Broken Together - Managing What Multiplies In Marriage

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If you have a Bible, I invite you to take it and open it up to Ephesians chapter six.

Ephesians chapter six.

And if you're our guest today, let me say welcome.

Some of you, if you came late, we we acknowledge Mother's Day here at Grant Parkway, but we don't we don't celebrate and worship your mom.

It's your privilege to celebrate your mom.

And so we're we're finishing a series this morning entitled Broken Together.

I don't have any sermons about like with three points and all start like spell out mom or whatever or seven ways to be a better mom.

To be frankly, here's my confession.

I don't know how to be a mother.

I know, I know you find that surprising.

And so uh we're gonna finish a series entitled Broken Together, which is a series about marriage.

But in this sermon, I want to talk to you about managing what multiplies in marriage.

Managing what multiplies in marriage.

And you say, What do you mean?

What I mean is, is way back in the beginning, we looked at this in the first sermon in this series, way back in Genesis, God said to Adam and Eve, Be fruitful and multiply, and rule over the earth and rule over creation and subdue it.

And so God said, Hey, basically, have sex and have children.

Amen?

Y'all are just like, it's Mother's Day, you pervert.

Don't say that.

Uh that's what God says.

Hey, be fruitful and multiply.

Here's why I say that.

Look at me.

If you're not married, you should believe that, and you should come to understand that that's God's design and idea, and you won't sin in that area.

Uh-oh, did you feel that?

Yeah, like we've got serious all of a sudden.

If you just believed it's God's idea, hey, God's given this institution, this thing's called marriage, and within that he says, hey, be fruitful and multiply.

And so because God says that, we should have a biblical understanding about how we kind of manage what multiplies in marriage.

And by the way, we have people in our church that have, you know, I know some of you, you're like, hey, I'd love to be a mom.

I'm not a mom yet.

We're praying for you, we hear you.

Some of you got one kid, some of you got two kids.

We got a family in our last service, had five kids.

There's a certain family in our service right now that has eight kids.

When you see a family like that, don't say dumb stuff like, hey, you know, they've proven what causes that.

Maybe they wanted all those kids.

I saw a lady on the news this weekend.

She has 12 sons and she's pregnant with the 13th.

And I'm like, please don't let that be a girl.

Not for the sake of that family, but for the sake of the boy that dates that girl.

You imagine?

I got 12 brothers.

What's this clout?

Is this like a street gang?

No, it's my brothers.

So I want to read from the Bible and then I want to talk about how we do what the Bible says.

Ephesians chapter 6, verse 1.

Ephesians 6:1

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother.

Let me just stop right here.

I'm not going to go into that, but that word honor in the Greek, what it means is assign value to.

One of the things you've got to figure out is how much value am I going to assign to my mom and dad in my life?

Now the Bible says you should assign a lot.

Honor your father and mother.

This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

And it's first four that I want to use as a jumping off point this morning, where he says, Fathers do not provoke your children to anger.

That means that you don't relate to your kids so harshly that they resent you.

Dad, that that's talking to me.

That I'm not so hard on my daughters that they just roll their eyes and like, I can't wait to get out of here.

This is no fun.

I'm suffocating here.

But instead of that, what do you do?

It says, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

But bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.

So how do we do that?

I'm going to give you five ways for how I think we do that.

Number one is be intentional.

Be intentional.

What do you mean?

Passive parents raise confused, underdeveloped, gender-confused kids.

And let me say that again.

Passive parents raise confused, underdeveloped, and gender-confused kids because they don't know who to look to.

They don't know what authority looks like because they've never seen it.

They kind of go out into the world, kind of like this wall fly, like, hey, I don't know.

Whatever.

And the Bible clearly says male and female, he created them.

There's roles in marriage.

We've already preached that sermon.

But so so be intentional.

Don't be passive.

What do you mean?

Let me help you when I say be intentional.

Let me give you three things.

Number one, the goal.

Secondly, the definition.

Thirdly, the task.

The goal.

The definition.

And then the task towards helping us be intentional.

What do you mean?

