Ep 471 | Building A Culture Of Safe Confession - Jonathan Edwards 11/19/22

Wonderful to see you tonight. I'm thankful to have everybody

here so we can study the Bible together once again, and I've

been really encouraged by the singing tonight.

It has been very healthy for me to lift up the name of the Lord

in these songs. To thank the Lord.

For all he's done. We serve an awesome God, and

it's just a privilege to be his child, right?

There's so many times. Just little things and the fact

that God commanded us to sing what a pleasure, it is to obey

that command whether you like singing or not, it's not what

I'm about. But the fact that we get to do

it something together, we're all teaching each other.

How great God is? What a blessing.

It made me think about as we were singing and how we get to

do this together. A scripture that I hope can help

introduce this idea and why I think this is so important and

that is First John chapter 4 verse let's do 19 through 21 so

1 John 4 · chapter mention

if you have a few Bible it's on page 1868.

And first, John chapter 4, verse 19 through 21.

John 4:19–21

And this is what that scripture says.

We love him. Because he first loved us.

If someone says I love God and hates his brother, he's a liar.

For he who does not love his brother, whom he has seen.

How can he love God when he's not sing?

And this commandment we have from him that he who loves God

must love his brother. Also You know, that scripture

there is a kind of a catalyst for several the sermons I've

presented throughout this series of studies we've had and that is

asking you all to be introspective about your

relationships among this congregation.

And to think about one another and how you can help each other

with Doctrine, right? That's what we talked about them

on Wednesday, right? And how we can help each other

to overcome doubt, like what we talked about last night and I

think a follow up to last night about overcoming doubt is to

build a culture where we feel comfortable and safe to confess.

And if the church is not a place where that happens, Brothers and

sisters, our members will find somewhere where they can.

Whether that be for younger, Folks, at school, for those who

work with their workmates neighbors family, that maybe

aren't Believers. What I'm saying, is we naturally

will find people that we get along with that.

We feel comfortable with and we'll start to Bear our soul to

them. How strange that God's people

would feel uncomfortable to Bear their heart with other

Christians and feel more comfortable to do it with people

in the world. Now, here is the, the study

outline and many of you have already had the chance to snap

this QR code. If you don't know how to snap a

qr-code, I'm I'm sorry. But you'll probably have to wait

till after services to figure it out, but it's up there and all

this will be Is the PowerPoint on your phone so you can follow

along. If I go too quickly, you can

have it for additional study later on every time I presented

this topic, I've had people come up and say oh that was just too

much too much content. So I've broken it into multiple

sermons, it didn't work. I put it back into one.

So I'm just going to let you study on your pace.

If I go too quickly tonight we're going to briefly look at

an exposition or an overview of James chapter 5 verse 13 through

James 5:13–16

16. This is The scripture that I

think is essential to understand about why we need to build a

culture and our local Congregation of safe confession.

Then we'll talk about the that idea of safety and ask this

question, why do we need it, you know, safety that sounds like

something that those snowflakes need, right?

They want their safe space and they just can't handle the real

world. And yet, I think what we'll find

is the Bible does talk about there is value in this concept

of safety. We need to figure out how to

Build it internally so that we are comfortable with who we are.

We feel a sense of peace with what God has given us and when

we had trauma in our life, so whether you have experienced

some sort of physical, emotional sexual abuse, and there is just

a lack of safety because of those events.

I want you to know that you can overcome for the power of God,

and you can find that safety. Again, also, as a congregation

we should talk about how How to build it relationally.

And then finally, we'll do a case study on what safety looks

like in a project and one of The Parables of Jesus Christ.

So let's begin. James chapter 5 13 through 16.

James 5 · chapter mention

I will present this as a section on how to not grow weary.

Now the premise that we often hear about is prayer They are

connected but how I'm going to present this is, this is a

how-to guide of not to grow weary and lose heart.

So for me, I outlining is a very helpful way to study.

I'd like to show you this scripture as an outline and then

read it. So, instead of reading it as a

block paragraph, consider, this outline that I now have on the

board. Then it says, is anyone among

you suffering? Let him pray.

Is anyone among you? A cheerful.

Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick?

Let him call for the Elders of the church and let them before I

read it. I just want to emphasize with

you as we've read. Hopefully, you have visually

seen. There's three questions, right?

Three questions that he then answers and this third question,

takes a little bit more time to answer is anyone among you sick,

let him call the Elders of the church and let them do two

things. Pray for him and anointing him.

