Living the Gospel out at Home

As we open up the Word of God, I think it's going to be a great help to us.

Anybody read 1 Peter 3, the first seven verses this afternoon?

! Alright, we're going to read it right now together, though.

And I think you'll see, and listen, sometimes we read these and initially like,

whoa, man, this is going to be a crazy message.

But I've just learned that sometimes we look at these and we kind of get scared away by them.

But there's just some great practical truths.

And we're going to be talking about husbands and wives,

we're going to be talking about marriage, and you think, well, that's not me,

so I don't have to pay attention.

No, the application applies to all of us, though.

And really the idea is that we're to become more and more like Christ,

no matter what relationship we're in.

And God has a set, He has an order, He has a design.

And when we follow that, life is going to work the way it's designed to.

And that's what Peter's going to remind us here.

So you found your place there in 1 Peter 3.

We're just going to read the first seven verses.

The Bible says,

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands,

that if any obey not the word,

that they also may be without the word won by the conversation of the wives,

while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear,

whose adorning let it not be outward adorning,

of plaiting of hair or wearing of gold or of putting on an apparel,

but let it be the hidden man of the heart,

in which is not corruptible,

even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit,

which is in the sight of God of great price.

For after this manner is in the old time the holy women also,

who trusted God,

adorned themselves being in subjection unto their own husbands.

Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord,

whose daughters ye are as long as ye do well,

and are not afraid with any amazement.

Verse 7,

And likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge.

Give honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel,

and as being heirs together of the grace of life,

that your prayers be not hindered.

So we see Peter is kind of dealing with

how we live as pilgrims in a broken world.

As we continue to move forward,

and we live in a world that's not really for Christianity,

he's addressed kind of how we deal with the government,

how we address, deal with unfair situations.

And he wants us to do this.

He wants us to live the gospel out.

But he also wants it not just to be outside of the church,

and outside of our home.

He wants it to be in those places as well.

So really I want to preach a message entitled this evening,

Living Out the Gospel at Home.

That's what Peter really wants us to see.

So let's go to the Lord in prayer tonight,

and ask him to help us.

Father, thank you for this time together.

Thank you for the good singing that we've had already,

and been reminded that you are worthy of our praise.

And Lord, I pray that you would be honored and glorified

in what we say and do from here on out in the service.

Lord, that you would help me, Lord,

just to clearly articulate your word here this evening.

I pray that no matter what stage of life,

no matter what relationships we may have currently,

Lord, I pray that you would help us to honor you

and to point others to you as well.

Lord, I pray that you would just be with us now.

We'll give you all the praise that's due your name.

We ask it in Christ's name.

Amen.

Thank you.

You may be seated.

You know, there's a lot of things in life that look simple but aren't.

How many of you know you should drink more water?

And you're thinking, like, today's the day I'm going to drink water.

And you Google, like, how much water you should drink,

and you're thinking, that's not as simple as I thought it was

because it's a lot more than you realize.

I mean, maybe something simple is going to bed on time.

I mean, I don't know if you're like me.

Almost every morning when I wake up, I'm like, you know what?

I'm going to go to bed on time tonight.

It sounds simple, but it's not.

And on the flip side of that coin, waking up early,

it sounds like it should be easy, but we all know how that alarm sounds.

You know, you try to hit this snooze as quick as possible,

and you really don't care for it.

Sometimes, I mean, some of you are just generally good at it,

but sometimes cooking, it seems simple.

You can watch a cooking show, and you can have the cookbook right on the counter.

It has a beautiful picture.

And what is in that picture and what comes out of your oven is not the same thing.

Looks simple.

I mean, they got every instruction in there.

They tell you exactly what to do, and you're thinking, where did I mess up?

And it could be a DIY Pinterest project or whatever it might be.

Sometimes, I think we've learned that the hard way, more than likely,

that because something looks simple doesn't mean that it is.

And I think one of those things in life, if we kind of step back, is marriage.

I mean, before you're married, before you have kids, you think, oh, yeah, I could do that.

I mean, marriage is easy.

Raising kids has to be easy.

And I think most couples, when you stand at the altar, you're filled with excitement.

You should be.

I mean, if you're standing at the altar and you're dreading it,

you probably shouldn't be standing there.

But you're filled with excitement.

You have some dreams, and you have some hopes about the future.

And you stand there, and as you're in the audience, you listen to them make their vows to each other

and before God, and they say things like, for better or worse.

And I believe they mean it.

I know that I meant it when I stood up there, but the reality is, is life happens.

And it doesn't mean that we weren't serious about that commitment, but, you know, as you kind of get past that,

those first little, the honeymoon stage, so to speak, and I think you can stay there for a long time.

I think we should try to stay there.

But listen, bills come, children come, schedules get busy, and sometimes those personality traits you love so much,

now they're clashing.

Now they're things that's like, you know, this isn't who I signed up to be with.

