Being A Mom Without Losing Yourself | Trinity Talks Podcast

Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode

of Trinity Talks. My name is Kyla, and I am joined

here by a couple of moms and one of their kids,

and we're going to just chat all about Mother's

Day and about what is so cool about moms and

being a mom together. So thank you so much for

joining me, folks. Maybe I'll just get you to

start by doing some introductions. So maybe we

can start over here. Do you want to introduce

yourself? Say a little bit about you and your

family? Sure. My name is Farida Sadat. My name

is Farida. This is Avila. We're a family of four.

I'm going to a party. You're going to go to a

party later. Very cool. I have two kids. Yep.

Evie Love and John Rumi. Two and four. Okay.

And I'm also an entrepreneur. Okay. Yeah. We've

been going to Trinity since when I was seven

months pregnant. So since 2021 we started here.

I was the first baby. You were the first baby.

That's so cool. Okay, yeah, maybe we'll go over

here. I'm going to the park now. Okay, cool.

So maybe we're going to go over here now and

we'll listen as Trish introduces herself. Okay,

bye -bye. I'm Trish and we're also a family of

four. No. I'm a pro musician. I play keys, synth,

and piano here. Okay. Trini and my husband, Drew,

he's on the parking team. And our oldest daughter,

Jazzy, she's going to be 13 in August, and she's

in junior youth. And our youngest daughter, it's

our late daughter, Tione, and she would have

been nine. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. And we've been

here one year today. It's the anniversary. Okay.

Yes. Congratulations. We're so glad you're with

us. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe. Just want to start

a little bit talking about, you know, what it's

like being a mom and what is something that maybe

was unexpected for you in motherhood? Something

that you were like, I wasn't prepared for that

or like I didn't expect that thing. No, no, no.

Being a mom is the hardest job in the world,

bar none. I never, ever expected it to be this

hard. And, you know, I'm a career woman. And

out of everything that I've done, I would say

being a mom is the hardest. I think if I were

to just focus on being a mom, it would probably

be much easier. But because my life is not just

about being a mom, it's also about, you know,

having my own business and making sure that I'm,

you know, I still have that identity of my own

as well. It's definitely, it's... it's, it's,

it's a challenge for sure. Uh, doing all of that.

Um, and it's definitely, um, I'm trying to do

it all, but it's, it's a challenge for sure,

but it's a very rewarding being a mom. Absolutely.

Like it's a beautiful challenge. It's one of

those things that it's kind of hard to put into

words, right? Cause it's like, you know, there's

the beautiful moments and then there's really

challenging hard moments as well. But, yeah.

But I feel like my life is richer with my kids.

Oh, okay. Okay. Evie Love, what do you think

is the best thing about your mom? Cooking. Cooking,

yeah. You like to cook things together? Yeah.

Do you have a favorite thing that your mom cooks?

Yes, soup. Soup? Okay. Soup is very good. I like

soup, too. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, as you were

saying, like all of those bits to sort of, yeah,

juggle and tackle and being a mom, but also being

yourself and being someone in business. It's

a lot of pieces for sure. Yes. Yeah. What about

for you? What was sort of unexpected about motherhood?

The first round, I'd have to say I was diagnosed

with a rare pregnancy related disease. Okay.

And then having to like navigate that and all

those different things that come with that. Yeah.

And the second round. um, being bereaved. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. Going through that. I mean, breathe

mom, which is, it's a, it's a lot different than

just, uh, for sure. Yeah. It's just, there's

a lot of different challenges and unexpected

things. So that's definitely unexpected. Cause

you obviously don't plan for that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You have a picture of like what this journey

is supposed to be like. And so you just, it just

automatically shifts to the left and yeah, you

have to be really good at pivoting and you're

always learning. So like every day, just like,

any type of mom but it's just another level that

you have to yeah yeah yeah yeah work through

yeah for sure for sure yeah and like carrying

all of that with you and yeah yeah it's I think

it's safe to say that like motherhood changes

you permanently right right whatever that situation

is for you that yeah yeah you are not the same

person that you were yeah yeah for sure Um, what

about like things that you've sort of learned

along the way? Is there like one thing that you're

like, ah, this is like, you know, my biggest

mom learning or like my, my thing that you've

been like, ah, that's yeah. A piece. Um, prioritization

for sure. My life is different now with kids

than when I didn't have kids. Right. Um, I only

have so much room. for, um, things in my life.

