Covenant Faithfulness & Joy in Marriage, 11/9/25

I'd like to speak today on covenant faithfulness

and joy in marriage. We're going to read, first

of all, from the book of Proverbs, chapter 5,

Proverbs 5:15–21

verse 15 to 21. And then we're going to move

over to Philippians, chapter 2. So let us first

Philippians 2 · chapter mention

hear the word of God as it is given to us in

the book of Proverbs and chapter 5, beginning

in verse 15. Drink water from your own cistern

and running water from your own well. Should

your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of

water in the streets, let them be only your own

and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain

be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your

youth. As a loving dear and a graceful doe, let

her breast satisfy you at all times and always

be enraptured with her love. For why should you,

my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman and

be embraced in the arms of a seductress? For

the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord,

and he ponders all his paths. Now let's look

over to the book of Philippians, chapter 2. Beginning

Philippians 2 · chapter mention

in verse 12. Therefore, my beloved, as you have

always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but

now much more in my absence, work out your own

salvation with fear and trembling. For it is

God who works in you both to will and to do for

his good pleasure. Do all things without complaining

and disputing that you may become blameless and

harmless. children of God without fault in the

midst of a crooked and a perverse generation,

among whom you shine as lights in the world,

holding fast the word of life, that I may rejoice

in the day of Christ, that I have not run in

vain or labored in vain. Let's ask the Lord for

his blessing on this time in the word. Father,

thank you for the privilege that it is to look

into your word today and to study it. We pray,

Lord, that as we look once more at the subject

of marriage, we ask God for your blessing on

this time. We pray, Lord, that for open hearts

and open ears that might hear and understand

your word. And I pray, Lord, that I might be

able to speak in the power of the Holy Spirit,

speaking your thoughts and your words and communicating

truth, Lord, and not falsehood. We pray, O Lord,

bless us with your presence and with the power

of the Spirit today as we hear and preach. We

pray in Jesus' name. Amen. The sermon today is

the fifth and the last one in the marriage series.

We have looked at the picture of marriage as

revealed in God's creation of this wonderful

institution and of the mysterious way in which

marriage reflects the relationship of Christ

and the church. Today, I hope to conclude. by

identifying sins that degrade and destroy marriage,

and then give some practical points on how to

be faithful in marriage and live together with

joy. That is to be and to enjoy the covenant

of marriage. For indeed, marriage is a covenant.

It is an oath that is made before God with duties

and responsibilities that each promises to do.

Now, in preaching on this subject, I understand

that some of you here are not married, and that's

okay. You can sit in and listen, but I also hope

that it's something that will be beneficial to

you for in the future if God should bless you

with a wife or with a husband. Robert Capon wrote,

Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled.

Who can praise it as he should? Children are

like arrows in the hands of a giant. Happy is

the man whose quiver is full, whose wife is like

the fruitful vine upon the walls of his house,

whose children are like the olive branches round

about his table. With sons like young plants

and daughters like polished corners, he beholds

how good and joyful a thing it is for brethren

to dwell together in unity. Then he continues,

but be honest. The precious oil on Aaron's beard

doesn't often reach the skirts of our clothing.

It is hard to make a home. It is hard for one

man and one woman to live together under one

roof for as long as God wills. It is hard to

raise a family. So let's be frank. When you get

married, you are both sinners and that sin affects

your marriage and your relationship. The all

-knowing God sees your frame, the frame of you

as a wife and of you as a husband. And he is

for you. He is our helper and our strength. But

we must also be realistic that we carry sins

with us into the marriage. And we sin one against

the other. David reminds us of this in Psalm

Psalms 103:13

103, verse 13 and 14, when he says, as a father

pities his children, so the Lord pities those

who fear him, for he knows our frame. He remembers

that we are dust. And God, in his infinite wisdom

and holy counsel, has ordained and planned that

marriage would be an instrument of sanctification

in us. Both of your lives. To the both of you.

