1 Peter 3:1-7 | The Gospel at Home

Beginning in verse one.

It says, likewise, so he's continuing what has come before.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.

And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Amen.

This is one of those passages that if I was not a consecutive passage of Scripture expositor, I would skip.

Along with one at the end of this chapter, too.

It's one of the benefits of just going consecutively through the passages of Scripture that are before us, is that we are forced to deal with whatever is there.

We are forced to wrestle with it.

There are various reactions to this passage of God's Word.

Some of you may already be tense and ready to resist.

If that's you, take a deep breath and relax a bit.

Others dismiss this passage as an outdated patriarchal mode of authoritarianism.

Others are skeptical of it and doubt that it really applies to modern times.

There are others, though, who have a full acceptance of what is written here as God's ordained structure for the home.

Well, our goal this morning as God's people is to hear what God says with openness.

We want to do that with any passages of Scripture.

We want to hear it with a willingness to be taught, to be challenged, even, to be informed, and ultimately to be sanctified by God's revealed word.

Now some may have to work a little harder at that than others.

Just depends on where you are in life.

But in order to hear, truly hear what God says, we must avoid a misunderstanding, and we must also avoid two extremes.

So let me talk for a minute first about the misunderstanding that we need to avoid.

When God speaks of submission, he directs it to everyone in the church.

Not a single person is left out.

Everyone is called to submit to whatever structure, whatever order God has placed them in.

That says nothing about the person.

It speaks only of the structure, of the order that God has put in place and the authority within that structure.

So, when we speak of submission, it doesn't mean that one person is less than another person.

It doesn't mean that one is more capable and another is less capable.

It doesn't mean anything about intelligence or strength or capability or inferior capabilities.

That's a common misunderstanding of submission.

That is not true.

It is often the case that the one who submits has greater ability, has greater intelligence, has greater strength than the one in authority within that structure.

Submission simply means I line myself up under the order, under the structure in which God has placed me.

That's the misunderstanding that we need to avoid.

Now two extremes that we need to avoid.

We need to admit that far too often this passage and others like it have been applied in heavy-handed, authoritarian, and abusive ways that God never intended.

We need to admit that.

Men have taken what God says here and in other passages and used it to condone abusing their wives and families.

That is self-centered sin that God detests.

Now the other extreme deserves note as well.

We can't simply dismiss this passage and ignore it as some cultural statement that no longer applies to us in the 21st century.

So that we can just ignore it.

It is still God's word today.

That has not changed one bit.

Now there certainly have been interpretations and misinterpretations and misapplications with this and other passages of Scripture, but that doesn't give us leeway to skip it.

It's God's word.

It's true.

And it is authoritative for our lives.

And we must seek then to know, to understand, and to apply it.

And there's much to understand.

In fact, while many simply dismiss this passage as culturally irrelevant, it is a grasp of culture that actually helps us to understand the main point.

Culture is one of those major gaps between us and an accurate understanding of the Bible.

And we need to bridge that gap in order to properly make sense of the instruction given to us here.

First, we need to notice a similarity with our modern world.

There is a similarity.

That similarity is differences in culture.

In the cultural context of the New Testament world, there were variations between locations and people groups.

So just as today there are differences between the cultures of Africa and the Middle East and Asia and the Americas, as well as differences between Christian and Muslim cultures and Hindu and Buddhist cultures, similar differences existed in the first century.

For example, in many cases, a woman from a Greek or Roman background might have quite a bit more freedom than one from a Jewish background.

There were even variations within Roman peoples by geographic region.

So women in Athens, Greece, appear to have had about as much freedom as a Jewish woman, which wasn't much outside the home.

But in Asia Minor, women were engaged in business, they could serve public office, then they even had positions in the various religions of the time.

There are even indications that they could vote.

That's important to recognize because it gives us a little bit of pause about making a blanket statement that this is an aspect of culture that doesn't fit today's culture.

That's not necessarily true, because cultures varied in Peter's time just as they vary today.

Because of that variation, it doesn't negate application to us.

It simply means we have to figure out how it applies within our culture.

Now, there is a particular cultural difference that was much more widespread and prevalent in the New Testament times than there is today.

That pertained to religious conversion.

In the Roman world, the household followed the husband or the father or the master of the household in his religion.

So whatever religion the father, the husband, chose, that's what the rest of the household followed as well.

For example, in Acts chapter 16, we see the account of the Philippian jailer.

