Choosing My Words Wisely

Well, if you have your Bibles, look with me this morning to the book of James.

I love the book of James. Hope you do.

It's one of those practical books that teach us so much about how to live for the Lord Jesus.

And we're going to look this morning at chapter 3, verses 1 to 12.

So if you have your Bibles, go ahead and turn there.

We're speaking this morning about choosing our words wisely.

Choosing our words wisely.

Most all of us would probably admit, some of you wouldn't have to,

but a lot of us would admit that if we've had a struggle in life, it's been with our tongue, right?

And I think a lot of times in the church when we talk about the tongue,

we think so long as we avoid profanity, that we're in good shape.

But that's certainly not the case.

There are a lot of ways that you can hurt your testimony and hurt others by what you say.

And so words are very, very important.

I want to ask you to look with me at James chapter 3, verses 1 to 12.

James 3:1–12

And here's what we're going to do.

And guys in the back, this is my fault, not yours, okay?

But when we get to the slides, I'm going to change it a little bit.

After we read the passage, I'm going to just make the comments as we go,

and then we're going to skip those, I think it's four or five points there.

We're going to go down to James 1.

Look at that and then the concluding remarks.

So if you can do that, good.

And if you can't, that's on me.

Don't worry about it.

I'm not going to sweat it, okay?

All right, James chapter 3 and verse 1.

James 3 · chapter mention

Not many should become teachers, my brothers, knowing that we will receive a stricter judgment.

Now you've heard other admonitions in Scripture along that same line.

Paul makes one in his letter to Timothy.

And he warns folk about wanting to presume to be a teacher too quickly, right?

And I think a lot of times when we read that, if you're not familiar with chapter 3,

you think, well, what he's doing is he's saying that you're going to be held to a higher standard.

Judgment's going to fall on you if you don't accurately teach the Word of God.

And we're worried about missteps theologically and doctrinally, right?

So you want to be well-versed in Scripture,

and maybe you need to be careful about becoming someone who teaches others the Word of God.

But that's not the approach that James is making.

He gives us that warning, don't be too quick to teach.

But he's got another reason altogether in mind.

And he's the only one in Scripture that I can think of off the top of my head who makes this warning.

His warning is not because of what they might say when they're standing before their class.

His warning has to do with what they'll say when they're not in the presence of their class.

In other words, how they talk to others outside the classroom, outside the church building, outside the pulpit,

how they speak to their neighbor, how they speak to folk in business,

especially, I think, how they speak to their family and how they speak to their friends

and those with whom perhaps they have some kind of disagreement.

So look at his next warning in verse 2.

For we all stumble in many ways.

And he's talking specifically about the tongue.

And I think everybody here, if we're honest, would say at one time or another,

we've stumbled in how we use our tongue.

Let me just pause and say, when he talks about the tongue,

he's not concerned about this 4 or 5, 6 inch long thing that we call our tongue,

that piece of meat that hangs in our mouth, right?

He's talking about our speech.

It's not our literal tongue that gets us in trouble.

That's a metaphor for how we speak, the things we say, right?

So he says, for we all stumble in many ways.

If anyone does not stumble in what he says,

he is a mature man who is also able to control his whole body.

I'm going to tell you, somebody who can control their tongue

can control every other aspect of their life.

They're not going to be prone most times to give in to sexual temptation.

They're not going to be prone to allow their feet to take them places they shouldn't go.

If you can control your tongue, I'm going to tell you something.

You've gone a long way in life in becoming the person that God would have for you to become.

And then he gives some illustrations that every one of us can identify with.

Look at verse 3.

Now, when we put bits in the mouths of horses to make them obey us,

we also guide the whole animal.

I don't know how many of you love horses, know about horses, ride horses.

I'm not in that category.

When I was in high school, my junior or senior year, I had a friend who lived on a farm.

He had a horse, a couple of horses, and he would invite me out to his house.

We'd bird hunt, and then we'd get on those horses, and we'd just ride some.

But he's the one who knew all about the horses.

He would saddle it, and he would put the bridle in the mouth.

But I was amazed the first time I ever got on the back of that horse,

when you had that bridle in that horse's mouth.

This is a big old strong horse, much more powerful than the person on its back, right?

No match in strength at all.

But you put that bit in the horse's mouth, and you pull those reins to the left,

and he'll go to the left.

You pull it to the right.

He's going to go to the right.

You pull him back, and he's going to stop.

That bit controls that huge, huge beast.

And he says that's as it ought to be,

that rather than the beast control the man,

the man controls the beast through the use of the bit.

Look at verse 4.

