Life on the Vine: Kindness

Dr. Gregg Martuzky:

Today we're talking about kindness.

I don't know if you're naturally a kind person.

There's not that many.

Most of us have to work at it.

Think about the kindest person you know.

Melody Wooten.

All right.

We've been- we're gonna have a little call and response this morning.

Amen.

Go for it.

Sounds good.

I like that.

Julie Barber.

Julie Barber.

All right.

Tina Cook.

Tina Cook.

All right.

A lot of elders' wives.

Come on.

Whoo.

All right.

And, and, uh, you know, as I was thinking about this too,

guys, uh, it's usually women

Yeah, you sort of fell into that, didn't you?

But I thought about it, too.

The kindest person I know, frankly, is my, my wife, especially the way she's

talked to people all these years, the way she talks to children, the way she

talked to our kids, the way she talks to the grandkids, the way she talks to me.

So very kind.

My mother was a very kind person.

You know, a lot of kind people are soft-spoken.

They, they, they don't mind being, uh, gentle.

They don't mind being softer.

And not that many people, especially guys, are taught and raised to be kind.

Boys are raised to be strong, to be tough, in some ways even hard, streetwise.

And so this doesn't come natural for all of us.

Who has a kind smile in here?

Raise your hand if you th- Go ahead.

Affirm yourself.

All right.

All right.

You can go ahead and put that down there, bro.

All right

Raise your hand.

I'll make it a little easier.

Raise your hand if you have long arms.

Go ahead.

Raise, raise your hands if you've got long arms

Some of the random acts of kindness in my life have been by people with long arms.

Just this week I had to put the topper on my bed of my truck,

and my arms are just the…

My torso and everything, I couldn't reach up over the bed and back

there far enough to tighten it up.

So a fella comes by with his two dogs walking.

He's tall.

He's got long arms.

I go, "Sir, would you help me?"

He said, "What do you need?"

And I said, "Well, I need someone to tighten this underneath here for me so my

t- my, my bed t- topper won't fly off."

He goes, "Oh, sure."

"W- and will you hold my dogs?"

And all they did was bark at me the whole time

And he tightened up one side.

He says, "You need the other side?"

I says, "Yeah."

He goes around and he tightens up the other side.

Usually I have my son-in-law, he's got long arms, do it, but he was,

he was busy working late that day.

So I love people with long arms.

I have to use a person with long arms whenever I'm checking

the oil in my c- my, my truck.

Again, uh, Honda makes great vehicles, but, but, uh, the spout for the

oil is way up over down, and I can barely touch it with my fingers, and

I don't have strong enough fingers.

You know?

If I, if I could get more leverage on it I could get it undone, but I can't.

And so I, I just sort of take a while at the pump, look

around- … and then I spot 'em.

And I go over and I say, "Sir, can I ask you a big favor?

Please, can I ask you a big favor?"

And you know, I don't look evil.

I don't look nice, but I don't look evil.

And they usually go, "Well, okay, what do you need?"

And I go, "I just need somebody to take off the, the oil spout so I

can s- add some oil to my truck."

"Oh, yeah."

And they come over and they do it, and they hand it to me, and they look at me

like, "So you couldn't do this yourself?"

I said, "Well, you know, I'm a little shorter, and you're

tall, and oh, you did awesome.

Thank you so, so much."

And so I love random acts of kindness.

You know, one of the teens gave me a random act last Wednesday night.

He gave me a, a card, a thank you card.

He graduated, and, and my wife was thoughtful to buy a card

and a gift card for him, and I took it to their, his party.

But what he wrote was very meaningful, and cards seem to get to my heart.

And so I, I, I, I put it in the, the drawer beside my bed.

You know, that's where I collect them.

And then after that gets full, I put them in this little box that,

uh, one of the churches gave us years ago with a bunch of cards.

Kindness makes such a difference.

And so I wanna inspire us this morning to be kind people, to work

at it, to strive for it, to let the scriptures inspire us to be kind.

Please buy this book if you get a chance.

You don't have to read it right away, but keep it in your library, try to read it.

It will inspire you.