In a marriage book that I recently read, the author said this,

marriage doesn't create problems nearly as much as it just reveals them.

I think that's so true.

It's not that the problems weren't there.

It's just, you know, sometimes at the beginning stages and in the dating stages,

you're kind of just enamored, and you kind of just let it go.

Oh, that's not that big a deal.

But the further you get into maybe a marriage relationship or really any marriage, any relationship,

it begins to reveal our selfishness.

It begins to reveal maybe some impatience on our part.

Maybe some pride rears its ugly head.

And while marriage can be difficult at times and it can be hard,

thankfully God can use it as one of his greatest classrooms for teaching.

Because you learn a lot about yourself.

You're going to learn about humility and forgiveness and sacrifice

and really what a Christ-like love looks like and how it acts and how it responds.

And that's really what Peter is doing here in these first seven verses.

That he's taking us and showing us what a marriage should look like.

That God has very defined roles in marriage.

And before we really move into this text, I want us to remember just a few things.

That marriage really has been under attack since the Garden of Eden.

The things that we're dealing with in our culture and our society,

our society seems to be on a quest to constantly redefine what marriage is.

The Bible is super clear.

It's one man, one woman, one lifetime.

There's really no debate about it, even though our culture says there is.

And yet they question God's design and they completely reject biblical roles.

They call it outdated.

And hey, it's 2026.

We've got to get up with the times.

But really we just see the devil has been trying to destroy marriage since the very beginning.

But yet God's design has not changed.

Marriage is not our idea.

It's not something that we've constructed in our minds and in our society.

No, Genesis 2 tells us that God created it.

That he established it before he established the government,

before he established nations, before he even established the church.

That marriage is one of God's oldest and greatest gifts to mankind.

But because two sinners live together under one roof, it can be a great challenge at times.

It can be something that is a very hard learning process.

And Peter understands that.

And he's writing, as we were reminded, to a people that are having difficulty in life.

And sometimes when difficulty is outside of the home and work is stressful and life is stressful and they're dealing with persecution,

sometimes it only intensifies kind of the pressure with inside the home.

And who Peter is writing to as his initial readers is some of the believers that would have received this letter were married to unbelieving spouses.

At this time, Christianity was still a new thing.

So it wasn't like everybody just had been passed down from generations and generations.

No, it's still relatively new.

And some people had come to Christ just recently and their spouse would have been still an unbeliever.

And some of the wives who had trusted Christ, their husbands had not.

And Paul's going to address that.

We see that.

And some of the husbands here are trying to learn what it means to lead like Jesus in a culture that doesn't lead like that.

In a culture that really viewed, we'll see in a minute, viewed women as property.

That they had no say.

They had no ability to help.

And that's not what Peter is saying.

And he's saying, listen, God has a design and Peter writes to show them and to show us that the gospel doesn't just change where our eternity is.

Just like it changes how we respond to government and unfair circumstances, the gospel also changes how we live within our own home.

How we treat one another as husband and wife.

How we treat our children.

And as we've walked through 1 Peter, we've noticed that he's been building this continuous argument.

He's been answering these questions that what does it look like to live as God's people in a world that often just opposes him.

And Peter's shown us that our heavenly citizenship should affect every earthly relationship.

No matter who it is.

It should affect how you respond to your boss.

It should affect how you respond to your coworkers.

And even if you don't get along with them and you have some difficulty there.

But it surely should help you live life with your spouse.

And so he addresses that.

And he brings these gospel principles inside the front door of our homes.

And really the common thread that is running through chapter 2 and into these first seven verses of 1 Peter chapter 3.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

It's not just about submission.

We talked about that a little bit last week.

And submission is a word that sometimes we run from and we misunderstand.

But really the theme is this.

It's about living under the lordship and the authority of Jesus Christ in every single area of our life.

That's what Peter wants us to understand and to be reminded that when we do that, life is going to be much better for us.

See, every relationship that we have, every relationship that is real in our life, it asks the same question.

Will Christ be lord in this relationship?

Is Christ the main thing in this relationship?

Because here's a problem sometimes whether it's in the home or at work or wherever.

When we think that we're the authority, when we think we're the one in charge, everything else gets out of whack.

It gets all in a bad situation.

And it's just as the previous section that we looked at at the end of chapter number 2 ended with the example of Christ.

Because he's the goal.

He's the aim.

We saw his suffering.

We saw his submission.

Peter shows us now what it looks like to submit to him within the marriage and how it can affect it there.

So here's the big idea that we're going to look at as we walk through this text.

That the gospel transforms marriage as husbands and wives willingly honor Christ by fulfilling his design and submitting to his authority.

That is what he is showing us here.

And we do that by how we humble ourselves, how we love each other, and how we extend grace back and forth.

Kind of like a little bit we talked about this morning.

So here's the question if you're taking notes.