And consider ships, though very large and driven by fierce winds,

they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot takes them or directs them.

I don't know about you, when I think about the marvels of the universe,

I marvel a lot of things that probably a lot of you don't.

It still amazes me.

You can pick up the phone and push some numbers,

and somebody talks on the other end of the line, right?

I know some of the science behind that, but it's still just a mystery to me.

One of the real mysteries to me, though, has always been ships.

To see a ship out there in the ocean.

I mean, here's this ship that weighs thousands of tons, right?

And it's loaded with cargo, and it's loaded with passengers.

And I understand buoyancy.

I understand how it floats.

But it's hard to imagine to me that you can propel that ship exactly in the direction you want it to go.

And even before there were motorized ships, when the wind pushed the ships, which is what James is talking about,

he says, here's this huge ship.

It's loaded down with cargo and with people.

And the captain can stand there with one hand on the wheel, right?

And he can turn it one way or turn it to another.

And because it has a connection to the rudder, that little small rudder,

which weighs absolutely nothing compared to the whole ship,

he directs that ship either to the left or right or straight.

He puts it exactly where it needs to go.

Look at verse 5.

So too, in the same way, in other words,

though the tongue is a small part of the body,

it boasts great things.

In other words, one of the smallest parts of your body is your tongue, right?

It's not nearly as consequential to look at as your eyes or your nose through which you breathe and your mouth

or your ears that you hear with or your feet that carry you places

or your arms that you're able to carry a load with.

It doesn't look nearly as consequential to be.

He says, boy, the tongue boasts great, great, great things.

And that's true, isn't it?

I want to ask you something.

Listen, don't raise your hand about this.

How many of you in the last 10 years have been in a fist bout with somebody?

Don't raise your hand, okay?

I hope nobody here.

Probably nobody here.

Maybe some child here, something like that, right?

Maybe you just had a real bad day sometime, okay?

But we don't get in trouble with our fist.

We don't get in trouble over just the things we think very often.

You know what gets us in trouble?

One and all, it's our mouth, isn't it?

I mean, you think about the troubles you've had most of the time in your life

because of the things you've said.

Either arguing with somebody or angry with somebody or belittling somebody

or you put your foot in your mouth, you said the wrong thing at the wrong time,

and sometimes unaware you do it.

But our mouths are what get us in trouble more than anything else, isn't it?

I mean, with the vast majority of people, that's true.

He says, so though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things.

Consider how large a forest of small fire ignites.

My son, my dad, my brother, and I were going fishing in Washington State

probably about 15 years ago.

We booked a flight, and at the last minute we had to change

because of forest fires throughout Montana.

We had to change our course of action.

It burned hundreds of thousands of acres.

And that's the point he makes.

You just start a little tiny fire, and it gets out of control,

and it can destroy a whole hundred thousand acres or more.

Verse 6, and the tongue is fire.

He says, I want you to understand, you're dealing with a force to be reckoned with

when you talk about a person's tongue.

You hear the expression, the power of the press.

They're talking about the power of words.

Man, words are powerful.

The tongue is a fire.

The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among the parts of our body.

And listen to what he says about it.

Two or three things it does.

It pollutes the whole body.

You know what something is when it's polluted, right?

It's contaminated.

I mean, it's good one moment, but it's turned bad because it becomes polluted,

and it's contaminated.

He says the tongue contaminates the whole body.

It sets the course of life on fire.

Can any of you think of some folk, you hear about it now all the time,

because of the woke movement.

That's a lot of nonsense at times, but I want to tell you something.

There are folks who have legitimately ruined their lives

because they spoke things they should never have said.

And again, I'm not talking about the modern-day woke movement.

I'm talking about they legitimately destroyed their lives

by saying things that should never have been said.

Sometimes they breach a confidence.

Sometimes they tell a lie.

Sometimes they speak hatefully.

Sometimes they speak cruelly.

And they have ruined their lives as well as the lives of others.

And so he says it sets the course of life on fire.

Many people have ruined their lives because of how they use their tongue.

There's a pastor whose name I could call today,

and some of you in this crowd, probably not all of you,

but some of you in this crowd, a number of you in this crowd,

the staff certainly would, would recognize this name

because he was considered about seven, eight years ago

one of the leading pastors in America.

Had one of the largest churches, one of these mega churches

out on the West Coast.

I mean, it just sprang up overnight,

and it was growing by the thousands of folk were attending this guy's church.

But you know what they discovered?

They discovered he had a bad mouth.

And I don't mean he just used profanity.

He did that on occasion, even in the pulpit.

But here's the other deal.

He had a wicked temper.