It's been inspiring me.

And then our theme verse, Galatians 5:22 and 23, "For the fruit of

Galatians 5:22

the Spirit," the Holy Spirit.

Not the fruit of our spirit, but the fruit of God's spirit, "is love, joy, peace,

patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control."

And today, we're talking about kindness.

So let's define it a little bit.

Let's get, like get, get some of the, the world's thoughts.

Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle.

When you've struggled, when you've needed kindness, you

tend to then be a kinder person.

I don't wish cancer on anybody, but I'm glad I had it.

I'm a…

I, I think it changed me.

It helped me to empathize.

I care more about people who are sick because of it.

And then I, I wrote this after reading a lot of things on kindness, "Giving

from the mind is trading, while giving from the heart is a gift."

So often people give to receive, a reciprocal kind of relationship.

But if you just give from the heart, it's a gift.

When you have a choice to be right or to be kind, choose to be kind

So often we want to be right when we should be kind.

"Never be too busy as not to think of others," Mother Teresa.

"You can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness," Anne Frank.

And Plato, "Be kind.

For everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."

That may not always be true, but it's often true

We don't know what other people are going through, and it

may be tougher than we think.

This is a feeling of the heart.

It's a, the fruits of the spirit are feelings, love, joy, peace.

They describe virtues for relationships, patience, kindness, goodness, and

relationship with God, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

We'll define the difference between kindness and gentleness.

But kindness, the opposite of it is rude.

We've n- if I ask you to think of a rude person, you can think of one, can't you?

You maybe saw one this week.

You maybe witnessed some rudeness this week, right?

But kindness isn't always as self-infinite.

You know, the goal of this series, guys, is for us to be more spiritual people.

Are we spiritual enough?

Not yet.

We're growing spiritually though, aren't we?

Yes.

And the Bible says we are changing from one degree of glory to another,

so we're always changing as Christians.

The Spirit is always taking more root in our lives, and that seed of the Spirit

that we got at baptism is growing.

Today, even by coming to church, hearing God's word, singing God's praises, praying

to God, taking of communion, remembering the death, burial, and resurrection of

Jesus feeds the Spirit so we're becoming more spiritual just by being here.

Way to go.

Amen.

Way to go.

You showed up.

Wow.

And that's part of being there.

Yeah.

Just showing up.

We need to become spiritual.

Yeah.

Spiritually-filled people have a hungry heart to be spiritual.

Spiritually-led people have a honest heart.

They know how much they need it.

They're desperate to be changed by God.

Spiritually-minded people are humble.

They're just, they just know they need to change.

They know they don't have all the answers.

They know that they struggle with pride, and so there's, they have a

humble heart, and spiritually-driven people usually are happy.

Because they're growing and they're changing, and it's very, very obvious.

Let's define kindness.

From scripture, Old Testament and New, kindness is hesed.

You've heard me sh- share this word before.

And usually I've shared it as steadfast love.

But at its root, it's, it's kindness also.

It's the kind of love that shows the right spirit towards people, the

right tone, the right empathy, the right compassion, the right heart.

And in the New Testament, it's so close to Christ.

Christotis.

It's so close that sometimes it even gets mistranslated as Christ, 'cause it,

it is Christ-like being kind, isn't it?

Kindness is showing mercy, extending devotion.

Kindness is helping those who what?

Need help.

Whether they deserve it or not.

Kindness is an outwardly visible fruit by action, not an inward

attitude or invisible mindset.

It's not just an intention.

It shows itself.

Kind people reveal themselves as kind by what they do and how they act.

Kindness is being gentle, compassionate, and empathetic

I don't know when I learned the definition of empathetic.

It wasn't as a young man, though.

It was later on in life.

And it's seeing other people's point of view.

Wow.

It's understanding how they're thinking and living and their struggle.

It's walking in their shoes.

And I'm so glad that I've spent time as a chaplain, and they emphasize

this in our training to, to get the other person's perspective.

You know, a lot of times in conversations, what I would see, we'd have to write

verbatims after we'd visit a patient.

