The Dam: Safe Spaces, Safe People | Trinity Talks Podcast

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Trinity Talks.

Today we are here at the dam.

I'm here with Ken Dryfow and he is the program manager here at the dam.

He's going to take us on a tour of what they do here.

So thanks for joining us today, Ken.

Yeah, glad to be here.

Glad to have you guys with us.

Okay.

So maybe you can just take us on a tour where we are now and what happens in this building.

For sure.

So what you can't see is that you're located at the back corner of the Meadowvale town center.

They gave us a back entrance and like the little back half of the shop because that's where they wanted the youth hanging out.

So the front doors are right here and at 2 30 every school day, these doors burst open and we get our first rush of youth coming into the space and they will drop their bags and drop their jackets.

But most of them will make a beeline right to the food counter here where our volunteers and our student placements and our program staff have been diligently preparing food for the day and they will come through the line and fill up their plates and find places to hang and sit and be with their friends.

Some people will take a little to go container and just be right back out the door.

But that's our first rush at 2 30.

We'll get our middle school kids because they get out a little bit earlier.

That's the Edenwood kids.

The West Credit students will start trickling in the Mount Carmel kids will start trickling in and then we'll have another big rush at 3 where we do it all over again with our Meadowvale secondary school kids who come pouring in.

So on a.

Chiller day we might have about 60 youth poured through in about an hour and a half to two hours depending how long our drop in is that day.

And then sometimes we can get up like 85 to 100 youth.

OK, well as well in that in that 90 minute period and yeah it's really good offering food is something that we didn't always do every day as part of what we do at the dam.

But we ended up getting a lot of staff who were passionate about that.

And now it's more needed than ever.

Mississauga has declared a food.

Insecurity emergency.

Right.

I think that right now we have.

In 2019 one in 37 Mississauga residents made use of the food bank.

Now that number is up to one in 13.

Wow.

So that's five years.

Yeah.

And we're seeing the effects of just increasing cost of living increased cost of housing.

Sure.

All of those different things.

And yeah, we things might get worse before they get better.

We've seen encampments and tent cities start to swell and not just in Toronto but right here in Mississauga as well.

So we're glad to have our food component.

Sure.

So what sort of snacks or food do you usually serve?

It all depends what we get.

So we've got some great partners.

We get Mississauga food banks certainly gives a bunch of our food to us.

But then we also use a program called Second Harvest where different stores or food places are saying,

hey, we have extra groceries.

We go up to the to the superstore here pretty regularly to do pickups from them.

And so depending on what meat or veggies or whatever it is that we have our chef whizzes and our staff,

Ken Roy really kind of runs this kitchen, he figures out what the menu was going to be for that week and what we're going to do.

And then when we can, of course, we also try to supplement that with other types of foods because we're not as commonly getting halal options for free.

But we have lots of our youth who certainly are looking for halal options.

So we try to supplement with some of that as well.

But yeah, it's a pretty it's pretty good.

You could get you get a decent meal here pretty quickly.

You get you get a decent meal here pretty much every day after school.

So that's a nice component.

But really, it's just a part of it.

I mean, the dam started originally to kind of help tackle the crisis of youth homelessness.

But then part of what we found was, of course, when you do long term relational work with youth, it has so many other positive benefits.

So yes, we for sure want to help respond to the hunger and the need that is out there with our food.

But the core of our work remains to be building long term positive relationships with youth, giving them loving adults in their life who are in their corner who mentor them who believe in them who are going to help them, you know, set goals and achieve those goals, as well as building a supportive peer network with the other youth who come in here so that they have friends and they have youth.

You know, they don't feel alone and that starts to build a little bit more, you know, hope for the future and what and what might be possible for them.

Yeah, for sure.

So you have the rest of the space that they then go in and so then we got the rest of the space and lately coloring has been a big thing.

Okay.

We got the coloring books out.

We got a puzzle table over here.

And the puzzles have been going wild all year.