And what ultimately happened is he would turn on members of the congregation,

turn on staff folk, turn on family,

and he would say outrageous things until finally it cost him his church,

cost him, I don't even know about his family,

but it cost him his church,

and the church ultimately collapsed around him.

And so James is right.

The tongue, a word of unrighteousness,

is placed among the parts of our body.

It pollutes the whole body, sets the course of life on fire,

and is set on fire by hell.

I'm telling you, you better be careful about what you say

because it could be that you're being used of the devil in what you say

when you're hurtful with your speech.

Look at verse 7.

Every sea creature, reptile, bird, or animal is tamed and has been tamed by man.

Have you all ever been down to Sea World?

Man, they'll get those fish, crazy people will,

and they'll hold it out and let those killer whales come and eat out of their hand.

Ralph's not going to do that.

But there are folk who will do that,

and it's because they have learned they can train those animals to do certain things.

You ever seen those guys at the circus?

They lay down on the ground.

Or typically they have one of their workers lay down on the ground,

and they had that elephant come,

and the elephant will put his foot right over their stomach or their back,

but he won't put his weight down on them.

They trust that animal because they have trained that animal.

They will fight with lions and tigers and that sort of thing.

My granddaughter has a way with dogs.

She's got a little Australian Shepherd, and she's training it right now,

and it can throw up a ball, and it's just a puppy,

and it can catch that ball in midair and do all kinds of things.

When she was a little younger, my daughter, not her mother but her aunt,

would invite us over, and we'd play games, the whole family.

We'd be sitting in the dining room playing a game,

and Scout would be in there with her dog, Roxy, a black lab,

and she would teach her to do tricks.

And she taught her how to sit and how to lay down and how to roll over to the left

and roll over to the right and weave between her legs.

She would tell her to sit and stay, and then she would take dog biscuits and put them on each paw.

And you could tell that dog wanted those biscuits so bad.

And she would walk into another room and tell her, say, leave them,

and walk into another room and from the other room say, take them,

and that dog would eat those dog biscuits.

One day we're there at the house playing, and she is in the other room,

and I can tell she's teaching her to do something.

And so finally she comes into the dining room.

She looks at me and says, Papa, watch this.

She tells Roxy, Roxy, sit.

Roxy, sit.

Roxy, lay down.

Roxy, lays down.

She says, Roxy, and goes, bang.

The dog rolls over and sticks her leg straight up in the air, right?

And that's what James is saying.

He says, man, you can take an animal, and you can teach reptiles.

You can teach through giving them something to reinforce behavior.

You can teach birds and animals and creatures, everything in the world.

But good luck taming the tongue.

Good luck getting control over the tongue.

No man can tame the tongue, verse 8 says.

It is a restless evil full of deadly poison.

Strong word to use, isn't it?

I mean, you ladies, you ever leave poison out on your cabinets for kids to get into?

Of course not.

You guys in your garage, you got chemicals you know would harm grandchildren?

And you don't leave them within hand's reach, right?

You put that stuff up because you don't want your children to be poisoned.

But this is what he says.

You need to be aware the tongue is a deadly poison.

Man, it's a deadly, deadly poison.

And then he says this, verse 9.

We praise our Lord and Father with it,

and we curse men who are made in God's likeness with it.

Now, just a few moments ago, we sang songs about the goodness of God,

and we were praising him.

I commented on it in my prayer.

I thought the song selection was great, Brian.

We talk about praising God and how good God is,

and we occasionally listen to a sermon.

You ever been going down the road, you listen to a radio preacher,

and he said amen as he's preaching?

Well, praise the Lord.

Man, that's right.

You nailed it.

That's good.

He says, isn't it amazing?

We praise the Lord with our tongues,

and we can walk right out of a room of worship,

get in our car.

If we're not careful, we'll get into an argument with our spouse

or get into a tiff with one of our kids,

and we can say awful things, hurtful things, slanderous things.

And then he draws this conclusion.

Look at verse 10.

Praising and cursing come out of the same mouth.

Did everybody here agree with that?

You ever seen that be the case?

Just nod yes, right?

And then listen to this conclusion he draws,

because I'm going to tell you, it just breaks my heart.

My brothers, these things should not be this way.

Now, I want to tell you,

we may agree or disagree on a lot of things theologically,

a lot of things biblically.

I don't think there's a person in this room

who would take issue with what James just says.

That out of the same mouth we praise God

and then turn around 15, 20 minutes later

and get into it with somebody

and can just rip them to shreds

and James' conclusion is this.

That just should not be.

I mean, that just is inexcusable.

