"The Father’s Responsibility" Ephesians 6:4

[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the preaching ministry of the Agape Baptist Church in George South Africa.

[SPEAKER_01]: Good morning with the siege one today.

[SPEAKER_01]: Turn your Bible as if you will to Ephesians chapter six.

[SPEAKER_01]: And come to the last message in this mini series on the family.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we've been following the teaching here and Ephesians chapter five and six.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's in this greater context of chapter five and six that were really background chapter five.

[SPEAKER_01]: That background is the admission to walk with the Lord, a walk by the power of the Spirit of God within us, and verse 21, which emphasizes the submitting of one another, our submitting to one another, out of reverence for Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then we saw that the direct commands

[SPEAKER_01]: Members of the family, and he began with wives, submitting to their leadership of their husbands, and their husbands leading with sacrificial love.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then we saw in the beginning of Chapter 6, the first three verses direct statement there to children.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then as we come to verse 4, he speaks there to parents or directly to fathers.

[SPEAKER_01]: And before we get into that verse, I want to go back to the Old Testament and do your

[SPEAKER_01]: part of the verse that I want to share with your verses that I'm going to share with you in chapter 6 and beginning in verse 4.

[SPEAKER_01]: In this context, to Moses is given instruction to the generation of the Israelites that are going to be going into the promised land that they've been in the wilderness for 40 years

[SPEAKER_01]: of judgment upon the parents and this new generation that are now obviously some of the imparants and grandparents are being instructed by the Lord about how they are things there to remember really it's a rehearsal of a lot of things that's been taught already.

[SPEAKER_01]: This portion is a very significant for the Jewish, the Jews, even today.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is probably would be considered their most important passage.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's referred to as the Shama, based on the first word in verse 4.

[SPEAKER_01]: The word here.

[SPEAKER_01]: the Lord, the Lord is one, and you continue.

[SPEAKER_01]: You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.

[SPEAKER_01]: And these words that I commend you today, shall be on your heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way,

[SPEAKER_01]: You continue, as you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes, and you shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, much later, don't exactly win, but somewhere in the range of 200 years before the coming of Christ, the Jews were, were

[SPEAKER_01]: obeying this command very literally, the last part there that talks about the binding on your heart and between your forehead, between your eyes, and they had these phylacteries you've seen probably in the prayers of the

[SPEAKER_01]: Jews at the temple wall and things like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's a black box, like a leather box, and they've wrapped this strap around their arm and hold it close to the heart there, and some on their forehead, and so they're very literally applying that last couple of verses there of this command.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then also the Missouza that they put on their doorpost of their house, a container that has a little scroll in there of Scripture, and this being the primary passage, and also later in chapter 11, and then also going back to Exodus chapter 13, where they take portions and put in these little containers,

Exodus 13 · chapter mention

[SPEAKER_01]: And there's nothing wrong with that.

[SPEAKER_01]: If it helped them to remember God's Word, then that was a good thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: But really, the emphasis here is on the spiritual or the metaphorical meaning of what the Lord is saying, that the Word of God would be in or on our heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that it impacts every part of our life.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so we see in verse five and six in that chapter, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

[SPEAKER_01]: And these words that I commend you today shall be on your heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And, many of you will have to have it of putting scripture verses up on the wall in different places to remind you in it.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a good thing, as long as it's not just art.

[SPEAKER_01]: If it serves the function of helping you remember God's Word to memorize and to put it in your heart, that's what the Lord is really talking about here.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where we need to begin in parenting.

[SPEAKER_01]: When we think about what Paul writes in Ephesians 6-4, we want to begin here with this absolute and total commitment to the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: And his word, that has to begin with us.

[SPEAKER_01]: It has to be in our hearts.

[SPEAKER_01]: It has to be in our lives.

[SPEAKER_01]: If we are going to impart that to our children, it needs to be real.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not just something we talk about, but something that is real for us, how we actually live our lives and make decisions.

[SPEAKER_01]: And when that is true, when this commitment to the Lord, this love for Him and every aspect of our being, every part of our lives, when that is real, when it's true, then we will naturally obey versus seven through nine.

