Matthew 19:10-12

I'm going to turn with me to Matthew chapter 19. Matthew 19.

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

Now two weeks ago we looked at the issue of divorce and this morning we're looking at the issue

! of singleness and tonight we're going to be looking at the issue of parenting from

the next three verses. So I'll be off work for the next three months with stress. But two

come tonight, you should come every Sunday night but I want to encourage you whether

you're a parent or not, there's great things for us to learn this evening on parenting.

If you're a parent or a grandparent or if you're single, if you're part of this church, do come

at the season six o'clock. It's a sensitive subject, the issue of singleness and I'm very

aware of that. I want to plug three books. One is the book we've been plugging in the last

little while, Aspects of Love by Willie Philip, which just looks at different areas of relationship

relationships and family and marriage and parenting. It's a really excellent book. And then

two works on singleness. One, Seven Myths About Singleness by Sam Albury. Some of us have

heard Sam speak. He's got really great insights into this subject and he's an Anglican minister

and travels a lot in the States. But it's a really, really excellent book. Seven Myths

About Singleness. And then the other book is a book by Andrea Trevenna, The Heart of Singleness.

It's written by a woman for women. I think it's a terrific work. It warmed my heart to read

it. And I'd really recommend those books. They're on the bookstore. You can now pay by contactless

card and other forms of payment are acceptable too. So do pick up those books. I'll look at

verse 10 with me. Matthew 19. The disciples come and they say, well you've told us about marriage

that it's one man and one woman for life. And they say, well if such is the case of a man

with his wife, it's better not to marry. It's better not to marry. And that applies to many

people who are here today. It's slightly different than in Jesus' day, isn't it? The unmarried

population of Jesus' day was small while in London it's huge. And whether we're single or married

this morning, this text has got something to say to us from verses 10 to 12. Two things we need as we

begin this subject. Much the same as we began on divorce. First we need wisdom. I need to beware

of making broad sweeping generalisations from these verses. Everyone's story is different.

Everyone's life circumstances are different. And while Jesus avoids clumping all singles into

one category, and we're going to see in a moment that not all scenarios are addressed here in detail.

So you need to realise that we need wisdom and we need discernment to make application of what

Jesus has here to our particular setting. The second thing is that of sensitivity. It is probably

fair to say that within the church particularly there is a stigma attached to singleness that

shouldn't be there. And there may be different reasons why that is the case. You might want to

disagree with me. But the gift of singleness has been described in this way. Singleness is the kind

of gift that makes us cringe and smile politely while we desperately search for the gift receipt.

Let me read to you. I'm Glandria Trevenna. As she says, it's not easy to be grateful for a gift that you

don't want. To enjoy a present that is totally not what you ask for. One Christmas when my sister and I

were six and eight, our parents gave us a train set for Christmas. It was a very nice train set. A state-of-the-art

Hornby train set, but it was a train set. This was not what I wanted at all. I wanted a tiny Tia's doll.

Looking back on that Christmas, I asked my mum recently if she thought my dad had wanted a son.

She replied, no, but he did want a train set.

My father is wonderful, but that Christmas he didn't give me what I wanted, what was good.

And I think that singleness can be a gift that maybe you don't particularly want. There will be in this

room right now disappointed hopes and expectations. And so Jesus, we're going to find his teaching is not

academic and detached. It is very practical and personal and for some it will be painful.

And Jesus says, he who is able to accept it, let him accept it. Three headings. First heading,

our struggle with marriage. Second heading, our struggle with singleness. And then thirdly, God's

remedy for singleness. Our struggle with marriage. Look at verse 10. If such is the case of a man with

his wife, one man and one woman in one flesh, full life, it's better not to marry. I remember, it's

the debate, isn't it, that's been going on, this theological struggle taking place. There's three

parties, there's Jesus, there are the Pharisees and there are the disciples. And Jesus' statement

about marriage, he has a problem with what the Pharisees are saying, with their twisting of the

Bible. The permission to divorce that Moses gave, they were turning into a command to divorce.

