Do You Love Me?

Let's look at John 21 verses 15 through 25 S This happens

John 21:15–25

immediately after or this is what's happening after they are

eating breakfast. So it says when they had

finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, son of

John, do you love me more than these?

He said to him, yes, Lord, you know that I love you.

He said to him, Feed my lambs. He said to him a second time,

Simon son of John, do you love me?

And he said to him, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.

And he said to him, Tend my sheep.

And he said to him a third time, Simon son of John, do you love

me? Peter was grieved because he had

said to him a third time, Do you love me?

And Peter said to him, Lord, you know everything.

You know that I love you, Jesus said to him, Feed my sheep.

Then Jesus says this truly, truly.

I say to you, when you were young you used to dress yourself

and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old you will

stretch out your hands and another will dress you and carry

you where you do not want to go. And there's a parenthesis and it

says this. He said to show by what kind of

death Peter was to glorify God. And after saying this, he said

to him, follow me. So you have this part.

And nine times out of 10 when this text is used, this is where

we stop. Listen to the rest.

Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved

following them, the one who had also leaned back against him

during the supper and had said, Lord, who is it going to betray

you? And when Peter saw him, he said

to Jesus, Lord, what about this man?

Jesus said to him, If it is my will that he remain until I

come, what is that to you? You follow me.

So the sayings spread abroad among the brothers that the this

disciple was not was not to die. Yet Jesus did say, or did not

say to him that he was not to die.

But if it is my will that he remain until I come, what is

that to you? This, this is the disciple who

is bearing witness about these things and who has written these

things. And we know that his testimony

is true. Now there are also many things

that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be

written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain

the books that would be written. And this is indeed the word of

the Lord. Let's pray, Father this morning,

help us to focus. Help us to be.

At attention, help us to be wide eyed as we dive into your word

further. It's your name we pray.

Amen. Friendship takes work.

Some people are able to make friends quickly, some not.

Some are able to retain friends easily, others not so much.

Some seem to have hundreds of friends or thousands of

followers. Others may be one or two close

ones. Some make time for these things

to develop. Others are burdened by the

tyranny of the urgent. Either way, it isn't the easiest

time to make friends anymore. There are so many contributing

factors these days as to why or why not.

So here's a couple of truths about friendship.

Number one, friendship takes time.

It's estimated that for someone to move from a casual

acquaintance into a casual friendship, it takes about 40 to

60 hours. Next step.

It takes somewhere between 80 and 100 hours to move from a

casual friendship to like the reciprocal friendship.

And finally, to hit bestie status, you need to be about 200

hours in deep. So friendship takes time.

Now here's what's interesting. Did you know that if you move

from one place to another, it takes you three to five years to

become established in that place?

How many of you have never left Pittsburgh?

Raise your hand. How many of you have come from

somewhere else? Would you agree with me that it

took a while to get acquainted? It took a while to get plugged

in. It took a while to find doctors.

It took a while to do all those things.

If you go to a new church, it takes the same amount of time.

Think about that. It takes three to five years to

get established in a new church. But here's the thing, most

people don't wait that long. Most people, if they go to a new

church, the clock is ticking between 6 and 18 months for them

to get connected, for them to become a part of things, to meet

new people and all that other kinds of stuff.

Why do you think that is? Because friendship takes time.

Next, friendship takes investment.

I think a lot of us would say that we have friends.

Even fewer of us would say that we have really good friends.

And I think a minority of us would say that we actually have

one really good best friend. We might even all have different

criteria for what that looks like or how somebody might fit

into those categories. But generally, I think it's

pretty true. You might consider proximity as

the number one factor in your friendship.

That's my friend from work, or that's my neighbor, or that's so

and so you might consider the level of friendship, intimacy,

how well you know somebody, the best indicator of that.

Or you might consider a shared interest.

We play fantasy football. Either way, however you slice

it, there is a degree of investment that is necessary to

make it happen and to keep it going.

Growing up, I never really had a best friend.

I had a lot of people that I knew.

I knew a lot of people that knew me, but I never really had a

best friend until I met Matthew. And Matthew was the child of one

of my dad's work friends. And so we did all kinds of stuff

together, right? And then when I was 12, Matthew

moved right when I needed a best friend the most entering middle

school because you change schools at that point.

My best friend goes to Virginia. And back then we didn't have

cell phones and the Internet was a pipe dream.

So the connection and everything that we had was person to

person. Or at least at that point you

couldn't e-mail, you know, what's 12 year old going to do

with the e-mail at that point? But either way, friendless.