The goal of parenting is basically the transfer of your faith.

It's not when I say your faith, I mean historical biblical Christianity, not, hey, well, this is your parents.

We're kind of hippie-free spirits.

We believe this and we don't believe that.

You're not helping your kid.

You're confusing your kid.

The goal is to transfer.

Now, now it's not what we think it is, what it's become in America.

When I say the goal of parenting, here's what unbelievers think the goal of parenting is.

They kind of transfer their morality, their sense of oughtness and manners.

And so if you're not careful, the goal of many Christians is really the same goal as many non-Christians.

And it's simply this: I want to raise moral kids who are well-mannered, well-behaved, they make good grades, they go to the right school, they have the right friends, they get into the right college, they get the right job in the right neighborhood, and they belong to the right country club.

And I promise you, if that's your kind of moralistic worldview of parenting, it's just a matter of time.

Usually when your kids get away from you, they're going to go off the rails because they resent you and they don't respect you.

They know deep inside there's something more, and my parents don't know how to give it to me.

When I say the goal, here's the goal is Christian parents.

It's a transformation of the heart brought on by the Holy Spirit and facilitated by exposure to the gospel.

The goal, it's a transformation of the heart brought on by the Holy Spirit.

Let me say something right off the bat.

Mom and dad, you cannot change your kid's heart.

I cannot change my kid's heart.

I remember when our kids started asking questions, spiritual questions.

Madison, when she's like second grade, started asking spiritual questions.

And there's a part of us that just wanted to close the deal and make sure she's going to get into heaven.

I love what Travis Slammick said up here.

My son started asking questions based out of fear.

And we knew that God was calling him.

Great doctrinal word.

We'll come back to it in a minute.

We knew God that was calling him because he began to speak about desire.

That's the thing.

The goal of parenting for the believer, for the Christian, is I want my kid's heart to be changed.

I want that change to be brought on by the Holy Spirit and facilitated by exposure to the gospel.

That means they see the gospel in you and you and your and your spouse.

If you're a single parent, they see the gospel in you.

That's the goal that helps us be intentional.

Secondly, the definition.

The definition.

Here's my definition for parenting.

It's not very sexy and it's probably not very good, but it's this parenting is a process of preparing a child for eternity.

Parenting is the process of preparing a child for eternity.

That's why you are never done parenting.

Our oldest is 17.

Every once in a while she'll say to me, Well, I got one more year, Dad, I'm going to be grown out of the house.

And I just laugh and she's like, What's so funny?

You're not grown at 18, okay?

You're going to go off to college, as a matter of fact, and you're going to realize how smart your dad is.

You're going to come home every weekend and pay me homage and bring me gifts.

That's her response, too.

She's like, I don't think so.

You just wait.

Okay?

Because I told my kids in the AP classes across the street.

She's like, all her friends are nerds, okay?

It's just a big herd of nerds come to my house, okay?

They got backpacks that weigh 90 pounds.

They read their textbook.

I never took a book home in high school.

My kid is so nerded up, it's pathetic, all right?

And they, I, and I told her the other day, I said, Hey, by the way, I'm smarter than all your friends combined.

Oh no, Dad, my friends are gonna be like doctors and lawyers.

That's making my case for me.

Thank you very much.

But but see, here's the thing.

And and and and and my kid, bless God, very, she took after mom.

She's very intellectual.

But the goal of my parenting, the goal of parenting for me is not to get my kids to make good grades where she gets scholarships.

And she said, Dad, I made this on my ACT and this on my SAT, and I did the tuition calculator, and I could maybe get this much money.

And I said, I don't care.

And she looks at me like, you're a bad father.

And I said, Here's what I care about.

You stand before God on judgment day.

And he says, Well done, my good and faithful servant.

Here's why.

Not because y'all are like, you should say that.

You're the preacher.

Yeah.

Do I care that my kid makes good grades?

I'm proud of my kid.

Isn't my my love for her is not based on her performance.

Here's why I say the goal of parenting is to prepare your child for eternity.

Randy Alcorn talks about this in relation to money in eternity.

