FIT Conference 2025: Parents As Allies, Not Enemies

All right, our last session is parents as allies, not enemies.

So go ahead and turn there, if you will.

And I'm going to kind of go a little bit quicker with this one

because of the times I'm going to try to do a hard stop at 3:00

here so that we can make sure that we get you ready.

And obviously our church is not going to look like this

tomorrow, so we've got to get the building ready for tomorrow

as well. But there's a there's a

standoff, it says at the top of your lesson, there's a standoff

that can often take place in children's ministries, whether

dealing with special needs children or not.

So again, this is universal. This isn't just talking about

special needs children, but I would say this is certainly

heightened when dealing with special needs families.

Nobody knows the classroom as well as the teacher.

Nobody knows the classroom as well as the teacher.

I think that's in arguable the I would not go to Cassandra, I

would not go to Diane and say, let me tell you what your

classroom is like between 10:00 and noon.

And they'd say, well, listen, you're standing behind that

pulpit between 10:00 and noon with adults who aren't talking

back to you for the most part, so you probably don't know

what's going on. What do the teachers know?

They know the classroom schedule.

They know the subject matter being taught.

They know the classroom as a whole, meaning this.

They know how Johnny reacts to Susie, who reacts to Sally, who

reacts to Billy. They know how all of these

characters work together and the teacher has the experience that

the teacher brings to the table. So the parent does not

understand the experience of the teacher.

They don't know what conferences you've been to, the books you've

been reading, the study you've been doing, how many years you

have been teaching. They just do not know those

types of things. But also, on the other hand,

nobody knows the child as well as the parent.

Nobody knows the child as well as the parent.

We might think we know a child who is in our classroom, but

listen, you cannot know the child as well as the parent

knows the child. Like what?

Well, the child's abilities, the child's abilities, the child's

weaknesses, their child's past issues at church or in a

classroom and their behaviors. The child's abilities, their

child's weaknesses, their child's past issues at church or

in a classroom, and their behaviors.

So you've got basically, if you will, two different experts at

odds with one another. The one who is in the classroom,

nobody knows the classroom better than the teacher, the

parent, nobody knows the child better than the parent.

So there's going to be this natural tension that's there a

little bit. And this is one of the questions

we get the most often is one of the questions we just dealt with

a few moments ago. How do you deal with that

natural tension between the one who is actually running the

special needs ministry or helping the special needs mini

ministry and the parent who has their child in that ministry?

Well, this requires A delicate balance in dealing with special

needs parents. We quoted this in our split

session a little while ago. Matthew 1016 Be there for wise

as serpents and a harmless as doves.

Be therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

A special needs parent can be your best friend, but they can

also be difficult to work with, especially when they're being

unreasonable. Can I tell you what line I had

there first? Can I tell you what I really

wrote? And my wife said that it wasn't

smart for me to, to, to put it there.

And I, and she's right, but I'm going to say it anyway because I

could say it with context. She was hoping I keep moving.

A special needs parent can be your best friend, but they can

also be a nightmare. That's what I originally wrote.

Diane says you can't write that. I said, well, I can't write it,

but I could say it. All right, We're special needs

parents. We can say it.

All right, listen, I'm just saying, listen, you understand

that there can be that tension that's so thick and so hard that

it's like this is a relationship that just is not working.

I'm not saying that person is a nightmare.

I'm just saying that that relationship can very well turn

into a nightmare, especially as we're going to see in a moment

if that special needs parent is being unreasonable.

Now, we need to be careful when we assess whether someone is

being unreasonable or not. But I will say this, just

because you're a special needs parent doesn't give you carte

blanche to be able to demand anything, to say anything or

listen listen to this. Or to think that you're above

critiques, criticisms, or someone else giving you advice

about your child if they give it in the right spirit.

And it becomes a nightmare scenario when you are the expert

on your own child. But as the expert on your own

child, you don't listen to any other voices because you are the

only one that has perspective. Again, I don't believe that God

created the church to be that way.

We saw from First Corinthians chapter 12 that we all have

1 Corinthians 12 · chapter mention

something to offer. We all have something to gain.

We're to bear you one another's burdens.

We're also see that we are to offer correction to one another

if it comes in the right spirit. And so we want to be careful.

See, that wasn't so bad. And was it the nightmare part?

