Lost, Search, and Recovery with Ben Carruthers

My name is Ben Carruthers and the Director of Student Family Ministries here.

This is my sweat rag and so the front zone she has a splash zone so you might get baptized twice today.

Hope not.

Glad to be here, glad to be worshiping with you and for those of you online, thanks for tuning in.

We are in our fourth and final week of going through and trying to understand the book Song of Songs.

I can very clearly remember when Ryan Tech Son and I back in early November, late October, with this idea of hey, after Christmas, let's do a series on the Song of Songs, there was a little pause, there was no text right away back and finally Sonia like yeah, that sounds good, like this is great.

Then we met each other the next week in the offices and he's like, yeah, I'm really pumped about this, I'm really excited.

I can remember like locking eyes with Sonia and our eyes got really big and we're like, yeah, should be interesting.

Then we got the preaching calendar and Sonia is not on it and her attitude was like this is going to be great, we should really do this.

Thank you, sonia.

Yeah, this is a tough book.

This is a tough book.

I walked into the pageant of Ryan office a couple of weeks ago and said Ryan man, this is a book about poetry.

And it's not just about poetry, but it's about erotic poetry, right, something I didn't know existed or I'd get in trouble if I looked at it, right, like I didn't know.

This was something that's real and this is going to shock you.

You're going to be blown away by this.

I'm not a poetry kind of guy, right.

I remember I memorized Shakespeare Romeo and Juliet in high school, only because I thought girls would dig it, right, like that's, and they didn't.

So, all right, it didn't pan out for me, right?

But I don't know poetry.

I don't get poetry.

If it doesn't start with roses of red, it's not poetry.

If it doesn't rhyme, it's not poetry.

So I asked him, I said what is a guy like me who doesn't understand poetry, who really doesn't understand or like poetry?

What am I supposed to do?

And he looked at me and said yeah, what are you going to do?

I was like that's the question, man.

And so I left and I'm just like what do I do?

I just I read it.

I went and I read Song of Songs, and I went and read it again and I read it again and I read it again, and I can proudly say and stand up here that I do not blush anymore when I read the Song of Songs ever.

It's so many times and it's tough, but the reality is too.

Is man reading scripture is tough, whether it's poetry or an Old Testament book or the Gospels.

It's tough, and so we do our best to understand what's going on here, what's the context of it.

And this passage of scripture spoke to me when I read through it, and there's a particular reason why, and I'm going to share that with you at the very end.

But this piece of scripture really spoke to me, and that's what I want to share with you this morning this passage from Song of Songs, chapter three versus one through five.

And so, being that we're going to look at a book of poetry and the guy giving the message doesn't like poetry, doesn't know a lot about poetry, I think we should pray.

So we pray with me, hell, we follow God.

We give you thanks and praise for this book, this confusing book, one that I think is often overlooked when we talk about your word.

But, lord, that's what this is.

This is your word.

Lord, we believe that the Bible is your word given to us to better understand and know you and know your heart, which means in this book, where the name of God and Yahweh isn't even in it.

We can better understand you and have a stronger relationship with you.

And so that's our prayer this morning as we dive into these few passages that you lead us and guide us into stronger relationships here and a stronger relationship with you.

It's in your name that we pray, amen.

So Song of Songs, chapter three.

You heard it read to you.

But what's happening is this woman wakes up and she realizes that her lover is gone.

There's no one in the bed with her and she panics and has this fear and we're going to talk about that and she gets up in the middle of the night and goes into the street searching for her love and she can't find him anywhere.

She asks the guards.

They can't find him and all of a sudden he appears and at that moment she grabs him tight, does not let him go and brings him back home.

It's a very short poem, it's a very short passage of scripture, but I think there's a lot there and there's a lot of different ways to interpret it and it has been interpreted differently over the years.

The Christian mystic from the 1600s, saint John of the Cross, this man right here, rock and Haircut.

He interprets this as the darkness of the soul, the darkness of the soul, or being separated from God, and pain and the anguish that comes from that separation and the journey back, the separation of the soul.