I want to take it and talk about in relation to parenting in eternity.

If your kid, the day they were born, was like a little zero right here, and eternity is a continuous line going that way in an infinite direction, then the length of your kid's life is like I I'll let you, if your kid lives to be 90 years, okay?

90 years compared to eternity is a little dot that's so infinitesimally small on the number line that it cannot be seen with the naked eye.

As a matter of fact, the further eternity goes on, the smaller the lifespan of your child becomes.

Why?

Because any finite number compared set against eternity shrinks the longer eternity goes on.

And here's the reality: we have 18 years to influence what our primarily, we have more than that, but we have under our roof for 18 years where we kind of influence and shape how they think about and are prepared for eternity.

And so that's why I say the goal of parenting is to prepare your kids for eternity.

It's not to look around and kind of, well, you know, I it's hey, and then now what does that mean?

Does that mean you have Bible studies three nights a week?

Not necessarily.

It's hey, I I I realize that I've got to be intentional because my kid's gonna be in my home for just a short number of years, and I'm gonna get as much paint on the barn as I can while they're in my home.

The primary task, again, these three things are all under being intentional.

What do you mean to be intentional?

Think about these things.

And intentionality will be the byproduct.

The primary task is faithfulness, is faithfulness, it's not perfection, it's not, well, you know, we're not perfect, and sometimes I lose my temper and say things I shouldn't.

My wife confesses that all the time at my house, and I stay with her.

If you know my wife, you realize that's nowhere near the truth.

Uh, here's what I'm saying.

I hear this a lot.

Parents say, Well, you know, I've already messed up.

My kids know I'm not perfect.

Hey, your kids knew you weren't perfect before you messed up.

They just do.

And so don't think, oh, my kids look at me and discount.

No, no.

The task of parenthood is not, hey, I gotta be perfect, because I'm faithful.

Even when you screw up, you're faithful in how you deal with that.

So when I say be intentional, those are some things that'll help you be intentional.

Secondly, be doctrinal.

Be doctrinal.

It sounds heavy, but what I mean is surrender your lives as parents to the truths of Christianity.

Know and understand, not just that God loves me, because if all you teach your kid is God is love and God loves you, your kids will feel God, but they won't necessarily know God.

And the older they get, the less familiar that feeling will become, and the less necessary that thing will become.

But if, like last week, when we read from Hebrews chapter 13 or chapter 12, and it says, so let us worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.

Hebrews 13 · chapter mention

You gotta understand, you've got to teach your kids about the nature of God that he's love, but he's also wrath.

He's mercy, but he's also justice.

I was telling the last service I have a friend, his son got to be 16 and kind of got jaded and cynical and was just like, I don't know about all this, you know, dad, and you know, I've been in church my whole life, and it's just it's just boring.

I mean, I I only enjoy it, and they were going hunting, and it was like five o'clock in the morning, driving out to the deer stand, and my buddy, his son was asleep, and he stomped on the brakes, and his son's like, oh, oh, and he goes, Wake up, wake up.

You're fixing to go handle a firearm, son, you gotta be awake.

And his son was like, Dad, and he said, I'll tell you what, when I'm gonna walk you over to your stand and get you in your stand, I'm gonna go get my deer stand.

And while we may not see a deer, but let's just look around as the sun's coming up, let's just ask God, I want you to think something about the doctrine of calling.

And this kid's like, What?

He said, think about the doctrine of calling, son, and ask yourself, what God, what is God saying to you?

Because if the sun was two degrees off in any direction, half of the world would burn up and the other half would freeze.

And this kid's like, dang, dad, lighten up.

And he said, There's just God speaking all around you, and God's calling you, son, and you're you're sleepwalking through it, and you're blaming it on the church.

I'm not gonna raise a kid like that.

Shut up.

And this kid's like in his mind, like, I'm gonna text my friends later and tell them about you.

But son climbed down out of that deer stand.

If you go to his son now and say, Hey, what what was the thing that really made a difference in your life?

When did it all start to click for you?

And he said, I my dad talked to him about the doctrine of calling.

