Finding a Virtuous Woman AUGUST 23, 2026 Pastor Steven L. Anderson

Man, the title of my sermon this morning

is Finding a Virtuous Woman.

Finding a Virtuous Woman, of course,

this rhetorical question is asked in verse number 10.

Who can find a virtuous woman

for her price is far above rubies?

Meaning that a virtuous woman is difficult to find.

It's like, man, who can find one?

And so if you find one, it's a rare treasure

worth more than rubies, okay?

Now, the first thing I wanna start out

showing you here in verse number one

is that this advice is being given

from a mother to her son.

It says in verse number one,

the words of King Lemuel,

the prophecy that his mother taught him.

Now, most of the book of Proverbs

is a father giving advice to his son.

Obviously, if we read the Bible cover to cover,

there's an emphasis on the male perspective, of course.

And so a lot of times we have to kind of, you know,

apply things the other way.

But in general, the Bible is being written

from and to a male perspective.

But in the book of Proverbs,

even though the vast majority of the book

is a father talking to his son, you know,

the Bible does include here some advice from the mother.

But keep your finger here and go to chapter one,

because all throughout the entire book of Proverbs though,

there's a constant admonition to listen to your mother,

not to just listen to your dad,

not to just listen to your father's teachings,

but to listen to your mother.

And what does the Bible say?

Honor your father and mother.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

So we don't wanna downplay mom as an authority figure,

just like dad is an authority figure

for children that are growing up.

Because look at chapter one, verse eight.

It says, my son, hear the instruction of thy father

and forsake not the law of thy mother.

And this is right at the very beginning of Proverbs,

kind of giving you the introductory statements

to help you understand, look, yes, listen to your father,

but listen to your mother as well.

You need to listen to both parents, okay?

And so then in chapter 31, if you turn back there,

we actually have a special chapter here

that is a mother teaching her son.

And so here's the thing,

obviously a mother is gonna teach her son things

that are more pretending to domestic life

because that's what is more of interest to her.

If you think about a lot of the book of Proverbs

is talking about how you're gonna do business,

how you're gonna live your life and work your job

and not be lazy, et cetera, et cetera.

And yeah, there are a lot of warnings

to stay away from the strange woman.

But of course, mom's advice

is really gonna home in on domestic matters.

And so the big thing for her

is finding the right wife, right?

And this is something that we all worry about

for our children is that we want them

to marry a godly person.

We want them to marry well.

Because let's face it,

marriage is probably the number one

most important decision that you make in your life

other than getting saved, right?

Getting saved is the most important.

I mean, getting married is probably the second most important

as far as just the permanence of it

and just how much of a dramatic impact

it's gonna have on your life.

So this is a situation

where you don't wanna screw up this decision, right?

And so it's important that you as a young man

marry a virtuous woman.

You wanna try to find that virtuous woman

because it's gonna have a huge impact on your life.

So this is the prophecy that his mother taught him.

Now, before we get into the virtuous woman

part of the story,

let's just get some of this little preamble here.

It says in verse two,

what my son and what the son of my womb

and what the son of my vows

give not thy strength unto women

nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.

It is not for kings, O Lemuel.

It is not for kings to drink wine

nor for princes, strong drink.

And so the first thing that she says

are gonna be just the big pitfalls for a young man,

a young Christian man,

a young man who wants to live for God.

It's gonna be women and alcohol, right?

These are gonna be the two big temptations

for the young teenage boy or young adult man,

women and alcohol.

And here's what's funny.

Some people will literally go to an establishment

that is selling alcohol

in order to try to find their future life's mate.

Hey, let's go meet our wife at a bar.

Let's go meet at the club.

I mean, it's so stupid

because the Bible's telling you right now,

avoid alcohol and avoid the strange woman

because guess what?

They're probably both gonna be at the same place.

I mean, do you really think

that godly young ladies are hanging out at a bar?

Is that really the place to go find

a virtuous, hardworking, godly Christian woman?

Absolutely not.

And so you need to stay away from those establishments

if you're a young lady, if you're a young man,

stay out of the bars, the clubs, the casinos,

the nightclubs.

Those are ungodly wicked places.

And what are you gonna do there?

You're just gonna run into other ungodly wicked people

and then your problems are just gonna be multiplied

and compounded.

Don't go to those places.

She says, give not thy strength unto women,

nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.

You see, it doesn't make you a big, strong,

powerful, mighty man to go out and be a womanizer.

That is draining you of your strength.

You are losing spiritual strength.

You are losing your physical strength, by the way,

because guess what?

Despite what the advertising tells you,

beer is not some kind of a protein shake

that's gonna turn you into a muscle man

and get you ripped like a prize fighter.

It's gonna make you look like a man

who's pregnant is what it's gonna do,

because it's literally called a beer belly

when men look pregnant.

I remember my dad saying to a man

who drank a lot of beer and had a beer belly,

he said, hey, when's the baby due?

Probably wasn't a very nice thing for him to say,

but hey, that's what he said.

When's the baby due?

But if it's funny, you don't see that on the commercial.

On the commercial, it's the six-pack abs, okay?

Well, you know what?

Giving your strength to booze,

giving your strength to women,

this is what the fool does, okay?

She says, it's not for kings olemuel,

it's not for kings to drink wine

nor for princes strong drink.

Now here's the thing, the Bible tells us

that as Christians, God has made us kings and priests

unto God and his father.

We are a royal priesthood and we are a nation of kings

and so God looks at us spiritually

as having the importance of kings

and then the Bible says not for kings to drink wine

nor for princes strong drink,

lest they drink and forget the law

and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.

She's saying, look, as a king, you're passing judgment.

A king is a ruler, right?

And so the reason that he should not be one

that's given to wine is because then

he's gonna be having clouded judgment

when he's deciding right and wrong

and people are gonna come to him and they need help

and he doesn't know what's right,

he doesn't know what the right advice is

because his mind is addled with booze, okay?

So the Bible says here, he'll drink,

he'll forget the law

and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.

So the one who's afflicted comes to him and says,

hey man, I need help, help me out.

He's like, oh, I don't know, man.

