Stop Complaining (Do This Instead)| Trinity Sermons

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Trinity

Sermons. This week we are continuing our teaching

series called Spring Cleaning, where we're looking

at some of the bad habits in our life that we

need to get rid of in order to make more space

for good things to grow. And this week Rob's

going to talk to us all about complaining. You

know, those negative Nellies, those grumpy Gusses,

those people who just always seem to have something.

to complain about. But maybe those people are

us. And if they are, what should we do about

it? Today's reading is from Philippians chapter

Philippians 2:12–16

2, verses 12 to 16. Therefore, my friends, as

you have always obeyed, not only in my presence,

but now much more in my absence, continue to

work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

For it is God who works in you to will and to

act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do

everything without grumbling or arguing so that

you may become blameless and pure. Children of

God, without fault in a warped and a crooked

generation. Then you will shine among them like

stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word

of life. The word of the Lord. You might remember

that last week we got started by talking about

how to clear out comparing and how when we compare

ourselves to others it does all sorts of bad

things inside of us. And today a part of our

spiritual tidy up is to conquer complaining,

conquer complaining. We are however going to

need more than just a janitor to do this work

and we're going to need God's help. So that's

why every week when we start this kind of interior

cleanup, we want to pray. And so what we're going

to be praying, just like last week, is this section

of Psalm 139. And this, again, is just to be

a reminder to us that the goal of this teaching

series is not to try harder or to kind of clean

up your own life. That's not what it's about.

This is work that God needs to do in us. And

so if you would. Once again, would you pray with

me? Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me

and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is

any offensive way in me and lead me in the way

everlasting. Amen. Well, now, our janitor friend

over here was quite humorous, but actually, complaining

is no laughing matter. Complaining makes us miserable.

Complaining makes everyone around us miserable.

And it's a real hard habit to break. I tried

to do a little bit of a research on complaining

this week. And the research says that on average,

a person will complain something like 15 to 30

times a day, which is like a couple times, few

times for every waking hour that we are awake.

And partly it's because We've been conditioned

this way. You don't go home and turn on the news

and hear, look at all the wonderful things going

on in the world. You go home and you turn on

the news and it's everything that's broken. It's

everything that's wrong. It's everything that

we should be worrying about. So there's this

whole environment around us of complaining. The

thing about complaining, though, is it actually

rewires your brain. So every time you complain,

you're actually training your neural pathways.

You're training your brain. to complain, which

means the more you complain, the more you complain.

And the same is true if you hang around a complainer,

soon you'll be complaining more too. It's quite

contagious. It gets worse though, because complaining

actually shrinks your brain. That makes you dumber.

And there's research that shows that if you're

exposed to 30 minutes of complaining a day, or

if you yourself are complaining for 30 minutes

a day, it actually does physical damage to the

hippocampus part of your brain, deep inside your

brain. It can even physically shrink it. And

on top of that, of course, complaining... It

affects your health because when you complain

a lot, it releases cortisol into your bloodstream,

and that can increase, you know, heart disease

and weaken your immune system. And there's actually

really good evidence to suggest that people who

are optimists live longer than people who are

pessimists and constantly complaining. And what

do we complain about? Well, we complain about

the weather. You know, it's too hot, it's too

cold. We complain about other drivers. Everybody's

a bad driver except us. We complain about waiting,

whether it's in line, whether it's on hold. whether

it's at the traffic light. We complain about

all the aches and pains in our lives. Oh, my

trichine, or oh, my bunions are acting up today,

whatever. Or we always complain about the generations,

right? Oh, kids these days, these kids, when

will they learn? Complain about the cost of things,

gas, rent, groceries, everything. And we love

to complain about customer service. Oh, where

is my food? We ordered... 20 minutes ago and

the appetizers aren't even here yet. So that's

what the kind of research and science tells us

about complaining. But what does the Bible tell

us about complaining? Well, Philippians 2, which

Beulah just read for us, we read, do everything

without grumbling or arguing so that you may

be blameless and pure, children of God without

fault in a warped and crooked generation. Now,

the Greek word there for grumbling could also

be translated complaining. And it is an onomatopoetic

word, which means it's a word that actually sounds

like what it means. So in Greek, that word grumbling

is gungusmos. Gongusmos, gongusmos. So grouching,

gongusmos, grumbling, groaning, right? Griping,

gongusmos, right? Do you know a gongusmos person?

