How to Ace Being a Father

Well, that about says it all, doesn't it?

We could just close in prayer and you can go home early.

Yeah, I want to say welcome to our friends from Summer Institute of Linguistics.

It was so exciting for me to see some faces that I haven't seen for a couple of millennia, like uh the Marlettes and Art Holden, and I'm sure there are others here that I haven't had a chance to talk to, but I'm not going to take the time to introduce each of you individually, but if you wouldn't mind just standing in place where you are so we can acknowledge again uh your presence with us in the service.

Would you do that right now?

All from SIL.

Well, the 36 years that I served as pastor here, we always look forward to having SIL come and join us and spend the summer with us.

And I always knew that they didn't have a lake home, so that they would probably be with us.

Speaking as one who does have a lake home now.

But I want to say also uh happy Father's Day to our fathers.

Um one of my personer friends told me they didn't like Father's Day because it was so different from Mother's Day.

At Mother's Day, they he said, we acknowledge our mothers, we give them roses, we have them stand, we applaud.

Father's Day is a different story, he says.

You come and you're a dad, and the pastor opens the scripture and he starts lambasting you with all the things that you haven't done as a father.

Well, I hope that isn't true, but I can see there's a sense when some people might feel that that is the case.

So hopefully, dads today, and again, as you saw in the video, there are so many different aspects of fatherhood represented in a congregation.

I hope today that you can take something with you that will help you in your role as a father.

You know, the scriptures aren't really helpful to us in some ways in talking about parenting and fathering.

Certainly it gives us a lot of positive and negative examples that we can learn from.

And yet there are just a handful of passages that we could go to and really say this is clearly addressed to us as dads.

Now, don't misunderstand me.

I'm not saying that we can't learn from those passages, but I want to take just one of them and learn from a passage of a man who apparently was not a father, but was a spiritual father, and that is the Apostle Paul, and I call your attention to 1 Thessalonians chapter 2, verses 9 through 12, which we'll be reading as we go through.

1 Thessalonians 2:9–12

In this passage of chapter 2, Paul refers to himself as a mother and as a father.

And there are some specifics that he mentions that touch upon the roles that I think we can glean from as fathers.

The title of the sermon is How to Ace Being a Father.

And those in the military know that if you're a pilot and you get five kills, you're considered an ace.

Now, I want to challenge our men to be an ace when it comes to being a father.

And you can see in your outline that there is a place for A C E if you read bottom up, and we'll get to that outline in just a minute.

But I think Paul talks about three areas in which a father is an example.

And let's go through them rather quickly.

The first is in work.

Father sets an example in his work, verse 9.

For you recall, brethren, our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to burden any of you, we proclaim to you the gospel of God.

As a spiritual father to these believers, Paul worked hard at proclaiming the gospel.

Even though he received financial help, and he could have not worked outside of that help, he chose rather to pay his own way.

And Paul described his work as toil and hardship, working long hours, night and day, in Acts 20, so as not to be a burden to any of those to whom he preached.

He went above and beyond what was expected.

Now, in ministry, you can sometimes be accused of being lazy.

And I'm sure there are pastors who are lazy, because after all, we just work one hour a week.

And Paul didn't want that to be the case in his situation.

He wanted to be a hard worker and work as if he were working for his boss, the Lord.

If one word used to describe the role of a father in the home, it was provider.

Traditionally, when I grew up, most women did not work outside of the home, and dads were the breadwinner, and I think that is a model that I wish we could get back to, but I'm certain it will not come in my time.

But when I was young, I learned the role of my father as a breadwinner from my mother.

Because we shared a room, my brother and I, and each morning my mother would come in and dust mop the linonium floor and remind us at 7 o'clock that my father had already been to work an hour and it was time to get up and feel my responsibility.

So even to this day, I can't sleep past 7 o'clock in the morning.

I hear about these people that sleep in, and I wonder, how do they do that?

