Wise Friendships - Brendan Hurley - 21st June 2026

Well, if you keep Proverbs 27 open, we're going

to be looking at wise friendship this morning.

And it's also one of those weeks where you can

text questions in. The number is in the bulletin.

If you'd like to text your questions in, we'll

assume you're doing that at some point and not

playing Candy Crush. So we'll trust you on that

one. Well, let's pray. Let's ask God for help

as we dig into His Word now. Gracious Heavenly

Father, we thank you that you love us, that you

care about us, and Father, we thank you that

you created us for relationship, not just with

you, but also with one another. Help us to work

out how to do friendships well. And we ask this

in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, years ago, Laura

and I had some friends that we were really, really

close with. We worked together. We'd go around

and play board games at their house. We'd even

go and holiday together. We'd actually been through

a lot together. But these friends hit some big

family issues. There were some tricky things

with their kids. And they decided, after that

happened, to go into their shell. All of a sudden...

The board game nights stopped. We didn't really

go on holidays with them anymore. We just didn't

really see them as much. We'd see them at work

a bit, but that was about it. Things changed

really dramatically. And it was very jarring

for us. Lauren and I didn't really know how to

take it. I mean, we could empathise with the

family issues they were going through, but we

also missed the previous friendship and closeness

that we'd had, it was really confusing and really

complicated. I think of another friend who was,

you know, we were good friends, but she was a

bit bossy. You know, when we were going out to

eat as a group, she'd always be the one saying,

I want to go to this place, you know. It wasn't

super fun, and I think people in the group resented

her for it. Think of another friend who was very

unreliable. We used to meet up one -to -one Regularly

once a week and I think about three or four times

in a row. He stood me up or he turned up 45 minutes

late and It was like okay You know, this is not

making me feel very close as friends right now,

you know, I think of another who I used to be

very close with but we rarely talk now because

He's busy, I'm busy, and the tyranny of distance

just means that it's really hard to have a close

friendship. And it's not just other people. If

I'm giving the impression that everyone else

is dropping the ball and I'm great, please don't

read that. I think of times where I've been a

dud friend, where I've been very forgetful, very

selfish, very one -sided, very critical. But

I give you these examples. to try and illustrate

just how complex and tricky friendship actually

is. Whether it's friendship in a marriage, whether

it's church friends, whether it's work friends,

family friends, old friends and new friends,

friendship's a tricky beast to master. And I

mean, it's so good to, if we can, when we do

it well, it's powerful, it's rewarding, it's

enriching. But when you do it poorly you can

feel hurt, confused, ignored, excluded, forgotten

and exploited. Friendship's complex because we've

all got differing ideas and expectations as to

what friendship should look like. And so we end

up with lots of misunderstandings and tricky

dynamics to navigate and I think it's made even

more complicated because Christians rarely talk

about it. So today, we need to ask, how do we

do friendship well? How do we do friendship well?

And I mean, it is important. Remember, God is

Trinity. He's one God in three persons. At the

heart of who God is, is relationship. And because

we're made in God's image, we're made for relationship

as well, which includes not just relationship

with God, but relationships with others, friendships.

But ever since the fall, friendships have been

extremely hard, haven't they? Because of sin,

because we think I'm going to rule my life and

not let God run the show. We live in a world

where we're doing our own thing and we think,

well, I'm doing things my way. You're thinking,

well, I'm doing things my way. You're thinking

I'm in charge of it. I'm at the centre of the

universe. I'm thinking I'm at the centre of the

universe. And we just clash and it's hard to

trust people. It's hard to be vulnerable. Friendship

is tricky. But Proverbs 27 and some other things

that we're going to see from the whole Bible

gives us some key insights. into how we can do

friendship better. And here's the big thing I

hope you'll take away from today. Friendship

with Jesus drives us to be better friends with

others. Friendship with Jesus drives us to be

better friends with others. So there's three

ways though that we can be better friends to

others. once we've experienced friendship with

Jesus, here's the three things that Proverbs

is telling us. Be a forthright friend, be a faithful

friend, and be a fulfilled friend. They're the

three ways that friendship with Jesus in Proverbs

changes us. We become like this. So let's have

a look at each one. Here's the first one. Be

a forthright friend. Have a look at these verses.

