The Wise Use of Words

I don't even want to answer out loud, but how many weapons do you think are in this room right now?

Well, my guess is there's several pistols and knives that could be produced if needed.

No doubt.

But those are not the kind of weapons I want you to think about right now.

The weapons that I'm thinking about are our tongues.

For you see, this weapon, that tongue, on a daily basis is used more dangerously

and causes more damage than the guns and knives that we have in our possession right now.

The book of Proverbs describes the human tongue or human speech as something that is very powerful,

so powerful that it has the power of life and death.

Look at something we looked at two weeks ago from Proverbs chapter 18.

Proverbs 18 · chapter mention

He writes, death and life are in the power of the tongue.

For the past two weeks, we've been looking at the destructive power of the tongue, haven't we?

We've been looking at the wrong use of our tongues.

And it's there.

It's present in our lives.

We're talking about the wrong use of our words.

We've noted over these past two weeks the harmful effect of things like gossip, slander, lying, boasting, or bragging.

We also looked beyond the speech problem to the real source of our problem.

It's a heart problem.

If we have corrupt words, it's because we have a corrupt heart.

And Jesus is the one who pointed that out very clearly in Luke chapter 6.

Luke 6 · chapter mention

Look at it.

The good person, out of the good treasure of his heart, produces good.

And the evil person, out of his evil treasure, produces evil.

For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks.

Make it personal.

Out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth speaks.

And I pointed out last week, that is very convicting to me.

And I'm going to guess it's convicting to a lot of people.

Proverbs has much to say about the destructive power of the tongue.

But that's not all it says.

Look again.

Chapter 18.

There is life-giving power in the tongue.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

And that's what I want us to focus on today and next week.

I want us to think about the right use of words.

Or to be more Proverbs-like, let's think about it in terms of the wise use of words.

The first thing I want us to notice is, wise people speak truthfully.

That's just the opposite of what we saw two weeks ago.

Or no, really that one was last week.

The destructive power of lying.

But today we're going to look at the flip side.

The positive side.

Wise people speak truthfully.

And you know, Proverbs describes this in several ways.

It sort of sheds light on what we're talking about from different perspectives.

Look at the first one.

In chapter 15 it says,

A gentle tongue is a tree of life,

but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

The word gentle is sometimes translated soothing,

and sometimes healthy.

A healthy tongue, a soothing tongue,

is a tree of life.

Healthy speech communicates complete truth.

Healthy speech is not a sick form of the truth.

Not a perverted form of the truth.

Now the reference to a tree of life points out

that this is the kind of speech that is life-giving.

It provides wisdom, truthful words,

soothing words,

healthy words,

provide wisdom for right living.

Now this form of speaking truthfully,

what it means is you state the facts as they really are,

not like you want them to be.

This kind of truthful speech means that you shoot straight.

You actually say what the facts require you to say.

On the negative side,

it means you don't twist the truth.

You don't mislead a person.

You don't pervert the truth.

Now, let's look at it from a different perspective.

From Proverbs 24.

Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips.

The NIV translates this in a more,

what we might call poetic form,

and shows the comparison being made better.

Look at it from the NIV.

An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.

Now, the meaning here is that speaking the truth is not only right,

but it's good.

It's beneficial.

It's even pleasurable.

Old Testament commentator,

Tripper Longman,

he makes this comment about that verse.

He says,

Kissing and truth-telling

are two positive and pleasurable acts

one can perform or receive from the lips.

I know what you're thinking.

I thought the same thing.

The kiss has got to come from the right person

in order for it to be pleasurable.

You know, there's some people you just want to spit, you know.

Now, we're being honest here.

It comes to your mind.

But, let's be true to the text.

A kiss in the ancient world

and in some other cultures today.

It was looked upon very differently

from what we look at here in American culture.

The kiss in Proverbs

should be thought of as an expression of friendship

or even sometimes hospitality.

It is not a kiss that implies romance

or designed to be sexually stimulating

or anything like that.

The idea is that speaking the truth

is a positive experience

both to the one who speaks it

and to the one who is on the receiving end.

Now, let's stop and think.

You think about yourself.

Is speaking the truth

like what we're talking about?

Does that come naturally to you?

Because that's what's naturally in your heart.

Now, the red flag went up

when I use the word natural for some people here.

Because naturally, we're born sinners.

We're born with a selfish heart.

We're born with a heart that would cause us

to say whatever we need to say

to get our way,

to make life simple for us.

And so when I use the word naturally this morning

to talk about,

is your heart naturally

such that you are inclined to speak the truth?

