No-Thing Makes Us Happy | What Makes Us Happy

Welcome to Trinity Sermons. Here at Trinity Church,

Streetsville, we want to share with you biblically based messages that not only

teach but also inspire you in your faith journey as we learn together to love

Jesus, live like Jesus, and lead others to Jesus. We are thrilled to be starting a

brand new sermon series today and we are so glad that you are joining us for it.

This is episode one of our new series titled, What Makes You Happy? And Rob

Hirkmans will be exploring the passage from Matthew 22 chapters 35 to 40 and

specifically looking at what or more accurately who makes us happy. Now before

we begin, we'd like to invite you to follow our podcast, check us out on

social media, and visit our website at trinitiestreetsville.org. Thanks for

listening and we hope you enjoy. God bless.

Matthew chapter 22 verses 35 to 40. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him

Matthew 22:35–40

with this question, Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law? Jesus

replied, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and

with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is

like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on

these two commandments. Well, as you've heard by now, we're starting a new

teaching series and the teaching series is called What Makes Us Happy? That could

be a question, that could be a statement, but let's imagine for a second, let's say

that I'm a researcher and I want to get to the bottom of this question to figure

out what makes us happy. How would I conduct my research? Well, I suppose one

of the things I could do is I could just go around and I could start asking

people what makes you happy. I could say what makes you happy? What makes you

happy? What makes you happy? Because after all, who knows what makes us happy

except us? Only I know what makes me happy. Only you know what makes you happy.

And so I would do my research. I would collect everything that people said. I

would file it. I would publish it. It would, you know, I'd do the talk show

circuit. I'd become a famous researcher who determined what makes us happy. But

what if I was wrong in the end? What if actually all my results were incorrect?

What if all that stuff that people told me makes them happy actually didn't make

them happy? And it wasn't that they were trying to lie to me. It was just they

actually didn't know the answer for themselves. They thought they knew

what made them happy and that's what they told me. They assumed they knew what

made them happy and that's what they told me. But what if what they actually

said didn't make them happy and actually doesn't make them happy? What if in fact

people don't really know the answer to the question what makes us happy? Or as

actually some real researchers who researched the topic of happiness put it,

people are terrible at knowing what's good for them. Now you might be totally

offended by that statement. How dare somebody say that I don't know what's

good for me and I don't know what makes me happy. But it is kind of true because

if you think about it, if we all want to be happy but many of us are not happy,

then could it be that we actually don't know what it is that makes us happy? Now

it's not your fault. It's not my fault when we're not happy because every time

you open up a magazine, every time you turn on the television, every time you

scroll through Instagram or you scroll through Facebook, there are people who

you've never met, who live in cities that you probably never visited and they are

creating commercials and they are creating advertisements and they are

trying to tell you what makes you happy. Now it's important to know these people

actually don't know what makes them happy any more than you know what makes

you happy. They are just trying to sell something but the point is we fall for

it again and again. We fall for it once, twice, and a hundred times. We find

ourselves scrolling through our phone and scrolling it down our screens and

watching the ads and and we start saying things like, well you know if only I had

I'd be happy or if only I've done I'd be happy. If only I wore then I'd be happy.

If only I drove then I'd be happy. If only I went, if only I had then maybe I

would be happy and we spend a lot of time and we spend a lot of money trying

to be happy and yet we still aren't happy sometimes. So maybe it's true, maybe

we actually don't know the thing that makes us happy. To find out what really

makes people happy you'd have to do a different kind of research project.

You couldn't just go around and say hey what makes you happy what makes you

happy because we know that you know people would tell us things and it

wouldn't necessarily be true. But what you'd have to do is you would have to

actually look at people's lives. You'd have to look at people's lives over a

long long period of time and you'd have to actually observe their the times in

their lives when they really experienced happiness. Imagine you could do a

research project like that. Imagine you do a research project that didn't just

last a day or a week but a project that lasted like 85 years long and imagine

that you didn't just talk to one or two or three people imagine you talk to

thousands and thousands of people about what made them happy and what if you

observe these people and you didn't just observe teenagers you didn't observe

young adults or adults or seniors but you you observe people from all ages of

life and what if you observe people who were poor and people who were rich and

people from all sorts of different ethnic backgrounds and what if you

didn't just study them in the moment but there was a way in which you could

study their lives as their lives unfolded over time. What if someone was

actually able to do kind of research like that. Maybe then you'd actually start

to learn what makes people happy. Well enter the world-famous Harvard study on

happiness. It is the longest scientific study on happiness. It is 84 85 years and