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds

from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies

kisses. Or later on it says, as iron sharpens

iron, so one person sharpens another. Now these

things are tough to believe, aren't they? Because

words and rebukes sting. They're unpleasant.

But kisses and flattery, they feel really good.

But this is saying you should choose the rebukes,

choose the stingy thing. It's saying a good friend

tells you the hard truths. They don't let that

elephant in the room grow bigger and bigger and

bigger. they talk to you about it. Now before

anyone goes turning their mouth into a bazooka,

because they've just been waiting with all the

things and elephants in the room they want to

talk about, we do need to get some balance to

this. We've got to remember that proverbs shouldn't

be read isolated from the rest of proverbs, okay?

So we've got to, we're trying to weave a tapestry

of wisdom as we read proverbs. So yes, Being

open about things and forthright about things

is important, but we also want to remember these

things. To make an apt answer is a joy to a man

and a word in season how good it is. Or I love

this one we read today. If anyone loudly blesses

their neighbour early in the morning, it will

be taken as a curse. So just because you've got

a thought that jumps into your head doesn't mean

you have to share it, does it? Wisdom is about

being thoughtful and careful. And that includes

timing. Wisdom's a bit like comedy. You know

how with comedy, they say with comedy, timing

is everything. That was the joke. Anyway, this

is a dud, but I'll work on my comedy. That's

the thing with wisdom, isn't it? It's about timing

as well as a whole range of things. It's about

being aware of the context. It's about being

aware of what is proportionate. We don't want

to add a straw that breaks the camel's back.

We want to be wise. There's nuance and complexity

and a lot of trial and error that we need to

develop in our friendships. I haven't done it

much, but I love skiing. That rush of flying

down the mountain is awesome. And for me, I love

doing the big open blue runs. I wouldn't dare

doing those black runs with the trees. That to

me is full on. I'd be like a ping pong ball trying

to miss the trees, I reckon. And I mean, I'd

bounce into one in no time. But you know how

top skiers actually miss the trees? They don't

try and avoid the tree, because if you do that

you overcompensate. They follow the snow. That's

the strategy. And I think it's a bit like that

being a forthright friend. It's so easy to bounce

between extremes, isn't it? But we need to follow

the snow. I get this wrong so often because I

try not to do something, I try to avoid extremes

and then I end up in another extreme. So I focus

on not being too harsh and then I end up being

not firm enough. focus on not being too passive

and or not being too vague and then you know

I bounce into all sorts of things and I end up

being reactive and usually overcompensating and

hitting a different tree. Instead I should be

following the snow. What's the snow? It's the

way of Christ -like love. I mean Jesus did friendships

perfectly. Now I reckon why do we bounce between

trees, it's because we're usually trying to protect

ourselves. We come into friendships, we're trying

to protect ourselves, we're trying to think,

what can they handle? Are they going to get offended?

Are they going to reject me if I say things?

But the way of following the snow, I reckon,

is to try and think what others need from you,

what's loving to them without fearing their response.

That's the key I reckon. And I must admit I struggle

with that as much as anyone. But that I think

is the way to be a forthright friend. Are you

being a forthright friend to people? Are you

willing to say the hard things to them? But that's

not all wise friendship entails. Not only are

we to be a forthright friend, but we're to be

a faithful friend, a loyal friend, friends who

are there for one another. Have a look at Proverbs

27 10. Do not forsake your friend or a friend

of your family, and do not go to your relative's

house when disaster strikes you. Better a neighbour

nearby than a relative far away. This proverb

is showing how faithful proximity beats distant

closeness. Faithful proximity beats distant closeness.

