Forgiveness

Well, Fred Stone called me about 3 o'clock yesterday afternoon and said,

Can you preach for me tomorrow?

But before he said a word, he's something like this,

Can you preach for me tomorrow?

And my response was, Fred, you sound awful.

And running a fever, thought he had the flu, not feeling good,

so we need to pray for him, and as has already been mentioned,

we need to pray for Lisa.

Fred and I are alike in a lot of ways, and Lisa and Ann have compared notes,

and we're not very good patients, I know, so pray for Lisa.

Pray for Fred that he'll get better as well.

A few weeks ago, when he was going through Colossians,

as he was going through Colossians 3, Fred preached about forgiveness.

And so I want to speak about forgiveness today,

not in any way to try to compete with what he's already said,

because I agree with everything he said.

It was a good sermon.

What I want to do is just take one facet of forgiveness and share it with you.

So if you have your Bibles, if you'll turn to Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 32.

Ephesians 4 · chapter mention

One verse.

While you're turning, Colossians chapter 3 and verses 12 and 13 says,

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

So as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved,

put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,

bearing with one another and forgiving each other.

Whoever has a complaint against anyone,

just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

Then in Ephesians 4 and verse 32.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other,

just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Forgiveness is good for our souls.

Forgiveness is healthy.

Forgiveness is Christian.

Forgiveness is right.

Forgiveness is a gift from God that transforms us or should

to the point that we become like our Savior

in that we forgive when we've been wronged.

Now that's hard to do.

It's tough to do.

I remember many years ago now

when I was a pastor at Roebuck Baptist in Spartanburg,

I preached a sermon about forgiveness.

And I was younger then

and knew more then, of course, than I know now.

But I really preached it.

And I preached it hard.

And the next morning on Monday,

I go into a barber shop

that a woman had disguised as a beauty parlor.

But her ministry to me was,

I'll cut your hair for free.

Now, please, it was many years ago

when I had some hair.

So I go in there and I'm sitting in the chair.

She's cutting my hair.

And the guy comes in and he was at church Sunday.

He said, preacher, I heard that sermon about forgiveness.

I said, yeah.

He said, man, I don't know.

He said, that's hard.

I said, yeah.

He said, that forgiveness, he said, I don't know.

He said, there's some people

that's done things so wrong and so bad to me.

I don't think I can ever forgive them.

And so I said, yeah, you can.

Not knowing any better, I said, sure you can.

Looking back on it, I think it was the right thing to do

because you can because Jesus Christ

will never ask us to do anything

that he will not empower us to do.

So if forgiveness is God's will and it is,

you and I should be people of forgiveness.

We should be discerning.

We should be intelligent.

We should be wise.

But we should be people of forgiveness.

And forgiveness is not about how we feel.

It's about what we do.

It's not feeling something

as much as it is being committed to something.

So when we forgive somebody, we cancel the debt.

We don't hold it against them.

It's not something that we carry any longer

in our hearts, the hurt.

Dr. David Benner, who was a clinical Christian psychologist,

said this,

the single most important concept in biblical Christianity,

wow, the single most important concept

in biblical Christianity is forgiveness.

It is a freeing, empowering, refreshing, healing,

and joyful experience, which is capable

of transforming all of life.

To forgive is to show love.

To forgive is to actually receive love.

The Bible says we're to love one another,

to love our mates, to love our enemies.

And it's not so much that we're going to have

these effervescent feelings,

but that we are going to be committed

to do what is the right thing.

On Monday, December the 1st, 1997,

in Paducah, Kentucky,

and the reason I go back that far and remember that

is because when I was working on my second master's degree,

then there was a guy in the class

who was from Paducah, Kentucky,

and I had never heard of the place before,

but then sometime later, this happened,

and I was remembering that,

and I recall my friendship with him.

About a dozen students, you remember,

gathered to pray before school had started.

It was outside the administration building

at Heath High School.

