Wives of Virtue & Honor, 11/2/25

We are continuing today in our series on marriage.

We've been looking, we've looked at God's, the

creation of marriage and God's purposes for marriage.

And then we spent two sermons in looking at the

husband's part. And now today we want to look

at the wife's part. That is wives of virtue and

honor. We're going to be reading from a few passages

of Scripture this morning. We're going to begin

in Proverbs chapter 31, reading from verse 10

Proverbs 31 · chapter mention

through 31, and then we'll move over to the book

of Ephesians chapter 5. Hear the word of the

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Lord. Who can find a virtuous woman, for her

worth is far above rubies? The heart of her husband

safely trusts in her, so he will have no lack

of gain. She does him good and not evil all the

days of her life. She seeks wool and flax and

willingly works with her hands. She is like the

merchant ship. She brings her food from afar.

She also rises while it is yet night and provides

food for her household and a portion for her

maidens. She considers a field and buys it. From

her profits, she plants a vineyard. She girds

herself with strength and strengthens her arm.

She perceives that her merchandise is good and

her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches

out her hands to the distaff and her hand holds

the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor.

Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household is clothed with scarlet.

She makes tapestry for herself. Her clothing

is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known

in the gates. When he sits among the elders of

the land, she makes linen garments and sells

them and supplies sashes for the merchants. Strength

and honor are her clothing. She shall rejoice

in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom

and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She

watches over the ways of her household and does

not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise

up and call her blessed. Her husband also, and

he praises her. Many daughters have done well,

but you excel them all. Charm is deceitful and

beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the

Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit

of her hands and let her own works praise her.

in the gates. Now let's turn over to the book

of Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 through 24 and

Ephesians 5:22–24

verse 33. Wives submit to your own husbands as

to the Lord for the husband is head of the wife

as also Christ is head of the church and he is

the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the

church is subject to Christ, so let the wives

be to their own husbands in everything. Nevertheless,

let each one of you in particular so love his

wife as himself, and the wife see that she respects

her husband. Let's pray and ask God's blessing

on this time in the word. Our Father, we look

to you today. We pray, dear Father, that you

would give us wisdom and insight into the married

state. Lord, I pray that today, especially as

we look at your word regarding wives, I pray

that you would give insight and understanding.

Help me, Lord, to faithfully exposit your word

and to teach it, that it is proper and appropriate.

And I pray that you would open up all the hearts

to hear and to understand. Let us see from you

and hear from you, O God, today. We pray this

in Jesus' name. Amen. In our study of marriage,

I have spent a good bit of time looking at the

husband's part in the marriage relationship.

