Marriage & The Home - Frank Brancato 2/5/06

Marriage, as defined. Is that great agreement by which

a man and a woman have become husband and wife.

It is the state of or relationship between a man and a

woman who have become husband and wife Marriage is a

relationship that originated with God?

It was not something in that, great bond in that.

Great Union that man had come up with, but it was something that

was appointed or ordained by the god of heaven.

And contrary to what the world and all the world's philosophies

would tell us it was always intended to be one man with one

woman and that that Bond would be in this life.

And for life, Yeah, but very sadly.

I am told that one out of every three marriages today, end in

divorce. Think about although those many

others though that never make it to the divorce courts and yet

they live their life in their marriage relationship,

completely unhappy. And when we look at that, we can

see that these are the marriages that God did not want the

marriage relationship is, the closest of all human

relationships as we read for Hearing a moment ago in the Book

of Genesis, the second chapter and in verse number 24, where it

says, therefore shall a man, leave his father and his mother

and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh in

this marriage relationship. God intended for it to be happy,

but the problem is far too. Many people fail to follow God's

plan and his principles that are set forth in his word.

And because of that, That they coexist together in nothing but

a chaotic mess very sadly. Today.

Homes are destroyed because Jesus is not there, the fastest

terior ation of the home has been recognized by both

religious and non-religious people as well.

But, you know, the very most beautiful picture and all the

world to me is the mother working happily in her home with

her children nearby and teaching them.

God's word. But the saddest picture of our

day though is what very sadly is prominent all around us and

that's the crumbling of the homes Foundation as it goes.

Back and dates back. And traces back, very sadly to

the marriage that it began with instead of entering into the

marriage relationship. Using the Bible as a guide, many

will enter the marriage on a trial and error basis.

After all, we'll go and we'll extend all manner of promises to

the other one, we will stand there and give our vows.

We would tell in front in the presence of God and all that are

there that we're going to be together forever and yet in the

back of our minds, we are thinking, but if it doesn't work

out, we'll just get out of it and we'll start again with

another very sadly. That's what the world does

promises, are broken and homes are destroyed but I wish to

discuss with you for a little while.

This morning is the Bible pattern for a happy marriage and

a Godly home. First of all, we understand.

And we all know this that men and women contrary to what the

world would tell us men and women are not equal.

But very interesting though, when we look in God's word we

find that there is nothing that says that men and women are to

do, the same thing are to have the same role.

In fact, we find that there are two stations or two spheres of

activity, we find in God's word. There is the station of

headship, but also, when there is the station of headship,

there must of necessity be the station of subjects objection.

Or those two people could not exist together in unity.

And so what God has instructed or God has appointed?

Is that men and women have different roles but nowhere in

In God's word doesn't say. Because man has been given the

the idea or the subject of headship or the authoritative

role in the home nowhere. Does it say that a man is more

important than a woman also know, where does it say in God's

word? That man is better than a woman

and listen, Because his role is different.

It doesn't mean that he is more important than she is.

You know, I think sometimes we forget that the woman has a

role. That is so necessary.

It is so needed. And without the woman,

fulfilling her role to its completeness the home and the

structure of the home cannot exist as God would have it to be

But notice the Apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter 5 beginning in

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

verse number 22, where the Apostle Paul says that the man

is to be the head. Paul said, wives submit

yourselves to your own husband's as unto the Lord for the husband

is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church

and he is the savior of the body therefore as the church is

subject unto Christ. So let the wives be to their own

husband's. Ends in everything, you know,

it's very interesting. Here, the Apostle Paul by divine

inspiration of the. Holy spirit is saying that the

woman is to be in subjection to her husband in the home.

Now, understand this, it doesn't say men and women, it says,

husbands and wives. My wife is to be in subjection

to me as her husband, as the Apostle Paul clearly stated.

But, you know, I don't think. Think written in God's word is

in there to take up space. I don't think there are any

coincidences in God's word. Did you ever stop to consider?

Because that's what most of us do what we want to do as men we

want to read? How were the authoritative role?