They got back in the deer stand, back of the truck to drive back from hunting, and his dad said, Well, what'd you hear?

And his son just burst into tears.

And I say be doctrinal, I don't mean be eggheaded.

I don't mean yell at your kids or make or try to force things on your kids.

I mean be winsome to the glory of God and be intentional.

It means mom and dad, you understand.

You say, What do you mean be doctrinal?

Google this uh the order of salvation.

And it'll talk about ten different doctrines, starting with the doctrine of election and calling and conversion and justification and sanctification and glorification and make it your goal by the time your kids get out of your home that they understand those things.

Because that captures your kids' imagination, and their attention follows their imagination because no one lusts after something they don't enjoy.

Let me say that again.

You got to capture your kids' imagination.

Stop worrying about their attention.

Their attention follows their imagination because they don't lust after things they don't enjoy, they don't find pleasure in.

You you you want to talk about God and so live in relation to God that your life captures your kids' imagination.

That's what I mean when I say be doctrinal.

Thirdly, how do we do this?

How do we how do we not exasperate our children or provoke our children to anger where they just look at us and they're just like, Are you kidding me?

Uh oh, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Thirdly, play offense, not defense.

I got a question.

Anybody here like the Dallas Cowboys?

Anybody?

Anybody?

Yeah.

Woo! I no longer like the Dallas Cowboys.

And don't get mad at me.

Here's why.

Stay with me, Keith.

Oh, get out of here.

Because when I was a kid, every Sunday we had the same ritual.

My dad would get in this purple recliner, kind of burgundy recliner, and sit there and pop the top on a schlitz, and we drink schlitz and what anybody remember what you know what schlitz is?

Yes, there'll be an invitation afterwards right down here for all you boozers.

And we'd sit there and watch the Dallas Cowboys, and it happened all the time.

The Cowboys would get ahead.

Roger the Dodger would bring them, and they'd be killing somebody.

And then about midway through the fourth quarter, they'd go into the prevent defense.

And I would just feel rage coming on me as a little kid because the pre-vent defense basically is you drop back and you want to protect against the big play and you're willing to give up a bunch of little plays.

And what would happen is the Washington Redskins would just dink and dunk a few little 10-yard, 12-yard, 15-yard passes, and they'd be within field goal range and they'd kick a field goal and break my heart.

And my dad would be screaming at the TV, get out of the pre-vent defense.

And I'd be like, Yeah, get out of the pre-vent defense.

You're like, what's that got to do with parenting?

Here's what it's got to do with parenting.

I call it the prevent defense.

Dr.

Kim, uh Tim Kimmel calls it fear-based parenting, where you drop back and you're in prevent mode, and you're willing to get, you say things to yourself like, Well, you know, kids will be kids, and you know, this is the 21st century, and just as long as they don't get pregnant and get hurt, everything's okay.

I want to say that your fear is crippling your children.

Your fear-based parenting is crippling your children.

See, either you prepare children to enter the world and conquer it.

Let me say this again, because I said this in the first service, and people are like, oh, I mean, either you prepare children to enter the world and conquer it, or you're you're trying to protect kids from the world.

And your whole thing, you send them to schools where they're going to be around Christians, and a defensive mindset worries about things like the evil influences of Halloween, Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, whether or not it's okay for your kids to read Harry Potter books and non-Christians on the little league team.

And hey, mom, can I go to sleep over?

Well, is that person a lost person?

And I would just say to you this I'm not saying, I get, there's a there's a protective instinct that you can't turn off.

I get that.

I'm not I'm not mocking that.

I'm not saying don't try to protect your kids.

I'm saying you cannot protect your kids from the world.

You can't be like the astrodome just hovered over your kids all the time.

What are you doing?

Like yesterday, our oldest went to the beach, and and I mean, she said, My friends come to pick me up.

I'm drinking coffee, just being a bum, and and and she's I'm gonna go out wait with my friends because they can't find my house.

And I'm like, my kids going to Galeston with people who can't find my house?

What kind of a parent am I?