And there's two very different ideas. So in verse 3, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any

reason? And our Lord, he's really grieved by the hard-heartedness of these religious leaders.

They basically want to get out of marriage free pass. And they are using Moses, the Bible, to get it.

And how does Jesus respond to them? When he goes back to the very beginning, verse 4, and he says,

Haven't you read, that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? And

therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and he'll hold fast for his wife, and the two will

become one, one flesh. So they're no longer two, but one flesh. You see, God is the marriage maker.

Jesus said, what God has joined together, let not man separate. End of verse 6. And we see that man is

the marriage breaker. Let not man, let not men and women, human beings separate. And so what

Jesus is doing is he's laying bare their hard hearts. And instead of them delighting in the

permanence of the marriage bond, the Pharisees were looking for loopholes and ways out. So

they can get out of it easily. And the Pharisees say, can we divorce for any old reason? And

Jesus says, you men shouldn't be getting divorced at all. Marriage is a permanent bond established by

God. Jesus is saying marriage is for life. And it's a very controversial statement. Because there are

two groups in the context that are put out by it. The Pharisees, but also his very own disciples. Verse 10.

So notice the Pharisees struggle in verse 7, first of all. They say, well, why then did Moses command one to

give a certificate of divorce and send her away? The problem that they have, those religious leaders, with

Jesus' doctrine that marriage is a lifelong covenant bond. And so they try to defend their appalling track record of

easy divorce and broken lives by appealing to Moses. They say, well, Moses commanded divorce.

And we saw last time, didn't we, two weeks ago, that Moses wasn't commanding divorce.

That if you are going to divorce, you must give a certificate of divorce to provide for the

woman. And Moses was simply granting a permission to regulate this sinful practice of casual divorce

marriage. And remarriage. The Pharisees, the religious leaders have turned permission and what was a kind

law to protect people into a command. And even though Jesus says marriage is permanent, he does give,

doesn't he, in this passage, limited permission to divorce. And even then it's not a necessity.

He says, in the case of paudea, in the case of sexual immorality, well, there can be a divorce.

And that brings us to the heart of the passage we're in this morning, and that is the disciples'

struggle. What is the disciples' gripe with? Well, verse 10, they say, such a case of a man

with his wife, it's better not to marry. And I want to say to you, this shows the shocking

hard-heartedness of Jesus' own disciples. Let's follow us. One commentator said this, to be

tied to a wife that only her committing sexual immorality, a rather remote possibility, would ever

release the husband from her. And so you're compelled to put up with her for a whole lifetime,

seems to the disciples an intolerable burden to which remaining unmarried would be preferable.

That's the problem with these disciples.

If Jesus is going to remove all likelihood of escape from the lifelong challenges of marriage,

then the 12 disciples say, well, it's better not to be married at all, is it?

In our day, we might say that they are a classic example of that bane of single women everywhere,

men who are unwilling to commit.

It's better not to marry than to go through all the work of commitment to one woman for life.

And this, in this summary, is man's struggle with marriage. Do you get the picture?

One doctrine of marriage, two becoming one for life.

And two very unpleasant reactions, both in different directions.

The Pharisees want all the benefits of marriage, but none of the burdens.

And the disciples' reasoning flipped the coin, and they didn't want the burdens,

so they're willing to not have the benefits.

The disciples argue in favour of permanent singleness as an escape route

from the inevitable problems of a marriage relationship.

Do you see the two struggles here in marriage?

The disciples struggle and the Pharisees struggle, and they're both selfish.

Thoroughly selfish.

And so we need to say, don't we, what Jesus expects from marriage is hard work.

It's something that demands the daily help of the Holy Spirit.

Faithfulness, sacrifice, patience, endurance, all those things are required.

And the Pharisees don't want to work at marriage, so they seek an easy divorce, a way out.

And the disciples don't want to work at marriage either, so they'll say, we choose singleness, lifelong.

And we're going to find out in what Jesus says next, that neither is particularly in the easy path to follow.

And so I want to move from our struggle with marriage to our struggle with singleness.

