"Getting To the Heart of Our Tongue Problems (James 3:13-18)" by Neal Pollard

I'm probably not the only one that associates songs with childhood.

I don't know why, but that song almost gives me a little bit of PTSD because I remember

it mostly when we were going on vacation.

I don't know why it was always that.

I have a sister who's three and a half years older than me and a brother who is five years

younger than me.

My dad is the extrovert and was growing up, and my mom very much introverted and quiet,

and I remember when we got to fussing and fighting in the back seat of the station wagon,

she would start singing that song at us.

Angry words, love one another, and I understood when I became a parent how much that was necessary.

You think about some of the tongue problems that exist.

There are some literal physical tongue problems that people face, not to minimize this in

any way at all.

There's a condition known as geographic tongue where there are red splotches or patches that

appear on the tongue and move around, and thus the term geographic tongue.

There is macroglossia, a condition that describes an enlarged or an overgrown tongue that can

even affect one's speech.

And then there's even a condition called hairy tongue where the papillae on the taste buds

in the tongue proliferately grow so that it looks like there's hair on the tongue.

In a figurative sense, we talk about the tongue and we think about phrases that we use to

talk about difficulties that we have when speaking.

If we have difficulty having the words come out, somebody might say to us, does the cat

have your tongue?

Or if we can't get the words out, maybe we say that our tongue is tangled or it's tied

up.

Or if a word is very difficult to say, or if there's some kind of saying that we try

to get people to say like Peter Pepper, you know that one, we call that our tongue twisters.

There are tongue issues that we have physically, that we have mentally.

The Bible's concerned about those tongue issues that affect us spiritually.

When you think about what the Bible says about the tongue, there are people's words who either

come to mind through what they taught or what they wrote.

Jesus has so much to say about the tongue in teaching about the kingdom.

And of course, those who came after him would do the same.

In the Old Testament, we think about how much Solomon has to say, primarily in the book

of Proverbs, but also in his other writings about the tongue.

But in the shortest amount of time, who says more about the tongue than James?

He'll say something like, if any among you seems to be religious and bridles not his

tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

Later on, from where Brady was reading in James chapter 1 and verse 26.

James 1 · chapter mention

We go to James chapter 3 and verse 2, it says, in many things we all offend.

James 3 · chapter mention

If anyone does not offend in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole

body.

James chapter 3 and verse 2.

James 3 · chapter mention

And then he makes a comparison.

This small member in our body, it sets on fire the world of nature.

The tongue is a fire, James 3 verse 5 and verse 6.

James 3:5

It is also a deadly poison full of all kinds of evil, James chapter 3 and verse 8.

James 3 · chapter mention

God wants us to be forewarned about what our tongues are capable of and the dangers

that it can get us into.

And so you'll find him saying that in through the tongue we offend in so many ways, James

James 3 · chapter mention

chapter 3 and verse 2.

And the tongue no man can tame, James chapter 3 and verse 8.

James 3 · chapter mention

When we consider this fact, it is something that we have got to realize, and that is that

we're always going to have difficulties controlling our tongue.

We're never going to perfectly conquer the sins of the tongue.

But with God's help we are able to grow and we're able to develop and do better along

those lines.

There are a lot of different strategies, a lot of different things that we can do to

help us to achieve the control of our tongues that we want as children of God who are trying

to reflect His nature in all of our relationships.

And one of the things that James gives us by the inspiration of God to help us is the

quality of wisdom.

Do you see what we saw in the reading a moment ago in James chapter 1 and verse 5?

James 1 · chapter mention

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without

reproach and it shall be given unto him, James chapter 1 and verse 5.

James 1 · chapter mention

And then he says, who is wise in understanding among you?

Let him show by his behavior and his good deeds the gentleness of wisdom.

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant

and so lie against the truth.

For this is not that wisdom which comes from above, but is earthly, sensual, and demonic.

For where there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there is disorder in every evil work.

But the wisdom that comes from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, full of reason,

full of mercy and good works, unwavering and without hypocrisy, and the seed whose fruit

is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

That's James chapter 3, verse 13 through 18.

James 3:13–18

I was telling Kathy on the way here, I have preached, I think, from every paragraph in

the book of James in my preaching life.

I don't know how I have missed James chapter 3, verse 13 through 18.

James 3:13–18

As far as I know, never preached on it before tonight.

And perhaps it's because I have not realized that James is not changing the subject in

James 3, 13 through 18.