Acts 16 · chapter mention

Paul and Silas were being held in jail when God caused an earthquake to release them.

Throughout that process, the jailer came to faith in Christ, along with, Luke records for us, all his household.

That was common.

It was normal and expected.

So if a husband changed faiths, if he changed religions, it was expected that not only would the wife follow the new religion, but the children would, and the servants would, and any employees within the household would.

Now imagine, imagine if it was not a husband, but a wife who came to faith in Christ.

Which was quite common.

The believing wife now submits to Christ first.

And in obedience to Christ, she can no longer follow her husband in his religion.

The result would be more impactful than simply upsetting the proverbial apple cart.

In the Roman world, it would be considered revolting against the established order.

To refuse to go along with your master's religion or your father's faith or your husband's faith would not only disrupt the home, but it was believed culturally to be disruptive to the fabric of the entire empire.

Now add to that many of the common accusations charged against Christians.

In the early decades of Christianity, Christians were routinely thought to engage in cannibalism.

Because when you gather to partake in the Lord's table, you are partaking of the body and blood of Christ.

Misunderstanding, of course, were not cannibals, but that was a misunderstanding applied to Christians.

So Christians were often thought to be cannibals.

Meals in which they celebrated communion were called the love feast.

And they called people brothers and sisters in Christ.

That led to false accusations of incest and religious order orgies.

Those were common accusations against Christians used by pagan opposition to accuse Christians of sedition, of undermining the empire, being a danger to society and a traitor to the emperor.

Now imagine that it was your husband, your wife, your son or daughter, your niece or nephew, your employee among that group.

If those things were being said of that kind of person that you were close to, you would be right to be concerned, wouldn't you?

That is the primary cultural context Peter addressed.

The apostle understood that it was common for the culture, as we see back in verse 12 of chapter 2, to speak against Christians as evildoers.

According to common culture, Christians were those kinds of people that did evil things because they were barbarians who ate other people and committed terrible acts.

And yet, God expected his people to make the gospel beautiful through their submission to God's ordained structure at various levels of society.

So we have first our submission to every human institution in chapter 2, verse 13.

Every human authority, especially in terms of government.

We have submission to those in authority over us in life.

In the next section, beginning in verse 15, chapter 2.

We have submission to employers, to teachers, to parents, to whomever might be over us in authority.

There is encouragement here to live under God's established order in the world.

And to live in such a way that if we suffer because of it, that suffering will be unjust.

In other words, don't give people a good reason to berate you.

Don't give people a true reason to punish you or to persecute you.

Make sure that if you experience those kinds of things, it is for an unjust reason.

By living beautiful lives within God's ordered structure in the world, we display the beauty of the gospel to a watching world.

Even to those who mistreat us.

That's why at the end of the second chapter, the Lord Jesus is put forth as our example to follow in that kind of submission.

Now in chapter 3, Peter moves on to the home, a smaller, structured set within God's larger order.

But the theme is the same.

We are to display the beauty of the gospel in our homes.

Now this is specifically directed toward the marriage relationship, but I want to make application to all of us, no matter where in life you might be at the present time.

So look with me more closely at verses one and two, where we see the hope of submission.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.

Notice, not to other people's husbands, but to your own, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Notice again that Peter isn't starting a new conversation.

He says, likewise, continuing what has come before.

Especially going all the way back to verse 11 of chapter 2.

So he is applying the command that all of God's people line up under to live under the authority structure he has caused us to be in.

And he applies that to various groups of people.

And here it is applied specifically to wives and later to husbands and then to all of us in the church.

Here it is applied specifically to wives with unbelieving husbands.

Husbands who would normally in that culture expect their wives to believe as they do.

But now they follow Christ.

What do they do?

Paul says in Romans chapter 7 that a believer should not seek escape from the marriage in that kind of situation.

Romans 7 · chapter mention

They should not seek a divorce.

If the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, the unbelieving spouse is free to do that, and the believing spouse is also free.

But by remaining in the marriage and seeking to submit in that situation, the believing spouse brings the unbelieving spouse into some of the benefits of God's grace.

And what's more, God may use the submission of a Christian wife to bring an unbelieving husband to faith.

It doesn't say that God will use pestering or nagging or preaching.

In fact, it says without a word.

Now, that doesn't mean that he doesn't need to hear the gospel.

He needs to hear the gospel because faith comes by hearing, right?