And so I go along for a period of time and I don't really have

a best friend per SE until I go to college.

And one of the things that you might, you might have observed

is at college you spend a lot of time with people and you have a

roommate and you have people on your floor and all that kind of

stuff. And over the course of time

during like that first semester at college, still no, no best

friend. But then there's a guy named

Connor who transferred in from Robert Morris, and he was living

up in the apartments. And we ended up being in the

same major, became friends. And then we decided, hey, next

year we'll do roomies and that'll be great.

And so Connor and I are set up to be roommates and probably for

the first month I annoyed him terribly because I would just

constantly skip through songs and never finish a song on my,

on my desktop Win Amp player. If you had Win Amp, you know

what I'm talking about. And I annoyed him.

But then somewhere around Thanksgiving, I wore him down

and we have been best friends ever since.

And I would say in my life, I have a lot of friends.

I have a lot of good friends. I have only really one best

friend. And so friendship takes time, it

takes investment, but it also takes risk.

Knowing that friendship takes time and investment, we are

inherently putting ourselves at risk.

Risk of disappointment, risk of vulnerability, risk of denial,

risk of betrayal. Risk of it all falling apart.

But risk is also a good thing. Risk also comes with reward.

Being understood, being heard, being loved, being protected and

supported. Time, investment, risk.

It also takes sacrifice. There's an understanding that in

order for us to gain something, usually we also have to be

willing to lose something else or give up something for the

benefit of a friendship. This is where words and actions

are so very important. It's one thing for us to say

that we would do anything for someone, it's a complete other

to actually do that anything for them, even when it costs us.

And today we are going to look at all of these things wrapped

up in the conversation between Peter and Jesus, some friends

who were out to breakfast. Now I personally would never

meet anyone to eat a breakfast of fish, but that's just me.

But let's eavesdrop a little bit in and hear what they're talking

about. South, back to verse 15.

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon

Peter, Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?

He said to him, yes, Lord, you know that I love you.

And that conversation plays out. Here's a couple of quick

observations. Number one, Jesus waited to

finish after they were done eating before he had the DTR.

That's called the defining the relationship talk.

This is pretty courteous of Jesus to do so, especially since

no one's no one likes seeing people talk with their mouths

full of fish. And Jesus addresses Peter as

Simon, son of John. That's like pulling out the

middle name when you're trying to get one of your kids

attention. This would also get the

attention of everybody else who's sitting there.

Which were who? A bunch of other disciples, all

eyes on Simon Peter now. And Jesus asked him, Do you love

me more than these guys do? If I were a disciple, I'd go

What? What is it, Peter?

You love Jesus more than I do? Now, before we know that Peter

did in fact claim to love Jesus more than everyone else did we

know that Peter said I would die for you?

Yet Jesus asked him, Jesus uses the word agapas twice.

Agapas is the kind of is kind of like the giving unselfish kind

of love. Peter, however, in his first

response, uses the word phileo. And that's like saying Jesus,

yeah, no, I'm your friend. Jesus says, are you my friend?

And, and Peter says, yeah, yeah, we're buds, we're buds.

So Jesus asked, the second time being more pointed, removing the

comparison. And Peter gives a similar

answer. Yeah, we're cool.

This sets the stage for the final ask, not just for the

purpose of reinstating him in front of everyone.

Because if you remember, how many times did Peter dismiss

Jesus? Thrice.

So it's by no stretch of the imagination that Jesus is

playing on that dismissal with this reinstatement.

But we see that Jesus genuinely cares for Peter and was trying

to help Peter get to the root of the matter this third time when

Jesus asked Simon, son of John, do you love me?

Peter becomes noticeably grieved.

So imagine at that point Peter may have heard a rooster crow in

his mind. Jesus didn't ask Peter, hey, are

you sorry for what you did? Hey, you really, you really kind

of threw me under the bus or hey, will you pinky swear that

you will never do this again? Now Jesus digs in and he leans

in and he says, Peter, do you love me?

Luckily, Peter finally gets it. And we know that because Peter

answers Jesus with the word that Jesus uses.

He doesn't soften it up, He doesn't downplay it.

He goes one for one. Yes, you know all things, you

know that I love you. But is that all?

No, it's not. There's a couple things I

skipped. Did you catch them?

I'm pulling them out specifically because of what

they mean. So each time Peter answers

Jesus, Jesus also says something back.

And the first time he said feed my lambs.