Classes were getting ready to start,

and the prayer meeting was about to end

when shots rang out,

and a 22-year-old freshman

with an automatic .22 pistol came in,

and he began firing into the prayer meeting.

He killed three.

He seriously wounded five.

One of the girls that was wounded,

her name was Melissa Jenkins.

She was 15 years old,

and she had been shot.

She was taken to a nearby hospital,

and they did surgery on her,

but the results were

that she would be a paraplegic

for the rest of her life.

So as the days went by,

and she was able to talk,

she said to people who had visited her,

tell the shooter,

I forgive him.

Now that rocked the media.

They didn't know how to handle that

because the secular media

does not know how to handle spiritual stuff.

They were shocked by that.

They couldn't believe it.

Forgiveness is hard.

Forgiveness is not natural.

Forgiveness is supernatural

because forgiveness is the work of God

to us and through us

and in the lives of other people.

Just a few years ago,

you remember the Emanuel Nine

at Mother Emanuel AME Church

when Dylan Roof, a white supremacist,

comes in to a small prayer meeting

on a Wednesday night

and pulls out a weapon

and kills, murders nine people.

And once again,

the media was absolutely stunned

when that church rallied around

and then you had families of the victims

saying, we forgive him.

That's not natural.

The world doesn't expect that.

The media doesn't expect that.

Some Christians don't even expect that.

But that's what God expects from us.

To forgive.

But I would remind you that

over 2,000 years

before the Emanuel Nine

or before Melissa Jenkins

or before all these other terrible shootings,

Jesus Christ dying on the cross,

dehydrated in great pain,

bearing the sin of the world.

And just before he died,

do you remember what Jesus said?

Father, forgive them.

For they don't know what they're doing.

And we have a tendency to separate

who Jesus was and who we are

and we shouldn't

because the Bible says

he is in us

in the person of his spirit.

And if he is in us,

then we should be growing more and more

to be like him.

And Jesus Christ was about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is mentioned 260 times in the Bible.

A few years ago,

I went out to Dallas, Texas.

And I have had a license as a counselor

for a number of years.

But some of you know this.

If you're in any kind of profession

that you have to have a license

or certification,

then you have to go through continuing education.

You have to get these CEUs.

So they're having this

Christian counseling conference

and had these national speakers.

And then you know how those things go.

You have a plenary speaker

and then you have tracks.

And you have all these different courses

or tracks you can get on.

And I noticed that Dr. Richard Walters,

his track was forgiveness.

So I decided to take his lectures during the week

and I bought his book,

which was about forgiveness.

And I'll never forget

when he stood up the first day of his seminar,

he said this.

He's in Boulder, Colorado.

Christian psychologist.

Private practice.

He said,

over 90% of all the people I see in my practice

have an issue.

And the issue is forgiveness.

They either need to receive it

or they need to give it.

No wonder then Benner would say

it's the single most important concept

in biblical Christianity.

Forgiveness.

Dr. Walter said,

when we don't forgive,

there's three things that happen.

There's broken relationships.

And a person has a tendency

to become kind of paranoid,

cynical, suspicious of almost everyone.

And then the second thing

is broken fellowship with God.

And he says,

you cannot have joy.

You can't be a witness.

You cannot really walk with God

if you don't receive forgiveness,

if you don't give forgiveness.

And then the third thing

is broken health.

And he says,

unforgiving people have a tendency

to have more physical difficulties

than others.

Well,

that was the introduction.

So I want to share two things

with you this morning.

And you know it's going to be short,

right Brian?

Because it's only two things.

The first is the foundation.

He says,

forgiving each other

just as God in Christ

has also forgiven you.

The foundation.

So why do we even need that verse

in the Bible?

He says,

forgiving each other.

And he's talking about Christians,

people that are born again,

forgiving each other.

Then the reason it's there

and the reason it's for Christians

is because we need it,

because we fail,

because we sin,

and because we hurt others,

and we are hurt by others.

