Cultivating Character, Purity, and Respect in a Culture of Compromise | Song of Songs 1:1-4

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I really didn't realize how much selflessness and sacrificial love was involved in a marriage.

I learned how to put my husband first ahead of me.

Being single before everything was around me, it was about me.

But now that you're married with someone, you have to think of that person.

I have to think of what he loves, what he likes, so.

God's mandate and God's promise in the midst of marriage that you begin to understand to the extent of when Christ says as he's laid down his life for the church, um, the submission, the self-sacrifice and all those things.

I I don't think that kind of relationship can be experienced anywhere except within the confines of marriage.

Every so often I have to remind myself that whoever that I'm gonna marry that's out there for me, uh if God has it for me, um, is that she's worth it.

Um and so the waiting, the waiting will be worth it, it'll it'll all be worth it in the end.

All my problems are gonna go away, and then I'm gonna, you know, fix, you know, him or I'm gonna fix her.

And and I think that that's not right.

And so, you know, so they might be looking to marriage to be an answer of all my problems.

Kind of began um by loving him like the way I wanted to be loved.

We can rest in that God God is showing us these things at the right time, and so we're able to kind of lean on each other, but most importantly, lean on the Lord in that.

All right, good morning, everybody.

Um, so we're gonna have a video kind of in in most of the sermons, and it's just people from our church family that are gonna share some wisdom with you as well.

So it's not just me up here, but I just I want us all to be growing together in this book.

And I and you're gonna see they have some real wisdom to share with you.

Uh, a couple things before I get started here.

The first thing is these sermons are probably more PG 13 than the RG.

So if you have some, if you have any children and you want to send them off to childcare, feel free to do that.

Um, but that's how I'm gonna preach.

Next week is Family Worship Sunday.

So I'm not gonna be in Song of Solomon.

I'm gonna preach another sermon because I looked at the text and it's just not gonna work.

So um, anyhow, let's uh let's pray and let's get started, okay?

Lord Jesus, I want to thank you for this for this book.

I thank you that you put it in the Bible.

I thank you that you care about our relationships, Lord.

You care about our marriages, you care about sex, you care about all that because you created it.

It was all your wonderful and good idea.

It was your gift to us, Lord.

And so I pray that you'd help us to steward that gift well and you'd show us where we're kind of off track and we need to get back on track and and going your way again, Lord.

Your name I pray.

Amen.

All right, so if you want to go ahead and turn there, it's called Song of Solomon or Song of Songs.

It's right before um, it's right after Ecclesiastes, it's right before the book of Isaiah.

It's also it's it's after Psalms and Proverbs.

If you want to, that's generally where it is.

Some of you are probably pretty familiar with this book, and some of you probably you've never heard of it, you didn't even know it was in the Bible.

I I ran into some people that way this week.

And and all the above are okay.

So this is a book, it's about relationships.

Um, and and the question is why this book and why now?

And I think uh the simple answer is it's a book that it's it's about an ideal relationship.

It's about uh a couple that their relationship isn't perfect.

You're gonna see they have fears, they have insecurities, but they really love each other.

And there's a lot that we can learn from the way that they love each other.

And and for us, over the the last uh few weeks and years uh of COVID, I don't know that our relationships have gotten better.

I think in general, COVID kind of made things worse.

I know we're coming out of it now and things are getting better, but we're starting to get back into relationship again.

And so what happened to people is if if you went into COVID and your marriage maybe had a couple issues, but now it's just you and your wife and your kids stuck in a home, or for some of you that are single, it might have just been you stuck in a home.

The issues that you have relationally and the fissures there, they got exposed, right?

And if you didn't have tools to know how to deal with that stuff, it probably your relationships probably got worse and not better.

And so I think because of that, it's a very good time to talk about our relationships and try to get them right.

Um, so for singles, you might be like, well, what's this have to do with me?

I would say it has everything to do with you because this book isn't just about marriage, it's it's about just relationships in general.

If you apply the principles in this book to your relationships, your relationships are gonna get better.

They're gonna grow, you're gonna grow closer to Jesus.

So um let's let's take a look.

How does God want us to live?

What's relationship look like for us?

We're gonna read verses one, one through four, and that's where we're gonna be today.

So it says this: it says the Song of Songs, which is Solomon's.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine, your anointing oils are fragrant, your name is oil poured out.

Therefore, virgins love you.

Draw me after you, let us run.

The king has brought me into his chambers.

So, my goal is when I start a new book, what I like to do is I like to give you all the information, and I like to give you enough information that by the end of the sermon, you could go home and you could study the book on your own and you would know what is going on, okay?

