How Do We Grow in Christlike Character? | 2 Samuel 18 | Sophie Bannister

It's a privilege to be back here with you and

to be feeding on God's word together. Shall we

pray as we begin? May the words of my mouth and

the thoughts of all our hearts be now and always

acceptable in your sight, O God, our rock and

our redeemer. Amen. This passage to Samuel 18

has formed part of a sermon series at our church

in Spalding, where I, as I said, serve my husband.

It's been a series seeking to learn from the

work of God through the life of David and his

family. And as I was considering what to bring

today, I believe this passage would be worth

mining again, particularly because of what it

has to teach us about character. If you, like

me, want to grow in Christ -like character as

a friend, neighbour, spouse, parent and or child,

as a servant of the church, I trust there will

be something here for you. As we heard, 2 Samuel

18 traces the tragic and rapid final unravelling

of the relationship between David and Absalom.

The question that I invite us to consider today

is, how can we grow in Christ -like character?

How can we make the kind of choices that will

shape us into people after God's heart? To help

us do that, we're going to first ask of our passage,

what is Absalom like? We're going to look then

at his relationship with his father, David, and

then we're going to examine how the relationship

between these two men can help to shine a light

into our own hearts and also point us to Jesus

Christ. So what is Absalom like? I'm going to

take a survey across earlier chapters of 2 Samuel,

starting from chapter 13, where we first meet

Absalom offering shelter to his sister. Tamar.

Tamar has just suffered at the hands of her half

-brother Amnon, who has raped her and then thrown

her out, abandoned her in that culture to a life

of shame and isolation. So Absalom appears to

be doing a kind thing here. Chapter 1320 says

that Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house,

a desolate woman. He takes her in. He provides

a home for her. But as you'll see, as we start

to journey a bit further with Absalom, you can't

help to start to wonder what exactly Absalom

was motivated by. Was it compassion for Tamar?

Or was she a useful catalyst for his own ambitions?

Or perhaps a strange mixture of both? When Absalom

takes Tamar into his house, his words sound very

strange to us. Be quiet for now, sister. He is

your brother. Don't take this to heart. You would

not hear those words in a rape crisis clinic

today. Clearly, Absalom should have taken his

sister's case to the king to ask for justice

for her. But instead, he takes his own violent

revenge. Later in chapter 13, we see him persuading

all his brothers to come to a meal and then commanding

his men to kill Amnon just when he's relaxed

and enjoying himself. So Absalom has used deceit

and violence to avenge his sister. And also he

has removed one obstacle in his way to the throne.

Amnon was the firstborn son. Now only his father

David stands in the way. David's second son is

not mentioned in these accounts, only in the

genealogies, which suggests he might have died

young. So as the next living son, Absalom is

now the first in line to inherit the throne.

So was Absalom primarily motivated by compassion

for his sister, or was she a convenient excuse

for him to move himself one step closer to becoming

king? What else do we learn about Absalom? A

couple of other episodes help us to build up

a picture of his character. Chapter 14 tells

us that he had beautiful thick hair. Why does

the writer of 2 Samuel tell us this particular

detail? Because whenever Absalom had his hair

cut, he would have the hair that had been cut

off weighed to find out how heavy it is. The

basic message is... that Absalom was vain and

on quite a remarkable scale. If he was alive

today, he definitely would have channels on all

the major social media platforms where you could

find out just how to get thick and lovely hair

just like him. Chapter 15 tells us that Absalom

was using deceit to win the hearts and minds

of his father's people. David was meant to ensure

that the law courts were functioning well so

the people could bring their complaints and find

justice, but he wasn't coming up to scratch in

this area. Absalom would meet these complainants

and pretend that he was interested in their case,

winning them over to him. He wasn't actually

interested because he never did anything about

their problems, but he pretended to be in order

to win a following so that eventually he could

overpower the king. So as well as being vain

and narcissistic, Absalom was emotionally manipulative.

He was willing to pretend that he cared for people

in order to win their affection. And when we

come to our chapter today, chapter 18, after

years of plotting and planning, Absalom has come

to the point of actually going to war against

his father. He's managed to remove the heir to

the throne. He's managed to raise an army. And

now he starts a fight with the aim of removing

his father and becoming king. So David sends

out his men. And you might have noticed that

he gives a command there to everyone going out

to fight. We read in verse five that everyone,

here's what he says. He is very clear with his

army that he does not want Absalom harmed in

the fight. And this tells us something about

his attitude towards Absalom. So the battle begins

and very quickly it becomes clear that Absalom's

initiative against David is going to fail. Verse

7 says that David's army has the upper hand.