Oil in the name of the Lord, and then it describes what that

process does, the prayer of faith will save.

The one who's sick and the Lord will raise him up.

And if he's committed sins, he will be forgiven therefore based

on these questions and their answers.

Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one

another that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man

has great power as it is working.

Let's take a few minutes to break this outline down and

consider. James has questions the first

section that we'll look at is how we strive personally

internally how we strive to not grow weary and he asks each of

us. These two questions are any of

you suffering and are any of you cheerful.

And I want to visualize this on a spectrum because James uses

Greek words that represent the farthest of far.

The are you in the lowest of lows?

Or are you in the highest of highs?

And this emotional experience that you're going through as you

go through life? As tribulation comes as trial

comes as good times, come as Joy comes, you're going to find

yourself in the lowest of lows and in the highest of highs.

What do we do in the lowest of lows and the highest of highs we

could look back and we should pray when we're suffering and

were cheerful, we should be singing praises, right?

That's this is how we're to not grow weary now, I want to

emphasize for just a moment because it's just in the back of

my mind in our culture and especially our church culture,

that a lot of times the emotional experience.

Gets relegated to the bottom because it's not truth, right?

And so we say things, like when it comes to interpreting the

Bible, your emotions don't matter, the truth matters.

And I agree with how there is objective truth that all of us

are intended to follow. But I would also like to share

with you that God's way includes the emotional experience and

that we need to make room for the emotional experience.

Because emotions are Valid Psalm 147 verse 3 talking about God,

Psalms 147:3

he heals the Brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

God cares. When we are in distress, God

cares. When we are on the top of the

world he wants us to mourn when others are morning as the book

of Romans says he wants us to rejoice when others are

rejoicing. And I don't have time to go into

all of this. That this is an emotional wheel.

We use this in therapy a lot, especially with men, no offense

men, but culturally were not really trained on how to do

anything other than to be mad sad, and glad right?

Kind of grunt our way through those emotions.

And what I went through therapy training, I was sad mad and glad

and they're asking me, but, but you've got to be able to help

your clients experience deeper richer emotions.

And I was going, he said me, man.

So this emotional experience that people have often times put

on these beautiful colored spectrums.

It's important for us to see that Jesus experienced a wide

range of emotions and it's healthy and appropriate that we

can too. Now, I'm not interested in you

manufacturing, fake emotions or fake experiences are forcing

things because you feel like that's what others want you to

do. I'm just trying to make space

for the emotional experience. Now let's look at this.

This middle section right here. We have a couple of answers to

questions about how we personally strive, not to grow

weary. We're going to be praying.

We're going to be singing. That's not the only answers but

it's ones that are good enough that James put it in the Bible.

The here's the second section and that's about what to do when

we're still weary. So let's say, for a time, you've

been in the lowest of lows and so you've been praying and

you've been praying You've been praying and it's just not

working. You're just so low that you

can't get out of it. Well, thankfully, this section

is put here to help us appreciate that.

You're supposed to interact with others.

You interact with others. So he says, is any of you sick,

let him call on the Elders of the church and let them do two

things, pray over him anointing with oil in the name of the

Lord. Now it's not the intention of

this sermon to go deep down into the weeds of what it means to be

anointed in the name of the Lord, I will have a slide to

show you the weeds, but I'm going to ask you to look on that

on your phone or on your smart device later on on your own in

great detail. Here's the the point that I'll

be making the words sick in this area of scripture.

Contextually are talking about being weary and a better

translation would be is anyone among you weary let him call for

the Elders of the church and let them pray over him.

Anointing him with oil, in the name of the Lord, and the prayer

of faith will save. The one who's weary the Lord

will raise him up and if he's committed sins, he will be

forgiven. And why this makes more sense

with weary is because sickness is not directly tied to sin as

far as did you get cancer? Well, that's because you lied 12

years ago and the Lord remembered it and he threw that

cancer into you because that's the price you get to pay.

That's not the kind of God we serve if however, as I'm

presenting it is weariness, there is weariness.

That's associated with an emotional experience, but

there's also weariness associated with Sim and there

are times when I may be sad, glad or mad, just because life

has me down. And they're signed, there's

times when I'm mad or I'm sad because I brought this on

myself, sin has consequences, you get a DUI, there's

consequences to getting a DUI. Right, that we understand that

legally, we should understand it, spiritually as well.

Now here is the briefest of brief talking about the views.

There are people who think that we literally should anoint with

oil and their explanation is this.

