfishness, right? Think about that. And if

you say, of course not, well then trust God with

what he says here. In recent messages on this

topic, we've been talking about how God defines

sex as more than just physical, right? There's

this deep emotional and spiritual bond that happens

when two become one flesh. And as Christians,

we should be free to embrace that, enjoy that.

In fact, author Stuart Babbage puts it so beautifully.

Look at, oh man, I'm way behind. Look at this

quote. He says, from one point of view, it may

be spoken of as a safety valve for irresistible

desire, but for the Christian man, the sexual

life is infinitely more than that. It is a breathtaking

experience, a bold and blessed intoxication.

Wow. Is that the way you see your sexual relationship

with your wife, with your husband? So first we

affirm that sex is a gift from God. By the way,

there's... There's so many more things I could

say about this. I'm running out of time. But

there's so many more, so many important nuances

that we could talk about. I'm just going to give

you a few rapid fire ones to sort of help you

with this. So first one is this. We affirm that

sex is a gift from God. And because it's a gift

from God, it has to be handled carefully. It

has to be expressed in love. That means care.

That means respect. That means sensitivity. We

call it making love for a reason. If love is

missing, you're doing it wrong. If it's just

a purely physical thing and your spouse's body

is just an object to be used, you're doing it

wrong. Amen? Second thing, please don't use Paul's

teaching here as a weapon that you can pick up

and wield against your spouse. Don't use it as

a demand for sex anytime you feel like it. Just

forcing that upon your spouse without care or

concern for where your spouse is at. We talk

about in Heartwood how you have to constantly

be a student of your spouse. Become more and

more attuned over the years to one another's

unique cycles and needs and growing and understanding

them better so that you don't have to get to

this place where I'm demanding things. Also,

don't use Paul's words here as a way to justify

putting off sex with your spouse. I've heard

people claim, well, look, I've got all these

spiritual concerns going on in my life, and I

really do need to pray a lot more, so I'm going

to put off the sex. Don't use that as a weapon.

That is manipulative. Third thing, when it comes

to sex, communicate, communicate, communicate.

Husbands and wives need to talk about their needs.

Talk about their struggles. Yes, talk about the

issue of frequency. Consider planning out your

sex life if you have to so that you're not relying

on spontaneity that doesn't always happen. You're

one flesh. Open up to each other. Share what's

going on in your heart. Share what's happening

with your body. This is your closest friend,

your one flesh partner. Open up. Have time to

share with one another. Fourth thing, keep working

at being attractive to your spouse. That means

flirting. You can flirt with your spouse. That

means sharing kind words, compliments of one

another. That means romance, date nights. That

means taking care of your body. Those things

don't end just because you got married. Stay

physically attractive to your spouse. Fifth,

realize that the overall quality of your relationship

is a huge contributing factor to your sex life.

If a husband and wife aren't biblically healthy,

if they're disconnected, if they're not communicating

well, if they're living independently, then any

sex that does happen is going to feel like a

chore. It's not going to feel like joy. And worse,

if there's unresolved anger or bitterness or

resentment or hurt feelings in the relationship,

sex is probably off the table. And again, that

puts both of you in a dangerous place. So focus

on getting spiritually healthy and you will see

your sex life begin to improve. And then finally,

don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Don't be

embarrassed. This is a tricky issue. It's more

complex and trickier than most people think.

So if you're struggling, don't stay silent and

just sin against each other. Come to a trusted

friend, come to an elder, come to a member of

our women's council. and ask for help. Amen?

All right, I gotta wrap up. Look at verse five.

Stop depriving one another, except by agreement

for a time, so that you may devote yourselves

to prayer and then come together again so that

Satan will not tempt you because of your lack

of self -control. But this I say by way of concession,

not of command. Now notice, present imperative

here. Stop doing this. Stop depriving yourself.

He's basically telling us that the celibates

in the church in Corinth are doing this. He's

like, stop it. He's rebuking them here. Notice

at the end of verse six, again, that Paul's not

claiming this as a divine command from God, but

something he views as a concession, an application

of wisdom. If a husband and wife are not engaging

in regular sexual activity, there should be,

wait for it, important ground rules in place.

If a couple's not having sex regularly, there

should be some important ground rules. Number

one, it should be by mutual agreement. You shouldn't

have just one spouse going no. It should be agreed

upon. That's number one. Number two, it should

only be for a time, and I would say a set time,

not indefinitely, not left open -ended, well,

I'll let you know when I feel like it again,

but a set time. Number three, it should be for

spiritual purposes. like prayer. Basically, it's

an agreed upon fast from sex because of some

burden or obligation that for a time takes a

priority in your life. You're going to focus

your energies on that and not on sexual relations.

And finally, number four, that you recognize

that when you choose to abstain for a time, you

are opening yourself up to the temptations of

the enemy. You've got to be aware of that. You've

got to be aware of that. How the enemy loves

to establish a wedge between husbands and wives

in the church. Man, what a victory for him that

is. He knows that a couple who's struggling in

the area of sex is a weakened target. They become

more susceptible to adultery, more susceptible

to pornography. So if we're in a season of deprivation

in this area, both husband and wife have to be

on alert. Yeah, we're doing this for a specific

reason, but we're on alert. Because we know we're

weakened in that place. And then we come together

as soon as possible to reestablish that protective

aspect of marriage. Amen? Listen, I have to end

it there. But again, a lot more could be said.

For now, let me just challenge you. Whatever

stage of life you're in, as we close. Singles.

Singles, read this chapter on your own. Meditate

on this chapter. Take it before the Lord in prayer.

Flesh out your heart before him. Be honest before

God. Lord, are you calling me to this? I'm discontent.

Whatever's going on, singles, take it before

the Lord. Consider sharing maybe with a trusted

friend how you feel about your singleness, whether

you think it's a calling from God or is it something

else. Don't ignore it. Don't ignore it. Take

it to the Lord. Talk to your friends in the body

of Christ. To the married, there's a whole lot

here that you can and should discuss together.

And I would strongly... encourage you to set

up a time today, tomorrow, this week, without

distractions, and just check in on each other

on the area of your sexual life. It's always

a good thing to do a checkup, right? And to talk

it through. Share your hearts openly and honestly.

Share your bodies with one another afterwards.

There's nothing better to get your marriage back

on track than to come back together in sexual

activity. So, have a discussion. Speak honestly.

You're one flesh. Right, couples? Okay. Let's

pray together. Father, I thank you for the practical

nature of your word. In your sovereign purposes,

Lord, you brought about a letter from... these

sinners in Corinth to Paul to address these issues.

And 2 ,000 years later, here we are learning

from it, Lord. So thank you for your wisdom in

teaching us these things. And these are hard

things, God. We admit that. Hard for me. Hard

for all of us. These are sensitive areas. These

are vulnerable areas. And we struggle so much

in this culture that we live in. So, Lord, my

prayer for myself, for my wife, for... For those

in the audience here today, for our singles,

my prayer is, Lord, that you would speak to our

hearts about the deep truths of this passage,

that we would be open to spending time with you

by the Spirit, to pray through these things,

and to open up our hearts and minds to you and

then to others in the body, that these things

would not be issues that we hide under the carpet.

but they would come into the light and we would

talk well about them and seek after truth. So

help us to do that, Lord, because sometimes we're

just not good at this. We need you to carry us

through. So again, thank you for our time together

this morning. Be glorified in us as we sing praises

to your name. In Christ's name we pray, amen.