And so I just walked outside and just leaned against the brick drinking my coffee, and they pulled up finally, and Master gets it, and while she's getting in the explorer, the girl takes off driving, and I hear, wait, wait, wait, and hey, got the door closed, and I'm just shaking my head.

And they look up like, oh, your dad's shaking his head.

And I'm just thinking, I'm letting my kid drive off to Galveston with this.

But she made it back.

She was home about 30 minutes, like a touch and go, and just took off.

Oh, Dad, me and Maggie are gonna go have dinner and go see a movie.

And I'm thinking, okay, go.

And she got in about 10, 10:30.

I went in her room and said, Let me smell your breath.

No, I didn't.

How many know what I'm referring to when I say let me smell your breath?

Yes.

Because your parent, that's fear-based parenting.

Oh, I better go in here and check and make sure my kid didn't go out and sin.

You say, Well, why do you do that?

Well, see, a defensive mindset worries about these kinds of things, these evil influences.

Here's why I don't do that.

Because I trust the efficacy of the gospel in my kid's life.

I believe what Jesus said in John 17, if you want a biblical paradigm.

Because some of you, you're fear, by the way, fearful parents raise fearful kids.

It's gonna really grind on you when you see your kids being in fear of what you feared.

He said, Well, I don't know what you mean.

John 17, Jesus is praying in the garden and he prays for his disciples, and he says, This Father, I pray you not take them out of the world, but leave them in the world so the world can be changed through them.

And then he keeps on praying, and he gets the point.

He says, And let my joy be in them and let it be in them to the full.

Jesus believed in the fullness of sovereign joy that comes from knowing him, and he believed that that could transform the culture.

And that's why he said, Leave them in the world.

Don't take them out of the world.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't go into pre-vent defense.

Why?

How else is the world gonna see and savor the gospel?

Unless they're around another 17-year-old or another 12-year-old who's not like them, not better than them, just different, has a totally different worldview.

Let me say again, parenting involves protection on some level, but you cannot insulate and isolate your kids from the world.

And it should protection should never be the main focus of your parenting.

Why?

Because we don't love our kids?

Not at all.

Because we believe the gospel has a power that we don't.

Let me say that again.

Because we believe the gospel has in itself a power that we don't.

So because we trust the power of the gospel, we don't have to be legalistic.

Let me say to some of you, your children don't believe the gospel, not because they haven't heard it.

I mean, some of you, you had your kids in Christian kindergarten, in Christian preschool, in Christian preparatory school, Christian summer camp for toddlers, Christian middle elementary school, middle school, high school, and they don't really care much about spiritual things.

And you're like, what is the deal?

Maybe it's this.

Maybe your kids don't believe the gospel, not because they've never heard it, but because they've heard it so much, they've become immune to it.

Or maybe they've never had to interact with it or its absence in their life because they're constantly interacting with you, cramming it down their throat.

And so their response to the gospel is really not a response to the gospel as much as it is your fear-based parenting and your legalism.

And what if your kids are not rejecting the faith, they're just rejecting your take on the faith.

So instead of going to my daughter's room last night and saying, Let me smell your breath.

Let me see your eyes.

Had a bloodshot.

I went in there to just ask her, hey, did you have fun?

And I opened the door, and she's wrapped up in the sheet, sound asleep, fried like a lobster from going to the beach.

Went in our room and I said to my wife, hey, hey, does our kid know the sun's out?

She goes, Yeah.

We asked her, she said, I ask her about the door.

You have sunscreen, she goes, Oh, they've got some.

And they had spray on sunscreen.

Spray on sunscreen doesn't work.

That's free today.

And there was my little cultish beauty, just just mouth breathing.

And I just said, God thanks for giving me kids I can trust.

Are my kids perfect?

Not at all.

Not at all.

But see, I I trust the gospel has a power that I don't.

That's what Paul says in Romans 1:16.

Romans 1:16

He says, I'm not ashamed of the gospel.

Why?

Because it's the power of God unto salvation to anyone who believes, to the Jew first, and then to the Greek, to the religious person, and to the smart person.

