How Do I Find My Voice as a Woman? | Sharon Dirckx | Find Your Voice 2025

I want to also welcome people who are listening

online to this talk. You're very welcome. I hope

you've had a good session in your groups as well

online. And I want to begin by thinking about

Emily Scarrett. I don't know if any of you here

are into women's rugby. Any rugby fans here?

Yay, at the back there. Fantastic. Well, I was

listening to Emily Scarrett be interviewed. She

was the first England rugby player to play at

five World Cups, and she announced her retirement

just a couple of days after the women won the

World Cup in September. And she was interviewed

on the Today programme, sharing some of her story.

I searched high and low to try and get the recording

back, but it had gone off iPlayer. Anyway, she

was saying that for many years she felt like

she didn't fit in as a woman. She was playing

rugby mostly with guys until about the age of

14 when actually you have to move to playing

with women, of which there weren't many when

she started out in the early 2000s. But actually

discovering women's rugby for her felt a bit

like coming home. like she could be herself.

Because, you know, growing up felt a pressure

to look a certain way, to be a certain way, to

sound a certain way, and to feel like you don't

quite fit the mould. But to find women's rugby

was like coming home. There was no need to be

ashamed about who she was and who she'd been

made to be. There was a freedom to be herself.

And she got emotional about this on Radio 4 Today

programme. not a place where you normally expect

a lot of emotion. And in fact, it was by being

herself that she became the fantastic rugby player

that she was. Now, we are here as women to find

our own voice as speakers. And it sometimes can

feel like we need to fit a certain mold. Sometimes

we can easily, and I think women are particularly

susceptible to comparison. You know, it's hard

enough to get going as a woman speaker and then

you get going and then there's all the comparison.

Maybe I need to sound a certain way or include

a particular kind of content or speak with a

particular personality or style or be like X

or Y person over here. Well, you know, the people

that will hear you speak this Christmas time

and hopefully beyond, hopefully this is just

the beginning. They don't need a duplicate voice

of somebody else. They need your voice. They

need to hear your voice. Because as Oscar Wilde

put it, be yourself. Everyone else is already

taken. You know, I was told very early on as

I set out in speaking, spent a year at Wycliffe

Hall, I was told that the way that we will be

most effective in ministry is not by trying to

be like someone else, not by trying to be who

you feel you should be or who you'd quite like

to be, but actually the way you will be most

effective in ministry is by being yourself, by

being... The person that God has made you to

be, the person that God is continuing to shape

you to be. You have a particular voice shaped

by your particular background, your particular

story, your personality, the things you are passionate

about, your journey to faith in Jesus, your professional

training and skills. And the blend of all of

those things is utterly unique to you. And that

will form the voice that you have. And so the

question is, how do I find my own voice? Now,

I'm not as tech savvy as Christy, but I'm going

to have a go at a little bit of interaction here.

What are some of the barriers that we face to

finding our own voice? Now, I'm a little bit

more constrained in the options. But if you scan

that QR code, you will find some options on barriers

that we face in finding our own voice. Not enough

time to prepare. Lack of confidence. Am I good

enough? Am I qualified? Unqualified. Uncertainty.

Should I be doing this? Should I have been given

a voice? Not enough opportunities. Persevering

takes too much emotional energy or lack of role

models. Now, there will be other options, but

that perhaps gives us something to think about.

I'll just wait for a few minutes. Seeing the

predominant one being lack of confidence. Am

I good enough? Am I qualified? And not enough

opportunities. Emotional energy, it's a real

barrier, absolutely. Lack of time and uncertainty,

whether we should be doing this or lower down.

Lack of role models, lower, which is encouraging.

that there are growing numbers of role models.

And the more that this ministry develops, there'll

be more and more role models as well. Great.

Thank you so much for responding to that. There

are barriers that we face. And it was great to

hear Chrissie address many of those earlier in

terms of knowing whether or not our talk is good

enough. I want to begin by framing some of the

things I want to say in the words of Jesus. And

I was reminded of the way that he called the

first disciples from Matthew chapter 4, verses

Matthew 4:18–20

18 to 20. As Jesus was walking beside the Sea

of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called

Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting

a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.