That was good, wasn't it said we'll talk about that when we

get home. But anyway.

But no, I and again, I feel like I can say that because we're on

the inside being able to say that.

And I could see it myself if I'm not careful to be able to treat

other people like that. Well, you don't know my son.

You don't know what we're dealing with.

You don't know what kind of stresses we have.

Well, OK, but that doesn't give me just the ability to blow

everyone off or blow up at everybody because I am a special

needs parent or we are special needs parents.

A special needs parent could be your best friend or read that

we're not going through that again.

Underneath that, perhaps are there unreasonable in their

request for accommodations? It could be unreasonable in

their request for accommodations.

Perhaps unreasonable in their request to look the other way

with bad behaviors. Remember we talked about the

parents who basically said to the pastor, listen, I know my

son is touching these women and these girls in inappropriate

ways, but really you need to lay off about that.

And the answer is you're being unreasonable in that expectation

to be able to say that because that is not something that we're

going to promote. We're not saying that he has any

kind of malice in his heart that he's doing those things.

We're not trying to say that he is attempting to do something in

violation of these women. But the fact remains, he is

violating the privacy of those women.

And it does need to be addressed.

And we want to address it biblically, lovingly and

caringly. And so yes, they can be

unreasonable. We can be unreasonable in that

way because I again, I want to put myself in that group that we

our special needs parents and the third one there perhaps

unreasonable in their expectations of you in the

classroom. They could be unreasonable in

their expectations of you in the classroom as well, what they're

looking for you to do. And again, to be clear, special

needs parents do not have the right to be unreasonable.

Special needs parents must also be team players.

And remember that the teacher has a great many students that

they must give an account for. A pastor must account for

everyone within the flock. A teacher must account for

everyone in the classroom. Now that includes your child,

but that also includes all the other children as well and how

they mix together. And so we must make sure that

we're thinking of everybody and a special needs parent.

And again, I don't know who's watching this or listening to

this later. So I'm not just talking to the

people in the room by any stretch of the imagination.

But we do not have the right a special needs parents to be able

to make lists of demands and tell the pastor, tell the

teacher this is the way that it is.

We are not above critique, criticism.

And again, but we shouldn't be able to be prodded and poked and

pushed along a little bit in the right way.

A JS very first developmental pre pediatrician.

I'm pretty sure she was in the military, maybe the German

military, I'm not sure, all things considered.

So sorry, I mean, I just lost some of you.

I'm not sure. But if we weren't ready for our

meetings when we got together, we would see her about every six

months. I mean, she would she would just

kind of really give it to us to the point where I felt like she

was being a little bit mean, a little bit rude.

Can I tell you she was just what we needed.

She was just what we needed for such a time as this.

Now, do I believe that maybe she had the best demeanor?

Maybe not. But I would tell you this, she

did what she did out of love and care.

And in fact, we we dedicated placed a dedication to her in

the back of our first book, sent it to her.

She was already retired. She sent us a beautiful letter

back thanking us because we needed Doctor Altman when we had

her. And so listen, just because

we're special needs parents doesn't mean that we shouldn't

listen. Well, you don't understand what

I they may not understand, but their understanding comes from a

different realm that you might need to hear.

So, but do keep this in mind, a special session of these parents

are so used to fighting with medical professionals, educators

and therapists that they might just fight you to as a reflex.

If I could tell you how long we talked to doctors and some of

you that have major health issues that cross several

different specialties, you understand this.

But AJ has all different types of therapists and doctors, his

team of people that he could see at any given time, somewhere

around 11:50, professionals long.

And when he was with the Tufts Floating hospital and it closed

down about 3 or 4 years ago, Tufts Hospital remains, but

their children's program was basically shrunk down to almost

nothing but just a few core doctors and everyone was just

about transferred to Boston Children's.

Well, we wanted AJ to stay with the doctors because we like the

doctors. Well, that means that he now up

until recently had a doctor in Worcester at U Mass General and

he had a doctor at Hasbro that was in North Lincoln, RI.

He had a doctor in Boston at BMC.

And he has a doctor that he sees in Brockton, which is the

closest one, which is right around the corner.

And those are the specialists that he sees on a fairly regular

basis. And just trying to get the, the,

the paperwork moved around, that took about six months forever.

Oh, it's easy on the portal. You just click it and all that.