Look at verse 11.

But Jesus said to them, not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.

Now if we're going to understand this verse, we need to know three things.

First of all, a personal statement.

And the personal statement we've just read in verse 10.

It's better not to marry.

That's a statement.

And to stay single, indefinitely, is a personal decision.

It sometimes can be that one is, that is forced upon one by circumstances.

It's not what they desire, it's not what they hope for, maybe that's many of you.

So what does Jesus say to this personal statement?

The second thing is a personal reality.

And Jesus says, all cannot accept this statement.

And so the immediate question that you should be asking is, well, which statement?

What saying is it that all cannot accept?

Is he referring back to his previous teaching on marriage?

Or is it rather what the disciples have just said about singleness?

Most of the commentators say it's the latter, I think they're right.

And the disciples are saying, well, it's better not to marry.

And Jesus shoots back at them, all cannot accept this statement of yours.

All cannot accept that it's better to stay single.

All cannot accept the idea of permanent singleness.

And so Jesus is teaching a personal reality that cuts across the grain in today's culture of singleness.

Especially in the world that singleness is a state that most people are not called to.

Singleness is not a state that most people are called to.

It's really emphatic, literally.

All cannot.

The New American Standard says, not all men can accept this statement about singleness.

It's a controversial thing to say even in church today.

It sounds, doesn't it, like an absolute negative.

All cannot stay single.

But he immediately qualifies it.

But only those, and it leads us into in verse 12.

But only those to whom it is given.

And Jesus in verse 12 is about to state the limited exceptions to this rule in verse 12.

Where he describes different kinds of eunuchs.

For whom singleness is perfectly good.

And healthy and desirable.

But before we ask why singleness is suitable for these few.

We have to ask the awkward question.

Why is it unsuitable for all?

All cannot accept it, Jesus says.

Why is it unsuitable for the majority?

A personal statement.

A personal reality.

And at the third end of this heading, a personal struggle.

Not everyone can accept this saying.

But only those for whom it is given.

Why not?

The answers in the context come back with me to verse 4.

Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female?

Why did God make them male and female?

Well the next verse.

Verse 5.

And he said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast his wife.

And the two shall become one flesh.

So they are no longer two but one flesh.

So here is a key purpose of marriage.

We are male and female.

In order to provide a context lawfully.

To become one flesh.

With one person.

Of the opposite gender.

For life.

And so to be fruitful.

And to multiply.

That is the creation norm.

But we know John B. Singh has entered into this world of ours.

And it has marred that norm.

And scarred it.

But that one flesh intimacy.

That is reserved for a lifelong marriage partner of the opposite sex.

Is often squandered.

That's why Jesus speaks here of the sin of sexual immorality.

In verse 9.

In this context that's the only grounds for divorce.

That he gives here.

And I say to you.

Whoever divorces his wife.

Except for sexual immorality.

And marries another.

Commits adultery.

This is where the apostle Paul comes in.

The Bible is one book.

One God.

One book.

Multiple authors.

And yet one story.

And Paul comes in with some rather direct statements.

Many commentators want to say that.

And what Paul is doing in 1 Corinthians chapter 6 and 7.

1 Corinthians 6 · chapter mention

Is commentating and expounding this passage.

They might be right.

That sexual immorality is potentially a fatal blow to a marriage.

And so here you have a husband and a wife.

They've been blessed with a lifelong partner.

With whom to be one flesh with.

And Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6.

16.

Do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot.

A prostitute.

Is one body with her.

One flesh with her.

For the two he says shall become one flesh.

Therefore flee.

Run away from sexual immorality.

And a few verses later.

Paul tells us how to flee.

And from sexual immorality.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 2.

1 Corinthians 7:2

He says nevertheless.

Because of sexual immorality.

Let each man.

Have his own wife.

And let each woman have her own husband.

Paul is unambiguously clear.

In most cases not all.

To stay single.

Is to be more vulnerable to sexual immorality.

I don't think that's rocket science.

That to stay single is to be more vulnerable.

To the sin of sexual immorality.

