Biblical Marriage

open up to Matthew chapter 19. Matthew chapter 19, I know what you might be

Matthew 19 · chapter mention Matthew 19 · chapter mention

thinking if you paid attention on Sunday. I said we'd be in Revelation tonight

to continue that series, but I forgot that I have a few more sermons to get

through in Matthew before we jump back into Revelation. So we have to clean up

a few of these passages in Matthew and then we'll get back to that Revelation

series and Lord willing the snow and ice this weekend won't get the preaching

calendar too far off. By the way, let me just say a word on that because I didn't

touch on it earlier. We are keeping a watch on the weather. Our main concern

right now is how much of it's going to melt on Saturday and whatever doesn't

melt is probably just going to refreeze during the night on Saturday and

probably going to linger in the morning and continue until it gets warming up on

Sunday to melt. So we don't know if we're going to be having service or not, so if

you're not, go ahead and follow the George's Creek News and Information page

on Facebook. That's the best way to get updated. I'll also have all the deacons

reach out to families to let them know whether or not we're going to have

service. So they'll be in contact, but we're not going to make a call on that

until Saturday and we have a better idea of what the weather is going to look

like. So just keep that in mind and pray that the preaching calendar doesn't get

too far off because it gives me anxiety. Alright, so Matthew chapter 19. We're

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

continuing through the book of Matthew, which we've been doing for two and a

half years now, something like that, and we're coming now to a passage and I think

y'all know this about me. I'm an expository preacher, so what that means is I

preach systematically through books of the Bible verse by verse, word by word,

and it means you draw out the meaning from what's there rather than reading

something into the word that's not there. That's what expository preacher means.

That's good and that's the way God intended it, but here's the hard part

about being an expository preacher is you don't get to skip passages. Alright, so

here's what a lot of popular preachers do. They don't preach through books of the

Bible. Okay, that's their prerogative, but what they do is they just pick and

choose whatever passage they feel like preaching that day, whatever topic is on

their mind or whatever they're feeling, whatever cultural issue, and they preach

on that, which allows them to avoid every difficult passage in the Bible. When

you're preaching through books of the Bible, you don't get to avoid difficult

passages. You have to just hit it head-on and so we're coming to a difficult

passage tonight that's on a difficult topic, which is marriage and divorce, and

it's a difficult topic not only because it hits close to home for so many, but

because it touches on one of the biggest problems in our world today. If you keep

up with modern statistics at all, you know that statistics say that over half

of every marriage in America today will end in divorce, which I don't know if

you're good at math, I'm not, but those aren't great odds. So if you were to tell

me that something I was about to do had a greater than 50% chance of

mortality, I'm not going to do that thing. I don't like those odds, so I'm not

going to do something that could end with me dying that likely, right? And so the

same thing with marriage. A lot of people today are looking at marriage and

they're saying, hey, most marriages, over 50% of them are ending in divorce, so why

would we even get married in the first place? What's even the purpose of it?

So couples are avoiding marriage. You see couples today, which is almost

something we've never seen throughout human history, where couples are staying

in a perpetual state of dating and never truly committing to each other, which

again has never been done in history, but they're just staying in this perpetual

state of dating, never really committing to each other, and they just view this as

acceptable in the eyes of God. I mean, they think, well, it's just as good as

marriage. We just don't have the legal paperwork to go with it. And so we're

going to talk this evening about God's design for marriage and what the Bible

says about divorce. So I'm going to notice how it starts there in Matthew 19

verses one through three. Now, when Jesus had finished saying these things, he

went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan, and

large crowds followed him and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him

and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? Now, I

want you to just pay attention to what the Bible is saying here. Notice how the

Pharisees are starting off on the wrong foot. They're literally coming to

Jesus and they want to know if they can divorce their wife for any reason

whatsoever. In other words, they're already looking for a way out. Before they ever

even commit, or maybe they are committed, they're already looking for a way out.

They're thinking about plan B rather than thinking about plan A as being the only

plan. It's a horrible way to approach this, right? So for me, I asked Gene, who's not

here tonight. Again, every time I talk about Gene in a sermon, he's just

randomly not here. I asked Gene for his permission to marry Anna. I'll never

forget that day. It was the most terrified I've ever been to do anything in my

entire life. And I've faced some pretty scary situations. That was the most

terrified. I kid you not, I was coming from North Greenville. Gene was sitting on

our big blue tractor, kept it on, refused to get off. And so I'm having, can I marry

your daughter? Like screaming over this engine. It was this horrible situation. But

imagine I had gone to him and I was like, hey, can I marry Anna? Oh, and by the way,

can I, are you cool with me just divorcing her for any reason at any time?