That's just something that should never take place

that with this same tongue,

I praise God and turn around

and then belittle my wife or my children,

my husband, folks I know, people I work with.

Man, that just cannot be.

That's just unthinkable in James' mind.

And he tells us why it's unthinkable.

Look at verse 11.

Does a spring pour out sweet and bitter water

from the same opening?

Well, you know the answer to that.

It's obviously no.

It's a rhetorical question.

No.

It's just something that doesn't happen.

We've gotten away from using water fountains

during COVID, right?

I look forward to when we can open those up again.

But when you used to use a water fountain,

you went up and you pushed that button

and you bend over and take it.

Have you ever gotten a sip of water?

Boy, that was good.

I think I'll get another sip.

Ooh, that's bad.

Well, that's good.

Well, that's bad.

No.

If it's good to begin with,

it's going to continue to be good.

And if it's bad from the beginning,

it doesn't get good.

It's going to continue to be bad, right?

And that's what James is saying.

Verse 12.

Can a fig tree produce olives, my brothers,

or a grapevine produce figs?

We know the answer to that.

The answer is no.

I mean, fig trees produce figs

and grapevines produce grapes.

Olive trees produce olives.

Neither can a saltwater spring yield fresh water.

Again, I'm emphasizing that when James talks about the tongue,

he's not talking about the literal tongue.

He's talking about those things that we say.

Words are powerful conveyors of thought.

When I was a kid,

the middle school teachers in that day

used to tell us all the time

they would do it to help some child

who'd been beat up on a little bit by somebody verbally.

They'd come up and put their arm around that child

and they'd say something like this.

Y'all have all heard it from my age.

These youngsters probably hadn't heard it as much,

but people my age used to hear this all the time.

They'd put their arm around that person

who had been assaulted verbally

and they would try to encourage them

and they would try to encourage them by saying this.

You just remember.

Remember what I'm going to say?

Sticks and stones will break your bones,

but names will never hurt you.

I think they quit doing that.

You know why?

It's a lie.

There's no truth in that.

It may make that little boy or girl feel better in the moment,

but it's just not true.

Can I tell you,

most injuries you suffer in life

where you break an arm

or you have to go to the ER and get sewed up

or maybe you get in a fight as a kid

and you get a black eye,

it's going to heal in a couple days.

I mean, it ain't no big deal, right?

We all suffer those kind of hurts.

But I'm going to tell you something.

There are hurts that we suffer as individuals

when people who we have confidence in look at us

and say things to us that are hurtful

and spiteful and demeaning.

And I'm going to tell you,

I've talked to people for 50 years in counseling

and some of those wounds are as fresh today

as they were the day it happened.

I could tell you right now,

and I'm not exaggerating,

I could tell you illustration after illustration

after illustration of people

that I've dealt with in counseling

who have told me about things

that happened 30, 40 years ago in their life.

And when they tell it,

you would think if you didn't know better,

this happened about two and a half, three hours ago.

It's that fresh.

They remember being told they were stupid.

They remember being smacked across the mouth.

They remember being told

they never amount to anything.

They remember being told how worthless they were.

They remember being told how they never amount to anything.

Those words are just indelibly etched in their mind.

And somebody probably came along in most instances

and said, hey, I'm sorry, I lost my cool.

I said that and I shouldn't have.

I didn't mean that.

You convince that little mind that they didn't mean it.

You convince that wife who's hurt and crying,

you really didn't mean that.

I'm telling you, words are powerful, powerful tools.

With words, we can unite and we can divide, can't we?

I was in a business meeting years ago.

I was in Statesville, North Carolina

when I pastored there

in a pretty contentious business meeting.

It wasn't anything super serious,

but they're arguing, believe it or not,

over a church bus.

We're going to buy a church bus.

Those days, to tell you how long ago,

the whole thing wasn't but $28,000.

They're going to buy this church bus.

But the big argument was,

do we buy it with a bathroom or without a bathroom?

And half the people wanted a bathroom.

The old ones thought we ought to have a bathroom.

The younger ones thought, no, that'll smell.

We don't need a bathroom in that bus.

And so they're arguing back and forth.

Well, this man in the church

who's pretty influential stands up and he says,

I just want you to know,

if you'll buy a bus with a bathroom in it,

I'll give $5,000 for that bus tonight.

That was a big incentive.

They took the vote.

He thought they would maybe come to his side with that.

And they didn't.

They lost by about three or four votes.

So you can just tell there was an uneasiness.

And we'd always had good spirit in business,

but there was an uneasiness.

And you know what he did?

He united those people.

That same man stood back up and said,

well, you know what?

We just voted,

and we voted not to get that bus with a bathroom,

even though I wanted it.