It's not saying never go to a relative when disaster

strikes. But it's saying a nearby neighbour is

better. You probably know that if you're from

out of town, you've probably got friends and

family closer to you than most people who are

here. And that's great. But they can't do much,

those friends and family who you're really close

to, if they're living somewhere else, they can't

do much because they're far away. When you need

immediate help, it's best to call on the people

around you. I remember a couple of years ago,

I went to FIEC conference, a conference in Sydney,

and while I was away, Laura got gastro. and had

a pain flare -up. And it was really hard because

she was there with the kids on her own and I

was stuck at this conference. And there's things

to do, you know, there's lunches to be made,

there's dinner, and there's school runs, and

there's a whole range of things that needed to

be done. And even though we're husband and wife,

what I could do for Laura at that time was very

limited. But we had a wonderful friend, Naomi,

who actually went out of her way to come and

help and drop the kids off at school and help

out with a bunch of things. We had a support

worker who was able to come and help. You know,

they're getting paid. We're not that close. But

it just shows how proximity beats close relationship

sometimes, doesn't it? Because you can actually

do something. Now, it's so much better if you

got both, isn't it? Proximity and closeness.

But it's an important lesson to see that sometimes

what we need is just someone who'll be faithful

who's nearby. For all of us, but especially for

those without family in town, I reckon this is

a key lesson. But there's two things we need

to do as well in light of this. Number one, don't

forsake your friends. If you can be there when

you need it, Try to be there. Try to be there

for one another. I get it. Sometimes we can't.

Sometimes it's not appropriate. Sometimes it

means you're over -functioning for someone. That's

not healthy for them. But if you can be there

when they need it, it's good to try, isn't it?

And it's good to try and be creative and work

out ways that you can do that. But the second

thing is we need to go to each other for help.

We need to ask for what we need. We need to speak

up. We're not mind readers. No one here is a

mind reader. We need to be forthright and ask

one another for help when we need it. And it's

important that we do that because we all like

to be loved and cared for in different ways.

It's a bit like the five love languages. You

know that thing? There's five ways in which people

like to be loved. There's quality time, acts

of service, words of affirmation, thoughtful

gifts and physical touch. Some people just like

a hug. But it's about speaking up to one another

and saying how we need help. That's an important

thing. So we need to ask, are we being helpful

when our friends ask for help? Are we asking

for help when we need it? It's a hard skill to

master, but it's one that is wise to work at.

But there's one more thing about friendship we

need to see. Thirdly, we need to be a fulfilled

friend. We need to be a fulfilled friend. Have

a look at these verses. Do not boast about tomorrow,

for you do not know what a day may bring. Let

another praise you and not your own mouth, a

stranger and not your own lips. A stone is heavy

and sand is weighty, but a fool's provocation

is heavier than both. Wrath is cruel, anger is

overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?

It's worth asking, what do these verses have

in common? Well, I think these are all damaging

behaviours driven by a fearful emptiness within.

Why boast about tomorrow or boast about my accomplishments?

Because I'm feeling insecure and I want to prove

myself, I want to feel valuable. Or a fool's

quarrelsome provoking or... a quarrelsome spouse

like in verse 15 and 16. You know, it's talking

about how it's an unbearable burden having that

quarrelsome thing going on. Why do it? Why do

people be quarrelsome like that and pick fights?

It's because they feel safe by control, don't

they? They want to get some attention. Or why

does someone become not just wrathful or angry,

but jealous? which is his saying so much worse.

Well, it's usually because there's deep pain

and resentment there, isn't there? When I've

exhibited foolish behaviours like this, it's

not good for me. And it damages my friendships.

And we need to be wise. If there's people around

us like this, we need to be careful about how

we relate to them. But more importantly, We need

to be seeking to be a quality friend to others

by being responsible for our own internal world

It's a bit like this imagine you're driving down

Captain Cook Highway You're driving along the

traffic's moving nicely. It's just a beautiful

sunny day. It's awesome But as you're driving

along a big spider starts crawling up your leg

You're freaking out and rightly so and you're

there and you're trying to flick the spider away

and you don't know what spider it is because

you're trying to keep your eyes on the road and

and then you look down and you're going that's

a big spider and you're trying to flick it away

without it biting you and what happens because

you're distracted and you're panicked the car

veers and you smash into another car and cause

an accident Now why was the accident caused?

