Rick Warren - The Amazing Power of Forgiveness Part 1

Hello, and thanks for joining us here on Pastor Rick's

Daily Hope. Well today we continue in our series called

God's Prescription for a Healthy Life. In it, Pastor Rick

will show you how to improve your health physically, spiritually,

relationally and emotionally by applying the five essentials needed for

a more vibrant life. If you want to have what

it takes to live out your calling in life, stay

with us for this amazing series. Now, in just a

few moments, we're going to tell you about the Daniel

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This out of the box approach to a healthy lifestyle

is based on five essentials faith, food, fitness, focus and friends.

You can find out more right now by going to

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you can just text the word daily to eight hundred

six hundred five thousand and four. That's Pastorick dot com,

or the word Daily to eight hundred six hundred five

thousand and four. Right now, here's Pastor Rick with part

one of a message called the Amazing Power of Forgiveness.

I don't know a more important subject than the issue

of forgiveness because our world is filled with conflict, and

families are filled with conflict, and marriages are filled with conflict.

The problem is most people think they understand forgiveness, but

they really don't. Forgiveness may be the most misused, misapplied,

misunderstood quality in our culture. We think we know what

forgiveness is all about, but we really don't. And to

start us off tonight, I thought we'd begin with a

little quiz. So look on your paper there now, no cheating, okay,

no looking at the person next to your's paper, Okay,

just write true or false. There's a t r F

down there, and don't worry about it. If you get

any of these wrong, I forgive you. Okay, So and

don't say it aloud. Okay, we'll go over these together

Nunmber through Number one, A person should not be forgiven

until he asks for it, and you can check the

t are the F there for true or false? A

person should not be forgiven until he asked for it, okay.

Number two, forgiving includes minimizing the offense and the pain cost.

Forgiving includes minimizing the offense and the pain cost. Number

three forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship. Forgiveness

includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship. Tr F, TRU

or false. Number four, you haven't really forgiven until you've

forgotten the offense. You haven't really forgiven until you've forgotten

the offense, And you can write true or false. And

then finally number five, when I see somebody hurt, it

is my duty to forgive the offender. Now, I'm not

talking about if you hurt somebody, but you see somebody

hurt by somebody else, it is my duty to forgive

the offender. All right, everybody got their answers done? Okay.

When you read the Bible and you see what God

has to say about forgiveness, we discover that all five

of those statements are false. All five of them are false. Now,

do I have your attention? When I say most people

don't understand forgiveness, I mean it, most people don't understand forgiveness.

So tonight what we're gonna do is we're gonna look

at what is real forgiveness, and then we're gonna look

at why must I forgive the people who've hurt me

in my life? And they have nothing to do with

the person themselves who hurt you. And then we're going

to look at how do I forgive? And in the

middle of it all, you're going to hear the most

dramatic story of forgiveness. So let's get right into it first.

What is real forgiveness? You might write these down Number one.

It isn't conditional. It isn't conditional. Real forgiveness is unconditional.

There's no attachment to it. You don't earn it, you

don't deserve it, you don't bargain for it. Forgiveness is

not based on a promise to never do it again.

It's just unconditional. You offer it to somebody, whether they

ask for it or not. You know, when somebody says

I will forgive you if or if you say it's

somebody else, I will forgive you. If that's not forgiveness,

that's bargaining. If you do this, I'll do this, it's bargaining.

Forgiveness is always unconditional, and if you put a condition

an if on it, it's not really forgiveness. When Jesus

stretched out his hands on the cross and he said, Father,

forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing. When

he said that nobody had asked for it, nobody had said, oh,

please forgive me Jesus for what they're doing to you.

He just offered it. He took the initiative. And forgiveness

is always your initiative. You forgive the person, whether they

ask for it or whether they don't, whether they change

or whether they don't, whatever, you just offer forgiveness unconditionally.

Number two, it isn't minimizing the seriousness of the fence. Forgiveness.

Real forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense.

And what I mean by that is when somebody comes

and they ask for forgiveness and the needs say, well,

it's no big deal. He really didn't hurt. It's okay,

it didn't really bother me, it wasn't that big a deal.

If it wasn't a big deal, you don't need forgiveness

and you don't need to offer it. That actually cheapens forgiveness.

Forgiveness is only for the big stuff. You don't use

it on little slights that are, you know, just minor issues.

If it really requires forgiveness, then you should not minimize it.

When somebody asks you for forgiveness and you shouldn't say, well,

it wasn't a big deal, it was a big deal.

If it wasn't a big deal, you just say, oh,

you don't need to ask forgiveness. But if it was,

you need to admit it. Now. The fact is there

are a lot of big deals in life. Have you

noticed that it's easy to get hurt in a big

way and when you minimize it. If somebody went out

and tried to minimize what happened at nine to eleven, well,

that cheapens forgiveness. You don't put it down. And you

need to understand the difference between being wounded and being wronged.

They're not the same. Wounded requires not forgiveness, but just

patience and acceptance. Being wrong required forgiveness. For instance, wounded

is unintentional. If somebody comes out and they just say something,

it kind of hurt your feelings, but they didn't really

know what they were doing and they didn't mean it,

or you know, they just kind of blab off of

them out. It wasn't intentional. That's the difference. When you're wounded,

it's unintentional. They didn't mean to hurt you. When you're wrong,

they did it intentionally. They lied to you, or they

gossiped about you, or they hurt you physically. They did

it intentionally to hurt you, and wrongs require forgiveness. Wounds

only require acceptance and you know, patience. So somebody just

says something about you and hurt your feeling, or they

didn't notice your new hairdoo or something like that, that

doesn't require forgiveness. I mean, let me give an example.