Because he has been created as the head of the

wife, even as Christ is the head of the church,

the husband bears the great and greater responsibility

of ensuring that the marriage is a true and proper

representation of the mystery of Christ and the

church. We reviewed the scriptures in a detailed

manner on how he is to lead, how he is to conduct

himself, and how he is to treat his wife as a

fellow heir of the grace of life. How he is to

live with her in an understanding way, but at

the same time to lead her with honor. Today,

I turn to some of the scriptures that are spoken

to wives. Knowing that the commandments and the

examples that God gave are at such odds with

the prevailing understanding and practice of

the world, I want to carefully review the biblical

household code for wives. Household codes are

the instructions that are given to various components

of a household, husband, wife, children, fathers

and mothers, servants and masters, and they're

found in various places in the scriptures. God

is so created that this is the way the world

works. But we want to have a good and a proper

understanding of it and not live by caricatures

of either the past or the present. Just as I

mentioned last week, in the time of Luther and

the early Reformation, wife -beating was considered

by many to be normal and permissible. And it

was the reformers who spoke out against such

practices and began restoring a biblical understanding

of marriage. The society then had many wrong

misconceptions of the marriage relationship and

so does ours. In a similar way to that time,

we see both sides of the road. We see wrong and

abusive marriage relationships. Ones that demean

and exploit, that shame and degrade wives to

the level of a slave, creating impossible demands

physically, emotionally, and sexually. Islam

teaches and practices this in a horrific and

dehumanizing way. And abundant examples can be

viewed on YouTube and other places, and it is

very shameful. Some self -styled men who call

themselves patriarchal also act in a very shameful

and abusive way, and these also need to be called

out and even disciplined by the church. This

is not the biblical picture of patriarchy. It

is not according to the household codes, and

it is twisted and evil. But on the other hand,

or on the other ditch of the road, we might say,

there are many who also then shun the words submission,

hierarchy, household codes, or headship, embracing

what is called egalitarianism, which is the belief

that men and women are equal in all aspects of

life, including spiritual leadership roles. This

teaching teaches that a person's sex does not

guide or limit a person's gifts, calling, or

responsibilities in ministry, in leadership,

or in the home, and thus all are equally capable

of holding positions in spiritual authority,

such as being a pastor or elder, and that both

marriage partners must mutually submit and defer

to the other. Now, there's a number of denominations

that teach and practice this. Some of them are

more well -known to us, such as Assemblies of

God or Church of the Nazarene or Vineyard Fellowship

or the PCUSA, Presbyterians, and there's others.

Now, indeed, we are all one in Christ. As Paul

says in Galatians chapter 3, verse 28 and 29,

Galatians 3:28

there is neither Jew nor Greek. There is neither

slave nor free. There is neither male nor female.

For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you

are Christ, then you are Abraham's seed and heirs

according to the promise. And this is for all

men, women, wives, husbands, children, all who

are in Christ. We are heirs according to the

promise of God. But this unity does not erase

the fact that there still are distinctions. There

are still Jews. And there are Greeks or Gentiles.

There are those who are slaves and those who

are free. And there are men and there are women.

All are human beings created in the image of

God, but there are distinctions. And the scriptures,

while affirming our unity and our oneness in

Christ, speaks to those distinctions. The instructions

given to wives are both alike. That is, we are

all as one. Male and female, we are all to stand

in the faith. We're to love God with our heart

and soul and mind and strength. And we're to

love our neighbor as ourself and many, many other

commands that apply to us in the same way. But

there are also differences. The older men are

counseled in one way, the older women in another.

Man is created as a leader, woman as his helper.

He is like, as Ephesians 5 brings out, he is

the head, like Christ is the head of the church.

And the wife is to submit to him as the church

submits to Christ. Man is the glory of God, and

woman is the glory of man, 1 Corinthians chapter

1 Corinthians 11 · chapter mention

11. We can no more erase these distinctions than

we can turn ourselves into the opposite sex or

change the color of our skin. In other words,

this is a matter of creation. So in order for

marriage to properly illustrate Christ in the

church, we must understand what our calling and

our responsibilities are. I have sought to do

that clearly and plainly with husbands, and today

we turn to wives. One more thing in the introduction

here. If we are to fully understand the teachings

of the apostles Paul and Peter, which we're going

to be looking at today, we must look at what

undergirds and supports their teaching from the

Old Testament. This is why I chose to read Proverbs

Proverbs 31 · chapter mention

chapter 31. For these do not contradict one another,

but they together are a revelation of the triune

God to his people. I know of no better summary

for a wife than that of Proverbs 31. It is comprehensive.

It is clear. And we're going to look at it a

little bit more in an overview next. So we'll

look at Proverbs 31 and then move to Ephesians

5 and end in 1 Peter chapter 3. So number one,

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

a wife is to be a woman of virtue who does her

husband good all the days of her life. This passage

on a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 is a great

exposition about a faithful wife who runs her

household and is trusted by her husband. The

key verse to this passage is verse 12. She does

him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Therefore, ladies, this passage undergirds the

teachings of Paul and Peter. She, under the authority

of her husband, is a capable manager of the household.