And then something remarkable and quite bizarre

happens. The tables suddenly turn, not just on

his army, but on Absalom personally. Absalom

is riding on a mule, a mount for a king. Evidence

there again, in case we needed it, of the overreaching

nature of Absalom's ambition. The mule goes under

a tree and somehow Absalom gets caught in the

branches and he's stuck. It's an extraordinarily

humiliating position to be in. Absalom is about

to get his comeuppance. And here we come in the

narrative to Joab, the commander of David's army.

Now, in chapter 14, we get an indication that

Joab was somewhat supportive of Absalom. When

Absalom kills Amnon and has to flee, Joab helps

to arrange a partial reconciliation between Absalom

and David. Maybe Joab, who, as we know, is a

ruthless political animal, maybe he approved

of Absalom taking revenge on Amnon for what he

did to Tamar. Maybe he had thought then that

it would be better for David to keep his enemy

son Absalom close rather than hold him at a distance.

But now, learning that Absalom is caught in a

tree, Joab disregards David's command not to

harm him and takes three spears, three spears,

and plunges them into Absalom's heart. He then

oversees ten soldiers who surround him and finish

him off. And they bury him, I was going to say

in an unmarked grave, but it isn't even a grave,

just under a heap of rocks. The murder of Absalom

is vicious and humiliating. Why? Here are two

possibly overlapping reasons. One is simply that

Joab was a political operator. He knew that if

David's kingdom was going to survive, Absalom

had to die. Joab was prepared to override David's

wishes, probably because he thought the king's

weakness for Absalom was going to end up getting

him killed. Another reason could well be that

Joab loathed Absalom. One spear would have been

enough to kill Absalom. Kingdom saved, job done.

Verse 3 in chapter 14. Absalom has been allowed

to return from exile to Jerusalem, but he's not

allowed to see the king. He tries twice to give

Joab's attention, to get Joab to persuade David

to see him, but both times Joab refuses. In response,

Absalom gives his servants this instruction.

Look, Joab's field is an ember mine, he's got

barley growing there. Go and set it on fire.

I don't know the value of that field, Barney,

for Joab's family that year. Was it the only

field? Did Joab have others? Either way, Absalom

has it burned, just like that. Unsurprisingly,

Joab's attention is now caught. He goes to Absalom

and says, Why have your servants set my field

on fire? And Absalom says in essence, I've tried

to get your attention before. I just really want

to see the king. He can decide whether I've done

anything wrong here. So Absalom was extraordinarily

unconcerned about Joab as a spiel. He was just

determined to get his own way. And he was prepared

to humiliate Joab in order to force him to his

will. Now, Joab was a man of considerable power.

And as it turns out, Absalom was unwise to show

him such contempt, but their interactions reveal

something very dark about Absalom. He was prepared

to sacrifice every relationship in order to gain

power. Absalom is completely and utterly out

for himself, and he will use the weak and trample

on the strong in order to get what he wants.

So... What is Absalom like? How might we describe

his character? I think we can safely conclude

that he was vain, deceitful, violent, manipulative,

arrogant and cruel. Absalom, the self -anointed

wannabe king, is in many ways an antichrist.

not in a one John sense, but in an opposite of

Christ sense. If the people of Israel might have

breathed a sigh of relief that Absalom did not

ascend to the throne, we can rejoice that our

legitimate Christ is the anti -Absalom in all

his dealings with all of us in Christ. A servant

king, not a vain prima donna, utterly truthful,

not deceitful. a peacemaker and reconciler, not

given to wanton violence, one whom we can trust

with our highest dreams and deepest fears and

fragile hearts and never manipulative, humble,

not arrogant, kind, not cruel. Praise God that

God's real king is better than this pretender.

We can say that from our perspective on this

side of the cross. But track back 3 ,000 years

and we're still left with a crucial question.

Why, given all that Absalom is like and all that

he's done, why does David continue to love him,

even to the extent of risking his kingdom? More

than once, Absalom demonstrates that he is utterly

undeserving of his father's trust and love, uninterested

in his father's love. He would rather his father

was dead or in exile so that he could be king

instead. And yet David loves him. The narrator

communicates the depth of David's love very powerfully

over the course of 14 verses from verses 19 onwards.

We start with the knowledge that Absalom is dead,

or at least we know that. But we also know that

David doesn't know that. And in the exchange

between Joab and Ahimaaz, we hear the insistence

of Ahimaaz, who hasn't quite understood the likely

impact of the news of Absalom's death on David.

