Husbands, Love Your Wives as Christ Loves the Church, 10/19/25

Our text for today is from the book of Ephesians

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5 in verses 22 to verse 33. Hear the

word of the Lord as we look at husbands, love

your wives as Christ loves the church. Verse

22, wives submit to your own husbands as to the

Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as

also Christ is head of the church, and he is

the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the

church is subject to Christ, so let the wives

be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands,

love your wives, just as Christ also loved the

church and gave himself for her, that he might

sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of

water by the word. that he might present her

to himself, a glorious church, not having spot

or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should

be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought

to love their own wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one

ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes

it just as Christ, just as the Lord does the

church. For we are members of his body, of his

flesh, and of his bones. For this reason, a man

shall leave his father and mother, and shall

be joined to his wife, and the two shall become

one flesh. This is a great mystery. But I speak

concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless,

Let each one of you in particular so love his

own wife as himself and let the wife see that

she respects her husband. Let's pray and ask

God's blessing on this time together. Our Father,

we thank you for this day. We thank you for the

opportunity, Lord, as we're looking at this passage

and the teaching of marriage in the Holy Scriptures.

We pray that you would lead us and open us, open

our hearts, Lord, to the truths of this word.

We ask, Lord, for the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lord, that we might understand this and preach

it properly and correctly, Lord, and that you

would open up the hearts of all who hear, that

they also, Lord, by your Spirit, might hear and

understand. Lord, we ask for your blessing on

this time together. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

This is the second sermon in our series on marriage.

It began last week, and we're going to be continuing

on for at least another week or two. And in order

to understand the full -orbed understanding and

the vision of what marriage is and how it works,

we have to look also at the component parts.

Because marriage is made of two, from two into

one. Marriage is not something that one does

to themselves. It requires two people, a man

and a woman, being joined together in a covenant

and... becoming one flesh. Without two people

coming together, male and female, there is no

marriage, no matter what the state or custom

might say. All other mirages, or falsely called

marriages, are in fact no such thing. God has

so designed and arranged the man and the woman

that they are like each other, and yet they are

other than the other. So today we'll take a first

look at the part of the man that is the husband.

Last week we looked at the creation of marriage

by God and we considered the purposes of marriage

as he intended it. The institution of marriage

was created for companionship, for fruitfulness

and procreation, for a help to man's mission

and dominion on the earth, also for a help against

sin. and for a living illustration of Jesus and

his church. All of this is bound up and woven

together in the covenant of marriage, a beautiful

tapestry of man and woman in Christ. The rite

of holy matrimony in the 2010 Book of Common

Prayer states this most beautifully. This is

to be given at wedding services, but it's also

inspirational again for us as we think of this.

Almighty God established the bond and covenant

of marriage and creation as a sign of the mystical

union between Christ and his church. The union

of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind

was ordained by God for the procreation of children

and their nurture in the knowledge and love of

the Lord. for mutual joy and for the help and

comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity,

to maintain purity so that husbands and wives

with all the household of God might serve as

holy and undefiled members of the body of Christ,

and for the upbuilding of Christ's kingdom in

family, in church, and society, to the praise

of his holy name. Now this covenant is spoken

of in a number of places and we're going to look

at it more closely here in a moment. But I'd

like at the beginning here just to look back

at the book of Malachi chapter 2 for a brief

Malachi 2 · chapter mention

bit. Because this book, it really fleshes this

out, this passage. The men of Judah had been

traitors. They were adulterers who were profaning

true worship and they were profaning marriage.

That is the Lord's holy institution which he

loves by divorcing their wives, dealing treacherously

with them, and marrying unbelieving women who

served foreign gods. Then they were coming back

to the altar of the Lord and they were weeping

and they were crying and they were covering the

altar of the Lord with tears. But God did not

regard their offering anymore nor receive it

with goodwill. They were asking why. The prophet

Malachi, after recounting this, he speaks to

them the words of God and says, Because the Lord

has been witness between you and the wife of

your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously.

Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

Did he not make them one, having a remnant of

the Spirit? And why one? That is, why are husband

and wife made one? Prophet Malachi says, he seeks

godly offspring. Therefore, take heed to your

spirit and let none of you deal treacherously

with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God

of Israel says that he hates divorce for it covers

one's garment with violence, says the Lord of

hosts. Therefore, take heed to your spirit. That

you do not deal treacherously. All this is found

in Malachi chapter 2 verses 11 through 16. This

Malachi 2:11–16

covenant of marriage is designed by God to be

fruitful in bearing and raising children. Not

just for the sake of populating the earth. But

to be incorporated as part of the fulfillment

and obedience to the great commission. Which

is what? To make disciples by baptizing and teaching

the word of God. to fill the earth with worshipers

of God through Jesus Christ by the Holy Spirit.