The second time it was tend my sheep and the last time it was

feed my sheep. These responses from Jesus

should show us that it is not mere words that he is looking

for. Remember, it's one thing to say,

it's another thing to do it. So Jesus says, if this is true,

if you love me, then feed my lambs.

If this is true and you really love me, then tend my sheep.

And if you are really serious about this, Peter, feed my

sheep, because you will show your love for me by the way that

you care for them. And if you say this and you

believe this, then you need to go and show this.

And this is where we usually stop.

Isn't that wonderful? Peter is reinstated.

It's a beautiful story, but it takes a real awkward turn

because in just a few moments, what Jesus says next, it's

actually the purpose of this whole reinstatement all

together. When Jesus says truly, truly, I

say to you, when you were young you used to dress yourself and

went and walked wherever you wanted.

But when you were old, you will stretch out your hands and

another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.

Jesus says if this is true, be prepared to suffer.

When we are invited into relationship with Jesus, it does

not mean that everything is sunshine and rainbows because

love takes time, it takes investment, it takes risk, and

it takes sacrifice. If you love me, you will follow

me even to the end, just like Peter.

Peter claimed that he would do so we get the promise that he

will indeed have to do what he claimed.

What happens next is even more interesting, and I've never

heard anyone talk about it when we get to when we use this

passage. So they're now moving and Peter

turns around and sees the disciple whom Jesus loved, which

John always likes to flaunt his his standing with Jesus.

If you didn't realize, this was John 21, so you know he's

flexing a little bit. The disciple whom Jesus loved

followed them, the one who had also leaned back against him

during the supper and had said, Lord, who is it that is going to

betray you? And so Peter looks back and sees

John and goes, Lord, what about this guy?

If I'm going to suffer, what about the one that you really

love or that is beloved? And this is what Jesus says, If

it is my will that he remain until I come, What is that to

you, Peter? Do you love me?

Feed my lambs? What is that to you?

It's like Peter couldn't even focus for a minute.

No wonder why he started to sink into the sea.

He's worried about what others are doing and just when we think

Peter has this moment of clarity, once again he gets

caught up on what others are doing.

Jesus answer here is pretty hilarious to me, and it reminds

me of times when I'm talking to one of my kids and instead of

them understanding the correction or the consequence

that's due to them, they go, well hey, what about Emmett?

What about, what about Harvey, What about Nolan?

To which I usually reply, what's that got to do with it?

Channeling the words of Jesus? And the funnier part still is

that you and I do this all the time.

What about them? They're not serving in kids.

What about them? I don't see them put anything in

the offering plate. What about them?

What about them? What about them?

So friendship takes time, it takes investment, it takes risk,

it takes sacrifice, and it takes ownership.

As we have just observed in this conversation with Jesus and

Peter, we are ultimately responsible for the

relationships that we have. They are not anyone else's

responsibility other than our own.

I am not responsible for how your friendships work, and you

are not responsible for mine. But often times we are prone,

like Peter, to incorrectly implicate others in our status

of relationships, to potentially blame others for the

expectations and the thoughts that we have about how things

should be. Jesus is very clear to Peter.

What is it to you? And basically what he's saying

is Peter lock in, pay attention, follow me, do not worry about

anyone else. Last but not least, friendship

requires forgiveness. I don't think Peter goes on to

do the things that he does. If Jesus doesn't forgive him so

well. And if you will currently have a

friendship that is on the back burner, one that is on the

rocks, one that is laying out to dry, then perhaps it's time for

you to feed some sheep. If you owe someone an apology,

if you've been a ghost, if you need to reconcile with someone,

it is perhaps time for you to tend some sheep.

Perhaps you've been wronged. Perhaps you've been betrayed.

Perhaps you've been denied. Perhaps you need to make the

first move in the reconciliation process and feed some sheep.

Get on the phone, get in the car, get face to face.

Do what it takes. Invest your time, take the risk,

make the sacrifice, own it and forgive just as Jesus has

forgiven us. Let's pray.

Lord, we thank You that you are so long-suffering.

We thank You that your forgiveness is not based upon

our merits. We thank You that not only do

you give us an example of what it means to be a true friend,

but also a brother and a father. Lord, as we go out the out of

this place in a little while and and and go out into the world

where we have relationships all over the place, help us to take

an inventory. Are there any relationships that

we have that need to be fixed? Because it's really hard to

follow you when we are distracted.

It's really hard to follow you when we have a grudge.

It's really hard to follow you if we are not doing the things

that you first did for us. And we pray by the power of Your

Holy Spirit that You would give us opportunities and soft hearts

as we look to live and be your children.

Amen.