Whether in thought.

Or word.

Or deed.

As any single person will tell you.

That is our struggle with singleness.

So let me summarize.

Jesus' primary concern in Matthew 19.

Is not to pitch one against the other.

It's not marriage versus singleness.

His concern is with the Christian practice of celibacy.

That is abstaining from one flesh.

Sexual relations between a man and a woman.

That is reserved for marriage.

Singleness and celibacy are not the same thing.

You know that.

There are many singles in London today.

Who are not celibate.

But Jesus is saying that they belong together.

And that is the very personal struggle that Jesus is speaking to.

Honestly and sensitively.

He says all cannot accept it.

Those of you here.

Who struggle with singleness.

You need to know there is not something wrong with you.

You are not a special case.

There is a sense in which singleness should be a struggle.

There is of course a qualification that needs to be made.

Of course the struggle with singleness incorporates far more than this healthy God given desire for physical intimacy.

There is a desire for companionship.

For children.

For knowing the satisfaction of providing and caring for one's family.

The desire to reflect the relationship that Christ has with his church.

And Jesus knows that too.

It's not good for the man to be alone or for the woman for that matter.

But the context here is sexual immorality as the great enemy of marriage.

And the very exceptions that Jesus is about to list underlines this particular struggle.

Is celibacy that Jesus has in view.

Our struggle with marriage.

Our struggle with singleness.

And then thirdly we come to God's remedy for singleness.

Can we see that in verse 12?

For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth.

And there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men.

And there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

That the one who is able to receive this, receive it.

Again look at verse 6.

So those who are married are no longer two but one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.

This passage is teaching us.

Sorry, let me just...

It's important that I get my notes in the right order.

We'll go with them as they are.

This passage is teaching us that God's remedy, his provision of singleness,

comes in the form of one or two distinct gifts.

God's remedy for singleness comes in the form of one or two gifts.

And you've either got one or the other.

And they are specifically mentioned in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

1 Corinthians 7 verse 7 if you want the reference.

1 Corinthians 7:7

Paul says,

We need to say that the gift of singleness is an exceptional thing.

An exceptional thing.

It seems to me that that is an unmistakable implication of what Jesus is saying here.

He says all cannot accept this.

This saying of singleness.

But only to those whom it has been given.

Just notice how, in passing, how structured Matthew's gospel is.

The flow is balanced.

He says, isn't he, there's permanence in marriage.

That's the creation norm with one exception, sexual immorality.

And now he says that marriage itself is the creation norm with only three exceptions.

And he mentions in verse 12 those to whom it has been given.

Of course, in the eunuchs.

Verse 12.

That is, they've received a special ability to remain in an unmarried state.

The word eunuch literally means an emasculated man.

Jesus is using the word literally in one of the examples at least.

And he's also using it metaphorically.

And it refers to men and women in an unmarried state.

So let's look at the exceptions.

Exception number one.

Can you see verse 12?

For there are eunuchs who have been thus from their mother's womb.

From birth.

The words of one commentator says, and this refers to,

Those so constituted that they are free from sexual desires.

Another commentator says,

Those who are physiologically incapable of procreation.

The other exception he says, are eunuchs made by men.

And again, there he's referring to literally eunuchs.

And we mean them over and over again in the Bible.

It was very common in ancient times.

For them to be courtiers with the king's harim.

And then exception number three,

Is eunuchs who've made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

And so unlike the first two categories,

The last category is those who've voluntarily chosen the unmarried state for the sake of serving the church.

The kingdom of heaven.

The NIV literally says,

Those who've renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven.

So think there of the Apostle Paul.

Let me read to you what he says.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and verse 22.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

For he who is called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedom.

Is a freed man of the Lord.

Likewise, he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ.

That's the wrong verse which is typical.

Chapter 7 verse 12.

To the rest I say, nigh not the Lord.

That if any brother is a wife, you'll tell him.

That's not the wrong verse as well.

Oh, it's annoying when this happens.

Just talk amongst yourselves for a moment.

Alright.

And we will get there.