But when we look at this classic passage on marriage

in Ephesians 5, we see a whole additional layer

to this. Marriage, the Word of God says, is a

great mystery. It is a mystery in that it is

a living illustration and a picture. of Christ

and the church. Now there are many parallels

between the two realities of marriage and the

union between Christ and the church. Some of

these are found in this passage in Ephesians

5. Here's a few of them. First, just as the wife

is subject to Christ, I'm sorry, just as the

church is subject to Christ, being in submission

to Christ, so the wife is to be to her own husband

as unto the Lord. This is in verse 22 and verse

24. The second parallel is that the husband is

head of his wife just as Christ is head of the

church. That's the second parallel, verse 23.

And then third, husbands are to love their wives

like Christ loved the church. It's the third

parallel, verse 25. And then finally, a man is

to leave his father and mother and be joined

to his wife, which is paralleled by the fact

that Christian believers by faith are united

with Christ, members of Christ's body, of his

flesh and of his bones. That's verse 30 and 31.

Today, I will not be covering nearly all of these.

I plan to preach on the second and the third

parallel. As Jesus is the head of the church,

so the husband is head of the wife. And secondly,

as Jesus loved the church, so the husband is

to love his wife. So let's look at this. First

of all is, number one, husband, you are the head

of your wife as Jesus is head of the church.

This is stated most clearly in verse 23. For

the husband is head of the wife as also Christ

is head of the church and he is the Savior. Now

the word head is used twice in this verse, and

it's the same. It's the same Greek word that

is used. So whatever it means that Christ is

the head of the church, so also we take it to

mean that the husband is head of his wife. But

then we want to ask right away, so how does Jesus

exercise his headship? What are the ways in which

Jesus demonstrates and acts in the position of

headship? Well, the first thing is that Jesus

submits to his Father. And in that submission,

he then exercises the authority and responsibility

delegated to him as head. In this, God the Father

has committed all authority to the Son. We see

that in the Great Commission in the beginning

of it. Jesus comes to the disciples and he says,

All authority has been given to me in heaven

and on earth. Now, Paul expands on this in great

detail in Colossians chapter 1, that glorious

Colossians 1 · chapter mention

passage that Jesus is the image of the invisible

God. He's the firstborn over all creation. By

him were all things created. He is before all

things. In him all things consist. And he is

the head of the body, the church. And so, but

the first thing is that Jesus... In receiving

that headship and then in exercising it, he was

submissive to the Father. And we're going to

break that apart in a little bit later. But we

understand that this is very important. There

is a delegated authority here. It's not, well,

it's delegated by the Father. Secondly, we see

how Jesus leads as the head of his church. And

a good, good way to do that is to study the letters

to the seven churches in book of Revelation chapter

two and three, where Jesus gives the apostle

John seven letters to seven different churches.

So he is showing his authority in this, but look

at how he leads. I don't have the time to do

this today to go through all of these letters,

but I would encourage you go read those and look

at how Jesus leads his church. Look at his account.

at his commendations, see his love, the exhortations,

and the rebuke and the chastening and call for

repentance where it was needed. Then after the

rebuke, he gives a strong rebuke to the church

in Laodicea, but at the end of it, he offers

them restoration and fellowship with him. Jesus

rules over all creation, and yet he also orchestrates

events for the good, of his bride for the good

of the church we see this in Romans chapter 8

Romans 8 · chapter mention

in verse 28 how that he ordains good in all circumstances

he provides for her he gives gifts to her furthermore

number four and we look seeing how Jesus how

Jesus is the head he defends his bride the church

he defends her In Hebrews 7 and verse 25, he

always lives to make intercession to the Father

for her. In John chapter 10, verse 11 through

John 10:11–15

15, Jesus is the good shepherd who lays down

his life for the sheep and he rescues them from

danger and from enemies. In Romans 8, verse 33

Romans 8:33

and 34, Jesus defends his church from accusations

and from condemnation. And in Revelation 19,

Revelation 19:11–16

verse 11 through 16, Jesus is portrayed as a

victorious warrior who defeats the forces of

evil that come against her. All of this is how

Jesus leads and is the head of his church. Much

more could be said, but in all of these ways,

Jesus demonstrates what headship is like. So

then the follow -up question is this. How then

should a husband exercise his headship like Christ?

