Life on the Vine: Self-control

Dr. Gregg Marutzky:

Today is, gonna be a great lesson on self-control.

It's going to be the last in our series of Life on the Vine, and, uh, I hope

that it's, uh, helped us to focus.

It's helped me to focus to be more spiritual.

I, I beg God.

My prayers have changed.

I beg God to fill him, fill me with His Spirit so I can be more spiritual, so I

can display these fruits of the Spirit.

They're so very important, and we need them desperately.

We need love.

Our world is full of hate and division and prejudice, and we need love.

We need joy.

There's so many depressed, discouraged, depressed, an- anxious people.

We need joy.

We need peace.

There's war.

There's so much strife and hatred.

We need patience.

Oh, we're all in such a hurry.

We need kindness.

So much rudeness.

We need goodness, don't we?

We need faithfulness.

We need gentleness, and now, wrapping it up, we need self-control.

Boy, I had a couple experiences of the need for self-control

just these last couple of days.

I took, uh, my granddaughter to, uh, the movie yesterday.

We saw Paw Patrol.

Oh, it was tremendous.

Wow.

It was so good.

I mean, she was standing on her chair cheering.

It was so awesome.

But she got so excited, she didn't realize that she was

in need to go to the restroom.

Oh.

So about three-quarters of the way through it, she goes, "Papa,

Papa, I gotta go to the bathroom.

Let's go, let's go, let's go."

And so, you know, we ran out and I'm just praying, "May she

control it till we get in there."

And, and nobody, no, no, no, nobody else was in the men's bathroom.

She went in.

She had to choose which stall.

That's, that was making me worried that she wasn't gonna get there.

She finally chose the one she wanted, and everything worked out great.

Oh, praise God for some self-control for a five-year-old.

And this morning, oh, I needed a little self-control.

I stopped at a stoplight, and I got a notification on my phone, and I

got a picture from, uh, uh, Yev.

She sent me a picture of Audrey.

If you didn't notice, she was playing the keyboard this morning,

one of our preteens, amen.

And, uh, so during practice she sent me a picture of, uh, Audrey, and so I was

looking at it, but I had the self-control.

When the light changed, I quit looking at my phone.

Both hands on the wheel.

You know, whatever, nine and, nine and ten, or nine…

Whatever it was.

You know?

And I started forward.

The car in front of me decided to change lanes in the middle of the

intersection, which is not allowable by statute, and started coming over,

and I had to swerve to miss him.

Otherwise, I'd have been late for church.

And they w- they woke up, or they q- got off of their phone or whatever was causing

them to be distracted, and I'm here safe.

Oh, praise God for self-control, staying off of that phone

We're gonna start light this morning.

Amen.

Have you noticed?

I've got a couple good ones.

Why are artists so good at self-control?

Because they always know where to draw the line

Needed people with a lot of self-control to work at the bubble factory.

Bubble wrap factory, excuse me.

Gotta get the punchline right.

Come on, Greg.

And this one I tested it out with the worship team.

This is a good one.

Don't ever say that, then people are let down.

But Henry and, uh, Helen went to the Grand Canyon, and they wanted…

And, and Henry wanted to take the helicopter ride down into

the canyon, and it was $200.

And Helen said, "No, no, no.

That's too much.

200 bucks is 200 bucks."

And, uh, so they didn't do it.

And the next time they went back to the Grand Ca- Canyon, uh, Harry said,

"I wanna go on the helicopter ride."

And, uh, and it was still only 200 bucks, and Helen says,

"No, 200 bucks is 200 bucks."

And so the third time, oh, Harry, he negotiated with the pilot

that, uh, could he go on the, on it for a discount or something.

The guy said, "Well, if you can g- you and your wife can go if you don't

say anything, if you make no noise.

But if you make some noise, if you scream or you holler,

then you have to pay the $200."

And they said, "Okay."

And Helen got on with, with, uh, uh, Harry, and they

went on the helicopter ride.

And the guy did all kinds of rolls and flips and everything.

He was always trying to get them to scream.

And they parked, and the pilot turned around to Harry and

said, "I can't believe it.

You had such self-control."

And Harry said, "Yeah, 200 bucks is 200 bucks, but I almost said

something when, uh, Helen fell out."

Now the worship team all laughed.

You guys, some of you didn't like that

We're talking about fruits of the spirit.

Maybe I needed a little more self-control to not share that.

Life on the Vine.

If you haven't been reading this book, please get it.

Put it on your list.

It's such an encouraging, helpful book, especially in this study series.