No, they need to hear the gospel, but by living under God's created structure where the husband is the head of the family, God can use the Christian woman's submission to that authority to save her husband.

In that position, the Christian wife has unbelieving strength to lead a husband to faith.

Now we need to make clear here, very clear, that this by no means commands a woman to remain in an abusive or unsafe situation.

We cannot recommend or condone that.

Nothing here says that wives must submit to sinfully abusive husbands.

Instead, Peter says, here's the focus.

Live a godly life.

Within whatever order God has placed you, and let him use your godliness, your righteousness, your holiness to display the beauty of the gospel of grace.

And God may even save someone because of it.

Now that's not limited to just wives.

It's specifically directed to wives with unbelieving husbands in this text and in this context.

But here, when we begin in chapter 2, verse 11 and we go on, it applies to each and every one of us.

Whatever the authority structure is within which God has placed you, whatever the structure is within which you work and play and live, God may use your living under that structure to bring someone to saving faith.

Whether you are elementary age, a middle schooler, a high schooler, college, or older, make the gospel beautiful in your home and in your world by submitting to God's ordained order.

Make the gospel beautiful.

Now there are many ways in which to do that, but it begins with character.

That's why Peter continues on to say, develop the beauty of righteous character.

Do not let your adorning be external.

Some of your Bibles might have the word merely external.

That is the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear.

But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

This is another place in which we need to be careful.

It's easy here to make the Bible and therefore make God say something that he's not really saying.

This is not a directive to avoid braiding your hair.

That's not what it says.

This does not say that you should stop dressing up for church or some other situation.

That's not what it says.

It's speaking about a matter of priority.

Pay more attention to your character that you develop within you than the outward display of what might be considered beautiful.

Now culture again helps us understand what Peter is saying.

Greek scholar Bill Mounts says the historical understanding of this verse is simply that ladies are not to braid their hair.

But what is wrong with braided hair?

Nothing.

There is nothing inherently wrong with twisting strands of hair around themselves.

Nothing morally wrong with that.

But he continues on.

All you have to do is look at some ancient statues of wealthy women within the Roman world.

Their hair is braided.

It is pulled tightly against their head, and then they put jewels, gold, and pearls into their hair, thus enforcing a social pecking order and class system that is woefully inappropriate for the church as a community of loving brothers and sisters.

Here that is applied to the home, to the marriage relationship.

Is outward beauty and fanciful dress wrong?

Well, if we say yes, then we miss the point.

We don't want to miss the point.

The point is that God says godly character is a far greater beauty than anything you do to fancy up your appearance.

And rather than set yourself apart from other people by how you appear, set yourself apart from other people by how you develop your character.

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Well, in this case, Peter says the beholder is God Himself.

God Himself.

Part of a godly wife's submission to her husband is to work on developing godly character, not that her husband finds beautiful, but that God finds beautiful.

That takes precedence over any other kind of effort made to make yourself appear.

Of course, that applies to all of us, doesn't it?

Not only is godly character appropriate and beautiful, it is expected of every man, woman, and child that names the name of Christ.

And as we develop that kind of character that pleases God, it enables us to submit to God's order in a much more righteous way.

Now there is one final note here to wives, and that is to follow godly examples.

What God expects is nothing new.

In fact, he says, it's been patterned already.

Just as the Lord Jesus is our pattern during unjust suffering at the end of chapter 2, Sarah, Abraham's wife, is put forth as a pattern to follow in submission.

The beauty she developed was the beauty of character that enabled her to submit to her husband Abraham as the head of their family.

What does Peter say?

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.

And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Now, guys, I must tell you, please do not insist that your wife or significant other call you Lord.

I do not recommend that for your own well-being.

This is not given in the pattern of a command, but as an example of godly character and action lived out within God's structure of marriage.

The character that Sarah developed enabled her to lovingly, kindly, and respectfully and even obediently submit to Abraham's leadership.

And let's admit, Abraham was often a terrible leader.

He took them down to Egypt and lied about being married to his wife and put her in danger.

Abe didn't always make wise decisions.

Now that doesn't mean Sarah didn't have an opinion, or couldn't express an opinion, or couldn't speak up.

Doesn't mean that Abraham didn't listen to her.

In fact, if you read Genesis carefully, you'll see that God actually told Abraham to listen to his wife and do what she said at one point.