I'm talking about someone who's a Christian

in whom the Spirit of God lives.

It's the Spirit of God working in us

that gives us the desire

to be truthful,

to be real.

Because that's just what we want to be,

we desire to be.

And so our words will naturally

be this way as well.

Is it your heart's desire

to be honest?

Is it your heart's desire

that what you say,

how you come across,

you are genuine?

I mean, you are truly sincere.

Does it bring pleasure to you

to be this way?

In not just what you say,

but in everything that you do.

Does it feel wrong?

Is there something within you

that just causes you to think,

this is not right,

when you twist the truth?

When you don't come all the way out with it?

When you're trying to hide?

When you're trying to deceive?

You know, speaking truthfully

is really one of the most

healthy, freeing,

life-enriching things

that we can do.

If you're someone

who always speaks the truth,

you don't have to worry

when you're around

a certain person

and think to yourself,

now what did I tell them?

If you're someone

who always speaks the truth,

it doesn't matter

if you're in this setting

having to scratch your head.

Now what was it I told them?

See, that's a sign

of somebody who is

either just a point-blank liar,

or they just want

to be deceptive,

or free with the truth.

That's hard

because you've got to remember

what you said,

where you said it,

who you said it to,

if you say things

that are other than the truth.

But when you speak the truth,

when you live it,

when that's who you are,

you can just go

and be who you are

wherever,

you can relax

because you're hiding nothing.

There's nothing

for anyone to find out.

That's why it's so freeing.

Wise people speak truthfully.

They think truthfully

because that's what's in their heart

by the grace of God

through the work

of the Holy Spirit.

They're a person of truth

just like Jesus,

embodied truth.

As His followers,

that's just who we are

as Christians.

But that's not all

Proverbs says

about this matter

of speaking truth.

Wise people also speak

appropriately.

You've heard the saying,

timing is everything.

Well, that applies

to just about everything

under the sun,

including our speech.

our speech.

Look at how Proverbs

makes this clear.

Chapter 15.

A person has joy

in giving an appropriate answer

and a word

at the right time

how good it is.

That's from the New English

Translation,

Internet Bible.

Look at it.

A person has joy

in giving an appropriate answer

and a word

at the right time

how good it is.

Look at another one

from chapter 25.

A word fitly spoken

is like apples of gold

in a setting of silver.

The word fitly

can be translated

skillfully

or even timely.

You know,

speaking the truth

cannot be overstated.

overstated.

But wisdom requires

that we learn

to speak the truth

in the right way

at the right time.

I like the way

Proverbs uses humor

to stress this point.

Chapter 27.

If anyone loudly

blesses their neighbor

early in the morning,

it will be taken

as a curse.

If you call me

at 4 a.m.

in the morning

to tell me

you'd really enjoy

this message,

I won't like it.

It will not be

you are blessing me.

If you call me

at 4 o'clock in the morning

and even tell me

how wonderful

my wife is

or grandchildren are,

I won't like it.

If you call me

at 4 o'clock

in the morning,

somebody should have died.

Isn't that true?

Or something similar.

That's what

is intended to be funny.

What he's saying here.

As we grow in wisdom,

we not only learn

the value

of speaking the truth,

but we learn

the value

of being appropriate

with it.

Saying the right words

at the right time

and in the right way.

that's important.

That's what wise

people do.

And let's go

a step further.

Wise people

speak calmly.

We'll look at

other words

for this,

but let's talk

now.

Wise people

speak calmly.

Here's what I'm

talking about.

Proverbs 15.

A soft answer

turns away wrath,

but a harsh word

stirs up anger.

Most translations

say a gentle answer.

A gentle,

a soft,

a calm answer

turns away wrath.

Think about it.

It's describing

a stressful situation.

Maybe you're in a group.

Maybe you're just

with an individual.

And you can tell

some tempers

are beginning

to flare.

People are getting

on edge.

You could cut

the tension

with a knife.

And what Proverbs

is trying to tell us

is a wise person

in such a situation,

they're not just

going to blurt

out the truth.

They're going to

try to speak

the truth

in an appropriate

way,

and in this case,

it'll be a calm

word,

a gentle

word,

a soft

answer.

Because speaking

like that

has a way

of diffusing

the situation,

has a way

of not

escalating things,

but calming

things down.

Now,

such calm,

wise words

are not

weak words.

We're not

talking about

being afraid

to engage

in conflict

when conflict

has to be.

We're not

talking about

you just,

you don't like

conflict,

and so you just

do whatever's

necessary,

even evading

what's right

and what's

truthful.