[SPEAKER_01]: We will teach it to our children.

[SPEAKER_01]: We will use every opportunity to talk about

[SPEAKER_01]: God, and the great things that He has done and He's doing and has done through the Lord Jesus Christ and what that means for us, and we will just naturally want to communicate that, especially to our children.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's what is in our heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And as you remember,

[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord talking about food, and he says, it's not the food that it defies you, it's what's in the heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And what's in the heart comes out in our words, comes out in our actions and our attitudes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let's go back to Ephesians chapter 6.

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

[SPEAKER_01]: And we want to see that verse there.

[SPEAKER_01]: Ephesians 6 for this responsibility of parents.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you'll notice he directs his comment to Father.

[SPEAKER_01]: He says, Father, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, we could wish that we had a whole chapter, at least on parenting today.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's so many questions, especially when you begin parenting, there's always something you have to deal with, how do I do this, what should I not do?

[SPEAKER_01]: All of those kind of practical questions, but the Lord gives us just one verse here through Paul.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we can be sure then that this verse has a economy of words, it's significant, it's getting right to the heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: of what we need to be focusing on as parents.

[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, he begins with a negative command.

[SPEAKER_01]: He says, do not provoke your children to anger.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the parallel passage in Colossians 3 verse 21 says it this way, Father's do not provoke your children unless they become discouraged.

Colossians 3:21

[SPEAKER_01]: We see Paul first, first of all, making a negative command, do not, do not pervoke.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we could ask, you know, why, why begin that way and why direct it to fathers?

[SPEAKER_01]: And the fact that he said it, we can be sure that it was a problem.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't only a problem in the first century, it was a problem still today, or is a problem still today, that parenting, different ways of parenting can provoke children to anger or to discouragement.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now let me say just because the child is angry or discourage even, doesn't mean that we have failed as a parent, or that we're doing it in their own way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Many times they're angry just because they're little sinners, and they don't like what you're telling them to do.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that's not what Paul is saying.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's not saying that it's all our fault if the children don't do what they should do or act the way they should act.

[SPEAKER_01]: But he is dealing with a problem.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he's really

[SPEAKER_01]: He's addressing fathers, but he's not, it doesn't mean to leave mothers out of this equation.

[SPEAKER_01]: Certainly mothers have a tremendous responsibility within the home and opportunity, most times more so than the fathers do, to impact the lives of their children.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this,

[SPEAKER_01]: So, we could ask why, why then does he say fathers will possibly, he's focusing on the father's responsibility, ultimately.

[SPEAKER_01]: The father in the home, the husband, has ultimate responsibility for how things go in the family, the direction of the family.

[SPEAKER_01]: instruction, training, teaching, time, molding, loving, caring.

[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't mean the father can just sit back okay you take care of the children.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now he is accountable and I believe one of the reasons that that we have this command to fathers is that ultimately they are responsible.

[SPEAKER_01]: Eve certainly sinned and she sinned first, but when we read about that account, it's Adam isn't it?

[SPEAKER_01]: It's Adam that holds the accountability, not that Eve is not accountable.

[SPEAKER_01]: She is directly accountable for her own actions, her own sin, her own attitudes, but

[SPEAKER_01]: and to make sure that things are going in the direction that God wants them to go in.

[SPEAKER_01]: Another aspect here is the word itself, but tear is fathers.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's also used as ancestors and occasions, which is usually counted by who is the father of who,

[SPEAKER_01]: But on one occasion, it's translated parent or parents.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's in Hebrews 11, Hebrews 11, verse 23.

Hebrews 11:23

[SPEAKER_01]: And there, that whole chapter, remembers about the faith of these Old Testament saints and how they did things through faith.

[SPEAKER_01]: And in chapter 11, verse 23,

[SPEAKER_01]: We see this word but it's there translated parents by faith Moses when he was born was hidden for three months by his parents And in the reason that They University Or across the board translate that parents is because in the verse itself it's it's obvious that he's returning to both parents

[SPEAKER_01]: not just the father is and it continues by saying because they saw that the child was beautiful and they were not afraid of the king's edict.