The very example of Christ. Loving his sinful

bride. Of washing and cleansing her. Speaks to

this. As Ephesians 5 reads. Christ also loved

the church. And gave himself for her. Why? That

he might sanctify and cleanse her. With the washing

of water by the word. The need for us to submit

to Christ as his bride shows the active work

of obedience and sanctification. And so you as

a husband and you as a wife, you both belong

to God and your marriage belongs to God. Your

marriage belongs to him. You don't set the standard,

he does. So I want to consider a few points today

in this end of the series. Number one. Marriage

is an instrument of sanctification. We looked

at sanctification as I read Philippians chapter

Philippians 2:12–16

2 verse 12 through 16. How that we are to work

out our salvation with fear and trembling. That

it is God who is in us. He works in us that we

might will that which is good. And also that

we might do what is good for his good pleasure.

And we're to do these things without complaining

and without disputing. As you live together,

you have the opportunity and privilege to daily

learn how to work out your own salvation as you

live with your spouse. But first, we need to

look at sin. We want to consider the besetting

sins that happen in marriage. Where two distinct

individuals come together and they each bring

a host of expectations, of ideals. and of goals.

Now, sometimes these are lofty goals. Sometimes

they are not, and they need to be sanctified

and changed. But at the same time, as we come

together in marriage, we carry with us sins that

degrade, that hinder, and that, if left unchecked,

will destroy our marriage and us. We need sanctification.

Marriage is a microcosm of how to maintain relationships

in this world between sinful and fallen creatures.

You see, we can avoid people outside who show

us up, but it is much harder to do in a marriage.

Our spouse, most of the time, say 99 % of the

time, knows us better. than anyone else and they

see both our good points and they see our sins

we live in close proximity and so we see each

other's sins and flaws firsthand now but before

we get into looking at some of the sins let's

define what is sanctification it's a big word

it's used in the scriptures so sanctification

is the working out of your salvation now let

me be quick to say God has saved you. If you

have trusted in him, if you are a believer in

Christ, it is God who has saved you. You do not

contribute one iota to your salvation. It is

God who saves you. It is God who raises from

the dead. both in a spiritual way within the

dead and cold hearts of we as sinners and who

will raise up our bodies on the last day. That

is God and God alone. He saves us. We repented

and believe in Christ Jesus by faith because

of His work and of the drawing of the Holy Spirit.

And I'll say right here, if you do not have that

relationship, if you do not know God, if you

have not come to a saving... faith in Christ

that I urge you to call upon him for he will

answer and will save. But he tells us that we

need to work out this salvation. So he saves

us and then we work it out by the power of the

spirit. Work out your own salvation, he says

in Philippians 2. Sanctification. is the process

of being made holy and without blemish and being

more like Christ. Just as we live and we walk

with Christ, we should know Him more and more

and become more like Him. And so also your marriage,

as you get to know one another and you interact

together and you are one flesh and you work together

and you deal with sin and you serve Christ, your

marriage should also age well, just like a fine

wine. And as you get older and live together

longer, you are more blessed and more united

in your marriage. 1 Thessalonians 4, verse 3

1 Thessalonians 4:3–7

through 7 tells us, for this is the will of God,

your sanctification. This is the will of God

that we as believing we as believers, we who

have trusted in Christ, that we become more and

more sanctified. He goes on, that you should

abstain from sexual immorality, that each of

you should know how to possess his own vessel

in sanctification and honor, not in the passion

of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God,

that no one... should take advantage of and defraud

his brother in this matter because the Lord is

the avenger of all such as we have also forewarned

you and testified. For God did not call us to

uncleanness but in holiness. This is sanctification.

And my prayer for you is that of Paul in 1 Thessalonians

5 that the God of peace himself would sanctify

you completely. And may your whole spirit and

soul and body be preserved blameless at the coming

of our Lord Jesus Christ. But in order to understand

sanctification and the work of the Spirit that

makes us clean and that enables us to be holy

and to work out this salvation, we need to understand

what we need to be sanctified from. What do we

need to be sanctified from? What are the sins

that bedevil us and that are common to us? We

must identify them in order to deal with them

and to repent, to ask forgiveness and by the

power of the Holy Spirit to put them to death.

Now some of these are sins that easily come to

both husbands and wives and some are more common

to one or to the other. I'm going to quickly

go through a number of sins of besetting sins

of husbands and just look at them quickly. These

are common, especially to husbands, although

some of them apply to wives. And then I'm going

to go down through a list for wives as well.