Is that good with you? Like, do you think he would have given me permission to

marry her? No, of course not. And rightly not, right? Like, you don't want to go into

something already thinking about how to get out of that thing. And yet that's

exactly what the Pharisees are doing here. I would say that if you're looking

for a reason to end your marriage before you even start your marriage, then you

probably don't need to get married at all. And I want you to notice how Jesus

responds to them in Matthew 19, verses four through six. He answered, have you

not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female

and said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast

to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but

one flesh, what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. So this

is what Jesus says is God's design for marriage. And unfortunately, in our day,

as we've said, divorce is for two common. And I think one of the main reasons for

that is that we no longer have a high view of marriage today. People today, you

look at what God designed marriage to be and marriage was designed to be a life

long, lifelong commitment, covenant relationship between one man and one

woman before God. And that was the design for marriage. And yet you look at what

marriage has become today. And we have dumbed it down. Today, marriage is just

the next step for a couple, right? A couple likes each other. They might have

that warm, fuzzy feeling. They start dating. And they date for a while. And they

think we've been dating for a few years now. What comes next? We should probably

get married. And so marriage has become nothing more than just the next step for

a couple in a relationship, not actually thinking about what it's intended to be.

Or some couples today, they just want a biblically sanctioned way to act on

their sinful desires. And so they think we need to get married in order to be

able to do that. Or some couples, they'll say it makes sense in terms of finances

and living arrangements. And you look at all these reasons that people are getting

married, and they're all unbiblical reasons. None of them are what God says

marriage should be. It's simply out of convenience. And I'll tell you what I

tell every single couple whose wedding I officiate. Any marriage that is begun out

of convenience can just as easily be ended out of convenience. If marriage is

nothing more than a simple convenience for you, then when it stops being

convenient, what do you do? You end it. And that's exactly what we're seeing in our

world today. If you don't start out on the right foot, you will not continue long.

And I want you to notice when Jesus is talking about marriage here, notice that

he is not talking about a wedding. That's the other problem we've got with

marriage today. When you talk about marriage, couples end up being more

focused on their wedding day and the wedding celebration than on the marriage

itself. And so the whole wedding day becomes this big celebration which

isn't actually most of the time God honoring. It's all about the couple and

not about the covenant relationship. There's nothing about the gospel and most

wedding ceremonies today. And it's all about that wedding ceremony and then the

wedding ceremony is over. You got to think about life after it. Notice how

Jesus is also not talking about couples who have romantic feelings for one

another. I think this is the other big mistake we have in terms of marriage

and relationships today. People focus too much on the feelings. They've got to

have this warm fuzzy feeling. This couple loves each other. And Jesus is not even

mentioning that at all. He is saying that marriage is not about a day and

marriage is not about some feelings you might have. Marriage is about a covenant

relationship with your spouse and God. You are entering into this covenant with

the Lord. And so he says the two have ceased to be two. They become one and he

says what therefore God has joined together. Let no man separate. And I want

you to notice the command he issues here. People take this for granted. Jesus says

here that men are to hold fast to their wives. I want you to notice how that is a

command. Jesus is not simply giving this as a suggestion. He is saying that this

is what every man in a marriage relationship is supposed to do. The man

is supposed to hold fast to his wife. And so this means that marriage is not

primarily about your feelings for your spouse. Marriage is about your God-given

biblical responsibility to love your spouse and hold fast to them. That is an

active command. I told you this story before but it bears repeating. I had a

professor at North Greenville. Love him to death. One of my favorite professors

Dr. Johnson. He served as a pastor for a number of years. And he said one day he

was sitting in his office and this couple came in and the couple sat down in

front of him and they said pastor we'd like a divorce. And he said okay well

what's the issue? And the man said well we just don't love each other anymore.

