Finding Comfort in a Time of Loss: God Knows, God Cares

It is so good to be back in the house of the Lord.

Can I hear an amen?

It's been a number of years since I've been back here, and uh I'm just so delighted to see so many friendly faces.

I can just say that I love most of you.

Uh the most of uh I spent some time.

Uh first youth pastor uh of this one, and I was nicknamed the Pastor of Disaster by Pastor Vick.

I had a few uh things.

I got caught with a youth group up in a fire, uh National Forest fire up in Canada, electrical hotel fire in Washington, D.C., a hurricane down in Mexico, a bomb threat over in uh Germany, and of course, all those things can happen to anybody.

And uh so it's a pleasure serving here eight or ten years, and uh it's so glad to be back.

This is the first time I've spoken uh since the passing of my wife, which we'll talk about in a while.

Um my topic today is finding comfort in a time of loss.

And the subtitle is uh God Knows, God Cares.

And that's what we're gonna talk about.

Would you just join me in prayer?

Lord, use your servant today to bless your children.

Use your word today to encourage them to trust you more.

And uh may the example that you have about to share about our experiences be a blessing to many in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Usually I get in problems uh right near the first part of the service.

Uh it has to do with introductions.

And I was down in Phoenix and uh speaking to a church about 2,000, and I was very nervous, and an old guy came up to me and he said, Pastor, um, if you wouldn't have been a pastor, what would you have been?

And I said, I'd have been a pip for Gladys Night.

And now how many remember Gladys Night and uh and the pips?

Uh they sang the midnight train to Georgia, which is one of the great, great hymns of all time.

And uh so he got out there and I came out there with him, and he said, Our special speaker tonight is Mike Montgomery.

And if he wouldn't have been a pastor, he'd have been a pimp for Gladys Knight.

And uh my wife uh Joan just slid like a melting popsicle right in that front room, and I said, Scoop her up, she'll be okay.

Um so I usually get in trouble early, and uh so bear with me.

Um a lot of times, uh, Pastor Vic, is he here today?

No, he doesn't go to church anymore.

Well, my office is right over here, and Vic used to have the thermostat in his office, and whenever I was in trouble, uh my temperature would be controlled by him, and he'd turn down that temperature.

Uh so I got a lot of problems.

Uh well today I'm here to talk about um finding comfort in times of loss, and uh I know that most of you can relate to this.

Um my wife of 40 years passed away August 17th last year after a devastating battle with ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease.

And I I loved her immensely.

Uh, she was the joy of my life, and the pain of separation uh was overwhelming as Joan had been uh married, we had been married for these 40 years and been high school sweethearts.

She was my best friend, a co-laborer in Christ, a model wife and mother of children.

And Joan was the kindest, lovingest person I'd ever met.

And how many of you knew Joan?

And you'd agree, wouldn't you?

She's just that kind of person.

And so everybody said that I was lucky to find her.

And I agreed with that.

But I miss her dearly.

Psychologists suggest that dealing with the death of a spouse is more uh devastating than previously thought.

The great experience is all encompassing grief experience is all encompassing.

It affects the social, uh, the mental, emotional aspects, physiological, and there's even spiritual connotations.

Now many of us in this room can appreciate the ministry that people have to you while you're experiencing loss.

And some of you had the loss of a child, the death of a marriage, the death of a business, partnership, death of a dream.

At all these times, the one thing that we need is somebody to comfort us.

Right?

And the Bible talks about today three resources, three spiritual resources that God has provided to comfort us to those who are experiencing loss.

Now, there's a picture of my beauty.

She had just lost her shoe in the ocean, and uh she was a little sad.

But uh, she was a beautiful woman inside and out.

Um, in 2 Corinthians chapter 1, verses 3 and 4, um the apostle Paul calls the God of the universe the God of all comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3

And uh he says this praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion, and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our troubles so that we may comfort others, those in any trouble, with the comfort that we ourselves have received.

And so today I'm here to report that God has kept his word, he's brought comfort to me and to my family.

And today we'll talk about three things, but I'm trying to follow his lead in bringing comfort to you in the same way I was comforted.