Because they're drunk or they've just killed

too many brain cells with drugs and alcohol.

It says in verse six, give strong drink unto him

that's ready to perish and wine unto those

that be of heavy hearts, let him drink and forget his poverty

and remember his misery no more.

Here's another way of saying that in the modern vernacular.

Hey, drinking's for losers, losers, failures,

people that are about to crash and burn,

people that are about to just destroy

and ruin their lives.

Yeah, just let them drink and forget their poverty

and remember their misery no more.

And I've actually heard Christians

take this scripture and say, hey, look,

the Bible's telling me it's okay to drink when I'm sad.

You're missing the whole point, folks.

This is sarcastic.

This is sarcasm.

This is like, like if I literally said,

hey, drinking's for losers,

and you're like, hey, I know a guy who's a loser,

I'm gonna go buy him alcohol.

Like that's the level of stupidity

it would be to interpret the scripture that way.

Ah, drinking's for fools.

Oh, this guy's a fool, let's give him more alcohol.

Like that, no, it's called rhetoric.

It's called sarcasm.

It's like, yeah, give it to that guy,

give it to that bum and the gutter.

It's not saying literally give him alcohol.

It's saying like, yeah, that's who it's for.

Failures, losers, and she's saying, son,

that's not what you are.

You're a king, you're important, you matter.

And you know what, last time I checked,

I'm not ready to perish.

You're not ready to perish

because the Bible says whosoever believed in him

shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

So why is a Christian gonna take a verse

about being ready to perish?

I thought we're never gonna perish.

Right, why are we drinking then?

We don't, we shouldn't.

He says, give strong drink to him that's ready to perish.

Let him drink and forget their poverty.

Remember their misery.

Hey, last time I checked, we got riches in heaven.

Last time I checked, the joy of the Lord is our strength.

The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace,

long suffering, gentleness, et cetera.

And so, no, this is not about us.

Wine is not for us.

Booze is not for us.

Alcohol is not for us.

And that's what his mother's telling him.

And then she says this, open thy mouth for the dumb

in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.

Open thy mouth, judge righteously,

and plead the cause of the poor needy.

She's saying, look son, you as a king,

your job is to be a blessing to other people,

to look out for other people, to help other people

and to help the helpless,

to help those who cannot help themselves,

to open your mouth for the dumb, right?

What does it mean to be dumb, means you can't speak.

You're gonna be the mouth for the dumb.

You're gonna be the ears for the deaf.

You're gonna be the eyes for the blind.

You're gonna be helping other people.

You're supposed to be an instructor of the foolish,

a teacher of babes, right?

You're supposed to be leading the blind,

not being like unto them.

And so, all that is like a preamble

for this virtuous woman section.

And I think that the way that it ties in

is that guess what, in order to find a good wife,

how about you start by being a good guy?

I would say step one to finding a good woman

is being a good guy.

And so here's the thing about that.

What does it mean to be a good guy?

Well, you're abstaining from fornication,

you're abstaining from alcohol,

and you're living a life about helping other people, right?

How about going out soul winning?

You know, and saving those that are ready to perish

and pulling them out of the fire,

hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

You know, standing up for other people,

looking out for other people, helping other people,

thinking about other people,

this is what makes you a good person.

And so I think that the idea here is

you start by being a good guy,

that's step one toward finding the good gal

is being a good guy.

You can't just be a rotten dude

and expect God to bless you with this ruby of a wife.

You know, you should work on yourself

and try to be the best possible Christian that you can be

so that you can then be blessed with a prudent wife

which the Bible says is from the Lord.

Okay, so that's important.

And so, you know, the same thing goes for women,

obviously, you know, you wanna be the right kind of girl

so that you can meet the right kind of guy,

you know, because obviously water seeks its own level

and birds of a feather flock together.

You can tell a man who booses

by the company he chooses, you know,

and on and on it goes.

So starting in verse number 10,

we have the famous virtuous woman section.

And if you'll notice this section is 22 verses long

and whenever things are 22 verses long in the Bible,

it's typically because they're connected

to the Hebrew alphabet

because the Hebrew alphabet has 22 letters in it.

Like if you go to Psalm 119,

you'll see there are 22 sections of eight verses each

and each of them is based on a letter of the Hebrew alphabet

and it'll say in your King James Bible,

Aleph, Bet, Gimel, Dahlet and so forth.

And so this is actually a poem

because remember Proverbs in the books of poetry,

it's a poem, it's a crostic poem.

So basically like verse 10 starts with Aleph,

verse 11 starts with Bet,

verse 12 starts with Gimel and on and on it goes.

So it'd be sort of like if you had a poem

where you started with an A, B, C, D, E, F, G.

That's what this is.

So this is like the ABCs of finding the virtuous woman.

And it starts out in verse 10.

It says, who can find a virtuous woman

for her price is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband does safely trust in her

so that he shall have no need of spoil.

And the first thing that I wanna point out

when you're trying to find the virtuous woman,

trying to find a godly spouse,

the number one most important thing is

don't you wanna marry somebody that you can trust?

I mean look, what is more important

in a marriage than trust?

You wanna be able to trust, I mean look,

if you're living in the same house with someone,

you wanna be able to trust that person.

If you're laying in the same bed next to somebody,

you did sure wanna trust that person

that you're laying next to.

If you're giving someone a credit card,

if you're putting their name on your bank account,

if you're putting this person's name

as the co-owner of your house,

you know, I mean you're having children together.

I mean, you wanna be able to trust that person

more than anything.

Why would you date someone that you can't trust?

Why would you marry someone that you can't trust?

Here's a little hint,

somebody who lies all the time is not trustworthy.

Right, and so here's the thing,

if your girlfriend is constantly lying to her parents,

what makes you think that she's not gonna lie to you

after you're married?

If your boyfriend is constantly lying to his parents,

lying to his boss at work,

lying over here, like, oh yeah,

but he's lying for me because he loves me.

He lies to the boss and says he's sick

so that he can hang out with me.

He lies and cheats and steals but it's all for me.

Well, guess what?