What Peter wants us to understand is that Sarah developed submission to God's structure in marriage, and she cultivated godly character that enabled her to yield to Abraham's leadership.

And wives, Peter says, are her spiritual children if they do not fear what might happen if they do that.

If instead they trust God that He intended this structure to be, and He put them in that place, and they don't need to do that with fear.

But let's remember here that the bottom line is not about submission, it's about the gospel.

Wives are to seek to make the gospel beautiful in their home through their submission to God's order.

It's not about how you relate to your husband, it's how you relate to your God.

And do you make the good news of Jesus Christ beautiful in your home?

Now there's much more here to wives and women who might be wives than there is to men and husbands.

And sometimes women get a little frustrated with that.

I understand that.

But I would argue that the reason for that is because in the early days of the church in which Peter wrote, it was much more common for women to come to Christ than for husbands.

There were more of them, and they needed help in learning how to live a godly life in a world that expected them to follow the faith of their husbands.

They were often in marriages and in homes in which the gospel was not well received, and they needed help.

But don't worry, guys, you are not neglected.

You too have three encouragements, just in a briefer way.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Men, and especially husbands, must seek to be the chief servant in your family.

Nothing about God's instructions on submission to wives gives you reason or hope or authority to be a tyrant, to be demanding, to be demeaning, to be authoritative, or to be abusive.

Be a leader by serving.

Be strong enough in Christ that you can lead your wife and your family by humbly serving them, not yourself.

Be the chief servant by being considerate of your wife, by showing honor to her in her gender, and as a believer in Christ, if she is one.

Christ came to serve, not to be served.

And you likewise are called to love your wife as Christ loved the church, giving himself for her.

You do that because you too submit to Christ as Lord.

You young men and single men, start now.

Begin developing the strength of character that moves you to be a servant like Christ and to Christ.

We need these admonitions because the individualistic, self-centered nature of our sin puts each one of us in a place of resistance to submission.

We don't like it.

We don't like to line up under authority of any kind.

We want to be free to do as we please.

So those who are in a position of leadership within God's structure must work to lead lovingly and graciously and wisely, and that takes great strength of character.

Imagine for a moment your workplace.

Imagine your workplace.

I've worked for bosses that were a joy to work for.

They made the environment just a great place to be, an enjoyable place to work.

I've also had a boss that was a burden and made it a place I wanted to avoid.

Allison can attest that I would often come home from a long day at work and say, do I have to go back there?

Men, you don't want your homes to be like that.

You don't want your wives frustrated and wishing that something were different.

You don't want anyone within your structure that you lead to feel like that.

If you are a leader outside of your home, you don't want your employees or those who are working for you or serving you or serving with you or are volunteering under you.

You do not want them to feel as though do I really have to go back there and do that.

That does not make the gospel beautiful.

It makes it detested.

The employer that I worked for that made it really hard to want to go back was a believer in Christ.

And I constantly had to fight with all the other employees, not fight with them, but fight, helping them see the gospel does not look like that.

We don't want to present the gospel in that kind of way.

So how do we do that?

First, seeking to serve others through your leadership.

Here it is, your wife and your family, but it can be anywhere.

Put others' interests before yours.

Consider their needs and their interests and their desires before you consider yours.

Listen to the wisdom and the insight that God has given you in your spouse or those who work for you or those who serve with you.

Show what the character of Christ looks like in your leadership.

Now, not only should you seek to be the chief servant in your family, you should work at growing in knowledge and in the giving of honor.

When Peter here speaks of women as the weaker vessel, he's simply referring to the general pattern of the female gender being physically different than males.

As a general pattern, women are physically weaker than men.

Men, your leadership should be in line with how God created your wife.

She is different than you physically, and that difference deserves honor.

She is not you.

And therefore you need to work to understand her and how God has made her.

Will you understand women?

Probably not.

But you can work to understand one woman.

The one whom God has given you to lead and serve and honor.

If you fail in growing in your knowledge of her, if you fail in growing and giving her honor, then you are sinfully self-centered, which naturally leads to authoritarianism and abusiveness.

Which leads us to the final point that Peter makes, which is that we need to view women appropriately for our own spiritual health.

What is the appropriate view of women?

Well, if we misread this passage, we might assume that women are weaker and in some way inferior to men, but remember, we are not misreading the text, right?

We've clarified the misinterpretations, we've clarified misapplications.

That would be a wrong and even sinful assumption to make.