And, uh, may God fill us all up with the fruit of the Spirit.

Yes.

We need it in our world, and we need to be a spiritual church.

Amen?

Amen.

And as I've shared with you, the difference between self-control

is basically hubris or evil.

That's it.

If you're not self-controlled, if you're out of control, you're going to

commit sin, and it's going to be evil.

Proverbs 25 in verse 28, it's a great verse.

It says, "Like a city whose walls are broken down," in Orange County,

if we don't have self-discipline, self-control, it's like there is

no protection for us or our city, "is a man who lacks self-control."

And then the next verse, 1 Peter fi- 1:5-7, "For this reason, make every

effort to add to your faith," every effort, "goodness," that's one of

the fruits of the spirit, "and to goodness, knowledge," and that's why

we only are a Bible scriptural church.

We s- come right out of scripture, so we add every week, every time

we gather, to knowledge of God and knowledge of scripture, "and to

knowledge, self-control, and to s- and to self-control, perseverance,

and to perseverance, godliness, and to godliness, brotherly kindness, and to

brotherly kindness, the greatest love."

Yeah.

You know, I don't know about you, but I thought, there's times I've

said to God, "God, take control.

Jesus, take the wheel."

And when you pray that, when you make that decision, he will.

But he doesn't control you.

Like, it almost seems like a s- a, a, a misnomer to say self-control.

I want God control.

I want spirit control.

I don't want Greg control.

I don't want self-control.

But that would mean God would have to take free will from me.

That's it.

And he's not gonna do that.

There's times I think, "God, just take over.

Make me good, please."

Amen.

"I need to be good.

I need to be better.

I need to be an example.

I need to like myself."

See how your voice gets high when you get all excited?

I don't know if you've had that prayer, but I've had that prayer

at different times in my life.

"God, take control."

And he says, "No, Greg, you be self-controlled.

You make the decision yourself to be good.

You make the decision yourself to be your best self.

You make the decision and you choose to be spiritual.

You choose to do right.

You choose to obey.

You choose to say no."

And there's so many things in life, and I better get an amen on this,

there's so many things in life we need to say no to, don't we, young people?

Yes.

Yeah, if we don't say no, we're gonna be in trouble, aren't we?

I can look back at my life and say the times I sh- see the times I should

have said no, and I regret them.

And then I think of the times I did say no, I think, "Oh, praise God.

If I would have said yes to that, I might be in prison."

Oh, don't exaggerate, preacher.

No, you don't know me.

You don't know what I, how I grew up, all right?

I'm not exaggerating there.

My wife, she's told me, "If you hadn't become a Christian, you'd have

been dead by the time you were 30."

I said, "Kathy, don't say that kind of stuff."

"Don't exaggerate.

Don't be dramatic."

She goes, "No, you'd have been dead."

It's rough when people really know you

We've gotta choose to be self-controlled.

And guys, make the decision, and don't blame God when

you don't make the decision.

It's self-control.

The world thinks they can do it.

Here's one of their favorite books, The Willpower Instri- Instinct: How

to be Self-Control, How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What

You Can Do to Get More of It by Dr.

Kelly Mc- uh, McGonigal.

McGonigal.

She's a Stanford professor.

She's done a lot of, uh, research on this, and these things are helpful if you have

some basic character traits and character virtues, and you have some strengths.

But not everybody can follow through and do all the things that she says to do.

You know, one of the things she says to do is pause and plan.

Well, most people go by their emotions.

They don't take a breath.

They just go with whatever their body is telling them to do.

We have this fight or flight instinct within us.

It's automatic, and it kicks in, and she says, "No, pause and plan."

Well, if you have a lot of self-control, you can do that, but I thought you said

you're telling me how to get self-control.

Well, you gotta have self-control to even be self-controlled.

That's right.

See, that's why it needs to be a gift from God.

The world understands how it works, but doesn't always give us the power to do it.

Yes.

She says that, her research says when you're tired, when you get fatigued,

you're not gonna be as self-controlled.

Duh

I didn't need research to tell me that.

That's why I go to bed at night, because I get crankier and crankier after 9:00.

I don't know about you.

Oh.

Oh, you're one of those.

Don't get judgmental now.

All right?

We all have our struggles.

But the fatigue causes you to lose willpower, of course.

But there is also a contagion effect.

What does the Bible say?

Good company encourages good morals.

Bad company corrupts good morals.

So there is a contagion effect, but all this does is reinforce

to me what Scripture says.

The book goes on to say you gotta just claim your personal power.