Do you know a complainer? If you don't, let me

introduce you to some of the most famous complainers

out there. Let me introduce you. This first person

I want you to meet is Wilma the Winer. Wilma

the Winer. Now, her sister you may have met.

If you haven't met Wilma, her sister's name is

Negative Nelly. And actually, her best friend

is Karen. Wilma wakes up every single day whining,

and that's what whiners do. As the saying goes,

they don't rise and shine, they rise and whine.

And Wilma's famous phrase is, this sucks, right?

Everything sucks, right? If you're stuck in traffic,

this sucks. If your food takes too long, this

sucks. If the Wi -Fi goes down, this sucks. This

sucks. Everything sucks. I think Wilma would

have fit. right in with the people of Israel

as they wandered through the wilderness. Because

right after God liberates them from slavery,

right after they go through the Red Sea, as they're

on their way to the promised land, man, oh man,

do they whine. Oh, if only we had died by the

Lord's hand in Egypt. Well, there we had lamb

stew and we ate all the food we wanted. But here

the food sucks. Here the weather sucks. Here

this manna, it sucks. right Moses our leader

even he sucks right so so whining always focuses

on the negative and forgets all the good things

around you so I wonder have you ever met Wilma

the whiner Wilma the whiner. But if you haven't

met Wilma the whiner, then let me introduce you

to the second type of complainant, Martin the

martyr. Martin the martyr. Now, Martin's favorite

phrase is, oh, no one appreciates me. right he

feels like he's carrying everything he's doing

everything he's sacrificing everything and he

wants you and he wants everyone to know how much

he's giving and martin loves to throw pity parties

oh i'll just do it myself or i always do it myself

i guess i'm the only one around here who cares

Now, I think Martin is actually distantly related

to Moses himself. Moses would say stuff like,

oh, the burden's too heavy for me. If this is

how you're going to treat me, God, please just

go ahead and kill me. Now, Moses was under a

lot of pressure, granted, but there's a fine

line here between, you know, just having a little

bit of an honest struggle and moving into self

-pity. And that's what Martin does. He moves

from, oh, this is hard, to, oh, woe is me. Nobody

has it as hard as me. Now, if you don't know

Martin the Martyr, you'll certainly know Cynthia

the Cynic. And Cynthia, her sister, by the way,

Debbie Downer. Do you guys know Debbie Downer?

Cynthia's favorite phrase is, nothing's ever

going to change. Nothing will ever change. What's

the point? Why even try? Cynthia isn't as loud

as Wilma and maybe not as emotional as Martin.

She's just defeated. Oh, forget about it, right?

Nothing's... ever going to change? Who even cares?

Why even bother, right? Solomon is a classic

example of a cynic. Oh, everything is meaningless.

Generations come and generations go, but it's

always the same story forever and ever. What

has been will be again. Kids these days, right?

So have you met Cynthia? Or are you a little

bit of a Cynthia? Like, do you have a relationship

that just never seems to be working? You're like,

what's the point? Or you turn on the news and

you see one problem after another and you're

just like, you know, nothing's ever going to

change in the world. Finally, the fourth person

I want to introduce you to is Pete the Perfectionist.

And Pete's favorite phrase is, this isn't good

enough. This isn't good enough. Hey, you missed

a spot over here, right? Now Pete's different

from the other three. His biggest complaint.

is that nothing meets his very high standards,

right? Nothing is ever quite good enough. The

house is not good enough. The job is not good

enough. The church service is not good enough.