I love that, but more modern interpretations.

Really, it's a.

I think it's a poem.

Right, it's a poem, it's a poetry, and it's describing a dream that this woman is having, and in her dream she awakens to find her lover gone, and in her dream she goes out.

And it's this amazing story of love and this connection that we can have with one another and this desire for us as humans to love and to be loved.

I love that version too.

So this morning, I think both of these are reverent and clear in this passage.

And so we're gonna talk a little bit about our relationships here and we're gonna talk a little bit about strengthening our relationship with God, because I think that's what's in this passage of Scripture.

I think it's both.

And so verse one talks about loss.

It's up on the screen here.

Song of Songs, 3, verse one says this Upon my bed at night, I sought him, whom my soul loves.

I sought him but found him not.

I called him, but he gave no answer.

She awakens to find her lover gone and immediately has this moment of fear and panic set in.

Now we can understand what this is like when we're dealing with loss right On maybe a minor scale.

How many times we're woken up and we're ready to leave, we can't find our keys, we can't find our wallet, we can't find our cell phone, stuff like this.

Anyone have an idea what this device is right here?

That one, this is an old school air tag system and this was one of the very first gifts that my wife at the time fiance gave me for Christmas.

I remember opening it up but I was like is this some kind of new video game that I'm completely unaware of?

I have no idea what this is.

And she explained to me she's like no, you put these little dots on your keys and your wallet and your cell phone and then you have this remote control and you hit the button and it beeps so you can find things.

And I was like are you subtly telling me that I lose things all the time?

Is this what this is?

This is how we're starting a relationship.

That's exactly what she was doing.

However, this did not help me because I lost the remote within the first week and so shocking, right.

But we have these moments where, man, where's my keys, where's my cell phone, where's this, where's that?

And it brings this quick jolt of panic into our lives, like what am I gonna do?

I don't have my keys, what am I gonna do?

I'm leaving the house, I don't have my cell phone, the satellites won't know where I'm at.

This is horrible.

How are we gonna do this?

We have this moment of panic and we understand that.

But what she's experiencing is so much deeper than this.

It's not just a quick moment of panic, or you can't find this, or you can't find this.

She has woken up and the person who holds her heart, who have a deep relationship, a meaningful mutual relationship with, is gone and missing.

You see, love and sorrow kind of go hand in hand.

You almost can't have one without the other.

Some theologians over the years have said this about love and the fear of losing it.

G Campbell Morgan says this love creates a perpetual dread lest the loved one should be lost.

Or how about this one by Craig Glickman love not only brings a greater experience of joy, but a deeper capacity for pain as well.

A more modern from the 90s theologian put it this way Adam Sandler from the movie the Wedding Singer love stinks Right.

Love made we give our heart away, knowing that some way, somewhere, possibly, we're gonna lose it, but it's worth it because it's this deep, meaningful connection with someone.

We understand this idea of loss.

But this is more than losing these things.

It's this deep connection being lost because love is powerful.

Week one, pastor Ryan talked about love being like fire.

Song of songs, eight verses, six through seven.

It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench rivers cannot wash it away.

If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

This is the type of power that love has over our life and this is the fear that she feels, waking up over this loss, and she is so moved.

The next passage we see is that she immediately gets up and goes.

But I wanna pause here for a second because I think in our world today this is what we assume that we have to do when we're dealing with loss and when we're dealing with hurt and pain and grief.

I think the world tells us man, just all right, do your thing, pull up your bootstraps and kind of keep going, keep going on with life.

And that's not what God tells us, because sometimes in this loss and this is any kind of loss, it can be loss of a loved one, a loss of a relationship, a loss of a job we deal with many different ways of loss and God says listen, take a moment, take a moment and be at peace.

Listen to these Bible verses.

Psalm 147, verse three, says this he heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

How about this one?

When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him and he was deeply troubled.

Where have you put him?

He asked them.

They told him Lord, come and see.