I'm going to do this fairly fast. For the sake

of time, I'm not going to say a whole lot about

them other than just making sure that it's clarified

and have a passage that goes with it. So first

of all, we're going to look to you husbands.

What are your besetting sins? What are sins that

are common to you? Number one, laziness and apathy.

Ephesians 4 verse 28 says, Let him that stalls

Ephesians 4:28

steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working

with his hands what is good, that he may have

something to give to him who has need. A man

is created by God to work. And so one of his

chief temptations is to be lazy or apathetic.

The command to work, by the way, was given before

the fall, not after the fall. It was made more

difficult after the fall. But the command to

work was from the very beginning of creation.

A man is called to work. He is created to work.

The second one, second besetting sin, is that

of harshness and bitterness. Colossians chapter

Colossians 3:19

3 verse 19. Husbands, love your wives and do

not be bitter. against them or harsh against

them, according to some translations. Love your

wives, brothers, and do not be bitter against

them. And this bitterness often finds its way

in snapping, in sarcasm, or giving them the silent

treatment, or rolling your eyes at them, or yelling

and demanding. All of these things can take place

as being harsh and bitter. There are other outworkings

as well. But I'll leave the Lord, work out greater

details as you look to him. So harshness and

bitterness. Number three, unforgiveness and grudge

holding. Ephesians 4 and verse 32, and be kind

to one another, tenderhearted. forgiving one

another, even as God in Christ forgave you. God

does not stand over you with a sword of Democles

or just a sword hanging on a thread that at any

time he can just cut that and you're going to

be struck dead. He forgives you in Christ. We

experience the glory and the blessing of God

in his forgiveness. And here Paul tells us we

are to love one another, we're to be kind one

another, be tenderhearted, to forgive one another

like Christ, like God who through Christ or in

Christ has forgiven us. That is how we are to

extend forgiveness to one another. Holding grudges

is wrong, and sometimes it is done for years.

This is not the way of the gospel. As Christ

forgave us, so also we must forgive others, and

especially our spouse and our wife. Number four,

the love of money and lack of provision. 1 Timothy

5 and verse 8. But if anyone does not provide

for his own and especially for those of his household,

he has denied the faith and is worse than an

unbeliever. And also chapter 6, verse 10 of 1

Timothy. For the love of money is a root of all

kinds of evil. for which some have strayed from

the faith in their greediness and pierced themselves

through with many sorrows. So we see here kind

of the two together. There is the love or the

inordinate love of money. Now, God has blessed

us with money, some more than others, and that's

according to his disposition. God also rewards

faithfulness at times with great blessings. But

we are not to love the money. We're to love the

giver. And so the love of money creates problems

in us. But at the same time, we are also to work,

to work hard. Why? So that we can provide for

ourselves. We can provide for our wives. We can

provide for our families. And we can have some

leftover to bless others. If we do not, as we

are able to, if we do not provide, especially

for our own household paul is very clear here

in the book of first timothy we have denied the

faith and we are worse than an infidel or an

unbeliever these are very serious words and so

one of the sins is either love of money but also

then the lack of provision number five failing

to honor your wife as an heir together of the

grace of life. 1 Peter 3, we are commanded in

verse 7, husbands, this is to you, husbands likewise,

dwell with them, that is your wives, dwell with

your wife with understanding, giving honor to

the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being

heirs together of the grace of life that your

prayers be not hindered. When you dishonor your

wife, brothers, by not taking time to hear and

to listen to what she has to say or by putting

her down, by demeaning her and not by considering

her counsel, when you do not value her gifts

or you load on her burdens that she should not

bear, then you are not honoring her as an heir

together of the grace of life and consequently

your prayers are hindered. And I don't understand

all exactly how that works. I'm just saying the

scripture is very clear. Your prayers are hindered.