You know it started out we loved each other and we've just been married for

so many years. We just we don't really love each other anymore. We wanted to

come here ask for your permission to get a divorce. Ask what you think we should

do. And my professor looked back at him. He said well you should go and love your

wife. And the man said well did you not just hear what I told you? I told you I

don't love her anymore. He said I know I heard what you said and I'm telling you

that you need to go and love your wife. Because that love is not primarily some

feeling that you have. Love is a commitment that is shown in your actions

towards your spouse. Anybody can have a feeling but it takes something special

to have a covenant commitment to your spouse and love them actively. You see

we've made this huge mistake where we have reduced love down to nothing more

than a feeling. And love involves a feeling but it is a responsibility. It's a

commitment. Every man has the responsibility to love his wife well.

To care for her. To provide for her. To protect her. To nourish her. To lead her.

To actively pursue her. The man the Bible says must love his wife as Christ

loved the church and gave himself up for the church. So the Bible says in

Ephesians chapter 5, men you were to love your wives as Christ loved the

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

church and gave himself up to the church. Notice how that requires sacrifice.

And that what Jesus did? Did he not sacrifice himself for his church?

Does the Bible say that he wasn't thinking of his own needs and desires

but he put them aside and chose not to lay hold to the powers that God had

while he was in the flesh so that he might suffer as a man and die in our

place? It required sacrifice. And this is what men are called to do in their

marriage relationships. Men are called to sacrifice for their wives. Now this is

one of my hot button issues because I'm a firm believer in this. And I've told

you this many times but one of man's chief sins today is passivity. Is it not?

Why are so many marriages failing? Why are so many marriages just barely holding

on by a thread? Why is it that you see a bunch of men today who are completely

uninvolved with their children and in their household? It's because they are

passive and selfish rather than sacrificial like Jesus calls us to be.

We live in a culture where men are no longer sacrificing for their wives and

no longer putting their needs above her or her needs above theirs. But instead

what we have today are a bunch of men who are prioritizing their hobbies above

helping their wives. She can stay at home and take care of the kids while I go

off and play golf every other day. Let her take care of the laundry and the

dishes and the cleaning and caring for the kids while I sit and play video

games for hours and hours and hours and hours. Men are doing this. Church, yes? Men.

The Bible says when I became a man I put away childish things and yet we've got

men today who are spending six hours on video games while neglecting their

wives and their children. That's not biblical love. That's not biblical

commitment. That is childish. You see there will be a day when every man will

stand before the throne of God and God will ask them did you love your wife and

they will reply yes I never cheated on her. That'll be their answer. Did you love

your wife? Absolutely. I never cheated on her not even once and God's gonna say I

didn't ask you if you cheated on her. I asked you if you loved her. You see that's

the other mistake that we've made today. We have mistaken a love to be I don't

cheat. Just because you don't cheat on your spouse doesn't mean you actually

love your spouse. At least not according to the Bible. Now since I singled out the

men, let me address the women. Although I would continue for five more minutes on

the men if you'd let me because it's a big issue for me but women have a

responsibility to love their husbands well. According to the Bible wives are

called to submit to their husbands headship. They are called to respect their

husbands. It's interesting if you read Ephesians chapter 5 at the very end of

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

that passage on marriage the Bible says that women are to respect their husbands

and husbands must love their wives and I remember as pastor Chris Walker who

first explained this to me and showed this to me when he was doing the

premarital counseling for me and Anna and he said the reason the Bible says it

like this is because women want to be loved more than they're respected and

men want to be respected more than they're loved and I thought that was

brilliant. That's a Chris Walker thing to notice and point out because that's who

he was. He's a brilliant man but this is the call that women are to have towards

their husbands. They are called to respect their husbands. They're not called

to belittle him or to antagonize him. They are not called to overtake his

leadership. This is exactly what the Bible warned against in Genesis chapter

Genesis 3 · chapter mention

3 when it says when God is issuing the curse upon the serpent and explaining

to the man and woman the punishment for their sins he says to Eve that she's

going to desire her husband and the way that's written in Hebrew means that

she's going to desire his position as the head of the household of the

leadership and so he says this is going to be a problem for women throughout the

centuries that they are going to desire to run their households and to take the

place of the God-given responsibility that men have to be the spiritual leaders

in the heads of their households. Women are called to be respectful and

dignified and just as men are called to love and lead their wives as Christ loves

and leads the church women are called to submit to and love their husbands as the

church submits to and loves Christ. This is God's good design for marriage. One

man, one woman in a covenant relationship before God for all of their

lives but since the Pharisees are looking for a plan B in a way out they're

not satisfied with Jesus answer so look what they say in verses 7 through 9.