Because there's in my mind this message from my mother to get up and feel your responsibility because your dad has been working at Lucan Hardware since 6 o'clock in the morning.

Well, six days a week he worked to provide for his family and set an example to me about what it means to work hard.

Being a provider for our families is one way we can fulfill our role as a father.

Dads, are you known as a hard worker?

Are you communicating to your children through your job that you try to slough off when you can, or are you communicating to them what it means to get to work on time and giving an honest day's work?

One of the things that I learned as a young person at jobs was to anticipate what the next thing that needed to be done should be done, and not to just stand around and wait to be told that this is something to be done.

A man who ran a fast food restaurant told his employees that if you have time to lean, you have time to clean.

Now I thought that was great advice.

And for a Christian, of course, we don't work just for our employer.

There's a sense, as Paul points out, that we work as if the Lord Jesus Christ is our boss.

And if we had an attitude of working hard in that way, we would do much to communicate to our children.

An example of what it means to work.

The second thing that Paul talks about in verse 10 is that a father is an example in his walk.

You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behave toward you believers.

A person's example, your example, Dad, is a powerful tool in the lives of your children.

And it's interesting that Paul calls as a witness in this passage of verse chapter 2, in verse 1, 2, 5, 9, 10, and 11, he calls them as a witness and says, You know this is true because you observed how we conducted ourselves.

But he also went on to call the Lord as a witness in verses 5 and 10, that his life was holy, that is devout, carefully fulfilling the duties that God gives to him as a person.

His life was righteous, speaks of integrity, and his life was blameless, as the witnesses he called could agree to.

Now, Dads, I don't know if any of our children would describe us in those terms, but certainly those are terms which we ought to ascribe for: holiness, righteousness, and blamelessness.

How are you showing integrity in your family?

One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a good example.

Whether you realize it or not, you are an example.

And I can see that in my own father.

He wasn't necessarily trying to get me to be a General Motors person, but that's the person I usually grow up with and felt that was the best car, because that's the car my father had.

That my father influenced me in my political persuasion.

And sports teams.

This is one area where my father failed.

Because he was a Chicago Cubs fan.

And he just must have liked to have his heart broken every year.

Because I can remember with that little transistor radio on his chest listening to WGN as they broadcast the games of the Cubs.

But what I'm saying is, whether you realize it or not, Dad, you are an example to your children, either positively or negatively.

And what's even more scary is that God uses your relationship to your children to help them learn something about Him.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion upon those who fear him.

So children learn from the known to the unknown what it means to love and be loved, just as the Heavenly Father loves us, what it means to discipline and be disciplined, because the Heavenly Father certainly lovingly disciplines us, what it means to have strength and wisdom and honesty and generosity.

My father was not a man of many words and certainly not a very showy kind of person, but his generosity and kindness have stuck with me over the years.

He ran a hardware store with his two brothers, and there were numerous times when he would make service calls.

This is a hardware store that sold appliances, furnaces, and maintained and fixed them in the day when you didn't just get a new one, you'd fix the old one.

But he would provide service calls and provide furnace preparation for winter for elderly people who were not able to pay.

And after he was gone, I learned that during the depression, uh many people would come into the store and they would just sign.

They didn't have money to pay.

And after the depression was over and they hadn't recovered fully, those debts were removed by my father.

Those kind of examples stick with me.

And I'm saying that as fathers and as grandfathers, we have an opportunity to help our kids learn something from our example.

How do they see you treating their mother?

Most likely that's the way they're going to be treating their wife.

How do they manage their finances?

Do they see you reckless with your finances?

Are you helping them to manage and learn to handle finances and to be generous in your giving?

Have they heard you pray?

Have they seen you read scripture?

Have they seen you serving in the body of Christ?

Serving other people who can't help and repay?

Have they seen you sharing in your abundance?

Those are lessons that we're teaching our children simply by the way we live.

Then there is a third way that we can set an example, not only our walk and not only what was the first one.

Thanks.