So we fail to honor our wife as an heir together

of God's grace. Number six, the sin of neglect,

of neglect. In other words, it's not so much

that we're committing an action of sin. but it's

what we're not doing. The scriptures define in

that way as there are sins that we commit or

sins of commission. And then there are sins of

omission where we don't do what we are called

to do. And that neglect is one of those where

we simply neglect. And this can be neglect, especially

as Ephesians 5 points out, the neglect of washing

your wife with the word. Or it can also be the

neglect of teaching your children and thus you

put great... much greater burden on on her because

you are not teaching the children and you are

not instructing them in the ways of god and so

it falls on her to do it all that also might

be in family worship or teaching the word of

god or in many other ways this can happen of

simply neglect can also mean that you provoke

your children and thus create issues even with

uh of between them and their mother ephesians

Ephesians 5:25

5 Verse 25 and 26. Husbands, love your wives

just as Christ also loved the church and gave

himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse

her with the washing of water by the word. Husbands,

you need to lead your wife in the word. Lead

her in the word. When you distance yourself from

the active duties that God requires of you as

a husband and as a father, you dishonor God and

you set the stage for potential bitterness and

deep hurts in your wife and in your children.

The goal is to honor God by building up your

wife so that she is glorious and beautiful, just

like Christ does the church. You may not do active

things against them, but the neglect of the duties

and care is very, very damaging. Number seven,

selfishness and self -centered living. Ephesians

Ephesians 5:33

5 verse 33 in the first part says, nevertheless,

let each one of you, speaking to husbands in

particular, so love his wife, how? As himself.

Now in their position as head, men can very easily

get full of themselves. Thinking of themselves

more highly than they ought to think. They can

become demanding. They can become self -serving.

The focus becomes on themselves rather than those

on their care. Selfishness can be deeply rooted

in the heart. And here we are commanded to love

our wife as we love ourselves. Which deals with

selfishness. Number eight, stubbornness and blockheadedness.

Now, I grew up German. I mean, I'm from all German

descent. And there's just this saying, and it's

pretty much characteristic, that Germans just

really tend to be blockheaded and stubborn. And

you can see it in all sorts of different ways,

even to this day, if you travel in Germany or

live around Germanic people. But it's not exclusive

to us. For it is something that really is something

that we all face, that of simply being stubborn.

We want our own way. And so we become blockheaded.

We don't listen to others. God gave his word.

Why? In Psalm 78, so that they might set their

hope in God and not forget the works of God,

but keep his commandments and may not be like

their fathers, a stubborn. and rebellious generation.

A generation that did not set its heart aright

and whose spirit was not found faithful to God.

Proverbs 1 verse 5 says that a wise man will

Proverbs 1:5

hear and increase learning and a man of understanding

will attain wise counsel. Brothers, we need counsel.

And so often our wife is so suited to give us

good counsel. Now, sometimes we need additional

counsel outside, but God has placed her there

where she knows you. She knows how you tick.

She knows what you are made of. And so she can

give wise counsel so many times. So away with

stubbornness and blockheadedness. And number

nine, sinful lusts and desires. Colossians 3

Colossians 3:5

verse 5. Therefore, put to death your members

which are on the earth. And then he starts listing

them. Fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil

desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

Brothers, unrepentant evil desires will completely

destroy you and your household. They will destroy

you and they will destroy your household and

your children and the generations to come. Of

the immoral woman, Proverbs warns, Now therefore

listen to me, my children, pay attention to the

words of my mouth. Do not let your heart turn

aside to her ways. Do not stray into her paths,

for she has cast down many wounded and all who

were slain by her were strong men. Her house

is the way to hell. descending to the chambers

of death. This is speaking of the adulterous

woman. I do not know how many times I have seen

strong men, seemingly strong, robust men, strong

in business, even strong in professing Christians,

where they get utterly destroyed by being deceived

by their own lusts and going after women. unfaithful

women do not kid yourself brothers this is the

way to death and I will also say porn will do

the same thing avoid it stand against it if you

need help then by all means get help brothers

But I speak to you seriously. The covetousness

of the heart, the adultery of the heart will

also destroy you. It will destroy your marriage.

It will destroy your children. And so avoid it.

Deal with it. Put to death those sinful desires

and lusts of the flesh. And lastly, number 10,

brothers. The last sin that I'm going to deal

with is that there's no vision or mission for

your life and household. Your duty and responsibility

to your wife and to your family is not a nine

to five job. You are drafted by God into a mission.

It is not a hobby. Your family is not a hobby.