Come, follow me. Jesus said, and I will send

you out to fish for people. At once they left

their nets and followed him. Here we have this

extraordinary scene where we're reminded that

the God who has come to save the whole human

race here is focused on two individuals, Simon

and Andrew. And I want to look at these words,

come follow me and I will send you out to fish

for people, in reverse. Firstly, I will send

you out. The way to be effective in the kingdom

of God is to be yourself. I will send you out

to fish for people, not someone else, not this

other person down the road, but you. I'm sending

you. And I'm sending you as you, not you, you

know, in some future form. But now I am sending

you. But of course, we know that we're all still

works in progress as well. And so the way to

increasingly become yourself, the way to increasingly

become you is to follow Jesus. Come follow me

and I will. So at the centre of finding our voice

is wholehearted devotion to Jesus. How do we

find our voice? By proximity. to the one who

made us, the one who has shaped us to be who

we are today, and the one who continues to shape

us and transform us as well. We find our voice

in close proximity to Jesus, in spending time

with him, in listening to his words. The more

we are changed, the more we are sanctified, the

more we become who we're meant to be. It is sin

that gets in the way of us being ourselves. And

the more we become ourselves, the more we find

our voice. So what does it mean for you today

to be reminded of the call of Jesus to come follow

me? What does that mean for you today? In what

ways do you delight to follow Jesus? In what

ways do you struggle? Which parts of life do

you gladly and freely? Give to the Lord. And

which parts do you hold on to? So an integral

part of finding our voice is in closeness to

Jesus and in openness to the transforming work

that he wants to do in our lives. But let's think

more practically now. Voice can mean different

things. It can mean different. And so I've been

thinking particularly, I don't know, next slide,

James, if you, thank you. Voice can mean what

we say, it can mean who we say it to, and it

can mean how we say it. Your voice is a blend

of the content and the audience and the style

in which you present. So firstly, what we speak

about. Let's think about that for a few minutes.

Firstly, know what you want to say. In order

to find your voice, know your thoughts. Know

what is it that you want to say, what is it that

God has put on your heart to say. And for some

people, actually, they have a life message. Like

God's put something on their heart and that's

going to consume their whole life. That is the

message. That's what God's given you to say.

And you will say it in so many different contexts

of so many different kinds of people. And then

there's what God's given you for each individual

talk. You know, you're all feeling relieved to

have practiced your talks. And every talk is

a kind of, what is it that I want to say? What

is it that God wants me to say? And it's really

important to know what you want to say. And,

you know, one of the points I'll make later on

is that we learn far more from our mistakes than

from our successes. And one of the really formative

times for me was actually I learned to preach

at Wycliffe Hall in 2004. I gave my first talk

to people who weren't Christians. like Easter

of 2005. And the first talk went really well.

It was in the sort of preparation for going out

on this mission week that Michael Green was leading.

The first talk went really well and I was all

kind of buoyed up and happy and great. The second

talk that I gave a few months later was like

the worst talk that I've ever given in my life.

And I basically lost track. I lost my way during

this talk. And it was a fantastic talk. It was

one of those where I just wanted to crawl under

a rock and quietly die. Or the ground swallow

me up. Just forget about this even trying to

talk to people business. What I had to do was

go now and sleep on the floor of an undergrad

student in their student house so that we could

have lovely conversations about Jesus for the

next half a week. But actually that forced me

back out. Perhaps I would have retreated and

never returned if I hadn't had to do that. But

I needed to be clearer on what I wanted to say.

so that I didn't lose my way. So what is it that

you want to say? Secondly, try different things.

Know that there are different tools at your disposal.

We find our voice knowing that we've got different

tools that we can deploy and engage and become

really skilled at doing that. You know, there

are lots of different angles on the Christmas

story. The Christmas story could be told through

the lens of journey and migration about the God

who has left his home for our sake. It's a story

of relationality about God who called. comes

alongside us and calls us into relationship.

It could be done through the lens of surprises.

There's a lot of surprises in the Christmas story.

Or it could be through a scientific lens, you

know, the extreme unlikelihood of all the miracles.

There's no one way to tell the Christmas story.

It's beautiful and multifaceted. And so finding

our voice is knowing that we have a range of

tools in your toolkit. And discerning the right

ones to use on each occasion. Try different things.

There may even be a particular angle in the Christmas

story that you don't hear mentioned very much,

but that really resonate with you. And actually

maybe growing and developing these will be part

of you finding your voice. You know, people are

not telling it from this angle. Let me do that.

And I can't remember the theologian that said

this, but there are so many different ways to

share the gospel. The gospel is like a diamond

and you can shine light on it on so many different

ways. You know, the gospel is about justice.

The gospel is about victory over evil. It's about

love. It's about sacrifice instead of selfish

gain. It's about the defeat of curse and the

release of blessing. And finding our voice is

knowing the range of different ways we can shine

light on the gospel. And that gives us freedom

to think creatively and try different things.