We want to read verses of scripture to our wives and

indicate to them that they are to be in subjection to us.

But we failed to read the very next sentence at the great

Apostle Paul stated in the book of Ephesians in that text.

I do I think this is a coincidence because right after

Paul said that the woman is to be in subjection to the man.

Then Paul said, husbands love your wives how.

So Paul said, as Christ also loved the church and gave

himself for it. The question today, isn't

whether man is to be the head, the question is, how is he to

lead? How is the man going to perform

his authoritative responsibilities in the home?

Will Paul said it like this. Paul said that the husband is

going to lead his family. He's going to lead his wife.

He's going to be the authority in that home, as Jesus Christ is

the church now. I'll tell you something.

If you look at what Jesus has done, for the church that we

must also understand that you and I as Husbands are failing

miserably because when we look and understand how it was that

Jesus Christ leads today and how he is our leader.

And we are his bride as the church.

When we understand how much he loved the church, which is his

bride. Then, we must also understand it

is not as a tyrant know, he is leading as he has lived.

It is an authority of performance.

It is one of the example, And it is one of sacrifice ever stop to

consider all that Jesus did for the church.

Jesus is the head because of what he has done for her and

continues to do as our great high priest making intercession.

For all those that are members of the body of Christ, the

church is not in subjection to Jesus because of chastisement,

but because of what he has done and continues to do for it.

The headship of Jesus Christ is a headship of selfishness is not

one of self. Witness because nothing that

Jesus Christ did for the church was for his own benefit.

And when husbands consider their wives, like Jesus Christ,

considered the church, I'm going to tell you something, I don't

know. I have never met a woman.

And I mean, any woman in the world in my entire life that if

you would sit down and talk about the concepts of authority

and subjection, if you would go and map out how it is that, the

husband is going to lead his family like Jesus.

Christ leads the church. I don't know.

One woman that I have ever met in my entire life.

It's going to have a problem being in subjection to that kind

of leadership. Who in the world would not want

that? To have leadership and headship.

That is that of sacrifice is that of performance.

And that of example, you know, very sadly today folks, and I

speak to the man. You know, I understand that the

woman has a job to do and being in subjection.

We're going to get to that, too, because we're going to talk to

them, just a moment. But I'll tell you something,

there are too many wives today and families today, and children

today. They that are not what they

ought to be because you and I as men are not what we ought to be.

Even it begins with us. We need to understand that the

authoritative role in leading. Our families begins with the

man. We need to rise up as men in our

households and Lead our families.

And we need to do so with performance with sacrifice and

by the example of Our Lives. That's how we need to lead, and

you just watch and see. You just watch and see your wife

and your children following you? What a wonderful existence it

becomes but it begins with you. Secondly, though.

Paul said he is to love his wife.

How so the Apostle Paul said in Ephesians, 5:28 29, so ought men

to love their wives as their own bodies, he that loveth, his

wife, loveth himself for no man, ever yet hated his own flesh,

but nourishes. But nourisheth it and cherishes

it even as the Lord, the church. And so he is to love his wife as

he loves his own body and must treat her just like that.

Someone said one time. If you want your wife to be an

angel, tell her that she is. If you wanted to be good-looking

tell her she is good looking you see she will show the outward

likeness of her inner image. He said if you don't believe me,

just tell her that she's ugly and see that she doesn't live up

to it. That's what we do.

That's really what we do. We at we actually, with the way

that we are. We manifest what we feel inside,

if we feel rotten inside, Chances are, we're going to be

rotting on the outside, but if we are those that feel good

inside and we feel loved inside, if we feel like, we are being

led, as we should be led because of someone that loves you that

much, in your home, you wait and see how lovely you become when

you manifest that example. Sometimes, though, before we get

married fellas, you remember this?

The people that we are trying to marry or were trying to win the

heart of man were performing before the marriage.

We're performing. Everyday is a performance.

We're putting our very best for us foot forward.

You know why we want to win her love, we want to win her

affection. We want her to choose us to

spend the rest of their lives with That very sadly though.