It is. You've been called by God into a glorious

mission of using your gifts and callings to serve

God with all your heart and soul and mind and

strength to glorify Him. And you have been given

a wife as a helper, one who can help you in that

mission. And your children are as arrows, Psalms

tells us. Genesis 1, 28, be fruitful, fill the

earth and subdue it. Rule over what God has given

to you and rule over it well. I love how someone

put it, your job description from Genesis 1,

Genesis 1:28

verse 28, you're to dominate chaos for God's

glory. You dominate chaos. You look at what is

chaotic and you bring it into order for the glory

of God. You take dominion. This is Genesis 1,

Genesis 1:28

verse 28. commands. Genesis 2 verse 15. The Lord

Genesis 2:15

God took the man and put him in the garden to

work and to keep it. That to work is the Hebrew

word abad. It's like to cultivate. And then shamar,

to keep it, is to guard it. So you take what

God has given to you, whatever the mission is

that God and the gifts and abilities that he

has given to you, you go after it, you keep it,

you cultivate it, and you guard it from destruction

and from the evil one. You also are called to

rescue those being led away to death. Silence

while culture slaughters babies and marriages

and souls. If we just remain quiet about this,

if we just let it happen, then we are, as it

were, away without leave. And then Matthew 28,

in speaking again of the mission, Jesus tells

his disciples to go and make disciples of all

nations. And where does that start? It starts

right in your home, brothers. God has given you

the gift. If God has blessed you with children,

right there, you are called by God to disciple

them, to teach them the ways of God. And then

as you are able to, even in greater measure,

you do so. Jesus' last command on earth was a

marching order. It was not a suggestion. And

finally, 1 Corinthians 16, verse 13, in all of

1 Corinthians 16:13

this, watch. Stand fast in the faith. Be brave.

Be strong. The word brave there is the Greek

word. It is literally to play the man on a battlefield.

Play the man. The old King James put it this

way in the quaint use of the word quit. Quit

you like men. Stir yourself up as a man. These

are the sins of men that I've briefly and quickly

gone over. Now I'm going to turn to the wives.

What are the besetting sins? What are the common

sins of wives? The first one, I'm going to look

at several here. The first one is that of usurping

headship, of disrespect, and lack of submission.

The woman was created to be a helper to man.

So one of her chief temptations is to usurp his

role to strive for ascendancy. over him. It's

like the man was created for work, and so one

of his great temptations is to laziness and apathy.

So also for women, in being the helper to man

and to submit to him, one of her chief temptations

is to usurp his role, to strive for ascendancy.

Ephesians 5 .33, let the wife see that she respects

her husband. Colossians 3 .18, wives, submit

to your own husbands as it is fitting in the

Lord. This works itself out in various ways.

It might mean that you make every final call

on a decision or that you mock your husband's

ideas or that you rebel against him. For when

you do not biblically submit to your husband

and respect him, you will hold him back, you

will emasculate him, you will make him feel inadequate

and destroy his initiative to lead. Shanti Feldham

puts it like this to women and she writes, Just

as you need the man in your life to love you

unconditionally, even when you're not particularly

lovable, so also your man needs you to demonstrate

your respect for him, regardless of whether he's

meeting your expectations at the moment. Respect.

See the wife, the wife that she respects her

husband. Second is the sins of the tongue. That

is of nagging, discontentment, quarrelsomeness.

and contention. Proverbs 21 9 says it's better

to dwell in the corner of a housetop than in

a house shared with the contentious and a quarrelsome

woman. And also in 27 verse 15 a continual dripping

on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are

alike. And finally he says in 21 and verse 19

it is better to live in a desert land than with

a quarrelsome and a fretful woman. Nagging is

a constant harassing someone to do something

and indicates discontentment and disrespect.

Sins of the tongue expressed. But I will say

that a wife cannot nag her husband into mature

masculine leadership and the assumption of his

responsibilities. In other words, she cannot

lead and command him into being a leader in the

home. She is to be his helper, but nagging doesn't

help him. Rather, it makes both husband and wife

miserable. He needs to understand before God

that he is called to lead and to do it well.

And how is that accomplished? You need to pray.