counting and for 85 years they have been tracking hundreds of individuals taking

thousands of measurements asking thousands of questions and the current

directors of the world-famous happiness study recently wrote a book called The

Good Life and I had a chance to read this book while I was on vacation this

summer and I was so excited I was like I cannot wait to see what they say is the

thing that makes people happy and and of course I started reading and it was

there right in the very first chapter and and when I got to it I was like well

duh I mean of course I already knew that I know that's true I think we obviously

obviously that's the thing that makes everybody happy I mean that's what they

found they found that there is one factor that again and again with

strength and consistency is constantly associated with happy people and when

you hear what it is you're gonna say the exact same thing you're gonna say oh I'm

not shocked because deep down we all knew this we all know this right the thing

that makes us happy it's not career achievements not you know necessarily

money or wealth or advancement or a healthy diet or any all those things

help those things help they say but there's one thing most of all that

really makes us happy and that is relationships relationships yes in fact

let's take a quote from the book they said if we had to take all 84 years of

the Harvard study and boil it down to a single principle for living it would be

this good relationships keep us healthier and happier period that means

if you were gonna make one choice for your life a single decision to best

ensure your own health and happiness science tells us that the best thing you

could do would be to cultivate warm relationships and it's not just a choice

you would make just once it's a choice that you would make again and again each

and every day and when we talk about the types of relationships that make people

happy it's not just your closest loved ones or your family members or your

friends but even our relationships with interactions with strangers actually

make us happy but we often don't think it will let me tell you about one of the

experiments that they they had in the book it was pretty fascinating they said

imagine this imagine that you were sitting down on a train and on this

train it is just filled with with strangers and you need to make a

decision about what's gonna make this the happiest commute for you today you

have two choices your one choice would be to keep to yourself and the other choice

would be to spark up a conversation with one of these random strangers on the

train now if I was to ask you that question just like the researchers asked

a bunch of people this question nearly all of us would say oh my goodness I

would just totally keep to myself or I've got some work to do I would rather

listen to a podcast listen to some music besides if I spark up a conversation

with a stranger they're probably gonna go on and on and tell me their whole

life story and it's gonna become really really awkward and so that they predict

it you predict I predict we all predict that what's gonna make us happier is if

we keep to ourselves and we don't get into something with a stranger on a

train well what they did is they actually did this study they took a

bunch of commuters and they asked them to predict and they predicted the exact

same things we predict that they would rather keep to themselves and start a

conversation with a stranger and then they split the group into two and they

told this group we want you to intentionally keep to yourself on this

train trip and they told this group we want you to intentionally enter into

conversation with a stranger on this train trip and when the results came

back it was exactly the opposite of what everybody had predicted for

themselves and about themselves people who had to get into a conversation with

a stranger consistently rated the enjoyment and pleasure of their commute

higher than usual even if they had work to do they found themselves to be you

know still as productive as ever and they enjoyed the trip more why is that

it's because relationships are the things that make us happy whether it's

with loved ones or with complete strangers but often we don't know it and

we don't act like it's true in other words happiness we're discovering is

more about who than what which totally makes sense because if happiness was

just about a what all you'd have to do is go out and get that what and you'd be

happy if you had a miserable day at work and you came home from work you could

just go pick up your what and hold on to it and you become happy again everybody

would be happy if happiness was a what you could just pick it up but happiness

is almost always a who and it is not a what I'm gonna give you some examples of

how I kind of feel like this played out in my own life from time to time but I

remember when I was in high school I don't think I think I'm remembering

correctly but the thing that mattered most to me was the who's not the what's

if I went to school and I could find a group of people that I felt like I

connected with and I had a community and these were my people these were my who's

that was more important than what I had or what I was wearing I needed to have

those who's that was more important to me sometimes when we go to visit my

parents they have this big wall full of photos my parents came from Holland they

came from England to Canada and it was a hard hard life for them they eked out a

living they didn't have much but I look at all these photos on the wall and

they're all smiling and they're all happy and why is that it's because

happiness is more about a who than it is a what or let's go a little further

some of you like me you've been to maybe a developing country and you've been to

those countries and you see people who do not have enough what they need more

stuff they need more resources they need more education they need more support

and and that's all true but when you come back one of the things you're often

struck with is man they still seemed happy how could that be it's because

even though they did not have very much what they still had lots of who and even

though they needed more what and they need more what they had enough who and

it's the who's that make us happy or here's another example have you ever

noticed that when somebody in your family is sad you have a really hard

time being happy yourself right I can't be happy if you're sad why is that

because my happiness is related to the other who's in my life and if you're

happy I can be happy but if you're sad I have a really hard time being sad

because happiness has more to do with who's than what's or perhaps the best

example maybe the one people always talk about is at the end of your life when

you're lying on your deathbed the thing that you will want to see the most is

not a thing it'll be a person it'll be a who not a what you will not say bring me