[SPEAKER_01]: So both Moses, the father, Amrim and Jacob Ed, they both were involved in this commitment to disobey the command of the king and to obey the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: And if you go back and read the Old Testament account, we see that we see more information about the mother.

[SPEAKER_01]: We don't really hear about the father as action.

[SPEAKER_01]: But this first shows us that they were working together in that.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted to show you that just because I don't want you, mothers, the thing that Paul doesn't consider your responsibility in the parenting.

[SPEAKER_01]: Another aspect is when we look at the culture of this first century, and especially the Roman culture of that time, it's easy for us to understand the reason for a negative command, do not provoke.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because in that time, all of the power and authority rested with the father, and they had total authority.

[SPEAKER_01]: legally, they could really do as they pleased, and if a father of a newborn didn't for some reason like that child, wasn't the gender he wanted, or maybe just something about it he didn't like, he could just give the command to leave that child, take it to the square and just abandon it.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's no legal ramification for him.

[SPEAKER_01]: You could do as you please, regardless.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so there is this danger with that kind of power.

[SPEAKER_01]: Especially if you're not a believer, and you don't have the moral background and training from God's Word, then you could just do as you want.

[SPEAKER_01]: And in that time, no doubt there was a lot of a provoking, even for the children that you kept.

[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, with that kind of authority, um, unloving, unkind, authoritarian to a, uh, in such a way that, uh, provoked to anger, but it's not, uh, it's not just the end that parents, uh, provoked to anger.

[SPEAKER_01]: We see it today, don't we?

[SPEAKER_01]: We can see it all around us in the world around us, both.

[SPEAKER_01]: father and mother still provoked their children to anger, and to become discouraged.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so we, as parents, as Christian parents, also have to be on our guard.

[SPEAKER_01]: We have to look at our methods of parenting and say, is the way that I'm parenting?

[SPEAKER_01]: Is it God's way or is it parenting in such a way that provokes

[SPEAKER_01]: The opposite of what I want to have happened.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the Lord doesn't give us a list of things here.

[SPEAKER_01]: He just says, not do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we don't have a list of the ways in which you can provoke your child to anger.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we should assume that the Lord assumes that we can figure that out,

[SPEAKER_01]: We can see the direction of what is right in much wrong, the expectations of the scripture and applied to our parenting in such a way that it is right.

[SPEAKER_01]: One of the indicators is in the context itself of what he's getting at here, and that is the way

[SPEAKER_01]: that we have there, which he says, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that is the positive command that we have.

[SPEAKER_01]: And when we do that, according to God's will, God's way, we're not going to be provoking them.

[SPEAKER_01]: So let me just get practical and

[SPEAKER_01]: that would provoke a child or could provoke a child to anger some of the things, the practical things that we see in parenting.

[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, I've listed there a heavy-handed authority, and by that I mean a strict disciplinary type authority without love.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm all for strict discipline, but that has to be done in a loving

[SPEAKER_01]: way that has a purpose, it's purpose driven, and we'll talk about that a bit more later.

[SPEAKER_01]: But in this home of a, what I'm thinking of here, this heavy-handed authoritarian, it is an oppressive environment, as opposed to a loving, caring environment.

[SPEAKER_01]: conformity to what I want, do what I say, and there's oftentimes an absence of training of teaching why, especially as the child grows up and is able to understand, it's just do as I say.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so there's a lack of focus on shepherding the child's heart of training.

[SPEAKER_01]: of instilling God's values in their heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so this top of parenting is oftentimes self-focused.

[SPEAKER_01]: Instead of thinking about what God wants and what the child needs, it's all about me.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's often disciplined that is motivated by frustration.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or it's just seeking to produce this outward

[SPEAKER_01]: action and not dealing with the heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: Another way is abusive parenting, and that word is thrown around a lot, abuse.

[SPEAKER_01]: But certainly in our culture today, there are parents who are abusive physically towards their children.

[SPEAKER_01]: And again, it's oftentimes born out of the fact that the parent is inconvenienced or frustrated or is only thinking about themselves.