Uh, we're supposed to remember everything said, everything they

said, everything you said, and we'd go through it in class with the other

students and with the, the, the teacher.

And all of a sudden the teacher would, "Stop."

You're reading along and they say, "Stop," and you're thinking, "I was doing good.

It was a good conversation.

I was really listening.

I was responding.

I was an active listener."

He goes, "Do you see your perpendicular there, Greg?"

Go, "This isn't geometry.

No, I don't see a perpendicular."

You know?

He says, "You turned the conversation.

They were talking about how they were feeling, and all of a sudden you ask

a question about a different subject."

Oh

Huh.

And it was amazing how often I would do it perpendicular.

And so often I've seen it even in conversations with people where

I change the subject to talk about what I wanna talk about.

World Cup, you know?

Or something.

But we need to listen and go where they're going, 'cause people give

hints, small ones, subtle ones, not very direct ones at all.

But they tell you what they wanna talk about if you really listen.

But too often we don't, at least I didn't.

I had to learn this, and I'm still learning this, and it comes from a

heart of kindness to be empathetic.

There's a guy that wrote a book called Gorilla Kindness.

Now, that's an oxymoron, isn't it?

I don't consider gorillas kind, all right?

But he wanted to start a movement and, and there's…

If you, if you go on Amazon or Google, you'll see so many books about,

you know, random acts of kindness.

You know, there's probably 20, 30 books entitled Random Acts of Kindness.

So I think he wanted to talk about random acts of kindness, but he didn't

want that title 'cause everybody had been using it and it was overdone, and

so he called his book Gorilla Kindness.

And he really wanted to start a movement where people just randomly were kind.

You ever been at Sta- Starbucks and somebody paid it forward in front of you?

Oh, you wished you ordered more.

I'm just saying what I think.

You know?

I'm like, "Wow, it is so nice."

And then you'll s- you'll, you'll, you just feel this obligation to

do the same when you get to the, the, the, the, the drive, uh, when,

when you pay and you think, "Ooh, I hope they don't order too much."

You know?

But you drive away feeling good that you received and you gave.

You received and you gave.

You paid it forward.

But Gavin Witt said, "My aim is only to remind people of the kind impulses

that all of us have, to remind people of something they already know, which is that

it feels good to act on those impulses."

We have impulses to say something nice.

We have impulses to smile, to wave, to nod

Follow up on those impulses.

Amen?

Amen.

Give in to those impulses.

But you know, I, I was reading a little bit of this book, Random Acts of Kindness,

and some super in- inspirational stories.

It's sort of like Chicken Soup for the Soul.

This is a series by this publisher, and, uh, you know, you can get several

of them, and he can give you ideas.

I love these word clouds that talk about random acts of s- of kindness,

encouraging other people, being more positive, to speak kindly, to thank,

write a thank you note, to write a gratitude email, to befriend somebody

new, to bake cookies to surprise somebody with a treat, et cetera, et cetera.

But you know, the story in the Bible that we all recognize

as good is the Good Samaritan.

Yeah.

And we know the story, don't we?

Yeah.

All those religious hypocrites.

That priest that walked by.

That Levite, that temple servant that walked by on the other side.

And you know, I was doing some study last night.

I, I, I had three books on parables in my library, so I took them home

yesterday, and I was reading late.

Should've gone to bed earlier, and that's why I look like I look this morning.

Don't look at the dark circles under my eyes.

But I couldn't help but read through all of them about the parable of the Good

Samaritan, and I learned a few things.

That the guy that came up to him, you know, we, we, we, we…

He's called a lawyer, but he was a, an expert in the law of Moses, so he was a,

a Old Testament theologian is what he was.

He was a Bible student.

He was a rabbi's student, and he, he wants to come up and ask Jesus, 'cause he's

heard Jesus say, "Love your enemies," and that just didn't make sense to

him, because the Jews only loved Jews.

They had a very tight circle.

They, they've been a persecuted people, and they've been an attacked

people, and so they only loved their neighbor, which was a fellow Jew.

In fact, if they reached outside of the Jewish community, they, it became unclean.