my portfolio I want to see it one last time you will not say to the nurse would

you please wheel me down to the parking lot it's out to my car I just want to

spend a few more moments with my car that's not what you'll say you'll say

can you bring me my kids bring me my grandkids bring me my my spouse bring me

my parents whatever the case may be happiness is about who it's not about

what and you'd have your own stories I think to verify that so you could answer

the question what makes us happy by saying this nothing makes us happy and

when I say nothing what I mean is no thing makes us happy no what makes us

happy it's a who not a what in fact I want to suggest to you today that there's

actually three who's three who's in particular that I find that happy people

seem to be in really good relationships with these three who's again and again

you come across happy people you say man they seem to have really good

relationships with these three who's in their life what are these three who's

here's the first one first of all happy people seem to to be really happy with

themselves the first who is you they have a piece about who they are if you've

ever met a happy person you'll have this sense that they know who they are and

they're not trying to be someone else they're not pretending they're not

projecting they're not promoting themselves they're just genuine they have

a relation a right relationship with themselves you could say right and often

in this word we're told you know go and be this person or go and act like that

person and when we go and we try to act like something we're not it actually

takes away our happiness creates turmoil within us but when you meet a happy

person it's like they say hey I am happy to be me right I'm cool with who I am I

am who I am and I'm okay with that they're in the right relationship with

themselves right but there's a second who that happy people seem to have

really good relationships with and that is with others happy people have good

relationships with other people they don't seem to be angry they don't seem

to be bitter all the time or ready to blow up even if they've been mistreated

they still seem happy sometimes you hear their story and you'll be like I can't

believe they did that to you I can't believe she said that to you you must be

so furious you must be so bitter you must be so resentful but then these

happy people say things like well you know what I just kind of moved on I just

kind of forgave them you know I don't want to deal with all that you know and

so I just moved on and that was that they're not consumed with with payback

they're not consumed with revenge happy people say it's okay and we're like it

is not okay that is not okay and they're like yeah you know it's okay it's okay

I'm ready to move on they have good relationships they've reconciled their

relationships with other people in their life so those are the first two's of the

first two who's of happiness we have right relationships with ourselves and

right relationships with other people but I would say that another thing you

sometimes not always I was not say always but you when you encounter people

who are happy oftentimes they also have another relationship that's in the right

place and that's their relationship with God they just have this peace with God

there's something about them they believe that there's more to this life

than this life and they believe that God loves them and that God has a purpose

for their life they believe that in the end somehow everything is going to work

out and that belief enables them to go through life go through difficult stuff

that would otherwise steal people's happiness but they're able to cruise on

through because they have this right relationship with God and so here are

the three who's of happiness our relationship with our relationship with

others and our relationship with God are the three things that make us happy and

anything that undermines these three relationships often steals our happiness

away from us right in fact if you think back to an especially unhappy time in

your life chances are it was because one of these relationships was undermined or

broken or or fell apart whatever happened I'm not sure what it was maybe it

was with God or with others or something that you just lost faith in yourself

anyways it chipped away at your happiness because the relationship was

broken so if I was to turn this into a bit of an equation you might call this

the happiness equation you could you could put it this way you could say that

happiness is the sum of right relationships with ourselves a right

relationship with others and right relationship with God but I think

actually this works better not so much as a sum but almost as a flowchart and

that is to say this when we have a right relationship with God that actually

leads us to have a renewed right relationship with ourselves and that

makes it possible for us to actually have right relationships with other

people when we get it right with God something happens inside of us changes

us and then we're able to love people forgive people and get it right with

others now I know if you go look in the Bible and you say oh Rob I don't see the

happiness equation anywhere in the Bible what are you talking about of course you

