Wise With Words - Brendan Hurley - 17th May 2025

If you could keep your Bible open to, well, Proverbs

15 is a good one. There'll be some verses on

the screen as well. But let's pray. Let's ask

God for help as we dig into His Word now. Gracious

Heavenly Father, we ask that you would open our

ears, that you would soften our hearts, so that

we could have tongues. that are loving, kind,

true and wise. Please, Father, help us this morning.

We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, when I was

a kid, I got picked on and teased quite a lot.

I know, I know it's hard to believe someone as

good looking and with my sporting abilities getting

picked on and teased, but it did happen. And

it got so bad that I had to move schools at one

point. And I remember one of those old sayings

that we've probably all heard at various points.

Do you remember this one? Sticks and stones may

break my bones, but names will never hurt me.

I think I'd heard that a few times when I was

at school getting picked on. And it's a terrible

saying, because names can wound us very, very

deeply. Words can leave big scars. They can mess

with our heads. They can make us feel insecure.

As many folks say today, words are weapons. They

can cause psychological violence. Anyone who's

been verbally abused or manipulated or slandered

can testify to how horrible that can be. And

yet words can also be a force for massive good.

Do you remember this one? The pen is mightier

than the sword. Words can bring great social

change. They're better at doing that than violence

is. Think of Martin Luther King. I had a dream.

It was words that caused that movement. And words

can be so healing, not just at a social level,

but at an individual level. Words can validate

our pain, repair broken relationships, encourage

the downtrodden. Words are needed to expose our

blind spots and they're needed to make us feel

loved. Words are powerful. And so that's why

this morning I want to ask, how are you going

with how you use your words? How are you going

with how you use your words? Are you wise with

your words? Or are they causing harm? Where do

you consistently struggle to be wise with your

words? Why do you struggle there? One of the

dominant themes of Proverbs chapter 10 to 25,

Proverbs 10 · chapter mention

which is all those little tidbit wisdom that

we see throughout the book, one of the dominant

parts of it is words, using words wisely. And

so that's going to be our focus for today. And

here's the big thing I hope we'll learn as we

look at Proverbs today. Words possess immense

power, so choose your words carefully. Words

possess immense power, so choose your words carefully.

And here's what it looks like to choose your

words carefully. There's three things we need

to do. We need to choose to speak honest words.

We need to choose to speak healing words. And

we need to choose to speak heedful words, thoughtful

words. So let's have a look at each of these.

How are we to use our words? Well, the first

one is we choose to speak honest words. Have

a look at these verses from Proverbs. endure

forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

Truth lasts, lies will be exposed. All lying

lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those

who act faithfully are his delight. Or a man

of crooked heart does not discover good, and

one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity.

Can you see how much better truthful lips are?

Now why is this, why is truthful lips so important?

Well, because speaking truth builds trust. Speaking

truth builds trust. When our cards are on the

table, when we're honest with people and people

know where they stand, they feel safe, we collaborate

well together. But when we lie, I get it, it

feels easier at the time and it looks practical

in the short term. But there's huge long -term

damage, isn't there, to our relationships, to

our own integrity? Now, it's debatable, but possible

that there are very rare instances where lying

is permissible. So you can think of the Israelites

when they're with Pharaoh, the midwives, remember

them? You know, okay, that was probably a permissible

time to lie, or if you're hiding Jews in World

War II and the Nazis come knocking on your door,

yeah, okay, probably a good time to lie there.

But those are so exceptional, aren't they? 99

.9 % of the time, truthfulness should be our

pattern. One holiday's We went away near Margaret

River in WA. Beautiful place to go. And we stayed

at a house that had a ton of board games. We

were there with another bunch of friends and

our kids all got together and one of the favourites

was playing Jenga. Jenga's a great game. Do you

remember what happens when you pull the blocks

out? The tower gets weaker, doesn't it? And it

starts to wobble a bit, and someone's pulling

it out, and it wobbles a bit more. Oh, don't,

don't, don't. Okay, they got that one. And then

you pull out another one, and then eventually,

boom! It collapses. Well, that's what happens

to our relationships when we lie, isn't it? Every

time we lie, we're taking a bit of that stability

out. We're weakening the relationship. And it's

not just relationships, it's institutions, it's

businesses, it's churches. If there's lying and

deceit, they become unstable and they collapse.