Um when Joan and I had a time to talk, um and she said that uh before she passed away, she said that you need to get married right away as soon as I die.

And I said, Well, I should take a little time.

And she said, How about eight to ten weeks?

That's all I give you.

And I said, Well, why?

And she said, You don't know how to do anything.

And I I I took that um to heart, and then uh later after she passed away, I practiced it.

Um I was cooking a pizza the other day and burned it profusely, and so I just took it out of there and said, I'm not eating this, I'm not that kind of person.

And then I nibbled on it, and it wasn't bad.

Uh but uh then um later on I cooked another piece of pizza or a pizza and it burned a little bit, but then it started to smoke, and uh the smoke set off the fire alarms.

And the fire alarms I had it was a smoke-filled kitchen, and so I opened the back door, then opened the side door and opened to the garage door, and smoke was just pouring out of everything, and so people came by and they gave you one of these looks.

Are you alright?

And I said, I'm smoking brisket in here.

And uh so just mind your own business.

But it's the same way I was telling our men the other day that a man left alone by himself after a little while reverts back to a single life a little bit.

Um, it doesn't take that long.

Uh, for instance, I had a set of sheets, and I was saying to our men's group, you can go on with your life.

Um, like the pillowcases, uh, that's only your drool.

You don't need that.

And then I said uh the next one is the bed sheet, and that's only your sweat.

So that you don't need that either.

And then that one that has all the elastic that goes around.

Uh I don't know how that thing goes on there.

But I might put on, I put one foot here, one foot here, and then I get down like this, and then roll over.

And it's very difficult to do.

So um I advise you to practice that.

But uh like it's talk about comfort.

So I haven't lost my sense of humor.

And Joan told me once, she said, your humor is hard to understand.

And I said, That's your problem, not mine.

So I continue to uh amuse myself.

Well, what does it mean to be comforted?

Well, the Hebrew word suggests that comfort is referring to close access to God.

Psalm 23 says, The Lord is my shepherd, right?

I shall not want.

He maketh me lay down by green pastures or still waters.

And even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thy rod and thy staff shall comfort me, right?

And so God says he's with us, and his presence is near us.

And uh the Bible says in Romans 5, 1 through 2, therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith in this grace and now which we stand.

The first way that God comforts us is through his presence.

And this comes from another uh Greek word about his presence, which means literally face time.

Now we're familiar with that.

I've got some grandkids that we skype, and it's so good to see them uh face to face, even though it's a distance.

It's better than nothing, right?

But when I was in Spokane recently to visit with them, they like to come up to you and get right here and look at you in your eyes and say, Papa, it's so good to have you at our house.

And then they ask the question, How did you get to be such a great papa?

I don't know.

I practice at home.

The Bible says too at James chapter 4, says that God's intentions are for us to draw near to him and he'll draw near to us.

James 4 · chapter mention

And so he wants us to come because he wants his very person and his presence to comfort us, right?

And so when Joan was in the uh, we went to Mayo Clinic because Joan was showing signs of some neurological problem, and um we got there and the doctor came in and he said, I've got some terrible news for you.

Um you have ALS, which is a terminal disease.

And Joan said, I thought that's what I might have by my reading and visiting with other people, but I would like to say I'm very sorry for you, Dr.

Jones, for having to tell me the sad news.

And she said, I'd like to pray for you.

And I thought, what an outstanding woman.

In a time of uh desperation, she's praying for somebody else.

And then she says, Mike, go ahead.

And as I usually do, I swallow first, and then I prayed for him.

And he was a great doctor and helped us immensely.

But it was on Joan's heart to pray for people.

Then the nurse walks in.

She said, I'm so sorry that you have to tell along with Dr.

Jones and work with people that are in this state of ALS.

And we prayed for her too.

The Hebrew word for presence means uh, as I said, FaceTime, and it means to see one in person.

And there's nothing like the presence of somebody to give you comfort that you love, right?

If you've had a loss, there's nothing like a friend or family member to call you or to stand near you or return you to your stability.

My office was right over here, and I looked out one winter day, and there was a child about three or four years old, no coat on, just walking through the snow.

And I said to myself, that doesn't look right.