I want to be the first to get $5,000

for a bus with no bathroom.

And people began to laugh,

and they came together,

and there was unity.

Can I tell you something?

You've seen it,

and I've seen it.

You've seen a place that was divided,

and somebody say exactly the right thing,

and what happens?

There are words that unite, right?

It brings us together.

But sadly,

I've also seen at times in business meetings,

somebody stand up and say something,

and it wasn't because they opposed me

or because they opposed some idea

the deacons were bringing.

It was because they had a divisive spirit.

They just divided the room.

And listen,

it wasn't that they said what they said

to make a point.

It's that they said what they said.

It was clear.

They wanted to create division.

Have you ever seen anybody use words in that way?

They're trying to divide.

They try to divide a home.

They try to divide a team.

They try to divide a church.

They're speaking divisively.

Words can divide.

Words are powerful.

They're powerful.

We need to be careful

about how we use our words.

They can heal.

They can wound.

They can motivate.

They can demoralize.

They can anger.

They can inspire.

They can devastate,

and they can encourage.

I want to ask you

how many of you have ever been

devastated by somebody's words,

but I'm going to tell you this.

My guess is everybody in the room.

My guess is at some time,

somebody in your life

is devastated.

You hopefully just momentarily,

but you know what it is

to be just knocked off your feet,

taken back by what somebody says,

and it hurts,

but I hope you also know

what it is to be encouraged

by somebody's words.

Well, I can't tell you the times

many of you in this room.

In fact, when I talk about first pickings,

I did someone this last week,

when they say,

well, what do you have to say

about those folks?

I say, I'll tell you this.

They're the most encouraging people

I've ever preached to.

I've never had people

be as complimentary

about poor preaching

in my life

as they are here,

but you know how to encourage,

and you know what it is

to encourage people, right?

It's a good feeling

when somebody comes

and they just encourage you.

Words can encourage you.

So let me ask you,

have your words ever hurt anybody?

Are you guilty of doing that,

hurting somebody with your words?

Are you also guilty

of helping somebody with your words,

encouraging somebody?

I bet you've done that

to a waiter or a waitress before.

You can just tell their dad

and you just lift them up

by what you say.

Boy, it's a good thing, you know.

Good feeling for not only

the one being encouraged,

but the one who's doing

the encouraging

to encourage other folks.

Well, skip down with me now.

Guys, if you can do that,

look to James 1.19.

And I want you to read

this final verse with me,

and then we're going to draw

five quick conclusions.

I want you to look to James 1.

Go back a couple of chapters.

This is one of my favorite verses

in the Scripture.

My dearly loved brothers,

understand this.

Everyone must be,

now just look up

and listen to me at this point,

because I want you to get

this graphic in your mind.

Everyone must be

quick to listen,

slow to speak,

and slow to anger.

And this is how he drives

the point home,

because, the next verse,

for the anger of man,

are you ready for this?

It never accomplishes

the righteousness of God.

When I first started preaching,

25 years of age,

full-time out of seminary,

I went to my first church,

Western Avenue in Statesville.

And boy, I had a little bit

of a temper.

And I actually thought,

you know,

it's a good thing,

because I'm not going to

let anybody run over me.

I'm not going to let anybody

abuse the church.

And boy,

if you get out of line

or something,

I'm going to be quick

to tell you.

I'm going to just,

I'm going to tell you.

And I was reading

the Scripture one day,

and God convicted me

through this verse

I just read to you.

Be quick to listen.

Most of us would do well

to listen way,

way,

way,

way,

way more than we do.

And slow to speak.

You know who my heroes

are in life?

The people typically

who say the least.

When I think of the people

in life who I most

want to be like,

it's typically people

who say the least.

And then he says,

slow to anger.

And this is why,

because the anger of man,

and he's either right

or he's wrong in this,

either God,

when he inspired him,

was right or he was wrong,

it never accomplishes

the righteousness of God.

If you've got a temper

and you're proud of it

because you think,

I just speak my mind,

I just tell the truth,

I'm just candid,

really,

you need to think

of yourself in a different way

that you're just cruel

and don't have a filter.

You understand?

That you just speak

too quickly.

That you're arrogant.

And we don't like

to think of ourselves

that way.

But I'm going to tell you,

the anger of man

never, ever, ever,

ever once accomplishes

the righteousness of God.

You don't need that.

You don't need that.

So what can we learn

from the passage

we've looked at today?

Well, we can make a choice

and that choice should be

to use my tongue

the way God intended

for me to use my tongue.

For me to honor God

with my tongue.