My granddad used to say, trust takes years to

build, but a moment to destroy. One lie can do

a lot of damage, can't it? So we need to be honest,

open. and transparent with one another. Now,

that doesn't mean you have to share every thought

that you've ever had or every feeling you've

ever had or every struggle you've ever had. That's

going too far the other way. And some people,

they get it wrong by saying, yeah, well, you

know, Brendan, I'm a truth teller. I just tell

it how it is. Well, there's a very big difference

between being honest and opinionated, isn't there?

Actually, I think some I've noticed with people

like that, it often happens because they can't

be honest with themselves. And so it's a bit

of a self -defence mechanism to be honest with

everyone else. Now, we need to have lips that

are honest. But we need to start by being honest

with ourselves, being people who are self -reflective,

but then also people who are honest with each

other. Life consists of unpleasant feedback,

doesn't it? Sometimes it's hard to give that.

Sometimes we don't want to say those awkward

things because they're uncomfortable. But often

they need to be said. Often it takes courage,

but it needs to be done. It's so much better

than silence or niceties to gently Lovingly speak

the truth, isn't it? Better is open rebuke than

hidden love, as it says later in Proverbs. Are

you someone willing to have honest lips? But

to be wise, you can't just be honest with your

words. You have to also speak healing words.

That's the next thing we see. Choose to speak

healing words. Have a look at what Proverbs says

about that. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain

of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals

violence. Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers

all offences. Or down in Proverbs 12, there's

one whose rash words are like sword thrust, but

the tongue of the wise brings healing, or a soft

answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs

up anger. The wise use their words to bring peace,

calm, love and grace. Now, sometimes their words

must cut. Remember, we are to be honest. But

if we're going to cut, we cut with surgical precision

and anesthetic. At other times, our words are

like a soothing balm or a bandage on raging wounds.

At other times, our words are to be like an oasis

in the desert, refreshing and life -giving in

the insights that we bring. Words of wicked fools

are not like that. They're like a cat thrown

among the pigeons, and off you go. It's violent

and chaotic. And such words, whether true or

not, don't seek the good of the other person,

do they? If there's no love, those are not good

words to be speaking. Now, there's nuance here.

Both wise and fools hide and expose sin with

their words. That's what we see in the Book of

Proverbs. But they do it in very different ways.

Fools will cover up their sin before and after.

To cause a violent ambush, they'll cover it up

right until the last minute, or they'll cover

it up to evade consequences. But when they do

expose the sins of others, they don't do it for

good, they do it to wound, whether it's through

harshness, gossip, or slander. The wise expose

others' sin only when necessary. And they do

it in a measured way. Sometimes they use words

to cover oversee, not cover it up, but cover

over. They don't want to keep bringing it up

so it caused more fight. And you know, if they're

going to deal with it, they deal with it in a

gentle, calm way. And they don't want to weaponise

their words to hurt others. Now, what's the difference?

I mean, they both hide and expose sin. Well,

what's the difference here? Well, one is driven

by love. and one is driven by anger, selfishness

and bitterness. It's tricky. Life's complex.

We've got to work out how to use our words in

different situations. But we've got to think

it through. Think what's going on in me. Think,

is this the right way to use our words? One example

of what not to do is Homer Simpson. Here's one

whose words are like rash sword thrusts. You

know Marge, for the first time in our marriage

I can finally look down my nose at you. You have

a gambling problem! That's true. Will you forgive

me? Oh sure! Remember when I got caught stealing

all those watches from Sears? Well, that's nothing

because YOU have a gambling problem! And remember

when I let that escaped lunatic in the house

because he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well

YOU have a gambling problem! Homer, when you

forgive someone you can't throw a bag at them

like that. Aw, what a jip. Remember when I -

Homer! Oh yeah, I forgot already. See, Homer's

words are so harsh and cruel. And Marge, she's

so wise. She stays calm and gently corrects him.

She must have the patience of a saint to be married

to Homer. But it would be so easy to get defensive

or be critical of him or escalate things and

add fuel to the fire, but she doesn't. She's

wise. She still holds boundaries. She's still

firm, but she's wise. Have you got a Marge Simpson

type wisdom? Think over some of the interactions

you had this week, this month, this year. Whether

at home, at work, at growth group, on email,

social media, phone call, at church. Was your

pattern more like Homer or more like Marge? Were

your words healing or hurtful? Maybe you look

at it and you go, I'm pretty good at work, but

at home I've got no filter. Maybe you're better

at home than you are at work. I don't know. We

need to reflect, don't we? And it's not that

we're pleasant and nice and that we only tell

people what they want to hear. Our aim is to

use our words gently, calmly and for good. For

love, not for evil. Do you find that hard? I

know I do. I find it so easy to have a false

healing, just say what people want to hear, be

a yes man at times. Other times, I find it so

easy to be too harsh. And so I need to pray for

help that God would help me be wise with my words.