Someday he's gonna continue to lie, cheat and steal

but it's not gonna be for you, it's gonna be for himself.

And so girls who lie, cheat and steal?

Not a virtuous option, right?

Because the main thing, the first thing is like,

the heart of her husband is safely trusting her.

That's like point one.

If you could pick one thing,

you want to be married to someone that you can trust.

I mean, who wants to go through life

constantly wondering if their spouse is out

committing adultery?

Wouldn't that be hurtful, stressful, annoying,

just constantly having to keep tabs on your spouse

and trying to make sure that they're not out

cheating on you, that they're not out

committing adultery?

I mean, that would be a bad way to live your life.

You want somebody that you can trust.

You know, where you can just go to work

and you're gone at work for 10 hours or whatever

and you just kind of know that things at home

are gonna be okay.

Your wife's not just gonna go rack up all the credit cards

and just spend thousands of dollars on frivolous things.

You know that she's not gonna be out

meeting with some other dude

or chatting with some other dude

or creating an only fans account or something wicked.

You know, you don't want to be worrying about that

and thinking about that.

You want to just know, hey, she's at home,

she's cooking, she's cleaning, she's homeschooling,

she's talking to good friends, godly friends,

she's going soul winning, she's not doing anything crazy,

she's reading her Bible,

she's reading other good literature or whatever.

She's outside doing stuff with the kids,

she's out shopping, she's out at the grocery store

or whatever, but then she's not out destroying your life.

Right?

I mean, look, rocking up all your credit cards

is pretty destructive.

Okay?

Spending up all the money and then going into debt

and blowing more money, going out and cheating on you,

going out and doing all these hurtful things,

you know, harming the children or whatever.

You know, you don't want to have to worry

about that stuff, right?

You want to be able to trust.

So here's the thing, date and marry

a trustworthy person.

And so somebody who's constantly lying,

cheating and stealing, even if you're like,

yeah, but I gotta see where she's coming from

and she's doing it for me or he's doing it for me,

it's like, get real.

People who lie, cheat and steal,

they're just people who lie, cheat and steal

is what they are.

And they're gonna do it in all contexts.

And so he says, the heart of her husband

that safely trusts in her,

so that he shall have no need of spoil.

Now what is spoil?

Spoil is like an extra windfall above and beyond your wages.

Because if you think about it,

a soldier goes out to war

and he gets paid a certain wage,

he's getting a paycheck.

If you join the US military,

they're not just gonna say,

now look guys, we're not gonna pay you at all,

but whatever you can pillage from the enemy,

that's what you get to keep.

That's not the way it works, right?

You have a paycheck, you have wages.

And then on top of that, you might find something

or I don't know how it works in modern warfare,

how much loot they're allowed to pocket overseas.

But in the ancient world, it was like,

okay, you kill somebody, you're checking their pockets,

you take their wallet, you take their keys,

you take their stuff, you take their helmet,

you take their armor, he's got a cool sword,

you're gonna take that,

now that's your sword or whatever.

That's called spoil.

That is despoiling the enemy, right?

So it's like, yeah, you get wages for being a soldier,

but you also are spoiling the enemy,

you're gonna, after you defeat the enemy,

you take his wallet, you take his helmet,

you take his shield, you take his spear, whatever.

And you can sell that stuff

or you can use it or whatever.

But what the Bible's saying here is that

the heart of her husband does safely trust in her

so that he shall have no need of spoil,

meaning that his wife is so good with the money

as far as she's not blowing too much money,

she's being economical, she's being thrifty,

she's being reserved with her spending

to where he doesn't need this like bonus extra spoil,

his wages are just enough.

Now obviously, if we're talking outside of a context

of being a soldier, we get a paycheck.

Everybody here gets a paycheck, right?

He doesn't need to go work a second job necessarily

or go out and get a big bonus or whatever.

Now, he might wanna do that for certain family goals

or whatever.

I think we've all done that at times.

I've had a second job at times.

I've gone out and worked 100 hours a week at times.

That's life, but it's not like,

oh, he has to do that because of her

going on a Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus,

shopping spree or whatever.

And so it says here,

the heart of her husband does safely trust in her

so that he shall have no need of spoil.

He doesn't have to cut up her credit cards

and take them away.

And by the way, if your wife's spending is out of control,

I don't think it's wrong at all to take away her credit card

and cut it up.

That might be the smartest thing to do.

There's nothing in the Bible that says,

thou shalt give thy wife unfettered access to money

and borrowing at all times.

You know, obviously you're the leader in the home.

It's your job, men,

to make sure that you don't crash and burn financially.

And part of that is reining in your wife's spending.

Now, in some cases this may not be necessary

because I feel like in every relationship,

there's kind of the one person

who's more of a spender than the other.

And sometimes it's the man that's the spender.

You know, I'm thinking of examples right now

where the man is blowing money

and the woman is really frugal.

And then sometimes the other way around,

the man is really responsible,

the woman wants to blow the money.

Okay?

So I'm not saying that it's always

the woman blowing the money.

But I am saying that obviously God has put men in charge

as the head of household.

The husband is the head of the wife

as Christ is the head of the church.

And so because the husband is the head of the home,

if the wife is the one that is spending them

into the poor house,

you know, it's the husband's job to say,

okay, we need to be on a budget here

to hand over your credit card, whatever.

And you know, put your wife on some kind of cash method

or get her a separate account

where she gets little deposits and that's it.

You know, that's what she's got to work with.

Now, you know, I don't know,

this is probably considered like abusive or something,

you know, to basically put your wife on an allowance

or to put your wife on a budget.

But here's the thing about that is

I'm not saying that every wife needs to be

on an allowance or a budget because here's the thing,

I think some wives, you can just turn them loose

with the credit cards and the debit card

and it's gonna be fine.

Because they're being responsible.

But if they're gonna be irresponsible,

you gotta rein that in and put them on the budget

or rein yourself in and put yourself on a budget.

If you're the one who tends to spend money

like a drunken sailor.

But the Bible says here, in verse number 12,

she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Okay, but back to verse 11,

because verse 11 is just so important.

Here's the thing about this.

What's the title of the sermon?

