Ephesians 5:22-33

I'm turning to Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians 5, verse 22, on page 979.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention Ephesians 5:22

Obviously, last week's sermon on marriage, and I'm looking at fatherhood last Sunday night for Acer issues,

! And I want to recommend two books to you. First of all, they're both on the book called The Meaning of Marriage.

Timothy and Kathy Keller is a terrific book. Just a very, very helpful book. It's an honest book.

I think it's by far the best thing out there on marriage, so I'd really recommend that.

And then a book on fatherhood by Tony Payne. What is it? And what's it for?

And it's readable and simple and a really, really good book. So I'd recommend that. I think it's about six quid.

And then one more thing is, we're going to have at the end of February on a Sunday night, hopefully the start of something regular,

we're going to have a question and answer session. And so this sermon, I hope every sermon raises questions.

And Church Life raises questions. And you might think, why on earth can they do it that way?

And so there's a question box at the back. It's in the blue file. We're hoping we get a nicely decorated question box soon.

But if you've got any questions, put them in there. And we'll seek to try and answer them on the last Sunday night of February.

And I hope it'll be the start of a regular thing. But I think it's a good thing for us to do.

So, second sermon on marriage. And this is the last one.

Here are the headlines from last week. If you missed last week, here they are.

A marriage works when it copies the divine marriage between Christ and the church.

A marriage works when it copies the divine marriage between Christ and the church.

And a marriage works when the husband and wife play different roles.

For the wife, the part of submission and respect.

And for the husband, the part of headship and love.

Last week was a sermon on the pattern of marriage.

Christ is like a groom who loves us covenantally and unbreakably.

And we, the church, are his bride.

Christ did certain things for us.

And in return, we do certain things towards him.

And that, says Paul, is the pattern for marriage.

The pattern for all marriages.

Which, over time, become deeply beautiful marriages.

The man acts like Christ, who is the head of his body.

And the husband is the head.

Now I said last week that I take that to mean that the husband is completely responsible for everything that happens in a marriage.

Completely responsible.

For everything that happens in a marriage.

And you might want to listen to that last week to see why I say that and what it means.

Because Christ is completely responsible.

For everything that happens in a marriage.

The woman acts like the church, who is the bride of Christ.

And has a role of submission to her head.

Like the church submits to Christ.

So what does it actually mean?

What does it actually look like?

What are we saying that a marriage that does these things looks like?

So four points.

And I'm going to give you them at the front.

Because I might not spell them out clearly enough as we go on.

First of all, headship carries a deadly cross.

And then secondly, love bestows loveliness.

And submission, thirdly, creates a voluntary unity.

And thirdly, respect bestows dignity.

They're really catchy, aren't they?

Headship carries a deadly cross.

Love bestows loveliness.

Submission creates a voluntary unity.

And respect bestows dignity.

Now I don't know whether you noticed.

Two points for the husband.

Two points for the wife.

And the first of these points is this.

About the practical application and the meaning of their roles.

What headship looks like, what it means,

is that a husband has an instrument of execution strapped to his back.

That's what headship means.

And what submission actually means,

it looks like a woman who brings into existence

one new unity of two.

One new entity of two.

So two points related to the meaning of their roles.

And then two points related to what the wife and the husband actually do.

So men, husbands, your job is to bestow loveliness on your wife.

And wives, your job is to bestow dignity on your husbands.

So I'm going to reverse the passage.

I hope you don't mind me doing that.

I'm going to speak to husbands first.

And then wives.

My reason for that is the weight of Paul's argument falls on husbands.

So in the original text there are 40 words to wives.

But 115 words to husbands.

And culturally at the time, I think this is profoundly significant.

Because it was very commonplace in the New Testament era

for wives to be told to submit to their husbands.

But it was commonly joined with injunctions.

With husbands being told, you keep your wives in submission.

So wives submit.

And husbands, you make sure they submit.

An order at home, a submissive wife, obedient children.