All right?

I will.

You will yourself into…

And you can do a lot with willpower.

You can do a lot with the, the Armstrong, the bootstrap method of approach.

You remember what you really want and you keep going for it.

That works unless you fail and fail and fail.

But if you wanna get inspired, go to the Paw Patrol because Marshall didn't quit.

Anyway.

Don't wanna ruin it for you.

I won't.

That's saying no.

But I don't know how many testimonies I've heard, thousands upon thousands

over my years of ministry, beautiful young people c- getting up here, men

and women saying, "I decided when I was younger I wouldn't cross this

line, and then I crossed this line.

And I decided I'm not gonna cross this next line," and they cross this next line.

We can say we won't, but unless God and the Spirit is filling us up,

unless we're around good Christians and good people that wanna be

their best self, this won't work.

We won't always be able to resist temptation, 'cause there's gonna be those

people around us that say, "Come on.

Come on, chicken.

I dare you."

You know?

I remember when I became a Christian, I came home from college, and

my friends called me up, "Greg, let's go to Suds and Sounds."

That was the disco in town.

That dates me, right?

And I said, "Nah, I don't do that anymore."

"What?

We're coming to get you."

So they came to my front door.

They, they just walked in the house.

We didn't lock our doors.

They came in the house, three of my buddies grab me, drag me outside, and

I fought them off in the front yard.

I got, got away.

And they go, "What's your problem?"

"I s- told you guys I'm not doing that anymore."

Because I didn't have enough willpower when I started drinking to stop, and I

didn't have enough willpower after I drank too much not to give in to all this anger

and rage that I had pent up within me.

And so when I said, "No, I'm not doing that anymore," I meant it.

I didn't wanna be that person.

Yeah.

I didn't wanna be that person.

But when you have friends that are just gonna keep urging you

on, this doesn't always work

I wanted to be different.

I saw my life wasn't gonna be good without the spirit.

And this whole thing of self-awareness, this next part of the book,

self-awareness, self-care, self-motivated.

I was very self-motivated.

Pretty good at self-care, but the self-awareness, that's came

about 50 years old, not at 20.

And I know a lot of 20-year-olds that have very little self-control.

I know a lot of 30-year-olds with a lotta, with not very much self-control.

I know a lot of 40-year-olds with not very much self-control or self-awareness.

And I know a lot of 50-year-olds that lack self-awareness because

nobody told them the truth.

All right?

And so the book's good if you already have a measure of self-control, but

here is where self-control comes from.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love,

and self-discipline or self-control.

Where does this self-control that I'm talking about come from?

It comes from God.

Amen?

Amen.

It comes from God.

You know, there's this famous psychological test called the

marshmallow test in 1972 by a man named Walter Mischel, and he got

some elementary kids together, young children, you know, ages four to six,

and he offered them marshmallows.

He put these two marshmallows in front of these little kids and

said, "If you don't eat them, if you wait, I'll give you two more."

The majority of the kids went ahead and ate them.

The kids that didn't and waited, they did now a study ever since 1972, they

did a long, long longitudinal study, and they found that the kids that waited,

that had self-control, did better at SAT, did, did better at school.

They got higher IQ tests.

They were more socially competent.

When they got out of school, in their 40s they've tested them, and the

kids that held off had higher income, stronger marriages, and happier careers.

Self-control is worth it if you let God give it to you.

How many of you are football fans?

Whoo.

Yeah.

Football season's coming up.

I'm getting excited about it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rams are supposed to be great.

They're great.

A bunch of you guys are San Francisco fans.

I don't know about that.

Uh.

All right.

I'm a Denver fan, but I'm rooting for the home team.

All right?

Here's a study.

Here's why you need self-control.

If your team wins, you'll be more self-controlled.

But if your team loses, like if you're a Raiders fan or 49ers fan

The study says you lack self-cont- you'll lack self-control when they lose.

If you have more self … I- if y- if your team wins, you'll eat

healthier food, but if your team loses, you won't eat as healthy food

Unless you're a Christian.

All right.

And then you can choose because you'll have self-control.

You know what's also been studied?

If you're Christian, if you're spiritual, if you go to church, studies have

shown you have more self-control.

They did a 80-year study on this at the University of Miami.

I, I c- that's a long time.

They've been studying this for a long time.

Listen, Dr.

David Mc- uh, McCullough, who led the study, says, "We simply ask if there

is good evidence that people who are more religious have more self-control."

He says, "Researchers have been quietly looking into the question for many years.