Here are my objections to that claim.

But thirdly, what, I'll ask you to consider on your own as

spiritually. It's talking about weariness.

Here's the reasons why. And here's what someone might

have an objection about Now briefly.

We have things we can do on our own, we have things that others

can do for us. So here's the conclusion

therefore you are asked to confess your sins to one another

that's one form of weariness and you pray for one another, that's

another form of weariness to overcome that.

You may be healed, the prayer of a righteous person has great

power as it is working. So what I want you to do is to

remember that there are two types Soooo of weariness, we've

got one type that is sin based and we've got another type.

That is simply emotional based and we do not grow weary

according to James 5, when we talk about it, Right.

So there's going to be times when you talk about your sin

problems and you're confessing to someone that you trust.

I need help. Maybe I have an addiction issue.

Maybe I have a behavioral issue. Maybe I have an anger issue,

whatever it is, we're confessing sin.

There's other times, when instead of at the back door,

when you see each other at Services, you know, I don't know

what the number one question that a Christian as a Christian.

How you doing? And it's not a question.

It's really a statement and you know it's saying hello.

And if one were to say how you doing?

And the other says, well I'll tell you man, it's been a hard

hard week and I am just, I can't sometimes we're going.

I just ask you how you're doing. I want to know that I'm not

interested, right? The English language is bizarre

sometimes. And what I would challenge us

with is that when we're asking how you doing, you really should

ask, how are you doing? So that someone feels safe

enough to say it's been Been a hard week and I've been down

here and I can't figure out how to get out of it.

Okay. So when those people get to that

last little row and they're down there at the doldrums then how

do we help them get out of that we re experience.

So that's the first part of our study.

Hopefully now we feel better about James 5 and we know that

there's some valuable teaching there that says that we're

supposed to confess our sins to one another, we're going to pray

for one another. The prayers of a righteous

person availeth much, but let's talk about safety and why that

word is very important in this conversation.

Did you know that the word safety or safe in the Bible that

we see in English? Actually comes from several

Greek and Hebrew words in the Old and New Testament and they

paint a beautiful picture of what it means to be safe.

Now, we use that word sometimes casually, right?

Like Somebody's running to first base and they're safe, they made

it right as we with our kids, when we play hide-and-seek and

they are running to get to the couch before dad's chasing them

down, they're diving through the air in there, safe, right in the

Bible, you can look these up and Hebrew and in Greek many times,

they'll translate into English as safe.

But other synonyms are that that we're secure, right?

That we're at peace. That we've escaped from some

great problem that there was Deliverance and someone has

broke free, that there's Refuge, we've run into the Lord, he's a

strong tower. As the Bible says in Proverbs

Proverbs 18:10

18:10, the righteous run into him and they are safe.

In Luke 15. 27 is we're going to talk about later the scriptures

will call and safe and sound whenever they come home.

And that safe and sound is talking about about a wellness.

And I love how it's used in first John or rather, second

2 John 1 · chapter mention

John chapter 1, where it talks about, how we are to be of sound

mind. So mental health, emotional

well-being. These things are biblically

based, we are to be of sound mind safe in the mind.

Safe, that we've been rescued safe, like an anchor.

That is sure in the middle of a storm.

The boat can drop its anchor, and it's safe, even though the

winds are crashing all over it. It so it's easy, maybe to listen

to the news and listen, sometimes I can be guilty of it

as well and we hear people use a word say well, this is my safe

space so we just go poof. What a Nancy for thinking that

they need to be safe. We don't need to be safe.

We do, we really do. We need to feel comfortable

enough to talk to someone that we feel safe with who in the

Bible would be a good example of someone who felt safe Apostle

Paul. And I'm going to show you a

scripture here where he talks about himself and I'm going to

ask this question at the bottom. How was Paul able to confess

this? Now I've emphasized some words.

Hopefully, we can read it. It says As and I thank Christ

Jesus. Our lord who has enabled me

because he counted me faithful putting me into the ministry.

Although I was formerly a blasphemer.

A persecutor and insolent man. But I obtained Mercy because I

did it, ignorantly in unbelief and the grace of our Lord was

exceedingly abundant with faith and love which are in Christ

Jesus. This is a faithful saying and

worthy of all acceptance that Christ Jesus came into the sent

into the world, to save Sinners of whom.

I am chief. How is he able to talk so freely

about that. And here's a guy that is a

blasphemer, a persecutor an insolent, man.

Some might call him a murderer, putting Christians, in jail.