And really, it depends from group of youth to group of youth.

What's really popular.

But right now, those things are wonderful and really getting youth engaged in things that might seem a little bit more like what kids do can be phenomenal.

Sure.

Because we don't know everyone who's walking through the doors, but we do always have youth coming in here who probably had some hard stuff happen in their childhood.

We actually call it ACE, which is adverse childhood experiences.

And there's a whole measure around it and all of this technical stuff.

But at a much more simple level, giving youth opportunities to still be kids and engage in some of that kidlike play is so essential.

Just to kind of bring some of that joy there and to get their guards down and to not be so concerned about, you know, how they look and what everybody's thinking.

If we can break through that barrier, that's pretty good.

What this also does is it sets up multiple different spaces and places through the dam where people can hang out.

And that can be a good thing because we get a lot of different groups of youth who are coming in here.

So one big space, different groups of youth, it can cause the ingredients for some tension.

Sure.

And so we try to do this intentionally so that one group can hang out here.

One group, if this group has beef with this group, cool, just go hang out in different spots.

Not that we never have any tension in the space, sometimes we do, but usually we don't.

And when I look at the different small spaces in here for groups of youth to hang out at, I love it because it reminds me of the thing that the dam is doing that I think is so essential in the GTA and the Mississauga.

And that is finding a way for everybody to find a home in the same space.

Sure.

And people are so different from one another, they're coming with different beliefs, they're coming from different cultural backgrounds, along with all of the other tensions that just arise because you've got a bunch of teenagers together.

How do you find a way in the midst of all of that difference to build healthy and loving community together?

I think that we see that happening here every day and it's just, it's one of those things that I just love about the dam so much that we are finding a way to do what we all need to find a way to do.

And that is to find places of love and caring and sharing and being together, even in the midst of such difference from one another.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Over here we got our video game area.

This is the area that can get the loudest.

Sure, yeah.

And so we put together a little bit of a schedule, different video games on different days, so it's not always an argument about what are we going to play and how's that all going to work.

And then over here we have a quiet room.

If I remove the thing, you can see quiet room.

And this is just for kids who need to get away from the hustle and the bustle.

Sure.

It can be pretty loud in here, particularly if you have 80 youth.

And so we do have kids who specifically ask, can I go in the quiet room?

They do their homework or they just sit and can chill and not be as impacted by what can be a pretty sensory overload in the space.

Sure.

So yeah, we got all those options.

Kids can grab a guitar, kids can grab a book, they can play air hockey, they can play football.

They can do all of those different things.

I think that one of the things that we have always and still deal with here is you end up getting a lot of kids who kind of come in, they get their food, they kind of keep their head down, or maybe they're with their little group of friends, they head out the door.

And they give off the vibe that says, I'm not really interested in this other part that you guys are offering.

Right.

I'm not really interested in kind of letting you adults into my world or into my life.

I'm not really interested in, right?

Like I got my buds here and we're cool and I'm going to, and it is often those fringe youth that we know end up in a little bit more trouble in the community or in trouble at school.

And we got some great relationships with the schools.

So that's really nice too.

But what happens quite a bit is that when these youth end up in a situation that gets away from them.

Right.

And things go sideways.

That's when they know that they have a place and they have people who they can turn to or who they can talk to.

Where someone who maybe has mostly evaded us suddenly is like, hey, can I go and talk to you in the quiet room for a minute?

And, you know, those moments are, well, they're obviously not the best moments typically because it could take a lot for a kid to finally get to that place where they're like, I'm going to let this person into my life.

But they also kind of reveal the power and the impact of what we do before things get too out of hand or before, you know, just more instead of someone just feeling like, oh, now I'm going to have to deal with this on my own.

They know they have a safe place and they know they have safe people.

Right.

And that's such a key, you know, in the midst of trauma, one of the biggest things that people need is safe place and safe people.

In the midst of trouble in our life, in the midst of, you know, all of those things.