And so that's what I'm gonna try to do here in the first like 10 minutes, and then we'll get into the text, okay?

So, first of all, it says the song of songs.

You'll see this other places in scripture too.

Like it says holy of holies.

That means it's the holiest place on earth.

Or, or you could also say, um, you could also say that it's uh that it's like the painting of all paintings, like this is the best painting ever, or the stake of all stakes, it's the best steak you've ever eaten.

That's what it's saying.

This is the best song that's that's kind of ever been written.

It's the song of songs.

And we carry on and it says, which is Solomon.

So immediately you're like, well, Solomon probably wrote the book.

That's probably the author.

Maybe not quite so quick.

If you look at that Hebrew the way it's written, that phrase, which is Solomon's, can be interpreted a couple different ways.

It can mean it's written by him, it can mean that.

It can also mean it's written to him.

And thirdly, it can also mean it's written concerning him.

And so those all kind of have pretty different meanings.

And so here's kind of where I'm at with it.

There are men who are older and wiser than me that they would say that Solomon wrote the book.

There are men that are older and wiser and know this book better than me, that they would say they don't think Solomon did write the book.

They think it was written about him.

And not necessarily about him, but it was it was like a poor country couple that wrote the book, and they wrote it in protest of Solomon's lifestyle.

And that is more where I land.

Because I think Solomon would have struggled to write a book that clearly is about exclusive mutual commitment between a husband and wife.

And here's why I think that.

If you go to 1 Kings 11, 1 through 4, let's look at Solomon's life just a little bit quickly.

1 Kings 11, 1 through 4, I think it'll be up there on the screen.

Now, King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh, Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.

Solomon clung to these in love.

He had seven hundred wives, who were princesses, and three hundred concubines, and his wives turned away his heart.

For when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.

So we see here that Solomon's exclusive mutual commitment wasn't really something that he operated by.

He had a ton of wives.

I mean, I can't even imagine having that many women.

And these women, they turned his heart away.

And they turned his heart away because when you enter into covenant with somebody, we'll talk about covenant in a couple weeks.

When you in the covenant with somebody, you start to love the things that they love.

And Solomon, he got married to these people he entered into covenant with him, and he started to love the things that they loved.

The gods that they were worshiping, he started to worship as well.

Let me just give you one example of one of the gods that they worshiped.

There was a there was one of these people groups, there was a God that uh there was a statue of this God and it held its arms out like this, and they'd have a huge bonfire going under the arms.

And the way you pleased this God was you would take your infant child and you'd put it in this God's arms, and the baby would be burned up, and that's how you made the God happy.

That's incredibly evil.

But Solomon had married a woman from that people group.

This was one of the gods that if you read on, it says that he was worshiping.

Um so I don't think Solomon did.

Let me give you one piece of evidence from the book why I don't think he wrote this book.

I think it was written in protest of his lifestyle.

6-8, chapter, Song of Solomon, Song of Solomon, chapter 6, verse 8.

Song of Solomon 6:8

It says, There's 60 queens and 80 concubines and virgins without number, but my dove, my perfect one's the only one, the only one of her mother, pure to her who bore her.

So if Solomon wrote this, and and this also I think helps us with the dating, I think this was written early in Solomon's reign when he only had 80 concubines, 60 queens and 80 concubines.

So that was very early on in his reign.

Um, he's saying to this, to his wife in this passage, he's saying, You know, I have 60 queens and I have 80 concubines, but you're my favorite.

I don't think that's actually that much of a compliment.

It is, but it's not a great compliment.

I think it reads better if this country couple, if he's looking at Solomon, he's like, you know, Solomon has 60 queens, he has 80 concubines, but I don't need them.

I mean, think about it, Solomon would have been married to the most beautiful women in the kingdom, but he's saying, I don't need them, I would rather have you.

Now, ladies, which which one is a better compliment to you?

This the second one, right?

Like by far, much better compliment, much smoother.

So I I think that it's more likely that Solomon did not write the book.

I think it's a poor country couple, and I think they actually wrote the book.

I think it was God's grace to Solomon that he was trying to warn Solomon and say, Solomon, the direction you're going, it's not gonna go well.

Please stop.

Like you have plenty of wives now.

Let's let's let's focus more on this mutual exclusive love commitment to your wives.

One other thing that you'll see in the book is throughout the book, they often refer to themselves as as king and queen.

And so people are like, well, that has to be Solomon.

It doesn't actually.

In Israelite culture, on your wedding day, they'd refer to you as king and queen for that day, that your wedding day.

And and you'll see in chapter three, starting about verse six, it talks about Solomon's wedding.