I'm that sharp.

Okay.

And so I went out and picked up the little boy, and I and I asked him, where he is from?

What's he doing out here?

And he didn't know what to say.

But as I looked around, I thought, well, where did this kid come from?

Where would you think he would come from?

The library, is my first thought, because the library has one of those electronic doors that open up, and this little kid probably just got out of there, and his mother doesn't even know he's gone.

So I walked over to the library, and there was this mother looking for her kid.

And I returned him into the little boy into his, her mother's presence.

And that boy felt a lot better.

And uh the mother didn't know that he was gone for a period of time.

But uh, our father knows what we need.

Um according to the scripture, there are a variety of uh reactions from people who appeared before God.

Some are afraid, as indicated by Adam and Eve hiding from God after they had sinned in the Garden of Eden.

Some confess their sins, like Isaiah.

Others remain silent, and some bring questions, like Job, but eventually all acknowledge his divine authority.

Remember when Job said, Why is my suffering taking place?

And he interacted with uh his friends, and by the way, Job called his friends a bunch of miserable comforters.

Remember that?

They said, This is the way God works, and God said uh to Job finally at the end of the verse uh chapter 38 or 40, he said, Were you there at the foundations of the earth when I set the corners in place?

And they he so he didn't answer the question, he just had divine authority.

And Hebrews talks about this.

Um, do we have a slide on Hebrews?

In the past, God spoke to our ancestors through prophets at many times in various ways.

But in these last days, he has spoken to us by his son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe.

So when we get into the presence of God, uh we just uh acknowledge his divine authority, right?

Everybody with me?

And so he acknowledges divine authority.

Jonah and I never asked once, why, God, did you send us this way?

Because we knew that his way is perfect, and he is a maker and creator of us, and he concurrents his sovereign plan for us.

So we just said, What should we do, Lord?

And uh we went from that moment on.

Uh so in his presence we recognize his divine authority to exercise dominion and power.

As King of kings and Lord of Lords, he answers to no one, whether in heaven or on earth.

And so this gives us comfort that God doesn't explain often, and he didn't explain why he took the life of my wife, who, by the way, should have waited till after I died.

I had a lot of diseases.

I had a heart attack 20 years ago and was counted out and made it back.

Was on oxygen for four and a half months.

Um I negotiated a contract with the Lord.

I said to the Lord when I was on that table, I said, if you let me, why don't you let me up?

One of your good guys who talks positively about you, and so one of the bums that always malign your name, and then they live for another 60 years.

So I said, give me 15 years, and I'll praise your name.

Well, it's 20 years since that happened, and I need to renegotiate.

But it is so God provides uh his authority.

The second thing is he makes uh purification for sins.

Um and that he does, says Hebrews 1:3.

Hebrews 1:3

Uh, after he provided purification for sins, that is payment for our sin at the Calvary, he sat down at the right hand of the of the majesty in heaven.

God's redemptive plan brings us comfort as we are now reconciled to God through faith.

And that's good news.

That's excellent news, right?

And why it's excellent news is because now we have access to God, not for him to condemn us, but for him to relieve us and set us free.

Isn't that great?

And so many people are afraid to go to God because they they think that God will discover that they're partly sinners.

Uh well, surprise, God knows that.

Uh we go to him because he loves us and has compassion upon us.

And so Hebrews says, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and full assurance with faith brings.

So the first comforter that we have is God Himself, right?

And so we don't need to be angry with him.

We need to rely on his guidance and direction.

Psalm 16, 11, which is my favorite verse, says, uh, in his presence, uh, excuse me, you have made you make me know the path of life.

You fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

These are all wonderful things that are a result of faith and divine authority.

Uh Joan, in the middle of this, uh, as she lost her strength, I asked her one day, do you still have joy in the Lord?

And she said, Absolutely.

And I said, Do you know you're dying?

And she said, Yes.

She said, Do you have joy in the Lord?

And I said, Yes.

Because we had peace with God and we experienced that.

She also believed that God knows and God cares from Psalm 139.

She said, for it reads, For you created my innermost being.

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Your works are wonderful, I know them full well.