Instead, Peter clarifies it.

He says men and women stand equal before God as heirs of the grace of life.

Let's flesh that out quickly.

Heirs receive an inheritance, right?

That's what an heir means.

It's part of inheritance.

Heirs have received an inheritance.

The inheritance here is life, eternal life, life in the kingdom of God in Christ.

That inheritance of life has come to them by grace.

It is not something they earned, it is not something they deserved, it was not something they worked for, it was something given to them by grace.

Heirs do not earn that life.

It is given to them by God's choice because of grace.

Therefore, men and women, boys and girls, husbands and wives who are believers in Christ stand before the throne of God as equals.

There is no difference.

If we are equals before God as recipients of His grace, then we ought to live out our lives as equals, receiving the grace of God.

If you don't do that, if you lead inappropriately by failing to properly see the grace given to women and wives in Christ, then your prayers may be hindered.

Now we aren't told how, just that they might be.

Your spiritual life could be negatively impacted if you do not lead your wife in a godly way.

Notice it doesn't give such a warning to wives.

Doesn't say that if wives don't submit, they their prayers are hindered.

Doesn't say that, no.

Men, whether you like it or not, you bear the greater responsibility to lead well.

Don't let your spiritual health be impacted by failing to grasp what God has called you to be and to do.

Instead, God says to husbands, lead in such a way that the gospel is made beautiful in your leadership.

But what does that then do for submission?

Nothing.

Except give guidance for it.

Equals can submit.

As a human being, I am not inferior to the patrol officer.

But if he pulls me over and issues me a citation, I submit to him.

Or if he directs traffic, I submit to his direction.

If I have an employer, a boss, I am not inferior to him or to her as a human being, but I can submit out of respect and honor for his or her position within the order or structure of the company.

The same is true in marriage.

God has designed his world to work best in certain orders, in certain structures.

And within his created pattern for marriage, he has called husbands to lead with gracious strength, with understanding wisdom, and with consideration of the one whom God has given to help you.

If you fail to do that, not only are you hindering your spiritual health, but you are not receiving God's gracious gift to you and your spouse.

You may not be married or married yet.

That's okay.

Because that is God's good place for you right now.

You might be young and thinking, boy, I'm glad that's a long way off.

And that's okay too.

That's God's good place for you right now.

You might be older and married.

That's okay.

That's God's good place for you right now.

The amazing thing about these truths in this passage is that there's that there is nothing actually amazing about them.

They are merely characteristics that God calls each one of his children to have.

And he calls us to work them out, to live them out, to flesh them out in whatever structure, whatever order he has placed us in in this world.

So consider your place in life today.

Are you young and still living at home?

Remember that God put you in that structure and you are to submit to your parents' authority.

Do that in such a way that God's good news of Jesus dying and rising again looks beautiful in your life.

God's word says to obey your parents, but if you disobey, then that makes God's grace look terrible, doesn't it?

Are you a student with teachers and other students leading you and surrounding you?

Live your life in such a way to make the gospel beautiful to them.

Respond and interact with your teachers and your friends in such a way that Christ is made beautiful through your life.

Do you have a roommate?

Live with them by considering them more important than yourself.

Make the gospel beautiful in your life with your roommates.

Do you have a job?

Do your boss and your coworkers see you day in and day out displaying the beauty of the gospel in your labor, in your diligence, in your attitude, in your responses?

Do they see you submitting to the structure in which God has placed you as though you were submitting to Christ Himself?

Yes, this passage is about husbands and wives.

But brothers and sisters in Christ, it impacts each and every one of us right where we are today.

Do you live your life in submission to God's order?

If you lead in any way within a structure that God has put in place, do you lead in such a way that the gospel is made beautiful through your leadership?

Don't make submission or even leadership the key point of this text.

This all goes back to chapter 2, verse 12.

That they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Will people see Jesus in you?

Lord Jesus, we confess that so often we allow ourselves to get in the way.

We've already seen in this book of 1 Peter that sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

Sin rises up within us and we resist what you've brought our way.

We fight against the place in which you've put us.

May you forgive us.

And as you cleanse us by washing us with the blood of Jesus Christ and your word to make us whole and holy.

Make us beacons of the gospel.

Make us so that we do not fight against our world, but that we search for ways in which to point to you, even without our words.

And may you work through us.

May you work powerfully to bring some to saving faith as we make the gospel beautiful.

Amen.