And the way it talks about it, it's not like Solomon's writing it.

It's not like King Solomon is talking directly, like, this is my wedding, and this, it's not like that.

It's like over there's King Solomon's wedding, and they're viewing the wedding.

And it refers to him as King Solomon in that.

And so if you think about this, if he already has 60 queens and 80 concubines at the time this book was written, how often would Solomon have had one of these weddings?

I mean, he would have had weddings, this would have been a regular occurrence.

He would have been having weddings all the time.

And I think it's just this country couple looking at this wedding, going by and all the pomp and circumstance, and I think that's what's happening in chapter three.

So that's my view of the book.

One other thing we need to look at before we get into the book is how are we as a culture doing with our relationships?

How are we as a culture doing with our relationships?

For some of you, you know, you might have been going to church your whole life and you might be somewhat unaware of what's happening in the culture around you.

For others of you, you might have just walked in, it might be your first time at church this morning, and you might be completely aware of what's going on in the culture around us.

Our view of love and sex is greatly shaped by what we watch on TV, what we read in magazines, what we're looking at on the internet, and and and culture is shaping us through these means.

I mean, some of you, you probably have an app on your phone where there's a picture of a male or a female and a little bit of information, and you swipe right or you swipe left, and that's how you're deciding who you're gonna hook up with tonight.

I mean, for some of you, that's probably a reality.

There was a survey done recently, the Pew research did it, I think it was in 2020 or 2021, and they said that half of self-identified Christians in America say that casual sex is sometimes or always acceptable.

Half.

And so let me define casual sex for casual sex, that means between consenting adults who are not in a committed romantic relationship.

Half of self-identified Christians.

So what that's telling me is the audience, you guys out there, 50% of you, I probably have some convincing to do.

Because like you're saying that that's not what scripture says.

You've been much more shaped by culture than you have by scripture.

Um, if we continue with that, the religiously unaffiliated, same research study, 84% of them think casual sex is okay.

And for agnostics and 80th, atheists, nine and 10 of them think that that is okay.

And I don't want to completely get into all of this right now, but what I what I do want you to think about for right now is that sex is a gift that God created.

And if God created sex, if if he was that good to create something that that wonderful and pleasurable and loving between a man and a woman, and he was good enough to give that to us, that's in his nature and in his character.

Don't you think that he would also give us some uh some parameters and some ways to do that that would be actually for our joy?

He's not trying to kill your joy, he's trying to give you a better sex life.

The problem with us as a culture is that we haven't really gone God's way with this.

We've said, you know what, God, you can have control the rest of my life, but this part of my life I want to control.

And so what's happened is that in in worldwide, porn is a nine pornography is a$97 billion industry.

$97 billion.

Here in the United States, it's between$10 and$12 billion are spent on pornography a year.

So to give you a little bit of an idea on that, the NFL last year spent about$16 billion.

We spent about$16 billion on that.

So that gives you some idea.

And I don't even know that that really is accurate because now everybody, the way we're accessing porn is now through our smartphones, and a lot of it's free.

And it didn't used to be as free.

You had to buy a magazine before.

So there was a there's this other survey done, and it said that 84.4% of 14 to 18-year-old males, 14 to 18-year-old males, and 57% of 14 to 18-year-old females have viewed pornography.

That is that's a lot of exposure to an industry that's claiming to be adult entertainment, right?

Like that, that's our young people are looking at this stuff.

And you might think, well, that's not a big deal, it's just images on a screen, it's not hurting anybody, they're just having fun, let them do it.

It's it's better than actually having sex.

But in in reality, it's not.

As demand increases online, as we're looking at more and more stuff online, the sex industry as a whole is also increasing.

So that means we're victimizing more and more that are vulnerable in our community.

So there was a study done by the Rescue Freedom Foundation, and they found that 49% of sexually exploited women in nine countries said pornography was made of them while they were being sold for sex.

So think about this.

You you know, there's that, there's uh, we're we're doing all these things to try to end human trafficking.

Like you'll see people with the X on their hand, and that's because they're they're like, we want to end human trafficking, it's terrible, we don't want it to happen anymore.

The way that you could end human trafficking is to stop looking at pornography.

That would be the best thing you could, because the demand would dry up and we wouldn't need it anymore.

But I don't know that our culture is as open to that.

And so every time we look at pornography, we're creating demand for more and more prostitutes, and in turn, they're fueling the sex trafficking industry.

That's what's happening.

So, how how are parents doing in this?

There's a recent report by the BBFC, and they said 75% of parents believe their child had never encountered porn.

So 75%, they don't think their kid ever looked at porn.