And especially a priest or a temple servant, they didn't wanna be unclean,

'cause then they couldn't do their job.

They couldn't do the temple service.

So then it made more sense why they just walk on by, because they didn't

know whether this was a Jew that had been beaten up or a Samaritan, but they

even thought, probably self-righteously, "Well, they got what they deserve.

They shouldn't have been on this road by themselves.

They didn't have any fri- friends, and it was probably s- God's judgment on them."

Oh, that's a sad judgment.

That's a rationalization.

And so often we rationalize instead of doing what's kind.

And so who does what's kind?

The irony of this story, the, the backstory is a Samaritan.

And the Samaritans, the Jews really kept their distance from

because they were seen as traitors.

They had intermarried.

They had, they had forsaken the pure blood.

And so this is even about racial prejudice

And you know, there's so much racial prejudice in our society.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

And it's, it's every direction.

It's not just whites prejudice towards people of color, it's

people of color towards whites.

Yeah.

It's, it's people of color towards other people of color.

It's towards different nationalities.

There's so much.

Are you kind to people that don't look like you?

Or are you afraid of them?

Those are microaggressions.

Let's give people the benefit of the doubt.

Let's be nice to everybody.

Amen.

Let's let them earn the distance if we need to protect ourselves or set

a boundary, but let's go ahead and give people the benefit of the doubt.

Amen?

Amen.

Let's be kind people 'cause, you know, the moral of this story, at the end of the

story, Jesus says, "So who showed hesed?

So who was the good neighbor?"

Lawyer, theologian, student, think for yourself, think critically.

You can come up with the answer.

And he says, "Well, I guess the one who ministered to the

beaten up, left for dead person."

And Jesus says, "You've answered correctly.

Now just go do likewise.

Go treat people like neighbors."

I'm so glad I lived in Nebraska.

Nobody claps, nobody hollers.

You know.

Nebraska.

Yeah.

Right.

It's just one of those flyover states.

They have great corn, incredible corn.

It's very flat.

It's very, very cold in the winter, wind chill below 25.

You know, we've got some of the best, uh, warm weather clothing in our closets that

we'll probably never need living the rest of our life here in Southern California.

Aww.

But I wouldn't let Cathy give them away yesterday.

I said, "Just put them in the…

Uh, put them in the garage," because I, I love being able to stand out there and

pump my gas in that 40-below weather.

I'm not cold.

I'm not cold.

I'm getting cold, but I'm not cold.

But what I loved about Nebraska, everyone's your neighbor

You pull off the side of the road, three or four people pull over

You know?

And you're out there shoveling your snow, three or four neighbors come over.

You're mowing your grass.

So my random act of kindness, I'm gonna lose my reward in heaven for this, but

I bought a riding lawnmower from one of the brothers that was moving away

'cause I had a pretty big backyard.

The front yard was very small.

But I mowed my neighbor to the left and neighbor to the right.

It just was a nice big circle.

Oh, I had fun, and it only took 30 minutes.

I wish I had a smaller riding lawnmower so it would take a little while longer.

And it only took 30 minutes to even cross-cut it, and only a

few of you know what that means.

But I loved it, and, and, and then my neighbor next door, he

got his own lawnmower, and I said, "You don't need to do it.

I'll do it."

And he goes, "No, I need the exercise."

But I need the reward in heaven

And then the neighbor next door, they had a ki- a child and a, a

dog, and so they built a fence so I couldn't do their yard either.

I was so bummed out.

So I just did mine several times.

Amen.

I did.

Nobody…

You should've laughed.

I mean, uh, sounds stupid, but it was fun.

You, when you really have a nice rider lawnmower, you'll know what I mean.

Micah 6:8.

Micah 6:8

Going forward

Somebody put something in there that shouldn't have

What are you doing, guys?

Anyway, Micah 6:8, "He has shown you, O man, what is good.

Micah 6:8

And what does the Lord require of you?"

To act.

"To act justly, and to love mercy."

You know what that word is?

Hesed, kindness.

"And to walk humbly with your God."

Amen.

To love kindness.