Just as Paul describes in 1 Timothy chapter 5

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

and verse 14 when he says, Therefore, I desire

that the younger widows marry. bear children,

and manage the house. The word manage there in

managing the house is the Greek word oikodespoteo,

which means to rule a household and to manage

family affairs. When the apostles wrote these

admonitions, the examples of the women of old

and this passage were in view. They were the

inscripturated word at that time. And so these

were in view as they wrote about the household

codes. Now, let me say that some look at this

passage in Proverbs 31 as this is a superwoman.

I mean, who can do this really in one person?

This is an unattainable ideal woman that's very

difficult to emulate, one who's admired from

afar but impossible to live out. It is given

in poetic form. It actually is given as an acrostic

for the Hebrew language where every verse begins

starting at the first going all the way to the

last letter of the alphabet. But this passage

is descriptive of a wife of virtue who is entrusted

by her husband who is in submission to him but

is also responsibly managing her household. Now,

one other thing before we consider the content.

Remember that most middle and upper class women

who had prominent households like this had servants.

They had servants. In fact, many of them had

a number of them. So the only way that she was

able to accomplish all that was given in that

passage was having servants. So keep that in

mind. Now, we're also thankful for labor -saving

devices. They help. But servants were also very

helpful in a whole number of ways. We know this

because they're referenced in Proverbs 31 and

verse 15. So do not be overwhelmed by, but look

at the overarching theme of this in the scripture

because it is given to all wives. The passage

begins with the question, who can find a virtuous

woman for her price is far above rubies? Verses

10 to 33 are an acrostic, as I mentioned, and

her character is one that is virtuous. Now, when

we think of virtue, we usually think of someone

that's really good or someone that's pure. that

is really attentive to God's word and to his

law. Well, whereas all of that is contained in

this passage, that's actually not what this word

means. This word in many places is used as army.

It is a woman of valor, a woman of strength.

a woman of great character and industry. That's

what the word virtuous means here. She is a woman

of valor, of power, and of strength. And as such,

she is invaluable. Her price is far above rubies.

Verses 13 to 27 speak of how she performs her

duties and what her duties are. And some of those

duties will vary. For example, we can't necessarily

relate about that she is up at night sewing and

that all of her children are clothed with scarlet.

Now, that was really fine cloth. But when looking

at it, we understand, okay, she clothes her children

well. She does well by them. She's making sure

that they're properly clothed. So as we read

it, let's not interpret it woodenly. Okay, they

were all of you come in with all of your children

dressed in scarlet clothes next Sunday. That's

not what we're referring to. But it's simply

being that she cares about her children. It means

that she cares about her children and that they

are clothed well. So as you study the passage,

you can understand and look at the meaning behind

the description that is given. She is industrious.

She takes what is given to her and manages it

well with her resources, her time, and it includes

charity to others. In many ways, the description

given here is reflected in the teaching of 1

1 Timothy 2:9

Timothy 2 verses 9 and 10 and 1 Peter 3. Verses

1 through 6, whereupon the duties that are described

there line up with the descriptions here in this

passage. In other words, the descriptions about

a faithful wife are very, very similar in the

various passages. Furthermore, she is a woman

of spirit, but she has the command of her own

spirit and she knows how to manage other people.

She is one who fears the Lord and a good helpmate

for her husband. Because of her faithful and

capable management of the household, her husband

is to fulfill his duties, which in this case

is that he was able to serve the community by

sitting in the gates. Now, this was not sitting

lazily in the gates, just frittering time away.

It was the gates were the seat of rule and authority

in the land. In other words, he was taking his

place with the elders in the land. And so because

of the capability of his wife and managing the

household, he was able to serve the Lord and

serve his community as an elder or a legislator.

He was able to lead well because of this. Now

this description is also a testament to the faithfulness

and godliness of her husband because her husband

trusts her. And that shows us that in a well

-run household, the husband is not micromanaging.

He's not being tight -fisted or tyrannical. And

the wife is not quarrelsome or lazy or careless

with what has been entrusted to her. She watches

over the household. She speaks words of wisdom.