And and if they were then executed later that he could

have all sorts of things and yet, here he is just kind of

broadcasting it freely. By the way, this is what I was,

and I'm the chief of Sinners. I'm the worst of Sinners and I

would suggest that Paul was safe.

Take all those words that we used and biblically the way that

they are used, we could say he was safe and his relationship

with his Lord. Meaning he felt comfortable to

bring this to the master, but he also felt comfortable and

talking about it with his Brethren.

Notice what he says? Jesus enabled me.

Jesus counted me. Faithful, Jesus.

Put me into a Ministry. And therefore I obtained mercy

and Jesus, Grace was exceedingly, abundant and Jesus

saves Sinners. I'm the chief And so, I obtained

Mercy. He felt comfortable in this and

he wants us to feel comfortable in it too.

Because he says, however, for this reason, I obtained Mercy

that in me first, Jesus Christ might show all long suffering as

a pattern to those who are going to believe on him for

everlasting life. Paul is intended to be a pattern

where you and me. Should be like him.

And we can talk about what we used to be.

We can talk about what we are presently struggling with.

Now we're not going to, you know, celebrate the sin.

That's not what it's about. But it is about talking about

how we used to be one way and then the Lord has done some

wonderful work in our life and now we're different or the Lord

is trying to work through us. But man were just having a

really hard time and we need help to get through it.

Now at this point in the sermon, as we go on to the next Point,

I've had several people naturally fall into one of two

groups, you're either really ready to help.

You're like let sit on the safe person and I'm ready to go.

Find those people that don't feel safe.

I'm going to make them or you're the person is about ready to get

out of here and say, this is way beyond my comfort zone.

Nobody here knows what I've done.

Nobody knows what my life is like and I do Don't know if I

want to talk about it and so the best illustration I've ever

found is this. Eva.

It's ostrich, chasing a zebra giraffe, screaming.

Let me help you. And so happens in the church.

We get so zealous to want to help others.

Sometimes we forget that, maybe they're not where we are in this

emotional process. I remember one time I had a dear

friend that I gave a sermon very similar to this and I encourage

the church to, you know, get to know each.

Each other and get to know each other about the parts of their

life that maybe they're not ready to share.

And he said, he had come someone come up to him after that,

sermon who had never spent time with him other than a, hey, how

are you? And the very first question that

they asked was tell me about your sister who has it been

faithful for the past 10 years and he was just not ready to

have that conversation. It wasn't he wasn't safe.

Now that other person felt very safe.

I am. This person was probably

thinking I'm totally safe and I'm a safe person and so I'll be

able to ask him this question. So this is why I'm going to have

a few of these thoughts just to remind you.

It's okay if you're not quite there yet or maybe if you're

overzealous, that's okay too. Now I want you two to know at

this moment in the sermon. It's okay.

If you don't feel safe and it's okay to not understand others in

the moment. So maybe you're just totally

their butts. What else in the congregation

isn't it's okay to not want to open up to everyone.

Right. It's okay.

If someone doesn't want to open up to you, that's important.

Especially if you're a helper type of person and you're

insulted or offended. If somebody doesn't want to talk

to you about their problem, this is kind of a tricky sentence.

It's okay, if you're not someone elses safe person.

Even though you feel safe with them.

So, I've seen this happen among friends where one friend thinks

the other is their best friend, and they're just going to pour

out their heart to them, whereas the other person wasn't ready

for that. It's okay to want this safety

that you see in others, and it's okay, if it takes more time than

you expected. So, let's just take a breath.

As we jump into this third part of the study, and that is

talking about what's going on in your heart, how to build

internal safety. Now, this is from a training

seminar that I went to and I know this is very small but it

says, how can I Come more secure a grounded theory of earning

secure attachment Biola. Why?

I don't even know how to say that, oh, aloof for w a and Fife

schleiden and winning. And so this was at the Texans

annual marriage, and family therapy conference.

And as they were giving this presentation about research,

they've done on how to build safety within a person I thought

You stole that from the Bible? I know you stole from me.

You're going to say that that's this therapy thing but I know

you did. So I took the pleasure of

capturing it back for the Bible even though they might not claim

it comes from there. So we're going to look at an

illustration in the form of a house.

I have had some experience with home renovation but please do

not base this house and the way it's constructed off of sound

practices that we have in the real world but we're going to

start with this concept. What happens when you're here

and sin and weariness is beating down on you and you've got to

build this internal safety so that you can talk to someone.