They said to him why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of

divorce to send her away and he said to them because of your hardness of heart

Moses allowed you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so and

I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and

Mary's another commits adultery and so the Pharisees actually are

misunderstanding what Moses said in Deuteronomy so Deuteronomy 24 verses 1

Deuteronomy 24:1–4

through 4 says this when a man takes a wife and marries her if then she finds

no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her and he writes

her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his

house and she departs out of his house and if she goes and becomes another man's

wife and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and

puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house or if the latter man dies who

took her to be his wife then her former husband who sent her away may not take

her again to be his wife after she has been defiled for that is an

abomination before the Lord and you shall not bring sin upon the land that

you're the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance and so the Pharisees

interpreted this as believing that divorce was an essential part of marriage

a necessary part of marriage so much so that at the time the Jews believed a

man could divorce his wife for pretty much any reason in fact if you look at

ancient Jewish texts they reveal that some men were divorcing their wives

because they no longer found them attractive in some cases there were

men who divorced their wives because they cited that she was too mouthy in

other cases there were men who divorced their wives because they were more

attracted to another woman and they therefore wanted to divorce their

current wife in order to pursue this other basically if you look at what they

were practicing at the time they wanted easy divorce for any reason

whatsoever now I want you to notice that Moses never actually commanded men to

divorce their wives did you notice that I tried to emphasize those key words you

should pick up on in scripture like if and because of this reason Moses never

actually commanded that men should divorce their wives rather what Moses

said is that if these issues come up and if because of these issues a man

settles on divorce here are the guidelines to follow in the divorce

process in other words divorce was never commanded as a necessity but it was

allowed for as an exception and the whole reason it was allowed for notice

what Jesus says here the whole reason that divorce exists is because of man's

sinfulness he says it's because of your hardness of heart in fact we know the

Bible says in Malachi 2 16 that God hates divorce God never intended for

divorce to take place it was never part of his design the only reason it exists

is because of man's sinfulness and it's still the reason divorce is so popular

today when feelings fade and life gets hard what's the easy way out of a

marriage divorce when the looks begin to fade and the eye begins to wander

what's the easiest way to satisfy that sinful desire divorce when problems

arise and the marriage gets difficult and life gets hard rather than working

through these issues as a team and rather than seeking to resolve them what's

the easy way out church divorce it's because it's easy and life is hard and

for most couples it is a lot easier to just give up and throw in the towel than

it is to say we've got problems we need to work through them and we're gonna do

this together because I'm committed to you for the rest of my life and I will

not give up on this marriage it's just easier to throw in the towel what you

need to understand about marriage is that if your marriage is not built upon

the foundation of a covenant bond in Christ your marriage will not last it

will begin to fall apart immediately if you do not take seriously your

responsibility to stay true to your spouse and love them in the way the

Bible outlines your marriage will not last and once you start neglecting that

responsibility once you stop actively pursuing your spouse and loving your

spouse once you become lax in your marriage your marriage will begin to

dissolve and it won't be long before you and your spouse are nothing more than

roommates living in the same house together and sadly that's the case for

many marriages today so let me say this it's very easy to say that your spouse

is more important than video games we all agree on that yeah okay we can talk

back it's Wednesday night yeah you remember where we're at I hope we agree

with this right like your spouse is more important than video games yes yeah

okay good good good it it's easy to say your spouse is more important than

golf and other activities right look at Christian low handicap over there so

it's easy to say your spouse is more important than your job yeah yeah alright

so let me say something hard and controversial because it's been five

minutes since I've done that your spouse is more important than your children

and sadly there are not many people who actually believe that today or they'll

say they believe it but they don't actually practice it but your spouse is

more important than your children parenthood is one of the greatest joys

and privileges that God gives us I think every parent in here would say amen and

amen it is a beautiful gift of God but listen to me you are not in a covenant

relationship with your children you are in a covenant relationship with your

spouse and for too many people they have started prioritizing their children

over their spouse and it will run a marriage I've seen it happen out of God

talking to me and he said that he and his wife all they wanted were kids they

wanted to have kids he wanted to be a father his entire life and so the Lord

blessed them with kids and he was so excited but he said his wife was even

more excited to be a mom and that became her entire identity everything about her