She sees that the needs of her family and her

household are met. And she fears the Lord. A

woman like this. End of Proverbs 31 says, she

is to be praised. So we see all that this woman

is, and yet she is one under the authority of

her husband. She is submitted to him as her head.

But this submission is more like a lieutenant

general to a general in the army. She still has

a lot of responsibility. She's responsible for

the household. And yet she serves under the general

overall, that is her husband. We'll come back

to this in a bit. That's just a quick overview

of Proverbs 31. But I wanted to show how that

that needs to be understood for when we look

at what is taught in the New Testament. And so

now we're going to turn to Ephesians chapter

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

5. In Ephesians 5. We have a discourse on marriage

that begins in verse 22 and goes all the way

down to 33. We've looked quite extensively at

this in the part relating to the husbands, especially

verse 23 and verses 25 to 32. We saw how that

marriage is a picture of Christ and the church,

and that there have been many different parallels.

For example, the husband is the head of the wife,

just as Christ is the head of the church. That's

one parallel. And there are a number of parallels

in this that we looked at previously. But today,

the last parallel is this one. Wives, submit

to your own husbands as to the Lord. Therefore,

just as the church is subject to Christ, so let

the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Now, just a quick note here. This passage is

not commanding all women to be in subjection

or submissive to all men. I just want to get

that very clear right from the beginning. It's

mentioned right here. The wife is to be in submission

to her own husband. I want that to be very, very

clear. So let's look first of all at what is

the meaning of the word submit or subjection

to. It's one word. It's called hupotasso. It

means these things, to arrange under, to subordinate,

to yield to one's admonition or advice, and to

obey or to be subject. Let's look how this word

is used in the New Testament. The word is used

of Jesus in submitting to his parents after he

returned from the temple when he was 12 years

old in Luke 2, verse 51. It is the same word

Luke 2:51

that is used in Romans chapter 13 verse 1 and

Romans 13:1

in Titus 3 verse 1 that we are to be subject

Titus 3:1

to the governing authorities. So that's referring

there to civil government. Same word. We are

to be subject to the governing authorities. In

1 Peter 5 verse 5, he commands them there that

1 Peter 5:5

the younger are to be subject to the elder. In

other words, if there's older men, they're to

be looked up to and revered as being wise, and

so they're to be subject to them. In 1 Peter

1 Peter 2:18

2, verse 18, servants are to submit to their

masters. And in 1 Peter 3, verse 22, angels,

1 Peter 3:22

authorities, and powers have been made subject

to Christ. They are in submission to him. So

this is a widely used term and it is clearly

understood as to what it means. I mean, we can

work through application of it and how it works

out. But if you look at all of those different

things, they're generally meaning the very same

type of submission to an authority that is over

them. By the way, also to, again, to men, and

I spoke about this, we men are to be submitted

to Christ. He is our head and we must, Yield

to him in the governing that we do. It's very

important as well. Now, some say, and we'll get

into this a little bit more in just a bit, but

some say, well, this can't really mean that wives

are to submit as in all of these other things.

Somehow, the head is trying to be reinterpreted.

And one of the ways that they... teach this is

to go back to verse 21 of chapter 5 in which

says that we are all to submit to one another

in the fear of God and so submitting to one another

in the fear of God sometimes called mutual submission

means that everyone is submitted to each other

and therefore there's no head no no order of

authority we're all to submit to each other mutual

submission but this passage Why would Paul mean

that and then go on and give all sorts of examples

of how this is to actually work out? Continuing

in chapter 6, dealing with children and servants

and masters and fathers. He deals with them all.

So rather I think that Ephesians 5 .21 does not

take away from the instructions that follow,

but rather the next verses in chapter 5 and the

first 9 of Ephesians 6 illustrate how this submission

to one another works out. Because it works out

in various ways, and yet all together we are

submitting to one another in the fear of God.

