Gentleness (Fruit of the Spirit Part 8)

In 1839, George Washington Bethune, he was a Dutch Reformed

pastor. He made this statement.

He said perhaps no grace is less prayed for or less cultivated

than gentleness. I think I would agree with him.

You might hear someone say I need to be more loving or, or,

oh, I need to be patient or I need more peace in my life.

But you're very unlikely to hear someone say I need to be more

gentle, right? Have you ever heard somebody say

that? Probably not.

Perhaps you have. But many Christians lack the

gentleness that we desperately need.

And in our Christian witness, often a curt or sharp response

is simply talked up to. Oh, that's just personality.

That's just how he is. It's no big deal.

Sharp response may just seem normal, but it's not God's

desire. When we look at God's character,

generally speaking we can place his attributes into one of two

categories. That is the masculine or the

feminine, the fatherly aspects as well as the motherly aspects.

Scripture offers us a multi faceted view of Yahweh's

character. At times His masculine

characteristics of strength and power are on display and at

other times God's more feminine characteristics, His motherly

traits like love, patience, mercy, and gentleness are in

view. Now please hear what I am not

saying. I am not saying that God is a

woman or that God is our mother. How did our Lord teach us to

pray? Jesus taught us to pray our

Father. I think if Jesus addressed God

as Father, I believe that's how we should address God as well.

God is perfect and he embodies all that is necessary to being

God. And I think that is also model

for for why we need husbands and wives because because we

complement each other, we both bring different things to the

table, fathers and mothers. So we see this dual nature play

out in Isaiah 40 verse 10. Behold, the Lord God comes with

Isaiah 40:10

might and his arm rules for him. Behold, his reward is with him

and his recompense before him, his might, his his arm ruling,

having the power to pay, pay back.

All this speaks to God's strength, his his masculine

fatherly character traits. But then Isaiah quickly shifts

gears in verse 11. He will tend his flock like a

shepherd. He will gather the lambs in his

arms. He will carry them in his bosom

and gently lead those that are with you.

A shepherd has high concern for every last one of his sheep, and

especially the most vulnerable among them.

The lambs who are particularly needy, he carries them close to

his chest and gently leads them. And to think of our great and

mighty God working in such a gentle way is a wonderful and

compelling picture. Almighty God stooping down into

our little lives and gently tending to our needs.

Both the Old and New Testament sometimes picture God as a as a

mother hen. Mother hen gathers her chicks

and takes care of them. She shelters them under her

wing. Psalm 91 four reads.

He will cover you with His opinions.

That is the outer parts of the wings, and under His wings you

will find refuge. His faithfulness is a shield and

buckler. God is His people's protection

and He shelters them. He parries the blows of the

enemy. When the enemy comes in to

attack us next, we can look at God's gentleness as it is

displayed in Jesus. Matthew 1129 I predict I'm

probably going to go through another whole water bottle this

morning. I don't normally go through a

whole bottle, but last couple weeks I have and this morning I

had throat coats. I do not do hot drinks.

I did not like it. It just made me really hot.

So now I'm like trying to cool down, but I don't feel as bad as

I sound. Just so you know.

I know I sound horrible. I was talking to someone the

other day. They said, oh, I had this cough

that lingered for three weeks. I'm just like, oh, I don't want

another week of this, but perhaps next week I'll have my

voice back. We'll see.

Matthew 1129 Jesus says take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

for I am gentle and lowly in hearts and you will find rest

for your souls. Jesus told his followers that he

was gentle and lowly. The word used here is is prowess

and it and it's basic meaning is meek or or humble.

And we can contrast this with what the writer Hebrews 1/3 the

writer there says Jesus upholds the universe by the word of his

power. So Jesus as God embodies both

the masculine and the feminine, the fatherly and the motherly

traits of God. He says come to me, learn from

me. I am gentle and I am humble.

Matthew also quotes Zechariah 9. Matthew 21 says, say to the

daughter of Zion, behold, your king is coming to you humble and

mounted on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.

Matthew and Zechariah are describing the coming king.

The coming king is humble. I don't know if you realize this

is or not, but this is nonsense. Kings don't describe themselves

as humble. You may recall that when I

candidated back in February, I mentioned that the Romans

considered humility a vice and not a virtue.

Humility carried a negative connotation, and it was

associated with low social standing, even shame.

This was the culture of Jesus day.