How does the gospel shape a Christ-centered marriage?

The first thing that we're going to see is really found in the first six verses is this.

It changes this by wives display the beauty of Christ.

Now Peter starts here in these verses addressing the wives.

Not because of the order and different things.

Because we have to remember the Bible was not written to us.

We have to go back to the context of who it was written to.

And especially in these days, the women and the wives were in a very difficult position culturally.

The Roman world was a difficult place for a woman.

She didn't really have any rights.

And she was generally expected to adopt the religion of her husband.

And so Paul's addressing kind of a situation that many of these people who have been reading it,

they would have been women that had been saved by Jesus Christ, but their husbands haven't.

So how do they deal with that?

How do they move forward?

Because culture says, listen, you've got to be the same religion your husband is.

You've got to be this situation.

And so imagine a woman hearing the gospel, placing her faith in Christ,

and returning to her home that wants nothing to do with Jesus.

What should she do?

Should she constantly argue with him?

Should she lecture him every day about how he's wrong?

Should she demand that he change?

That's kind of what Peter is going to answer here.

He answers with wisdom through the Holy Spirit.

And he shows us this in verse number one.

He says, likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.

Now right off the get-go, I just want to mention this.

Some people misapply this and kind of connect that likewise to the end of chapter two

and kind of lump wives in them with the same idea of servants.

That is not what Peter is saying here.

What Peter is talking about, he really is just using it as a transition.

He could have said, okay, we've talked about it in this place and this place.

Now I want to talk about this same situation, the same submission when it comes to marriage.

Because that is the goal.

That is the theme.

And in every case that we look at, and same in this one with husbands and wives, the motivation is the same.

We are to submit to one another because Jesus is Lord.

That is his goal.

That is his aim in that situation.

And before we go any further, I just want to make sure we do understand something important.

That we hear the word submission.

You know, we hear subjection here.

You go to Ephesians chapter five and wives submit to your husbands and we hear that word.

And maybe in our culture today we think immediately of weakness, inferiority, or oppression.

But that is not biblical submission.

That is not what Jesus is talking about.

Biblical submission is none of those definitions.

See, submission is not about value.

It's about order.

That is what Jesus is teaching.

That is what Peter is teaching.

And Jesus himself, you know what he did?

He submitted to the Father's will while he was here on earth.

And I think we would agree that Jesus wasn't lower.

No, he was equal with God.

Yet he thought it not robbery.

But he submitted himself.

And what Peter is telling us right off the get-go when we talk about subjection.

That marriage works best when both, not just the wife.

But when both the husband and the wife, they joyfully embrace the role God has designed.

That God has placed into the relationship.

That God has required of them.

So Peter is not saying here in these few opening words of chapter number three, he is not telling women to become silent doormats.

Because people have taken this text and they have wrenched it to pieces.

That is not what Peter is saying.

He's not saying that a woman has no voice and no say in the home.

No, here's what he's calling women, especially in wives, to do.

To display the beauty of Christ through humble trust in God.

Knowing that God is in control.

So here's what he says.

He says, likewise ye wives be in subjection.

Notice this phrase.

To your own husbands.

That's super important.

Peter does not say, hey listen up ladies, you have to submit to all men.

That is nowhere to be found here in this text.

No, what he is dealing with is marriage.

He's saying, listen, this is the order.

That doesn't mean that a woman, every time a man does, she has to do whatever any man says.

No, no.

He said, be in subjection to your own husband.

And then he presents a kind of an unusual situation.

He's talking about a husband that does not know the word.

Does not know Christ.

Does not know him as his savior.

And the wives now face a difficult situation.

How do you influence somebody who doesn't believe what you believe?

And that situation, it wasn't just a situation in Peter's day.

It still is a situation today.

And many wives are maybe in a relationship like that.

And Peter's answer surprises us.

He says this in verse number one.

They also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.

Now what Peter is not saying, he isn't saying that husbands can be saved apart from the word of God.

Now the Bible is still very clear in Romans chapter 10 verse 17 that faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

Romans 10:17

The gospel must still be heard and still be believed and place our faith and trust in Christ.

But what he is saying, that word conversation is conduct.

Lifestyle.

How we live our lives.

He is saying, what a wife can do is she can make the gospel attractive by how she lives her life.

By how she responds.

That she doesn't, she's not setting out to win every single argument.

She doesn't need to preach a sermon every single morning.

Instead her life becomes the sermon.

And that's true in any relationship.

Listen, God didn't call you to go to your workplace and drop the hammer on him all the time.

You know what he called you to do?

Live the gospel out.

That we are to speak the truth.

But we're to speak it in love and we're to show Christ to those around us.

And it doesn't mean that a wife is never to speak about Christ in a relationship like this.

Or any relationship that we come across.

But it means that she knows the gospel sounds much louder when it's backed up by a life that's transformed.