We get married and they get the rest of us, they get really what

we really are because we were performing at one time.

But now this is the reality. They get the rest often times.

A man compliments and Praises her before the marriage.

But after the wedding, he takes her for granted.

Anyone that's ever been married. Understands this this is not

using wisdom, but just remember he is to love.

His wife. A story was once told of woman

on their wedding night that said to her husband, she said let me

ask you something. I know that we've just walked

down the aisle today, but I got to ask you.

Do you really love me? Do you really love me deep down

inside your heart? He said, yeah, I love you.

But if I ever changed my mind, you'll be the first to know.

You know what the problem with that is love, does not have a

timetable love, is something that we do and feel all the days

that we live. We're going to notice in just a

moment. By the way, how it's just not

just how you feel emotionally. At the moment, we're going to

get to that very interesting but notice this, sometimes we need

to understand though that the way we treat one, another is a

byproduct. Product or an extension of how

we truly feel for them more on that.

Also in just a moment, let's just do this.

Let me just say this before we move on let's not be like the

fella that disregarded, his wife, desire to have flowers,

all of their married life and then all of a sudden hey as long

as you do it one time it's better late than never.

Let's not be like that fella. Where the flowers came at the

funeral. Let's be those that live our

lives and direct our families in such a way, that when we're all

through, we can say, I'm glad that I did rather than I wish I

had. But next also, let's talk about

some principles for the wife. The Apostle Paul writing to

Titus and Titus Chapter 2 and verses 3 through 5, he tells us

Titus 2 · chapter mention

that she is to love her husband. Notice what Paul said, he said

the aged women, likewise, that they be in Behavior as becometh

Holiness notice, what the older women and listen, I say this

with all the respect in the world about our older women.

I'm not saying this in any negative way.

I'm saying this in a positive way.

When I talk about the agent women, I'm not talking about the

fact that they no longer have a duty a responsibility.

Oh no. To the contrary.

I'm saying that. They do have a responsibility.

And listen, we need you. The Lord's church needs.

You But you know, this kind of goes by the wayside.

This doesn't happen much instruction from the older women

to the younger women sometimes goes without being done and but

there is a tremendous need Paul says not false teachers, not

given to much wine. That's the example, they become

teachers of good things that they might teach the young women

to be sober to love their husbands to love their children.

Children to be discreet. Chaste keepers at home, good

obedient to their own husband's. That the word of God be not

blasphemed. You know.

Husbands need to hear things too, you know, that might just

get me kicked straight out of the guys Club forever.

But that's alright. I'm going to tell you something.

We might act like it's not true but we need to hear it too.

We need to hear how you feel about us.

There's no way that we can be the men that we need to be

without the proper women in our life.

There's no way. You know, there's an old saying

in the common vernacular that behind every good man is a good

woman. That's not just words.

That's a fact. And I'm going to tell you

something. Women, if you want your

husband's to be more than they are, you get behind them, you

support them, you tell them, you build them up, you strengthen

them, Because I'm going to tell you something, a man is only

half as good as he will ever become.

If you are not in his Corner husband's though, be the men you

need to be so that she feels that you deserve such

encouragement. You know a woman one time went

to a marriage counselor and he said what's the problem in your

marriage? She said, I tell you what the

problem is. I can't seem to get it across to

my husband that I love. Of him.

In fact, regardless of all that I do he doesn't believe or feel

that I love him. In fact, in fact, all of our

arguments stem from that very fact from that.

Very thing. She said, why do you see?

He said, why do you suppose that is And she says, oh, I don't

know. I I guess he's just a moron.

And then he said, well what does she say?

What does he say? When you tell him that you love

him? Oh, I could never tell him that

five or told him something like that.

He'd probably just drop dead. Sometimes we need to look at the

way that we treat one another in that capacity very quickly, the

Apostle Paul dealt with the characteristics of love and

First Corinthians, the 13th chapter.

Now here's my point. If these are characteristics

that work for Brothers and Sisters in Christ together, it

surely works for the greatest Union and the greatest

relationship that you will ever have in your life.