I don't have an outline with me, I just have the manuscript, so I'm you know what when you get seventy, things really change.

My dear wife just turned seventy, and moving right along.

The last area that we can set an example is in our words.

Notice verse eleven and twelve.

Just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of God who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

Words.

A number of years ago, a study was done of fathers and the time they spend with their young children.

Father thought each day he probably spent 15 to 20 minutes with his kids, but it averaged to being less than a minute where he had actual conversation and interaction with the children.

And oftentimes the words that we hear said to our children is no, I'm too tired, or we can't afford that, or keep quiet, or worse, shut up.

Does that sound vaguely familiar?

Many dads would say, I just don't know what to say to my kids.

Paul helps us here in these three words that spell ace from bottom up.

The first one is he gives us a pattern for our words, encouraging.

This is the pattern, verses 11 and 12.

Our words are to be encouraging.

That's the word that means one called alongside to help, to speak in a friendly manner.

It communicates the idea of one person standing alongside another to encourage and support a friend.

It's interesting that it's the same word that is used of the Holy Spirit, the comforter.

And it is the same word that is used of Christ in 1 John 2, our advocate, comforter in time of trouble.

It is also the word that is used of God our Father, who comforts us with comfort so that we might comfort others who need the comfort in 2 Corinthians chapter 1.

2 Corinthians 1 · chapter mention

So, Dad, maybe that isn't exactly the macho type of picture you have of what a father is.

But Paul says we are to be comforters, encouragers.

Notice the second word is very similar.

Console.

We are to encourage, we are to console.

It means to cheer up.

And basically, if you look in the lexicon, it's the same meaning as the first word, but there is a unique difference.

Because the second word means to console and to comfort in connection with death or other tragic events.

Isn't that interesting?

Fathers are to be the kind of strength and comfort when young people have to face, and they all have to face it and deal with those difficult, tragic events that happen in young lives and in losing those who are close to them.

And the third word that is used by Paul means to affirm.

We are to affirm, we're to console, and we are to encourage.

And affirm means to give personal testimony, give personal witness to.

And it's interesting as I looked up how it was used in other places in the New Testament, in Ephesians 4, 17, and following, the verse says, don't walk as Gentiles in the futility of their minds, darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of ignorance and hard hearts, callousness, sensuality, impurity, greeting us.

Rather, with renewed minds, seek truthfulness, self-control, don't steal, but work, do good, share, edify with your words, be kind, tender, forgiving.

What is that all saying?

I think it is saying, Dads, one of the ways you affirm is to give testimony of what is right and what is wrong.

You help them establish a standard of what is right and wrong.

Let me ask you, is anything wrong today?

Is there anything that society considers wrong today?

I mean, we just went through a horrible week where nine people were shot in church.

You wonder, okay, are we going to have to have armed guards at our church?

Are we going to walk through metal detectors in our church?

And amazing to me is that the Supreme Court is about to rule on something that may become the law of the land, which the Bible says is detestable.

And God regards as an abomination.

Debs, we need to speak up about what is right and wrong, but you say, Pastor, wait a minute now, we can't offend anybody.

We can't be, and the big sin of today is we can't be intolerant of other people.

Well, the Lord Jesus didn't get that message.

Matthew chapter 23, he calls the religious leaders fools, hypocrites, blind guides.

Matthew 23 · chapter mention

He calls them snakes.

And in John 14, he says, there's only one way to God, and I'm it.

That's not very tolerant, is it?

Dads, we need to speak up and talk about what the scriptures say about what is right and what is wrong.

That affirming word is also used in Acts 20, 26, and 27, where Paul says, I did not shrink from declaring, that's the word, the whole purpose or plan of God.

Now that's a big subject for you to get your arms around that.

I didn't shrink from testifying, from witnessing about the whole purpose of God.

Well, I try to put that into words that I can understand, and I think what he's saying is we need to communicate to our children the big questions and answers from God's perspective.