You know, we say it like this.

We need to practice what we preach.

That's what Peter is saying here.

If you're in a situation like this or you know somebody's in a situation and they say, what should I do here?

Here's what he says.

Hey, practice what you preach.

If Jesus Christ really changed your life, then it needs to show up in your life.

That's what Peter says in verse number two.

He says, why?

Because your husband is watching.

He's speaking of the husbands while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

They see the conduct.

They see the way of life.

And believers with unbelieving spouses should live every day in such a way that every conversation, every response, every act that they do points their spouse towards Christ.

That's what Peter is saying.

That's how we should live our life.

And while Peter is addressing wives with unbelieving husbands, the principle goes much further.

We're kind of piggybacking on what Jesus was teaching there in Luke 17 this morning.

That every Christian, we have to remember there are people watching us.

There are people seeing how we respond, how we live, what our life really points to.

Does it match up to what we say we believe?

And he's just telling them, listen, your life should constantly reinforce the gospel.

It should not contradict it.

It shouldn't say, well, I thought you go to church all the time, but that's how you're going to act?

You know, and listen, they're wrong for that.

But we have to make sure that we are presenting Christ in a way that is attracted.

That's what God has called us to do.

And so what Peter does now is he kind of moves from this outward influence to really the inward character of these wives that he is addressing.

Verse number 3 and 4, the Bible says this.

Now, at first glance, these verses seem a little confusing.

These verses, and there's some other verses similar to this in 1 Corinthians, that people take and I don't know where they go with it.

It gets a little crazy.

Is Peter saying that Christian women shouldn't braid their hair?

They shouldn't wear jewelry?

They shouldn't have nice clothes?

Absolutely not.

That is not what Peter is talking about.

There are people that have taken that and built a whole doctrine around these type of things.

Peter is not forbidding outward beauty, but what he is wanting us to understand, he's wanting wives especially to understand,

he's wanting to make sure that our priorities are in the right place.

Because Peter is contrasting what the world emphasizes and what God treasures.

See, it was the same here in the first century as it is today.

The world says this, beauty is on the outside.

But God reminds us constantly throughout Scripture that beauty begins on the inside.

Everything about the Christian life is an inward transformation.

God changes our heart before he changes the outside many times.

That's what he wants because if he has your heart, then things are going to change.

And he wants us to focus on that.

And I mean, we look at our own culture, and especially when it comes to hygiene and makeup and all that stuff,

man, places like Ulta scare me to death.

Because I go in there because I'm like, I've got to buy a present.

And they're like, sir, what are you looking for?

I'm like, I have no idea.

I'm like, I'm just here, I'm just picking up things.

I'm like, well, I know she likes chapsticks, so I'm just going to get a bunch of that, you know.

But I mean, in all seriousness, our culture spends billions of dollars, billions of dollars every year convincing people,

convincing women that, hey, happiness is found in this product, and it can be found in the latest fashion.

And Peter's reminding us all the way back in the first century, those things don't reach the heart.

That's not going to change how we live.

That's not going to change our conversation.

That's not going to point other people to the gospel.

Because I'm sure you have found this out as well.

If not, just look at old photos.

Hair changes.

Style changes.

Thankfully on some of it.

I love looking at old photos when I go to my grandma's house, and I'm like, you know, back in their yearbook,

they had the little squares.

Their hair was so tall, it couldn't even fit in the little squares.

It just looked like a beehive up there.

I'm like, you know, if you saw somebody like that today, you're like, I think that's out of style a little bit.

The idea is sometimes we put so much effort into being in style and being in vogue, and there's nothing wrong with, like, taking care of yourself.

Peter's not going against that.

But here's the thing.

Bodies age and wrinkles come, and Peter says all those things are going to fade away.

But if God has your heart, if you're displaying the beauty of Christ and not just some outward beauty,

that's going to make a difference in the life of your husband.

That's going to make a difference in the lives of those around you.

That's what Peter says in verse number four.

He said, but let it be the hidden man of the heart.

That idea is it's focused, that we need to focus, and he's telling these wives especially, focus on who you really are.

The person that God sees, because that's what your husband needs to see.

That's what your kids need to see.

That's what your friends need to see.

Not this outward facade, but who you really are, that God is working in your life.

And then Peter specifically highlights this, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.

I think every verse we go through is extremely misunderstood.

And I think this is one of these phrases, that Peter is not describing personality.

That is not what a meek and quiet spirit is.

It's not the fact that he's saying that if you're a Christian woman, you have to be naturally quiet.

Some of you, that's a good thing.

My wife is so quiet naturally.

No, but in all seriousness, we've had conversations about it.

For a long time, I mean, growing up, I've even heard this, and I thought, and she even wrestled with it.

But that's not what the Bible is talking about.

It's not talking about you have to have this very quiet personality.

You can't speak up.

In fact, I think when you read the Bible, the Bible is full of very bold women.