And that is the marriage relationship.

Oh, Or this great Union. So notice the characteristics of

Love at the great Apostle. Paul said in First Corinthians

1 Corinthians 13 · chapter mention

chapter 13, He says. First of all that love is

long-suffering, long-suffering is patient long tempered and

here's a good one. Self-restraint might want to

keep that one. You'll need that one

self-restraint. That's what it means to have the

love. The Bible describes.

It's not just a moon, June tuned spoon type of feeling.

Oh no. There's some effort that goes in

and some practice that goes in to demonstrating.

The kind of love of the Bible. You need to have self restraint,

you need to be patient. Secondly, pause said that love

is kind kind means good gracious and pleasant.

Thirdly, love is not envious. You know this comes from the

word that means jealousy and you know this is for the this to go

for the man or the woman either one but jealousy is a horrible

thing. Jealousy is something that will

destroy relationships, but love proper love and true.

Love is not envious of these things.

Many times wives and husbands as well are filled with jealousy

which is simply a lack of faith in their spouse and it eats the

Very heart out of a marriage fourthly love does not vaunt

itself. The King James version says that

just means it's not a boaster or a braggart.

It's not puffed up, it's not conceded.

Number 5, Paul says, it does not behave itself.

Unseemly, you know by definition.

You know what this means you don't pout and you don't fly off

the handle and you Not guilty of unseemly conduct.

If you truly have the love of the Bible, then that's how

you're going to demonstrate it. You're not going to pout, you're

not going to fly off the handle, but number 6, notice this, it is

not selfish, it is not easily provoked and does not keep

records of evil. We've all done that though.

Remember what you did that time? Or somebody is Forgiven us

something? Yeah, okay, I'm sorry.

I forgive you. It's all done.

But then as time goes on, see how yah remember that time and

you bring it up again, but the proper love of the Bible.

Though does not keep track or keep records of evil.

You know, we've talked about this with regards to any

relationship that you will ever be in if you keep track of

events. Evil, if you keep track of or a

record of it, there's no way that you're going to feel and

demonstrate your feeling for that person as you should.

It makes no difference. If you are Brothers and Sisters

in Christ, if it is your child, if it is your spouse.

If it is whoever in this world, if there is evil and it's been

taken care of, leave it alone and cast it aside and don't ever

bring it up again. That's what love is remember

what you did that time? One scholar said it's throwing

the book at him or her think of what marriages would be of true.

Love were demonstrated by both the husband and the wife as

well. You've heard me say this though,

there's a tremendous misunderstanding about the

concept of falling in love, you can talk to somebody that's

maybe. Found someone in their life that

is not a Christian and they are establishing relationships with

someone that's going in an opposite direction.

Just as fast as they possibly can from the Lord's church but

the relationship is growing stronger and stronger and

feelings are being cultivated and so on and pretty soon.

You have this Christian boy or this Christian girl who is quote

unquote in love with someone that is diametrically opposed to

the way you live your life and the way that you know, you ought

to live as a Christian only to hear him say, but we're in love.

Just fell in love. You might go to someone and say

what happened to your relationship over time?

What happened? Well, we just fell out of love.

Let me tell you something. Love is not something.

That's got you by the back of your neck.

Guiding you in ways that wants to take you.

You don't just Cruise right along and just fall right on in

there. And then pretty soon, one day

you fall out, oh, no, love is a choice.

And an exercise of the mind that is what love is, you know, love

is like happiness. I know that there are things in

this world that are not pleasant.

There are things that are going on in the lives of some of our

people here, right now that are not pleasant, but I'm going to

tell you something, you can't change the outcome of those

things, but you can change how you're going to feel about it.

That's what happiness is loves the same way.

It's a choice. It's an exercise of the mind.

You know. One person said, one time that

love is sacrificial action. Love always pays the price.

Love, always cost. Something love is very

expensive. When you love benefits accrue to

another's account. Love is for you and not me.

And lastly love Gibbs. It doesn't grab.

That's what love is you have to demonstrate that.