Good standing in society and all is well.

But that is not the way the Bible says it.

And that is not so with the Apostle Paul.

With Christian men and Christian husbands,

in Colossians 3, Paul simply tells husbands

not to be harsh with their wives.

And I wonder if it's any less true

that male harshness and male unkindness

is endemic in marriage.

And I would want to say that male harshness

is endemic regardless of whether somebody

accepts or rejects

what we might call from this parish

traditional gender roles in marriage.

It's a problem that every male faces.

Because it's perfectly possible, isn't it,

for somebody, maybe for you to say,

in our marriage we're not going to go in

for all this headship and all this submission.

That is simply demeaning to a woman.

And we're going to have completely identical roles

in our marriage in every way.

And it's possible for a couple to do that.

But for harshness still to surface

in the male heart.

And it's possible,

even when you have identical roles

and say, I'm not going in for this,

for lack of respect,

it still surfaced in the female heart.

Now what is going to fix it?

And I want to suggest this.

What will begin to fix it,

or will at least begin to suck the poison

of male harshness,

where it matters in our hearts,

is understanding who I am in my marriage.

And how I'm meant to be who I am.

Who I am.

Husbands are heads.

That is who I am.

That is who you are.

And I think Paul shows us

that headship

carries a deadly cross.

That is, if you like,

the basic principle of the passage.

Remember chapter 5, verse 25.

Husbands, love your wives

as Christ loved the church

and gave himself a prayer.

Do you see the meaning?

Husbands, love your wives

in the same way that Christ loved his bride.

How did Christ love his bride?

By dying for her.

By sacrificing himself for her.

Now Christ's death does many things

for all his people

which we can never imitate

and we can never copy, can we?

So, we cannot be forsaken by God

for each other.

Or we cannot

take the punishment for one another

in place of each other.

We cannot bear God's wrath for sin

in place of each other.

But,

the principle here is

we can lay down our lives

for each other.

And Paul says,

if you want to know

what a husband's headship looks like,

it looks like a man

on 30 or 40

or 50 years

on death row.

So we went in America

and stayed with one of Chuck's friends

who was a great character

and he got married

and after his marriage

the first words

that his father-in-law said to him

we shook his hand and said

it's a death sentence.

However long God gives you

in your marriage

headship carries

a deadly cross.

Because the head,

the husband,

is copying the one

who carried a deadly cross.

Christian headship in marriage

is in the shape of a cross.

Now this is why I think

nothing, nothing comes close

to the beauty

and the power of this marriage

in any kind of contemporary thought

or relationship advice.

I read in a Christian book

on marriage this week

that marriage is all about 50-50.

Each couple has to give 50%

to make 100%.

Absolute rubbish.

What about if each person

gives 100%?

100% of themselves.

Well surely that is better.

It's nonsense to think about that.

I have in my life

people who I know

who would literally die for me.

I know for instance

my parents in their late 70s

even at my age now

they would still give their life for me

if they had to.

And there is incredible beauty

isn't there?

And blessing

in knowing that you are loved

to the point of death

by another human being.

So Paul says to Ephesian husbands

and he says to IPC husbands

your wife needs a husband

who dies for her.

Now please obviously

it's not literal.

But it is to the point

of constant

and willing sacrifice

of yourself for her.

And we men

need to be told this

because we don't really do it.

So if you watch

a young mum

with her children

if you watch the young mums

in IPC

with their children

when you watch closely

you see

the natural self-sacrifice

on behalf of their children.

A mother has a kind of

built-in mechanism

doesn't she

of laying down her life.

Young mums do that.

To allow their children

to thrive

and fathers

well we can do it as well

and some do do it

but generally

it is true

that women

are much better

at surrendering themselves

for the sake

of another.

So here is a very

very simple

diagnostic question

for you

of your husband

this morning.

I ask the children

to ask their dancers

in Sunday school.

What are you going

without husbands?

What are you doing

with?