You know, maybe you're afraid to talk to somebody in this place

because you're afraid they won't know what I've been through.

They will judge me. They will look down on me.

Now, I can say all day long. No, they won't.

But until you feel safe, it's going to be hard for you to

overcome that. So, here is a research backed

method. You build internal safety that I

think is biblically based and here's the roof and notice, I

started with the roof. You never start with the roof

when you build a house. However, there are internal

changes and there are relational changes that will shelter you

from the storm. So the question is, how do we

build these internal changes? And how do we build relational

changes? So, now, we'll start down at the

bottom with the foundation and this is the foundation to build

safety coming from Romans chapter 12.

Romans 12 · chapter mention

L've verse 1 and 2 which says we are to be transformed by the

renewing of our minds. So that's a command.

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

And the same way that communion is a command that our worship,

the items in it are commanded. Transformation is a command

mental renewal. Well, how do we do that?

How do we transform our minds? I'm going to show you four

research-based ways that people have come to feel safe.

Number one, people state by being intentional today.

I'm going to do x y z to try to build a little safety.

And I like, what Colossians 3:1 says, set your mind on things

Colossians 3:1

above. Not on things of this world, so

am I? Set is healthy and necessary to

build safety and overcome trauma in your heart.

Number to overcome setbacks, meaning you will take a risk and

somebody might let you down, Bible says in John, 16:33 in

this world, you will have troubles, but be of good cheer.

I have overcome the world and friends.

If you have a mindset where you're going to say, I'm going

to take a risk but kind of like I said, last night this Person

that I'm going to take a risk with this.

Isn't my Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ is, and this person

may let me down. So I got to remember that they

might let me down, Jesus doesn't let me down, but this person

might having that in your heart is helpful.

Number three, having surrogate attachment.

So we might call this an adopted or chosen family and the Bible's

full of surrogate attachments. You could write down if you're

taking notes in Ruth 1:15. This Young foreign woman, her

Ruth 1:15

husband dies. The family is pretty much wiped

out, except for her mother-in-law, right?

But her husband's gone. So she could just go back to her

people. But she tells this woman that

she's not really related to anymore, but she decides she's

going to go with her. She says your people.

They're going to be my people, your God is going to be my God.

And so this young woman Ruth has a surrogate attachment to Naomi

in Romans, chapter 16. Verse 15.

Romans 16 · chapter mention

The Apostle Paul says greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord and

greet, his mother and mine and it's one little thought and I

wish I could expand it so much more than this.

But Paul look to this woman like a mother.

So, my question for you all is, do you have people in the church

whom you look to and they're like a brother to you, like a

sister to you, like a mom, like a dad, a spiritual family, like

this is what we're supposed to be.

Galatians chapter 3 talks about how when we are baptized into

Galatians 3 · chapter mention

Christ. What we all put on him through

baptism, and there's no longer Jew nor Greek slave nor free nor

male or female but we're all one in Christ.

We are a surrogate family and that's research base.

So this is why I'm saying, I think they stole it from the

Bible number for therapy and education.

Proverbs chapter 20 verse 5 says that a the heart of a man is

Proverbs 20:5

like a deep. Well, But a man of understanding

can draw it out and so I do think it is healthy and helpful

to reach out to others who have training to help you overcome

traumatic experiences. So now that we've got the

foundation, let's build the walls of internal changes and

relational changes so we can look at this research based

method of an internal change and that is to relinquish the victim

mentality. Now I don't say that in like an

insulting way like oh you're Just a victim and get over it

because sometimes you've been through the ringer but the Bible

suggests and research suggests that if we put on the mindset,

this, I'm more than this. I'm not going to have a name tag

for about the rest of my life. That says, this is how I'm

identified as by this trauma, I will put that down and put on

something else that you were able to overcome that trauma

quicker. Philippians 4:13 says, I can do

Philippians 4:13

all things through Christ. Who strengthens me a second,

step is to redefine, one's identity and work.

So by taking off a victim mentality and putting on, in

this context, putting on Christ Putting on his identity, I love

what John 8:36 says. So who the sun sets free is free

John 8:36

indeed, and one of my favorite songs, I don't know if it's in

this folder or not, but it's, that's the how the chorus goes,

who the sun sets free is free, indeed.

And then we all sing together. I'm a Child of God.

Yes, I am. I love that phrase.

I love saying it, with my brothers and sisters, what we're

all calling out together. This new identity.