And then Proverbs 21:21, this is a great verse, "He who pursues

Proverbs 21:21

righteousness and love," but this is the same word, kindness, "finds

life, prosperity and honor."

Amen.

You need, we need, especially as Christians, to be known for our kindness.

I love this book 'cause it tells us the obstacles to be kind, and

I resonate with all of these.

And I could probably add to this list.

Promoting self-sufficiency.

We learn at a young age, do it yourself, be independent, rely

on nobody, don't ask for help.

Not asking for help keeps people from showing you kindness.

You know, Cathy mentioned that, uh, she broke her mirror on her car this week, and

after church, one of the brothers, Tony Siebert, came up to her and said, "Hey,

I know how to fix that kind of thing.

Can I come over and, and fix it?"

And she goes, "Sure, I already ordered a, a new one.

My son-in-law ordered it for me."

So he came over, and, and I looked at the YouTube video and

I was thinking about doing it.

And I thought, "No, I think I'll learn from Tony."

And you know, when I fix something, I usually do it wrong the first time.

I have to do it twice.

And so it take, what should take about a 30 minutes, takes me two hours.

Wow.

And Tony comes over, and he literally fixes this mirror in 15 minutes.

Wow.

And I, I was just…

I, I, d- my, my jaw dropped.

I was like-

Guy on YouTube took a lot longer than that.

It was so amazing.

He goes, "Yeah, I didn't even have to use all the tools I brought."

A random act of kindness.

Just that's what a good Christian does.

And we didn't even ask him for help, but we accepted it.

Amen?

Amen.

Nurturing autonomy, living independent as a non-neighbor.

You know, in, in California, we go in and out of our garages, don't

we, or in and out of our driveway.

You know, we need to get a dog or something to walk

it around the neighborhood.

You know, we need to bring our grandkids down and walk around the

neighborhood to meet our neighbors.

You know, sometimes I'll see my neighbors outside, I'll just run

out of the house just to be able to start up a conversation 'cause you

don't get that many opportunities.

And I even live in one of these neighborhoods where the houses

are inches apart, you know?

There's a lot of neighbors.

There's a lot of them- Yeah

but you don't get to meet them very naturally.

We just go in and out of our house, and so there isn't that opportunity to be kind.

Exalting productivity, times too precious to help other people.

Are we too busy?

That's the next one.

Compartmentalizing life, over scheduling our time.

You know, I did this for years, and now I try to leave breaks in my schedule,

afternoons where I can be interrupted.

And I used to, whenever I had a plan even for the day, and I got interrupted,

I'd go home and I'd be just be anxious.

"Oh, I didn't get as much done as I planned on it."

And now I go home and think, "Hey," I say, "I got interrupted, and I was able to help

somebody or do something for someone."

And most of my interruptions now are phone calls, phone calls I don't expect.

They come from all over the country sometimes or just from different members.

Don't hesitate to call, guys.

That can be my act of kindness.

Don't steal my reward from heaven.

Interrupt me, all right?

So I can get, do what I'm preaching.

Amen?

Amen.

How do you cultivate kindness?

Remembering our story.

None of us are fully, completely self-made men and women.

We needed help.

College students co- uh, high school students going off to college, let

me give you the very best advice from somebody that went to college

for about 30 years, all right?

You don't get by without help.

You know?

Almost dropped out of engineering.

And then I found a guy, an upperclassman, in my dorm.

He was an electrical engineer.

He didn't even study civil engineering, but he could do, help me do my homework.

Instead of me just knocking my head against the wall for hours upon hours, he

could explain it in ways the professors…

Most of my professors never turned, turned around and looked at us.

They just wrote on the board.

They talked to the board.

Th- th- most of them were foreign.

They had accents.

I couldn't understand them anyway.

I needed help.

And then I found that you could go talking to TAs, and that they would

open their door, and they had office hours, and they would help you.

Every time I'd go to a professor, they'd just use the Socratic method.

I'd say, "Hey, I need some help understanding this," and they'd say,

"Well, what do you know about it?"

Not enough.

"Well, what have you tried to do to learn?"

"Well, I read the book."

"Well, read it again."

And they'd send me away.