Finding a Virtuous Woman.

Okay, so let me ask you this.

If you're looking for a girl to marry,

if the girl constantly just has extremely expensive tastes,

could this not be a red flag

that maybe this is gonna be a difficult marriage

that you have ahead of you?

If she just always has to have the name brands,

every date she wants to order the most expensive thing

on the menu, she's just going straight

for that stuff on the menu

where they don't even tell you the price,

because they don't wanna scare you.

It'll be like, you know, market price today

or whatever, you're like, what the heck?

You know it's gonna be some insane price.

When there's no number next to it,

it just says like, today's market price

for this exotic fish or whatever.

It's like, yeah, I'll have a cheeseburger.

Thank you very much.

But you know what?

If you're taking a girl out

and she just always wants to buy

the most expensive thing on the menu,

and she's always just wearing super expensive clothing,

super expensive jewelry, just everything's fancy expensive.

That's a red flag.

And you say, well, you just made that up right now.

Oh really?

Because last time I checked,

the Bible literally tells women

to be adorned in modest apparel,

not with gold or silver or pearls or costly array.

The Bible literally says not for women

that are Christians to wear costly apparel.

So did I make that up right now?

No, it's in the Bible that Christian women

should not be wearing super expensive clothes,

and that that's a red flag as a man,

because you're gonna be financing that crap

for the rest of your life.

And you think like, oh, but it looks so good.

Yeah, I wonder how good it's gonna look, though,

when you're paying for all of it.

And you're having to work overtime

and double time and two jobs,

and you're still in debt, and you're still in the hole,

and you're still not getting ahead financially,

because everything is just going into her jewelry box

and her shoe closet and what have you.

So you gotta be aware of the extremely expensive tastes

in women, okay?

Because you don't wanna have need of spoil all the time.

She'll do them good and not evil

all the days of her life.

She seeketh wool and flax

and worketh willingly with her hands.

Now, here's the thing.

The vast majority of this virtuous woman passage

could really just be summed up in one sentence.

The virtuous woman's a hard worker.

And that's pretty much like half of this, at least,

is just she works hard.

She's not lazy, you know?

You don't wanna be married to a lazy woman.

I mean, girls, you don't wanna be married to a lazy man,

because a lazy man's not gonna be able to provide

the money to make the household function.

And the lazy woman means the house is gonna be dirty.

It means you're gonna be eating frozen foods all the time.

Everything's out of a can.

Everything's frozen.

Everything is, you know, not homemade.

You want a hardworking woman

that's actually gonna put love and energy into meals,

love and energy into cooking and cleaning and housework

and taking care of things around the house.

She's gonna actually train the children,

take care of the children, not just ignore them

and just leave them alone and do unschooling,

where they don't even learn how to read and write.

You want a woman that's gonna work hard, okay?

So it says, she's seeking woolen flax

and work it willingly with her hands.

You know, it's interesting,

women throughout history have done handicrafts.

And they didn't necessarily do it for fun.

They did it because they had to,

because there were no machines to make things, right?

So nowadays, we have machines that make clothing.

We have machines that do a lot of the housework.

So it makes women's lives a lot easier.

But what's interesting is that a lot of women

still choose to do the handicrafts as a hobby,

because I think it's just so wired into their DNA

to just work with their hands and to make clothing

and to do these kind of like handicrafts

like cross stitching, embroidery, quilting.

You know, and my wife and I, you know,

we took some trips recently

where I was preaching different places

and I brought her with me.

And her favorite hobby was to just go to all these

like quilt stores, craft stores, embroidery stores.

I mean, literally over the last month,

I think we probably visited like 12 or something.

You know, I mean, she could probably give the exact number,

but if I had to guess it was like 12.

And I use the word we loosely

because I'll typically like, I'll walk her into the store

and then she'll give me an estimate

of how long it's gonna be.

Then I go on like urban hiking and come back

because I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna hang out

in a quilt store for an hour and a half.

So I usually just get some exercise and whatever.

But the thing is that my wife literally said to me

the other day, she just said, man,

I just hope that when we get to heaven,

like we can embroider and cross stitch and quilt

and everything in heaven.

She's like, I'm gonna be disappointed

if I get to heaven and there's no, you know,

handicrafts to do.

Okay, which I find that really interesting

because like you read the most ancient European literature

in existence, the Iliad and the Odyssey

and it's just constantly talking about women

weaving and making clothes.

It's like constant.

That's like all women do in those books.

It's just, they're just making stuff.

And like I said, it used to be because they had to,

you know, now a lot of women do it as a hobby,

but this has been kind of an intrinsic part

of the human experience for women

is doing these kinds of handicrafts.

And if you think about it,

if you're relying on clothing to be handmade,

that's pretty hard work

because we're not talking about going to the fabric store

and making it with your sewing machine.

And we're not even talking about going to the fabric store

and then sewing it by hand.

We're talking about making the fabric

and then sewing the fabric.

Like you have to make the fabric from scratch.

And so I don't know anything about it.

I'm not gonna pretend to.

But it says here, she's seeking wool and flax

and working willingly with her hands.

I mean, look, if you're married to somebody

that is responsible for producing the clothing

that you're gonna wear that she's gonna wear

that the kids are gonna wear.

I mean, this is gonna be essential

that she's a hard worker.

Now, unfortunately, instead of a lot of people

taking advantage of the technology

and then just saying, hey, we can be even more productive

and we can just improve our lives even more,

a lot of people will use technology

as an excuse to become lazy as both men and women.

And our lives shouldn't be better because of technology.

I mean, shouldn't technology be improving our lives,

make it easier having a dishwasher,

having a washing machine, having a sewing machine,

being able to just buy clothing?

I mean, let's face it, it's cheaper to buy clothing

than to make your own clothing.

Like I said, if you're making your own clothing,

it's because it's a hobby that you like.

It's not because you're doing it for the family

or we need it.

Because you could just go to the store

and buy it for cheaper, okay?

But the point is that that kind of stuff

is supposed to make our lives easier

so we should be living healthier, more productive lives.

But unfortunately, some people will take those things

and just use it as an excuse to be lazy.