Who am I?

Where did I come from?

Why am I here?

Is there a God and how do I get related to Him?

And where am I going?

Those are the big questions of life that everybody else is trying to infiltrate into our kids' minds.

And dads, we need to step forward and say this is what we believe because this is what Scripture says about the big questions of life.

We are either here because of an impersonal, unintelligent chance, or we're here because of what the scriptures teach us, why we're here and who put us here and how we did it.

Another thing that this word affirming is used is in Acts 26, 22, and following, where Paul talks about proclaiming the light of Christ's death and resurrection.

What is that?

That's the gospel.

Remember those days when we try to uh distill the gospel into eight words?

I am a sinner.

I can't save myself.

Jesus did something that I couldn't do in his death and resurrection.

And I must, by faith, receive his gift for me.

Child needs to know the gospel.

And dad, we have that responsibility to communicate it.

And there's a fourth way that this word was used, and that's in Galatians chapter 5 and verse 3.

Galatians 5 · chapter mention

And if you read that, you'll say, well, what in the world?

It's talking about circumcision and the law.

And what it said to me was, you know, we need to make sure our kids don't think Christianity is just a matter of do's and don'ts.

Paul's point in Galatians was, you weren't saved by works, and you're not going to be sanctified by works.

The Christian life is the life of Christ lived out of the believer through the power of the Holy Spirit as he obediently obeys his word.

It saddens me that so many of our young people, when they're old enough, disappear from church.

And I think part of it is because they think Christianity is all about do's and don'ts.

Rather than a relationship and reliance upon the Holy Spirit to live out the Christian life, which none of us can do without his help.

So, what are the words that we use to communicate?

We communicate about right and wrong, about the big questions of life, about the gospel, about the folly of legalism.

Wow, does that give you some ideas, Dad?

Now, don't wait until they're freshmen in college and unload all this as they're unpacking at the university.

These are things that need to be instilled in teachable moments throughout their life.

Notice the purpose, the pattern, and now the purpose.

Paul reminds us in verse 12.

So that you may walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

It makes us as fathers so proud when we see our children walking in righteousness and holiness.

It makes God the Heavenly Father even more so.

And that is the purpose that we might help our children to walk worthy of our God.

This then is a calling, Dads.

It's a big one.

And unfortunately, many times dads have been silent and leaving these responsibilities to their mother.

And granddads, this isn't something that you don't have a part in anymore.

I've realized that I had to encourage our daughter, and from time to time will write an email to her and say how much I appreciate certain things that she's doing, to help her realize that, you know, we do notice, we do care, we do love her, and we don't want them just to think that we're being critical of them, but we want them to be encouraged by the words that we share.

The calling to be a dad isn't an easy one.

And there are unfortunately no guarantees.

But is there anything more important?

Is there anything of greater calling?

Becoming a father is easy, but being a father now, that's a different story.

But this little poem I think captures the power of an example well.

To get his goodnight kiss, he stood beside my chair one night and raised an eager face to me, a face with love a light.

And as I gathered in my arms the Son God gave to me, I thanked the lad for being good and hoped he'd always be.

His little arms crept round my neck, and then I heard him say, four simple words I can't forget, four words that make me pray.

They turned a mirror on my soul on secrets no one knew.

They startled me.

I hear them yet.

He said, I'll be like you.

Let's pray.

Lord, we thank you for our fathers.

For some of us, it is just a memory that we have of our dads, but as we look back and we see their examples in work and in their life and in their words, we give you thanks.

Some unfortunately have not had fathers who have been good.

And for them we pray for strength, that the Spirit of God may enable them to be a different example to their children, should you give them.

We thank you, Lord, the dads truly make a difference.

And we pray, Lord, that you will help us as fathers to take the opportunities to speak out in a society that has lost its way, so that we might truly walk worthy of our God in this generation who so desperately needs to know the God and Savior Jesus Christ.

In his name we pray.

Amen.