If James chapter 3, verse 1 through 12, is warning us about the dangers of the tongue,

James 3:1–12

the problems that our tongues get us into, have we not seen or can we not see James 3,

13 through 18?

It's God's solution, it's His remedy.

If we incorporate these things into our hearts and our lives, we can get a better grasp on

what's so difficult for all of us to do, and that's to control our tongues.

James is called a practical book, and he gives us three practical ways to tame our

tongue.

That's all I want to do is to see those three things tonight.

First of all, if we're going to tame our tongues, we must be meek.

In James chapter 3, verse 13, who is righteous and wise among you?

James 3:13

Let him show by his behavior and his deeds the gentleness of wisdom.

Now you'll notice that James highlights behavior and conduct, but we have to say when we look

at all that makes up our conduct and our deeds, our speech is a part of that.

People who know and think of us in certain ways think about our words as a function of

our overall behavior.

So it's helpful for us to then step back and ask, what does James mean by gentleness or

meekness?

And depending on the version that you have, you may have humility, you may have gentleness

and meekness.

It is this idea of our outward behavior showing this inter-strength of heart and mind.

It does show up in deeds, but it's an attitude of spirit.

It's a condition of the heart and the mind.

The thing that strikes me about gentleness is that when all that Jesus could say about

himself and his heart, when he begins to describe it, he chooses to say, I am gentle in heart.

You know, Ortland says with regard to this that Jesus was never trigger happy.

He was the most under control of all the people in the universe.

His natural posture was not the pointing finger, but the open arms.

And I think if the only perfect person in the world to ever live was characterized in

this way, that he had this gentleness, that he had this humility, this softness about

him that gave people the benefit of the doubt, if I'm going to be like him, then I'm going

to strive to have that quality in my life.

And if I'm meek, how will it affect my speech?

Well, if I think about that in practical terms, the New Testament tells me.

When it comes to my speech and being gentle, if I'm going to incorporate that heavenly

portion into my life, then it's going to affect the way that I deal with my enemies.

Jesus in Matthew chapter 5 and verse 45 says that we are to love our enemies and to pray

Matthew 5 · chapter mention

for those who despitefully use us.

That being the case, if I put it in my heart to pray about and to think the best of those

who have made themselves my enemies, isn't it going to impact my heart?

And if it impacts my heart, it's going to show up in the words that I say to and about

my enemies.

So Paul's going to come along later on and he's going to say,

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place to wrath.

Because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me, says the Lord, I will repay.

Therefore, if your enemy hungers, give him food.

If he's thirsty, give him drink.

For in so doing, you will heap coals of fire upon his head.

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

In Romans 12, 19 through 21, Jesus would say through Peter,

Look at me on the cross and see how I demonstrate meekness toward those who made me the ultimate enemy.

Jesus on the cross, out of a meekness of heart, could say,

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

But Peter's going to express it this way.

He'd say, For even here unto where you called, that like as Christ suffered for us,

leaving us an example that we should follow in his steps, who did no sin,

neither was there any deceit found in his mouth,

who when he was reviled, or that is, when people said threatening things, he reviled not,

who when he suffered, he did not threaten, but he kept on committing himself to him who judges righteously.

Peter says, Look at this, when your enemies mistreat you,

bring meekness into your heart, and it's going to come out in non-threatening speech.

It's going to come out in saying those things that bless and don't curse our enemies.

Would it also change the way that we deal with the lost?

It can be difficult when trying to share the good news of God on any particular subject,

and we meet somebody who has been carried away by a doctrine that perhaps most of the religious world believes.

And they don't just roll over, they don't just take our word for it,

and it can try our patience, and maybe we can be tempted to be harsh in response.

But notice that Paul anticipates that we might struggle with this,

and so he says that the servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome, but be able to teach,

patient when wrong, in gentleness, correcting those who are in opposition,

who have been ensnared by the devil, taken captive by him in order to do his will.

What's Paul saying? He's saying incorporate gentleness,

and in the teaching that you do, in the words that you say,

they'll be meek and reflect this quality that helps to tame the tongue.

1 Peter 3.15 says that we are to be ready to give an answer

to everyone that asks us a reason for the hope that's in us with meekness and respect.

And so the Bible is telling us everywhere that this is how we tame our tongue,

bring meekness into the enemy relationship, into the relationship with the lost.

And how about when it comes to the conflicts that we have with one another?