So wives, the submission of the church to Christ

is your example of how your relationship with

your husband is to be. Therefore, as the church

submits itself to her head, Jesus Christ, so

you and your marriage are to relate to your head,

your husband. Now, we as Christians are all united

in Christ. As we've spoken, there's no longer

Jew or Gentile, male and female, slave nor free,

because we're all one in Christ. This truth does

not erase the distinctions, but rather frames

them. As we are all united together in Christ

as one body, but we have different gifts and

different functions, and we operate with those

that are given to us, so also there are still

different bodies, natures, responsibilities,

and roles. This does not destroy the unity that

we have in Christ, but it does establish boundaries.

Man and woman in Christ are one in Him, and yet

distinct. individuals man and woman in marriage

are one in covenant and one flesh and yet they

are still distinct individuals they have different

gifts they have different abilities no matter

how much he might try a man can never bear a

child there are some things that men simply cannot

do they are They are in the realm and the gifting

that God has given to women. There is a distinction

even though we are one in covenant and one flesh.

God created man to lead, to rule, to have a mission,

and to take a wife who can help him because,

as God said, it is not good. for man to be alone.

Together, they take dominion onto the earth,

they execute the mission that God has given to

them, and they build a household. God made woman

to be his helper, to respect him, to support

and sustain him, to bear children and to nurture

them, and to manage the household which they

are building together, man and woman together

in Christ. And in order that that household be

built well and last, there must be a head and

there must be one who helps him, who aids him

and submits to his headship, just as we are workers

together with Christ, 2 Corinthians 6, 1, and

at the same time, he is our head and we submit

to him. Understanding this in the context of

marriage, the household and the church is very

helpful. It is not demeaning for the church to

submit to Christ. And so we gladly serve our

Lord. And neither is it demeaning for a wife

to submit to her husband. Now there is one difference.

Even though it is given very clearly, we know

that Christ cannot sin and we husbands sure can.

We can make a mess of things. So there is that

that has to be worked through. But that's part

of why God gave you a helper. To be able to see

those things and to work through them. And also

to give warning and say, husband, I think this

is not going to turn out right. Excuse me. But

it's not demeaning. Each of us must understand

our callings and responsibilities in Christ's

kingdom. Now the command for this submission.

is found quite a number of places in the New

Testament. And this is why, one of the reasons

why it is made a point of here in the marriage

relationship. We've looked at it in Ephesians

Ephesians 5:24

5, verse 24. Colossians 3, verse 18. Wives, submit

Colossians 3:18

yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit

in the Lord. 1 Peter 3, in verse 1. Likewise,

ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.

1 Corinthians 11, verse 3. But I would have you

1 Corinthians 11:3

know that the head of every man is Christ, and

the head of the woman is the man, and the head

of Christ is God. Titus 2, verse 3 to 5. Older

Titus 2:3–5

women are to admonish the younger women to do

what? To love their husbands, to be obedient,

so that the word of God might not be blasphemed,

which means spoken of reproachfully, reviled,

or discredited. And then in 1 Corinthians 14,

1 Corinthians 14:21

verse 21. Paul admonishes the church in Corinth,

says your women are to be submissive as the law

also says. This is referring both to the creation

order when Eve was created out of man to be a

helper to him and the injunction given to Eve

in Genesis 3 verse 16 after the fall. Your desire

Genesis 3:16

shall be for your husband and he shall rule over

you. We also see this portrayed in 1 Timothy

2, 11 to 14. Now, I say all of this knowing that

I am just completely, what I'm teaching here

that the word of God is saying is just completely

counter to our culture, to our society in so

many ways. In fact, in some places it would be

regarded as hate speech. So I understand that,

but I also am committed to teach the word of

God as it is, not how we want to make it out

to be. Or how anyone else wants to. So why is

this command so opposed or twisted and interpreted

to mean something other than what the plain meaning

is? Why is this? Well, certainly, it is against

the zeitgeist, the modern sensibilities. Feminism

and the rejection of God's creation and order

in many ways. Egalitarian values where a woman

is supposed to do anything that a man can do.