That's why when my daughter's friends come over and they're all the AP kids and they're good kids, they're well-mannered kids.

They love my wife and tolerate me.

Okay?

And they just all kind of look at me because I look at them and go, I'm smarter than all y'all.

Okay?

I would crush all of you in an intellectual dialogue.

It wouldn't be a debate because I I mean I that would be unfair, okay?

So y'all just take your standardized test.

You guys grew up passing the star test.

That's what education in America has eroded into passing these standardized tests.

I actually had to think when I was in school.

So bring it on, ladies.

And they're like, uh and Masson's like, oh, that's just my dad.

Don't mind him.

He's really nice.

And I'm back there going, no, I'm not.

No, I'm not.

Why?

I trust the gospel.

By the way, here's how you know I talk about play offense, not defense.

Here's how you know you're playing defense.

You're expecting externals to change the internal heart in your kid.

You change a kid's heart by teaching the gospel, modeling the gospel, and building your home around the gospel.

Here's why.

Because the gospel rightly understood makes Christianity, and rightly understood and modeled makes Christianity attractive.

Let me say it again.

The gospel rightly understood and modeled, lived out by mom and dad who've been married and stay married a long time.

And go, you know, hey, hey, how your mom has been able to stay married a long time.

There's no other option, sweetie.

This is when you get married, that's why you don't date little boys.

You wait for a man to come for your heart.

Because a boy wants to act like a boy.

A man knows how to be a man.

And you just date thinking about it.

About, hey, would I marry this person?

Then I'm not going to just hang out and kiss them on the mouth until something better comes along.

That's called defrauding.

I know, Dad, you've told me that since I was like seven.

And I'll be telling you, especially, I'm I told her this weekend, I said, I'm really gonna step on the gas because you got one more year left here under my roof.

Oh, so I'm gonna get some more moral lessons.

Oh, you're gonna get pearls of wisdom that drop from your father's mouth.

So I'm gonna go this week and get her a bucket and put it by her bed and go, here's what put those pearls in.

And she'll just go, thanks, Daddy.

Great.

See, you you you you you you you effective parenting, being consequential people, you you you make the gospel so attractive that it's hard for the world to get traction in your kid's life.

Now, I'm not saying they're not gonna be tempted, they're not gonna notice things in the world, but but but I promise you, if they see a mom and dad that are in love with a luminous, satisfying, winsome Jesus, they're kind of like, now wait a minute.

My parents know something that I don't know.

How do we do this?

Fourthly, you understand new birth.

You understand new birth.

What do you mean?

One of the reasons we're so fearful in the way we parent and we try to control our kids' environment, is because deep inside we're not sure our kids are converted.

And we don't have words for how to get at that because we've we've kind of confused affiliation with conversion in America.

And we believe that if our kids affiliate with a youth group or come to church or have good friends or go to the right school, then that's going to do it.

I tell parents all the time there's a book called Soul Searching, the religious and spiritual lives of American teenagers, that you should read.

It's a little bit depressing, but it's very insightful.

Uh, it's the book that coined the phrase moralist to describe adolescent faith in America, moralistic therapeutic deism, which is basically a mix of works, righteousness, religion and psychological well-being, and a distant, non-interfering God.

Which that last part is horribly crippling and unbiblically, it's not biblically true.

A distant, non-interfering God.

Here's one of the quotes from the book.

Most religious teenagers either do not really comprehend what their own religious traditions say they're supposed to believe, or they do not understand it and simply do not care to believe it.

Moralistic therapeutic deism has become the dominant civil religion and it's colonizing American Christianity.

You see, it's in our kids today, it'll be in our churches tomorrow.

This unbiblical view of God.

And so you got to understand the new birth.

It's why Jesus said to Nicodemus, marvel not that you must be born again.

Because Nicodemus comes to Jesus at night.

He's a member of the Sanhedrin.

That means he's memorized the first five books of the Old Testament: Genesis, Leviticus, Exodus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.

And he comes to Jesus in John chapter 3 and says, Rabbi, we know that you're a man who's come from God because no one could do the things you're doing unless God were with him.