Sometimes reminders are good. If you have trouble

remembering what needs to be done, like I do,

a reminder from your wife is extremely helpful

and it's good. That's not nagging, but continual

nagging, constant harassing someone will not

do anything. In fact, it will make the problem

worse. Third, being steered and driven by emotions

and feelings. This is one that is a very common

one to women. Proverbs 28, 26, he who trusts

in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks

wisely will be delivered. Verse 26 to 28, sorry,

it's the same. He who trusts in his own heart

is a fool. One of my daughters said, sometimes

your feelings will directly lie to you and you

must preach the word to your own feelings like

David did to himself. in many of the Psalms.

So ladies, you need to speak God's word even

to your own feelings and emotions. They are not

good guides for you. Now, God gave us feelings.

God gave us emotions. And they can be great and

wonderful and good. They're part of who we are.

But if we let them steer us, if we let them drive

us, then... we will go in a wrong way. Here's

one example like David did to himself. He said

in Psalm 43, verse five, why are you cast down

on my soul? And why are you disquieted within

me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him the

help of my countenance and my God. David was

preaching to his own emotions and feelings. Right

there. So watch out for that one. Number four,

inordinate dress. inordinate attention to dress

and to self -image. 1 Peter 3, in addressing

the women, says, Do not let your adornment be

merely outward, the arranging of the hair, wearing

gold, or putting on a fine apparel. Rather, let

it be the hidden person of the heart, with the

incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,

which is very precious in the sight of God. Proverbs

Proverbs 31:30

31 verse 30, charm is deceitful and beauty is

passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she

shall be. Most women deeply care about how they

look and doing things to be beautiful is good

and right in their place. Psalm 45 verse 13 says,

Psalms 45:13

Beauty is not wrong. It is not wrong to want

to make yourself beautiful and attractive if

it is held. to a proper place in your heart.

Because the scriptures also speak of temptation,

to vanity, to excess, and to impropriety. Like

1 Timothy 2 and verse 9, the women are to adorn

themselves in modest apparel with propriety and

moderation. That is one of the big keys. Number

five, manipulation and control. This is trying

to get your way by flattery, or by withholding

affection or favors, by deceitfulness, smooth

talking, tears, or creating drama. All of these

things are ways to manipulate and control to

get what you want. Psalm 12 verse 2 says, they

Psalms 12:2

speak idly everyone with his neighbor with flattering

lips and a double heart they speak. May the Lord

cut off all flattering lips and the tongue that

speaks proud things who have said with our tongue

we will prevail. Our lips are our own. Who is

Lord over us? And that reminder there is there

sometimes when it just can well up within us

that who is Lord over me anyway? I want to do

what I want to do. Have you ever heard that?

I have. Again, 1 Peter 3 and verse 4. I'm sorry,

that's the wrong one. I jumped to the next one.

Of the adulterous woman, Proverbs says in chapter

7, verse 21, with much seductive speech, she

persuades him. With her smooth talk, she compels

him. Women, God has given you a wonderful gift.

You have the ability to influence, to speak to

something. And you know what? It's a good and

right thing that your husband wants to please

you. That's God -given. Scripture even speaks

of that, that the man seeks how he may please

his wife. But you can also just turn that and

use it to your own advantage to control and to

manipulate by all sorts of different ways. Number

six, there's more sins of the tongue. That is

gossip, slander, and loudness. A gossip betrays

a confidence. Proverbs 20 verse 19. Running to

Proverbs 20:19

your mom or to a group chat or to Instagram about

your husband's failures instead of to him and

to God. All can be a part of this. It can even

mean betrayal with a prayer request. Sometimes

that has happened as well. Let your adorning

be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable

beauty of a gentle. and a quiet spirit. This

is very precious in the sight of God. And then

number eight, fear and anxiety or anxiousness.

Because of the need to trust and to submit by

the commandment of God, fear of the unknown can

create anxiousness instead of faith and confidence

in God. Fear and anxiousness. Now the antidote,

God says in Philippians 4, is Prayer and thanksgiving.