They have found it isn't a latent fear of God's wrath that helps religious

people become self-controlled.

The evidence suggests that the ideas of the belief system become entrenched

into a person's systems of values, and that creates what could be called

a set of sacred personal goals."

Uh, the doctor says, "When you add it all up, it turns out that there

are remarkably consistent findings that religiosity, spirituality

correlates with higher self-control."

Hey, I'm glad I'm at church today.

'Cause I need self-control, but I'm also glad that God gave

me a spirit of self-control.

How about you?

Amen.

Amen?

Amen.

Praise God.

He knows what we need.

Plato said

Isn't the phrase self-mas- mastery, it's the Greek word ekrateia, absurd?

I mean, anyone who is his own master is also his own slave,

of course, and vice versa.

Since it's the same person who is subject to all these expressions.

Plato says that doesn't really work.

Well, it does if you add God to the mix.

Self-control is not self-mastery, as Plato thought, since self cannot control self.

Spiritual disciplines need to be practiced so Satan has no footholds in our lives.

God provides the self-control to resist sin and temptation, and

we can overcome with the fruit of self-control or spirit control.

See, I figured out at 19 years old, I need some help in life

Yeah, you religious people, you need a crutch.

Yeah, and so do you non-religious people.

Everybody needs a crutch

Everybody.

I've been a therapist for over t- 15 years.

I know what's inside people.

I've heard the c- the confessions of Christians and non-Christians.

I've been in that safe room where you can't repeat what's

said, and we all need help.

That's right.

Why can't we admit that?

Yeah.

Why can't we just say, "God, yeah, fill me with your spirit.

I need help."

That's right.

In fact, I'll just admit I need a lot of help.

I'll take as much help as God will give me.

You know, I need, I needed help driving here, didn't I?

Yeah.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't get on the interstate if I didn't have help.

Okay?

I like even the new tools in cars that tell you when you're getting out of your

lane and hits the brakes when you, you're spacing out and they need to be hit.

Praise God, I'll take all the help I can get.

People in the backseat will say, "Greg, sorry to be a backseat

driver, but it didn't seem like you were paying attention."

I just say, "Hey, I'll take all the help I can get.

I'm blind in the left eye."

Once I told Marty Fuqua and Reese Neilan that, they quit letting me drive

Let's just admit we need help.

Amen?

Amen.

Matthew 25:1-13, the parable of the virgins.

Matthew 25:1–13

"And at that time, the Kingdom of Heaven will be like 10 virgins who took their

lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom.

Five of them were foolish, and five were wise.

The five ones, the five foolish ones took their lamps but did

not take any oil with them.

The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps.

The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding

banquet, and the door was shut.

Later, the others also came.

'Sir, sir,' they said, 'open the door for us.'

But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'

Therefore, keep watch because you do not know the day or the hour."

See, God never takes self out.

You've gotta be wise.

You've gotta make the decision.

You gotta exercise your free will to do what is good.

There were five wise and five foolish.

We all have the capacity to be good- Yes … and we all have the capacity to be bad.

Yeah.

We all have the capacity to be wise, and we all have the capacity to be foolish.

Yeah.

Let's choose self-control.

Amen?

Amen.

Yeah.

Amen to that.

And that, then it won't matter whether your team we- wins or loses.

I know I'm gonna hear it afterwards.

I'm not gonna dig myself out of it.

All right?

I'm still gonna be a Rams fan.

Oh, come on.

Some of you are too serious about your teams.

I can tell.

You are, you're gonna be mad at me till, till you say something to me.

Obstacles for self-control.

I know how football fans are.

They're touchy

Pursuit of pleasure.

Why is it hard to be self-controlled?

Because deep down, we have to admit a lot of us, we've just given

ourself to be addicted to happiness.

If we're not happy, then we're looking for happiness, and

we'll do anything to be happy.

You know, life isn't that easy.

Don't get addicted to happiness, 'cause you're not always gonna be happy in life.

Especially the older you grow up, the more responsibility you take, sometimes

you have to choose not to be happy.

Sometimes you have to choose to do the dirty work, do the tough things-

Yeah … do the really hard things.

Get out of bed when you don't really feel like it, go to work

when you're still a little sick, because you don't have a choice.

You gotta pay the bills.

Yeah.

Don't be addicted to happiness.

Also, one of the obstacles to self-control is the lack of limits.

We want freedom.

Hey, nobody knows more about freedom than those of us that

grew up in the hippie era.

Talk about freedom.

I mean, some of those folks, they set themselves completely free.