We will get there.

What I'm trying to say,

It's always the problem isn't it?

When you're looking at it,

When you're in front of all these people,

That you can't find it.

What Paul is saying is,

Is that he is a single man,

Who is able to serve the Lord,

In an undistracted way.

He chose for the sake of the kingdom of heaven,

To be a eunuch,

To be a single man.

He is not suggesting,

That one is preferable to the other.

He is saying simply,

These are different burdens,

That are borne by different statuses.

And so the gift of singleness,

Is an exceptional thing.

It exists only in the exception.

And we have to say,

We have to say,

That the gift of singleness,

Is really the gift of celibacy.

The very nature,

Of the first two eunuchs,

That Jesus mentions here,

Is a physiological inability,

Or perhaps a temperamental,

Disinclination,

For sex,

For what,

This one flesh kind of intimacy.

And the third,

Is a special gift,

Of self-control,

Over these desires.

In order to devote oneself,

To the work of the Lord.

It's something that's been given to them.

So to summarise,

It should not be assumed,

It should not be assumed,

That because a man or woman,

Remain unmarried,

That there's something wrong with them.

It's absolutely not.

There may be one of these,

Lawful exceptions.

And they are content to be said.

But if you are not,

One of these exceptions,

This morning,

God's remedy,

For singleness,

Is not for you to try,

And squeeze yourself,

Into one of these,

Three exceptions,

Unlawfully.

The classic example,

Is,

Is,

The vow of celibacy,

That the Roman Catholic,

Church priests,

Have to make.

For their clergy to take,

Most do not have the gift,

Of singleness.

And we've seen what happens,

When that takes place.

You can look at,

Westminster,

Louser,

Catholicism,

Question 39,

I read it to you,

But it'll get too long.

We must make a rigid law,

Of how long you are,

To remain unmarried.

Some will,

Choose to marry later in life,

Because of circumstances,

Or they've not found the person,

It's none of our business.

We're not to assume,

That something is wrong,

In that situation.

Each must apply,

The principle,

To his or her own situation.

So let me say,

If this first remedy,

The gift of singleness,

As you see this expounded,

Does not apply to you,

Then the second one must.

And the second remedy,

Is the gift of marriage,

It is the more,

Common gift.

I've been aware,

That as I've prepared this,

This week,

That some of you,

Will not agree with this.

And you'll think,

Well I don't fit,

I don't fit with these,

Three exceptions,

Jesus is listening,

But I'm still single,

And what am I to do?

Jesus in the context,

Has already told people,

What to do.

Verse 5,

It is to get married,

For this reason,

A man shall leave his father,

And his mother,

And hold fast for his wife,

And the two,

Should become one flesh.

And I'm not looking at you,

Because I know,

Some of you will be thinking,

That's really easy,

For you to say,

It's easy for you to say,

Somebody who is married,

To a single person,

Just go and get married then.

And you don't know my story,

And you don't know my struggles,

And this sounds cruel.

And it may be,

That those who are single this morning,

Who have found no marriage joy,

It may be that this,

It's not through a lack of trying.

And so the remaining time,

I want to try and be practical,

As I finish.

Let me first of all,

Speak to Christian singles.

How can you respond,

To what's quite a difficult sermon?

First of all,

Pray.

And pray for a godly spouse.

I'm sure you're doing that already.

Proverbs 20 verse 6 says,

Proverbs 20:6

Many a man,

Proclaims his own steadfast love,

But a faithful man,

Who can find?

Do I hear an amen,

From the single women?

Who can find?

For Proverbs 31 verse 10,

Proverbs 31:10

Who can find a virtuous wife?

Do I hear an amen,

From the single men?

Who can find them?

Who can find them?

But doesn't that tell you,

God can.

It's not wrong to pray to God,

That he might bless you,

With this gift of marriage.

That's not all we pray for,

Is it?

We pray for contentment,

In the meantime.

Apostle Paul said,

I have learned,

In whatever state I am,

To be content.

And Paul was single,

And he must have learned,

To be content with that,

Among many other things.