You don't just sit back and wait to feel loved a newspaper, man.

Once told a story about how a wife came to him, whose marriage

was in shambles and said, I'm not only want to get rid of him.

I not only want to divorce him, but I want to hurt him.

I don't like him anymore and I'll tell you what I want to do.

I want to find a way that I can hurt him even more.

Or and then I want to divorce him.

So, a friend says, I got it. Here's a greatest thing.

You can do, spend the next two or three months and get a

slippers for him. Every night, make his meals,

tell him, you love him, make him believe that you feel all of

that and set him up. And when he least expected

divorce him, that'll get him. Two months went by and this

fella saw her and says, well, you ready for the divorce?

She said, you know, I would never divorce that man.

All the days of my life because I have learned and figured out I

guess. I really do love him after all,

you see motion brought about emotion when you set it in with

willful Deeds for the other. And you put that into motion,

you put that into practice, then you're going to feel quite a bit

differently. We would think though the

opposite we would think that I'm going to feel good.

Good about someone else if they're doing things for me but

not really try it sometime do something for another, and you

will find the way that you feel about that person is going to

change. If you do good things for that

person, you're going to feel different about that person.

Now, we're talking about the marriage relationship today, but

let's do it this way. It's everything.

If my brother in Christ, or my sister in Christ, or someone in

the world has wronged me or offended me.

And I don't feel very good about that if I go.

Go out and do that. Which is good for that person.

I'm going to change how I feel about them.

It works. One man said the ability to love

is established. Not So Much by fervent promise,

but by repeated Deeds, let me just say this, especially to

young people. A marriage that is based upon

physical beauty alone will not last.

When the wrinkles come, when the teeth fall out, it will not if

we choose someone because they are quote, unquote, beautiful,

if we choose someone that is the fair-haired boy.

Boy, if we choose someone, because he's the campus football

star, I'm going to tell you something.

That marriage is not going to last when the problems Mount and

his chest Falls absolutely not. You can get someone that's the

absolute most beautiful girl in all the school, but when she

becomes the drug to the kitchen sink, I'm going to tell you

something that kind of a marriage that kind of a

relationship is not going to last.

It's going to take an exercise of the Mind in order to do.

So, this exercise of the mind will not permit a husband or a

wife to see gratification outside of their bond.

It will not permit divorce. Since each partner knows how do

they know mental process, the will of God and seeks the very

best good for his or her mate. When ill be set your marriage

partner, you will not seek a divorce but you will care for

one another through thick and thin.

That's what you will do because it's an exercise of the mind and

you chose to do that one time you a long time ago, and you

cultivate that by daily decisions and daily Deeds for

the rest of your lives together. very quickly, I know you've all

heard this, but There's different ways to show love and

affection to your spouse. You know, about 15 years ago, it

would have been great. If somebody would have sat down

with me and told me all the rules, Would have been great.

If somebody would have told me some things that I know, now

that I didn't know then but you know, as we know and as you know

it's a very common thing. Commonly known thing that we all

have various Love Languages and we need to love each other in

our own love language. Tina and I are completely

different if I try to love Tina and my love language, it might

be all great and nice and all. But I am not fulfilling what she

needs in that capacity because it's not in her language.

Love languages are these and there are five.

There are words of affirmation there's quality time receiving

gifts acts of service and physical Touch.

This is how people need to have love expressed to them.

I'll tell you something, mine happens to be my primary one

happens to be words of affirmation.

Not tell you something. When I get it, when I get words

of affirmation. I feel like I could do anything.

I'm not kidding. Like I can do absolutely

anything, but when I don't get it, I'm as empty as I can be.

You know, I used to think I'm pretty good.

I'm I'm a pretty good catch for old Tina.

I used to think that, you know why?

Because I was giving her words of affirmation all the time,

physical touch, I wanted to hold her hand.

Put my arm around her, I might as well have been speaking

Chinese because that's not her language.

Hers happened to be that I found out later on hers happened.

To be quality time and acts of service.