What are you knowing

the loss of

so that your wife

can flourish?

Where are you

tasting death

for her?

Loss of

man cave time?

Loss of mate time?

Less advancement

in your career

than you would have

hoped on?

Less of just

me time?

This is C.S. Lewis

writing beautifully

on the husband's

headship.

The headship then

C.S. Lewis says

is most fully embodied

not in the husband

we sure wish to be

but in him

whose marriage

is the most

like a crucifixion.

Whose wife

receives most

and gives least

whose wife

is the most

unworthy of him

whose wife

is the least

lovable

the anointing

of this terrible

coronation

is not to be seen

in the joys

of any man's

marriage

but it is

in its sorrows

in the sickness

and sufferings

of a good wife

or the faults

of a bad wife.

It is unwearying

and never paraded

care

or in his

inexhaustible

forgiveness.

Lewis says

the sternest

feminist critic

need not grudge

my sex

the crown

off it

to it

for it is

a crown

of thorns.

And that is why

when I spoke to the

children this morning

before the sermon

I said to them

marriage is

can someone

shout it out?

Death.

Death.

Marriage

is

death.

And that is how

we live

Christ's example

by dying.

And no marriage

which does not

have death

death of itself

of death of self

at its heart

will ever live long

or will ever thrive.

And no marriage

which does not

have the death

of the husband

as the dominating

feature of his head

will ever produce

a beautiful wife.

Now I want to

pause for a little bit

because I've done

quite a bit of

reading on this.

In preparation

for this

I came across

the best definition

for masculinity

I've ever seen.

And it goes

to the heart

of this issue.

Masculinity

is the glad

assumption

of sacrificial

responsibility.

Masculinity

is the glad

assumption

of sacrificial

responsibility.

Now the reason

I think that works

is because it

so closely fits

with what Paul

is saying here

doesn't it?

Remember Paul

is not saying

husbands be the

heads.

He's simply

saying you

are the head.

That's what you

are.

The only question

is what kind

of head

are you going

to be?

Are you going

to dominate

your home

by abdicating

from your

responsibility

or are you

going to

dominate your

home by

gladly assuming

your sacrificial

responsibility?

Here's the other

thing I learnt

alongside this

definition of

masculinity.

Authority

flows to

those who

take responsibility.

That is genius.

authority flows

to those who

take responsibility.

You see the

foundation of

Christ's

authority

in the church

is the blood

that he shed

isn't it?

He took

responsibility

through sacrificial

service and

therefore all

authority in

heaven and

earth has been

given to him

as flow to him.

Sacrificial

responsibility

creates authority.

Now you see

that in work.

Somebody who's

in a more

senior position

and you are

meant to

respect their

authority over

you but they

clearly take no

loving care over

you.

There's no

sacrificial

responsibility for

you.

How do you

feel about your

boss when they're

like that?

How do you

feel about

submitting to

someone like

that?

I'm in charge

but I'm not

interested in

you.

And I'm not

interested in

serving you.

I'm the boss

you do what I

say.

So there's no

responsibility for

you or modeled

to you or given

to you.

It's the kind of

authorities that we

all resent.

None of us like

bosses like that.

We hate it.

And it is a

million miles from

the authority of

God that he has

over his people.

The kind of

authority that

Christ has over

his bride.

And Paul says

that is a million

miles away from

the kind of

authority a

husband's head

should carry in

the home.

Here's what he's

saying.

When a man

becomes a

husband he is

shouldering the

responsibility of

being masculine in

that setting.

And so he's

called to bleed for

others.

It's very very

sobering isn't it

biblical

masculinity.

It's very

sobering.

It is heavy.

And biblical

masculinity can

only be carried

by the miracle of

a changed heart.

And a

willingness to

die to myself

and my dreams

and my

preferences and

my tiredness

and my goals

and my ambitions

and my hobbies

and my perfect

neat and tidy

worlds.

That I'm

willing to die

to it for

you.