This new worth, where it doesn't matter, what I used to be, and

what I used to do. I'm not I'm not measured by that

anymore, I measured by Jesus and he says, I'm a child of God and

so what else can I declare bait? Yes, I am.

So this is how we construct internal changes towards safety.

It takes time. And while we're doing that,

research also suggests that you must make relational changes.

You can't be an Island by yourself.

And so we are to do our best to make peace with the past, what

some call the family of origin. And so, if there's abuse in the

family that you grew up with, if there's poor relationships with

friends in your past part of your life, then we are to try

our best to make peace with it. And I want to read Romans 12

Romans 12:17

verse 17. It says if it is possible as far

as it depends on you live at peace with everyone, it's

important. Remember this you might want

Want to make peace with someone else but they might not want to

make peace with you and it's not your job to make them make peace

with you. Remember, if you're the ostrich

you let me help you, right? We can't force someone into a

relationship but I love how the scripture says as much as it's

possible with you. Meaning you have a job to do and

that's to try To do your best to make peace.

And finally, we take small risks of trust and as James 5:16 says,

James 5:16

which is a command confess your sins, to one another.

This is when you take a risk with somebody at church and you

find someone whom you may be are close to or you feel like

they're a safe person and you're able to say, hey, can we get a

cup of coffee? So, I want to talk about and

that cup of coffee at whatever place here in town or if you

don't like coffee get Whatever, I don't care.

The point is, you're going to spend some time and it's going

to take time. This isn't something you talk

about 30 seconds and you say, great talk and walk away.

You might need to take an hour or two or three and that's

small. Risk built on making peace with

your past leads to relational changes.

And these are research-based methods that we can grow

stronger inside. One of my favorite verses that

I'm going to close with on this section is First John chapter 3,

1 John 3:19

verse 19 and 20, and it says by this We know that we are of the

truth and shall assure our hearts before him.

For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart

and he knows all things. As I have learned when it comes

to people who've been through trauma or of had past

experiences, a lot of guilt there.

The whole lot of self-doubt and inability to let go of that

past. And one of the things about this

scripture is to remind these people as they're building this

house. God.

Greater than your heart. And so, when you're having

trouble building it remember, God is greater, he knows all

things and he is able to help you overcome.

Now, there's a book called safe. People wouldn't, you know it and

these psychologists list the characteristics of someone who

is safe and someone who's not safe.

And I'm just going to we're going to plow through it in 30

seconds, okay? They believe a safe person is

somebody who's honest and gentle and Wrecked humble and

self-aware able to listen and receive the truth.

They act on the needs and they don't just hear they grow and

work towards personal Improvement and then unsafe

people are dishonest and defensive they withdraw or

Stonewall they manipulate they flatter.

But they do not confront with truth, they may apologize.

They don't change their behavior and they lack personal insight

and awareness. But you know, what's better than

a book is the Bible Bible the Bible, I think summarizes it

this way love suffers long and is kind love does not.

Envy does not parade itself. It is not puffed up.

Does not behave rudely, this not seek its own is not provoked

thinks. No evil does not rejoice in

iniquity, love rejoices in the truth Bears.

All things believes all things, hopes, all things endures, all

things, love, never fails. Al's.

So as we're building safety, here, we are at this last slide

as we're building safety. We got to remember that a safe

person is able to take on a lot of these character traits, and

then be aware. That sometimes there's some

false character traits that we try to put on.

For example, this one flattery but does not confront with

truth. We think we're safe.

When we just kind of let someone do whatever, that's not a safe

person. Safe person is going to

challenge somebody to Truth. Okay, here we are very quickly

how to build congregational safety.

So, now, let's start talking about this group of people here.

How do you work together towards making this a safe space?

It's important to remember that a church is made up of various

types of relationships and a question that you might be

asking. And if not, I want you to ask

it, with me is, am I supposed to be this to have this deeply

personal and vulnerable relationship with everyone?

Here. Well, I think that's an ideal

that we want to strive for, but I want you to just take a deep

breath and think to yourself, I don't have to be that close with

every single member, why not? You might be a little bit upset,

why not? I thought I was supposed to be

close with everyone. Well, I'm going to use Jesus as

the example, okay? And I want you to consider that

Jesus had various types of interactions and relationships

with his followers. Jesus had a multitude.

That would be like his public interactions.

Jesus had the 12, which is an Outer Circle.