You know what I did though? When I found out about this

quality time thing I said, well, I'm right here.

I'm four feet from you. I'm here, we were watching a

football game on TV. I thought that was it quality

time. We're spending time together.

I'm right there. No quality time is when they

have your undivided attention and acts of service is doing

something for them that they don't have to do now and you

thought enough about them that you were willing to do it for

them. That is how certain people feel

The Greatest Love of All. You know, we've gone through

program with some of you about this and it's wonderful to see

how people say it's changed their marriage, it's change the

way they look at things, and I'll tell you something, anytime

that you get things out of sorts, step back and go back to

those basic things and start giving, and then you will get.

But thirdly though the woman is to do something that I know.

No, that is is against the grain of the teaching in the world,

but Paul said there's something else Paul said that she is to

honor her husband. In Ephesians 5 and 33.

Paul said, nevertheless let every one of you in particular,

so love his wife, even as himself and the wife see that

she reverence, her husband noticed, Sarah, honored,

Abraham, by the way that she spoke to him and spoke about him

and first Peter 3 and verse 6. The Bible says, even as Sara

obeyed, Abraham calling him Lord, whose daughters you are as

long as you do well, and are not afraid.

It with any amazement. When a wife cuts down her

husband, she is not showing honor to him.

She also honors him though. Listen, by the way, that she

behaves in the presence of others.

You know, you can be a wife and never say one bad word about

your husband. You could speak to him with all

of what seems to be the reverence in the world.

And you can feel as though you are honoring him and every

single way. But if you behave yourself

unseemly, if you behave yourself in the presence of others, that

others can see, the way that you behave and it's not what it

ought to be it, dishonors your husband.

You honor your husband, by the way that you speak to him, speak

about him and about the way that you behave around others, and

the wife is to do that, she is to honor her husband.

A woman must love her, husband must honor him by her words and

manner of life and must be in subjection to him marriage

problems. Today would be cured if

Christian mates would love each other and consider God in their

marriage. Let me Say this to you, let me

just say this to all those that are still searching for a mate

or someday will search for a mate in this world.

Let me just tell you. You find somebody and you look

for the greatest quality and that greatest quality is this,

you get this first, everything else can fall in, you get this

first, you find someone that is willing to accept the role that

God has instructed that person to have in the marriage

relationship. Friendship, you get that person

first. Because I'll tell you something,

if a person is not willing to do that, you are wasting your time,

you are wasting your time. If you are looking for someone

that is not willing to follow in the role that God has

instructed. But if one would do that, if one

would love his wife, for example, as Christ loved the

church, he will love her as his own body.

He will dwell with her according to knowledge humanly speaking.

She will be His deepest love, they would practice the, our

philosophy and not the my attitude.

In conclusion this morning this is all I have but let me just

say one man said it this way. Marriage is for life and must

not be taken lightly. It takes work and the right

attitude to make it a success. You must always choose that,

which is seeking. After the same things that you

are, you must always find a mate, that will help you get to

heaven and never choose one. That is not willing to fit the

role that God has intended for him and or her to have Because

there's nothing in all the world that's as Priceless as the

couple who have been married for many years though.

They've had their rough times. They truly love one another in

spite of disagreements sickness, creeping old age, balding, heads

expanding stomach lines, wrinkles false teeth, and feeble

steps. Because in the eyes of each

other, they're more in love than the day that they win, and they

care for one another in sickness and in health.

They see all of each other's faults, but they overlooked them

seeking that, which is the greatest and the best for their

spouse. Ladies and gentlemen, that is an

exercise of the Mind. Strong churches are made up of

families that are strong. You will never have a strong

family unit in Home, father's, without being the spiritual

leader in your house, you will never have what you ought to be.

If the wife is not willing to be in subjection to such leadership

and guide your children in the way that they should go.

We thank you for listening to our podcast, put on by the

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Please email us at info at True Church of Christ

Bakersfield.com. Our service times are on Sundays

at 10:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. and Wednesdays at 7:30 p.m.

Please make plans to join us. We would love for you to be our

honored guest.