Well, listen, I don't know what your deal with the portal is,

but I know about this. Life was easier when they had

all my stuff in a Manila folder and the only thing you worried

about was a fire. You know what I'm saying?

And now these portals, and now we have special needs child in

the Massachusetts. We don't have the right to

access to his files once he's thirteen years old.

All of that, all that goes back, all of that goes back to the

issues of young women or girls being pregnant and having

decisions about abortions and things that parents have no

right in the state to know about, which is wicked and

carnal. But we have to get special

permissions just to be able to have the information we need to

be able to have for him. It's incredible.

So you're fighting this all the time and then someone in church

comes up to you, maybe has a little bit of an attitude or you

just think they're having a little bit of attitude.

And your special needs parent, you're like, come on, let's go.

You know, let's go. You know, see, now you know why

we're nightmares, right? So no, but I'm just saying you

get used to it, you know, and it's not so.

So what I'm saying is even if you have a special needs parent,

you feel like being a little bit unreasonable, understand where

they're coming from. Just just understand the thought

process doesn't make it right, but understand it's almost like

a reflex. Romans 12/18 as much if it be

possible, as much as life in you live peaceably with all men.

And again, as much as life in you means both parties have to

want that. And sometimes the other party

doesn't want it, right? But as much as life in you, you

be a peace seeker. So what are some practical ways?

And we're going to talk about this for about the next 20

minutes. What are some practical ways you

can make an ally of a special needs parent?

Because people ask us all the time, how can I get them on my

side? How can we talk to them?

How can we make them understand? How can we make them see?

How can we make them know that we are on their side and that

we're not against them? Well, there's some very, I mean,

we're talking about nuts and bolts for a practical ways you

can do this. First of all, listen to them.

Just listen to them. Especially these parents have

people lecturing them, talking to them all the time.

And usually it's not always in a great context because AJ can't

tell us certain things. We have to have people tell us

what AJ is doing all the time. So everybody's reporting to us

all the time. AJ's teacher every day has to

send us an e-mail home, sometimes 2 emails, sometimes 3

emails about what's going on during the day, what's coming up

during the week, what happened the last few days because I

can't have DJ come home and say, hey, how was school good?

And that's about it. And maybe I can get a little bit

more. And funnily enough, he will give

you sometimes a little bit more, but when he's done, he'll say

that's about it, That's about it.

I'm all done here, I'm all done, that's about it.

And so we're constantly receiving reports all the time.

But you know, we don't always have someone to be able that

listens to be able to say, so you want to have a special needs

pair, just say, say you want to talk to them.

They're used to being lectured. They're used to being given bad

news. Those are those first two lines.

They're used to being lectured. They're used to being given bad

news. Talk to them and listen to their

heart, their stresses, their fears, and their insights.

Just talk to them. I will tell you one of the best

things you can do in counseling, and I don't find myself to be an

exceptionally strong counselor. My wife is a much better

counselor than I am, but I don't find myself to be an exceptional

strong counselor. But I will tell you this, the

best move that you can make in counseling is probably listening

75% and talking about 25%. That's probably the sweet spot

somewhere in there. And when you're a pastor, as a

counselor, you just want to talk 75% and listen 25% because

that's what we do all the time. We talk right?

And we talk and we talk and we talk.

You know, if you just listen more, you get it right?

But listening, the old saying is true.

God gave us 2 ears and one mouth to remind us we probably should

listen twice as much as we talk. When dealing with a special

needs parent, just be willing to talk to go get a coffee with

them and say, I know you're struggling right now.

Do you want to talk about it? You know, maybe they don't want

to, but you still open the door. You still were, were showing

that you cared. And a lot of these

relationships, special needs families, typically they will

take time. Typically it'll take a while for

them to trust you. Typically it'll take a time for

for them to realize you have their best interests at heart.

Some people they're just all in right away.

Like I mentioned the gentleman that just came a couple weeks

ago with a special needs child that Dave 2 invited to to

church. I'm going to start calling you

guys. That's like thing one and thing

two. It's like Dave one, Dave 2, Dave

3, Dave 4, Dave 5, Dave the 5th, you know, it's just, I don't

know. But the, the, they came right

away. Joe was all in.

Like, I've been looking for this, I've been looking for

this. I'll drive, I'll drive 45

minutes if I have to. I've been looking for this.