And there are no intrinsic differences other

than parts of the body. Or the potential for

the understanding of that, the false understanding

of that. Or there's also the potential for misuse

of justifying, controlling, or abusive behavior.

Or it simply could be an independent spirit or

even a democratic spirit where no one wants to

be ruled or be under authority. All of these

in our modern world are contributing factors

to why this command is so misunderstood and opposed.

However, I think the greatest reason is one that

is not thought of many times and it is related

to our first part. It is the loss of understanding

of the concept of household. The concept of household

and its function. Proverbs 31 shows how a wife

acts under the headship and authority of her

husband, but is a sturdy helper and manager of

the household and is able to shoulder significant

responsibilities. She is a woman of valor, a

woman who directs the house, a woman who is strong,

is active, and is competent. She is not a woman

of weakness. She is not robbed of initiative.

And rather than being like a servant, she is

portrayed as a lieutenant general who is responsible

for many things in the household. I have a book

that's written, a really excellent book. It was

out of print for quite some time, but it has

recently been reprinted. It's called Man and

Woman in Christ by Stephen Clark. And I'd like

to read to you just briefly a summary of what

he gives on page 63. He says, to summarize, as

he's talking about the woman, the virtuous woman,

he says, the passages examined here illustrate

some important elements of the role of wife in

Scripture. The wife is the ruler or manager of

the household. She is the heart of household

life, ordering the life of the household and

seeing that the needs of the people in the household

are met. She takes an active responsibility for

the affairs of the house and is expected to handle

them competently. She rules the house. in subordination

to her husband but she rules the household nonetheless

within the household her special concern is to

see that the members of the household are served

in their needs that they are fed clothed provided

with what each needs to function well She makes

the household a home, a place where others are

strengthened and refreshed. The wife is a source

of strength to her husband and to the other members

of the household because of her personal service

to them. Finally, she is actively involved in

what we call charity work. She serves the needy

of the community either personally or by seeing

that the other members of the household. provide

help. It's an excellent summary. I'd really encourage

it. It's a good book to read. The loss of this

understanding has contributed, well, let me rephrase

that. The loss of this understanding and the

mistaking it by, in many ways, the Victorian

ideal, at least in some, that was portrayed of

that a woman is more like a wallflower. She's

to be very carefully protected against all sorts

of work like this or managing. She's just let

everyone else do it. And she's just supposed

to be, she is supposed to be cherished, but the

cherish was like protect her from even the possibility

of something bad going wrong. That ideal, I think,

gave rise to many of the reactions to it rather

than understanding as a sturdy. Helper and ruler

of the household. That's why I'm making this

point. Now, I do not deny that feminism has had

great impact. But again, feminism arose in part

because of the loss of understanding of household.

I will say, this loss was exacerbated when men

went off the factory to work instead of having

even a small household with some land. The home,

instead of a place of productivity, became a

place to rest and to sleep. Before this, most

people lived in small towns or cities, but either

owned land outside the town or worked in the

land or in shops in some way, many with family

enterprises. I do not have time today to fully

describe the social upheaval that took place

because of this shift, but it is huge. And so

I just give it to you as just a thought on this.

If you would like more historical perspective

on the changes that happened and how to deal

with them now, there's a whole number of books

that are on it. It's C .R. Wiley's book, The

Household and the War for the Cosmos, and also

Man of the House. Alan Carlson wrote an excellent

book, The American Way, Family and Community

in the Shaping of the American Identity. Nancy

Peercy wrote Total Truth and also The Toxic War

and Masculinity. And there are more. All of them

get into this in much greater detail. So why

is this emphasized so in the New Testament when

talking about wives? Why were they commanded

to submit? There's a couple of reasons. It was

so from creation. The woman was made for man

and for the man to be a helper to him. Therefore,

in order to maintain order in households, this

was a code that was workable and it modeled the

hierarchy that God established on the earth and

later also revealed in Christ and the church.