Sit around, do nothing all day, okay?

And again, this is not biblical, it's not right.

We're not supposed to be slothful,

we're supposed to work by the sweat of our face.

And so men and women alike, I'm not against technology.

I'm not against you buying all your clothes at the store.

I'm 100% for that.

Buy the clothes at the store, use the dishwasher,

use the washing machine, use the computers,

use the smartphone, use the cars,

use all that stuff.

But here's the thing, don't let it make you a lazy person though.

So you're gonna have to find other ways

to stay busy being productive.

So instead of saying like, oh, I have all this technology,

now I can just binge watch TV all day.

Oh, I have all this technology.

That means I can just sit around and just do nothing

and just get obese and just lazy

and just do nothing and be a sloth.

Instead, we should use the technology

so that we can be even more productive

and get even more done, make our family even better meals.

Cause I guarantee you, we're eating better

than people were 2,000 years ago.

Like I guarantee you, we're probably eating healthier

than like rich people 2,000 years ago.

We better than Kings did 2,000 years ago.

And so, you know, let's use the technology

but then still put in the work

to feed your family the best meal possible,

to keep the house clean, to train your children

and teach them how to read, how to write,

how to do math, science, history, everything else.

And you know what, if you have extra time and extra energy,

you know, put that into good productive things

like serving God, you know?

And like, I'm 100% for technology

cause technology allows us all to pile into a church van

and go get a bunch of people saved in a distant city

or hop on an airplane

and go have a soul winning marathon in another city

or fly to the mission field,

take the cruise ship even better to the mission field,

get a bunch of people saved.

Technology is great

but don't let technology turn you into a lazy person

that just sits around wasting your brain,

wasting your body and so forth.

So when it says here,

she seeketh woolen flax

and worketh willingly with her hands,

this may not end up being literal

because I don't think that women have to literally

do these kind of handicrafts

and you know, sewing and knitting and all that.

They don't have to do that.

Only if you're like my wife

and it's a hobby for you, great.

But you don't have to

but you know what I think that the spirit of this is

just be productive, right?

Whatever that looks like, be productive,

be helpful, be a hard worker.

And so if you're a teenage girl

work hard at your school work as a teenage girl, right?

Work hard around the house, help out with chores,

help out with cooking, help out with those things

and guess what, the same teenage girl

who's super helpful with cooking and cleaning

and things around the house

is probably the same girl

that's gonna be a really excellent housewife someday.

Am I right?

And you know what?

The boys that are working hard at their school work

and working hard at their starter jobs

when they're teenagers

and working hard with those jobs that they are given

are probably gonna be the same ones

that succeed in their career down the road

because they're hard workers.

They're not slothful, they're not lazy.

And so even if you're not gonna literally do these things

because obviously times have changed in that sense

the spirit here is that the virtuous woman

is a hard-working woman.

And so yeah, maybe she's gonna use the instant pot

and the air fryer and all these modern gadgets

but she's still gonna harness those

to produce a good home for her family.

And so it says she seeketh will and flax

and worketh willingly with her hands.

She's like the merchant ships.

She bringeth her food from afar.

Now what does this mean?

She brings the food from afar.

She's looking for the best deal.

I mean, why does a merchant ship

go to some far away country to buy stuff?

What's the point?

The point is that they're gonna go to India

or they're gonna go to China or something

because they can get spices there.

They can get specialized items

but also they can get things for a lot cheaper

than what they can get them for locally.

Cause somebody else already went to India

and brought back the spices

but they're gonna charge you 10 times as much

because they made the trip.

And so the idea behind she's like the merchant ships

she bringeth her food from afar

is that she doesn't just only go to the grocery store

that's right by the house where everything is top dollar.

Like, oh, I just buy everything at AJ's fine foods

and I just don't even look at the price tag

or I just get everything at Whole Foods

and I just don't even look at the price tag.

It's like, wow, that'd be pretty expensive

if you live that way, right?

The virtuous woman, she's gonna get some things maybe

at Whole Foods when they're on sale

or when it's a deal or when it's comparable

but you know what, the virtuous wife

is probably gonna shop a few different places.

She's looking for the sales.

She's looking for the deals.

She's looking for the coupons.

She's looking for the deal and not just saying,

well, I'm just so lazy.

I'm just gonna go to the store once a week

and just throw everything in the car

and not even think about it.

And I was just gonna think about the price

and help her husband out like a merchant ship

bringing her food from afar.

And look, these type of things might offend some people.

Like, how dare you tell women how to do their job?

Men aren't allowed to talk about women's lives

or bodies or whatever.

It's like, well, actually I'm a preacher

and I'm gonna preach the entire Bible

and so I can talk about everything in the Bible.

Okay, and so at the end of the day,

this is the Bible saying this.

Okay, so don't get offended at the Bible.

Maybe you're offended because you're lazy

because you'd rather sit around and watch TV

and be a slob than to go out and work hard

and do good to your husband all the days of his life.

How about that?

You say, I don't know.

Earlier in the sermon,

I was thinking this would be a good Mother's Day sermon,

but now I'm not sure.

Well, that's why we're preaching it in August, amen.

But it says here, she riseth also,

verse 15, while it is yet night

and giveth meat to her household

and a portion to her maidens.

And the idea is she's getting up early,

she's not sleeping in super late.

And I'm telling you, there are literally women

that will sleep in until 10, 11, even 12, you know?

And I'm not saying that there couldn't be a rare exception

of some woman who's just super productive at night

and just gets everything done and then sleeps in late.

But let's face it, in general,

you're supposed to be getting up earlier than that.

You should be getting up early.

The idea of getting up while it's at night

is just getting up before dawn, okay?

Now obviously some of these things

could be a little bit exaggerated

or obviously there's gonna be a seasonal difference.

Some of it is gonna be different in the winter

than in the summer because getting up,

like here's what I mean by that.

If you're living in Alaska, you know,

and you're like, hey, she's gotta get up

while it's at night and night's only like three hours long.

Yeah.

You're like, okay, I can only sleep for an hour and a half.