Now, I would guess

that everybody in this room

to this point would say,

well, Pastor,

I'm with you

and I'm in agreement

and I'd like to.

So how do I do that?

I'm going to tell you

five things just real quickly.

You can write these down

if you want to.

But here's five ways

you can do that.

Five practical,

real ways you can do it.

One, choose not to injure

others with your words.

Choose not to injure

others with your words.

Now, how am I going

to go about doing that?

First of all,

when I'm angry,

I'm going to speak

with extreme caution.

I'm going to speak

with extreme caution

whenever I find myself

getting angry.

So here's what that involves.

I've got to know

when I'm getting angry

and a lot of us,

I'm fearful, don't.

Anger just kind of

sneaks up on us, right?

You've got to become aware

of what you're feeling.

And when you feel yourself

getting mad,

the best thing you can do

is shut your mouth.

And just say,

I'm going to be

extremely careful.

I'm going to be on red alert

like the military

when it comes to

using my tongue,

employing my tongue

because this is a

vile weapon

I have at my disposal.

I'm going to be

especially careful

when I open my mouth

whenever I'm angry

because I don't want

something to come out

that will cause me harm

or cause someone else harm.

I choose

not to injure others

as I speak.

Additionally,

if I'm going to do that,

I've got to avoid

being critical

as often as I possibly can

because watch this

and this makes common sense.

The more critical I am,

the more I am apt

to hurt somebody

with my words.

Would you agree with that?

The more often

I am critical of others

or some situation,

the more apt I am

to misspeak.

So what I've got to learn

to do is this.

I've got to quit

being critical as much.

I used to tell my son

when he was a little boy,

you know son,

it is possible

to have a thought

and not say it.

We live in a world today

where folks don't get that.

You understand?

They think they have

a license somehow

if they think it.

I just got to tell people.

They want to know

what I think.

Can I tell you something?

They don't want to know

what you think.

Most people don't give

a nickel what you think.

Most people would rather

you listen to what

they think, right?

And that's what

gets us in trouble.

We all have got

these opinions

but you've just got to

learn to not commentate

on everything that goes

on in the world.

Have you ever seen folk

who it doesn't matter

what happens,

where it happens,

if it's at school,

if it's on the playground,

if it's in church,

if it's in business,

if it's at the courthouse,

something happens?

Well, let me just tell you

what I think about that.

They've got to be

a commentator for it.

You know what I miss

about the news

when I was a kid?

When I was a kid,

you cut on the news

for 30 minutes

and you heard somebody say,

and here's what happened

in the world today,

and they just mostly

show you clips

of what people were saying

and they let you

draw your own conclusion.

Well, now they show you

about a 15-second clip

and they got seven guys

there to tell you

what they just said.

Now, spend the next

30 minutes telling you

what they just told you,

right?

And they got all

these different opinions.

And how many of you

really appreciate

all their opinions, right?

I want to tell you something.

In real life,

that's how folks feel

about mine and your opinion.

I'm not saying

it's about you,

it's about me.

They don't care

what we think.

So if you want to keep

from hurting folks' feelings,

don't feel like I've got

to give everybody

my opinion

on what just happened.

No, you don't.

Keep it to yourself.

Here's the second thing.

Choose to use your tongue

to build others up.

This is the one I really do love.

Choose to use your tongue

to build others up.

Make that commitment today.

Say, God,

from this day forward,

I'm going to use my tongue

not to pull people down,

but to build people up.

Tell you a story

I heard about

back in the 80s,

I guess it was.

There's a guy

named Johnny Lingo.

He was a native

from Pacific Island

way out near Tahiti somewhere.

And this guy

was a good-looking guy,

young guy,

late 20s,

eligible bachelor,

most eligible bachelor

on the island.

All the young ladies

in town had wondered,

when is he ever

going to get married?

They had a different

kind of custom

in that place

where he lived.

When you decided

to get married,

instead of just going

to your fiance,

you went to the town square

and you announced

to the whole town,

hey, I've decided

I'm going to take a bride

and here's who my bride is.

They announced it.

And the following week

on the next Saturday,

the whole town

would gather

and the father

and the groom-to-be

would barter

over the price

of the bride.

They always dealt

in cows.

Some women,

if they weren't

too attractive,

were one-cow women.

Some women,

if they were kind of average,

were two-cow women.

If you were really

a looker,

you might be

a three-cow woman.

Every blue moon,

a four-cow woman

would come about.

And it was just phenomenal

if you were

a four-cow woman.

So Johnny Lingo

comes to town one day

and everybody's wondering

when he's ever

going to get married.

He's good-looking.