The sermon is not good enough. I'm working on

it, Pete. Give me a break. I'm trying. But Pete,

he shows up in readings like, you know, Proverbs

27. A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip.

Drip of a leaky faucet. You can't turn it off

and you can't get away from it. Drip, drip, constant

criticism. Drip, constant fault finding. Drip,

nothing is ever good enough. It's just draining.

And it makes your relationships with people so

much worse. So there you got it. There's Pete

the perfectionist. So who did we meet? We met

Wilma the whiner, Martin the martyr, Cynthia

the cynic. Pete the Perfectionist, by the way,

if your name is Wilma, Martin, Cynthia, or Pete,

my apologies to you this morning. These four

have very different personalities, but they all

have the same problem. They're complainers. And

if we're honest, we don't just know them, but

sometimes we are them. And so the question is,

How do we conquer complaining? How do we clean

up this mess in our hearts? Well, thankfully,

the Bible does not just show us the problem.

It also gives us a cleanup plan. So I want to

just look at five, I think, simple but also very

powerful things that we can do to deal with complaining.

Just think of this as your spring cleaning checklist.

And step one on that checklist is the simplest

of all of them. And that is to admit that this

is a problem for you. Not to admit that it's

a problem for your spouse. Not to admit that

it's a problem for your kids or your coworkers,

but for you. You see, complaining is one of those

things that is so easy to see in other people,

but so hard to see in ourself. You know, you

hear Wilma or you hear Cynthia and you say, oh

yeah, that's her. That's her. I know her. Or

you hear Martin and you hear Pete and you're

like, oh yeah, I've met someone like that. But

then we skip right over top of ourselves. Paul

says, you got to work out your salvation. with

fear and trembling. For it is God who is working

in you, right? He says, don't, he's not saying

fix the people around you. He is saying. Work

it out in you. You work it out. You do everything

without grumbling. It doesn't start out there

with someone else. It actually starts in here

with ourselves. Proverbs again, 28 says, whoever

conceals their sins does not prosper, but the

one who confesses and renounces them, they find

hope. They find mercy. So you can't fix what

you don't face. And to clean up complaining,

we have to come clean about complaining. So like

we prayed, God, search us. God, where is complaining

showing up in my life? And maybe I don't even

call it complaining. Maybe I... I just say, oh,

can I vent to you for a little bit? We love to

vent, but it's not complaining. Or maybe it shows

up like in your life group during the prayer

request time. And you're like, oh, can we just

pray for my husband? He's been such a pain in

the butt lately, right? We say, oh, it's a prayer

request. No, it's just a way that we're complaining

in a spiritual way. So wherever it is hiding,

God, we just pray that you would dig it out because

that first part of the cleanup plan has just

gone. to be admitting that we have this problem.

Okay, the second part is kind of connected, but

it is not just to admit the problem, but it's

to accept responsibility for our own life and

our own decisions. Complaining is very closely

related to blaming. We blame others. We blame

circumstances. We even blame God. Complaining

is a way of us saying, this isn't my fault. I

didn't do anything. This isn't my fault. This

is all somebody else. But the Bible pushes back

on that. Again, Proverbs says that a person's

own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart

goes. and rages against the Lord. In other words,

we make a mess in our lives, and then we go and

we complain to God about it. I want to give you

an example of how this worked out in my own life

this past week. Last week, after a long day of

work, it was the last thing we were going to

do before the end of the night. Sally and I decided

to take our dog, Holly, for a walk, which is

normal. And so, you know, it was 10 .30, 11 o

'clock at night. We're walking around the block,

and we always take her to this one spot where

we take her off the leash. and she can run around

a little bit. Now, we took her off the leash,

and Sally was the first one to spot it. There

was a skunk running around. And Sally said, Rob,

you better put the dog back on the leash. And

I said, oh, Sally, come on, don't overreact.