[SPEAKER_01]: And to be honest, the many of the movements, the psychological world that has moved completely

[SPEAKER_01]: and even some countries have made laws against spanking.

[SPEAKER_01]: In the reason for that, I believe the main reason is the abuse that takes place in the world of physical abuse.

[SPEAKER_01]: But another way that children are abused is with words.

[SPEAKER_01]: And me, times those go together, abusive words, words with anger,

[SPEAKER_01]: the disparaging words, and this kind of home, you know, the child just has a cowering kind of fear of a parent.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not a respectful, a reverential kind of fear, like the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom kind of fear.

[SPEAKER_01]: kind of parenting that is this command is intended to to deal with.

[SPEAKER_01]: We can see another way that we want to avoid.

[SPEAKER_01]: That is a neglectful kind of parenting.

[SPEAKER_01]: And obviously there are parents that have physically neglected their children.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just left to offend for themselves.

[SPEAKER_01]: We've talked about children raising themselves, and so that's certainly a neglect.

[SPEAKER_01]: But more often there is a, the problem is a emotional or a spiritual neglect of children.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you'd provide, you would never think of yourself as being neglectful because you provide for them food, shelter, clothing, you know, just all kinds of care.

[SPEAKER_01]: except for spiritual needs, thinking about what the Lord wants to put into their life, into their heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes children can grow up with the attitude that my parents really don't care what I do.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's obviously the Glect, Proverbs 29 verse 15 says, the Rodin reprieve gave wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:15

[SPEAKER_01]: And we have limited information about King David as to his parenting.

[SPEAKER_01]: But what is told to us about his parenting?

[SPEAKER_01]: Tells us that he neglected his children,

[SPEAKER_01]: not physically, but spiritually to correct them, to direct them in the path of the Lord, at least with some of his sons.

[SPEAKER_01]: He didn't neglect them physically.

[SPEAKER_01]: It probably the greater danger

[SPEAKER_01]: Princesses, many times that leads to just giving a child whatever they want, but David fell to had managed his children, at least the record we have a couple of his sons, and did hold him accountable.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I really believe that the core of the problem was this dysfunctionality that he created by taking multiple wives.

[SPEAKER_01]: and then obviously by his sin with Bathsheba and the resulting murder of Bathsheba's husband, Uriya.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's really, although he later confessed that and the Lord forgave him the consequences of that really impacted his parenting, I believe.

[SPEAKER_01]: We can see it in two Samuel chapter 13,

[SPEAKER_01]: Some quick statements, they don't have time to go there and read and think about the full story.

[SPEAKER_01]: But to Samuel 13 records that one of his sons, Amnon, forced himself on his half-sister Tamar.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Tamar's brother, Adselin, from that time,

[SPEAKER_01]: and in chapter 13 verse 21 we read but when King David heard all of these things he was very angry that's all it says about David evidently he didn't do anything about it he just got angry about it his anger should have motivated him to take action and to obey the Lord and dealing with this

[SPEAKER_01]: scene against Taimar, but he just didn't bother with it, and which not only was it the right thing towards M non, but it wasn't the right thing to buy everyone else.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Absalon was one of the fallouts of that failure, and Absalon went or another

[SPEAKER_01]: I think it was two years and finally at the right time in the plan to have Amnon killed.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so that began a series of things that drove a wedge between Amnon and David his father.

[SPEAKER_01]: David didn't even want to seem that talk to him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then finally, after a lengthy time, he came back evidently, you know, tried to reconcile.

[SPEAKER_01]: But then, after that, Epsilon just set on a path to take over the kingdom.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he won the people's hearts against his own father, and eventually, he overthrew his rule, which was shortly lived, and eventually was killed in battle.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we hear then that the love, David's broken hearted over the death of his son, even after he'd done all of that.

[SPEAKER_01]: and the commitment to God to do the hard things and dealing with his sons.

[SPEAKER_01]: We see at the end of Dave's life, he had appointed Solomon to succeed him as King.

[SPEAKER_01]: And on his deathbed, we learn of Adonijah, this is in one King's chapter one.