Because what was happening in your car caused

you to veer off, didn't it? And it's the same

with people. Our inner world, if it's going crazy

and chaotic, it can cause us to crash into others

in a damaging way, can't it? And I think over

these verses and I think of ways I've done this

in the past or had things like that done to me.

I think of a place I worked many years ago where

I started a new job, I had a new role and I came

in and I talked a big game. Yeah, oh yeah, I'm

here to fix some things and I know what's what.

But things came up. I couldn't follow through.

And man oh man, I wish I had boasted less. But

at the time I felt insecure inside. I could see

people hurting and I was trying to fix things

and I wanted to soothe their pain. I wanted to

help them hope for the best. But actually my

boastfulness hurt others. I wish I'd been a little

bit more secure inside. Or I've been at churches

where complaints have arisen and have come very

emotionally. Heavy and damaging complaints. But

you often know the things that weren't that big

a deal. And if people had just done a little

bit of internal triage, this is actually a three

out of 10, not a nine out of 10. It would have

been a lot less hurtful and more collaborative.

Nothing better for a pastor as well, by the way,

when you come and say, we're really upset about

whatever it is, but Brendan, it is only a three

out of 10. It just deescalates things, doesn't

it? Or jealousy. This is a really sad one, it's

a tough one. You don't have what someone else

has. It might be spouse, it might be children,

it might be a job. And that resentment and that

hurt can poison friendships. And if you let that

jealousy fester when you see someone else who's

got the thing you want, man oh man, it can be

just really damaging. It can drive people away,

it can drive you away from them and make yourself

isolate from others. Being a fulfilled friend

is so key, isn't it? Our internal world impacts

our friendships in a big way. So there you have

it. Three aspects of wise friendship, and I'm

sure there's many more we could talk about, but

three for today. Be a forthright friend. Be a

faithful friend, be a fulfilled friend. Yeah,

that's a nice ideal, isn't it? But one that I

think we easily fail and struggle with a lot.

And to be honest, I haven't actually really gone

into how to do these things much with you. Because

what was the big thing we said at the start?

Friendship with Jesus drives us to be better

friends to others. So it's when we experience

friendship with Jesus more and more, it powerfully

changes us to be better friends to others. But

how has Jesus been a friend to us, a good friend

to us? Well, all the things we saw, they're true

of Jesus. Jesus is a forthright friend. Jesus

warns us and rebukes us. He doesn't avoid telling

us the truth. He says hard things that we need

to hear. You know, when he was on earth doing

ministry, he was warning people about sin and

hell. He will tell us what we need to hear, what

is good for us, even if it's hard to hear. I

mean, the cross itself is not only the way that

God saves us, it's also a giant message, isn't

it? It's a giant message that God takes sin seriously.

It's a giant message that judgment is real. Jesus

tells us what we need to hear. And that's why,

as Christians, listening to Jesus being deep

in the Word is so crucial. Because it exposes

sin and folly within us that needs to be dealt

with. So a really big alarm bell when you start

going, I don't want to listen to Jesus anymore.

I'm too busy to listen to Jesus anymore. That's

a sign that you need to go back to the wonderful

friend you have in Jesus and listen to him again

because he's telling you things you need to hear.

But Jesus is also a faithful friend. He's loyal

and not only loyal, he's near. I mean, he's near

with us. He said he's with us always till the

end of the age. He's always with us. And he's

so loyal that he died for our sins. He laid down

his life for his friends. How great is Jesus?

He won't let you down. Even when you let him

down, he won't let you down. He loves you so

much. Trust in his loyalty. Trust that he's on

your side. But not only that, we've got Jesus

as a fulfilled friend. Jesus, his own joy was

in God. He was content. His own internal world

was ruled by Him. It meant that He was godly,

wise and loving. It meant that He could lead

and teach. It meant that He could go to the cross

and die for us because He was in control of His

own internal state. Jesus is a forthright friend.