And that is

what it means

to be a

married man.

That's what it

means to be a

husband.

And a head.

If she had

to, can

your wife

point to the

blood on the

walls?

If she had

to, could

your wife

point to the

blood on the

floor?

Can you show

her the point

where she

knows your

love for her

cost you

and led to

your own life

ebbing away

so that she

grew and

flourished?

Because this

is point two.

The whole

point of

your love

husbands for

your wife is

to bestow

loveliness.

The whole

point of your

love for your

wife is to

bestow loveliness

on her, to

her, for

her.

See here is

what Paul is

saying to

husbands.

Husbands who

are sacrificially

responsible.

Pairs love

their wives

and they love

them in two

ways.

Look at

verse 25.

They love

them as

Christ loved

the church.

So to the

point of

death.

And verse

28.

They love

their wives

as they

love their

own bodies.

To the

point of

maximum care.

So two

examples for

you to

copy.

Christ's love

for you

men.

And copy

your own

love for

your own

body.

This is

very corny

but it

might help

you to

understand

it.

Husbands

are both

to be a

beautician

and a

dietician.

Husbands

are to be

both a

beautician

and a

dietician.

Your role

is to

make you

beautiful

and keep

her

healthy.

So look

what Christ

did to

make her

bright,

beautiful.

Look at

verse 25.

Husbands

love your

wives as

Christ loved

the church

and gave

himself up

for her.

That he

might

sanctify her,

he might

set her

apart,

have him

cleansed her

by the

washing of

water,

with the

word,

so that he

might present

the church

to himself

in splendour,

without spot

or wrinkle,

or any

such thing,

that she

might be

holy and

without

blemish.

It's a

way of saying

right now we

are in the

engagement stage of

our marriage to

Christ,

aren't we?

And he

died for us

in order that

he might

wash us

clean,

and he

might perfect

us in

sinless beauty

on our

wedding day,

and at the

end of the

day when we

stand there

before him,

he'll be

radiant,

nothing dirty,

nothing broken,

the law be

gone and

finished,

Christ died to

make us

beautiful,

and husbands

died to make

their wives

beautiful.

And I

think it

is the

idea,

isn't it,

in the

passage,

of the

husband taking

on himself

the goal of

leading his

wife into

growth and

wholeness,

personally and

spiritually.

So she

develops.

So the

goal of your

marriage is not

your own

self fulfillment,

but her

blossoming.

And I

think we

want to know

exactly what

that means.

Okay,

very well,

what do I

have to do?

What do I

have to do?

But that's

going to look

different,

isn't it?

It's going to

look different

in different

marriages.

I don't

think it's

particularly

helpful to

me to tell

you the

specifics.

I was at a

minister's

conference this

week and

the guy

said,

he sings

to his

wife while

making

breakfast

every morning,

he makes

up songs.

And husbands

need to have

nicknames for

their work,

I can't

think of

anything worse.

It wouldn't

do any good

to my

marriage through

that.

So the

things that

specifically

apply to

me,

they don't

apply in

your

marriage.

But notice

some of the

general principles,

okay?

This love is

particular and

it's exclusive.

Do you see

that?

Christ loved

the church

and he gave

himself up for

her.

One bride for

him,

one woman for

your husbands.

I've come across men

and particularly preachers

who seem to be fantastic experts

in women generally

have you met them?

women do this

women do that

well praise the Lord

we're never called to be experts

in womankind generally

are we?

just one woman

in particular

if your husband

it's just one woman

it's a particular love

but it's an initiating love

do you see that?

verse 25

Christ loved the church

and gave himself up for her

the presence of that word

himself

is significant

it was his own initiative

father didn't kick Jesus out of heaven

it was Jesus' own initiative

no one told him he had to do it

it is unconditional love

Christ takes a bride of ungliness

and he transforms her

into something beautiful

that is the picture

isn't it?