Chapter 4, verse 6. Be anxious for nothing, but

in everything by prayer and supplication. With

thanksgiving, let your requests be made known

to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses

all understanding, will guard your hearts and

minds through Christ Jesus. But husbands, you

need to be able to lead your wife and help her

with all of these. But right now I'm speaking

especially to this one. Instead of dismissing

her anxieties and her fears, lead her through

them with encouragement, with God's word and

giving her support and also listening to her

cautions. Sometimes that fear comes because you've

just gone and blundering ahead with things rather

than wisely considering what she might have to

say about it. And so you can really help your

wife in coming to a place where she doesn't struggle

with fear or with anxiety nearly as much. Nonetheless,

Sometimes even with the very best of intentions,

fear and anxiety still set in. And so there you

need to be anxious for nothing, but come to the

Lord with thanksgiving and make your request

to him. Lastly, number eight, and that is bitterness.

Bitterness, where wrongs have been done to you.

And I go back. We do sin against each other.

Sometimes we deeply hurt one another. Sometimes

we create wounds and they're hard and they hurt

and they can fester. Beware of bitterness. Look

carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace

of God. Lest any root of bitterness springing

up cause trouble and by this many become defiled.

Do you keep a mental ledger of all of your husband's

sins or sigh loudly proclaiming your dissatisfaction

or say, I forgave him, but I'll never forget

and I will hold it against him. These are like

slow acid in a marriage cup and they will destroy.

Now, as you can see, there's a lot of overlap

in these sins and this list certainly does not

cover them all. But hear the words of James as

he speaks about some of these sins. He says,

chapter 3, verse 13, Who is wise and understanding

among you? Let him show by good conduct that

his works are done in the meekness of wisdom.

But if you have bitter envy and self -seeking

in your hearts, do not boast and lie against

the truth. This wisdom does not descend from

above. It is earthly, sensual, and demonic. For

where envy and self -seeking exist, confusion.

And every evil thing are there. And so to husbands

and wives, I say, the wisdom from above is first

pure, James says, then peaceable. It is gentle.

It is willing to yield. It is full of mercy and

good fruits. It is without partiality and it

is without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness

is sown in peace by those who make peace. So

seek to be peacemakers in your marriage. to love

one another in that way. We all stumble in many

ways, James says. If we do not stumble in word,

we're a perfect person, able to bridle the whole

body. But now since we know we sin and we offended

many ways, and since we are living in such close

proximity, how can we live with one another in

peace? How can marriage sanctify us? Well, your

wife knows you better than anyone else. And your

husband knows you, wife, better than anyone else.

And so you talk about these things. You be open

to input from your spouse and work for the sanctification

in each other, not with a beam in your own eye

and pick it at a speck, but you work for sanctification,

both of you in yourselves and in the other, not

in a harsh and a critical way, but with love

and care. and tenderness you help each other

to love God more sincerely to walk more purely

and to be at peace among yourselves when you

sin against each other as you do and as you will

confess the sin quickly don't brush it away or

just give a half -hearted or grudging apology

Yeah, if I've hurt you, I'm sorry. That just

doesn't do any good. No, own your sin, brothers.

Own your sin. Wives, say, I have sinned against

you with this sin. I sincerely apologize and

I repent for that sin and for the harm that it

caused you. Will you please forgive me and what

can I do to help make it better? It's so simple,

so profound, and yet we just don't do it. Why?

Because we're self -centered. It hurts for our

own ego. We need to let this go. When we don't

do this, the sins pile up and the fruit of them

is all kinds of irritation. It is loss of joy.

It is lack of trust. And we become captives,

loaded down with sin, led away by various lusts.

Here's a few practical tips. Pick any one of

these. Talk to each other about them and pray

for each other. Maybe you want to focus on one.

I know I'm dealing with this right now. So you

talk about it. You pray together about it. You

look into God's word about it. Take the word

of God. Write that passage in a three by five

card or create a reminder on your phone to pray

about it and to meditate it on God's word about

this particular thing as you go throughout the

day or the week. Ask for the Holy Spirit to help

you to overcome and be a support to each other,

not accusing and tearing down, but assist the

other in sanctification. Marriage is an instrument

of sanctification. I'm running about out of time,

but I'd like to just go over a couple of things

yet. So I beg your forbearance in this. We are

called, brothers and sisters, to covenant. We've

seen this in Proverbs 5, verse 15 to 23, that

Proverbs 5:15–23

we are to drink water from our own cistern, that

our fountains are not to be dispersed abroad,

rather they're to be our own. We are to rejoice

with the wife of our youth. We're to be enraptured

with her love. And so husbands, you lead in faithfulness

to the covenant of marriage that you have made.