So, you know, the life that I used to lead is

very different and my circle of friends are very

different. Sure. So, um, you know, a lot of changes

on, on that front and prioritization. So a lot

of stuff that we talked about today, actually,

uh, during the sermon is very, um, relevant to,

um, my experience as a mom and. prioritizing

the things. My kids have to come first. Sure.

before anything else. But same with, you know,

my career right now is because I started entrepreneurship

at the same time as being that, like, I, I think

I started two of the biggest challenges in life

at the same time. So yeah, there's not much room

in my life for a lot of things that I used to

do in the past, like planning things with my

friends and like all these exciting trips. Like,

yeah. I don't have any time for that. Sure. And

actually, it's kind of cool because now my friends

have kind of stepped up and they're planning,

which is kind of nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It gives you it's a whole new season where you

learn these whole new skills. But yeah, then

your relationships shift, obviously. Yeah. Right.

I know. Maybe. Yeah. We'll see. I know my money.

Yeah. Yeah, your mommy, she's pretty cool. She's

got lots of stuff going on. I know. Yeah, you

know, those kids. Yeah, what about you, Trish?

On the back of that, yeah, I think it's the prioritizing,

the pivoting, all that. Being a musician, I actually

am a recording artist. I actually was doing it.

I just kept... working through it even though

I was sick and stuff so that was a whole like

oh most people ah you know take a break but that's

just not how I'm wired so I just and it was like

okay so how do I do this while doing that and

it's still that's just like that's like what

Jazzy knows though she's like oh I have a musician

mom like that's just what it is so right she's

been to rehearsal she's been to the studio right

little kid I'm just sitting there yeah that sounds

good she's she's actually been able to critique

other musicians they're like oh so what do you

think of that And she doesn't hold back. She

knows. Yeah. I said about that. Yeah. Right?

You'd know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got some

confidence over here. Kids are actually the best

because if you really want to know if you're

good, if you're not so great. Yeah. So what do

you think? You think, oh, because I'm her mom.

Like she had a, she was younger. She, oh, I have

a little band. Yeah. I'm like, okay, I'm going

to audition. And she's like, you didn't make

it. I actually. I did not shoot. I didn't make

it all these other people. Yeah. Yeah. You're

great. She's like, no, I think the note was you

today. You just didn't have it. So. No, she's

moving in a different direction. Okay. There

you go. That was like right there. Yeah. Yeah.

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's so fun. I think

like, yeah. Getting to like see your kids at

these different sort of ages and stages and yeah.

Like watching them grow up and yeah. Then suddenly

they're too cool for you. Like, yeah. Like, what

was that? Thankfully, you're not quite there

yet. I don't know. Are your kids too cool for

you sometimes? Oh, I mean, we're not going through

that yet, but I can definitely see that happening.

That's definitely going to be my future for sure.

I mean, they already think that they know more

than me. Like, trying to read a book to my kids

sometimes, she's good. But, like, my son, John

Rumi, he wants to read to me. Right. Yeah. He's

two. Right. I'm four. You're four. I don't know

what kind of future I have out of me. Right.

Yes. Yes. Abby Love's already running the show.