John 3 · chapter mention

And Jesus says, Marvel not that you must be born again.

Stop sucking up to me, you religious blowhard, and think you can compliment me.

You're like Eddie on Leave It to Beaver.

You're like Eddie Haskell.

Oh, Mrs.

Cleaver, is that a new dress?

Shut up, Eddie.

I'm on to you, okay?

You pot smoking liar.

Don't you wish you would have said that once?

I know you're here to get my son to experiment with marijuana.

I'm telling you what, here's a butcher knife.

I'm here to put this to you.

Now who's gonna win?

That's the way Jesus was.

People came, hey Jesus, we think you're awesome.

Jesus is like, let's knock it off, suck up.

You ain't gonna get a sniff of the kingdom unless you're born again.

You're religious, but you don't have a relationship with me.

Bam.

And Nicodemus didn't bat an eye.

Nicodemus was like, okay, so what do you mean?

How can I enter a second time into my mother's womb?

Because he knew he was had.

Why do I tell you that?

That's the way you parent your kids.

Because your kids try to crack the code.

You're like an algebra problem.

They want to figure out what do I got to say and do to get what I want?

And sometimes the most loving, merciful, parental thing you can say to your son or daughter is, son, relax.

You just don't know Jesus.

That's why you live like you do.

Instead of, well, you know, I know you prayed the prayer of vacation Bible school when you were six, and we got the certificate, and you're 19, and you you've lived a really ungodly life since you were like 11, but I know you prayed the prayer.

Don't look back and see what your kids did back then.

Look in and see what your kids' heart's producing right now.

That's what I mean when I say understand new birth.

Maybe this will help us get at it.

Man named Arthur Pink said this about new birth.

He said the new birth is very much more than simply shedding a few tears due to a temporary remorse over sin.

It's far more than changing our course of life, the leaving off of bad habits and the substituting of good ones.

It is something different from the mere cherishing and practicing of noble ideals.

It goes infinitely deeper than coming forward to take some popular evangelist by the hand, sign the pledge card, or joining the church.

The new birth is no mere turning over a new leaf, but is the inception and the reception of a new life.

It is no mere reformation, but a complete transformation.

In short, the new birth is a miracle, the result of the supernatural operation of God.

It is radically revolutionary, lasting.

That's a lot of our kids are confused because they're trying to do something without the capacity to do it.

And it's mercy, it's love to look your daughter in the eye and weep, mom, and say, sweetie, this may be that you just don't know God.

And I'm not hating on you, I'm loving you.

I'm trying to you don't be a Pharisee.

I'm trying to rescue you from that.

Like Jesus said, hey, you guys wash the outside of the cup, but inside you're full of greed and envy and all kinds of stuff.

You're like a whitewashed tomb.

Don't raise your kids to be that way.

Let your kids know they can be honest and say, you know what, I don't believe this.

It's great.

It's not great, but hey, you got a starting point.

Fifthly and finally, be God centered.

How do we do this?

You be God-centered, as opposed to being child-centered.

A child-centered family compromises God's will for the sake of the children and their activities.

I'm not saying don't let your kids get involved in stuff.

I am saying this.

Look out for when the tail starts wagging the dog.

Does that make sense to anybody but me?

You shouldn't be jumping in the minivan and running around, oh, my kids in this and in that, and now no.

By the way, I'm so old, I remember when Sundays were off limits for soccer and baseball and everything else.

Now it's just like, yeah, you believe in the team, don't you?

Not that much.

My hope is in a sovereign God.

I don't have to do this every weekend and hope I'm gonna get a scholarship.

You don't, you don't get you don't get that much claim on my kids.

My wife and I had the conversation last night, driving to a crawfish boil while I didn't get any crawfish.

Not bitter or anything.

Got pinned over in the corner talking to people, and I was like the whole time just thinking, I just want some crawfish.

Well, hey, you're the pastor.

Let me ask you a question.

No, no more questions.

We drove by and people were loading up stuff, and and and hey, all four of your kids being involved in stuff.

But your kids expect you to know what's best for them.

And what's expected of you.