A lot of times people are a little bit more standoffish.

So just talk, make an appointment.

We'll look at this in a moment. I mean so much about church

growth. And so, and I'm not talking

about church growth and numbers, but church growth in general is

about visitation, is about being in people's homes.

If you're a teacher, and I will say this, if you are a, a

teacher, you need to be in your students homes at least once or

twice a year to be able to talk to them.

You see, you'll be able to learn a lot by going in someone's

home. You'll be able to learn a lot by

seeing a lot about the life. And I don't know what your

church visitation program is. It's not my business.

Some people do it weekly, some people do it monthly, some just

do it more regularly. That's between you and the Lord.

But I will say this, if you want to be able to see real growth in

a ministry, just be in people's homes and talk to him to visit

with him. What do I say?

We're just saying, Hey, I, I try to visit all my students homes

once a year. Can I, can I come over and see

you? And I will tell you, you'll see

growth, not even necessary numbers, but just in the fact

that you're willing to go that sometimes they don't want that.

They may not like that. But maybe you could say, well,

maybe could we meet at Duncan? Maybe we can meet at at our

house. Those are things that you can

do. I would suggest if you're going

to have a good conversation with someone, don't go to Duncan.

I've made this mistake several times in my ministry and somehow

I keep making the same mistake because it's just so accessible.

But it's, if you go in the afternoon, it's probably fine.

But in the morning, there's so many people going in and out.

There's buzzers and beeps and boops and bops and all these

different things. And I was talking with a man who

had a very difficult problem and he also had a speech impediment,

an older man. And we were at Duncan and I felt

like I was just doing this most of the time, like Lord fill in

the gaps because I can't hear half of what he's saying.

And so, so be aware even with that, but just listen to them.

And again, it's, it's one of the many reasons why you should be

visiting the homes of your students.

It's one of the many reasons you should be visiting the homes of

your students. It's been hard for us to have

people in our home the last few years because of my wife's

health. It's been difficult because

sometimes we can make plans and we don't know how she'll be

feeling. And so it's hard.

But I've just kind of on my own, just if I can go visit somebody

or we can go different places. And sometimes we have been able

on holidays and different things to be able to do things or

people know that we invite them. And if we have to say no, that

that's OK too. We just do what we can, but I'll

tell, I tell you, you can't really forge good relationships

with the people in your church in just a small amount of time

that you have unless you can work on the outside and

especially if it's someone that comes on Sunday morning.

You got one hour a week and you probably are talking to them for

a total of a minute and a half. Just had that same couple I was

talking about with that child a little bit ago.

They just been coming on Sunday mornings for a while.

They made a decision a few weeks ago.

We need to be coming on Wednesday night too.

Been working with them for a while.

We need to be coming on Wednesday night.

And he told me this on Wednesday night.

He said I feel like my church loves me again.

But then he said this. He said, but it really wasn't

them, it was me because I wasn't around as much as he should be.

You know, they were here on Sunday mornings.

So when people are in that place, you compensate by trying

to get where they are and being where they are and pray that

over time they get back to where they need to be like this family

is. So listen to them.

Next, ask them the best ways to connect with their child.

Ask them the best ways to connect your child.

You know, you could try to figure out how to connect with

AJ on your own. And in fact, if you try, praise

the Lord, that's a blessing for us to watch that.

But you know, you could also, especially in a teaching

situation, talk to the parents. The parents will know what works

and what doesn't with a caveat, and we'll talk about that in a

moment. Allow them to share the ways

that their child will learn best and incorporate those into your

classroom. Allow them to share the ways

that their child learns best and incorporate those items into

your classroom. There's some things that you

could do in your classroom with AJ that would work very well.

There's some other things that might not.

You know, if you mentioned cats, you're probably going on a

tangent for a while. And so we got to be careful

about that. And so a parent would know that.

Learn what senses you can incorporate and which one should

be avoided. So Diane talked at length about

adapting the environment. Well, you might want to talk

with a parent ahead of time about sensory issues.

Maybe you notice that child in church is putting his hand over

his ears. Can you get can you get

earphones? Can you buy fidget spinners or

any type of fidget toys? Again, you can look at those on

Amazon. For 20 bucks, you can get a

bucket of probably 50 of them and all kinds of different

kinds. And it's funny because adults

like use them too when we hand them around, then they stop

listening to me and they're just like, you know, it's out.