No king worth his salt would have called himself humble.

But that's how the Hebrew Scriptures describe Jesus, and

that's how Matthew describes him here in Matthew 21.

So looking at these verses moves us closer to a definition of

gentleness. But we're not quite there yet.

Before we define gentleness, I first need to dispel some myths

about gentleness. First of all, gentleness is not

weakness. There's there's a natural

tendency for people to believe that gentleness and and meekness

are weak, but that is simply not the case, as you'll see when we

get to the actual definition. So gentleness is not weakness.

Also, gentleness is not passive aggression.

Gentleness is not passive aggression.

Being passively aggressive is a way to get back at someone for

something without actually being aggressive.

It's manipulative, and when we engage these negative behavior

patterns, we do so in order to get our way and avoid

communication with the person that we're at odds with.

There's nothing gentle about passive aggression.

It's just another way to exacerbate conflict and act in a

petty, childish manner. And it occurs to me that even

the the vague Facebook complaint or post can be passive

aggressive. So I would caution us to be

careful in that manner also. Also, gentleness is not, this is

a strong word, codependency. Codependency is an over

dependence on others. But in a sense where the

codependent focuses on helping other people, navigates the

problems of life or they think they're helping the codependent

loves even needs to be needed and they're quick to rush in and

to save the day. And it's difficult for the

codependent to give up this role.

It's it is after all what they live for being needed and and

they are as resistant to giving up this role as the addict is to

staying clean. These are people pleasers who

struggle to say no and often play the role of a martyr.

As it relates to gentleness, there are a couple to

codependent traits for us to consider.

The codependence can be a pushover.

The codependent is a pushover, always rescuing others, even

when it involves bailing in them out of the consequences for

their poor choices. The codependence heart is huge,

so they'll always rush in to rescue, but as they do, they

minimize the problem and the consequences.

Gentleness is not being a pushover.

The codependence is also a dishonest peacekeeper.

I know this is strong, but let me explain.

The codependent avoids honesty and truth telling for the sake

of keeping the peace. We have to avoid conflict at all

costs, so the codependent does whatever they think that you

want them to do so that they can maintain the status quo and and

not rock the boats. The top priority in life is all

about pleading, pleasing others. So they seek to avoid conflict

and in that they often are dishonest and are not honest

about the truth. Honesty in our conversations is

an important part of gentleness. So Aristotle defined the word

proud taste. The word translated gentleness.

As he said, it's the mean between excessive proneness to

anger and incapacity for anger. Thanks, Aristotle.

I'm not sure that you've really defined anything.

Excessive proneness to anger, somewhere between excessive

proneness and incapacity. There's a lot of ground between

these two opposite poles and and it's not good to be at either

end. Obviously, we don't want to be

excessively prone to anger, but neither do we want to have an

inability to become angry, as this can cause us to not see

right from wrong or to or it can cause us to just sit idly by

when injustice has been committed.

Now, it's regrettable that the word gentleness today has come

to have a connotation of weakness, A wimpy lack of

strength. However, as an expression of the

fruit of the spirit, first of all, gentleness is strength

under control. If you go to figure out online,

you Google what is gentleness, you will come back with strength

under control. This is how every pastor defines

gentleness. So this serves as our basic

definition. Sure, gentleness can can heal,

uplift, inspire, and it involves choosing compassion, patience

and love over anger, judgement and coercion.

But gentleness is not, in a strict sense, soft.

It is having the strength to control your emotions and

actions, especially when when you find yourself in challenging

circumstances. Someone who's gentle won't

attempt to push others around or arrogantly impose his will on

subordinates or peers. However, it's also important to

realize gentleness isn't compat. It isn't incompatible with

decisive action and firm convictions.

Consider the fact that that Jesus, who is our premier

example of gentleness. Jesus could be gentle and

forgiving with repentant sinners, yet he also cleanse the

temple because of the abuses of God's house.

The word gentleness denotes a submissive and teachable spirit

toward God that manifests itself in genuine humility and

consideration of others. Now, this strength under control

isn't something we we simply manifest on our own.

It's not forced. You can't force.

Its gentleness and meekness only come about by the power of the

Spirit working in US. And gentleness is a sign of the

Spirit's transformative power. It's a sign of the Spirit's

transformative power. Let's talk about the Apostle

Paul for a moment. Before Christ, he was a horrible

man. He hated Christians, and he

devoted his life to persecuting followers of the way.