Well, first of all, having been delegated by

God as a head, this is something that he is.

God set him there. He put him there. This is

not talking about whether he accepts it or not.

It's just the fact that he is. He might be a

good head. He might be a bad head. He might be

a needful one. There's all sorts of ways. But

the fact is, That that's the way creation is.

God placed him as a head. But the Holy Spirit

then immediately instructs the husband how he

is to be that head in the following verses. But

first, a husband must understand that his headship,

his authority, is limited by God. It is limited

by God. It is given by God, but it is also limited

by God. Because he is a man who is under authority

to God, to the church, and to civil government.

This means that he cannot be of himself authoritarian

or autocratic. This headship is not the ability

for him to do whatever he wants to do because

he reports to his head and he submits to him.

So a husband must understand that. A husband

also. serves his wife how does he serve he does

so by leading her well like Jesus Jesus who said

yet I am among you as the one who serves I am

among you as the one who serves in Luke 22 verse

Luke 22:27

27. Husbands, you lead your wife and you provide

for her by being the head as Jesus is head over

the church and he is the savior of the body.

In other words, you see to the good of your wife.

Psalm 112 describes this kind of man as being

gracious, full of compassion and righteous. Gracious,

full of compassion. and righteous. Clark in his

commentary puts it this way, Jesus is the savior

of the body, Paul says here, and he says, as

Christ exercises authority over the church so

as to save and protect it, so let the husband

exercise authority over his wife by protecting,

comforting, and providing her with every necessity

and comfort of life according to his power. In

the put so beautifully now men this has not come

naturally to us by our fallen nature we well

sometimes we're blockheads kind of kind of stiff

and hard to understand we we don't know how to

do this well by our nature we don't understand

how this is done in fact our natural idea of

headship often runs counter to this in various

ways. We might think that headship is like a

club. We get to throw our weight around. We get

to be the big boss and act in a demeaning or

a superior way. But headship... As Jesus is ahead,

it's not tyrannical. It is not browbeating, threatening,

or forcing your will. It is not treating your

wife like a little child or closing your eyes

and ears against her desires and forging ahead

with your plans without due consideration and

carefulness and thoughtfulness or talking down

to her in a demeaning way or treating her like

she is beneath you to be trampled upon. No. It's

not that, but sometimes we think it is that way.

We use it like a club. Or another thing that

happens is that we're afraid of it. We don't

know how to do this well. And so we're just afraid

of it. And so we don't know how to lead well.

Maybe we've had a bad experience in the past

of things that we've seen or simply maybe because

we have not been taught. And so we just back

away from it because we're afraid of it. Or thirdly,

We might be lazy and abdicate our leadership.

We simply want the convenience of marriage, having

a lawful sexual relationship. Maybe we want children,

but we don't embrace the responsibility that

comes with a household. That's also another option.

We simply abdicate. We say, I don't want this.

Have you ever heard the saying, I didn't sign

up for this? I have. I've read it. Yeah. I didn't

sign up for this. Yes, you did. Okay. You might

not have known it, but you did. God has placed

you there. Abdication is not an option. To not

exercise our headship with diligence and faithfulness

is to do our wife a disservice. You cannot say,

I don't want to be bothered with leadership.

It's hard and I don't feel like it. Honestly,

as I look at these three natural ideas, I think,

that the third is probably the most prevalent.

I just don't want to deal with this. I'm going

to be lazy, and I'm going to abdicate. Now, sometimes

the two are kind of mixed together. Lazy and

abdicate, but then we still yell and throw our

headship around. So I urge you to study to lead

with the reality that you are one flesh. Your

wife is your glory. 1 Corinthians 11, verse 7.

1 Corinthians 11:7

And this involves the greatest gift of all. Which

is love. Love. 1 Corinthians 16 verse 13. Watch.

1 Corinthians 16:13

Stand fast in the faith. Be brave. Be strong.

Let all that you do be done with love. Let all

that you be done. All that you do be done with

love. And this brings us to our second point.

A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved.

The church. Verse 25 through 27. So again, we're

going to follow the same pattern. How did Jesus

love his wife, his bride, the church? How does

he love her? Well, first of all, he gave himself

for her. He gave himself for her. He is the savior

of his body. This is the essence of the gospel.