What do you mean being God-centered?

My guy named William Farley said this.

Let me give you four symptoms of a God-centered family, and we'll be done.

Number one, a willingness to say no to children when it's in the child's best interest.

A willingness to say no to your children when it's in your child's best interest.

By the way, your kids don't always know what's best for them.

You gotta say no.

No.

Secondly, a marriage in which dad and mom are united before their children.

Here's why.

Because your kids will play one of you against the other.

Especially if it's a second marriage and you've got a blended family.

They'll look at you like, you're not my dad.

I don't know what you're talking to me.

You're not my dad.

You're not the boss of me.

Or you're not my mom.

You're my stepmom.

I know a lot about stepmoms.

I had four of them.

But you got to be a united front.

Thirdly, a willingness to make your marriage more important than your children.

Come meddle a little bit.

I know it's Mother's Day.

I'm gonna get you out of here.

Your marriage ought to be more important than your kids because your marriage is gonna last long after your kids are gone.

And look at me.

Some of you hide behind your kids.

I'm talking to you, mom.

When you prioritize your kids and give all your energy to your kids, and you're the team mom and the homeroom mom and the cheerleader mom and the dance team mom, and your husband comes home and you're like, Oh man, I've been making sandwiches for the dance team all day.

I forgot about supper.

Let me just throw something together.

You're hiding behind your kids.

No.

Because here's the thing your marriage is gonna go on after those kids are gone.

And you should love your kids enough to say, hey, we love my kids aren't suffering.

But I tell my kids all the time, your mom's more important than you.

Not just today, by the way.

I talk I caught some one of our young men, he's like 19.

Every time he sees me, he's like, hey, hey, hey.

And I walk up to him, I said, Hey, you gonna see your girlfriend today?

I don't know.

Today's Mother's Day.

It ain't girlfriend day.

It's Mother's Day all day long, okay?

You can see your girlfriend tomorrow.

Spend all day with your mom.

Well, you know I'm a girlfriend.

I don't care about your girlfriend.

Is she gonna be your girlfriend tomorrow?

Is she more important than your mom?

And the mom's just clapping.

He's like, uh.

And I said, I can see in your eye, you're thinking, I'm gonna give two hours to Mother's Day brunch and then go spend the day with my girlfriend.

No, you're not.

No, it's Mother's Day.

There's no such thing as girlfriend day.

The poor kid just walked to his car like the best thing you can do is make your marriage more important than your children.

Fourthly and finally, a willingness to be different.

That sounds very simple, probably the most profound one on the list is just are you willing to not look around, see what else is doing?

Are you willing to find a church that teaches this and believes this and build your life and your parenting and your marriage on it?

It's not being so hardcore that you just exasperate your children.

It's about enjoying God more than they enjoy everything else in their life, and they look at you and kind of go, you know what, I don't always agree with you, but there's something about the way y'all do life that I cannot disagree with.

That's what I mean when I talk about managing what multiplies in marriage.

God said, Be fruitful and multiply.

He says, Hey, I want you to have this, so you better have a plan for it.

Or pretty soon you're enduring your kids.

You're not enjoying them.

And that's not the way God intended it.

When all is said and done, it comes down to am I willing to be different in the way I parent and lead my family?

If you're a single mom, talking to you.

If you're a mom and dad at home, I'm talking to you.

If you're a blended family, I'm talking to you.

Am I willing to be different?

Whatever the world says, I don't care.

I'm not better than you.

I I just have a clear understanding of my responsibility.

I have two daughters that I gotta raise and send into the world and say to them, you, because God's overcome the world, you can conquer the world.

You can be around people from different faiths, people that don't believe, and be unmoved by that.

You can just smile and go, no, thank you.

That's not a part of my life.

And let the chips fall where they may.

That's what it comes down to.

Are we willing to be different?

Stand to your feet, let me speak a blessing over you.

Hold your hands out.

God gave you a mom to remind you what's worth trusting in, and who's worth trusting.

Don't ever forget that.

Depart now and live like you know what to trust in.

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Bless you, you're dismissed.