But the same the children of those parents were also interviewed, and 53% of them had encountered porn.

So, what that means is a lot of you you think your kids aren't looking at it, but most likely they are.

Like some of you should maybe have a conversation with Billy this afternoon and say, hey man, like what's going on?

Have you have you seen anything?

That should probably happen.

Um, as of April 2021, there was there was uh an analysis of the most trafficked websites worldwide.

So how the websites that people are going to the most.

Two of the top 10 most visited sites, and a third one came in.

There were two in the top 10 that were porn sites, and there was a third one that came in at 13th.

So again, we're just we're looking at a lot of porn.

Uh SEM Rush, traffic analytics tool.

They they they're looking at how often people are going to sites.

They said that porn sites received more website traffic in 2020 than Twitter, Instagram, Netflix, Zoom, Pinterest, and LinkedIn combined.

Combined.

One more stat for you.

In 2019 alone, the equivalent of nearly 6,650 centuries, 6,650 centuries of porn was consumed on one of the world's largest porn sites.

So it's a this is a problem in our culture.

Um and I could give you stats all day long, but I I I think you guys, I think you know.

And and I think probably the biggest problem in our culture is a lot of us think there's nothing wrong with this, that's not affecting our relationships, but but it is.

Um also I think some of us have just been so caught up in it that we've just given up and we're done fighting.

Like we we're just like, it's it's just me, it's just what I do.

And and pornography is not our only issue.

Like uh polygamy is becoming more and more popular in the States.

That's that's when like two men marry one woman or two women marry one man, that's becoming more popular.

We have people who are very confused about what their their identity is sexually and with their gender.

Um an actress just came out this week and she said, I don't want to be referred to as she or her.

I want you to refer to me as they and them.

I I don't I don't understand that completely.

Like I it it it doesn't really work that well grammatically.

Like it's confusing, right?

It's very confusing.

Uh in my studies, I also found there's something new in America.

It's called solo gammy.

That's when you marry yourself, which is also just really it's strange to me.

I don't I don't really get the appeal of that.

And so here's here's what I think we as a culture are hoping.

We're hoping that we can spend 10 to 15 hours either watching pornography or on Netflix and go to church for one hour a week and we're gonna grow in Jesus.

But that's probably not gonna work.

What what you're spending your time and engaging your mind with, that's where your mind is gonna go.

And so, what actually happens is the more porn you look at, the more it fries your brain.

There was a doctor and she did a study, and and so here's what she's found in her clinical experience.

She said, I've seen in my clinical experience that pornography damages the sexual performance of the viewers.

Pornography viewers tend to have problems with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, having spent so much time in unnatural sexual experiences with paper, paper, celluloid, and cyberspace, they seem to find it difficult to have sex with a real human being.

Pornography is raising their expectation and demand for the types and the amount of sexual experience, and at the same time, it's reducing their ability to experience sex.

I have a friend and um he's married to a beautiful woman.

And most of the guys in here, if you saw her, you'd be like, She is very attractive.

But this guy has looked at so much porn in his lifetime that he has no desire for her any longer.

He's just broken.

He's just broken.

And if you continue to look at porn, and and just like any other sin, the more you look at it, it's never enough.

Like you need it needs to get more and more twisted and deviant, and and that's the that's the path that you're on if you're in the in the porn realm, and that's what you're doing.

And so Ernest Becker, he wrote this book called Denial of Death, and he's speaking of our culture, and I think he really hit it on the head.

And this is what he said.

He said, We're the first society that has a widespread belief that there is no ultimate future.

We think when you die, you go to extinction.

When the sun dies, we'll just disappear.

There's never been a society that has such an understanding of the insignificance of human life, and the result is there's never been a society that's put so much emphasis on romance and finding that one true love.

Why?

We still need to know that our life matters in the grand scheme of things.

We still want to merge ourselves with higher meaning, but if we no longer have God, how do we do this?

The self-glorification that we need in our innermost being, we no longer look to God, we look to our love partner.

We want to be rid of our faults, rid of our feelings of nothingness.

We want to be justified to know our existence has not been in vain.

We want redemption, nothing less.

So we live in a culture that says without sex and love, you can't possibly be satisfied.

That's our culture.

We've made sex God and we've kind of worshipped at its altar.

And when you want that kind of value and that kind of worth to come from sex, it's not gonna happen.

You your partner can't offer that to you.

The only the only being that can offer that to you is Jesus.

And so we're gonna talk about this over the next few weeks.

And I know maybe some of you you're like, yeah, I don't I don't know that we need to talk about this.

I don't like talking about this in church, but the the problem is that it's happening in our society.