LSD, you know what I'm talking about.

All right?

Let's not go back there.

Addicted to freedom isn't al- is sometimes just gonna enslave you even more.

Yeah.

Exalting of effort.

That's where a lot of us, especially in Orange County, I think can

get, get too addicted to success.

You know?

We're around a lot of successful people.

Yeah.

And it becomes a dog-eat-dog kind of mentality, and keep up with

the Joneses, or whoever they are.

Right?

They're behind gated commun- We don't know who they are.

All right?

But addicted to success, don't get addicted to success.

My testimony is that I've had a lot of success.

It doesn't bring you happiness.

It doesn't bring you happiness.

All right?

And it doesn't bring you self-control.

Right.

Refusal of reality.

Addicted to denial.

You know, there's some things I don't wanna think about

There's some things I really wanna compartmentalize.

I don't wanna go there.

I don't wanna go there come tax season

Sometimes you don't have a choice.

Yesterday I got two envelopes in the mail from Orange County.

Supplemental property tax.

Anybody know about that?

Don't be clapping

You know?

One bill for 700 bucks or so.

I said, "Oh, okay, that's not bad.

Two, two installments of $350.

I c- I think I can afford that."

Then I opened the other one.

I said, "Why do I have two envelopes?"

Opened the next one, it was like $6,000

That because housing prices have gone up and because I just got, bought a

house, I have this supplemental tax

I don't wanna think about it.

Why am I even bringing it up right now?

Here I am.

What a lack of self-control.

Help me, Lord.

Help me.

Proverbs 1:7.

Proverbs 1:7

'Cause I want you to share my pain.

Amen.

The fear of the Lord's the beginning of knowledge, but fools

despise wisdom and discipline.

Compartmentalizing it, denying it isn't gonna make it go away.

You have to just do what you have to do.

It goes on, Proverbs 6 and verse 23 says, "For these commands are a

lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline or

self-control are the way of life."

Self-discipline leads to self-control.

Amen.

In Titus 2, I love this verse because it tells me where I

can get this self-control.

"For the grace of God," the gifts from God, the gift of God, "that brings

salvation has appeared to all men.

It teaches us to say 'no'" Yeah.

"No to ungodliness

and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and

godly lives in this present age."

I mean, weren't you just so proud of Sarah up here?

Young college grad getting ready to take on the world, you know?

But spiritual, but so good-hearted.

Look at this front row.

These guys are smiling at me, trying to distract me.

He's try- look at him wave.

Look at him wave.

You know?

But aren't they beautiful?

Aren't they awesome?

Don't you, don't you love people that, that are gonna take over someday that are,

that are good, that are, that are, that are upright, godly, and self-controlled?

Yeah.

Not whatever.

Let's not go there.

Self-control is motivated by grace and God's love.

Yes.

All right?

Self-control is spiritual power from God.

Self-control is not mere human effort or self mas- mastery.

Self-control is spirit controlled because self cannot control self.

Amen.

So how do you cultivate this self-control in your life?

Surrender to God, acknowledge our need.

We already talked about that.

Worship God.

Surround yourself with other great people.

Praise God, I love the San Diego church.

I have such memories.

I saw so many miracles.

Thank you for coming up and encouraging us.

This side isn't always as full as it is today, amen.

Come every week if you want.

Amen.

Practice prayer and fasting, seeking God for transformation.

God help us.

God change us.

And denial of self, not self-righteous and not self-centered,

but spiritually controlled.

Spiritually self-controlled.

Spirit-filled, not addicted to fame, not addicted to fun, not addicted

to fortune, not addicted to food, but spirit driven all the way.

Amen?

Amen.

Not hard-hearted, hollow-hearted, half-hearted, hidden-hearted, but

hungry-hearted, honest-hearted, humble-hearted, and happy-hearted

because you're full of God's spirit.

Be self-controlled so you'll be Christ-like.

Amen?

Amen.

Let's be spiritual.

May this series be a blessing to you.

I'm gonna end with a prayer that God would just fill us up with His

Spirit, and the lesson is yours.

Pray with me now.

Open up your heart to God.

God and Father, we come before you now as a congregation that wants to be spiritual-

Amen … and wants to be filled with you.

We wanna be like Jesus in every way.

We wanna say no to ourselves.

We want the grace of God to be our motivation, and Father, we

wanna be our best self, and yet we know we need you to do that.

And we need each other.

God, thank you for your Word.

It always guides us in truth.

We pray these things in Christ holy, holy, holy name.

Amen.