I think of people like Deborah and Esther and Priscilla and Lydia and Martha and Mary Magdalene.

I think when you read Proverbs 31, the woman, the Proverbs 31 woman, she certainly isn't passive.

I mean, she's a go-getter.

She gets it done.

She takes care of her family.

I'm not sure when she sleeps because she rises early.

She's up late.

She's doing these things.

I mean, we see women all throughout the Bible that are bold, and they love the Lord.

But what Peter describes when it comes to a meek and quiet spirit is a spirit of humble trust in God.

That meekness, here's what it is.

It is power under control.

It's not that they can't do it.

No, it's the fact they decide, I'm going to come under the authority of Christ.

I'm going to submit to that.

That is what a meek and quiet spirit is.

That it's not like, hey, our world's all about, hey, be a boss lady.

No, here's what Jesus says, that we all should submit to Christ.

That we all should be under him.

That we take what power and gifts we have, and we place them under his authority.

A woman that has a meek and quiet spirit is a woman whose heart rests confidently in God.

Who's gentle because she is secure in Christ.

A woman whose peace is not controlled by circumstances.

She understands that God is in control of her life.

She doesn't have to dominate every conversation.

She doesn't have to be in control of everything.

No, here's what a woman like that does.

She just trusts the Lord.

He says that's what you should strive for.

That's going to make a difference when people get to know who you really are.

And then Peter says something remarkable.

That type of woman, which is in the sight of God, of great price.

See, what God is describing here, the world doesn't applaud that.

The world applauds physical beauty and notices expensive clothes and measures people, especially women, by appearance.

But what Peter's describing here is God applauds spiritual beauty.

He notices humble hearts.

He measures the character of the woman.

That's what God looks at.

I mean, we know the verse, and it's been misquoted and misused many times to do whatever you want.

No, but what the truth is, is as God reminded Samuel, man looketh on the outward appearance.

But God looks on the heart.

See, he looked, Samuel came and said, man, David's got to be the king.

He said, listen, it's not about how they look.

I mean, he said, David's brother's got to be the king.

He said, not how he looks.

I'm looking for a man after my own heart.

That's why David was king.

See, that's always been true, whether it's King David or a wife or a husband or a child,

that we need to focus on the inward man, the hidden man, the things that really make a difference.

Proverbs 31, 30 summarizes Peter's point so beautifully.

It says this, favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

Listen, God's not against beauty.

Thankfully, he made women a lot more beautiful than he did men.

You should be thankful if you're married.

I mean, like, that was your chance, man, setting you up, softball.

Hit it out of the park next time.

But here's what he reminds us, that beauty is temporary.

The fear of the Lord becomes more beautiful with every passing year.

The woman who walks closely with Jesus becomes increasingly more beautiful to her husband and to her children and to those around her.

Why?

Because Christ is shaping her heart.

That's what Peter is saying.

That's what, especially to this group of people that were maybe living with unbelieving husbands,

he said, that's what your husband needs to see.

That's the beauty you should pursue.

And that's the application for all of us, not just for women.

I mean, we naturally spend time caring for our bodies.

I mean, we exercise sometimes.

We eat all the time because our stomach tells us, hey, it's time to eat.

We take care of it that way.

Hopefully, we brush our teeth.

We try to fix our hair to the best of our ability.

There's nothing wrong with these things.

But Peter's kind of helping us focus in on this thought.

How much time do we spend cultivating our soul?

How much time do we allow God to shape our heart?

Do we spend as much time in God's word as we do in front of a mirror?

Do we care as much about Christ-likeness as we do our appearance?

That's what he wants us to ask ourselves.

Because that's what's going to matter.

In the long run, that's what's going to help our life.

See, God never is condemning outward care and appearance of our life.

But he simply insists that the inward beauty always should come first.

That that should be the priority of our life.

So Peter has shown us where true beauty comes from.

It comes inward from the heart that God is controlling, that God is shaping.

And now he gives some examples.

He points to some women who actually live this way.

Because just like we mentioned this morning, sometimes it's easier to learn a truth when you see it played out.

Because sometimes you think, well, I'm not sure.

That's not even possible.

But he gives us some role models in verse number 5.

For after this manner, in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham.

Notice what Peter says there at the very beginning, though.

He says their greatest characteristic wasn't submission.

It wasn't their beauty.

It wasn't their hospitality.

No, in verse 5, here's the great characteristic of godly women.

They trusted God.

That's the very first thing he mentions.

For after this manner, in the holy time, holy women also, who trusted in God.

What he's reminding us is their hope.

And he gives Sarah as an example.

It wasn't in their husband.

Sarah wasn't hoping that Abraham was going to save her life.

No, her confidence wasn't in the circumstances around it.

Their security wasn't found in all of the things that they had.

No, their hope was in the Lord.

And she was willing to submit.