And if we can't talk about it in church, where are we gonna talk about it?

We we've got to talk about this stuff because we've got to get ourselves right.

And so I hope that you're starting to see that all of us we're we're all a mess, we've all messed up, and we're just gonna study scripture and we're gonna see where we're off, and we're gonna repent, and we're gonna say, we're sorry, and we're gonna accept the Lord's grace, and we're all gonna grow together during this series.

Okay?

So let's get started.

Let's start talking about the book.

In this book, what you're gonna see is the female is gonna speak 53% of the time, and the male is gonna speak 39% of the time, and their friends are gonna speak the rest of the time.

And some of you are laughing because you know in your marriage that's true.

In general, and not always true, but in general, women have more to say.

You're more verbal creatures than we are as men.

And so, in a healthy marriage, the woman usually is gonna be talking more, and that's a good thing.

Your wife should feel safe and she should feel like she can share what's on her heart.

But now, neither one can be quiet, like both of you have to.

Be sharing, but in general, she's going to share more.

One other thing about the book.

A lot of people take this book and they try to say in the beginning they're dating, then they get engaged and then they get married.

I don't think that happens because I think if you do that, you start to run into some issues.

Let me point one out for you.

113, look at that.

It says, My beloved is to me a satchel of myrrh that lies between my breasts.

So those who interpret this book and they say, you know, this is just, they're dating at this point.

I don't know that that's really a great way to promote purity in your life by laying your head there.

That's probably not the best, right?

And people that interpret it this way, they're not saying that.

Like they would say she wants him to be there, but he's not actually there.

I think it's it's more natural if you just say, yeah, that that's what's actually happening.

Okay.

And so I think they're married the whole book.

I don't think there's a dating and then engaged and then married thing.

I'm just gonna say they're married the whole time, and I think there's a lot that we can learn from that.

Okay?

Let's get started.

So, verse two, he says, Let him kiss, she says, not he, she says, Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.

And so this is her saying that she desires to be with her husband.

And so the first principle that we can kind of pull from this book is both male and female, both of you should be expressing that you want to be with one another.

That should happen regularly in a healthy marriage.

I think culturally, a little bit, particularly in church culture, uh, there's this sense that women aren't allowed to express how they're feeling sexually, or they're not allowed to express their desires.

But what scripture would say isn't that.

Scripture would say, yes, you should.

It would be good, it would be healthy, it would make your marriage better if you expressed your desires.

And you know, I was I was just thinking about this, and if my wife came up to me and she was, she started expressing stuff like this, I think I'd be all ears very quickly.

Like it wouldn't, like that would have a good result in my marriage, right?

And I think for both sides, if you guys do that, it's gonna have a good result in your marriage.

So the first thing I encourage you to do is when you desire one another, tell each other.

It'll be good for your marriage.

The next thing it says, and this is where the book is very uh not yet, your love is better than wine, your anointing oils are fragrant.

So she's saying here that the way he kisses her, his love, it's like intoxicating.

Like she when he kisses her, she feels a little bit lightheaded.

Wine as well, when you drink it, it it lingers, and the memory of it as you savor it, it stays with you for a little bit.

And he's she's trying to say that his love is like that.

The next thing she says in this book, it's incredibly practical.

She says your anointing oil is a fragrant.

And what she's saying is he smells good, right?

And so another principle.

So for singles out there, if you want to write down things you need to look for in a future spouse, you don't want them to stink.

You want somebody that smells good.

Really, like that, the book is that practical.

Um, so that means they they take showers, they wear deodorant, maybe some clone or perfume sometimes.

Um, I had a young man, he he, this is when I was in Asia, and I like to say he was raised by wolves because his parents weren't that involved in his life.

Like he told me in growing up he'd eat chips and soda every night for dinner, and his parents didn't do anything about it.

That's not maybe the best parenting.

So when he came out to where I was in Taiwan, uh he came over to my home once.

And when you go to an Asian person's home, you need to take your shoes off before you go in.

That's just a sign of respect.

And so he took his shoes off.

And first thing he took his shoes off, I'm like, what is that smell?

His feet smelled terrible.

And it's because his parents, like, I mean, I found out later, his parents never really taught him you need to bathe to smell good, and it just didn't happen.

So I said, Hey man, that's not gonna work here.

Go to our bathroom, get some soap, clean your feet.

And he did.

He was a very teachable young man, and and eventually he learned.

But um you don't want to date somebody or be with somebody that stinks.

So, husband, what's this?

This means like when you get home from work, you can't go up to your wife and be kissing her and hugging her when you're all sweaty and stinky and expect to get some loving.