Already is. Yeah. Right. So in all of these things,

what would you say is the best part of being

a mom? What's your favorite? You're like, ah,

this is why it's worth it. I feel like the biggest

thing is just being blessed and getting the opportunity

or chosen to raise like mini -me's. And that's

so cool to see, like, especially like, okay,

daughters and they're growing up and it's like,

she'll do stuff and people are like, oh yeah,

you look alike and this. And then there's the

personalities coming in and she has musical talents

too. Right. So she's currently in jazz band and

concert band. And so it's really cool to see

that she wanted to do that. And so there's, I'm

like, oh, look at that. And it's so cool that

she's appreciating it and respecting it. I didn't

push for that, but she's sure. It's really cool

to see that. Like you're raising raising them

up and it's like, oh, wow. Like, OK. Yeah. Yeah.

And do you feel like like at this point, I'm

sure, you know, in 13 years, there's been an

evolution of that relationship. Right. So like,

do you feel like at this point? it's like you're

able to like connect on a different level in

that way like because you have these different

with her even as a baby yeah you know how most

times like the sound is too much and we always

put like the headphones on yeah the sound she

we used to try that yeah off and she just so

big concerts and she's just vibing and she's

always been like that like have her in the studio

as a baby and yeah like oh you know like Keys

is my main. So, okay. But I have other instruments.

No. So like the guitar, like the drums, we'll

just, you know? Yeah. And so I think we've always

had that. So we've been blessed that way. I've

always had that connection with her. And I think

it's just, it's growing. Yes. And so there's

more appreciation. She's getting older. So she's,

I think, understanding and appreciating more

of what I do. Sure. And like what goes into it.

And then like, oh, you do all of this. And then

you also do all of this for me. And I think that's

more what's happening. Yeah. So she's like, oh,

okay. I'm learning this instrument and I'm just

learning it. And then, you know, And then you're

doing that and you're helping me and you're doing

this. So it's nice to know that it's like, oh,

see, like, yeah, I can do all that. And we juggle,

right? It's back to the ties in juggling. But

when they understand it, like when you have young

ones at first, it's like, okay, yeah, mom, just

do this. So you're, you have your business, you

have what's going on. They're like, whatever.

But as they grow, they're going to be like, mom,

thank you. You were here. You did this. They'll

see it. And then you'll get the cards and the

picture. She's an artist too. So she draws a

lot for me. And so it's, it's nice. And it's

like, oh, you're. respecting that and oh you

appreciate it because we know they do but like

when you actually get to a point where they just

come and say it to you sure like oh okay yeah

those like those like it's like those rewards

those moments where they're like I'm so appreciative

yeah yeah yeah absolutely and that's definitely

my future right now with you know the two and

four stage that I'm going through I think the

best thing is them meeting you sure much like

i mean it's the it has it's the best and the

worst sure yes yep you know the best of it is

like when they come home they're like mommy mommy

mommy and they just you know when i want to see

you and you're like you know the first and last

thing no and you're everything yeah um but then

there's also times where it's like enough mommy

mommy mommy right yeah it's like yeah it's good

and it's yeah yeah because it's like overwhelming

like love and affection and all of those things

and sometimes you definitely need a break right

yes both things can be true yeah yeah yeah absolutely

yeah yeah yeah for sure um what about like the

hard parts of being a mom are there pieces that

you're like wow this was like really challenging

and like maybe didn't expect that or just like

continue to walk through that i think um One

thing for me, I mean, as they're growing and

you know they have to find their own way. So

they're going through stuff and you know that

there's going to be times where they're hurting.

And yet you have to let them experience it. You

can't jump in. You can't stop it. You can't fix

it. They have to do it. And you know what's coming.

And yet, so it's like it hurts because you're

a mom. You want to jump in. You want to help.

But you know that they have to do it. They have

to go through it. They have to experience it.

So probably that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. For sure.