Because she understood what God was doing and how God was working in her life.

And when we trust God's wisdom, we're going to willingly obey his design.

And that's what we see.

Now, if you've read the book of Genesis, and you've read the story of Abraham and Sarah,

you know very quickly, Sarah was not perfect.

Sarah laughed when God promised her a son.

And I'd imagine pretty much all the women in here and the husbands would have laughed.

Because they weren't real young.

They were way up there in years.

She said, I'm way too old for that.

And God said, I'm going to give you a son.

She said, yeah, right.

And they named him Isaac, which means laughter.

She was the one that suggested that Abraham go into Hagar, the handmaid.

Because it seemed like God had forgotten the promises.

She had moments of weakness.

And Peter isn't presenting Sarah as this perfect woman.

No, he's presenting her as a woman whose hope was ultimately in the Lord.

And I'm thankful God doesn't, hey, she wasn't perfect.

God doesn't use perfect people.

There are none.

You know who he uses, though?

People that trust him.

That's what Sarah did.

She had ups and downs, but ultimately she trusted God.

And she was on board and she knew that God was going to do it.

And Peter reminds them at the end of verse number six,

whose daughters ye are, as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement.

That last little phrase, it could be translated like this,

don't give in to fear.

Because maybe they would have got down to this point and said, okay, I can do that.

But you know what?

Sometimes we start thinking about it.

It's easy to agree with it off the bat.

But how does it happen when you walk out of these doors and live it?

You know what happens a lot of times?

Fear starts to creep in.

I think fear is one of the greatest tools that Satan uses in his arsenal.

Maybe some of the women were thinking, well, what if my husband never changes?

What if I do all these things and really live a life like this and he doesn't change?

What if following God's design, what if I try these things and it makes my life so much harder?

It's just easy right now and, you know, I'm comfortable with it.

And why don't we just let it be this way?

What if I lose what little control that I have?

And Peter's reminding these believing wives, your confidence isn't how your husband reacts.

Your confidence should be in how your holy father, your heavenly father, will take care of you.

That's what he wants them to understand.

And before we move on to husbands, I just want to make sure we make something very clear.

Because Peter is addressing believers.

He's addressing within a local church.

He's writing these letters.

They would have received it.

Because this passage many times has been misunderstood and even really misused throughout the history of the church.

Because I want us to make sure that we understand this, that biblical submission never means participating in sin.

Because it says to honor your husband and be in subjection to him.

But if a husband asks his wife to disobey Christ, Christ's authority always comes first in any relationship.

I mean, Peter was in the same spot when they were arrested for preaching the gospel.

And he told the Pharisees and the Sanhedrin, he said, hey, we ought to obey God rather than men.

My allegiance isn't to you.

My allegiance is to Christ and Christ alone.

And submission is never permission for abuse.

Peter is not telling women here to remain silent in the face of physical abuse or sexual abuse or sinful manipulation.

That is not what he is saying here.

We can't take this out of context and apply it to situations that are knowingly wrong.

That the ultimate authority in every Christian marriage is not the husband.

It is Christ alone.

That is who is in control.

So now Peter turns from wives in the first six verses and to the husbands in verse number seven.

And you think, well, why do wives get six verses and husbands only get one?

That's all we can handle.

I mean, I thought about it a long time.

I think that's a really good explanation.

Because I would imagine most of you would say, I mean, your wives can do six different things at one time.

Like I am.

I got to focus on one thing.

I'm like, just tell me, just tell her, tell me what you want me to do right here and I can do that.

But in all seriousness, in this one verse, Peter calls Christian husbands, here's what he wants them to do.

He wants them to reflect the heart of Christ.

That is the job of a husband.

Just as likewise connected the first six verses to the other idea of submission, it connects the husband to submission as well.

And he's not changing thoughts.

He's not changing the conversation.

No, he's saying this.

The husband is no less responsible to live under the authority of Christ than his wife.

That he has the same submission.

That God is calling him to submit as well.

And if anything, I think Peter raises the bar a little bit higher as he should for the man.

Because if he is the one that is the leader in the home, we see it in Ephesians chapter 5 as well, that he shows, hey, a husband is to love his wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

That is the love that he is supposed to display.

So what is a husband called to do?

In verse number 7, he's called to dwell with them according to knowledge.

He's giving husbands really just some super practical advice.

I mean, you can read all kinds of marriage books.

Peter just nails it in one verse.

Here's what he's saying to us as husbands, to the men.

He's saying, you need to know your wife.

You need to study her.

You need to understand her.

You need to become a lifelong student of your wife.

Here's what he's saying.

Men, pay attention.

You're welcome, ladies.

I'm trying to do the best I can in my own marriage.

But that's really what he's saying.

I mean, go back to when you were dating.

I mean, you knew everything.

Why?

Because you were trying to impress her.

You were trying to show her that you listened.