Like, that's that's probably not the best approach.

Go home, take a shower, and then that would go way better.

Okay, so simple, very simple.

Don't be stinky, wear a deodorant and cologne and perfume if they like that, and it'll go better for you.

Next point Your name is oil poured out.

And so, what she's saying is just as your smell, this the scent goes before you, your reputation goes before you as well.

Like people, you you have a good, you're you're respected in the community and you have a good reputation.

And she she continues, she describes it more.

She says, Therefore, virgins love you.

So she's saying there are other young women in this community that they're interested in you as well.

Like you you're a catch, you're the kind of guy that other women are interested in.

So, next point.

So, first one is don't be stinky, and that one's maybe not as important as this one.

This one's much more important.

You want to marry the kind of person who's respected in your community.

What that means is you're looking for somebody that has godly character.

So I remember back, I just graduated college and I was living out in Hawaii, and I'd never had a girlfriend at that point in my life.

And I started dating uh my first girlfriend.

And as I began to date her, I was like, you know, I should probably ask, this was after we began dating.

I should probably ask people, like, what do they think of this?

Like, I need to get some wisdom from other people.

So I went to other people and I said, you know, what do you think about relationship?

What do you think of her?

They'd be like, Oh, she's nice.

And they wouldn't say much more.

And at the time, I mean, it was my first girlfriend.

I don't think I was really completely thinking straight, or what are what is people really saying to me?

I didn't really catch what they were saying by what they weren't saying, right?

Um and and so here's what happens: if you ask people's advice about who you're dating, once you're already dating, you're not gonna get an honest answer.

Like my wife and I were about to have a baby, she's due any day.

We have we purposely have not told people what the name of the baby is.

Because if you tell people before you have the baby the name of the baby, they give you all kinds of advice.

So, like, yeah, that's not a good name, maybe you should go with this one.

But if you wait till after the baby's born, even if they hate the name and go, oh, that's a great name, you did so good, right?

So that's we're waiting until after he's born, and then you guys will all just love the name.

That happens in dating too.

If you start asking people after you've started dating what they think of things, they're probably not gonna give you as an honest, as honest of an answer.

Now, Pastor Neil, he would.

He would tell you exactly what he thought.

But most people aren't wired exactly like Pastor Neil.

They're not gonna be as honest if you wait till then.

So um I broke up with her after about three months because I we were just, we wanted to do different things with our lives.

And uh anyhow, soon after that, I noticed April.

Um, and how that happened was I was in the school, and during the school, there was a whole week on the topic of relationships, dating, marriage, sex, kind of like what I'm gonna do for the next couple weeks here.

And during that week, on one of the first days, the guy said the number one thing you should look for in a spouse is godly character.

You want somebody that's respected by the community, what this text is talking about here.

And I'm just thinking, man, do I even know anyone like that?

My brain just started, I don't know how I got to the age of 22 and I didn't realize godly character was an important thing, but I did.

Um, and and so I'm walking, there's this outside hallway that I'm walking along, and as I'm walking, I look up to the right, and the sun is shining through the trees, and April's up there.

If it was a movie, music would have started to play.

And I was like, she has that.

She has godly character.

And and my heart started to be drawn to her.

I I didn't go and say anything to her, but what I said is I don't want to make the same mistake I did last time.

I'm gonna start asking people, What do you think of her?

And as I went around and asked people, you know, what do you think of April?

Yeah, I heard stuff like this.

She's amazing, she really loves Jesus, she's a leader, she's the real deal.

And eventually it would get to the point where they'd say, Are you interested in her?

And I'd say, Yeah, I think I am.

And they'd say, You better not mess around, man.

She she's not the kind of girl that you just date, she's the kind of girl you marry.

Like, don't play around with her heart.

You need to be serious and be ready to get married if you're gonna date her because she's she's gold.

Do you hear the difference in people's description of the two people?

That's like the second description, the description I got at April, that's the kind of person you're looking for.

Here's maybe an even deeper question.

This isn't just for people that want to date, this is for all of us, married people too.

How do you get that kind of character in your life?

How do we get that kind of character in our lives?

And I think this is kind of an underlying assumption of the whole book.

The only way you get that kind of character and get this kind of relationship is you need to understand the gospel, right?

You need to understand Jesus, it needs to become the center of both of your lives because that's the only way that you're gonna be able to have the kind of relationship that this book talks about.

How do you grow in character and become that type of person?

The only way that happens is the Holy Spirit has to begin to open your eyes to your faults, right?

Like you can't just keep going on and never see any faults because you'll never grow, right?