That Jesus went to the cross. That he shed his

blood. That his hands and his feet were nailed

to the cross. And that his side was pierced.

The prophet Isaiah says, Surely he has borne

our griefs and carried our sorrows. This is Jesus.

He was wounded for our transgressions. He was

bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement

for our peace was upon him, and by his stripes

we are healed. This is how Jesus loves his wife,

the church of Jesus. In that way, he gave himself

for her. Number two, how does a husband love

his wife? I mean, how does Jesus love the church?

He embraced his responsibilities of sanctifying

and cleansing her with the washing of water by

the word. Now, this is the type of baptismal

language in picture, but the washing is done

by the word of God. This is in verse 26 of Ephesians

5, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with

the washing of water by the word, that he might

present her to himself a glorious church. So

all things were created by the word of the Lord,

by the word of God. The heavens were of old and

the earth standing out of water and in the water,

2 Peter 3, verse 5. And so God uses the word

2 Peter 3:5

of God to wash and to cleanse. And through the

word of God, we are shown God's law. We are washed

clean from our sins and we, by the aid of the

Holy Spirit, are able to obey our head. So Jesus...

Loves the church by washing her with the word

of God. And then he makes her a glorious church

without spot or wrinkle, one who is holy without

blemish. Jesus reconciled his people to God the

Father, presenting them to himself as holy and

blameless and above reproach. In the prophecy

of the church, the prophet Isaiah says, of this,

of his people, they shall be also a crown of

glory in the hand of the Lord and a royal diadem

in the hand of your God. This is how Jesus loved

the church. So then how is a husband to love

his wife? Well, the passage says that he is to

like Christ loved the church. So let's. Let's

put some shoe leather on this. How is a husband

then exhorted to love his wife? Well, as Jesus

gave himself, so also you are husbands to give

yourself for your wife. You are no longer on

your own to do your own things without consideration

of her. She took your name. She became wrapped

up in your identity. Be willing to give yourself.

for her, to hurt for her sake, to sacrifice yourself,

your time, your money, and your resources for

her. Now, time is very important. Time. Brothers,

a wife needs time. She needs your time. Time

that is devoted to her. Make sure that you provide

that. This is part of giving yourself. Now, I

know that in the time period of life with little

ones, this can be hard, but it still is needful.

It also means patience. Remember that she is

other than you. She is like you, but she is also

other than you. She does not think in the same

way that you think. Her emotions are different.

The way she processes things is different. Her

ability to multitask and keep many things going

at one time is different than you. You're able

to compartmentalize. She not so much, generally

speaking. And there's many other things that

she is other than you. So rather than being irked

at that otherness or despising it, embrace it.

Appreciate the difference, the otherness, and

marvel at it. But sometimes this also requires

patience on your part. And so exercise that patience.

And then thirdly, in giving yourself, invest

in her. Invest in her. Be intentional in learning

how she is, how she thinks, and how she responds

to you. There's also some good books that I can

recommend that can help you in that, in learning.

So feel free to ask me about that. So give yourself

for your wife. Second, You aid in your wife's

sanctification and cleansing by giving her the

word of God, by giving it to her. Sometimes,

especially if there's a couple little ones, your

wife is very pressed. She can't just go off by

herself for an hour just because she wants to.

It's not always possible to do that. And no matter

what, you still, she needs to hear your perspective,

your understanding, your wisdom. So give her

the word of God. Wash her with the word. Jesus

in the high priestly prayer of John 17, verse

John 17:17

17, asked the father to sanctify his disciples

by the word because the word of God is truth.

This was prayed for, for his disciples, but also

for all who believe in him through their word.

And that, brothers and sisters, that includes

us. Jesus prayed for us in that high priestly

prayer. And he asked the Father to sanctify us

by the word. So this means, husbands, that you

have to read the word. You need to get into it.

You need to understand it. You need to seek after

it. Seek to understand in the best way possible

what God's word is saying and speaking to all

together and especially to you as a husband.

So you read the word, you explain the word, and

you apply the word to various circumstances in

all of life. You read and discuss the word together.

You pray together. You orient your lives in,

on, and around the word of God. So read it. Study

it. Pray for understanding and know how to answer

questions. Sometimes you bring the word to bear

on a particular sin and you may need to give

correction or admonition. Sometimes you will

be convicted or receive correction yourself and

you demonstrate the grace of God in acknowledging

that wrong or that sin without excuses by asking

for forgiveness, owning it, and seeking to put

it to death. This also, washing her with the

word, also includes leading in the public, in

the attendance of the public worship of God.