You're trying to show her that you cared.

I mean, you took care of yourself.

You fixed your hair.

You brushed your teeth.

You did all the things that we talked about earlier.

I mean, you were there, and you noticed what encouraged her.

You noticed what brought her joy, and you brought those things.

You'd show up randomly and bring her coffee or bring her flowers or whatever kind of what she appreciated.

You knew what discouraged her.

You learned what not to say.

Now you're like, we're married.

I can say whatever I want.

I'm pretty sure that's not what Peter says right here.

I'm pretty sure that's not how he tells us to live.

He said, learn what weighs on her heart.

See, the longer that you're married, the more you should know about your wife, not less.

That every day is an opportunity to know her more, to learn more about her.

I mean, if we're not careful, it can be easy for us to assume, well, I've known her for 20 years.

Wow.

This is going to be shocking news, but sometimes people grow.

Sometimes people change.

Sometimes likes change.

Sometimes things.

I mean, my wife just found out I like golden Oreos more than regular Oreos.

See, it's just a constant process.

Life changes.

Needs change.

Responsibilities change.

Work changes.

Whatever it may be.

And we can't just assume, well, you know what?

I told her I loved her when I was at the altar, and if it changes, I'll let her know.

It's just not a great way to live.

I mean, that's what Peter's saying.

You've got to have some knowledge about it.

You've got to be serious about it.

We're not just to love our wives a whole bunch at the beginning and then just kind of let it be and just let it coast through the rest.

Think about how Jesus loves you.

He knows you better than anybody, and he loves you better than anybody.

He knows your weakness.

He knows your fears.

He knows your joys.

He knows everything about it.

And he doesn't love from a distance and say, hey, I told you I loved you a long time ago when you got saved.

No, I feel in my own life that he loves me more every single day.

That he's constantly pursuing me.

That he's constantly desiring a relationship for me.

And Christian husbands should reflect that same kind of intentional love.

That's what Peter's reminding us.

That we're not just to grow in our knowledge of them personally.

We're to grow into our knowledge of them as humans, in a physical way.

Notice what he says there.

He says, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel.

As you can see, almost every one of these verses, I'm sure you probably heard them just kind of messed all up.

Peter is not saying that women are spiritually weaker.

I would submit the majority of women are spiritually stronger than most men.

And I think that somewhat is the issue even in Christianity and our culture.

It's not that women can't do it, but it's the fact that men are so lazy they're just going to let their wife do it.

I think it's a big problem within the church.

He's not saying that women are intellectually weaker.

He's not saying that they're less valuable.

No, in just a minute we're going to look at it.

He says, no, they get the same things you do.

They're heirs of the same grace.

But here's what Peter's doing.

He's just simply recognizing what God designed.

I mean, generally speaking, God has given men greater physical strength.

But notice what Peter does not say to use that strength for.

He doesn't say, use your strength to control.

He doesn't say, use your strength to intimidate.

Use your strength to demand your way.

Here's what he says to use your strength for, to honor her.

To show her that you love her.

See, God gave husbands the strength they have so they can protect and they can provide and they can serve and they can sacrifice.

That's what he's called us to do.

That sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Because that's exactly what Jesus did.

That's why we're to reflect the heart of Christ because that's what he did.

Jesus possessed all authority and yet he washed feet.

Jesus possessed all power and yet he served.

Jesus possessed all glory and yet he humbled himself.

Biblical leadership, biblical submission always uses strength to serve.

And men, I just want to remind you, your wife should never have to wonder if she's safe with you.

Your words and your actions and your leadership, it should make her feel loved and valued and protected and cherished.

That's what Peter is reminding us.

That's what he calls us to do.

And we're not just to grow in our knowledge of our wives personally, but of them spiritually.

It says there in verse number 7, and being heirs together of the grace of life.

I mean, what a beautiful statement.

Especially in this setting.

Especially in the first century.

In a culture where women were much treated like property.

And here's what Peter is saying.

Men, I want you to remember who she is.

What value she has.

And I want to remind all the husbands in here tonight and future husbands.

Before she's your wife, she is a daughter of God.

That's what Peter is saying.

That as men, we don't have some special privilege and we get certain things when we get to heaven.

No, we're all saved by the same blood.

We're all forgiven the same way, by the same Savior.

We're indwelt by the same Holy Spirit.

And we are all fellow heirs of the same eternal life.

He's reminding us that we're equal before the cross.

That we're equal in salvation.

That we're equal in value.

But yes, God has given us different roles.

And when you remember that as a husband, you're going to speak differently to her.

You're going to lead differently.

You're going to listen differently.

You're going to forgive differently.

And then Peter closes with a really strong warning given to the husbands.

He said, why should you live like this?

Why should you do these things?

The very last phrase, that your prayers be not hindered.

See, what Peter is saying in this last little phrase of verse number 7 is that your relationship with your wife is going to affect your relationship with your heavenly father.