Like that's it's not to help you ignore me.

It's to help you focus on me. That's that's how you know

whether you need them or not. If you're just doing it and

you're ignoring what's going on, you don't need it.

All right? If you're doing it, it helps you

focus. Like, OK, you needed that.

Remember when every gas station at fidget spinners like 6 or

seven years ago, they're like, Hey, these are great.

It's like they're actually a tool for for people, you know,

be like walking around crutches, Like, isn't this cool, man?

I got a crutch. It's like, do you need one?

No, but it's cool, man. It's, you know, it's like.

I don't think that's what it's for, just for anyone to just

grab it. But OK, I mean, that's cool.

Don't reinvent the wheel. Utilize any resources the

parents may have. You know what would be really

interesting to find out in a conversation with a parent?

That they use a PEC system and they have things that they want

to give you. Wait, you mean I don't have to

make all those things up? You may not because they might

have everything already. They might have the things that

you need, but you don't know that if you don't have a

conversation with them, but also understand this, remember that

that caveat, be prepared. The parents may not have all the

answers, especially the diagnosis is new.

In that case, be ready with some suggestions to try.

You might be. This is where it could get a

little tricky. You might think that you're

throwing a lifeline to a parent, but you could be throwing them

an anchor because they might be really new at this and like I, I

don't know, I don't know what to do.

So already have some suggestions ready.

Perhaps if that's the case, or if they don't know exactly what

to do, just let them know something like this.

It's what I do when people ask me a question about the Bible

that I don't know. The answer is I don't know that

I know the answer to that right now, but I'll find out for you.

You know, what do I do for a child that's dyslexic that just

comes in, I don't know, but I'm going to find out for you.

I'm going to work on that for you.

You know what happens and we feel like we have to have all

the answers right away. Listen, and that's because of

the society. I mean, even now with AI, people

get answers about anything within 10 seconds.

Like we thought search engines were quick.

I mean, search engines are slow compared to what AI is.

So everybody wants an answer right away.

But it may just be, hey, I don't know how to help your child.

It doesn't sound like you know what we should do right now, but

we're going to work on this together.

Again, parents understand and appreciate the heart of that.

OK, got to move faster. Got to move faster.

Allow them to see your child and classroom.

They shouldn't see their child. All right?

They already see their child. Allow them to see your church or

classroom on an off day. On an off day, if you have a

child, parents are a little bit hesitant about your junior

church. They're a little bit hesitant

about the space. Just say, you know, pastor will

probably let us come in on a Saturday and be able to look

around the church, be able to see what's going on in the

church. Perhaps you would notice some

things. Listen, even a child with

sensory issues, a smell could be something that could be really

hard. We smell a smell that we don't

like and we just ignore it. Maybe we're a little bit

annoyed. To a child with sensory

processing disorder, it could literally be painful to us.

That sounds wild, doesn't it? That, But again, when, when the

neurological system has wires crossed, if we could put it that

way, all of a sudden something that shouldn't be painful is

painful. Sometimes for them, something

that should be painful is not so painful.

And so maybe it's going in an off day saying, hey, let's look

around. Why don't you explore the space?

Why don't you ask any questions before the kids come around?

Maybe we can even show you some of the things that we do and you

can give suggestions, see if there's any problematic sensory

issues in the classroom that can be avoided or at least be

minimized. Again, you can't change the

color of the paint on the wall. That's not necessarily the case.

But you could find out that maybe you don't need all of the

memory verses on poster board around the room hung up from the

last six months because it's too distracting.

Our previous teacher was wonderful in so many ways, but

after every memory verse, she just left them on the board.

And so we almost wallpapered the wall just of poster boards with

memory verses. It was distracting to me

walking. It's like there's scripture

everywhere. And not that having scripture

everywhere is bad, but it's like, where do I focus?

What do I look at? And imagine a sensory processing

disorder. That could be something easy to

change. All right, next, create an IEP

for their child. Now, if you're not familiar with

the term IEP, it is an Individualized Education Program

used by the schools for special needs children and IEP.

I'm sorry, Plan. Yeah.

So it's plan. OK, we got that on down there

wrong. That's right.

So an individualized education plan, you can put program.

It's P2, but it's just, it's not see nightmare, remember?

So the nightmare is I got that wrong.