verse 27

the idea is that the bride

the church had those things

that we see the stains

on the church

and the wrinkles

and the blemishes

and Christ took them away

she had those things

until he took responsibility for it

and he began to erase them

it's a purposeful love

it's a particular love

it's an initiating love

it's an unconditional love

now you husbands decide

what it will mean

to love with that example

it will mean something

won't it?

it will take concrete form

possibly something that you are not doing already

but notice too

verse 28

the husband is a dietician

look at verse 28

in the same way

husbands should love their wives

as their own bodies

he who loves his wife

loves himself

for no one ever

hates his own flesh

but nourishes and cherishes

just as Christ does the church

nourishing

and tenderly caring

as he cherishes

his own body

nourishing and cherishing

it's a brilliant picture

isn't it?

what it's saying

is that Jesus cares for you

he cares for his body

he cares for the church

in that way

he nourishes

Jesus cherishes you

and so the husband

must show his wife

all the same love

and care

that he daily devotes

to his own body

let's think for a moment

let's have a slightly

strange scenario

let's imagine

that your body

Mr. Husband

could come up here

alright

I won't use one

here as an example

but let's have

generic husband Bob

I don't think we've got

a Bob in the church

I don't think we have

have we got a Bob

so let's imagine

Bob's body

Mr. Marry

if Bob's body

could come up here

and speak

it would say something

like this

wouldn't it?

his body would say

Bob is fantastic

he is wonderful

he always thinks

of my needs

and when I'm hungry

Bob feeds me

when I'm not hungry

sometimes Bob feeds me

when I'm tired

he's so understanding

he puts me to bed

in fact he lets me

fall asleep

pretty much anywhere

Bob puts designer

labels on me

every day

he combes my hair

he sheaves me

in fact he looks

at me every day

in the mirror

and tells me

I'm the best

body in the world

isn't it true

if your body

could speak

it would tell us

you are wonderful

you see husbands

imagine if we

swapped roles

and it's your wife

that comes up here

and she tells the world

what she thinks

of her husband

what would a wife

say about you?

your wife

if she was honest

we know what a new bride

would say on her wedding day

don't we?