And my frame was not hidden from you when I made a secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, you saw my unformed body.

And then she recalled, repeated this one.

All the days ordained for me were within your book before one of them came to be.

So God gives us a plan and he gives us our days, and he makes them days that are numbered to complete his work.

The second thing is the way God comforts us is through his promises.

And his promises are many.

God has promised uh that he'll meet our every need, says Philippians.

God has promised that his grace is sufficient for us.

God has promised that his children will not be overtaken with temptation.

Instead, he assures us it will provide a way of escape.

God has promised us victory over death.

So he's many more promises.

And uh, young lady, can you hold up that book right in front of you?

There you go.

It's a book of promises.

And uh I hope that every there I brought a few copies, and after the service, uh you can have them, as many as are left.

But there's God brings us so many promises.

Um, isn't it comforting to know that somebody who has their word keeps their word?

Right?

Well, I joined the International Cheese Lovers Federation at 12 years old, and I paid my five bucks, and every other month they'd send a piece of cheese.

And that's odd.

I agree, but I thought for a lifetime for five bucks, you can't beat that.

And so I thought of myself at age 45, eating on some cheese from around the world.

Then I got a letter one day that says that the international cheese lovers uh guys had folded.

And I thought, well, that's not fair.

What happened to my five bucks?

And I was so teed off at those people that I wrote them a letter and I got no response.

And my dad said, Well, it's not your lifetime, it's their lifetime.

And so I said, Learn the lesson.

Thank you, Dad, for your compassion.

So God has given us many promises, and his promises are um are beneficial, and uh he has many of them that he brings comfort to us.

That many as believe in him, to them he gives the right to be called children of God.

Uh God promised that he is the resurrection and the life.

All believe in him, should not perish but have everlasting life.

And you can think of many other promises.

And so I encourage you to read the Word of God and to see what He says.

Uh He doesn't lie, all the movement towards us is merciful and compassionate.

And so we don't have to be afraid of Him.

In fact, we can come into His presence for comfort.

And the other day I was a sad song on, and uh you don't want to listen to sad songs if you've uh lost your spouse.

And so I was just weeping, and I just said, God, comfort me.

And I just felt the spirit of his presence uh come over me.

And uh

I just wept and I got it out of my system.

And I said, uh, thanks, I needed that.

Uh he brings comfort other ways, he answers prayer.

Um I it was I lost my keys again.

And I said, There's no Joan around here, and you know why.

And I said, She's up there somewhere, but I have to have those keys.

And so, Lord, I'm asking you to show me where those keys are.

And they're not going to be under a cushion because I don't know where to look.

They're not going to be in some cupboard because I can't find what's in the cupboard.

I can barely keep track of what's what.

And you know those keys were hanging on the drawer handle where I get my knives and spoons.

I never set them there.

Uh one of the tricky angels must have come and uh set it right there, and I said, That's more like it.

I said, I can work with you.

The second thing about his promises, not only are they beneficial, but they're guaranteed.

And so, again, being guaranteed, Isaiah 49 says, The grass withers and the flower fade, but the word of our God endures forever.

Matthew 5, 18 says, For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen will by in any way means disappear from the law until everything is accomplished.

You see, God keeps his word.

It might take a long time for you to get your prayers answered.

Right?

And yet God is patient, not willing that any should perish.

He wants to answer those prayers, so keep praying, and God will comfort you.

Well, finally, the third way in which he comforts us is through his people.

And this is what I'm really excited about, because it's you that God uses.

Joan uh asked me a question one day.

She said, Mike, I think this thing with ALS is going to be a real blessing to the church.

And I almost threw up.

I said, Hun, I'm about three miles behind you.

How can you say that?

And she said, unless somebody has an advanced need, the people that have different gifts, such as cleaning, sewing, mending, building.

One person said to me, I know how much that you love your wife.

He said, At least I I feel it.

He said, and I know you don't know me.

Okay, we're at church.

And he said, but I'd like to provide a real wheelchair deck, and then I'd like to remodel one of your bathrooms so it's wheelchair, it's wheelchair accessible.

Isn't that neat?

And so they 21 guys came over and they built this thing, and it looks great.