How about when we find ourselves as the one who's innocent in a disagreement with someone?

Maybe someone else is at fault. Maybe someone is at fault spiritually.

How do we handle that?

Paul says, brethren, even if any one of you is overtaken in a trespass,

you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness.

Galatians chapter 6 and verse 1.

Galatians 6 · chapter mention

How about when we have two different ways to approach something that's a matter of judgment?

It's just a difference of style or the way that we would approach the same thing.

It's not doctrine. It's not truth.

And yet we get crossways with one another.

Paul says, with all lowliness and meekness,

with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love. Ephesians 4 and verse 2.

It says, if God anticipates every relationship where we might be speaking to one another.

And he says, let me give you this quality that will help you to tame your tongue.

And that's meekness. And let's get a little closer to home.

Would it change the way that we talk to one another in our family relationships?

We're to show every courtesy. Titus 3 and verse 2 says, to all people.

But that includes your spouse. It includes your children.

It includes your parents. And in fact,

I would say that we need to spend some time really meditating on passages like this

because the places where we spend more time with people

are the places where we're more likely to sin with our tongue.

And so we've got to incorporate meekness in all of these different relationships in life.

James is saying, in many things we offend all.

How do we overcome the sins of the tongue?

In the same context, he says, show it in the meekness of wisdom. Be meek.

Then he gives us a second answer. If we're going to tame our tongues, we need to watch our motives.

In verse 14 through 16, he reminds us that all of us are motivated by something.

And those motives may or may not be pure and right.

And so as he speaks about what moves us, what drives us,

he talks about a couple of qualities that are actually lusts of the flesh.

In Galatians chapter 5 in verse 20, and they show up in our speech.

Galatians 5 · chapter mention

Here they are. The first one is bitter jealousy.

That's putting my desires above others.

I found it very interesting. And no offense,

I know there are going to be some people who vehemently disagree with me on this matter of judgment.

But did you know the word bitter is from the Greek word pikros?

I don't know what that sounds like to you. That sounds like pickles to me.

Pickles, by the way, that word means excessively bitter and

accurate to the point of almost being poisonous.

And that describes what a dill pickle tastes like to me.

My wife loves it. A lot of other folks do. I know you do.

But I think about how folks seem to be figuratively sucking on a pickle

and get hostile and angry.

And so it's a vivid word to me. He says bitter jealousy.

Jealousy is looking at someone else's relationship or someone else's possessions

or anything that belongs to someone else

and wanting to have what they have or to have more than they have.

And being so filled with upsetness or hostility about that,

that one is willing to say or do anything about the object of our jealousy

in order to level the playing fields or to make them look in the worst light.

He says this is what drives our actions. It can drive our motives.

And so we've got to be careful to make sure that bitter jealousy doesn't describe

putting my desires above others.

And then he mentioned selfish ambition.

This is putting my interests above others.

This is the mindset that says it is my way or no way.

By the way, this word for selfish ambition is one word

and it was originally used to describe a day laborer and his wage.

The mentality, the mindset of one who was just hired for the day.

They don't care anything about the owner. They don't care anything about the company.

They have just come. They're going to do what's required of them

in order to get their pay, nothing more, nothing else.

Just what it takes for them to get what they feel like they deserve.

And so James uses these two words.

And he applies it to how we contain our tongues.

He says be aware that these two things come up in our lives.

And he says what happens when there's bitter jealousy

when I want what you have and I'm willing to do anything

in order to either get it or make sure you don't have it.

Or I'm driven by selfish ambition to want my way above your way

and my goals above your goals.

He says it leads to two very common things that are sins of the tongue.

He says it leads to arrogance or boasting and lying.

I can twist and distort words in order to make others look worse or myself look better.

Those things come out in our speech. Lying is a sin of the tongue.

Then there's also boasting.

And this can be one of those things that Christians deal with.

We alluded to it this morning.

When one is practicing their righteousness to be seen of men, Matthew 6 and verse 2.

Or is parading their good works to be noticed by others, Matthew 6 and verse 5.

Or it's highlighting our sacrifices to get the notice of other individuals, Matthew 6 and verse 16.

But here's the thing that's difficult.

It's hard for us to know when we are striking up the band and blowing a trumpet to play our own tune.

It's hard for us to realize that we're the Grand Marshal who is leading a parade of our good deeds.

And so James says, what you've got to always do is check your motives.

Why are you doing what you're doing?