Then Jesus wept.

This is the passage where we're talking about Lazarus and Mary and all the friends fighting out that Lazarus was dead and going to Jesus, and they are incredibly sad.

They have a great loss in their life.

When we get the shortest verse in Scripture Jesus wept and we often view it as man Lazarus was Jesus' friend.

Right, he's weeping because he's losing his friend, but that's not what Scripture tells us.

He says that when he saw people weeping and wailing, when he sees the loss that Mary is dealing with and the friends of Lazarus and the family of Lazarus that they're dealing with the loss, that's what brings Jesus to tears.

You see, we have a God who knows what it's like to deal with loss.

We also have a God who says be in me during those times.

Listen to this verse from Matthew Matthew 11, 28 through 29.

Then Jesus said come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Hear Jesus say this to you today.

If you are dealing with any kind of loss and you feel like you have to just keep moving on and go to the next thing and go out and searching for whatever is next, he says just stop, rest, find peace in me.

Some of us need to hear that it's okay to rest and to mourn and grief for days, weeks.

Some of us man, there are losses so deep that it's a lifetime.

But it's a lifetime of this.

It's a lifetime of being in the arms of God and finding rest and peace there.

My wife and I, we were married nine years ago, almost this June, and I remember our very first year of marriage it was October and a certain day in October, being married for only four months.

I was coming home from work and I was just probably the darkest place I've ever been in my whole life and in the marriage I was blessed with being the stepdad of two amazing kids and I had known them prior to getting married, but really this was our first four years of being a family, or four months of being a family.

And today I stand before you being a guy who loves hugging his children right Like I came from a family where we didn't really hug Like family reunions, a bunch of high fives maybe, how you doing kind of thing, right Like we were not touchy-feely kind of people.

Now I'll hug a stranger on the street, let's go right Like being a dad changes you, but I'm not a huggy, touchy kind of feeling guy.

And I came home just feeling rotten, completely rotten about myself, and I had lost something, and what I had lost was all hope Because of some stupid things that I had made, some decisions that I had made.

That put my family at risk and put a dark place in my life.

And I came home and I had a reclining chair that I always sat in and I sat in my chair.

My wife could tell me that something was wrong and out of nowhere, my stepson who is about five or six years old this time, who we've been a family for just four months and I probably hugged him for a picture at the wedding came over, got in the chair and laid on my chest and hugged me.

This is not normal behavior and I just sat there and it's everything that I needed in that moment, because it's okay to sit and deal with loss and grief and be sad, because you rest with God.

There's no other explanation than God being in that moment and using my son to do that, none.

But if we don't sit and mourn that loss before we move on to the other piece, before we start searching for what's next, we miss this amazing opportunity by God.

So, loss, take time to grieve and to mourn and then, when you're ready, start that move.

And that's what she does.

She doesn't wait right.

She wakes up and she has this fear and this panic and her immediate response is to get up, get out of bed and go and search, right.

And now, this is a poem, this is poetry.

But even in this this has some cultural implications.

It's the middle of the night, she's a woman and she goes to the street searching for her love.

It says this I will rise now and go about the city.

In the streets and in the squares, I will seek him, whom my soul loves, which is also how she refers to him throughout this poem.

I sought him but found him not.

The sentinels found me as they went about the city.

Have you seen him, whom my soul loves?

She gets up in the middle of the night to go and search for her love.

This is dangerous, this is risky.

She is doing something completely out of the norm, out of the cultural okayness, to go and find.

She's compelled to leave and go and find her love.

We understand this.

We will do, we will stop at nothing to find those who we love.

Right, my son Arlo.

He is seven years old now, but when he was three, my two older kids and Arlo, we were at Walmart.

And Walmart, to a three-year-old man is the world right?

It's just ginormous.

It's filled with wonder and he's in the cart, you know, corral.

And he's like, can I get out and walk?

And I'm like, well, yes, but you know, stay with your big brother and sister and all that kind of stuff.

So I set him out and I started looking at clothes and the clothes rack.