That's what I'm going to call an Outer Circle of Friends of

safety. Then he had the three Peter

James, and John and these three. They got to spend time with him

in ways that no one else did. They got to see special Miracles

that no one else saw. And even when they went to pray,

he went a little farther with Peter James and John before he

went off to Pray by himself. But you know, Jesus also had a

long time. And I Define that as a healthy

personal form of safety, where we have a boundary to say, you

know what, I need to kind of recharge right now before we

have this conversation, my question is in which of these

was Jesus, not his authentic self.

And I would say, Jesus was authentic and every single

scenario. He may have acted differently

with the multitude than he did with his and her 3, and the same

way that we might interact with each other differently at a

church lunch, or after services. And there's a lot of people, a

lot of conversations, kind of loud, and maybe it's a little

overwhelming, that's probably not the best time to be

vulnerable. And so it's okay to not have

that deep connection with everyone.

But here's my question. Who's your three?

Do you have a theory? And I do think it's a flexible

number. You could have one or two or

three or four. Like you don't have to have

three. God got to.

I'm one short. No no I want you to think about

who are the three that you consider in that group.

It might be your husband or your wife. might be a brother or

sister might be a best friend, it might be a neighbor there

naturally our relationships here that have that already but there

also may be people who don't have those relationships, who

were there three and how can we help them grow research,

suggests that healthy relationships are built through

connection as this study shows at the bottom and a lot of times

I understand the research you hear that title and you go duh

everyone knows that and that's how research works a lot of

times as they They research the things that maybe the rest of us

had already figured out, but social scientists really got to

look at the details. A lot of times healthy

relationships are built through connection and I want to read

this scripture and then explain this pyramid of connection that

Caudill and Drake and and some counseling services put together

in 2020. First, John 1:7 says, but if we

John 1:7

walk in the light as he is the light we have Fellowship.

With one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, his son

cleanses us from all sins. If we say, we have no sin, we

deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

If we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive our

sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

So this scripture is emphasis on fellowship and fellowship takes

three things. It takes you, it takes another

believer. And as we'll see in a little

bit, I'll have the word god up here.

It takes three for Fellowship to work properly.

Early, but it's important to remember that manufactured

connection where you're trying to force something.

It's lonely, and it's discouraging.

Let me give you an example. Research shows that, if you want

to have an intimate relationship, and I'm not

talking about sex which we usually use with the synonym of

intimacy. But what the way I'm presenting

it tonight is just a deeply personal and very close

connection that can be platonic as friends.

It Between Marriage Partners as well, but we're really

interested. We want to be vulnerable.

We want to have this intimate relationship but you can't just

jump into those. It's not possible.

Now, it can happen very quickly, but we start with truth and that

means that two people have to have something in common, a

shared sense of meaning. And with that shared sense of

meaning, then they move up that relationship pyramid into safety

that they feel comfortable to talk to one another Other about

that shared sense of Truth and as they feel comfortable talking

about it suddenly now they trust each other that they can move

Beyond. Maybe that one thing that

brought them together, maybe it was, you know a work friend and

all the things you talk about is work but then you feel safe to

talking about work. So then you can bring up some

other issue that's on your mind and that's how we get to

vulnerability and intimacy. But when you try to manufacture

it and this person is desperate to have a vulnerable intimate

connection with Our friend right or with your marriage partner

and a lot of times, this is what happens.

And marriage want persons reading a book, the other person

watching TV or something, right? They're not interested in this

book. And this book has got some great

stuff. I mean, it's going to save our

marriage and it's going to take us to the next level.

And so we start trying to implement the things of this

book and our partner wasn't really there for any of that.

And so what happens and this isn't a marriage.

This is just a friendship example up here but this person

is ready to move into safety, but the other is not This person

is ready to move into trust and the others not and as this

person starts to divulge things and they're moving into this

place where I lie trust you and I'm talking about this stuff.

Why aren't you talking back? Why aren't you opening up to me?

Because it's manufactured. And it will only end up in

loneliness and discouragement and very quickly that friendship

is become superficial all over again.

So what are we supposed to do well with God at the top.

And this is why the I have this scripture here when we have

fellowship with one another I think fellowship and

relationship or two very close words.

But with that inner three or the person that you're trying to get

closer with, you want to be vulnerable with you start with

the sense of Truth together and you move into safety together

and you start trusting each other.

And then we're Are able to open up about a problem.

And someone divulge is, man, I've had a porn addiction for

the past 20 years and I don't know how to stop.