[SPEAKER_01]: Verse 5 says, and I, and Elijah, the son of Hageth, this is one of, one of David's sons, exalted himself saying, I will be king, and he prepared for himself, chariots, and horsemen, and 50 men to run before him, and that's just a summary statement of all the things he manipulated to bolster me and around him, of leadership, and to make himself king, and then the

[SPEAKER_01]: is a parenthesis, a statement that gives us some context of why, at an idea, was the way he was.

[SPEAKER_01]: The verse says, and his father had never, at any time, displeased him by asking, why have you done thus and so?

[SPEAKER_01]: Now we don't know if that's a bit of an exaggeration.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there may have been some point where

[SPEAKER_01]: David had failed to pair it at an item, to bring him up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, at an item, just was doing what he's always done, is just doing his own thing, doing what he wanted to do.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so that ultimately resulted in his death as well.

[SPEAKER_01]: So this, as we think about parents' responsibility today, the discipline, instruction, and the Lord, that's difficult.

[SPEAKER_01]: It takes time, it takes commitment, it takes purpose, it takes planning.

[SPEAKER_01]: But to neglect it is to invite greater difficulty and trouble, heartache into our lives.

[SPEAKER_01]: Proverbs 29, 17 says, correct your son, and he will give you rest.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, he will give delight to your soul.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let me look quickly just one other parenting style, and that is an overindulgent kind of parenting.

[SPEAKER_01]: This kind of parenting often, the parent believes, this is the way to love their child, by just giving them whatever they want.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like grandparents sometimes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just give them all the candy.

[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever they want, send them back home.

[SPEAKER_01]: But a parent can't do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Can they?

[SPEAKER_01]: Not if they really love them.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so we as parents, obviously at times we can give our children what they want.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we have to be thinking of the bigger picture

[SPEAKER_01]: we have to think what does God want and what do our children need.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so we are much have to be much more long-term focused, much more disciplined in our own thinking, and strategic in our thinking as to what kind of training are we going to give for our

[SPEAKER_01]: But I heard a parent say the young boy who was obviously out of control.

[SPEAKER_01]: He said, the father said, I love my child too much to spank him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And obviously that kind of love, that kind of emotionalism, does not have the backbone, does not have the courage, does not have the maturity,

[SPEAKER_01]: a training discipline, spanking, correction, admonition, vows are all hard things.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it requires, I love that is self-sacrificial.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love that is purpose-driven, motivated by the love of God and the will of God.

[SPEAKER_01]: but he loves him is diligent to discipline him.

[SPEAKER_01]: So there's the principle of what real biblical love is.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is a love that cares enough, that loves enough to do the hard things, to inconvenience ourselves, to plan for,

[SPEAKER_01]: The future of our child to shepherd the child's heart is not just discipline when it's convenient or when you've reached the end of your struggle, let's speak, you've had enough or when they just kind of escalated to the point that you're motivated then to do something.

[SPEAKER_01]: No discipline is for when it's needed, according to the child, the situation, and the will of the Lord, and the way of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: This kind of parent, this over-indulgent parent can be very permissive, and allow the child really to become the center of the home.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's wonderful, you know, gift from God and it's easy to put, you know, so much focus on this child, you can change your whole life, revolve around the child and the child grows up.

[SPEAKER_01]: Instead of you leading the child and directing in his path, you begin bending to his expectations and what he wants.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you get used to when they're a baby, when they cry, you run to see what they need,

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know, two years later, you're still doing that.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're still, you know, focusing everything around what satisfies the child.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you kind of have a model of parenting that avoids any conflict.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, if the child doesn't like it, let's just stay away from that.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so you're parenting has to be more than that.

[SPEAKER_01]: It has to be God-focused, principle-focused, and directed,

[SPEAKER_01]: rather than around the whims of your child.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let's quickly move to the positive aspect of this verse.

[SPEAKER_01]: He begins and says, bring them up.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: This phrase, bring them up is from a word

[SPEAKER_01]: nourish.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so you can hear in that care, love, compassion, action.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was used just previously in Chapter 5 in verse 29 where the instruction comes to husbands about their care for their wife and he used the illustration of one's care for their own body and he used it to work nourish.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, that word there, bring them up, has this idea, you can hear it in the offer counts in the over-talling foot, hollet up.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I like the title of Ted Trips, Book Shepherding, a child's heart, because the shepherding metaphor really speaks to this bring them up, you shepherd them.