For sure. What the future is going to be like

for them, especially in this day and age where

there's so much chaos and with what's going on

with technology and all of those things I worry

about when I think about my kids. But also right

now, the hardest thing is, you know, we're not

trained. as adults, how to speak to kids and

have them listen to you. Yep. Right. Um, and

no matter how many books you read or whatever,

it's going to play out differently, uh, in real

life. So some of my, some of the hardest things

is just very simple, rudimentary things like

getting them up in the morning, getting them

to do the things that they're supposed to do,

getting them to listen to you, behave all of

that. Like, you know, um, uh, discipline you

know those are very hard and sure um i i consider

myself more strict than Anthony. Um, I think

he's, he has more leeway and also like then also

being aligned with your partner on those things.

Right. And in terms of like how much TV they

get and all of those things, um, are, are definitely

the hardest bits and also your relationship,

how your relationship plays out in the midst

of raising your kids. Right. And what that's

looking like. And are you, are you making your

relationship priority? um yeah all of those things

yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure it's not that close

sorry not that close not that close okay yeah

yeah yeah yeah but yeah i think like because

you like get you have kids but they don't come

with an instruction manual right it's not like

a oh yeah and like this is how you talk to them

this is how you should raise them these are the

choices you should make You like figure it all

out as you do it. Even if there was an instruction

manual, it wouldn't work because every kid is

different. Sure. Right. Anyway. Yeah. You're

creating it. You're creating the manual. Yeah.

As you go. As you go. It's personalized. Yeah.

For every kid. For sure. Like my experience with

my son, John Remy, is very different than with

Evie Love. Sure. You know, he's more obedient.

She's not so much. She's kind of like in her

own. She's got her personality. She's kind of

does her own thing. Which, I mean, it's not surprising

considering who I am and who our dad is. Sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think like that

goes back to like the mini me thing that you

were talking about is like they take on those

traits that you love, but then they also take

on the traits that you're like, I am like that

and I wish my child was not. Sometimes when she

speaks, I'm like, oh my God, I talk like that.

Is that how I sound? Is that who I am? Yeah.

It's definitely a mirror. Sure. I'm like, oh

my gosh. I am that. Because where is she getting

it from? Right. Yes. Not me. The other one. The

other one. Yeah. Obviously. Right? Yeah. Over

there. Of course. All the good things. And then

you kind of like sit there with that thought

and you're like, okay, I need to reevaluate.

Sure. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. So in

thinking about then this idea of like, you know,

there is no instruction manual. Um, but like,

what would be one piece of advice or like one

thing that you might sort of say as encouragement

to like other moms? Um, yeah. What you're doing

an amazing job. Okay. I would say you are, you

know, a gift to your kids. And just be your authentic

self. Be that. And I think the best thing that

we can do for our kids is just be there for them.

Sure. And support them and love them. Yeah. That's

the best thing I can say to them. And self -care.

Oh, my God. You've got to take care of yourself.

You've got to put yourself first, even though

it's very difficult. I know there's a lot of

self -sacrificial moms who just give, give, give,

and then you're running on empty. And then, you

know, what do you got left? So self -care is

very important. For sure. I would say lean on

other moms and use them as resources. they we're

all going through it together it doesn't matter

what age and stage we can always learn you can

learn from some younger older sure it's yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah it's this whole yeah community

yeah and like you don't have to do it alone right

right that there are other moms there are other

people like even if they aren't biological moms

like can be there and be like no i want to like

help you support you in raising your kids and

that sort of a thing yeah yeah for sure So then

in that vein, if there's people who want to be

supportive and want to be caring for moms, what

would you say to them? What's the best way to

be supportive of people raising kids right now?

Yeah, go ahead. Where are we going? I guess I

would say ask them, see what they need, what

they want to actually be directing. What do you

need? Because I think a lot of times so many

moms are so good at what they do. Sure. And it

seems like, oh, they've got it all handled that

you don't even want to ask. You're just like,

okay, they're good. They got it. And a lot of

times I don't think we get asked a lot. It's

just like, hey, what can I help you with? Is

there anything you need? Sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Thank you for that. And then and then just take

it from there. Just like see where. Yeah, that

goes. Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. Keep it

simple. I mean, some of the supports that Trinity

has in place for moms is just incredible. I mean,

it's beyond my expectations. That was actually

one of my entrances in Trinity was through the

moms group. OK. And then. You know, it was a

little bit of a reprieve when I would sit with

the other moms and chitchat about God and life

and whatever. And at the same time, my kids were

being taken care of. Right. You know, by the

beautiful graces and the Janet's in the world.