Safe place, safe people.

And so that's what we continue to try to be here.

That's what we continue to try to be in our space in Cooxville.

But then also just as we're present out in the community, and I think that certainly that's what we can all do and, you know, everybody watching this at Trinity right now.

One of the things that we can all do is do our best to provide safe place and be safe people for the people who need it, no matter what their stories are, no matter what they're coming through the door with.

Some of it might be incredible.

Some of it might be incredibly taxing.

But how can we continue to find ways to be safe place and safe people for everybody who needs it?

And so it's the holiday season and Christmas is upon us.

And all the more reason to remember and tap in to that reality, right?

Like, maybe we can be a bit like the innkeeper when people feel like they got no place to be and no place to go.

And our inn is already packed out and we've let in everybody that we possibly could.

And maybe it feels like we got no more to give, but then we're like, oh, wait a minute, I still can find a place.

I still can find a place so that you're safer.

I still can find somewhere so that there's a place for you to be and find that little bit extra in my heart, find that little bit extra.

Maybe in my expenses, find a little bit extra somewhere to make sure that the people who need it most still have a place to go and still have safety and joy and love.

Yeah. So I thought we would just sit down and chat a little bit more about some of the programs and the work that you're doing here.

Wonderful.

So you have your drop-in center five days a week?

Yeah, five days a week drop-in runs most of the time for this reason or that reason.

Sometimes it'll be a day where we're not open, but for the most part, it is Monday to Friday, particularly here in Meadowvale.

That just tends to work the best, that's certainly when we see the most youth numbers.

I mean, we could also say it's strategic because that window of time after school is typically when the most youth mischief or youth crime happens.

Sure.

You know, that window of time after school is over and before their parents get home and they're hanging out with their friends in the community.

So there is a bit of a strategist to it, but also it's just when the youth are already out and about and so they're going to come to the dam.

And yeah, we can do an event on a weekend and that can be fine, but we get a few less.

And then we do some other programs.

So after drop-in closes, we'll offer a leadership program or we will offer an opportunity to get some volunteer hours.

We've had art programs, we've had movie programs, we've done all kinds of things over the years.

Other groups coming in to provide something for the youth, you know, whatever it might be.

So, but yeah, for the most part, the core of what we're doing is happening those times.

And in and amongst that, we also have staff doing mentoring.

So they're meeting with the youth one-on-one over at Tim Hortons or wherever it might be, just to chat about what's going on and how the week has been.

The last two weeks has been.

And just providing that outlet of like a safe, loving adult in their life who is going to always be in their corner, always cheering for them, you know,

and helping maybe infuse their life with a little bit of optimism for what they're capable of and how much we believe in them.

And then in Cooksville, same deal every day after school, but because it's right across the street from TL Kennedy Secondary School, we do three lunch droppings as well.

So yeah, things can be pretty busy there, lots of food, and lots of kids just running across the road to be the first ones in line in the kitchen.

But yeah, that is the main thrust of our programming still is that drop in time after school.

And so you mentioned that the DIMM started as a way of supporting homeless youth.

And do you still see problems with youth struggling with housing in Mississauga?

Yeah, we definitely do.

And I should say that the DIMM didn't start as a trying to be a response to homelessness.

It tried to be an upstream response to homelessness.

And so the DIMM has the name the DIMM and shout out to Bill Crawford at Trinity, who was there from the start, because they were working with homeless youth in Toronto

and realizing that most of these kids didn't come from Toronto, they came from other communities.

And before you can even get homeless youth often to talk about the things that led them onto the street in the first place,

you're unpacking a lot of the additional trauma and violence and hunger and fear that they've experienced since being on the street.

But if you were ever able to unpack that, what they were finding out was they were coming from communities like Meadowvale.

And so they set up in the Meadowvale mall at that time in the food court.

And the whole point and the reason they called themselves the DIMM was because they wanted to stop the flow of youth from our community onto the streets of Toronto.