[SPEAKER_01]: you do what is good for them.

[SPEAKER_01]: You don't follow them around.

[SPEAKER_01]: You make sure that they follow you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you care for them, protect them, guide them, take them to the right places, so forth.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's a shepherding.

[SPEAKER_01]: A related word to this is used to talk about the spiritual nourishment of the Word of God.

[SPEAKER_01]: Paul is using that, bring them up, and it's using other places as well to refer to parenting in general, to bring them up.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he says, first of all, that we are to bring them up in the discipline of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this word discipline, Padilla, it is talking about physical discipline as in spanking.

[SPEAKER_01]: But it's also word talks about training, so those two concepts go together, the discipline and training.

[SPEAKER_01]: So discipline is more than just spanking.

[SPEAKER_01]: It involves spanking, but spanking with a gold to correct and to teach.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's very important for us as we think about spanking and what the purpose of it is, how we do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's directing and correcting, I like the idea of illustration of the climbing roads.

[SPEAKER_01]: Some of your gardeners, you know, you know what's needed to take care of roses, but a climbing roads can become wild if you just leave it.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you just let it go, it just can go everywhere.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so there is some pruning.

[SPEAKER_01]: necessary some cutting back cutting off parts is going the way you don't want to go and promoting parts that are going the right way and that in that in any way is like parenting I remember years ago when we went back to the States and my mom and dad they weren't really gardeners and mom liked plant stuff and she had some shrubs that were out across the front of

[SPEAKER_01]: and they just got in way big, but dad tried to prune him, but he put when he prune him, he'd just prune off the top a little bit, you know, the real black green part, and so they just keep getting bigger and bigger and more out of control.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, CSV, I would prune them, and so I went and looked at him, I thought, man, this, it's got like an inch of green on the top, and the rest is, you know, just the branches underneath, and so I said, well, it needs some severe pruning.

[SPEAKER_01]: to really do it right.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I cut it back.

[SPEAKER_01]: There wasn't a green leaf left.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was just look dead.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then when my mom saw them, she felt they're dead.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is terrible.

[SPEAKER_01]: But in reality, that was discipline.

[SPEAKER_01]: That was what was needed.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was cutting back so that that

[SPEAKER_01]: plant could now grow in the right way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Excuse me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, we see that in also in Timothy 316, well, in verse, he uses this word.

[SPEAKER_01]: This Padilla.

[SPEAKER_01]: To Timothy 316, all scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training that we're training there.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's the same word.

[SPEAKER_01]: in righteousness, and so I will often talk about discipline as disciplined, training, and righteousness, and that really kind of brings out the full meaning of what discipline is talking about here.

[SPEAKER_01]: In Hebrews 12, when I have time to delve into that, but that passage,

[SPEAKER_01]: talks about the discipline of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we learned there that God disciplines his children for their good.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's not, it's not punishment.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a purposeful training, directing, correcting.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let me read for you verse 11.

[SPEAKER_01]: and you can see it there and I think I have a verse, yes, for the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes parents and grandparents can just really be uncomfortable

[SPEAKER_01]: with hearing a child cry when they're being spanked.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is unpleasant, isn't it?

[SPEAKER_01]: It's unpleasant to have to deal with correction and admonition and the physical spanking.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we must think about the fruit, think about the process, and what's happening,

[SPEAKER_01]: a child is spanked in love and with a correction and this purpose driven kind of discipline.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think sometime back we were sitting around the table with all the family and one of the little kids needed some discipline and one of the parents, the father took the child to the

[SPEAKER_01]: and uh... spank them and they were crying like it was in the world and uh... i think it's the wife he said you know sorry about that and uh... i'd like to know it's a problem and i said what i was thinking it's music to my ears that was that because i just loved here children cry no

[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's because I was thinking about the fruit of righteousness that it produces, because I know it was being done in love with care and appropriately and with the purpose to bring about the change of their way and directing them towards God's way.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's the way we need to think about discipline.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let me quickly talk about some practical things here.