But the idea is, is this in the public school system, a child,

let's say like AJ, who would not be able to go through and do the

classes that everyone else would be able to do the same way the

law requires them to put together a program of what he is

able to do. So it holds the school

accountable, holds the teachers accountable, also gives us

reasonable expectations of what he's able to do and reasonable

expectations for assessment. Now, the IEP, as it's done in

the school is somewhere between 20 and 30 pages long and it

takes us over 2 1/2 hours to be able to go through it.

Nightmare. That is a nightmare.

Let me tell you, you've probably dealt with that before.

It is, it's needed, but it is so tedious and so hard to be able

to go through. I am not suggesting you do that.

What I am saying is to have a plan, just put together a plan.

You don't need to have it all. Everyone sign the document like

it's a Founding fathers document.

You know, you don't need to do anything like that, but just put

something in writing. Even if you don't necessarily

prepare, prepare it and present it to the parent.

But just so you know what is necessary, what adaptations are

needed or what kind of inclusion that you're looking for.

Maybe you want to write down with this child, we want to be

upstairs for the next two months for 5 minutes and then two

months after that, we're going to do this in two months.

Anything that is not planned is not necessarily anything that's

not planned in this way is more of a dream than anything else.

You know, it's just a real goal is here's the plan, here's what

we're going to do here's in two months.

And if it doesn't work in two months, it's OK.

It's not a big deal, but at least that's what you're moving.

And by the way, also gives you something to pray for about two,

which we'll look at in a moment. Now, this does not need to be

complicated. It could include items like a

visual schedule, the use of store manipulatives, or breaks

outside the typical classroom routine.

Breaks outside the typical classroom routine would be

adapting the, the, the, what was that last one, the conditions.

Thank you. I, I knew, I knew it was #3 on

that list, but I couldn't remember it.

It's adapting the conditions. AJ for a while was able to in a

classroom setting, say I need a break and was able to leave with

somebody when he said I need a break.

Now we got to the point where he didn't need a break.

He just wanted to leave. And that's always said, oh, you

don't need that anymore. But for a while that was

necessary and that was helpful to keep him in.

Those are the kind of things that you can have in a plan and

make it a collaborative, collaborative effort as best you

can. You are not like Moses with the

10 commandments coming down from the mount and you are not the

the educator that is coming down and presenting this to the

parent. Just working on this together.

Again, you're wanting to be an ally, so you're working on this

together. All right?

Regularly talk to them about what you're doing in the

classroom. Regularly talk to them about

what you're doing in the classroom.

Their child may not be able to talk to them about what's going

on in the classroom, so make regular reports to mom and dad.

So why do you do it? Because AJ is not going to tell

me what's going on in class. Now, you and I both know the

dreaded handout, especially if you got them from the quarterly

leaflets that come from whatever curriculum you might use.

That really those are just used to give something for people to

pick up and throw away later on. Because I find those leaflets

all over the church. It seems like that's the way

that it is. So a lot of us have a negative

opinion of handouts, but handouts are good for special

needs children because it gives something for mom and dad to

latch on when they get home and review with them.

OK, now I know if if Diane was not the teacher in the

classroom. Now I know what they covered

that day because even though I wasn't in the classroom.

And again, he can't tell me how the classroom is going.

So it's nice to hear from a teacher once in a while how

things are going. Would able send something home

so that the parents can reinforce what you've been

teaching in the classroom? Again, you're only with them for

two hours, maybe a maybe one hour a week.

You need the parents to reinforce what you're teaching.

So make it easier for the parents.

And by the way, don't just talk about problems, talk about

successes. This is not about special needs,

but I can tell you this is the case.

We have a woman that comes to our church and I remember

probably about two years ago or so, I got, I went to her after

church and I just said, I said, Hey, I need to tell you.

I need to talk to you about something.

And the look of panic on her face when I said I need to talk

to you about something. I don't know what her church

background. I know what her church

background is, but I don't know, it was obvious that maybe

there's been times in the past when the pastor came up to her

and said, I need to talk to you about something.

It was always negative because she looked at me immediately

like it was fight or flight. Do you know what I mean?

Like I got to, I don't know what's about to happen.

So what I I said listen, I just want to tell you you're always

so pleasant when I preach and you smile and you nod your head.