Because where bitter jealousy and selfish ambition exist,

there is arrogance and there's lying against the truth.

But he also says, there is disorder in every evil thing.

When you consider the sins of the tongue and the diversity of them,

whether it's slander or losing our cool and sinning in our speech,

we find ourselves leading to all kinds of verbal offenses if we don't check our motivation.

If we watch that jealousy and selfish ambition, it prevents what James says can happen otherwise.

It calls for us to examine ourselves constantly to make sure that we're watching,

why do we say what we say? Why do we do what we do?

Do you want to tame your tongue?

James is just giving us the remedy to help us to avoid all the stuff that he warns about in James 3, 1 through 12.

And he gives us another, and perhaps this is the best.

He says, if you want to tame your tongue, reflect heavenly wisdom.

One thing that's remarkable about Scripture is that God doesn't just highlight the problems,

the sins, the difficulties, the things that get us in trouble.

But God loves us so much that he comes along and he tries to help us to see what we put in its place.

Remember when Jesus teaches a parable about the man with the unclean spirit and he cleans out his heart,

and yet he doesn't replace it, and thus along come several more, seven,

who come who are worse than the first,

and he finds himself in a position that was far worse than it was before.

What James is doing, moved by the Holy Spirit, is saying,

once you clean out this boastfulness, this lack of meekness,

and once you are looking at your motivation and making sure that it's pure,

then add these heavenly qualities.

There are two kinds of wisdom.

There's heavenly and there's earthly.

He's described for us, in fact he doesn't spend much time in verse 15 talking about what the earthly wisdom is.

It is earthly, it's sensual, it's demonic, it's all we need to know.

But heavenly wisdom, look at how he describes it very quickly.

First of all, it's pure.

That is, it is the honey without the wax.

It is without defilement.

It's without stain.

A lot of different ways that it's used in the New Testament, but look at how James uses it.

In James 1, verse 27, he says that incorporating heavenly wisdom leads to pure religion, James 1, 27.

James 1:27

It leads to purity in your speech.

James 3 and verse 6.

And then in James chapter 4 and verse 8, he says, draw near unto God,

James 4 · chapter mention

and He will draw near unto you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners. Purify your hearts, you double-minded.

And so this heavenly wisdom is pure.

It's without fault.

But then it's peaceable.

It brings people together. It builds relationships.

It is looking for ways to tear down walls.

It's not trying to erect barriers that keep people apart.

That's why it's heavenly wisdom.

Then it's gentle.

The opposite of the idea of harsh.

It's the idea of being that which demonstrates patience.

It's that which cares about how what is said and done is perceived and received.

And then it's also open to reason.

It's reasonable with regard to its expectations of others.

It can be reasoned with that heavenly wisdom.

We also see that it's full of mercy and full of good fruits.

That is, you can look at the characteristics of it as you interact with somebody

who is striving to have this piece of heavenly wisdom.

And they're going to be gentle and kind with you.

They're going to show by the deeds that they do

that they have heaven on their heart and in their life. It's impartial.

It doesn't treat the offenses of one party with greater severity or lesser severity

depending on how important we think that other person is

or if we think that they can do something for us.

It's the same for everybody.

It's also sincere. It's without hypocrisy.

It doesn't say one thing and do another.

It is consistent and trustworthy.

So as I think about this, this is those pieces of heavenly wisdom

that James is showing us in James 3 and verse 17.

How can I know if I have incorporated that into my speech?

Well, all we've got to do is turn that around and ask some questions.

Is my speech pure?

You know, we speak so much and we develop a reputation for the kind of words that we use.

Maybe even how we say those words.

But as people think about our speech, do they think of us using pure words?

Are there vulgar and suggestive words that come off of our lips?

Are they words that lead people to think things that aren't going to bring them closer to God?

And so, if I'm going to incorporate heaven's wisdom, then it's going to be seen in my speech.

Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5 and verse 8 says,

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Do people see God when they hear me speak?

Or does my speech eclipse Him?

Is my speech peaceable?

When I think about the speech that I give, does it stir the pot?

Does it cause division?

Or does it bring people together?

Is my speech gentle?

When we think about the world, it's a harsh place so often.

And the words that are used reflect that.

Words of slander, words of criticism that are hypercriticism.

All the different ways in which speech can be harsh.

But what about my speech?

Ecclesiastes 10 and verse 12 says that,

The lips of the wise man are gracious, but a fool's lips consume him.