And we all know,

Don't we,

In Christian experience,

That contentment,

Is only learned,

In seasons,

When we're deprived,

Of something,

Isn't it?

When we're deprived,

Of some good thing,

It's then,

That we learn,

Contentment.

So let me ask,

Each one of you,

Do you believe,

That your father in heaven,

Loves you?

And that your father in heaven,

Knows what is best for you?

And that your father in heaven,

Has things to teach you,

In this season of life?

It is very,

Very common,

In church life,

For the quest of marriage,

To become an idol.

And you and I,

We have a greater,

Priority to our spiritual husband,

The Lord Jesus Christ.

And the Bible tells us,

That God has given us,

As the sufficient grace,

For whatever he calls us,

To.

And God's grace,

Is made perfect,

In our weakness.

And God may wisely,

Have put some of you,

This morning,

In a difficult,

And a disappointing situation,

For a season,

And for a reason.

But it's not an impossible one.

And we need to ask ourselves,

Don't we,

Whatever circumstances,

We find ourselves in the morning,

This morning,

Whether it's marriage,

Or maybe work difficulties,

We need to ask ourselves,

What is God teaching me,

In this time,

What is God teaching me,

In this time,

In this time,

Psalm 34,

Psalms 34:10

Verse 10,

Says this,

Those who seek the Lord,

Shall not lack,

Any good thing,

Those who seek the Lord,

Shall not lack,

Any good thing,

And so,

If the Lord,

Is withholding,

Something,

From you,

It's for your good,

And do you believe,

That there are,

Even greater goods,

Than you being,

Currently married,

And if he's withheld,

This particular good,

For a season,

Well he's got something,

To teach us,

And some work,

For us to do,

Which otherwise,

Would be impossible,

Pray for a godly spouse,

Seek the Lord,

And you will not,

Lack any good thing,

Secondly,

Prepare for a godly spouse,

Pray and prepare,

There are various things,

That the Bible encourages you to do,

What do we say,

About the characteristics,

The Bible has a lot to say,

About the characteristics,

Of a godly husband,

Nor a godly wife,

Thrive to be that person,

Seek after that,

I've seen people,

Put their Christian faith,

On hold,

While they look,

For the person,

Of their dreams,

They pursue that idol,

And perhaps in your case,

There's lots of growth,

And grace,

And maturity needed,

Before God will,

Entrust to you,

The person he wants you to marry,

1 Thessalonians,

1 Thessalonians 4 · chapter mention

Chapter 4,

And verse 3,

For this is the will of God,

To your sanctification,

That you abstain,

From sexual immorality,

That each of you know,

How to take a wife,

For himself,

In holiness and honour,

A wife,

Or a husband,

For yourself,

In holiness and honour,

The single life,

Of the Christian,

Is a celibate life,

It's better to marry,

Than to burn,

If that's the case,

Then it's better to avoid anything,

Than inflame for burning,

And there's far too many Christians,

Make the struggle worse,

By pouring fuel on the fire,

One more thing,

Use appropriate means,

God is sovereign,

Isn't he?