I just want to say thank you. I don't know what you thought I

was going to say. I just wanted to say thank you

because it blesses. It blessed my heart.

You can just see her just like exhale, like, oh, that's what it

was special need parents. If they see you coming up to

them after church, the teacher, you what are they thinking?

Uh oh, yeah, it's so you already said it before I said uh oh, oh,

spaghetti OS right, you know, and it's like, no, it would be

great. Say, hey, I need to talk to you.

What? I wish you know, Billy had a

great day today. Oh, really?

He had a great day. And just immediately that means

a lot to special needs parents. You want to talk about getting

someone on your side? That would be a wonderful thing.

Got to move quickly. Make a point to focus on their

other children. Make a point to focus on their

other children. Again, if you want to make

special needs parents, your allies, remember likely that

special needs child has other siblings.

I'll tell you, there's a there's a young man at a church that we

have ministered to in the past. He's about 7 years old.

He has prune belly syndrome. He has a host of other physical

needs. He's going to need a new liver,

kidney, liver. He's gonna need a new.

He's gonna need a new organ. She's not watching, but she is

watching. Hey, Julie.

But so I would tell you that he's got the he's seven years

old. He's got these little glasses

that are just so cute and he's just he just want to, you know,

I don't, I don't know what that is, but you know, I just he's so

cute, but he also has siblings and it's so easy to say, Oh,

Paul, man, I love you Paul, you're so great.

And the siblings like, you know, and you know, you have to be

careful not to just get so focused on that one child you're

working with, you're helping, could be cute, maybe they're not

cute, whatever it is, but you're so focused on them.

Work on the other children as well.

I'll tell you, we've been so blessed at liberty that the

people who've cared for Bethany and Kaylee and Peyton, we know

they love AJ, but they love all of our kids and that means so

much to us. So focus.

Many special needs families have siblings that often get lost in

the shuffle. Be sure to love on all of the

siblings and not just to lavish attention on the special needs

child. Next, find ways that their child

can shine when the children have activities or perform in front

of the church. Diane already talked about this.

Think about inclusion when you're having a class outing or

activity. You may not always do this, but

we try quarterly to have a children's activity where we go

outside after a Sunday morning. It could be something in the

church or we just have a video afternoon or video.

We show a video and have some pizza or something like that.

Just make sure that everyone is able to be a part.

Think about inclusion when your class will be doing something in

a church service, singing, reciting verses.

A JS class, that teacher that had all of those verses all over

the room. She also wanted the children to

remember the books of the Bible. AJ was not going to remember the

books of the Bible, but they came out in front of the church

and AJ said with the class, the 1st 5.

And I would tell you she got teary eyed.

She was just as excited about AJ saying the five as she was about

the rest saying the 66. You know what that meant to us.

My goodness that she thought about.

We didn't we didn't coach her up on that.

She just said, AJ, you can't memorize 66, but I bet you can

say 5. You know, Leviticus little bit

hard Deuteronomy, you know, but he got them done.

You know what a blessing that was.

Rejoice at the rejoice at the victories.

No matter how small. Parents want to know you're

invested in helping teach their child.

Remind them about progress that has been made over a longer

period of time. When we went to that that

restaurant, the four of us and talked to that couple.

And it was a long time that we talked and we worked and there

were ups and downs and ups and downs.

But do you know, I look on Wednesday nights and I see that

young lady sitting about right about there when the the rows

are out and she's sitting there just listening and she's growing

in the Lord. And now she's about 8-9.

Yeah. And, and I just see what

happened. And sometimes I just have to

remind dad specifically said look, look at what God's done in

her life. You know, just just remember

you, you you didn't even think you could sit in church four

years ago and look at what God's done.

And obviously he's used you all as well.

You know, you make it clear to the parents he's used you.

But give God the glory for that. Don't get discouraged.

You know, parents need to hear that.

And then pray for them regularly.

Galatians 6 to bear you one another's burdens and so fulfill

the law of Christ. Here's what I want to leave you

with today. For the next 24 seconds, I have

to speak to you. Maybe we'll fudge after three

just a little bit, but not much. We can talk about all of these

things and you know what? What's a tip you can give me

with this? What's a tool you can give me

there? These are all good.

I mean, that's why we're doing it.

But I will tell you this. None of them replace prayer.