Like the Holy Spirit actually has to come, open your eyes, and you gotta see where you're messing up so that you can grow in those things, right?

Um, what this means is we all have to get to a point where we can admit that we're not perfect.

Pastor Neoli often says, you know, we put it in a ditch.

Like you need to admit that at some point in your life you've you put it in a ditch.

We've all messed up, we've all sinned, we've all fallen short of God's glory, and we need the Holy Spirit to come and begin to change us.

Here's how this actually looks in real life.

Um so maybe for you, maybe you're the husband in your in your marriage and you got home Friday night and you were just exhausted from work, so you just plop down on your recliner and started watching Sports Center, and you didn't engage with your kids, you didn't engage with your wife, and meanwhile, your wife's cooking, she's having fun with the kids, playing board games and stuff, and you're just checked out.

And you realize as a Christian father that you dropped the ball that night.

You did not do what God is calling you to do.

And the way you grow in character is by going to your wife and admitting, like, I messed up, honey.

I should I should have led tonight and I just plopped on the couch.

Like, please forgive me.

That's how you begin to grow in character.

And then you say, Holy Spirit, will you come and will you help me to not do that next time?

I need your strengths, Lord.

Or maybe the wife, and maybe you've just been really critical of your husband this weekend.

Maybe you asked him to do the dishes and he did them, but you were like, You didn't do them right.

You didn't put them away right, you didn't do that right.

And then you call your mom and your friend, you're complaining to them, my husband's so clueless, what's wrong with him?

And you realize, like, that I shouldn't have done that.

And in that moment, you have a choice.

Am I gonna grow on character or am I just gonna keep going?

If you want to grow in character, you go to your husband and you say, I blew it, I shouldn't have done that.

I you washed the dishes, I should have been more grateful, I should have like, please forgive me.

And you ask the Holy Spirit to come and help you to grow.

Or maybe you're a college student and you went out with your friends for dinner this weekend, and you're out and you're talking and you're talking about life, and you're like, have you heard about Bob and what happened to him?

Like, he he goes to our same college and he cheated on a test, and they're thinking about kicking him out of school now because he cheated on the test, and you all start talking about, and Bob, Bob's not there.

You gossiped about them.

And and you realize you did this, and in that moment, as the Holy Spirit enlightens you and you see like that, I shouldn't have done that.

You have a choice.

Am I gonna grow in character or am I just gonna keep going?

And if you want to grow in character, you go to your friends and you say, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

That was gossip, I shouldn't have done it.

But see, see, what the what the gospel does is it frees us to admit the flaws that we have in our lives.

We're no longer trying to earn God's favor.

God already knows you screwed up.

He knows that He knows that you were looking at porn this week.

He knows if you've had an affair, He knows if you've gossiped about your friends, He knows that.

And He says all of that was really bad sin.

It wasn't good.

It was so bad that I had to go to a cross for it.

And I did.

And because I went to that cross, you're forgiven now if you just accept it.

And so for all of us, the story of the prodigal son is true.

The prodigal son is the son that he said, Father, I want all my money now, I want the inheritance now.

And he went out and he just spent it.

Just spent it on stupid living drugs, women, all of that.

He spent all of it and he comes back with nothing, just ragged, a mess, and he's just going home hoping that his father will give him some kind of job.

And his father sees him coming from a long way off and goes running and gives him a big hug and says, Welcome home, son.

And that's what God the Father does for each and every one of us.

And that truth, that is what makes it okay for us to admit that we've messed up.

And so, men in particular, I think we probably struggle a little bit more to admit that we've made mistakes.

You're not gonna lose your, you're not less manly because you admit that you're wrong.

You're more manly when you admit you're wrong.

Your kids need to see you apologizing.

They need to see you admitting that admitting that you've messed up.

Because your kids are sinners and you need them to admit that, right?

Like you need to see them do that if they're gonna grow.

The only way they're gonna know how to do that is if you've set the example and they've seen you do it.

And so this is something that throughout the book we're gonna have to uh continue to work on.

And this is this is how you grow in character.

It's admitting you're wrong and asking the Holy Spirit to come and change you.

That's how you grow.

Verse 4 draw me after you, let us run.

The king has brought me into his chambers.

And again, this this woman, she just wants to be with this man, and she's saying, like, let's run away and can we just go over to your place right now?

Like that that's where her heart is.

But but I want you to notice something here.

She she says, the king has brought me into his chambers.

She refers to her husband as king.

Throughout this book, something you're gonna see is they just talk, they speak so well of each other, they speak very highly of one another.

And and I just wanted to ask us, are are we doing that in our marriages?

Are we speaking highly of our spouse?