He's got lots of money

and he announces

to the town,

I'm going to marry.

Next Saturday,

I'm going to marry.

And everyone's,

who's it going to be?

Who's it going to be?

And they thought,

maybe this real

good-looking gal

or that good-looking gal.

When he announced

his choice,

the whole town,

you couldn't believe

the silence that fell.

He said,

I intend to marry Mejia.

And they thought,

Mejia?

Is he crazy?

Mejia?

Mejia's hair

was unkept.

She was never

dressed appropriately.

She was backward

and shy

and just removed

from everything.

The kids had made fun

of her all of her life.

Now she's a young woman.

And they just couldn't,

why is he taking Mejia?

Somebody said,

it's because he's got

all that money.

He's tired.

He's just too cheap

to get a good wife.

So,

the following Saturday,

they meet there

in the town square

and the father

of Mejia comes

and says,

I'll sell you Mejia

because he knows

he can't push it.

You know,

she's not much of a looker.

He says,

two cows.

And Johnny Lingo says,

Johnny Lingo

not give you two cows.

Johnny Lingo

give you

not two cows.

He says,

well,

okay,

one cow.

He says,

no,

Johnny Lingo

not give you one cow.

Guy says,

look,

you're not getting

her for horns

and hooves.

So,

he says,

no,

no,

you don't understand.

Johnny Lingo

not give you

two cows.

Johnny Lingo

not give you

one cow.

Johnny Lingo

give you

ten cows

from Mejia.

Everybody was stunned.

One person said,

it's because he's got

all that money.

He doesn't want to

show off how much

money he's got.

Well,

he pays the guy

the ten cows.

He takes Mejia

by the hand

and they leave

to go on their honeymoon.

They're going to be

gone 30 days.

As he's leaving,

he gets to the edge

of town.

There's this little

British mercantile

and he goes inside

and he asks this merchant,

you have one of those

pearl-covered,

pearl-handled combs

and brush sets

with a mirror?

Guy says,

no,

but I can order you one.

When will it be here?

It'll be here

in about three weeks.

That's good.

We're going on

a four-week honeymoon.

When we get back,

you bring it out

to my place.

And so,

the guy agrees.

Well,

they're going

30-day honeymoon.

He comes back.

The British merchant

gets the thing

he's ordered

and he's going

to take it out

to his little hut

at the edge

of the island.

He gets out

to the guy's hut.

He's still about

150 yards away

and he hears voices

and they're loud voices.

One voice in material

is just saying

over and over,

you cheated me,

you cheated me,

you cheated me.

And he gets closer,

about 100 yards away.

He sees this figure

come storming out of the hut

and it looks like

he is daddy.

Well,

he gets closer still.

He's about 25,

50 yards away

and this beautiful,

not dead,

gorgeous woman

comes out

and she's got

something to get water with

and she walks

to the well.

Merchant walks on up

on the porch

and knocks at the door.

Johnny Lingo

comes to the door

and he says,

I see you have my brush

and mirror set

and he says yes

and he pays him for it.

He says,

Johnny,

I'm not trying

to be nosy or anything.

He said,

but was that Mejia's dad

I heard arguing with you

as I came up

and he said,

yeah.

He said,

did he say you cheated him?

He said,

yeah.

What did you cheat him over?

He says,

well,

I didn't cheat him.

He says,

but he says,

I cheated him.

He says,

he said,

I gave too little

for Mejia.

Too little?

You gave 10 cows.

He said,

I know,

but he thinks I cheated.

He said,

oh,

and one other thing said,

who's that gorgeous woman

that walked out

of the house

a minute ago

to go draw water?

He said,

oh,

that's Mejia.

Mejia?

Well,

what happened to her

in the last 30 days?

Johnny said,

well,

you know,

Johnny,

Lingo,

pretty shrewd businessman.

He said,

I know all my life.

She's a real cat.

She's a real fan.

He said,

but the kids at school,

they made fun of her.

She didn't wear nice clothes

the way the other kids did.

They belittled her.

Her dad belittled her.

Her dad often drove her

away from the house.

She became backward,

lived in the woods

by herself much of her life.

He said,

but I always know,

Mejia,

she a real prize.

He said,

well,

how did she transform

so much in 30 days?

He said,

oh,

that's the easy part.

He said,

every day,

I look at Mejia

and say,

Mejia,

most of them girls in town,

one,

two,

three cow women,

you a 10 cow woman.

I'm going to tell you something.

People will become

what you tell them

they are.

Do you know that?

My little grand boy,

I hold him in my arms

every week.

And every week,

I tell him

how sweet he is,

how smart he is,

what a good boy he is.