And much more could be said about that, but we'll

move on. Thirdly, how's a husband exhorted to

love his wife? By seeing that she becomes glorious

and holy. That she becomes glorious and holy.

Let me say this real quickly. You're not the

Holy Spirit. And what I'm preaching here does

not mean that, that you're the Holy Spirit. Obviously,

the Holy Spirit deals within the heart in ways

that we cannot. So we understand that. But at

the same time, as you give yourself to your wife

and you wash her with the word of God and you

love her as Christ loved the church, you will

find that she will become more glorious and beautiful

the longer time goes by. And not only filled

with glory. But will grow to a greater level

of holiness and obedience to Christ. If your

wife is not flourishing. Is troubled and stressed

by her own sin. Or by your own actions toward

her. Take stock. Consider. Ask God to show her

how you can love her like this. But also. Understand

that in your headship. You. are responsible.

You men are responsible. Now your wife sins.

She will sin. She will need to repent and ask

forgiveness. And as I said, you're not the Holy

Spirit, but you are responsible as her head to

love her, to deal with things. to take the word

of God, to bring that word to her, to love her

as Christ loved the church, to aid her in her

sanctification and cleansing by the washing of

the word, and to make every provision for her,

to be a glorious wife and woman, one who is free

in Christ, made alive by him, and is worshiping

and serving him with all of her heart. The apostle

Paul tells Timothy, Warning about false teachers,

false and godless teachers who will creep into

households and make captives of gullible women

loaded down with sins. Led away by various lusts,

always learning and never able to come to the

knowledge of the truth. Men, wash your wife with

the word. Be to her. that faithful and loving

husband. May she be loved and appreciated in

your eyes, but also watch out for the wolves

that want to come in. Watch out for the little

foxes that spoil the vines, the little things,

the little irritants that come and grow into

much greater things. But see, by the power and

grace of God, that she becomes glorious and holy.

I'd like to wrap up with just a few final applications.

Remember 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4 to 7. Love

1 Corinthians 13:4–7

suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy.

Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up,

does not behave rudely, does not seek its own,

is not provoked, thinks no evil. does not rejoice

in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears

all things, believes all things, hopes all things,

endures all things. Right there is love fleshed

out even more. Love is the greatest of all. Matthew

Henry notes this. He says, He notes that the

woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam.

She was not made out of his head to rule over

him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon

by him, but out of his side to be equal with

him, under his arm to be protected, and near

his heart to be beloved. Ah, that is just such

a wonderful, wonderful statement. Now, this sermon

is given in the context of Christian couples,

of husbands and wives who know Christ, who have

repented of their sins and trusted in Christ,

whose hearts have been made new. And so, if you

do not know personally, if you do not personally

know God through Jesus Christ, by the Holy Spirit,

then I press upon you, repent and believe with

all your heart. You can never work yourself into

a right relationship with Christ or with each

other by your own works, by your own good deeds.

You can only be saved by the grace of God through

faith in Christ and not of yourselves. It is

the gift of God. So come to Jesus and believe

in him. Is your marriage a wreck? Come to Jesus

and trust in him. He is the answer. For you,

for God so loved the world that he gave his only

begotten son that whoever believes in him should

not perish but have everlasting life. Now, you

might be saying, but my husband is not like this.

Or you might be saying, my wife doesn't respond

to my affection. So what do I do? What if my

husband or my wife has addictions, addictions

to porn or to illicit books or to mind -altering

drugs or to hours and hours of screen time with

no time for me? What shall I do when life is

crumbling or when divorce seems imminent or when

I cry for help and no one comes or I just want

out because I'm tired of the stress that is tearing

me apart? I cannot answer all of these from the

pulpit today, but I will give this quickly and

I hope to expand it more in another sermon. Pray

earnestly. Look to Christ who hears your cry

and your prayer and who is your sustainer. Read

the word of God and pray for understanding by

the Holy Spirit and get pastoral shepherding

help that will feed you and guide you with integrity.

Lord willing, next Sunday, we're going to look

at additional parallels between marriage and

Jesus and the church. We're going to continue

in Ephesians 5 and probably also be looking at

1 Peter chapter 3. So come with open hearts and

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

minds to learn God's ways in this important subject

of marriage. Let's pray.