That a husband cannot continually ignore and belittle and dishonor and mistreat his wife and expect some intimate fellowship with his heavenly father.

And it really, honestly, it doesn't matter what relationship it is.

Sin always affects fellowship.

If we're having problems here vertically with people, we're going to have issues here, I mean horizontally, we're going to have issues vertically with God.

Because I'm pretty sure Jesus said this, love God, love people.

We can't have this wonderful relationship with God and just have problems all the time with everybody else.

It does not work that way.

See, God takes the way that we treat our spouse very seriously.

I mean, men, you can know the Bible, you can teach a class, you can serve in the church, you can preach a sermon.

But if we continually fail to love and honor our wives, Peter says this, something spiritually is bad wrong.

We need to check our heart.

And as I close, I just want to remind us of one last truth.

That marriage is not just about you and your spouse.

Marriage ultimately is about this.

It's about pointing people to Christ.

That's what it is.

If all you saw in these seven verses was marriage advice, I think you missed Peter's point.

I think when you go to Ephesians chapter 5, you missed Paul's point.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

That marriage was never intended to be an end of itself.

No, it was designed to point people to Christ.

After Paul gives that big list, much like this one in Ephesians 5, he talks about wives submitting to your husbands and husbands loving your wives as the church.

He says this, this is a great mystery.

He said, but I'm going to let you know what it is.

I speak concerning Christ and the church.

You know what every marriage is intended to be?

It's intended to be a living picture of the gospel.

See, when a husband sacrificially loves his wife, he reflects the love that Christ had for his church.

And when a wife honors and supports her husband, she reflects the church's joyful submission to Jesus' authority.

That is the picture.

Neither role, a husband or a wife, exists to elevate themselves.

Both roles exist for one thing, to exalt Jesus Christ.

Christ, that's exactly what Paul is saying.

That's exactly what Peter is saying.

And Peter has reminded us throughout this letter, and he's going to continue to do so, that the world is watching.

And our marriages are either going to adorn the gospel, they're going to beautify it, or they're going to obscure it.

They're going to say, if that's what a Christian marriage looks like, I think I'll just take my chances doing it the way the world does it.

I don't even need to get married.

We'll just say, hey, we're just going to live together, and we'll just be fine, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

That's not how God designed marriage.

That's not why he calls us to marriage.

But we do understand this, that no marriage is perfect.

And that's why the answer isn't, if you're having marriage problems, try harder.

No, the answer to any situation in marriage is this.

Walk closer with Jesus.

And that goes for any relationship that we have.

You want your life to be better?

You want to be a better husband, a better wife, a better son, a better daughter, a better friend, a better co-worker?

Walk closer with Jesus.

Submit to the authority of Christ.

See, when two people are both pursuing Jesus, they naturally grow closer to one another.

That's how he wants it to be.

See, a Christ-centered marriage doesn't point people to a perfect husband or a perfect wife.

No, really what it should do is say, I want what they have.

How do they have that?

You ask them, here's what they're going to say.

Jesus.

Listen, we have our problems.

I love talking to older people that have been married a long time.

Some of my favorite people to talk to was Brother Ross and Miss Merrill Tamplin.

I didn't know I was going to say this.

But they would come in here.

They've been married, what, 74 years and nine months, holding hands.

I always thought to myself, man, I want that.

I want to make it all the way to the end, loving my wife like that.

Brother Ross said, you know how we got here?

Jesus.

That's exactly how it happens.

It wasn't some secret formula.

He didn't give me ten books to go read.

I'm not against that.

I think sometimes we need some help in different things like that.

But I'm thankful for people that lived it out in this church.

And we have some people in here that have been married a long, long time.

If you're a younger married couple, look at those people.

You're going to find out real quickly.

You spend some time with them, ask the wife.

They'll tell you they're not perfect, at least the husband.

But you know what?

You're going to find out they love Jesus.

They're trying the very best they can to serve him.

See, because the gospel isn't something we simply believe.

It's something we live.

And when two people live out the gospel, it changes a marriage.

It changes a relationship.

Anybody can appear spiritual for an hour on a Sunday.

But the people who know us best, our spouse, our children, our family, they know who we really are.

Jesus didn't say go out and preach the gospel to the whole world and just the world.

You know, he said, take it home with you.

That's one of the greatest training grounds that we have.

That we live the gospel out.

The things we hear, we teach to our children.

That we love our wives the same way.

It needs to be on display at home.

And I'll leave you with this thought and we're done.

A Christ-centered marriage isn't built by two perfect people.

It's built by two imperfect people who continually surrender to a perfect Savior.

See, Peter's not addressing all this weird submission things and things that our world takes.

No, that's what he's saying.

That's what's going to make a difference.

And will we be a people that live that way?

So that we can share the gospel with everybody that we come in contact with.

Would you stand with your head?