And yeah, like I've alluded to already, I think that we've seen that stop the flow of so much more than that as well.

Prevention is such key work.

We put about 90% of the resources of all social services into response.

Even though all the data and all the experts know it should be flipped.

If we did 90% on prevention and 10% on response, we would end up in a much, much better place.

So yeah, we do still see youth struggling with being under housed or precariously housed or housing insecurity or being homeless.

We have a program where we are able to offer a little bit of supplemental care to help youth pay rent who need to do that, which is great to be able to offer.

But it can be really tricky.

And when it comes to housing issues for youth, a lot of youth can end up kind of stuck in this really weird place.

Particularly, you know, if you have a kid who's 17 years old right now and things at home are not good.

But them and their family have kind of dodged and ducked CAS or maybe are doing the bare minimum to make sure that they don't get in trouble.

But that 17-year-old knows when his 18th birthday hits, he's going to end up on the street needing to fend for himself.

And I've heard these stories sound many different ways.

Maybe they want to go to school, but mom and dad aren't even willing to sign OSAP forms.

You know, maybe they want to do, maybe they... So now suddenly they got to figure out a way when they turn 18 to live outside of mom and dad's house.

Maybe they have a job, maybe they don't.

Probably not because youth unemployment is crazy right now.

And it's super hard for youth to find jobs.

We also have an employment program helping youth develop their resumes and working on their interview skills and trying to create partnerships with employers out in the community.

And every once in a while, yeah, that might help a youth get a job.

But what is this kid supposed to do?

And if they don't have a job and they don't have a place to live, there's very few other supports that they're able to access.

They can't get housing subsidies if they don't have a place.

So they often end up in a situation where it's like, I'm going to be homeless and while I'm homeless, I need to try to find a job.

And I need to find a new address so then I can use that address to start hopefully getting a little bit of supplemental income to then start working towards whatever I think my hopes and dreams and goals might be.

Sure.

And as you can imagine, if you're coming out of a house where there hasn't been a lot of love, care, support, right?

And they want you out on your butt when you're 18 years old, chances are that you're not creating the types of goals that some other youth are creating because hope for the future is lower, self-esteem is lower,

capacity to do some of these things might be lower, they've had to tap into so much resilience already just to be able to navigate living in a world where mom and dad are not those safe people, where home is not that safe place.

That takes an incredible amount of resilience and can be exhausting.

Sure.

So on top of that, more likely that depression might be a little bit higher or anxiety is a little bit greater.

And so this kid ends up in a really, really precarious situation.

And so, yes, housing is still an issue.

And like I said from the start, 10 cities, encampments are growing in Hamilton and Mississauga and Toronto everywhere, right?

And our communities are just starting to figure out how are we going to respond to this type of swell and increase in homelessness?

And we don't know how we're going to do that entirely.

And so it's going to be something that I think that we are needing to help youth navigate a lot more often.

Sure.

Right?

We will sometimes have updates at our staff meeting and we'll say a kid's name and we know the update that we're looking for, right?

Do they have a job?

Do they have a place to live?

Right?

And staff, unfortunately, sometimes have to say, no, like neither of those things have happened yet this week.

And then the next week, you know, hopefully trying to help them point them in the right direction, bring them to the resources or get resources or whatever it is.

So that we can even just kind of get them back on their feet to the point where they can start dreaming about the future again.

Yeah.

You can't dream about the future, you can't make incredible goals when you're just trying to find a way to survive day to day.

For sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

So in your work here, what have you seen as the impact of the dam?

How have you seen, yeah, maybe there's a story or how have you seen it impact youth's lives?

That's a big question.

Yeah, I mean, I'm lucky because I've been here for 21 years.

And so I've seen all kinds of youth grow up.

And when that happens, I think that's often where we get to see some of the long term impact.

Sure.

Right?

Still being connected to so many youth who have come through here over the years and, you know, some of them are a lot older than the age that I was when I started working here.