It's a real temptation to say,

if you are perfect,

would you stand up and testify

about what life is like,

like that?

But I won't do it

because you never know

in a service

when some deranged person

may come in

thinking they're actually perfect.

We're not.

We sin.

We fail.

We stumble.

But we're to be forgiving.

And we're to receive forgiveness.

So the problem we have is

the problem of sin.

And guess what?

Sin doesn't go away.

It's always been in the world.

It always will be in the world.

And the root of sin is pride.

And pride is the reason

we don't forgive.

We don't think we need to forgive.

We think we're too good to forgive.

We're too hurt to forgive.

We know too much to forgive.

Pride gets even.

Pride destroys.

Proverbs 16 and verse 18 says,

Pride goes before destruction

and a haughty spirit before stumbling.

And Hebrews 12 and verse 1 says,

Laying aside every encumbrance

and the sin.

Note the article.

The sin which so easily entangles us.

A lot of Christians have been bothered by that.

They think it's this sin or this sin,

this thing I do or this thing I do.

But what the writer is talking about is

the sin is unbelief.

Theologically it's unbelief.

You flip it over and the other side of the coin

is psychologically.

It's pride.

And they're one and the same.

The sin that so easily entangles us

from pride, from unbelief,

comes this unwillingness to forgive.

And if we're unwilling to forgive

when we know we need to forgive,

then what happens inside of us

is a sort of bitterness

and stillness spiritually

begins to set up.

John MacArthur said,

Refusing to forgive

is a horrible sin.

Now forgiveness and reconciliation

are not the same thing.

You can forgive somebody

and you may never be able

to be reconciled with that person,

but you can never be reconciled

with someone

if you're not forgiving

of that person.

The problem is sin.

But the power

is Jesus Christ.

There's never been a shortage

of power

with Christ.

I'm in the process

of writing a book

about angels

and it's fascinating

about angels.

And I had one to appear

in my life

although I've never seen

an angel.

But Christ is so much

more powerful

than angels

and all the angels exist

to serve and honor

and glorify Jesus Christ.

The power is in Christ.

When His Spirit is in us,

it's His power

that works in us.

Forgiven people

know how to forgive.

Forgiven people

should be forgiving people.

Oh, but there's, you know,

that bothering story

in Matthew 18.

23 through 27.

The man had a debt

of 10,000 talents.

Huge debt.

The largest talent

was the largest

denomination of money

in the Roman Empire

in circulation.

One talent was equal

to 6,000 denarii

and a denarius

was a day's wage

for an everyday laborer

or a soldier.

6,000 denarii

would equal

about 17 years

of wages

and a debt

of 10,000 talents

would take 10,000 men

about 17 years

to pay off.

It would take

at least 100 men

a lifetime

to pay it off.

The debt

was insurmountable.

It was impossible

to pay off.

It was something like

12 to 14 million dollars.

And that's the debt

this man has accumulated.

The Bible doesn't say

how he accumulated it,

but he accumulated it

and he couldn't pay it.

So he goes to

the people he's indebted to

and he asks for mercy

and then they say,

your debt's been forgiven.

It's canceled.

You don't owe anything.

And then he leaves

that relieved,

wouldn't you?

He's rejoicing

and he runs into

his friend on the street

who owes him $20.

And he says,

give me my money.

I don't have,

if you don't give me

my money,

I'm going to have you

thrown in jail.

And he had him

thrown in jail.

And then Jesus

makes the point

that this man

did not know forgiveness

because if he knew

forgiveness

of this insurmountable death

like we had with sin

and was not willing

to forgive a man

$20,

he did not know

the power

or the principle

or the reality

of forgiveness.

Ephesians 1, 7 says,

we have redemption

through his blood,

the forgiveness

of our trespasses

according to the riches

of his grace.

God never overlooks sin

for God's sin is serious

and sin ought to be

serious for us.

And God paid the price

for sin.

When the price for sin

is paid,

our condition,

our condition

has been changed.