And anyone who's married,

To you this morning,

Or has been married,

Can testify to God's sovereignty,

In bringing us together,

With our spouses,

But at the same time,

God is the one,

That uses means,

For that end,

And there is a real need,

For conscience,

And private judgment,

When it comes to the issue,

Of daughter,

Dating and courtship,

Proverbs 18,

Proverbs 18:22

Verse 22 says,

He who finds a wife,

Finds a good thing,

And obtains favour,

From the Lord,

And the implication there is,

If you're going to find something,

You'll be looking for it,

You've got to seek,

That's a good thing to do,

Prayer,

Yes,

Well people think,

Well God will answer prayer,

And somehow,

Mr or Mrs right,

Will just drop down,

On a Sunday morning,

God uses means,

God places the onus,

Doesn't he,

On the single men,

Let's not forget verse 5,

For this reason,

A man shall leave,

His father and mother,

Take the initiative,

And be joined,

To his wife,

You need to be wise,

In your choice of venues,

There's lots of places,

You can go to meet singles,

But they're not wise,

Go to the places,

Where you'll meet,

The right kind of person,

And not only the guys,

And to be proactive in this,

Do you remember,

Naomi,

Godly Naomi,

Saying to Ruth,

Ruth 3:2

Chapter 3,

Verse 2 and 3,

Listen to that,

Practical wisdom,

Where she says,

Ruth,

Go to the threshing floor,

She says,

Boaz is winnowing,

Barley tonight,

At the threshing floor,

There wash yourself,

Anoint yourself,

Pull on your best dress,

And get down,

To the threshing floor,

That's good advice,

Isn't it?

There's bits of the story,

Of Ruth,

I wouldn't recommend,

As well,

But when you read that,

Boaz is not put off,

By her pushiness,

He says to Ruth,

All the people in my town,

Know that you are,

A virtuous woman,

Here's a single woman,

With a godly reputation,

There's no danger,

Of her intent,

Being misconstrued,

What are today's,

Threshing floors,

It takes wisdom,

Doesn't it?

It takes discretion,

Church events,

Conferences,

Online dating sites,

I don't think they're wrong,

I think you have to come to,

Your own conscience on it,

You need to be wise,

And there are,

There are issues with it,

It's a wisdom call,

Isn't it?

Be discerning,

Use the venues,

That God has supplied,

In a God honouring way,

And so if you're single,

Pray for a godly spouse,

Prepare for a godly spouse,

And use discretion,

Now let me step on the toes,

Of the congregation,

There are two dangers out there,

Well there's probably more,

Than two dangers,

That we can make,

As a congregation,

But the first is,

Unnecessary meddling,

And we need to learn,

To be sensitive,

To our single brothers,

And sisters,

It is usually,

Not very helpful,

To give a guy,

A nudge,

And say,

Listen,

Why are you not getting married,

Look at all these girls,

That's not helpful,

As if they'd never,

Thought of that before,

You need to pray for them,

You need to avoid,

Being a matchmaker,

Unless you've,

They're expressed,

Permission to do so,

1 Thessalonians,

1 Thessalonians 4:11

Chapter 4,

Verse 11,

Make it your ambition,

To lead a quiet life,

And mind your own business,

According to the NIV,

The danger,

Of unnecessary meddling,

And finally,

The danger,

Of unnecessary hindering,

There are some churches,

And some parents,

That place,

Impossible obstacles,

In the way,

Of singles,

Books,

That are written,

Where there's great rules,

About dating,

And courting,

Which are just not,

In the Bible,

There are certain boundaries,

We know that,

To be kept,

But churches,

Kind of iron boundaries,

Where there's so much,

So little,

Normal interaction,

Between men,

And women,

That actually,

There are very few,

Healthy venues,

For singles to meet,

Loads of our student churches,

In the UK now,

Have single sex,

Bible studies,

As a kind of law,

And they're all,

On kind of either side,

It's a bit on the mosque,

And when I spoke,

At one of these things,

I said,

Why are all the boys,

On one table,

All the girls on table,

Because the boys,

And the girls,

Get distracted,

Doing the Bible study,

By each other,

It's total madness,

Total madness,

There is a place,

For single sex,

Bible study groups,

But actually,

We need to have,

Our young people,

And us as a church family,

Interacting,

With one another,

Learning,

To deal with one another,

In a godly,

And brotherly,

And sisterly kind of way,

And not deprive them,

Of opportunities for each,

Let everything be done decently,

In order,

And above reproach,

The Pharisees,

Remember,

They wanted limited permission,

They took that limited permission,

And they said,

Let's get divorced,

The disciples,

Take limited permission,

And they say,

Well,

Let's stay single,

Both errors,

Are alive and well today,

And so whatever state,

We find ourselves in this morning,

Let's pray,

That we would bring glory to God,

In whatever calling,

He's brought us to,

And may we honour Him,

And may we thank Him,

And may we seek His will,

For our lives,

All our days,

Let's pray,

Let's pray,