But the TAs, they'd even tell you what was on the test.

So anyway, that wa- that's, uh- … just a thought to think about, all right?

None of us are self-made.

Nurturing connections.

Seek out ways to help and be helped.

Listening to one another.

It's com- can be one of the kindest things you do to validate each other's reality.

Af- affirmation, advice, admonishment.

And then practice statio.

Benedictine, this is one of Victine- Benedictine's rules.

Stop doing one thing before you start another.

Uh-oh, I'm in trouble.

For all you multitaskers, I'm in trouble, right?

But if you really are gonna give yourself fully, just focus.

Be in the moment.

Don't have your mind wandering all over the place.

You can't be kind unless you're present with people.

Some of the kindest people you know, it, they, they'll, you'll

say a- about them later, "It seemed like I was the only person in the

room when they were talking to me.

They gave me their full attention.

They looked me in the eye.

They focused on me.

They made me feel so heard, so special."

My campus minister, Tom Brown, had that gift.

Come on.

You could talk to him for 30 seconds, and you just felt different.

Yeah.

How he made you feel.

One of the quotes I read, "Kindness is making people feel better

after they've talked to you."

Stop one thing before beginning another.

Guys, let's be more spiritual, amen?

Amen.

Let's have hungry hearts, honest hearts, humble hearts, happy hearts.

Not hard hearts, hollow hearts, half hearts, or hidden hearts.

Lack of prayer means you don't need God.

You got a hard heart.

Lack of silence and listening to God think is a hollow heart, meaning

you think you have the answers.

Lack of gratitude is a half heart, and a lack of purpose is a hidden heart.

Let's have full hearts.

Yes.

Here's where we start.

Help people in your family first

Sometimes those are the hardest people to help, 'cause then they're gonna expect it.

That's okay.

Help those in your household.

Help a brother or sister.

Somebody in this room's gonna need your help this week.

Help them.

Find out who they are, even in fellowship.

Don't take off before you find someone you can help.

Help a neighbor.

You might have to knock on a few doors.

You may have to search around.

You may have to ask a few neighbors, "Who maybe needs some help?"

You know?

Everybody needs a little help.

Takes two people to move a dresser.

All right?

Lot of people need help, lot of neighbors, strangers.

This is the hardest.

Try to help a stranger.

Try to help a stranger.

You know, most people that are working for minimum wage, give them a big tip.

Shock them one of these days.

Not just the 10 or 20%.

I mean, blow it out.

I mean, give them so much they wanna give you change, and then don't take it.

Amen?

Help a stranger.

Why?

Because Jesus said the one who had mercy, kindness on him,

that's who we wanna imitate.

So go and do likewise.

Amen?

Kindness to all.

I'm not naturally a kind person.

It's why God gave me a great wife that's so kind.

She's always kind.

I can g- I can be grumpy at times.

I know.

I know you can't picture it, but yeah.

And she's always kind in return.

And then that makes me feel bad and guilty, and then I'm kind.

It's good.

Keep those burning coals, you kind people.

It's good for us.

Kindness.

Even in worship, guys, when we take of the Lord's supper, we're giving and receiving.

That's kindness from God.

In worship, we're expressing how grateful we are t- for God's kindness to us.

When we're serving other people and sacrificing and helping

others, we're becoming more kind.

And then as we struggle with being kind, we get to know ourselves better and how

much we need to be more spiritual, amen?

Amen.

Amen.

Let me bless you with a prayer and then we'll close.

God and Father, we bow before you at this time because we need

and want and desire the fruits of the Spirit with all our being.

We wanna be like your Son.

We wanna be our best selves.

We want to be radiant lights in this dark world.

Father, we see things sometimes going from, from, from better to worse,

and, Father, we, we want things to get better, and we wanna be a part of that.

We want to do random acts of kindness.

We want this guerrilla kindness to take effect.

We want to pay it forward.

And so, Father, give us the thoughts, give us the desire, give us the heart, give us

the spirit to be able to do these things.

We need you in Christ's holy, holy, holy, sacred name we pray.

And the people said, amen.

Amen.

God bless.