God looks at us

not as sinners then

but he looks at us

as redeemed

but we commit sins.

And that's where we go

to a verse like

1 John 1, 9.

If conditional.

If we confess

our sins.

He's faithful

and righteous

to forgive us our sins

and cleanse us

of all unrighteousness.

It is a condition

based on the confessing

and the confess.

Mike,

I know you're

a Greek scholar.

The confess

is a compound word

in Greek.

Homo,

legio.

Homo meaning same.

Legio meaning word.

Speak the same word.

Say the same thing.

In other words,

agree with God.

When we confess

our sin to God,

we are agreeing

with God

that what we've done

is wrong.

Instead of playing games,

instead of hiding,

instead of not owning up

to it,

we confess it

with God.

Pain,

hurt,

that lingers

in our heart

will fester

spiritually.

and if we don't

confess that,

it will lead

to this heart,

this spirit,

this practice

of unforgiveness.

The last thing,

the second thing

is the explanation.

He says,

forgiving each

other.

Now,

what do we do

when we forgive somebody?

Well,

somebody,

say somebody comes

to us

and they say,

you know what,

I did this,

will you forgive me?

We say,

yeah,

I forgive you.

Now,

one thing with the problem

with that

is that most of us

in this country,

Christians,

when somebody says,

will you forgive me

and we don't want

to talk about it,

we don't have to deal

with the hurt,

we say,

oh yeah,

yeah,

I forgive you

because we don't

think about it.

We haven't forgiven them,

we just say,

I don't want to talk about it.

Forgiveness is a process.

Forgiveness takes time.

It doesn't just,

to forgive someone,

you have to feel

what has happened

and you have to release

any claim on that.

You have to be willing

to cancel the debt

even though somebody

has done you wrong.

Remember the model prayer

in Matthew 6

and verse 12.

Jesus said,

forgive us our debts

as we also have forgiven

our debtors

or our trespasses

as we forgive those

who trespass against us.

Our condition

has changed

but our practice

as sinners

continues.

when we forgive

we release

and we don't take it back.

Now you can forgive someone

and never be able

to walk in fellowship

with that person again

depending on the person's life

not yours.

Let me give you an example.

I'm like Fred,

I'm a dog man,

I don't particularly like cats.

So,

if I'm walking down the street

and there's this

fenced in front yard

and I go by the sidewalk

and there's a little dog

on the inside

and he's jumping up

and down,

he's wagging his tail

which is a sign to say

I love you,

I love you,

I love you.

And I open the gate

and I go and I say,

hey little buddy,

how you doing?

He goes,

he writes my finger off.

And I'm bleeding profusely

and so I wrap it up

and I run down

to the doctor

and he stitches it up

and he says,

look,

we can't save your finger,

you're gonna be without a finger.

And I recover

and get back on my daily walk

and I go by that same house

and that same dog

and the dog's barking

and wagging his tail again

and I said,

I'm not messing with you.

Now I've forgiven the dog,

I didn't kill the dog.

I've forgiven the dog

but I'm not gonna get in there

with the dog,

have fellowship with it

because the nature of the dog

has not changed.

There's some people

you'll meet in life

because of the way,

the trajectory they're on,

where they live,

what their life is like,

they may do something

to hurt you

and you may forgive them

but you may not be able

to be reconciled with them

or to have fellowship with them.

But when you forgive,

a commitment is made

and that commitment

is maintained.

How can we tell

if we need

to forgive somebody?

Have you ever wondered that?

Dr. Walters in his book

and I've used this for years

in counseling with people

would give them a list of things

and this was on the list.

But he said,

there's six things

that you can ask

and he used this

as a checklist

in his practice

in counseling with people.

Six things

to see if you need

to forgive someone.

Let me give them to you

real quickly.

Number one is,

do I often think

about the hurt?

Do I often think

about the hurt

and have strong feelings

of anger?

Now there's a difference

in being hurt

and being unforgiving.

If you're hurt,

you can be forgiving.