And Joan used that several times, and it was a real blessing to her.

And then people came over with meals and checks and uh gifts, and they wanted some prayer time with us, and they blessed us so many times.

Um, but the most blessing of all was uh the time they said they'd like to come over and sing some hymns to Joan.

And I looked down our sidewalk, and there were supposed to be eight or ten people that came outside of our window, and they would sing like the ensembles do.

And uh, so we're supposed to just let the door open.

Well, I looked down the cul-de-sac, and there were sixty some people.

And they just came marching, marching, and I said, Come on in the house.

So they were in the kitchen, in the living room, and down the hallway, and some outside, and they sang hymn after hymn, and just praise to our God and thanksgiving for the situation that we're in.

And uh Joan was fine, I was crying again, and I thought this was like when Mary Magdalene, I think, anointed the feet of Jesus prior to his burial.

I said, You guys are preparing us for this loss, and it's such a blessing.

And so the family of God showed up, and uh they are extended family.

You are my extended family, and that's why I can say that I love you.

Many of you sent cards and letters and and other ways and phone things, and uh, I'm not the best at Joan was really good at having one of her friends write thank you notes to everybody.

I could barely keep track of what was going on, and so I wasn't as good as that.

But uh so the family is extended family in Christ, and then secondly, we're uh let's go on to the next one, is that we're gifted for service for one another by Christ.

And so the Bible tells about love one another and serve one another and carry each other's burdens, and that's what you do for one another here in this church.

I understand you're getting a new candidate for a pastor, and he'll love you, uh, even as I do.

And Pastor Vic did.

And then he gave up on you.

He called it retiring.

But look at me, I'm retired, I'm here.

Well, in summary, we see that God will provide us comfort in our time of trials.

I'm sure that it's encouraging for you to see that I still follow Jesus even after this hardship, right?

And uh that's a I'm comfort you in the same way I was comforted by other believers.

And God fulfills his promises using his church to minister to those in need.

And the result is that God is glorified, exalted as the one God of the universe and savior of mankind.

Blessed be his holy name.

In closing, I'd like to read a little poem I wrote for my wife Joan.

And uh so I'll try to do it.

It's called Her Journey Together.

And before I do this, I want to tell one more story.

Joan, uh senior year, their Red River played our St.

James High School for the state championship.

And uh she cheered for her school instead of her boyfriend.

And uh some of our St.

James girls came over and said, You're a bad person.

You should always choose your boyfriend over this other stuff, this school.

So we teased each other for 40 years.

You should have you should have cheered for me.

And at the end, I said, Well, we covered all the things.

You're going to be with a Jesus, but I've just had one more thought.

Have you ever thought about your cheering for Red River versus uh St.

James and your boyfriend?

And she said, Yeah, I thought about it.

I said, Would you change?

And she said, No.

That's my woman.

A woman of conviction.

So I wrote her this poem about our journey together.

It says, as we travel this mountain range filled with dangerous crags, our feet slip at separate times.

But our joint harness remains firm.

Our comfort comes in his presence, not from the difficulties that surround us like enemies.

We continue to follow a divine path.

And what shall I do if you perish?

And I will trust God even more.

Who spared not his own son to make a better way for us.

And so today remains the travel day.

I hope you understand that with the meaning that you can get through the hardships that is in your life.

And that your losses can be addressed by the comfort that God provides in his presence, that his promises are secure, and then finally that from the people of the house of God.

I hope this message encourages you wherever you're battling and whatever loss you're suffering through.

My heart goes out to you.

But again, I want to say thanks.

And uh may God continue to bless.

Let's close in prayer.

We thank you, Lord, that you're the God of all comfort, that you have compassion for your children, that what seems impossible is very possible with you.

And what seems uh of unbelievable hardship is one that you'll provide comfort so that we can pass through the dark days and the muddy waters.

We ask you to meet the needs of people in this room, and that you be glorified by the fact that you have taken your daughter to heaven, but you've left your servant to carry on and do what you ask me to do.

We're thankful for Faith Evangelical Free Church and the people involved.

So bless your word today and give us sweet fellowship in Jesus' name.

Amen.

You're dismissed to do good or