Because I'm convinced

if I tell him that

over and over and over,

he's going to become that.

He's going to become that.

I hope you'll choose

to use your words

to build others up.

Thirdly,

I hope you'll choose

to speak only the truth.

Psalm 15,

verse 4b,

says this.

It's one of my,

again,

favorite verses.

The psalmist is talking about

who can live

on God's holy hill.

Who can live with God?

Boy,

you've got to get your game together

to live with God,

you'd think.

This is what he says.

One of the attributes

of a man who will live with God.

He sweareth to his own hurt

and changeth not.

That's the King James Version,

but I like that.

He sweareth to his own hurt

and he changeth not.

You know what that means?

It means

when he's faced

with telling the truth

and thereby being embarrassed by it

or being hurt by it,

he still just tells the truth.

He's not going to attempt

to save face

by telling a lie.

And when we lie

to cover up something

we've done wrong,

that's what we're doing.

You know that?

We're trying to save face.

But you know what happens?

When that lie is discovered,

we not only lose faith,

but we also lose

our sense of integrity.

We've lost worse

than just face.

And the man or woman of God

who uses her tongue

as they should,

they always speak the truth.

Can I ask you something?

Is that how you speak?

I don't know

if I accomplished it or not,

but for 25 years

when I was at Western

or Brushy Creek,

I tried to always be somebody

who spoke the truth.

Because I'm going to tell you,

your name and your integrity

means absolutely everything.

You can't get that back

once you've lost it.

Do you understand that?

I didn't ever want anybody

to say,

well, you know what?

You better parse

Ralph Carter's sentences.

You ever seen people like that?

They said something,

but you've got to go out

and you've got to interpret it.

Now, what does that really mean?

Here's what he said,

but what did he really mean?

I hope you'll use your tongue

to always speak only the truth.

Fourthly,

choose to speak wholesomely.

Choose to speak wholesomely.

Because the world seeks to be earthly

doesn't mean that I've got to do the same.

I'm going to tell you,

I'm disappointed

at some of the preachers

I hear preaching today

because many think

that they've got to be shock jocks.

They've got to use

the language of the world

and earthy terms

and I know

we want to be colorful

and we want to be graphic

and paint pictures for people,

but I want to tell you something,

you don't ever have to be earthy.

I don't know about you,

my favorite type of movie

is a comedy,

but I've just about quit watching them

and the reason is because

people today

will settle for cheap laughs

by just using a word of profanity

or saying something vulgar

or crude or off color.

And there is no place for that

in the life of a believer.

Choose to speak wholesomely

and finally,

choose to add authenticity

to your worship

by guarding how you use your tongue.

Now here's what I mean by that.

If I use my tongue to praise God,

it nullifies my act of worship.

And my credibility

and authenticity as a believer,

if 15 minutes later,

20 minutes later,

I'm heard talking in a fashion,

I'm not talking about just crude speech,

I'm talking about being hateful.

It nullifies the authenticity

of my worship.

If I'm able to do that

with a waitress

or with my wife

or with my children

or my grandchildren

or somebody with whom

I have a dispute,

we're all going to get in a dispute.

You're going to have arguments,

but I don't tell you something,

you don't have to be

somebody who uses abusive speech

even when you disagree with somebody.

When I'm fishing at times,

I love to fish.

When I fish at times,

if a fish breaks off my hook,

I reach my tackle box

and get another hook

and I'll tie it on

and I get it snug.

I've drawn it tight.

I look in my tackle box

for a knife.

If I can't find a knife,

I look for a pair

of fingernail clippers.

When I can't find a pair

of fingernail clippers,

those of you who fish

know what I'm about to say,

right?

Can I tell you something?

God didn't give me teeth

to cut fishing line with.

He didn't.

And when I use my teeth

for that purpose,

I run the risk

of hurting myself,

hurting my teeth.

When I use my tongue

in a way that God

didn't intend for me

to use it,

I run the risk

of hurting myself

and hurting those around me.

So I'll use my tongue.

Choose today

to use my tongue

for exactly,

expressly what God

gave me the tongue to do.

And you know what that is?

To bring Him glory

and to pick up people

around you,

to point them to Jesus,

to encourage them.

Let's bow in prayer.

Father,

today as we come

to this time of decision,

I pray God

that we would decide

how we're going

to use our tongues,

that we would stop saying,

well,

that's just me

and that's how I talk

and take responsibility

for our actions

and our words.

Let us choose today

to use our tongues

the way you've intended

for us to use them.

It's our prayer

in your name.

For your sake we pray.

Amen.

Let's stand as we sing.

Thank you.

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