You can be hurt

and be unforgiving

but there's a difference

in the two.

Second,

do I imagine

or desire injury

or hurt

coming to the person

who hurt me?

Revenge is the opposite

of forgiveness.

Many years ago

when I was pastor

at Roebuck Baptist

in Spartanburg

doing counseling,

there was a couple

that joined our church.

It was a blended family.

They both had lost

their mates

and so they come together

as this blended family

and blended,

they had eight children.

So it was a struggle

from the very beginning

and they just kind of

got married

before anybody knew it.

Bam!

And there they were.

And so they came to me

for counseling.

I counseled with them

for a few weeks

and then one day

she comes in alone

and she is absolutely hysterical.

What happened?

He's gone.

What do you mean he's gone?

While I was at work,

he had a U-Haul come,

loaded up all his furniture,

took his kids

and they've gone to Florida.

I said,

oh my.

And she was,

I mean,

she was hot.

She was livid.

And so we began to talk

and I'm thinking,

well,

how can we work through this now?

I didn't want to say,

well,

how do you feel about him?

Because I had an idea

how she felt about him.

As we began to talk,

forgiveness was a little early

in the conversation.

I was just trying to get her

to a place

that she didn't want to kill him.

And I said,

well,

after a couple of times,

I said,

well,

how are you feeling

about things now?

She said,

well,

you know what?

I don't want him to die.

And I thought,

well,

that's a success.

She said,

I just want him

to have an accident

or get a disease

and just linger

for a long time in pain.

That's not forgiveness.

That's not forgiveness.

Do I imagine hurt

or injury

coming to this person?

The third thing,

do I go out of my way

to avoid the person?

They have hurt me.

Do I go out of my way

to avoid them?

The fourth thing is,

do I have physical symptoms

like irritability

when we think of that person

or that wrong?

Does it change

the way I behave?

Number five,

do I directly

or indirectly

attack

the other person?

Am I very aggressive

aggressive

or am I passive aggressive?

And then number six,

am I critical

of myself,

self-demanding

and self-condemning?

In other words,

if I am angry

and I'm not going

to express it

to this person

because I'm going

to avoid them

and I'm not

confessing it

to God,

then that means

I'm suppressing it

and if I'm suppressing

that anger

that comes

from that hurt,

that means

I'm probably

depressed

and my countenance,

my inside,

my soul

changes.

Anybody,

you need to forgive.

The best time

to forgive somebody

is when you can.

I want to close

with this story

that happened

in my life.

I grew up

in the little town

of Iva,

South Carolina.

Has anybody

ever heard of it?

Okay.

I don't know

if you'd want

to go there today

but there was

a lady that grew

that was in my church

and she was

kind of the,

she was

Miss Missions

to everybody

in the whole area,

every church.

Her name

was Reva Wansley.

She was a school teacher.

She had been

a widow

for as long

as I knew her

as a little boy

growing up.

She had two jobs.

She'd be a substitute

teacher

and then she would

also work

for the Anderson

Independent

and she covered

Northeast Georgia

and she had

a column in there

called

Roving with Reva

and she'd tell

about all

these little things

that were happening

and dinners

and all this stuff

and coming

and going

and vacation

and get togethers

and stuff

in Northeast Georgia

but she was

a member

of the church

I grew up in

and she smelled

good.

I mean

she smelled

real good.

I mean

she smelled

strong

and you knew

Miss Reva

was coming

before she got there

and she wore

makeup

and she had

beautiful,

beautiful gray hair

but she put

her makeup

on

and she always

had these red

circles

that she put

on her cheeks

and she was

something else

but boy

was she mighty,

mighty

in prayer

and missions.

She loved

missions so much

she wanted

to help

missionaries

so much

that instead

of spending

money

and getting

new shoes

she would

cut out

of cardboard

the size

of her shoe

and put it

in her shoe

so she could

wear it longer

so she could

give more

to missions.