[SPEAKER_01]: uh... spanking should provide sufficient pain to turn the child from their own way obviously it should be appropriate age appropriate child appropriate not every child's the same but pain from the child's perspective they should associate pain with their self-will and rebellion

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, spanking is a tool for discipline training in righteousness.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not a means of punishment, and that distinction may not seem like very much, but it's a big distinction in our purpose what we're doing.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I created a chart here, if you can see it, I'm just going to go quickly through that.

[SPEAKER_01]: It contrasts

[SPEAKER_01]: These two attitudes towards spanking.

[SPEAKER_01]: The one is for discipline, the others for punishment.

[SPEAKER_01]: The one on the right is for punishment.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it models what God does for his children.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you can go back to Hebrews 12, read that passage, and you can see there that God has a purpose in his discipline.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we as parents should have a purpose.

[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, parents, spanking for discipline

[SPEAKER_01]: as opposed to something done to a child.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a nuanced difference, isn't it?

[SPEAKER_01]: Discipline is a response to rebellion whereas punishment is a reaction or frustration and sometimes done in anger.

[SPEAKER_01]: Discipline is active love and correction and punishment is just usually a last resort kind of dealing with the problem.

[SPEAKER_01]: Discipline is used to change inward attitudes Whereas punishment really focuses on changing the outward Behaviour Or in times not even that noble, it's just It's just Causing them to realize what you're doing, I'm not going to accept You know, that kind of

[SPEAKER_01]: that kind of added to you.

[SPEAKER_01]: This one is directed towards the early years and each child is going to be different as to how old they are when you start using other means of discipline.

[SPEAKER_01]: But it has a folk, your folk sing on the child, what the child's needs are and how it impacts them.

[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas punishment.

[SPEAKER_01]: is not focused on development discipline when coupled with instruction clears the child's guilty conscience.

[SPEAKER_01]: It allows them to make it right, to confess it, to ask for forgiveness, and to move forward.

[SPEAKER_01]: It clears the air.

[SPEAKER_01]: It clears the conscious.

[SPEAKER_01]: They don't have to have to

[SPEAKER_01]: and moping and feeling guilty.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, it's God's way of dealing with forgiveness and turning to walk with the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas punishment can lead to frustration in a child.

[SPEAKER_01]: Discipline is dealing with the character of the child and leads to a self-discipline.

[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas punishment,

[SPEAKER_01]: really is void of positive instruction so those I think maybe you know help you help you to think and have a perspective on what God is saying when He talks about the rod or He talks about discipline.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just a couple of guidelines or advice about

[SPEAKER_01]: it's husband and wife parents you be united in your voice about what is what is right what's wrong what's the what's the discipline you can talk about you know the level of discipline for what a fence and so forth have a plan and don't give a command unless you intend to enforce it unless you intend to work to be obeyed

[SPEAKER_01]: towards be consistent.

[SPEAKER_01]: Have a plan and follow the plan when it's convenient and when it's not convenient, when you have time, when you don't have time, make that a commitment to deal with what you said you're going to do.

[SPEAKER_01]: So don't be wishy-washy about your discipline and from the child's perspective,

[SPEAKER_01]: Otherwise, they're always pushing the boundaries, they're always testing, it's if you really mean it, and they'll do that anyway until they see, okay, I mean daddy's serious about this.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're not just saying things.

[SPEAKER_01]: So let it be consistent, principle tailored to the child's needs, not every child's

[SPEAKER_01]: So that's just the common sense and you recognize that in your own children.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, quickly, and tons run out here.

[SPEAKER_01]: So bear with me, just I'll finish up here.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the second part of that command to bring them up, he says, bring them up in the instruction of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: This word instruction is Northeosia.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a word that's used quite often in the New Testament.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it literally means to put in the mind, put it in your mind or put it in their mind.