Like, like women, are are you are when you're talking with your your female friends, are are you saying, I can't believe this guy married me?

I'm so lucky to to to be in a marriage with him and and to be cared for the way he cares for me.

He's just so good to me and I'm so grateful.

Is that the kind of talk that comes out of your mouth?

Or are you constantly criticizing your husband?

Men, are you the guy that's like, yeah, that's my old lady over there?

Do you call your wife your old lady?

Because that's that's not very respectful.

Or are you the kind of guy that when you talk about your wife, you're like, Yeah, I I can't believe this girl married me.

I I I'm so lucky that she decided to marry me.

Like, I like I way out kicked my coverage on this one.

She's so good and so much better than I deserve.

Because here's what happens when when you speak about your spouse in that way, when you speak about them in a way that's respectful and loving and kind, it starts to affect the way that you think about your spouse.

Like you, even for people that are single, it the way you talk about your friends, if you're always gossiping and complaining about them, don't be surprised if you don't have a bunch of warm, fuzzy feelings toward them.

But if you begin to speak well of them and encourage them, you're gonna start to feel more warm and fuzzy toward them.

And maybe for some of us, that's maybe step one.

Maybe we need to begin to speak well of each other and encourage each other and speak out the good that we see in our spouse and in our friends.

So that's four verses, guys.

We're started.

We have a lot more to go.

There's a lot more to talk about.

Um I hope that you found some things in there that that uh that you feel challenged by, and you got some things that you can go out this week and say, this is an area where I need to grow and this is something I need to work on.

Um Lindsay's gonna come up and she's gonna lead us in a in a final song.

And and in the song, it's gonna say, Here's my heart, Lord.

Would you come and would you speak what's true?

And that's really kind of where I'm at for this whole sermon series.

We need to get to a place where we're like, you know what?

I I my wife and I don't have it perfect.

Or if you're a single person, you know I there's some things I'm not doing right.

I need to get my life in alignment with God.

There's some places where I've gotten out of whack and I want to get back to doing things God's way.

And we just kind of need to lay our hearts before God and say, God, would you come and would you speak during this series?

One more thing I want you to know.

I think I said this in the beginning, but I want to make sure you know again, I'm not gonna be preaching from Song of Solomon next week.

I'm gonna do a one-off sermon because I there's it's family worship Sunday and I don't, it's not really appropriate.

So let me pray.

And there'll be some questions up here as well.

Lord Jesus, I want to thank you.

Thank you that you put this book in the Bible.

Thank you that you care about us enough that you're you're not just gonna let our relationships just get old and stale and and and musty, Lord, but you want us to have the kind of relationship that's in this book.

This is your ideal for us, Lord.

This is your heart for us.

And so I pray for married couples.

Man, wherever we're at, Lord, whether whether we've had affairs, we've been divorced, we we've been hurt, Lord, I pray that would you come this morning and would you just give us a little bit of hope that if we begin to apply the truths in this book, that that maybe we could begin to see uh fruit in our relationships, Lord.

I pray for young people that you come and you'd speak to them this morning, Lord.

And would you give them hope for a future and for a spouse if that's what they want?

For all of us, Lord, would would you help us to be better friends to one another and have deeper relationships with each other?

Thank you, Jesus.

Amen.

At this time, if you would turn your attention to the screens, we would like to let you know what's going on in the life of our church.

Thank you for joining us today.

Here's a few things we want you to know.

Our blood drive is happening on May 30th in the warehouse.

Grab your spot at grandparkway.org/slash events.

Family worship is next Sunday in all services with adult and student Bible studies taking a break.

Childcare for ages five and under is available.

Be sure to check our website at grandparkway.org for updates on events and to learn about ministry opportunities in your church.

If you're new or would like someone to pray with you, find one of our pastors at the front of the stage at the conclusion of our service.

All right, would you guys all stand with me?

And if this is where you're at, just just if that's where you're at, here's my heart, Lord.

Speak what's true.

If that if that's what you want during this series, then I'd encourage you to put your hands out as well.

And let's just pray.

Lord Jesus, we want you to come and speak to us.

Lord, we want to have the kind of marriages that this culture looks at and they say there's something different.

What is going on with your marriage?

And we want to be able to explain to them it's because of Jesus.

It's because of what you have done in our lives.

So, Lord, would you come and would you do that?

Would you help us to love one another well?

Would you help us to have better relationships with our friends, Lord?

Whatever it is you were speaking to us this morning, Lord, I pray that you'd help us to go out this week and empower us by your Holy Spirit to live it out.

In your name I pray.

Amen.

Thanks for coming this morning, everybody.

It was good to have you.