won't find it the happiness equations not in the Bible that's not what the

Bible calls it that's not what Jesus calls it but it seems to me that this is

exactly what Jesus was talking about today in our reading this morning Jesus

is offering us this recipe this recipe for satisfaction and peace and happiness

in our life and it has everything to do with these three who's I want to end by

just taking you through that story one more time it all started when a lawyer

asked Jesus hey Jesus you know what is the most important thing in life now

what is the most important law in life what is the most important commandment

in life it makes sense that lawyer is asking questions about commandments and

laws it was kind of his job and and there are in the Old Testament something

like 600 different laws so it's not necessarily the easiest question to

answer and so he says teacher which of these commandments is the greatest

commandment in the law and it's funny you might be saying like Rob I don't know

where you're going with this but when I think of commandments and when I think

of laws I think of things that keep me from happiness not not things that

actually cause me happiness laws don't give happiness but but Jesus replied

and he replied this way he said he said the greatest commandment is love and then

let's just pause there for a moment probably at this point the lawyer was

like no no Jesus you you probably didn't hear the question I was looking for a

commandment and Jesus says yeah yeah so the greatest commandment is this love

and he's like no no you see I'm looking for give me a couple thou shalt not or

thou shalt I'm looking for like some rules like some do's and don'ts what's

the greatest commandment Jesus like no I heard the question so here's the

greatest command greatest command is to love and he's like I want a commandment

this love that's a relationship word Jesus that's not a that's not a legal

word that's not a commandment word but see Jesus knew that God's laws have

everything to do with relationships and are given actually to make us happy

especially this one Jesus goes on to say this is the greatest

commandment love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul

and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself now look at this

just look there's the happiness equation that there are those three who's the

three important relationships love God love others and love yourself the most

important thing in life is to have a right relationship with God God loves

you can you love God back the second thing is to love others to love your

neighbor and the third thing is to actually to love yourself to live your

neighbor as you love yourself my friends this could be this what we're looking at

right now could be the only thing that we really need to learn in this life

loving God loving others loving yourself this is the key to peace

satisfaction and happiness in your life so if you were to say Jesus Jesus what's

most important he'd say love God love others love yourself Jesus well how do I

find the purpose of my life says love God love others love yourself Jesus you

were to distill and summarize all the commandments in the whole Bible and all

the old and new testament what would you boil it all down to love God love

others and love yourself and then we would say but Jesus if I were to love

God and to love others and love myself well then then I I'd be happy and Jesus

would say you got it and and then we'd probably say but if that's the case

Jesus then it really sounds like you want me to be happy and I think Jesus

would say I do want you to be happy after all why Jesus come wasn't it to

mend the broken relationships that exist between God others and within

ourselves isn't that what the cross was about our sin our selfishness shattered

and broke relationships all over the place but Jesus came to fix all that

Paul puts it this way he says all this comes from God who fixed the relationship

between us and him and then called us to fix our relationships with each other so

just let me get this straight if happiness depends on right

relationships with God and with others and with myself and if Jesus died to

heal the relationships between God and others and myself then Jesus must really

want me to be satisfied and happy in this life which for some of you is a bit

of a revolutionary idea because you have always assumed that actually God was in

the way of your happiness some of you left church for this reason you went to

church and you found church to be such a dry and dull and boring place and it was

so cold it was so lifeless and the people did not seem happy and and so you

almost had felt like you had to make a decision either I follow all this these

religious rules and rituals or I am gonna be a happy person but but the both

can't exist at the same time and you had to make a choice you thought God was

against happiness and so you you chose of course happiness over God you chose

happiness over over church like all of us would do because who wants to be

unhappy of course you left of course you left but what we've learned today

actually is God is not in the way of our happiness God is actually providing a

way for our happiness Jesus death restores our relationship with God and

then transforms our relationship with ourself and then enables us to live in

right relationships with other people and those are the very three things we

need to be happy so I'm going to end there this morning and I think that

leaves us with a lot to think about as we you know continue next week let me

just say I think there's four four things here today there's some surprising

news there's some good news or some bad news and there's some great news

surprising news we learned was this we don't always know how to be happy it's

it's strange but we spend time and money on things that we think will make us

happy but they don't but the good news is there is a way to be happy our

happiness comes from the who's in our lives not the what's in our lives and so

we can be happy especially if we pursue great relationships with ourselves and

with others and with God but here's the bad news relationships are hard and

often they break down over time our relationships with others our

relationship with God and if they're broken then how can we be happy and then

the great news Jesus came to heal all those broken relationships with God with

ourselves and with others which means that if you want to be happy and we all

do Jesus knows the way and he can lead us in that way because he made the way

so I hope you come back next week as we continue this series I think you'll be

happy if you do but for now

thank you so much for joining us today and we hope that you found the sermon

positive and inspiring and come back next week for our next sermon take care

today's sermon was taken from the September 17th 2023 service at Trinity

Church streetsville in Mississauga Ontario