The Bible says, obviously, you know,

you gotta take the spirit of what's being said here

and not get super duper literal here.

But you know what, if you're sleeping in super late,

you know what, you're probably not being productive.

And you know what, in general,

people who stay up real late and get up real late

are usually lazy people.

I'm not saying always.

If you're the exception, then God bless you.

Usually productive, hardworking people

tend to go to bed a little earlier

and get up a little earlier.

That tends to be the norm.

And again, I'm not saying there aren't exceptions to that.

But this woman, she's rising also while it's at night

and giving meat to her household

and a portion to her meetings.

And you know, cooking breakfast is really controversial,

you know, for a lot of people.

I don't think it's controversial at all.

Okay, I think that cooking breakfast is a virtue.

Okay, now a lot of people have this attitude of like,

well, the only meal I'm gonna cook is just dinner.

I'm just gonna cook dinner and that's it.

But you know what, hey, cooking lunch is a virtue.

Cooking breakfast is a virtue.

It's getting pretty quiet in here.

Because the men, yeah, men don't wanna say amen too loud

to that, could offend their wife.

But you know, the bottom line is that, you know,

I personally, I usually end up skipping breakfast

just because otherwise I gained too much weight.

But so I do like a periodic fasting thing.

But you know, the kids, they need breakfast, you know?

And it's like, yeah, the easiest thing is just to put

fruit loops in front of them every single day.

And obviously they're gonna love it, I love it.

But at the end of the day, that's probably not

the most nutritious breakfast.

And here's the thing, if you don't have a job,

women and you're a full-time homemaker

and you have machines and you have dishwashers

and washing machines and all of these conveniences

and a car and running water and hot water

and all these things, you know what?

It probably wouldn't kill you to cook

some five-star breakfast, you know?

Ouch, but it's true though.

You know, there was some clip of mine a long time ago

that went kind of viral and there were all these liberals

like writing articles about me.

And they quoted me as saying that I wanted,

that I loved a woman with a plan.

A plan for breakfast, a plan for lunch

and a plan for dinner, you know?

That's how I was quoted in the article.

But it says here, she considered the field

and buyeth it with the fruit of her hands

she planted the vineyard.

Now again, some people have tried to take this and say,

oh, she's a real estate agent full-time or something.

It's like, you know, that's a little bit anachronistic.

I think that when it's saying she considers a field

and buyeth it with the fruit of her hands

she planted the vineyard.

This is more like her own personal gardening or whatever.

Okay.

She girdeth her loins with strength

and strengthenedeth her arms.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good.

Now what does that mean?

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good.

Is this saying that she kind of just goes,

yeah, I'm awesome.

Yeah, yeah, my merchandise is good.

I think more the idea here is taking pride in her work

is the idea here, right?

Because we as men too, when we go to our job

we want to take pride in our work.

And what did God do?

After he created the earth, he steps back

and he looks at it and he says, it's good.

His merchandise is good, right?

He gets to the end of the six days.

He looks at everything he's made

and he looks at it and behold, it's very good.

And I think that we are the same way as human beings

where when we finish a job

we like to kind of stand back and look at our handiwork

and take pride in our handiwork.

And I don't think this is a sinful pride.

I think this is just a good, healthy thing for men

to actually find fulfillment and gratification

and enjoyment in perceiving that their merchandise is good.

Like, if I make a product, this is a good product.

I perceive that this product, this merchandise,

this is good stuff, okay?

And so she's gardening, she's creating clothing,

quilts, embroidery, whatever.

And then she's selling it, she's selling good merchandise.

She's not selling crap that's thrown together

or just, you know, sloppily done.

And I think all of us as men, when we go to our job,

whatsoever, our hand find it to do,

we should do it with our might.

And women should also take pride in the meals

that they serve and not just, yeah, slop it together.

It's, you know, it's brown, it's hot

and there's plenty of it or something, you know.

It should be, you know, put that little piece

of parsley on the plate or whatever, you know.

Take some pride in it, rotate the plate exactly

the way you wanna rotate it or whatever.

I'm just saying, hey, look upon the merchandise

and know that it's good.

Whether you're a man or a woman,

you should go through life striving for excellence

in all that you do, right?

I wanna as a pastor preach the best possible sermons

that I can preach.

You know, you as a plumber,

you wanna do the best possible plumbing job

that you can do, the best possible electrical job

that you can do, the best possible computer programming

job that you can do.

You know, you want to actually take pride

in your work and do a good job.

And why should women be different?

Why should women just be phoning in every meal,

phoning in all the housework

and just not actually putting excellence

into what they do?

I think that both male and female

should strive for perfection

and being the best that they can be.

And so it says here,

she perceives that her merchandise is good.

And then it says her candle goes not out by night,

you know, so she's working hard,

putting in long days, sun up to sun down.

And again, you know, don't try this in Alaska,

but she's doing sun up, sun down,

working hard, getting things done,

being productive, she's not idle.

And then the Bible says here

that she layeth her hands to the spindle.

You know, and again, that has to do with making textiles

and fabrics and clothing and things like that.

Her hand holdeth the disc staff, same thing.

She stretched without her hand to the poor.

Yay, she reached forth her hands to the needy.

She's generous, she cares about other people.

She's not afraid of the snow for her household

because she lives in Arizona.

No, I'm just kidding.

She's not afraid of the snow for her household

for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry.

Her clothing is silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates

when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

And so what I see here is that, you know,

her husband is sort of freed up to go out and work hard

and also to engage even politically.

And he can engage with the elders of the land

and he can be a part of society.

He can do stuff with church

because she is taking care of things at home.

He doesn't have to be doing it all.

She's taking care of him

and it allows him to go out and be his best self

and work hard for the family.

She maketh fine linen and selleth it

and delivered girdles under the merchant verse 24.

The idea here is that not only is she able

to make all the clothes that her family needs,

she's able to make too much to where she's selling excess.

So she's able to clothe her whole family

and then she's got an extra.

And then, okay, let's just sell this.

Bring home even more money.

Strength and honor her clothing

and she shall rejoice in time to come.