And so many of them doing so well and who are able to articulate with their own words, man, I'm so glad I had a place like the dam.

Man, this place was so instrumental in my life.

You know, the staff from the dam or this staff in particular, you know, was so meaningful in my journey and getting me to the place that I was.

You know, we've seen a lot of youth who at one point or another might have been called this or that or people would have thought they were a lost cause who now are doing so well.

Right.

And families and wonderful jobs.

And I do, I want to pause though for a second because I do think that we do a disservice when we just fall into the trap of thinking that a kid is okay because when they grew up, they have a good job.

Right.

Right.

And they have a family.

You know, there is this trap that we fall into just to just kind of mirror the culture, mirror the society around us that says what we need is we need you to get these youth upwardly mobile so that they can be good positive contributors to society.

Right.

And you know, the only reason that I care about any of that stuff at all is because I want it to be easier for this kid to be able to make ends meet. But what I really want for that kid walking through the door is I want them to know how incredible they are.

I want them to know how loved they are. I want them to believe in the spark that is in themselves that they are capable of amazing things.

I want them to realize their own strength and resilience. I want them to be able to tap into some of that and maybe see a lot of the insecurity that I see not just in youth, but in so many people start to just drop away so that they can begin to walk with their chest up and realize I'm worthy.

Yeah.

I'm worthy of my birth. I have value. I'm worthy of love. Everybody's worthy of being loved and show and I'm capable of showing love and I'm capable of helping out my neighbor and I'm capable of, you know, like being someone that someone else can talk to when they need somebody and they need to save place.

But if we have youth, and this happens all the time, if we have youth who go from a place where social interactions and peer interactions were full of anxiety and fear and tenseness and then get to a place where they're feeling more comfortable and confident and are able to interact with other people well

and know that they are loved and know that they just want to love on other people, I mean that is absolutely incredible. That's the type of transformation that I think I get even more stoked about.

Sure.

I'm more pumped about a kid who has figured out that they're loved than just because they got a really good job. I'm pumped about that other part too. But you know, that's part of it for me.

We have so many kids coming in here, different stories, different whatever, some of them might never ever have a high paying job. Some of them might never ever be able to afford a house of their own. So then what?

Right.

So with that success, then we need to change the entire model of what we're doing. So success needs to be something else and that success needs to be rooted in love and joy and peace and kindness and goodness.

And if it's rooted in that stuff, then let's go because that's how I see transformation happening. We see youth who, and this is a line that I use sometimes because I like it, but we see youth who are able to take the pen out of the hands of the pain of the past and realize that they are able to start to write their own future.

That isn't determined by that. That the past doesn't decide your future. You decide your future. And then the healing and the empowerment and all of the things that need to take place for them to be able to do that. Well, that's the work we do.

Right.

And yeah, those are the incredible stories.

Yeah. That's so good. Is there anything else that you wanted to share with the folks at Trinity?

Oh, I don't know. Listen, we've got some holiday parties coming up. And in them, we like to bless our youth with all kinds of food and with gifts.

So you can go on our website and you can see our wish list that's on there or you certainly can make a donation to the dam this holiday season or through your church's offering to the dam, which is absolutely incredible.

And then as we look forward in February, will be our annual coldest night of the year walk. And so it would be great to have a Trinity team out walking in our coldest night fundraiser.

It's an amazing community opportunity and there's so many people out from the community to just get out there on a cold night to remind ourselves of what housing insecurity can feel like.

But it really is a joyful night to be able to get out, walk with our neighbors and raise some money for a good cause.

Okay. Great. Well, thank you so much, Ken.

Thank you guys. Appreciate you being here.

Yeah. This has been really good.

Thanks. Everyone enjoy the rest of your week, the rest of your Sunday.

Okay. And yeah, so this has been our Trinity Talks episode here at the dam. And I hope that you've been able to gather some stories and glean some information about ways that you can support youth both in your own lives,

and through this incredible organization. So have a great week.