but what about

what would the wife

say in 5 years

15 years

30 years

50 years

and I think the challenge

of this passage

to husbands

is what will your wife

say about you

what your wife

will say about you

depends on how

you love her

so we know

how the caricature

of Mrs. Married

turns out

there's Mrs. Married

in the office

with her colleagues

she's at the school gates

with the children

and she's complaining

about her husband

he's hopeless

with the kids

you know what he's like

he doesn't know

what they're doing

from one day to the next

he never does anything

around the house

he's always late

home from work

he never surprises me

anymore

I know what's coming

all the time

our bodies

would never say that

our bodies

would never say that

about ourselves

imagine instead

a wife who's full

of respect

and support for you

imagine a wife

who tells everybody

how glad she is

to be married to you

because of how

you love her

I think Paul says

if you want a wife

who says that

then husbands

you learn

at the foot of the cross

you learn

at the foot of the cross

that Christ

laid down his life

for you

not counting the cross

he laid down

you lay down

your life

for your wife

by nourishing her

and giving yourself

up for her

not counting the cross

ask her what it means

to nourish

and cherish her

I'm embarrassed about this

but I can't confess to you

that I had

I had to ask my wife

what does that mean

because I didn't know

what does it mean

to nourish

and cherish you

those words

to nourish and cherish

it may well be

that a husband

is sitting here

and somebody

and he hasn't got a clue

what that means

it's not standard

male vocabulary

is it

well ask her

ask what it means

well to wives

what does this passage

say to wives

from verse 22

wives submit to your

own husbands

and ask to the Lord

verse 33

however let each one of you

love his wife

as himself

and let the wife

see that she respects

her husband

it's really vital

that we don't let the world

mislead us

into what the word

submission means

so you can imagine

Cosmopolitan

runs an article

27 ways

to submit to your husband

number one

always do what he says

number two

never disagree

with his opinions

when he wants

your opinion

he'll give it to you

number three

always do the cooking

the cleaning

and have his dinner

on time

that is a gross

distortion

of what submission is

it's what people

understand when they

hear the word

but it's not what it

means

submission is a

Christian term

with a Christian

meaning

which is this

voluntary submission

to the will

of another

it is not

forced submission

to the will

of another

not when it's used

in the context

of marriage

both types of

submission

both forced

submission

and voluntary

submission

exist in the Bible

both of their

place

but voluntary

submission

is what the

wife's

is

it's not

a forced

kind of

submission

her submission

is exactly

like

Christ's own

kind of

submission

and Cathy Caller's

chapter in that

book on marriage

helped me

enormously

so come with me

to 1 Corinthians

1 Corinthians 15 · chapter mention

chapter 15

1 Corinthians

1 Corinthians 15 · chapter mention

chapter 15

and let me just

show you that

alright

1 Corinthians

15

come on

page 961

and let me

read you

verses 24

to 27

1 Corinthians

15

page 961

then comes

the end

when

Jesus

delivers the

kingdom of

God

the kingdom

to God

the Father

after destroying

every rule

and every

authority

in power

that's

forced

submission

for he

must reign

until he

has put

all his

enemies

under his

feet

forced

submission

again

the last

enemy

to be

destroyed

is

death

for God

has put

all things

in subjection

under his

feet

but when it

says all

things are

put in

subjection

it is plain

that he

is accepted

who put

all things

in subjection

under him

when all

things are

subjected

him

for submission

then the

Son of

Man

will also

be subjected

to him

who put

all things

in subjection

under him

that God

may be

all in all

now those

are difficult

places

I wish I

had more

time

but Paul

is saying

at the

end of

time

God

the

Father

will

make

the

world

submit

to

Christ

there

will

be

a

forced

submission

every

evil

vow

every

temple

confess

of all

things

at the

end

but then in

verse 28

when he's done

this

when he's done

this in

verse 28

when all

things are

subjected

to him

then the

Son

himself

will also

be

subjected

to him

and it

looks like

Christ

is being

made

to

submit

doesn't

it

that's

what it

looks

like

but look

at that

look at

verse 24

!