We're not

talking about

that.

Calm,

gentle

words

are powerful

words.

Look at

Proverbs 25.

with patience,

a ruler

may be

persuaded,

and a

soft

tongue

will break

a bone.

Speaking

figuratively

here,

a soft

word

is a

powerful

word.

It's

persuasive.

This

calm,

gentle,

appropriate

word of

truth can

persuade

someone

who's

in

power

above

you.

It is

helpful.

It is

useful.

You know,

another way

to describe

what we're

talking about

here is

we need

to learn

to act

rather than

react.

That's a

hard lesson

to do,

isn't it?

In some

situations,

you know,

tempers are

already

boiling.

you know

what you

want to

say,

you know

what you

want to

do,

and so

you just

react to

the situation

rather than

taking the

time to be

calm,

to think,

and to

act.

You've

heard it

said,

if something

happens,

piece of

advice,

you're angry,

you're upset,

you're sort

of stressed

out,

instead of

just saying

what you

think,

pause,

count to

ten before

you respond.

Sometimes you

need to

count to

a hundred

and ten,

because the

way we're

going to

respond is

not going

to be

good.

Sometimes we

need to

learn to

just do

whatever it

takes to

get our

emotions under

control so

we can speak

calmly,

instead of

harshly,

so that we

can help the

situation,

not hurt the

situation.

You know,

calm,

soft,

or gentle

words will

help all of

our relationships.

Everywhere.

But they

will help

especially at

home.

Why is it

that we

come to

church?

As a

general rule,

we are going

to be,

we are going

to use more

calm and

gentle and

soft language

at church.

You might

at work,

you know,

you don't say

everything you

think,

you just,

you try to

be calm and

in control.

You may be

that way at

school,

but at

home,

we let

down all

guards.

They know

me,

I know

them.

We know

each other at

our worst,

so we don't

even think.

We react

instead of

act.

we say

what we

think,

the way

that we

think it,

and it

causes

stress,

it causes

conflict,

it causes

hurt feelings.

Your spouse,

your parent,

or parents,

your children

would greatly

benefit

from calmer

words,

more

gentle

words,

less

reactive

words.

That's one

thing that I

wish I had

worked on a

whole lot

harder

when I was

younger.

younger.

See,

when I was

younger,

I thought

too much

in terms

of just

doing the

right thing.

Always,

you just

got to

speak the

truth,

do the

truth,

do what's

right,

and when I

was younger,

every hill

was worth

shedding blood

on,

if there

was something

right or

so forth

about it.

it's

amazing

how as

you get

older,

you think

about such

things,

you think

about some

of the

damage you've

done,

you see it

in other

people,

and you

come to a

conclusion,

or you start

thinking about

it,

this is not

only not

wise,

this is

foolish,

foolish,

this not

only does

not please

and help

the situation

with my

family,

this doesn't

please God

at all.

You know,

it's good

for us to

speak the

truth,

but it's

not enough.

We need to

learn to do

what else

Paul said

in that

Ephesians

passage,

we need to

learn to

speak the

truth in

love.

You know,

if I think

about myself,

I've never

had a problem

stating the

facts as

they really

are.

In fact,

I've took

pride in

being a

straight

shooter,

but again,

the older

I get,

I realize

it's not

necessarily

good just

to be a

straight

shooter,

just to

state the

facts as

they really

are.

The truth

needs to

be spoken

appropriately,

in the

right way,

at the

right time,

and that

will include

speaking the

truth calmly,

gently,

with more

control,

and more

love,

and more

concern for

the other

person.

I know

better than

I act

even today.

I talked

about, I

wish I

had learned

those lessons

earlier, and

I sure do.

I still

haven't mastered

them.

I'm still

working on

it, but I

am aware.

I am more

conscious.

I am asking

God to

help me

to think,

to speak

more calmly,

to speak

more under

control.

And let's

go ahead and

look at the

next one,

and to

speak less.

Wise people

speak less.

You know,

if you just

read through

the book of

Proverbs,

that's a

great devotional

study.

There's 31

chapters.

Read a

chapter a

day.

Read it

every month.

You'll find

there's a lot

in Proverbs

about just

keeping your

mouth closed.

Look, here's

some examples.

Chapter 13.

Whoever guards

his mouth

preserves his

life.

He who

opens wide

his lips

comes to

ruin.

That's just

real clear,

isn't it?

Whoever guards

his mouth

preserves his

life.

Whoever opens

wide his lips

comes to

ruin.