It's the way the world works. This is an example

of how the church is to submit to Christ, a clear,

earthy, demonstrable model of that submission.

The picture of the church as the body of Jesus

Christ is not developed until after Christ comes.

And marriage, Paul tells us, and Jesus speaks

to it some, but especially here in Ephesians

and in others, marriage is a huge road sign pointing

to the relationship of Christ in the church.

And then we also know to see that Christ is,

in being the second Adam, And in redeeming his

people, the fallen creation order is being restored

through Christ -like love from the head to the

wife. Households are being renewed through the

gospel to model the original plan and the gospel

is being lived out in the world. Again, I repeat

this. In Christ, who is the second Adam, the

fallen creation order is being restored through

husbands loving their wives like Christ and through

wives submitting to their husbands as the church

does to Christ. After the fall. Sin distorted

the original creation order. Marriage became

a tug of war where the man's temptation was to

rule in a tyrannical manner or to be lazy and

abdicate his responsibility. And the woman's

temptation was to grasp the rule for themselves,

rebel against the created order, and upend it.

But the gospel redeems both. the abuses, and

the distortions. Husbands go from tyrannical

role or abdication to loving headship and loving

their wives like Christ loved the church. Wives

go from rebellious grasping to gracious submission

like the church to Christ. When we lose sight

of this, things get murky and cloudy and they

seem arbitrary, demanding, and not fair. If we

miss it, The living illustration and demonstration

is all messed up. Now, let me say, before I move

on here, submission is something that cannot

be coerced. Men, you need to hear this. Submission

is not something that is coerced. You don't pound

the table and say, you need to. It doesn't work.

It's not something that is coerced, where you

try to put your wife in some type of a squeeze

box. No. Marriage submission must be given freely.

A willing alignment with a God -ordained structure

and not blind obedience to abusive demands. This

is why the marriage oath is entered by both man

and woman before God with witnesses. And they

each vow and swear to the other that they will

perform their responsibilities and their duties.

Each one of them. Go look at the marriage vows

again and see how they're structured. Before

God and these witnesses, I will do this, says

the husband. I will do this, says the wife. They

come together in this covenant relationship,

each agreeing to do their part. Now, Obviously

the question comes up, so what if my husband

is not a Christian? Or he is a Christian but

is disobedient. Now 1 Corinthians 7 verses 10

1 Corinthians 7:10–16

to 16, and I'm not going to take time to read

this right now, but basically tells us there

if an unbelieving spouse decides to leave and

is not willing to live with the believer, then

you are no longer bound. You let them depart

and you are free. If they are willing to stay

with you, then live as a Christian and let your

light shine. For then you might be an instrument

of salvation that God uses in them. This is expanded

and amplified in 1 Peter 3. It says, wives, likewise,

be submissive to your own husbands, that even

if some do not obey the word. They, without a

word, may be won by the conduct of their wives

when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied

by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely

outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or

putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the

hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible

beauty. of a gentle and a quiet spirit, which

is very precious in the sight of God. For in

this manner, in former times, the holy women

who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being

submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed

Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you

are if you do good and are not afraid with any

terror. This is the counsel that is given to

Peter. Obviously, there can be many extenuating

circumstances and I can have not time to get

into them. But that is where you need godly wisdom

and counsel. You need godly wisdom and counsel

if you are in a situation like that. And I would

encourage you to get it, to seek it out. Faithful

and wise counsel. Well, the scriptures. Speed

describe a faithful wife in many ways. A fruitful

vine in the very heart of your house. Psalm 128

Psalms 128:3

verse 3. A woman who fears the Lord who shall

be praised. Proverbs 31 verse 30. A wife who's

Proverbs 31:30

trusted by her husband. Proverbs 31 verse 11.