It's something we need to keep reflecting on

and praying about. But it's not only that we

speak honest words and healing words, but thirdly,

we need to choose to speak heedful words. Have

a look at these verses from Proverbs. When words

are many, transgression is not lacking. But whoever

restrains his lips is prudent. And whoever restrains

his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool

spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool

who keeps silent is considered wise. When he

closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Well,

maybe I'm not the only one in the room, but thwop!

Like an arrow to the heart for me. All the extroverts

in the room should probably be feeling that right

now. Less is more. Proverbs is saying there is

a benefit to being the strong, silent type. You're

less likely to say something you'll regret, plus

you'll actually learn more. As the old saying

goes, God gave us two ears and one mouth so that

you can listen twice as much as you speak. But

the danger of speaking too much is that you miss

what everyone's saying, that you stop learning.

It's actually a good thing to be restrained with

our words. And yet, again, there's balance here.

Proverbs is not saying, well, let's put tape

over our mouths all the time. There's a challenge

here for introverts as well. Some of us actually

need to speak up more. Have a look at these proverbs.

The lips of the wise spread knowledge, not so

the hearts of fools. The heart of the righteous

ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked

pours out evil things. or to make an apt answer

is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how

good it is. See, there's a wisdom here in knowing

when to speak and knowing what to say. Most of

us need to speak less, some of us need to speak

more, all of us need to speak more thoughtfully.

And we get the balance right when we see how

powerful our words actually are. When we lived

in Broken Hill, at 6 .45, morning and night,

every day, you'd often feel a rumble in the ground.

No, it wasn't an earthquake. It was from the

explosions in the mines. And I had a friend who'd

been sort of working the mines. He was telling

me a bit about it. And he said, they've got to

be so careful. with the explosives. If they're

reckless, there could be huge damage. We no longer

have Broken Hill, but Broken Valley. Yet if used

wisely, if used thoughtfully, it can be very

rewarding. That's how they get to those precious

minerals that they can sell for so much money.

Now, words are like that. Too much thoughtless

words It can lead to great damage, no riches,

nothing of benefit. Too little? Well, you don't

really get anything, do you? It's about getting

the balance right, being curious, observant,

calm, insightful, in the way that you speak.

Picture a busy week. You know what it looks like

for you. You're stressed. You're tired. There's

bills and appointments and high pressure deadlines.

When you run down like that, when you're stressed

and tired, have you noticed what your default

position with words is? Some of us, we have verbal

diarrhea. We blurt it all out. We're insensitive.

We're careless. We're rash. Some of us, we go

into our shells. We say much less than normal.

We become very afraid of speaking up about anything.

Neither is good. Let's get the balance right.

Let's be selective and precise. Can you identify

where you need to change? Is it cutting back

on the insulting jokes? Is it... your mouth out

sprints your mind and maybe just having that

extra couple of seconds to think before you speak.

Is it you're thoughtful but you never vocalise

it? What is it for you? But the point for all

of us is that we need to be wise with our words.

And that's what Proverbs chapters 10 to 25 is

Proverbs 10 · chapter mention

it's a big theme is that we be wise with our

words. As we said at the start, words possess

immense power. So choose your words carefully.

And we saw three ways that we choose our words

carefully. Choose to speak honest words, choose

to speak healing words and choose to speak heedful

or thoughtful words. Well, Brendan, that's great

life advice, but I could get something similar

from a self -help book or a podcast. But this

goes to a whole other level when we fit it within

the storyline of the Bible, when we bring it

to Jesus. Because do you know how powerful words

really are? Well, God spoke creation into existence.

He didn't mould creation into existence, did

he? He spoke it into existence. And God's Word

is the clearest way that God reveals himself

in salvation history. Think of John 1. In the

beginning was the Word, and the Word was with

God, and the Word was God. Jesus is called the

Word because words aren't just important for

everyday life. They're central to God's self

-revelation found in his Son. Have you ever thought

about how words are that important? And in Jesus'

life, we see the Word using words perfectly,

which is really good because I don't. Often I'm

too opinionated, often I overshare, often I'm

critical. And in an attempt to be honest, I'll

often soft pedal things to be healing and lie

and flatter. When it's time to speak up, I often

don't speak up because I'm usually scared. When

it's time to be silent, I keep talking and have

foot and mouth disease. I can know all these

principles, but I don't do a very good job of

executing them well in the right moment at the

right time. I don't know, I feel like often I'm

gutter driving. Do you know gutter driving? Where

you're driving along and you hit the gutter and

you go, oop, that's a gutter, and then you go,

oop, and you overcorrect and hit the other gutter.