In Acts 7, Stephen gives a powerful gospel message, and he

highlights some of Israel's past from from Abraham all the way up

through Solomon. And the Jews who heard Stephen's

message were enraged at him. Then Acts 758 says they cast him

out of the city and they stoned him.

And the witnesses laid down their garments at the feet of a

young man named Saul. This young man, Saul, he seemed

to kind of be overseeing the operation, if you will, giving,

giving his approval of the stoning by by guarding the

clothes of those who were engaged in stoning.

This follower of Jesus, Stephen. Now, most of you know that Saul

is Paul, but I want to correct something here.

If you've been around church long, you've likely heard that

Saul's name was changed to Paul when he met Christ, right?

We've heard this. However, we don't ever see

Saul's name changed in Scripture and there are several instances

where after his conversion experience on the road to

Damascus, he was referred to as Saul.

First of all, Jesus referred to to him as Saul at the moment of

his conversion, Later a disciple named Ananias.

This is not the Ananias of Ananias and Sapphira fame.

This is a different Ananias. A good 1A disciple named Ananias

was told to find Saul and Damascus and and to restore

Saul's sights. Acts 922 reads.

But Saul increased all the more in strength and confounded the

Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the

Christ. Who did this?

It says it was Saul who was proving that Jesus was the

Christ for some time after his conversion.

Saul used his Hebrew name, however when he became the

apostle to the Gentiles as it says in Romans 11, he started

going by his his Roman name which was Paul.

Remember his goal was to be all things to all people.

So using his Roman name instead of his Hebrew name only made

sense when he was trying to reach Gentiles.

So the apostle Paul was was no weakling.

He had convictions and he very well could have hounded

believers into obedience as he had in his former life.

But now, after Christ, gentleness flowed from his

experience of God's grace. He exercised his strength in

order to serve others and draw them to God through obedience.

In spite of his his strength and strong personality, he was a

very strong, driven, driven person.

He was able to say in First Thessalonians 27 as he writes to

them, but we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother

taking care of her own children. So.

Before his conversion, Paul goes from breathing threats and

murders against followers of the way to comparing himself to a

mother who shows gentle, tender care to her baby.

This was truly a sign of the spirits transformative working

in Paul. Then in Ephesians 4, he writes,

I therefore a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a

manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with

all humility and gentleness, patience, bearing with one

another in love. Walking in a manner worthy of

Our Calling means that as Christians our lives will

demonstrate humility and gentleness.

It's only fitting for us to walk in this manner and show

deference and patience and love to others.

So another way that's the strength under control is

demonstrated is in kindness. We show this in kindness.

Proverbs 1821 tells us death and life are in the power of the

tongue. We can tear people down, or we

can build them up with our mouths.

First Peter 315 reads In your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as

holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who

asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it

with gentleness and respect. Have you ever had a conversation

with someone who's contrary to the Christian faith?

When we get in discussions about the veracity of the Christian

faith, things can get heated. We're strongly convicted of the

truth of the gospel, and the other light other side is likely

convicted. That's the Bible and Christian

faith, or false, or that Jesus wasn't really as exclusive as we

claim he is. It can be easy for us if we're

not careful to become unglued and completely lose it and

things get a little heated, but that's not what God wants.

Peter told these Christians who were experiencing much

persecution for their faith. He said be ready to defend the

gospel, to offer an apologetic for the gospel and the hope that

is inside of us, but do it with gentleness and respect.

Don't lose your mind trying to defend the gospel.

Don't let the other person get better of you and cause you to

become angry, but utilize that strength under control and offer

your firm and convicted response and humility and gentleness.

The gospel is offensive, but we ourselves should not be

offensive when we offer a gospel apologetic with kindness.

We serve the gospel and our own personal witness well.

Let people be offended by the message of the truth and not by

your actions and demeanor. Our gentleness should also be

displayed as we are gracious in correction.

We want to be gracious in correction.

Have you ever been confronted by someone in a gracious manner?

I hope so. It's profound and can actually

lead to life change. The tone of the correction isn't

accusatory, but rather it's gracious, calling you to live

life in the right way in spite of your past failures.

When we confront with gentleness, there's a higher

likelihood of being heard and not being immediately dismissed

and talking about the character of the leaders of the church,

Paul told Timothy in Second Timothy 224 through 25.