And so, if you notice here,

pretty much all the way from like verse 13,

all the way down to like, you know, verse 24,

the main thing that it was talking about is like hard work.

And then hard work is gonna come up again.

But you can see that that's the main theme here

is working hard.

And again, I'm glad we have technology

that makes our lives easier,

but we don't want technology

to just make us even more lazy.

Let technology make our lives better and more productive,

not just lazier.

Like, oh, well, let's just live at a low level

and just, we have technology so we can just relax.

No, I mean, let's still work hard, you know?

And we need to take, for our body's sake,

for our mind's sake,

and for the sake of the work

that needs to be done around the house.

Cause you know what?

Let's face it,

even though technology has made women's lives easier,

there are some things that have made women's lives

harder.

Like for example, when I married my wife,

my wife asked me, she said,

what am I supposed to do all day while you're at work?

Cause you know, when we got married,

I was explaining to my wife that, you know,

you're gonna be at home,

I'm gonna be at work,

this is how it's gonna work.

And she's like, what am I supposed to do all day?

I'm like, well, you know, you're gonna be cooking,

you're gonna be cleaning,

and you're gonna make all the phone calls.

And she's like, what phone calls?

And I was just like, you'll see.

She's like, I'm not afraid of any phone calls,

I'm just like, you will be, you will.

Because this is the phone calls,

is just everybody is always screwing things up.

And I don't even have to explain this to the women

who are making, they already make these phone calls.

Everything's getting screwed up all the time.

You get bills that are screwed up.

You get, you know, just all kinds of issues

you're dealing with.

And you have to deal with the car insurance company,

and you have to deal with the utility company,

and you have to deal with returns,

and you buy stuff, and it's broken,

they ship you the wrong one,

and you gotta call them,

and get the return label from Amazon, and whatever.

So I understand that, like,

not everything has gotten easier.

Because some of these machines

cause us problems too, you know.

So, you know, now there's the phone calls.

And my wife will literally,

someone spent hours on the phone dealing with idiots.

You know?

Just dealing with bozos.

That's the curse that God put upon women

in the Garden of Eden.

Like, you know, like in sorrow,

you'll bring forth children,

you'll make phone calls to bozos all day.

Okay, I added that part.

But the point is that, you know, there's stuff to do.

There's stuff to do, right?

If you're productive, you know,

I think that the productive wife can find stuff to do.

And then it says this.

It says, she opened up her mouth with wisdom,

and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Now, here's the thing,

we need to kind of get the train back on the track here,

because the sermon was supposed to be called

Finding a Virtuous Woman.

And so, we need to kind of go back to the idea

of what are you looking for as a young man

in the woman that you're gonna marry.

You know, one of the things is,

you know, how does she talk?

And what kind of things does she say?

Is she opening her mouth with wisdom?

Or is just constant dumb crap coming out of her mouth, right?

Just moronic, just jive talk.

That's probably an outdated expression.

But you know, just nonsense or blathering, right?

You don't wanna marry a blather-skite, okay?

I don't know, I'm trying to find the right words

and I'm failing.

You don't wanna, in Germany,

you don't wanna marry a Doomschwetzer,

or a Doomschwetzerin, okay?

So, you don't wanna marry somebody

who's just constantly saying dumb things

and just constant gossip and dumb things

and just blah, blah, blah.

You know, you wanna marry someone

who actually is opening her mouth with wisdom.

You know, and guess, here's how you open

your mouth with wisdom.

You have wisdom.

Because out of the abundance of the heart,

the mouth speaketh, right?

And so, here's the thing.

If you wanna work on yourself, ladies, right?

Read the Word of God.

Pray, go to church, try to be spiritual

because garbage in is gonna be garbage out,

whereas if you're filled with the spirit

and you're walking with God,

you're gonna open your mouth with wisdom

and your tongue is gonna be the law of kindness, right?

So, you know, you don't wanna marry a loudmouth.

And the Bible warns elsewhere in Proverbs

that the strange woman is, quote, loud and stubborn.

Just loud, stubborn, obnoxious.

You know, you wanna marry a woman

who's opening her mouth with wisdom

and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

And then it says in verse 27,

she looked at the well to the ways of her household

and eateth not the bread of idleness.

It's like just when you thought we got off

the hard work topic, it just comes back.

She looks well to the ways of her household

and eateth not the bread of idleness.

And again, you young girls,

you practice this now as a kid

by helping out around the house,

making meals, cleaning, taking care of kids,

doing stuff like that.

You do that now and you know,

you young men look at is this girl a hard worker or not?

Not just, oh, she's so, such a smoke and haughty.

That ends up not being the most important thing

in the long run.

You say, well, it's easy for you to say,

Pastor Anderson, because you married a gorgeous woman.

I did, but I married her for what was on the inside.

The outside is a bonus, okay?

And so, you don't wanna go through life

just being deceived by the outside.

You have to look at what's on the inside.

What you want is the one who's gonna look well

to the ways of her household, unselfish,

thinking about other people, working hard, wise woman,

not eating the bread of idleness.

Looking well to the ways of her household.

Her children arise up and call her blessed.

Her husband also, and he prays that there

many daughters have done virtually,

but thou excelest them all.

Favor is deceitful, don't miss this.

Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain.

What does vain mean?

Empty, meaningless, worthless.

But a woman that feared the Lord, she shall be praised.

So at the end of the day, if you had a choice

between being married to just a 10 out of 10

who doesn't love the Lord and a much more modest,

you know, humble, you know, I don't wanna say homely,

but homely gal that loves the Lord.

If you're smart, you'll take the one

that loves the Lord.

Now I don't think that you should marry someone

that you're not attracted to.

Obviously that's a recipe for disaster.

Marry someone that you're attracted to,

but here's a little secret about men.

Men are attracted to almost all women.

You know, this is a dirty little secret.

There, I said it, okay?

You know, men find women attractive,

you know what I mean?

Period.

It's not like men are only attracted

to like the top 5% of women or something.

No, they're probably just not attracted

to the bottom 5%, okay?

So I'm not saying to men, and you know,

maybe men will lie to you and say that I'm,

but I'm actually telling the truth.