So try different things. And then thirdly, God

may give you a, some of you, a particular voice

into a particular field. So your voice might

actually be very specific and very focused. It

might be related to your profession, your professional

training, your particular skills and background

that qualify you in a way that other people aren't

qualified actually. People here for whom, you

know, there are people you can reach that others

can't. And so we need your voice into that very

particular field. And it will also perhaps be

related to your story, your faith journey. You

know, whether you became a Christian as a child

or as an adult. or well into your professional

life, and also your life experiences, the things

that have happened to you both before becoming

a Christian and since. These all influence the

kind of voice that we might have. So, for example,

for me, some key things that have influenced

the kind of voice that I... have had is that,

well, I became a Christian as an adult, as a

student at university. And so I can remember

what it was like to not believe in God. And so

that has really formed and forged the kind of

voice that I have. I always speak, apart from

when I'm speaking to a room of Christian women,

always speak and write to unbelievers, write

as if there are people in the room who do not

know what they believe, because I can remember

what it was like to not believe. Also, I've had

a background in science and brain imaging, so

I speak quite a lot about mind and brain, sometimes

get wheeled out for the God and science talk

in university missions. Also, my husband has

had health struggles, which is partly what led

me to write my first book on suffering that came

out of a place of suffering and trying to make

sense of it. And so our life experiences, our

faith journey, our profession might influence

the particular voice that God is giving us. Secondly,

who we speak to. Who are the people that you

can most connect with? Some people. We'll have

a voice like that of the Apostle Paul, I've become

all things to all people so that by all possible

means I might save some. Some people have a wide

voice, a voice to a wide range of people. Other

people's voice might be to a very specific audience,

I guess connected to the particular skills and

life experiences that we talked about in the

last section. Your voice might be related to

the particular profession or life stage or journey

or something that you're passionate about. What

are you passionate about? Are there causes, are

there charities that you are passionate about?

There might be those that actually have a particular

voice to children or young people or mums at

the school gate. There might be those of you

that have a particular voice to PhD students

or teachers or people in research. There might

be those of you that have a particular voice

to people struggling and journeying with neurodiversity

because of the influence that's had on you. There

are any number of examples that we can give,

but who is it that we can most connect with?

Are there people that we are actually uniquely

honed? to connect with. That will influence the

kind of voice that we have. God may give us a

voice for certain audiences. And you know, one

of the reasons why it's really important that

ministries like this exist is because often women

are best placed to communicate and connect with

other women. You know, we know the struggles,

the challenges, the joys, the shared experiences

of being a woman in this world. And so we need

women to connect with women. I'm really fascinated

and I haven't looked into it. I don't know. I've

seen you hint about this on social media, but

in the Quiet Revival data, there's a lot of talk

about Gen Z men, especially being drawn to church.

But what about Gen Z women? Why are they not

as drawn to church as Gen Z men? And that's worth

looking into. And probably for sure we need more

Gen Z women speakers to reach Gen Z women. Let's

not feel the need to wait until we're older or

more mature. Wisdom actually is a part of the

kingdom of God and that transcends age. Don't

let anyone look down on you because you're young.

We need your voice. And thirdly, sorry, I should

have put this one up earlier. How we speak, our

communication style, and this differs between

people. Some people are natural storytellers.

Other people love argument and reason and evidence.

Some use a lot of humor. Thinking about someone

like J. John at the moment, you know, really

effective communication. And there are different

styles. Some people speak very quickly. Some

people speak more deliberately. Some people move

around and are very animated. Others may stay

still. Some like detailed notes. Others have

a framework and they have bullet points and they

let the precise words flow in the moment. My

personal recommendation would be to use slightly

more words earlier on. Yeah, sorry, that's this

slide. Slightly more notes earlier on and then

have a, you know, you can always shorten and

loosen them later on. But we're all different,

you know, there's no one way, there's no one

style. I thought it might be helpful to show

you even a slide of what I'm saying to you right

now and what I've got in front of me as I speak

to you. So I've got enough notes so that if my

menopausal mind goes blank, I still know what

to say, roughly, but not so much that I have

to read it out from the page to you. And I find

that to be helpful to me. You will need to find

what works for you. I have my PowerPoints highlighted

at the side so I know when to change it. So that's

what works for me. And you'll get a sense of

this is how long it takes me to speak through

one side of A4 as well. So style. What is your

style? What is your communication style? Don't

feel embarrassed about the style that you have,

even if it's different from other people. We

need that style because there's all kinds of

people out there in the world. And we need all

kinds of people to reach a varied world. But

as I close, things that are common to us all,

that we communicate our style ought to be with

gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience,

but also of courage and confidence and boldness

and actually self -belief, not an arrogance of,

you know, I've got it all sorted and it's all

in my own strength. I don't mean that by self

-belief. I actually mean... God has opened a

door for me here and he's given me something

to say. And I'm going to say it and I'm going

to say it with confidence, knowing that God has

opened the door and he has given me a voice.

For the spirit God gave us doesn't make us timid,

but gives us power, love and self -discipline.

Some questions to ponder then as we think about

the kind of voice God might be giving us. What

are the key aspects of your journey to faith?

What life experiences have you had that others

may connect with? What are you passionate about,

interested in? Who are the people you can most

connect with? Who are the communicators that

inspire you? And finally, pray lots, persevere.

As I said earlier, sadly, and it's so painful,

we learn far more from our mistakes than our

successes. Try different things. Ask for feedback.

Take as many opportunities as you can and keep

going because finding your voice is a process

and it takes time. As I close, why don't I pray?

Lord Jesus, I thank you for each woman here and

I thank you, Lord, that you have given them a

voice and I pray that you would... enable them

to continue to discern and to know the voice

you've given them and to speak that voice, speak

through the kind of voice that you are giving.

Thank you, Lord, that you love us, that you are

faithful, that you are with us. And please help

us. Please continue to change us more and more

into the likeness of Jesus Christ. And please

use us according to your will. In Jesus' name.

Amen.