May she rest in peace. You know, who who were

taking care of the kids. Sure. While I got some

reprieve. Yeah. You know. And so. thank you.

I would say thank you to those people who want

to support. I just say, thank you. Yeah. Thank

you. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

yeah. So maybe last question to sort of think

about this, like as a mom, are there any ways

that like that experience of becoming a mom of

raising kids has like influenced your faith or

your relationship with God in some way? Um, you

know, challenges things that you like understand

differently. Yeah, yeah. It's definitely, faith

has become more important since I've become a

mom. I try to bring my kids to church and have

them be part of the church, even though that's

not how I grew up. Their dad is a Christian.

I come from a Muslim background. That was my

faith growing up. But I didn't come from a very

religious household. And my religion, if you

want to get into it. Sure. I'm a universal deist.

Sure. Right. I believe in God first and foremost.

But I just love coming to this church and I find

God when I come to this church. That's what's

important to me. Sure. Right. Yeah. And so, yeah,

I want faith in God to be in my kids' lives.

And I think I've made it more of a point to do

that now that I'm a mom. For sure. Yeah. Evie

Love. Evie Love. What? do you like to do with

your mom? Do you have a favorite thing you like

to do with your mom? Play with blocks. Yeah.

What do you do with the blocks? I make houses.

You make houses. That sounds so cool. She loves

magnetic. Oh, the magnetic tile. Those are very

cool. Yeah. And I have, I have another kind of

blocks. Another kind of blocks too. Yeah. Yeah.

And you build things with your mom? And there's

another block. I have three blocks. You have

three kinds of blocks? That's so cool. It's fun.

Yeah. Yeah. You like spending time and playing

with your mom? Yes. Yeah? I think your mom's

pretty cool. Do you think she's pretty cool,

too? Yes. Yes? Okay. That's awesome. I'm sure.

Yeah? Yeah? Do you like coming to church with

mom? Yes. Yeah? What do you like to do at church?

Play. You like to play at church? Yeah. I think

there's probably some blocks here, too. Yeah.

I don't know. You don't know? There's lots of

things. There's lots of great things here. Thank

you. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, what about for you?

How has, like, faith and motherhood sort of interacted?

Well, faith has always been strong for me. Since

becoming a mom, obviously, with the situations

I was in, I've had to lean more heavily. It's

got me through and I just, I leaned on it more

and more and I just trusted that God had us and

he had a good plan for us, even though like whatever

the future held, we would still be blessed and

we'd make it through. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

for sure. It's just, yeah, it just continues

to grow. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. Yeah. I

think that, yeah. In, in both of those stories,

there's this sense of like, yeah, that God has

become this place where you can like, Yeah, see

yourself a little bit more and to like trust

God with your family, right? And with whatever's

happening. You have a keychain. That is so cool.

Who's on your keychain? Who's on your keychain?

Rumi. Rumi. From the? Keep up the good work.

Oh! Oh, very cool. This is a whole thing, the

K -pop Demon Hunters. I've heard lots about them.

Huge. Massive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Well,

thank you so much, folks, for joining me for

this conversation. Yeah, just giving us a little

bit of an insight about what it's like being

a mom now and all of the joys and the hardships

and the walking through that together. And thank

you for tuning into this week's episode of Trinity

Talks. Whether you are a mom or whether there's

kids in your life or not, I hope that you are

able to find some family, some sense of community

where you can also continue journeying alongside

God with all of the people that God has placed

around you. And we'll see you again next week.