He's a faithful friend. He's a fulfilled friend.

And the more we experience friendship with Jesus,

the more we become like him. Because as we know

him as this sort of friend, we become a forthright

friend, a faithful friend, a fulfilled friend.

See, as Jesus speaks hard words to you and me,

it moves us to say, hmm, I'm going to say hard

words to other people. I'm going to speak the

truth in love, but Jesus' hard words to me help

me so much. If there's a hard thing that needs

to be said, I think I need to say it. And Howard,

come talk to me after church. No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I have nothing hard to say to Howard.

He's lovely. But it shows how important it is

to be a forthright friend. As we experience it

from Jesus, it changes us. or to be a faithful

friend. Jesus' love and loyalty, as we know that,

as we experience that, it will move us to try

to serve others and sacrifice for others and

be there for others in profound and amazing ways.

Hard to do when you don't see how wonderful Jesus

has been to you in that way, but when it's clear,

when it's on the front burner in your mind, It's

amazing how we can turn up in incredible love

for one another, isn't it? And to be a fulfilled

friend. You let Jesus' friendship work on your

inner world. You let the gospel go deep in your

heart. You become calmer, more joyful, more secure.

You turn up in such a better way to people. So

what's all this mean for us? Well, there are

some of us here today who've never experienced

Jesus' friendship. And I want to ask you, can

you see how good friendship with Jesus is? Do

you want to live life without it any longer?

The answer is no. Act today. Come chat with me.

There'll be someone up here after the service

to pray up the front. Pray with them, either

one, but do it today. But for many of us, we've

been friends with Jesus a while. What's this

saying to us? Well, for many of us, we've been

friends with Jesus a while, but we might've been

hurt, we might've been let down, we might've

been stung by other Christians. And you haven't

been treated how you'd hoped you'd be. And like

I mentioned at the start, it'd be easy to let

their treatment shape you, or to confuse you,

or to frustrate you. But I want to encourage

you not to do that. Come back to Jesus. Let His

friendship influence you. Let His friendship

change you. Let it fill you with joy. Let it

ignite your heart. See your pain as an opportunity

to draw closer to Jesus and to grow more like

Him. Or maybe your friendships look like the

rest of the world. Maybe there's a niceness and

a shallowness to some of your friendships. If

that's you, let friendship reshape your heart.

Let Jesus' friendship reshape your heart. And

watch yourself suddenly yearn to be more radical

as a good friend to others. Then you start thinking

things like, yeah, I am going to talk to them

about that. I'm not going to leave that. It's

important that they know. You start thinking

what's best for them. You start being thoughtful.

I'm going to send them a text. I found this great

verse. I'm going to send that person a text and

encourage them this week. I'm going to ask them

if they want to go hit a bucket of balls with

me, or whatever your thing is. I've got a friend

over in Carnarvon. He rings me every week just

to check in on how I'm going. And, you know,

for a while I was dropping the ball. He was always

doing it. and it's been so good and now I ring

him back and it's just amazing seeing how this

friendship has grown and flourished and it's

all built around our friendship of Jesus and

it's the more we relate to Jesus and enjoy him

the better friends we become, don't we? So wherever

you're at the key is friendship with Jesus. I

want to close with this. I love how John Newton

put it. John Newton who wrote Amazing Grace,

he wrote this, faithful are the wounds of that

friend who was himself wounded and slain for

us. How good's that? Let's be people who listen

to the best friend we have in Jesus. Or as we're

about to sing now, what a friend we have in Jesus.

all our sins and griefs to bear. See, knowing

Jesus as our friend changes everything, doesn't

it? So let's pray that God would do that now.

Heavenly Father, we ask that you would help us

to be better friends to one another, better friends

to others. And we pray that our friendship with

Jesus would drive that, would move us to that.

Please, Father, help us to experience more and

more how good it is to have friendship with Jesus.

May it be our greatest joy and our greatest delight,

and please make us more like him in the way that

we relate to others. We ask this in his name.

Amen.