She's a good dog. She's a good dog. She'll come

if we need her to. And besides, I think I saw

the skunk run to the fence. I think he's gone

anyways. And then again, she's like, I think

you should put the dog on the leash. And I said,

just relax. Everything will be just fine. It's

late. We're going to go home. Well, about 15

seconds later, Holly darted for the skunk that

appeared, and she got blasted point blank. It

was horrible. Yesterday, I was talking to our

neighbors, the Bemons, who live three blocks

away, and they were like, that was you? It was

horrible. It was a horrible, horrible smell.

And so I went home that night, and for the last

three days or more, we have been washing and

rewashing and chemicaling our dog. And man, oh

man, when I was doing that, I complained so,

so much. Oh, we never should have got a dog.

I hate this dog. This dog is worth more trouble

than it is worth. This dog should be ashamed

of itself, right? The truth is, it wasn't the

dog's fault. It was my fault. It was my folly

that led to her ruin and the ruin of the whole

Streetsville neighborhood, right? I had to accept

responsibility in the end. And sometimes that's

the thing. The things that we complain about

the most are connected to choices that we made,

right? We complain, oh, I'm always so exhausted.

But we stay up like super late. Or we complain,

oh, I hate being in debt. But we refuse to kind

of put in a spending plan that would actually

get us out of debt. The Bible has a phrase for

this, by the way. It's, you reap what you sow.

Yes, you are free. You're free to choose your

own actions, but those actions have consequences.

In one of Rick Warren's books, he says there's

three kinds of people. He says there are accusers.

excusers and choosers. Accusers say, it's your

fault. Excusers say, it's not my fault. And choosers

say, I choose to take responsibility. So again,

let's pray. God, search me. Where have I been

blaming and complaining instead of owning things

and taking some responsibility? Step three. in

the cleanup plan. Sounds a bit like last week,

but it's a recurring theme. And that is the way

we get rid of complaining is developing an attitude

of gratitude. Everybody's heard that phrase,

but it is so true. Paul says, he says, give thanks

in some circumstances. No, he doesn't. He says,

give thanks in good circumstances. No, it doesn't

say that either. He says, give thanks. In all

circumstances, for this is God's will for you

in Christ Jesus. Now notice, Paul doesn't say

give thanks for all your circumstances. He says

give thanks in all circumstances. When Paul wrote

this, he was sitting in jail, right? God is not

asking us to pretend that everything is good.

He's asking us to trust God and to trust that

God is good. So you can always look at your life

and say, here's what's wrong with my life. Or

you can look at your life and say, look what

God has given me. You can say on the one, oh,

that dog stinks. I hate that dog. Or you can

say, oh, but she's so cute. You know, Joni Mitchell,

you remember that song? Don't it always seem

to go. That you don't know what you've got till

it's gone. So let me ask you, what in your life

right now have you like stopped being thankful

for? And that what would it take for you to start

thanking God for it again? That is actually part

of the cleanup plan. Step four of cleaning up

this complaining is to look. for God's hand in

all of our circumstances. You know, indeed, there

are some things in life that are really hard.

There are some things in life that are really

confusing and painful. And this isn't about pretending

to be fine when you're going through tough times.

It's totally fine for us in those moments to

ask God, God, why is this happening to us? That

is actually not a complaint. That is an honest

question. That is even a lament. But at the same

time, there is another question we could be asking

God in those difficult moments. And that question

is, God, where are you in this? James writes

this. I put the whole thing up there because

it says it all. Dear brothers and sisters, when

troubles of any kind come your way, Consider

it an opportunity for great joy. For you know

that when your faith is tested, your endurance

has a chance to grow. So let it grow. For when

your endurance is fully developed, you will be

perfect and complete, needing nothing. And James

here, he's not minimizing pain. He's just reframing

it. And he's just saying, there's more maybe

going on in your pain than first appears. When

I complain about my circumstances, I'm kind of

saying, God, you don't know what you're doing.

God, you're making a mistake here. I don't think

you care about me. But sometimes the thing we

complain about the most is the very thing that

God wants to use most in our lives. That problem

you're facing, that delay that you've been waiting

for, that relationship that is a constant struggle.