That's what I do for a living.

I'm a truth teller, okay?

And here's the thing about it is

that you should not marry a woman

that you're not attracted to,

but you should base your decision

of who you marry on these qualities

because the Bible is saying favors deceitful

and beauties vain.

The Bible is saying you need to find a woman

that fears the Lord.

You wanna find a virtuous woman.

So the way that I approached dating

when I was a teenager and a young adult,

the way that I approached this was,

I just had a cut off.

You know, if you're below the cut off,

sorry I'm not attracted to you,

this isn't gonna work, okay?

But there were lots and lots of women

that are above the cut off,

and among those, I base my decision 100%

on internal real quality, right?

And I'm going by, you know,

does this girl wanna live for God?

You know, is she a hard worker?

You know, is she intelligent?

You know, I'm looking at the inside,

it's the inside of the counts.

So you don't base it on the outside.

If you're basing on looks, it's stupid.

You just, as long as she makes the cut, folks,

as long as she's above the line and makes the cut,

then you go by, okay, what's on the inside?

But if you're like, well, that's not true, pastor,

because I'm only willing to date the top 5%

appearance-wise, top 10%.

You know, you're probably just already an idiot

and already doomed anyway,

and so this sermon's probably not gonna help you.

If you're that stupid to think,

oh, 90% of women are ugly,

well, why don't you love God's creation?

You know, last time I checked,

God made all things beautiful in his time, right?

So if you're one of these people that just thinks like,

oh, 90% of men are ugly,

90% of women are ugly,

you're probably just hate people,

you're probably just misanthropic,

and you're probably just a weird trash person

in need to get right with God

and start loving your neighbor as yourself.

Because you know, when you love people, they look better.

Have you noticed that?

If you love people, they look better.

Well, guess what?

If you're a person who goes through life-loving humanity,

you're not gonna think, oh, 90% of men are ugly,

90% of women are ugly.

That's just an arrogant, prideful, weird attitude,

and I have noticed that among this current generation

that attitude, everybody's ugly.

It's just like, no, you're ugly on the inside

is what you are, if you think that way.

You know, you shouldn't just go through life

just thinking like, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly,

ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly.

And please don't think I pointed at anyone just now

because I didn't.

My finger was moving totally at random.

Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, beautiful,

ugly, ugly, beautiful, ugly, ugly, ugly.

It's a, you're a weird person if that's how you think.

You know, you need to broaden your mind a little bit.

Not everyone's gonna look like a Hollywood star.

What if I told you Hollywood stars

don't even look like Hollywood stars?

Because they've literally been airbrushed

and CGI'd and modified and make up

and trick photography and everything.

You see those people in real life

they're not gonna be as good looking.

You know, if you met Tom Cruise in real life

you'd just be like, bro's too short for me.

Right, I mean, how tall is he?

Worldly ones, what?

Five, five, is he even that tall?

What is it then?

You're saying it's less than five, five,

maybe with a number.

Somebody Google it.

I'm just saying, you know what,

I remember when I was a kid

I met a supermodel in real life

and she was not attractive.

He's five, seven, that's not even short.

Why are people talking about him being short?

See, this is the crop I'm talking about.

Five, seven, so short.

That's not even short, bro.

And here I am just blaspheming Tom Cruise

for no reason.

All right, we'll save the trash talk about Tom Cruise

for the Scientology sermon, okay?

Then we'll get him what's coming to him.

But the point is, like, but that's the thing,

like, oh, five, seven, bro, that's not even short.

The average man in America is five, nine.

So sorry, every guy's not gonna be six foot.

Every woman is not gonna be just, you know,

this super Barbie doll that you think you want

or whatever.

I remember I was, there was some supermodel at the mall

by my house when I was a kid.

I went and met the supermodel and here's the thing,

like, she looked kind of weird

because it's like the camera adds 10 pounds.

So there's like 10 pounds are missing

when you see them in real life.

And so they kind of look bony and weird

and weird bone structure and just plastic and fake.

And it was just like, it was real disappointing

to my little teenage self.

But, you know, I thought I was really gonna see something

impressive, but I didn't, you know?

Because favor is deceitful and Hollywood is deceitful

and Madison Avenue is deceitful and beauty is vain.

And so expecting everybody to look like some guy.

And by the way, these dudes on the movies,

they're all on steroids, human growth hormone,

you know, hormone replacement therapy, whatever.

You know, they're just like totally fake bodies.

The women are fake, the men are fake.

Don't be deceived, my friend.

And that's not what counts, what counts is fearing the Lord.

It says in verse 31,

give her of the fruit of her hands

and let her own works praise her in the gates.

You know, at the end of the day,

it's what we do that matters, not how we look,

it's what we do.

And you know what?

If you're looking for a virtuous gal,

you should be looking at what she does.

What does she do?

What does she say?

How does she act?

Not just how does she look?

What you want is hard work, godliness, loving the Lord,

quality on the inside.

And you know what?

Don't have this attitude of everybody's ugly

because I think you're an ugly person on the inside

if that's your attitude.

I think that's,

and everybody, oh, Tom Cruise is short or whatever.

What the hell is that?

Why have I been told that my whole life?

It's bogus.

Five, seven.

You gotta be kidding me.

Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.

Lord, we thank you so much for this chapter, Lord.

We thank you so much for the godly advice

of a mother to her son.

And Lord, I pray that everyone here would be smart enough

to listen to what your word is saying

and to really dwell on these things

and realize that alcohol is destructive,

that womanizing is a shame and a sin and it's wrong.

And Lord, help us all to be godly men and women

that will be pure and righteous and try to seek out

other like-minded, saved Christians

that we could spend our lives with

that would actually edify us and improve our lives

and improve us spiritually.

And Lord, thank you for my wife.

I love my wife very much and I'm thankful

that you've given me a virtuous wife.

I pray that other young men would find that virtuous wife

and I pray that every young lady here

would strive to be a virtuous woman.

According to Proverbs 31,

and those that are already married,

I pray that we would all be the best husbands

and wives that we could possibly be.

And in Jesus' name we pray, amen.