You sought her out. She gave up her name to be

your wife and to trust in you and submit to your

leadership. So covenant faithfulness is embracing

that leadership, that call of God to you to be

a faithful head in which you wash your wife with

God's word and you point her to Christ. You are

the head of your wife, but you can be a bad and

an irritating head. This is not good. Faithfulness

to the covenant means that you are faithful and

godly head. I'll put it to you like this, like

one man told me his father told him, take care

of the king's daughter. Take care of the king's

daughter. See that she knows that you delight

in her, that you take care of her, that you desire

her well -being, and that you love her and her

only. Covenant faithfulness is when you as a

wife, Give yourself to your husband as unto the

Lord. You are a daughter of the king and you

love your heavenly father. And so then as that

daughter, you obey him by loving your husband,

loving your children, being discreet, chaste,

a keeper of the home and obedient to your own

husband, willingly submitting yourself to him

as the church submits herself to Christ. When

the husband and the wife do this, they glorify

God, they are a faithful testimony to the world,

and God's word is magnified and not blasphemed.

Lastly then, consider for a few minutes the joy

and the blessing of marriage. I've spoken about

all sorts of different aspects here. And it truly

has been a privilege to go through this series.

But I'd like to end on this note. Marriage is

such a joy and a blessing. It is one of the glorious

foretastes of heaven that God gives to us. It

is wonderful. When done with God's plan, it is

such a glory. Ecclesiastes 9 verse 7 says, Go,

Ecclesiastes 9:7

eat your bread with joy, drink your wine with

a merry heart, for God has already accepted your

works. Let your garments always be white and

let your head lack no oil. Live joyfully with

the wife whom you love all the days of your vain

life, which he has given you under the sun, all

your days of vanity, for that is your portion

in life and the labor which you perform under

the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it

with your might. For there is no work or device

or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you

are going. J .R .R. Miller in his book, Homemaking,

says these words. Marriage is intended to bring

joy. The married life is meant to be the happiest,

fullest, purest, and richest life. It is God's

own ideal of completeness. It was when He saw

that it was not good for man to be alone that

woman was made and brought to Him to supply what

was lacking. The divine intention, therefore,

is that marriage should yield happiness and that

it shall add to the fullness of the life of both

husband and wife, that neither shall lose, but

both shall gain. Marriage in scripture is no

mere duty. It is intoxicating love. It is laughter

in the tent. It is children like arrows of joy.

And it is a foretaste of Christ's union with

his bride. Brothers and sisters, husbands and

wives, if your marriage is not trending in that

direction, if it is not headed there, if you

are not experiencing the joys, then seek out

help. I beg you, seek out help. Read good books.

Get wise counsel. I have here just a whole number

and I can send these out. How Can We Build a

Godly Marriage by Joel and Mary Beakey. It's

an excellent booklet. Just really, really good.

Matthew Henry, the author of... The great commentary,

one of the best commentaries on the scriptures,

has this book, Building a God -Centered Family,

A Father's Manual. It's a great little book published

by Scott Brown, readily available. One that was

helpful to me, here's Gospel -Shaped Marriage

by Chad and Emily Van Dixhorn, Grace for Sinners

to Love Like Saints. Again, it's a great resource.

Like I said, I'll message these out to you as

well. Doug Wilson has a number, Federal Husband,

Reforming Marriage. And this one, How to Exasperate

Your Wife. It's satirical in the satirical title,

but it is really good. It is very, very helpful

in showing how we men can exasperate our wife.

There's a number of others out there, but I commend

you. Read Good Helps. to be able to get you to

a place of joy, of tranquility and peace, and

of glory to God. I will end with Psalm 128, verse

Psalms 128 · chapter mention

1 through 6. Just hear these words, let them

soak in. Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord,

who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor

of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall

be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful

vine in the very heart of your house. Your children

like olive plants all around your table. Behold,

thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

The Lord bless you out of Zion. And may you see

the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life.

Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace

be upon Israel. Let's pray.