And only a minute goes by and I look up and I said where's Arlo?

And the big kids are like we don't know.

And I said well, it's obviously your responsibility, it's not mine, yours, you know.

And I'm like where is he?

And so you know, you've seen this before in stores where like parents kind of like where's my kids?

And they're like Arlo, like they're whispering because they don't want to draw attention.

So I'm like Arlo, you know Arlo.

Well, no response.

So it's like Arlo, arlo.

And now I'm starting to freak out, I'm like throwing people.

I'm like Arlo, where are you?

I used to work at Walmart, so I know how the phone system works.

So I picked up the phone and I was about to hit the intercom and be like Arlo, come to your father, right, he's lost in this wonderland of Walmart.

And the moment I had the phone out pops three-year-old Arlo from a clothes rack and he said I won, what are you talking about we were playing high and go seek.

No, we weren't.

You were playing hide.

You have to have two people.

Without the other person, it's just hide.

I was so angry but I was so relieved that he was there.

I just picked him in the cart and I'm like you're in big trouble but I love you so much.

You know we will do anything, go to the ends of the earth for people who are lost, that we love, and to search and find them.

We will do this.

We know what this is like.

This is what God does for us every single moment of our life.

He searches out the lost and brings them back.

We know this feeling and we do it for little things.

We will go to extremes for little things in our life.

Look at this picture here.

That is a picture of the new iPhone being released.

Those people have been there for hours, if not days.

What did they risk?

What did they give up to get an iPhone two weeks earlier than anyone else?

Now I know one of you guys are like man.

I hope you can't see me in that picture right there.

What did they give up for an iPhone?

How about this picture?

Let me explain.

This is Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Anyone recognize him?

All right, more than the first time.

All right, this is great.

I will tell you, if we gave you all a quarter for every time that Pastor Ryan meant a Chipotle I mentioned Jean-Claude Van Damme, or Sonia mentions her granddaughter you would all be very wealthy, right?

So Jean-Claude Van Damme, he's like my idol man when I was in high school.

I remember, while you were in middle school, I saw Bloodsport when I was in middle school with my dad.

I'm like this guy's awesome and I just watched all of his movies all the time.

Jean-claude Van Damme, when I was a senior in high school, was coming to Mall of America to promote his new movie, knock Off, which me and my dad saw right Probably the only people, but it was great and I'm like I gotta go.

This is my opportunity to meet him.

You couldn't meet him.

He's gonna sign stuff and all that.

And I was so excited and I went to my mom.

I'm like, mom, it's on a Friday, I know it's school, but is it okay if I skip school?

And I'm like she's gonna totally let me go.

She knows how I love Jean-Claude.

She's like, of course you can't Like what are you talking about.

This is the once in a lifetime.

She's like no, you're not going to meet Jean-Claude.

She can't pronounce his name, which is horrible, but I'm like I have to go.

It's like you're not going and I'm like I have to go.

So I convinced my buddy, mike.

I said, mike, skip school with me and let's go see Jean-Claude Van Damme.

And he's like who?

And I'm like, shut up man, jean-claude Van Damme.

And so I convinced him.

We lied to our parents, we skipped school and we're at Mall of America at 6.30.

It's me, him and a bunch of silver sneakers.

Right, I need to get into the Mall of America to start their walk-in.

And I go to Planet Hollywood.

I'm the first in line for a five hour wait and I wait.

I've got my VHS, I got my movie posters to have him sign and I wait and I wait.

And it's a little awkward because the line's not growing.

It's like me and like two other people.

Five hours, we wait and he never shows.

Yeah, so, jean-claude, if you're watching Elk River, I'll buy you a burrito.

Come on, hang out.

Man Never showed.

But I was willing to get in trouble with my parents, to miss school, to hurt relationships, to go and meet Jean-Claude Van Damme.

We do this, we risk a lot for little things.

And my question is and the thing that really hit my heart was am I willing to risk things for my relationship with God or do I treat my relationship with God as a convenient for me relationship?