That's what I feel like I'm like with my words

a lot of the time. But in Jesus, I see words

used so wisely. I see him speak a message that

is both honest and healing. His gospel word confronts

and exposes me with the truth that Jesus is Lord

and that I'm worse than I think. Yet it's a healing

word that offers grace, peace and transformation.

My sins are forgiven. I'm right with God through

what Jesus has done for me. That's his word to

me. And I see Jesus being silent like a sheep

before the slaughter. He knows when to speak

not and when to not. Yet he also cries out words

at the right time. Even as he's dying, he explains

the mystery of the cross. He cries out, it is

finished. He's one salvation for me, all alone,

for all the times that I've sinned with my words.

How wonderful is how Jesus uses words. And Jesus'

gospel message is the most powerful word ever.

It's changed the world and it's changed many

lives in this room. Do you know, one of the weird

things for me is that I'm a marriage celebrant

as a minister. And so my words sometimes actually

shape reality. You know, I'll say, okay, I now

pronounce you husband and wife, and these two

are now made one. It's very cool. But you know

what? The gospel does that too. When you speak

the gospel to people, it shapes reality. It exposes

hearts. It moves people so that they become wed

to Jesus if they believe in him. And it doesn't

stop there. The more we know that gospel word

and the more it's deep within our heart, the

more it changes how we use our words. This is

not just self -help stuff. This goes straight

to the heart. Have a look at what it says in

Colossians. At the same time, pray also for us

that God may open to us a door for the Word to

declare the mystery of Christ on account of which

I am in prison, that I may make it clear, which

is how I ought to speak, and then walk in wisdom

toward outsiders, making the best use of the

time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned

with salt that's winsome and thought -provoking,

so that you may know how you ought to answer

each person. The Gospel that saves us also makes

us different people. People who are more honest

and clear. People who are gracious and winsome.

And we're made wiser because we're ambassadors

for Jesus. Our words have great power. Or think

of James 3 that we had read earlier. In James,

the gospel word, the word implanted in us that

saves our souls, changes how we use our tongues.

We start using our words more consistently because

the gospel moves us to do that. Do you remember

what he says in James 3? You know that you bless

God and then you curse one another when you're

made in the image of God? It's an amazing picture,

isn't it? You can imagine it. We're there on

Sunday and we're singing praises to God and you're

going, yeah, how good is this? And then we walk

out to morning tea and we start gossiping about

someone. That's the picture. But the deeper the

gospel word goes in us, the less double -minded

and double -tongued we become. See, there's a

link between our hearts and our tongues. They're

connected. Our tongues are actually a very effective

spiritual barometer for where our heart is really

at. And to change our speech, the gospel word

must change our heart. So let me finish by asking

what do your words reveal about your heart? What

needs to change in your life? Let me give you

one scenario, one example. Are your words bullets

or bandages? If they're bullets, what's going

on in you? Hurt people hurt people. Doesn't make

it okay. But that's often what happens. And if

that's you, you need to treat what's going on

in your heart. If your words are bullets, you

likely need to let the gospel heal your heart.

Or maybe you're harsh with others. Do you know

our brains are lazy? I found this out the other

day. Our brains are lazy. They're always looking

for the path of least resistance. And so if you've

got this propensity to be harsh with other people,

your brains will use the same neural pathways

to be harsh with yourself and vice versa. And

so often people who blame others and are critical

of others struggle with a lot of personal shame.

What do you need to do if you're harsh with others?

Well, you need to draw... drive the gospel deeper

into your heart. You need to let it shape your

identity so that you can be softer with yourself.

What's it for you? We've all got something different

that we're struggling with here. But please don't

let today's words flitter away into the air or

go in through one ear and out the other. Be someone

who sees how powerful words are and use them

well. They make an impact. Maybe tonight, before

you go to sleep, think about how God has spoken

to you in His Son, the Word, the Lord Jesus.

And then ponder, where does my speech need to

change? Let's pray. Gracious Heavenly Father,

we thank you that you have spoken to us. You've

spoken your life -giving word of salvation to

us in the Lord Jesus. Give us ears to hear that

word, to embrace it, to love it, to cherish it.

Let it shape how we think about ourselves and

those around us. And Father, please. Help us

to use our tongues differently. Help us to be

honest, healing and heedful in the way that we

speak. And we ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.