it was just motherhood 24-7 and so she started prioritizing the kids over the

husband they never had anyone watch the kids so they never had any date nights

they never had any alone time together they never had a conversation with each

other that was not about their children and so they became roommates living in

the same house and so what happened is all three of their kids grew up moved out

of the house went off to college and the wife had no idea how to live with her

husband and she became very depressed because she was a mother and now her

kids are gone and so she told the husband that she wanted a divorce that she

was no longer happy and he being a Christian man did everything he could to

save that marriage he prayed he asked her to go to counseling they went to

marriage counseling together he asked them asked her can we go talk to the

pastor get some counseling from him they tried that the woman gave up on it after

one session and he begged and begged and begged he said he would do anything and

she left him and it's because she spent more time prioritizing the children than

she did her spouse and it destroyed their marriage so listen I'm not telling

you to neglect your children and I'm not telling you you have to choose between

being a parent and being a spouse but what I am telling you is that you're if

you're prioritizing anything other than the Lord above your spouse your marriage

is not going to last because one day your kids are going to leave home and you're

going to be empty nesters and if you don't know how to live with your spouse

then you're going to have problems and so Jesus allows divorce here only due to

sexual immorality but I want you to notice that even then God's desire is

for reconciliation even in that situation God never desires divorce so this

doesn't excuse the sin but it reminds us that our marriages are meant to reflect

God's covenant relationship with his people because if you read the Bible

all throughout the Bible God is described as a faithful loving husband and

his people are as bright but the Bible also says that the bride is unfaithful

does it not the Bible says that we rebelled against him we turned away from

him we have committed spiritual adultery time and time again and you should be

praising the Lord this evening that God did not spiritually divorce you that he

did not give up on you and decide to be done with you because you had committed

a spiritual adultery on him but the Bible says instead he relentlessly

pursued us even though we're the ones who sinned against him he took the first

step in pursuing us he called us back in love pursued us extended his love and

his grace to us and loved us even when we were unlovable and the fact that he

does that is supposed to mean for our marriages that even when we are sinned

against we don't give up on our marriages we seek to offer forgiveness and we

seek reconciliation I want you to understand this evening that no longer

being attracted to your spouse that is not grounds for divorce don't marry

someone for their looks because the looks will fade warm fuzzy feelings

fading away is not grounds for divorce the kids moving out is not grounds for

divorce being unhappy is not even grounds for divorce are you allowed to

divorce your spouse in the case of sexual immorality yes you are but God would

still prefer the marriage to be reconciled and forgiveness to be

extended he hates divorce but he loves reconciliation so what does this tell us

if we're just thinking about this passage and how it has a bearing on our

life today what does it tell us what tells us that no one should rush into

marriages I love marriage and I fully believe I stand by this I think couples

should be getting married sooner earlier younger however you want to describe it

and start having a bunch of babies a lot earlier than they do I'm a full

advocate of that but just because you should be getting married younger

doesn't mean you should rush into marriage it means that you shouldn't get

married just because you're attracted to someone you shouldn't get married just

because you get along with someone you shouldn't get married just because you

have a feeling of love for someone all of those things will fade with time and

can fade with time and if they're your reason for getting married then it'll

be the reason you seek a divorce before you get married you need to ask

yourself am I prepared to love this person for the rest of my life am I

prepared to stay committed to them to sacrifice for them to put their needs

above my own and to stay true to them until the day I die and for those of us

who are married in the room this evening this passage tells us that we should be

taking marriage much more seriously than most people do today and so a good

question you should be asking yourself this evening is have I gotten lax in my

marriage a good way to figure that out is by asking am I consistently putting my

spouses needs before my own am I making any meaningful sacrifices for my spouse

am I actively pursuing my spouse to this day am I putting my spouse before

everyone except the Lord and here's the real kicker that I would encourage you

to ask yourself this evening if the world were to judge Jesus's love for the

church based on my love for my spouse what would they conclude about how

Jesus loves the church

thirdly it tells us that divorce was never part of God's plan and if it was

never part of God's plan it should never be part of our plan amen all right now

that that difficult passage is ever we just have revelation to get through a

bunch of easy stuff all right Michael