[SPEAKER_01]: The verb is often translated, Monish, Ed Monish.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you hear the terms sometimes new-fedic counseling.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what biblical counseling is.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's bringing it to bear up on the situation.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's directing, it's teaching, it's leading according to God's Word.

[SPEAKER_01]: And children must be taught, must be warned, must be admonished, and their context of their responsibility to the Word of God.

[SPEAKER_01]: One Corinthians 10 verse 11, that context is talking about the sins of Israel and given some examples of Israel's sin, especially there in the wilderness

[SPEAKER_01]: and the verse 11 says, now these things happen to them as examples, but they were written down for our instruction, that's the note to see it, for our instruction.

[SPEAKER_01]: On whom the ends of the age has come, Acts 20 verse 31, Paul's on testimony as he speaks to the elders there in Ephesus, before he's leaving, I go see him again, he's been with

Acts 20:31

[SPEAKER_01]: two years, and he says, therefore, be alert, remember that three years, that for three years, I did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's the same word again, admonish, and so that's what our children need.

[SPEAKER_01]: God's word is the authority.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not what

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not what we think, that's important, it's not our discipline, it's not our instruction, it's the instruction, it's the discipline of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so as parents, we dive into God's Word and see what God says, apply to our own lives, let it sink into our hearts, and then we teach that.

[SPEAKER_01]: We guide that, we instruct that, we admonish that.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, discipline and instruction go together.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there's practical ways that we can do that in the spanking process.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's no strict guidelines on how you go about it, but practically discipline and instruction needs to go together.

[SPEAKER_01]: So when we're spanking, they need to know why they're being spanked, what they should have done, what the Lord says.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, have that interchange, maybe not every time, but enough that they know what is right according to the Lord and what your expectation is in the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: But most of the time, our instruction, our admission, should be proactive.

[SPEAKER_01]: In other words, when there's not a problem, not in the context of spanking, other times,

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what Deuteronomy 6 is talking about.

[SPEAKER_01]: When it talks about, you know, when you're in your home, when you're doing this, when you're doing that, in other words, in life, life happens all around you, good and bad.

[SPEAKER_01]: And in that context, put God's word into their mind, in their heart, use those situations, those opportunities to talk about God.

[SPEAKER_01]: to talk about his word, to talk about what he has done and through the Lord Jesus Christ, to talk about our great need for Christ payment on the cross.

[SPEAKER_01]: Those are the things that we need to be putting into the hearts of our children.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm going to close the Proverbs 4 and verse 20, 23.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is the heart of a father to a son.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he says, in verse 20, my son, pay attention to my words, and climb your ear to my sayings, do not let them deviate from your eyes, keep them in the midst of your heart, for they are life to those who find them, and the healing to all his flesh.

[SPEAKER_01]: Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the springs of life.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, he brings us back to this heart issue, and that's what we need to be thinking about with our children, not just what are they doing, but we really can ask, why are they doing it?

[SPEAKER_01]: What's in the heart?

[SPEAKER_01]: What are their attitudes?

[SPEAKER_01]: What is their thinking?

[SPEAKER_01]: And we need to be parenting that to bring them up.

[SPEAKER_01]: Children have the same problem that we do.

[SPEAKER_01]: They have a heart problem.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not the physical kind of heart problem, it's the spiritual kind of heart problem.

[SPEAKER_01]: The real problem is not their behavior.

[SPEAKER_01]: The real problem is not their manners or lack their off.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not the lack of maturity, but it's their heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we need to plow up the ground, direct them in the way that they should go,

[SPEAKER_01]: but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: Father, we ask this morning that you would help us and help our parents and help us as grandparents in the ways that we can support our children to be parents, to encourage them, to support them, to think vividly.

[SPEAKER_01]: Lord, help us.

[SPEAKER_01]: We need your grace.

[SPEAKER_01]: We need the spirit of God.

[SPEAKER_01]: Help us to submit to your will.

[SPEAKER_01]: Give us boldness.

[SPEAKER_01]: Give us courage.

[SPEAKER_01]: Give us purpose and driven motivation in our our disciplined training and righteousness.

[SPEAKER_01]: We pray and ask in Jesus name.

[SPEAKER_01]: Amen.