Or. I lost my job last week and I'm

going to lose everything, but I haven't been able to talk to my

wife about it. I'm just pretending to go to

work, right? So we get, how do we get to

these points? Because we build these other

things in common and then we get to intimacy the closest thing.

And what I'm suggesting to you is the way that we get there is

that we're both pursuing God. And by pursuing God with someone

in the congregation, trying to get closer together and trying

to create that sense of safety. This is how it is accomplished.

We can talk more about that afterwards.

In conclusion, I simply want to share with you, the prodigal,

The Prodigal father and brother and how they are an excellent

example of someone who's safe and someone who's not safe and

so I'm going to share some visual aids with you up here on

the board and we will briefly review the parable.

And that is that there was this prodigal or this son who told

his father that he wanted to go off into a far country.

And so, his father gave him his portion of the inheritance.

And he went off and squandered his life and his living in that

place. And after a series of very

embarrassing and Unfortunate Events, he decides to come home

and when he comes home to his father, he tells Him, I've

sinned against heaven and against you and I'm no longer

worthy to be called your son. And what I want to emphasize

here is that the father was safe in two ways in this relationship

first. He was safe and that he didn't

go with the son to the far country.

That's important to remember. And I think sometimes it's easy

for us to excuse sin and to make allowances for our friends and

our family. When they're trapped in sin with

the father, didn't do that. The father there is an Open Door

and he waited for the sun to return, but he wouldn't go with

him. That's a safe person.

But when the sun came back, that safety is made manifest and how

the father responds, he runs to meet and he picks him up.

And he hugs him, he kisses him. He calls for a robe to be put on

him a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet.

And even though the sun is completely broken, the father

calls out my son, My son was lost and is found.

He's alive again. Now, as the parable continues,

the older brother who had didn't leave and had not wasted money

in. Prodigal living finds out that

the younger son has returned and not only has he returned, but

the father is now celebrating him and he is frustrated and

angry with what has happened here and so he won't even go

into the party. The father has to walk out and

talk to him. And in angry he says, for the

first time in the Herbal the, your son wasted, his money on

prostitutes. It never said that up till that

point, it did say, prodigal living.

And it's likely that he had wasted the money on prostitutes.

This is the first time The older brother is not safe.

Because he's interested in Justice and revenge and Judgment

at all costs. Instead of what the father who

had a boundary that he wouldn't cross, but when that sun came

back repentant he was ready to forgive.

Now the moral of this story is that just like the older brother

and the younger brother both in a way were lost and needed to

repent and come back to the their father.

So, were the Jewish people that Jesus was working with, and the

Pharisees who judged and looked down on those who were tax

collectors and sinners. Has Jesus is trying to call both

sides to repentance and what I'm trying to advocate for with

safety. Is that if you want to be safe

for others than we do have a moral boundary that we don't

cross. But when others are willing to

come back and open up and and to be vulnerable with us, that

we're not going to demand a pound of Flesh.

We'll help them find the Lord, that's our Bible study tonight.

And I know that's a lot of. A lot of information that we've

gone through, we've covered for big concepts of how to not grow

weary, according to James 5, how being safe is a biblically

appropriate concept, how to build internal safety so that we

feel comfortable to reach out. And then how congregationally or

relationally, we understand that this is a journey.

We're going to go through together.

Sir with someone we're not going to expect them to be vulnerable.

We get to just be stonewalling towards them.

I hope some of this was helpful information for you and I'd like

to show you this animation and read the scripture as we offer

the gospel invitation. I love.

It's one of my favorite images on baptism and it says in Romans

Romans 6:3

6:3, and for do you not know that as many of us as were

baptized into Christ were baptized into his death?

Therefore We were buried with him, through baptism into death

that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of

the father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

And I think, what we've talked about tonight is a part of this

gospel process. We have to walk in newness of

Life who we are. After baptism is just as

important as getting baptized. Right?

And so friends, if anyone here has it been baptized there were

about to have a gospel invitation and I want to

challenge you to think about according to the scriptures how

Faith leads us to hear the word. And to believe the message to

repent of our sins and confess that Jesus Christ is the Son of

God and be baptized, and that baptism puts us in Christ and

without baptism, we're not in Christ.

But part of that ism is who we are afterwards and Who We Are.

It's should be people who are safe and a congregation is safe

and if you've had struggles without than this gospel,

invitation is also for you where you can come forward and start a

new page in a new life living for the master, there's want to

be the class, please comes. We Stand sing a song.

We thank you for listening to our podcast, put on by the

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