Look at

another one,

Proverbs 11.

The one who

has understanding

holds their

tongue.

You know,

the word

understanding

is used

not exactly

but almost

interchangeably

with wisdom

a lot of

times in

Proverbs.

The one who

has wisdom

holds their

tongue.

One more,

Proverbs 9,

chapter 10

from the New

American Standard.

When there are

many words,

transgression

is unavoidable,

but he who

restrains his

lips

is wise.

Can you

argue with

that?

Everybody in

this room

doesn't just

talk and

have problems

all the time.

some of us

have a problem

more than

others.

But all of

us really do

need to

think before

we speak

and realize

that the

world would

not be better

off.

The world

would not be

missing something

if we didn't

say everything

that we

thought.

we didn't

contribute to

every discussion.

We know

this is true.

Just think

with me.

How many

times have

you held

your tongue

but later

on you

wished you

said something?

There are

some times.

There's a few

times where

you look back

and you think,

I wish I

would have

spoken up.

That's true.

But how

many times

have you

said something

and then

later on

you thought

to yourself,

I'd give

anything if

I had not

said a word.

If I had not

opened my

mouth.

If I could

somehow or

another see

all those

times in my

life, I'd

have to have

a calculator.

Wouldn't

some of you?

We need to

learn to

speak less

and listen

more.

James,

the proverb

guy of the

New Testament

says this,

Know this,

my beloved

brothers,

let every

person be

quick to

hear,

slow to

speak,

slow to

anger.

Great advice,

isn't it?

How do you

need to respond

to this

message?

speech?

As we've

gone through

this,

trying to

look at

more positive

aspects of

speech,

Scripture is

real clear,

we need to

speak truthfully.

But it's

also clear,

we need to

speak appropriately

in a timely

way.

And we need

to learn to be

under control

when we speak

and speak

calmly and

gently,

at least a lot

of times.

And most of

us would

profit from

speaking less.

So as we

think about

how we

should respond,

think about

it.

Ask God to

make it clear

to you.

And understand,

again,

what we're

talking about,

if you see

some problems

here,

it's not a

problem with

your tongue,

it's a problem

with your heart.

Because what

comes out of

our mouths,

it's in us.

It's who we

are.

And so if

God's speaking

to you,

He's not

saying just

try to clean

up your

language,

try to just

be more

positive.

He's telling

us to look

within at

who we are,

at our

character.

If you are

a Christian

truly indwelled

by the Spirit

of God,

He is

convicting

you about

some of

this.

Confess

sin if

there's

sin.

Make a

commitment

that you're

going to

seek to be

more sensitive

to the Holy

Spirit's

presence and

be one who

is more

calm,

more you're

going to

just work

on with

His help

to be aware

and then to

just do it.

Be more

calm,

be more

timely in

speaking and

in speaking

the truth.

It may be

that you're

not a

Christian and

as we've

gone through

this,

the Lord's

just shown

you the

problem's

you.

You're just

not a

truthful person,

you're not

anything like

what we're

talking about.

It's a heart

issue.

And if God's

showing you

that,

admit to

Him your

sin and

your separation

from Him,

that you're

not the

person that

He wants

you to

be.

Change your

mind about

that.

Turn from

that sin.

Put your

trust in

Jesus Christ

believing,

knowing that

when He

died on the

cross,

He actually

took the

punishment for

that sin,

for all your

sins.

Call upon

Him to

save you.

Our words

matter.

They matter for

all kinds of

reasons.

But I want to

conclude as I

have for the

last three

weeks now.

our words

matter because

they reveal the

condition of

our heart and

they will be

recalled by

God on

judgment day.

Jesus said

in Matthew

12,

I tell you,

on the day of

judgment,

people will

give an

account for

every careless

word they

speak.

For by your

words, you

will be

justified.

And by your

words,

you will be

condemned.

Let's pray

together.

Dear God,

drive home the

point to us

that our

words do

matter.

And Father,

help us to

see that

it's important

that we don't

just speak

negatively and

critically,

but that we

also

speak positively,

wisely,

speaking the

truth in a

timely and

an appropriate

way,

calmly,

gently,

having a

calming effect

on people and

situations.

Father,

show us how

we should

respond and

help us to

do that.

If I could

pray with you

in this attitude

of prayer,

just be

prayerful,

listen to the

Lord and

obey Him.

And if I

could pray

with you,

help you

during this

time,

I'll be

here at

the front,

happy to

do that.

Let's just

listen to

the Lord

and respond

as He

speaks now.