Proverbs 31:11

As daughters of Sarah who modeled obedience to

her husband and had faith in God. As Hebrews

Hebrews 11:11

11 verse 11. Scriptures speak of a faithful wife

as one who is ornamented with the incorruptible

beauty of a gentle and a quiet spirit. What does

faithfulness look like? The older women teach

the younger women these things. Notice the emphasis

here again. on the various responsibilities and

the attention to domestic duties. Titus 2, 3

-5, the older women likewise, that they be reverent

in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much

wine, teachers of good things, that they admonish

the young women to love their husbands, to love

their children, to be discreet, chaste, keeper

of the home. good, obedient to their own husbands,

that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Also

1 Timothy 5 and verse 10, a widow indeed is to

be well reported for good works. If she has brought

up children, if she has lodged strangers, if

she has washed the saints feet, if she has relieved

the afflicted, if she has diligently followed

every good work. I'd like to close now with just

a few After the extended discourse on marriage

and the parallels with Christ and the church,

the five different parallels, the apostle ends

with this exhortation, both to the husband and

to the wife in chapter five, verse 33 of Ephesians.

He says, nevertheless, this is a glorious mystery.

All this is, there's intricate things here and

some of it is mysterious, but nevertheless, let

each of you in particular so love. his own wife

as himself. And the wife see that she respects

her husband. Now, a whole host of questions can

arise. But what if my husband isn't leading well?

Or what if he is making mistakes? What if he

is asking me to sin? Should I then still do that?

And we can go through and answer some of those,

but some of them also will need wisdom and wise

counsel. But one of them I'd like to set real

clear. If your husband is asking you to sin,

then you are answerable to God and you should

not commit that sin. We see an example of that

in Abigail. The story of Abigail and Nabal, her

husband was a very wicked man. He brushed off

David's servants and was... And so David was

angry about it. David came. He was going to destroy

everyone, everything the man owned, level the

place, destroy everyone. And Abigail, who heard

of it, came to David and said, I know that this

man is a wicked man, but here is some food that

you have requested. And please don't do this.

And it all ended up much better. And eventually

then when she went back and told her husband

what he died, his heart, it's kind of his spirit

went out of him and says his heart became like

stone. And I think it was the next morning or

a few days later, he was dead. He was struck

down. And then she became David's wife. So that's

just one example. I would just say in all of

this, you need to trust God in all of this. As

1 Peter 3 brings about, I cannot guarantee that

there are not hard circumstances in life. We

all experience hard circumstances in life, difficulty

in various ways. It might be a really tough financial

situation that you can't get out of and you don't

know how to deal with. You might have creditors

or whatever. It might be a job and you need to

provide for your family and there's nothing else

that you have and your boss is absolutely terrible.

And so you have to know how to deal with that.

Or you might be a wife in a very difficult situation.

All of these require wisdom and grace from God.

The passages that I've given you give you some

glimmer. They give you an understanding. But

there's many different ways to address them and

they need to be done with biblical wisdom and

with charity. Now, you might also say, well,

what if I'm not a wife like this and I'm not

an example of how the church submits to Christ?

Then I will give you the same advice. That I

gave you to the men last week. What if I'm not

a husband as God given me? And that is these

three simple things. You repent. You mortify

and put to death the deeds of the flesh. And

you obey Christ. All of this requires the power

of the Holy Spirit. And that is the case here

as well for you wives. If your marriage does

not look like this. If you're not an example

of how the church submits to Christ. Then repent

of it. Put to death. the sins by the grace and

the power of the Holy Spirit and be obedient

to Christ. Next week, we'd like to put all of

this back together and consider the whole picture

in what I believe will be the last sermon in

this series, that of covenant faithfulness and

the sanctification of marriage. So we'll look

forward to that. I will close again with these

words from chapter 8 and 9 of 1 Peter 3. Finally,

all of you, be of one mind, having compassion

one for another, love as brothers, be tenderhearted,

be courteous, not returning evil for evil or

reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, wise

blessing, knowing. that you were called to this,

that you may inherit a blessing. May it be so,

and may God give you grace in this. Let's close

in prayer.