And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome, that is the

leaders of the church pastors not to be quarrelsome, but kind

to everyone, able to teach patiently enduring evil,

correcting his opponents with gentleness.

God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a

knowledge of the truth. Gentle correction helps people

better see their ways and understand God's desires for

their life. Paul also gives us warning about

confronting others in Galatians 6.

He says brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression.

If if someone, one of one of your your peers is caught in a

sin, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit

of gentleness, keeping watch on yourself lest you also be

tempted. Gentleness and in correction

doesn't only help the other person to be able to hear what

we're saying, but gentleness in in correction also helps us as

we are maintaining humility. It helps us to keep watch over

our own selves so that we aren't tempted to fall into sin.

Also, as we confront someone else, so our actions in

restoring someone should be in humility and grace.

The last point I want to make about gentleness being strength

under control is that gentleness is a sign of wisdom.

It's a sign of wisdom. You know when you've met the

gentle person, their strength is under control and they tend to

have measured, wisdom filled responses, James 313 reads.

Who is wise in understanding among you by his good conduct.

Let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.

The person who has wisdom and understanding isn't just smart

and filled with information. This person doesn't simply

acquire truth. They apply truth and wisdom is

demonstrated in their gentle, humble spirits.

You won't see this person fly off the handle.

Wisdom has has shaped them and taught them that true wisdom

acts in humility and gentleness. So gentleness is strength under

control. It's a sign of the Spirit's

transformative power. It's kind, it's gracious and

correction. It's a sign of wisdom.

So how do we come by gentleness in our own lives?

The first thing we do is we seek God.

We seek God. And I know this sounds trite and

I say this every week, but it has to be said.

We're not going to manufacture gentleness on our own.

We're not going to coerce ourselves into gentleness.

It must be something that the Holy Spirit works in US.

And in order for that to happen, we need to spend time with God.

Zephaniah 2/3 Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, who do

His just commands. Seek righteousness, Seek

humility. Perhaps you may be hidden on the

day of the anger of the Lord. Seek Him.

I would also encourage you to pray for gentleness.

Pray that the Holy Spirit would grow this fruit inside of you.

When you know you're going to encounter a situation that'll

press the limits of your capacity to model gentleness,

then pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you up and empower you to

respond in the spirits and not in the flesh.

Another key to gentleness is mindfulness in our thoughts and

actions. This is mindfulness in our

thoughts and actions. I found that having a heightened

awareness of this need in my life and interactions has helped

me immensely. If you're blind to something,

then it increases the likelihood of you acting out that sin.

However, when I am mindful of this need, I approach

circumstances differently. A couple years ago I went

through a particularly difficult season of ministry.

Some of it self-inflicted, some of it not.

God had revealed some blind spots to me.

Generally speaking, you see, I am very in tune to what is

happening in the room when relationships aren't right or

someone is upset. I can tell, I can feel it.

I just know. However, I had been blind to

something I had done, and God wanted to round off this this

rough edge of my character. I'd hurt some people with whom

I'd I'd had the privilege of ministering for a number of

years. They were friends, even family

to us. Really.

They were very dear to us. But I'd hurt them and hadn't

realized it. In a meeting with them, they

told me how I'd hurt them with my words and how I'd been

dismissive of them. I had absolutely no idea that

this was happening and it and it hurt to know that I hurt others

and I wasn't aware of it. I apologized explicitly and I

asked for forgiveness, and the relationship has been even

better ever since then. But you see, there were other

people who are not aware of this conversation, but who also

wanted to talk with me because I'd hurt them as well.

Again, I had no idea. But you know what?

I was more prepared for these conversations because I was

mindful of the hurt that I'd caused that other couple.

So I approached these conversations, as difficult as

they were. I approached them with a

different posture to listen and to try to respond in humility

and to confess my sins and to make things right.

Being aware of a liability in our character is half the

battle. The rest of the battle is taking

action to overcome that deficiency of character.

Some questions to ask yourself, how can I demonstrate gentleness

in this situation? Is my response indicative of

humility and pride? Humility and pride?

Humility or pride? I should actually read what I

wrote. I wrote it correctly.

Am I showing humility or am I showing pride?

What does my response say about me and my attitude towards this

person when I'm mindful of my potential response and and I'm

prayed up that I'm more likely to respond in the spirit rather

than in the flesh? Something else that has that

also helped that initial conversation was the manner in

which that couple approached my offenses.