You wish that situation would just go away. But

maybe God's saying, hey, I can use this. I'm

going to use this. Again, I'm not pretending

this is easy. But instead of just complaining,

saying, God, why me? We could also say, God,

what are you doing in me? God, where are you

shaping me? God, how are you forming me through

this? And that brings us to step five of the

cleanup plan. And that is simply to start practicing

speaking positively. As we've already seen, complaining

is a habit that rewires your brain. But those

neural... connections that are made through complaining

can be undone healed and reconnected when we

change the way that we speak when we start thinking

more positively and using uplifting speech habits

don't just go away we often have to replace bad

habits with good habits the bible speaks over

and over again about how important it is to just

watch what it is that is coming out of our mouths

don't let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths

but only what is helpful for building others

up according to their needs. In other words,

don't just try to cut out complaining, but replace

those words with words that build people up and

do that in your home or do it in your workplace

or do it with your friendship group or do it

in your classroom. You can always walk into a

room and bring criticism or you can walk into

that room and bring encouragement instead. You

can tear people down or you can build people

up. One way drains people, but the other way

fills people up. So I want to challenge you to

something this week, and that is to see how long

you can go in any one stretch without complaining.

Use a stopwatch or something. I don't know. As

soon as you feel yourself starting to complain,

oh, this isn't good enough, or Debbie Downer,

or whatever, catch yourself, and instead, Switch

it. Say, you know, well, thank you, God, for

what you've done here. Because part of the cleanup

plan is to just pay better attention to our words.

Admit it's a problem. Accept responsibility.

Develop an attitude of gratitude. Look for God's

hand in it and practice speaking positively.

Paul says, do everything without complaining.

Man, Paul, that is a really, really... Big ask.

It's a tall order. But he actually gives us the

reason why this is so important. This is kind

of where we need to end. He says, this is important

so that you may become. blameless and pure, children

of God without fault in a warped and crooked

generation, which is true. We do live in a generation

that is very, very negative. You turn on the

news, scroll your social media, listen to conversations.

It's complaint after complaint after complaint

after complaint. But if we can conquer complaining,

and we can show people some kind of different

attitude or a different way of life, then yes,

guess what? We do shine like stars in the sky.

Just like the stars in the sky are these dots

of light that stand out against the black background,

right? We can stand out in a dark and dreary

world as a genuinely positive person. A complaining

Christian. I think it's very difficult for a

complaining Christian to lead someone to Jesus.

But a person who speaks life, a person who trusts

God, a person who carries gratitude even in the

hard times, that kind of life makes people say,

wow, there is something different about that

person. I want to figure out why they have a

completely different attitude. And as we do that,

those people may even begin to see Jesus in us.

And if you think about it, if anyone, had the

right to complain. It would have been Jesus.

He was betrayed by his friends, falsely accused.

He was beaten, mocked, nailed to the cross. He

was oppressed and afflicted. But look, he never

said a word. As a sheep before his shearers is

silent, so he, what? He did not open his mouth.

Jesus didn't lash out. Jesus didn't complain.

Jesus didn't accuse. He didn't gunguse moss.

Instead, he speaks words of life. Father, forgive

them. And you know, as Christians, the same spirit

of Jesus lives in us, enabling us to live like

him. So, yeah, Wilma the whiner, Martin the martyr,

Cynthia the cynic, Pete the perfectionist. We

don't just know these people. We are these people.

Sometimes we rise and whine, right? Sometimes

we throw pity parties, and sometimes we just

expect everything to be better than it is. But

if we admit it, if we own it, if we choose differently,

we can rewire our lives. What would happen in

your home if you replaced complaining with encouragement?

What would happen in your workplace if you replace

negativity with positivity? And what would happen

in this church if we replaced grumbling with

gratitude? I'll tell you what would happen. We

would shine like stars in the sky. So thanks

be to God. Amen. Thanks for tuning in to this

week's episode of Trinity Sermons. This sermon

was recorded at Trinity Church Streetsville in

Mississauga, Ontario on April 19th, 2026.