In Colossians chapter 4 and verse 6,

Colossians 4 · chapter mention

Let your speech be always with grace, as though seasoned with salt,

so that you may know how you ought to answer every man.

Is my speech open to reason?

Do people feel like when they talk to me that they can have a good conversation?

Or is it like speaking to a brick wall for them?

How about merciful and full of good fruits?

Especially if they've done something that is wrong and that they've wronged me.

If they have hurt me or offended me in some way,

what would they expect from me in return?

Would they expect me to be merciful with them?

Or have they had an experience of my tongue lashings in the past

and they'll do what they can to avoid having to have any kind of interaction with me?

Is my speech impartial?

Do I levy the same penalties for everyone regardless of who they are?

Do I treat everybody with the same magnanimity that I do others?

Graciousness and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

And are my words sincere?

Am I passive aggressive?

Do my words mean what they say?

How do I know?

Well, James tells me there's heavenly wisdom and there's earthly wisdom.

And if I'm incorporating heavenly wisdom, it's not going to stay in my heart.

It's going to show up in my speech.

I understand that 40 billion dollars worth of damage is done

each and every year just through flash floods all around the world.

When you think about the untold damage that is done with water,

whether it be tsunamis or tidal waves or through flooded rivers,

the damage is excessive not just in cost of life but in cost of property.

If we ever forget how powerful the water is,

all we've got to do is go to the ocean and try to sweep against the waves that are crashing in.

And the thing about water is it's necessary for life.

It's vital. It's essential. We need it.

And it does so much good.

And it can also be destructive.

And James says that's also our speech.

With our speech, think of what we've done just in the last 40 minutes.

We have sung praise to God.

We have prayed. We have approached the Father's throne.

We have read Scripture. We have preached the Word.

And with these words, we're trying to bless God.

And the words that we'll say to one another by and large in the assemblies

and after the services are up-building words.

But with the same tongue, we curse men who are made in the image of God.

James says these things ought not to be so.

From what I understand, the average human being speaks between 18,000 and 25,000 words every day.

With 8 billion people on the planet,

that approaches 150 trillion words that are spoken across the planet on a given day.

And God hears every one of them.

But I take that down to me. God hears every one of my words.

Do you remember how we started?

James 3, verse 2,

James 3:2

And many things we all offend.

Remember James 3, verse 8?

James 3:8

The tongue no man can tame.

I hope that no one thinks that the one who's delivering this lesson

is speaking as one who has conquered it because James says we never fully will.

There are so many potential spiritual landmines and we're going to step on them.

But as we do what James 3, 13 through 18 says,

and nobody wants us to have the right kind of speech to tame the tongue more than God does.

And so God says you want to grow, you want to improve, you want to be better

in the speech department as a child of God, a better ambassador through that

now than you were then, and then as you are now,

then you've got to be meek. Be humble.

Have a Christ-like heart that's open.

Open to criticism, open to understanding the failures of others and responding appropriately.

Watching your motives.

Why are you thinking what you're thinking? Why are you saying what you're saying?

Why are you doing what you're doing?

And reflect heaven's wisdom.

Because God gives us these seven qualities that we can bring into our lives.

And the more we incorporate them into our behavior, the more they will show up in our speech.

I say this because I have no idea how many times we're going to sin with our tongue this week.

I'd like to think it's zero for all of us.

Hopefully we'll get out of the parking lot before we do that.

But it's going to be a part of our lives.

God wants us to win.

He wants us to overcome that struggle.

Because it can come to the point that it is a spiritual battle that we're losing.

And we need his help.

But you know God gives us resources. In the book of James, in James chapter 5,

James 5 · chapter mention

we have one another to appeal to one another, to confess our faults one to another,

and pray one for another that we may be healed.

Maybe you need that from your brothers and sisters in Christ tonight.

James chapter 5 and verse 16.

James 5 · chapter mention

The need to be restored. James chapter 5 verse 19 and 20.

James 5:19

The invitation Psalm that Cason is going to lead us in is an opportunity

to respond in a way publicly if we need to.

We're affording that opportunity to you.

Or if you've not yet obeyed the gospel and you need to put on Christ in baptism

to have your sins washed away.

And you want to do that now, we'll give you that opportunity.

If you want to do that at any time, we'd love to sit down maybe to study with you

or to help you to obey the gospel.

If you need to respond to heaven's invitation,

we'd encourage you to come right now as we stand and sing.