I wanna hang out with God when it's convenient for me.

I wanna spend time with God when it's convenient for me.

I was really convicted by that, because for me that's kind of what it was for a while and still is sometimes.

How many times not never at this church, but at other churches we'd go and be like man, the pastor's going like 15 minutes late, the game's on 10 minutes.

We gotta get going.

We do that.

We treat our relationship with God as a relationship of convenience and it's not just about coming to worship and reading the Bible, being in small groups.

All those things are great and fantastic.

But he's not asking that of you.

Those are things that we can do to grow and love and knowledge of the Lord.

But he's not looking for things that you do, he's just looking to be with you, these things that you love, whether it's 80s action movies or baseball or whatever it is whatever the things that you love.

He just wants to be a part of it with you.

But we get so caught up in these other things, maybe in other relationships, that a relationship with God becomes a relationship of convenience and not of that urgency Of that.

I will find him and search for him, no matter what.

What can we do?

What can we change to create that passion in our life for our God and our Creator?

So she searches, she's willing to risk it all and she finds him.

Here, in chapter 3, verse 4, it says this this is recovery.

Scarcely had I passed them.

When I found him, whom my soul loves, I held him and would not let him go until I brought him into my mother's house and into the chamber of her that conceived me.

I held him and would not let him go.

This is the part where I'm like this is definitely a dream, because you know that guy got a earful on the way home, like where have you been Right?

But she finds him After this, waking up this fear and anxiety and worry, she goes, she throws caution to the wind, she goes and searches and risks and she finds him and she's not going to let him go and they're together and we have this beautiful cycle of relationship here at recovery.

Now, sometimes recovery and relationships look different for all of us because sometimes to reach this recovery point it means maybe having to ask forgiveness for something.

It means maybe having to be forgiven for something.

It means showing compassion to someone.

It means mending that relationship to get it to that point where they're not going to let each other go.

I'm going to close with this story about recovery, and I told you there was a reason why I really connected with this, and this is the real reason.

I have a reoccurring dream guaranteed.

It happens about once a month, if not more.

Now the dream may look different, but the gist of it is every time I dream that my wife leaves me and it's awful, awful.

Normally my dreams I'm the hero right, I can take on 10, 20 guys, save the day, no problem.

That's my normal dreams.

But then this one haunts me and she leaves me in different circumstances every time and it's so real and so potent that I wake up and I'm sick in my stomach and immediately I go over and I put my arm around her and I pull her tight to remind me that she's still there.

And my wife knows that this dream happens quite a bit and no words are spoken.

She just grabs my arm and holds on tight.

See, I know what this feeling is like man to wake up and to feel that that person you love is gone and that desire to recover that and hold on tight.

I know what that's like.

Maybe you know what that's like.

Some of you might be sitting there like, hey, I analyzed dream for a living and I can really help you with this and we could really get this dream to stop and I'd say no, thank you.

And this is why I'd say that, because, as much as the pit in my stomach I get every time I have that dream, it's a reminder.

It's a reminder of what I have.

It's a reminder of love and the power of it.

When you have it with another person who loves you, just like that, it's a reminder for that relationship that I never want to let that go.

And it's a reminder for me that that's a relationship that this God, this Creator, wants with me.

Me, ben of Zimmerman, right, this Creator wants that type of relationship with me and he wants to pull me in tight and hold on to my arms and never let me go.

He desires that.

It's a reminder for me to desire Him.

So, central Lutheran Church.

Song of Songs, erotic Poetry.

Who knew?

But maybe today, maybe the point of today, is that word reminder.

It's a reminder of the relationships you have with the people in the pew, with you, and maybe today you hold that hand a little bit extra and you go hold your kids a little bit tighter.

After this I'm going to see a movie with my dad and, like I said, man, we don't hug, and I'm like I'm going to hug my dad today.

So, dad, if you're watching, you better get ready.

I'm coming and maybe it's a reminder for you to hold on to God and never let go.

Amen.