You talk

about Lottie Moon

Christmas offering

this is a woman

that inspired

many,

many people

to give.

Well I came

along and

after she had

retired from

just about

everything

I was working

at the Anderson

Independent

for a couple

of years

I went to

University of

South Carolina

I continued

to be a writer

for them

in the sports

department

and then I

announced

that I was

God had called

me into ministry

and I was

shifting gears

and I was

going to study

for the ministry

then.

Well I got

a letter

from her

it means a lot

to me

so I'm going

to share

it with you

I hope it

means something

to you

she said

my dear

Rudy

congratulations

I'm so proud

of you

I'm expecting

great things

of you

and I'm sure

I won't be

disappointed

you're doing

well as a

sports writer

I read

and enjoy

all you write

and she gave

me a list

of several

verses

and then said

these along

with others

have meant

so much

to me

in my life

and work

they are so

very comforting

when the going

gets tough

don't let

anything

discourage you

in life

discouragements

will come

but don't let

them get you

down

I'm so proud

of the interest

you are taking

in the Lord's

work

keep it up

may God

bless you

and use you

in a marvelous

way

now and always

I love you

dearly

and she signed

it

Mrs. Wansley

in 1978

there was a

fire in her

house

she was 81

at the time

she had a

retarded son

who was 57

and somehow

he had turned

a kerosene

heater over

it had spilled

out and the

house had caught

fire and she

was unable

to move

and it burned

60% of her

body badly

she was in

intensive care

and they

didn't hold

out much

hope

during that

time she

had a

daughter

who was

estranged

from her

mother

she wouldn't

speak to her

mother

she wouldn't

visit her

mother

she would

not even

go see her

mother on

her death

bed when

she was in

all that

pain in

the hospital

just before

she died

she said

this

tell her

her daughter

tell her

I'm going

to die

soon

I know

it

but tell

her

I have

forgiven

her

now what

I want

to say

to you

is that's

the way

forgiveness

works

when you

got it

in your

heart

you want

to let

that person

know

whatever

way

possible

I forgive

you

and it

is

liberating

it is

powerful

it is

compelling

it may

be the

single

most important

concept

in the

Christian

life

Jesus

forgave

his

message

to us

is

as I

have

forgiven

you

go and

forgive

has anybody

hurt you

anybody

done you

wrong

anybody

just done

something

that's not

right

big or

small

and you're

holding that

in your

heart

you won't

let go

of it

the most

freeing

releasing

powerful

thing

that you

can do

if that's

the case

is to

forgive

that person

now

sometimes

this happens

you hold

there for so

long that

person dies

and you're

still holding

that hurt

in your

heart

what can

you do

then

you still

can forgive

you still

can release

you can't

make the

circuit

complete

but you

can let

go

of the

hurt

you can

see the

person

differently

you can

cancel

the debt

anybody

you need

to

forgive

if there

is

would you

think about

praying about

it

and maybe

even this

week

as God

gives you

direction

to do

it

would you

just do

it

you say

do I

need to

talk to

that

person

maybe

maybe

not

most

cases

yes

because

you want

to make

that

circuit

complete

but if

they won't

hear you

they shut

the door

in your

face

they hang

up on

your phone

call

send them

a note

send them

an email

send them

a text

and let

them know

that you

forgive them

not in a

condescending

way

not in a

judgmental

way

but in a

genuinely

caring

way

like

Jesus

does

anybody

that you

need to

forgive

let's pray

together

father we

thank you

for the

power

and the

forgiveness

that you

empower

through us

we thank

you for

the

forgiveness

that you

give us

that is so

magnificent

so deep

so eternal

we'll never

get over it

help us

if we hold

on to

hurts

to get

over

ourselves

so that

we can

experience

a life

that reflects

obedience

to you

and finds

freedom

and not

bondage

from following

you

there's anyone

here that

really needs

to forgive

someone

I pray that

you would

give them

the grace

and the

strength

and the

courage

to do it

in Jesus

name

amen