Joab does see it. And so we have this tussle

between them, resolved by Joab finally admitting

Ahimaaz to run. And then we move to David sitting

at the gates. And we realize that he has been

watching and waiting for Absalom ever since his

soldiers left the city. And he's alerted to the

first runner. And then we get these agonizing

nine verses as we wait first for Ahimaaz and

then for the Kushite to arrive, where we see

that David is hoping against hope that Absalom

is alive. I wonder whether you've ever had to

wait for news, maybe a call or an email about

someone or something you care about. And as you

wait, you go through the possible options. You

look desperately for signs of hope, hope that

the news will be good. In verse 27, when David

realizes the runner is Ahimaaz, he comes to an

instant and illogical conclusion. He's a good

man. He comes with good news. It's the logic

of a desperate man. But the news isn't good for

David. And when he learns of Absalom's death,

he is devastated. He is overwhelmed by his grief.

David loves his son, not perfectly, even unwisely.

Effectively, he spoils him. He refuses to discipline

his son, who is rebelling against him. Maybe

his love was mixed in with guilt about his own

failings in the past. But despite this, remarkably,

despite the kind of person Absalom was and the

kind of things he did, David loves Absalom. Why

is this important? There are two things I'd like

to draw out here. The first point is that David's

love for imperfect Absalom is a signpost pointing

us, to God's love for us. I wonder whether when

you listen to David waiting in agony for Absalom

to return home from the battle, you heard echoes

of the father in Luke chapter 15, waiting and

Luke 15 · chapter mention

longing for the prodigal son to return home.

David isn't a perfect example of God's love,

but the gap between what Absalom deserved and

what David was prepared to give him, points us

forward to the gap between what we deserve and

what God is prepared to give us. The second point

is that Absalom, the wannabe king, resists David,

the anointed king. And that resistance to God's

sovereign choice is very much alive in our hearts

too. We can probably all say that we have not

murdered our brother and gone to war against

our father in order to win power. But in our

self -centeredness and our idolatry, we often

go to war against God's anointed king, Jesus

Christ. And we hate and envy those who have a

calling that we want for ourselves. I don't know.

what this looks like for you. I know from what

I've seen in my own heart and others that it

can look like expediency, where we choose to

put pressure on others to override their needs

to get the outcome we want. Deceit. Perhaps we

choose to lie or maybe we pretend to care about

people to persuade them to do what we want. Envy.

We despise the life that God has called us to

live and envy those who are doing the things

that we wish we were doing. Self -rule. Perhaps

instead of surrendering our lives to God, we

try to make our chosen future come about by ourselves.

And ministers are just as susceptible to this

as anyone else. If Absalom had surrendered his

life and his hopes for the future to God, had

accepted his father and in time his older brother

as God's anointed king, and been willing to enjoy

the love of his father, what could his life have

been like? What kind of a person could he have

been? Maybe with a love for justice, pursuing

right justice for his sister, for the people

of Israel. Perhaps he would have honoured others.

Perhaps he could have been a faithful and supportive

son to his father and older brother. Gratitude.

Perhaps he could have accepted the place in the

world that God had given him and found some other

wiser outlet for his energy and ambition. Peace.

Perhaps he could have known the peace that God

gives in the knowledge that he is sovereign and

Absalom is loved. The more we surrender our lives,

our character, our hopes for the future again

to God's anointed King Jesus, beholding his death

in our place on the cross, trusting that he loves

us, no matter how many times we fail him, what

changes could that surrender bring about in our

lives? Wouldn't that surrender help to shape

us into Christ -like people? Perhaps there is

one thing that you know in your heart. that the

Holy Spirit is prodding gently right now. An

area of my heart still holding out against King

Jesus. An area where you would love the Lord

to help you make better choices. Let's ask the

Lord together in prayer now. Loving Father God,

we read the life of Absalom and find so much

to be horrified by. And yet, when we are honest,

we know that there are areas of our lives where

we make choices that are all about what we want

and not about what you want. We resist your anointed

King, Jesus, and his will for our lives. Thank

you for your love for us, which is so much greater

than the great love David had for his son, Absalom.

Thank you, Jesus, that through your death on

the cross you prove your eternal love for us.

In the quiet, I offer you this one area of my

life. I invite you, Holy Spirit, to come. Shine

your light in my heart. Bring clarity and wisdom

to my mind. Forgive me for the things I have

said and done that do not bring glory to you.

May your love for me in all my brokenness change

my heart so that more and more I want to make

choices that are Christ -like. Teach me, guide

me, help me. Thank you that I am not alone, that

you have promised to be with me always. In Jesus'

name. Amen.