James 15. I've worn it out in the word of

God. I'm glad that he gives to all

men liberally, because if any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of

God again. If we want to be a tool and a

resource to help to you, but there's no one that will be a

greater tool and resource to you than your Heavenly Father, go to

him first. Pray for that child.

Pray for insight about that child who knows the child better

than the parents. Start there.

Start there. I'm not saying these other

resources aren't good. That's why we're here.

That's why we were here the last several hours.

But I would say this, none of this is at the exclusion of

prayer. Prayer is first.

Pray for that child. It's hard to really have angst

against a child you're praying for every day just like this.

We pray for our enemies. Why?

Because it's really hard to have hatred in your heart for someone

that you pray for every day. That's why.

One of the many reasons God wants us to do so, to make sure

we are who we need to be. So how?

Well, how am I supposed to go forward with our special needs

ministry? We'll pray about it.

Well, Pastor, I don't think we can have a special needs

ministry, but we have these special needs children we're

supposed to minister to pray about it.

I don't know what angle I can get to be able to really reach

their heart, to reach their mind.

Pray about it. Pray regularly.

I'll tell you this, when you pray for that child every day,

it's a lot easier to interact with that parent because you

have had that child so much on your heart, so much in your

life. Last story and I'm done.

We were told we could we could share this story just a few a

few a little a few moments ago. But, and I will tell you the

quick version of it, but a few years ago, our very first fit

conference when I got to meet Eddie and Eddie was everywhere

here in the building. And I was so proud just getting

to meet your family that you that you came and that you came

for the time that you did. They couldn't stay the whole

time, but they came anyway and then came again the next year.

And I know there's a lot of people, including Dunbar, going

down and praying with him every Sunday and then knowing there's

others wonderful people in the church that that want that love

Eddie and love him so very much. I will tell you one of the best

moments I've had that we've had in special needs ministry was

when Miss Ellen emailed us probably about six months ago or

so, somewhere around there. And she told us the story of how

Eddie came to know Jesus Christ as his Savior.

If, if you would ask me that first time, we were talking

about a lot about trains. Was it a lot about trains that

day? Cats, trains, you know, whatever

it is, it's just, you know, if you'd ask me, hey, is this kid

going to be able to understand and comprehend the gospel and

call upon Christ as Savior? My answer would have been no.

But there was a reason like the old preacher says, God's God and

you ain't, you know why? I'm not God and I don't know.

But there was some people that just faithfully kept plugging

away. There's a Mama and a dad.

There were some faithful children's workers.

There was a pastor who just kept plugging away and plugging away

and plugging away. And before you know it, what

happened? Well, he's a brother in Christ

now. That's pretty awesome.

You know, what if we just pulled up the carpet on this whole

special needs thing and said, well, I don't think we're going

to do this anymore. We'll leave the mantle for

someone else to do it. I'd say we were pretty fulfilled

just by getting that testimony right there.

Now I pray there's a whole lot more testimonies just like him,

but this is what God has in store for you.

If you just pray and you be faithful and you do the hard

thing again, The, the, the, the what she referenced before is

true. The easy thing is to do nothing

with these children, but every day it gets harder.

The hard thing is to address it right away, but then every day

gets a little bit easier. Before, if you don't do nothing

in a few years, it's going to be unmanageable.

You don't know what to do. If you address it now, in a few

years, you're going to look back and say, look what God has done.

And so that's what we encourage you with here today.

Our heavenly Father, we do thank you for this time.

I thank you for these dear people taking time out of their

day. I thank you for the people who

are watching online that we have the technological capability to

do this. Lord, it's, it's incredible.

We thank you that there are people watching literally on two

different continents being helped today.

We, we give you the glory for that.

But Lord, I, I know that each person came here with a heavy

heart. They came here with a purpose.

We pray that we've been a help today that we can continue to be

a help in the future that our resources can be as well.

But I pray for more eddies Lord, that will accept Christ as their

savior and Lord, even if they're these young people are in a

place where they never are able to.

We hear the gospel that they're just safe with you below the age

of accountability for their unique situation.

Lord, help us just keep preaching Christ to them.

Lord help us to keep teaching them about you and so fulfill

the Great Commission. Lord, give safe travel to

everyone as they head home. And Lord, I pray that they'd all

have wonderful services tomorrow as we ask humbly for here at

Liberty as well. And we ask it in Jesus name,

Amen.