They didn't come to me angry or yelling at me in judgments.

Instead they came to me in kindness with a soft demeanor

speaking the truth and love as Paul says in Ephesians.

Proverbs 15 four says a gentle tongue is a tree of life, but

perverseness in it breaks the spirits.

A gentle tongue brings life while sharp words can completely

tear someone down. That couples approach of

gentleness allowed me to better hear what they had to say and

take it to heart. It's much easier to take

correction when you don't feel like you're being scolded.

You're not immediately placed in a position of defensiveness.

Another key to gentleness is practice humility.

Practice humility. Look for opportunities to

demonstrate humility, not in the sense of false virtue signaling,

but actual humility. Remember what Paul told the

Philippian church in Philippians 2 verses 3 and 4.

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility

count others more significance than yourselves.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to

the interests of others. Don't be selfish or conceited,

but consider others as actually more important than yourself.

This is one of the hardest things to do because if I'm

being honest, I think I'm pretty important.

But when I when I think of others more highly than myself

and I start to look out for their interests, starts to

transform what's inside of me. I'm not deceiving myself into

humility. No, I'm actually changing on the

inside. Practice humility and value

others above yourself. Even even when you don't agree

with them, value them. The last key to gentleness is be

patient and forgiving. Be patient and forgiving.

Gentleness requires us to be patient with others in their sin

and extend forgiveness when they've wronged us.

We do this because God has already forgiven us.

He has demonstrated His own mercy, kindness, and gentleness

to us and forgiven us for violating His ways.

So when we exercise patience and forgiveness, we are being like

God. I love the account and John

eight of the woman caught in adultery.

Jesus was at the temple and all these people had gathered to to

hear him teach. Suddenly he was interrupted by

the scribes and Pharisees declaring that they'd caught

this woman in the very act of adultery.

Now their goal was to catch Jesus in opposition to the law,

and they reminded him that the law says she needs to be stoned.

They hoped that he would just write her sin off and therefore

show himself to not care about the law so that they could have

something to charge him with. Jesus bends down.

He starts writing in the sand. I'd love to know what he was

writing. He starts writing in the sand.

They, they kept going on and on about the situation.

At some point he's done listening to them.

He he stops writing in the sand. He stands up to speak and he

says, you know what he says? Let him who is without sin among

you be the first to throw a stone at her.

He says. That drop the mic goes back to

writing in the sand. What do you do in this situation

if you have a rock in your hand? Jesus had, with a single

statement, put everyone in their place.

The oldest among them, the wise ones, realized.

Their own sinfulness and they walked away.

This happens over and over till every last accuser is gone.

Jesus turns to the woman and asks who was left to condemn

you? And she rightly responds, No one

Lord. Now the word forgiveness isn't

explicitly used here, but it is assumed when Jesus says to her,

neither do I condemn you go and from now on sin no more the

condemnation she deserved. Jesus could have condemned her

for her sin rights, but no, He forgives her, chooses to not

condemn her. That condemnation was eliminated

and she was called to repentance as Jesus offered her His grace

and forgiveness. As we close this morning,

consider this. When someone you know is

struggling or when you face conflict, what is your first

instinct? Is it to control or dominate, or

to have an outburst of anger? Or is it to offer gentleness?

Think of Jesus, who, when surrounded by chaos, offered a

gentleness that completely diffused the situation.

The same power is available to you and I.

My hope and prayer is that we not be known for our outbursts,

but rather for our understanding, our willingness

to yield into the good fruits of gentleness and mercy that spring

from hearts transformed by Christ.

As it says in Philippians 4. May our gentleness be evidence

to all. Let's bow our heads and close

our eyes. God, in these closing moments

this morning, I pray for your gentle spirit to fill this

place. Bring loving conviction where

that is needed, but also lift people to understand that they

can walk as you desire. So we pray, God, give me

gentleness, give me strength under control, give me humility

and meekness, the ability to control by the power of the Holy

Spirit working in me, the ability to control my emotions

and responses, especially in light of difficult

circumstances. Holy Spirit, would you form this

fruits of gentleness in US as we seek you, as we attempt to be

mindful of our thoughts and actions and and practice

humility and forgiveness. Work your way in our hearts and

lives. It's in Jesus name we pray these

things. Amen.