when Jesus

hands over

the world

to God

Christ's

submission to

the Father

is not

forced

it is

voluntary

it is

voluntary

and willing

he who

was equal

with God

did not

consider equality

with God

something to be

grasped

but made

himself

nothing

it is

voluntary

and willing

he's not

forced to

submit

he wants

to submit

he takes

the kingdom

that belongs

to him

and gives

it to

his

father

it's the

idea

you see

of voluntary

submission

creating

perfect

unity

so the

Father

Son

and Holy

Spirit

they all

agree

and they

all want

and they

will the

same thing

in this

perfect

fellowship

Christ's

will and

the

Father's

will are

perfectly

aligned

so that

there is

a new

creation

and a

perfect

new

world

and we're

going to

see that

aren't

we

in Ephesians

that the

goal of

everything

where the

world is

heading

is

everything

under

Christ

that is

God's

master plan

of how

to align

everything

in

creation

under

Christ

beneath

his

eternal

throne

and God

is doing

that now

in the

church

Jew

and

Gentile

all the

nations

of the

world

coming

together

and he's

doing it

in marriage

by husband

and wife

together

how

by the

husband

dying

for his

wife

and by

the

wife

aligning

her

will

with his

sort of

function

as one

as a

unit

as a

team

as one

flesh

and I

think what

this passage

does for

us

wonderfully

is it

lays out

for us

a picture

of a

husband

who lays

his wife

who lays

his life

down

down

his life

for his

wife

and it

says to

his wife

will you

live for

your husband

by learning

to trust

him

by submitting

to him

and his

love and care

and will you

gladly submit

to his

efforts

to take

initiative

and lead

you and take

responsibility

even though he

gets it wrong

lots of times

and I think

when a husband

does not

love his

wife

when he

stops

laying down

his life

and making

a sacrifice

for his

wife

then in

their own

marriage

he's

blaspheming

Christ

that's not

too strong

because he's

saying Jesus

really is a

husband who

doesn't love

his people

and when a

wife says

actually I

cannot submit

to my

husband

it is

degrading

for me

as a

woman

well that

woman is

saying that

submitting to

Christ

is an

insult

something I

shouldn't have

to do

I suspect

we husbands

we tend

to express

our own

form of

selfishness

by shrinking

from initiative

and responsibility

and we tend

to hide behind

providing for our

wives

I provide for

them that's

enough

I'm afraid

to be loving

and I think

wives can

tend to express

their selfishness

by wanting to

dominate their

husbands

maybe to

manipulate and

control

mocking

belittling

criticizing

his efforts

so for

wives

what will

a husband

say about

you

in 15

20

30

40

years

even the

caricature

of Mrs

Married

let's get

Mr Married

up the

front

well let's

take him

to the

pub

he's in

the pub

he's been

working late

just to get

out of the

house

and you

know how

Mr Married

speaks about

his wife

no you

don't

because he

never does

he's probably

not complaining

about his

wife at all

but if he

is he

complains

how she

always

likes him

how she

criticizes

him

but imagine

that a

husband

in 15

20

40

60

years

time

with his

friends

tells

how much

he loves

his wife

how much

he depends

on her

for so much

of who he

is and what

he does

and I think

we need to

read this

passage

Ephesians 5

you're back

there with

me

with the

kind of

operating

assumption

that the

commands

to each

of the

husbands

and wives

are specific

let me try

and tell you

what I mean

I know I'm

late but

let me try

and teach you

this before

I finish

they are

not exclusive

to each

of them

but they

are specific

so in other

words wives

are told to

respect their

husbands

and husbands

are told to

love their

wives

it doesn't

mean that

wives are

not to

love their

husbands

of course

they are

or their

husbands

need to

respect

their

wives

of course

they do

but when

a command

like this

is given

I think

there's an

underlying

rationale

for it

alright

when Jesus

told Peter

feed my

sheep

he doesn't

mean that

Peter himself

will never

need to be

fed

does he

he means

the particular

quality of a

sheep

is that it

needs feeding

and I think

it works this

way here too

the particular

quality of a

woman

of a wife

is that she

needs to be

loved

and the

particular

quality of a

man or a

husband is that

he needs to

be respected

do you get

that

just listen

to this

I've been

quoting loads

in the last

couple of

weeks

and I'm

going to

stop it

listen to

this

the commands

are given

to the

respective

weaknesses

of our

duties

men need

to do their

duty with

regard to

their wives

they need

to love

women need

to do their

duty in the

same way

they need

to respect

women

are fully

capable of

loving a

man and

sacrificing

for him

while believing

the entire

time that

he is a

true and

unvarnished

jerk

women are

good at

this kind

of love

but the

central

requirement

given to

wives is

that they

respect their

husbands

as Christian

women gather

together maybe

for prayer

or Bible

study

they frequently

speak about

their husbands

in the most

disrespectful

way

then they

hurry home

to cook

clean and

care for

his kids

why?

because they

love him

it is not

wrong for

the wives

to love

their husbands

but it is

wrong to

substitute

love for

the respect

God requires

so often we

are like the

man who

gave his

wife a

shotgun for

Christmas

because he

wanted one

when a

wife is

trying to

work on a

troubled

marriage

she gives

her husband

what she

would like

and not

what God

commanded

and not

what he

needs

she loves

him

but does

she respect

him?

and tell

him she

respects

him

we have

difficulties

because we

do not

follow the

Bible's

instructions

when a

man is

communicating

his love

for his

wife both

verbally and

non-verbally

he should be

seeking to

communicate to

her the

security provided

by his

covenantal

commitment

he will

provide her

he will