Let's just say, now, I know this would never happen,

but let's say you didn't like the way I dress

and you think, you know, I think pastors should be

a little bit more formal than Rick. Well, I don't

need your forgiveness. I just need your acceptance. You just go, oh,

that's just Rick. You know, he's kind of a dork,

you know, I mean, he's and you get the good

and the bad together, you know, and when you when you,

when you get Rick, you get this and then that,

and you're like, we're all we've all got our weaknesses.

And what I need from you is just your patience

with me. I need your acceptance. I certainly don't need

your forgiveness because I haven't intentionally wronged you. I may

have wounded you in some way, maybe I overlooked you

on the patio, but I didn't intentionally wrong you, and

so I need acceptance, not forgiveness. On the other hand,

is somebody really intends to do it and they wrong you,

then they need to forgive you. So what am I saying?

Forgiveness is always reserved for the big stuff, and when

you minimize a hurt, you actually cheapen forgiveness. That makes sense, Okay.

Number three, It isn't resuming a relationship without change. Forgiveness

is not resuming a relationship without change.

You're listening to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope Rip will be

back in just a moment with the rest of today's lesson.

If you've missed any part of today's teaching, you can

listen online anytime at pastor dot com. That's pastor rick

dot com.

The truth is most of us don't pay much attention

to our health until something goes wrong. We put on

a couple of pounds every year and think no big deal, right,

But a few pounds over five or ten years really

adds up and can even lead to major illnesses like

diabetes and heart disease. That's why Pastor Rick work together

with medical and fitness experts to create the Daniel Plan Study.

The sixth session DVD and workbook study kit from Rick Warren,

doctor Daniel Aman, and doctor Mark Hyman is an out

of the box approach to a healthy lifestyle based on

five essentials faith, food, fitness, focus and friends. The Daniel

Plan Study gives individuals in small groups the encouragement and

accountability needed to succeed. If you've been watching the scale

go up lately, or your health is in trouble because

of your weight, it's not too late. Join the thousands

of people who've lost weight, improve their health and improve

to their relationships through the Daniel Plan. We'll send you

a copy of the Daniel Plan DVD study kid to

say thanks when you give a gift to Daily Hope

to help share the Hope of Jesus with people around

the world. Just go to Pastorrick dot com to get

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five zero zero four. That's Pastorick dot com. Or call

eight hundred six hundred five zero zero four and thank

you so much for your support.

Once again, here's Rick number three.

It isn't resuming a relationship without change. Forgiveness is not

resuming a relationship without change. In fact, forgiveness and resuming

a relationship are two different things. One of them is

what you do as the offended person, and resuming the

relationlationship is what they do in order to get back

into good graces, and just saying I'm sorry is not enough.

In fact, the Bible teaches that three things are essential

to resume a relationship that's been broken. You might write

these down three things to resume a relationship when it's

been broken. Number one, that these all are what the

offender has to do. Number one, you have to be

genuinely repentant. In other words, you're truly, truly saddened by

what you did. And that's not just saying I'm sorry. No,

it means saying this, I was wrong, please forgive me.

That's repentance. I was wrong and please forgive me. Not

I'm sorry. You can be sorry that the weather was

bad or something like that. Repentans is saying I admit it,

I was wrong, and I am sorry. The second thing

that's required to restore a relationship after repentance is restitution.

Sometimes you have to do some kind of physical or

or material restitution. If I came over to your house

and I burned down your house. It wouldn't be enough

for me to go oops, I'm sorry. No, you wouldn't

have to assume that debt. I'd have to assume that

debt because I destroyed your house. You don't just say, oh, fine,

you're forgiven and then I'm let off the hook. I

still have to pay my debt to society or to

use that make sense. So forgiveness, you say, I forgive you,

but you're still gonna have to pay your debt. And

there is some restitution for what was damaged or destroyed

in what you did. And the third thing that's required

for restoring a relationship is rebuilding trust. Rebuilding trust. There

must be repentance, restitution and rebuilding trust. And that friends,

takes a long long time. Forgiveness is instant. When somebody

hurts you, you have to forgive them immediately, but you

don't have to trust them immediately. Trust is rebuilt. Forgiveness

is built on grace. It's unconditional, and you do it

not because they deserve it. You do it because it's

the right thing to do. By the way, nobody deserves forgiveness.

You don't and I don't so it's not something that

we deserve. You just give it out of grace. But

then trust is something that's rebuilt over a period of time.

For instance, is somebody at your office they're just really

a jerk, and they they offend you over and over

and over and over and over and over, and they

keep telling lies about you behind your back over and

over and over and over and over. Okay, you must

forgive them over and over and over and over, but

you don't have to trust them. God doesn't expect you

to be an idiot, you know. And you know some

con man comes in and he cons you wants well,

you don't have to say I forgive you know, con

me again. Okay, that's a does that you understand that

there's me forgiveness and trust. I mean, the whole thing

here is that. For instance, let's say there's an abusive

alcoholic spouse and he or she comes back to his

or her spouse and they say, you know, I'm really

sorry about this, I feel bad about it. I was wrong.

Will you forgive me? And they've been abusive, yes because

of alcohol? And you say yes, and then they say, well,

will you let me back in the house. Well, now,

that's another matter that has to be based on repentance,

restitution and rebuilding trust. And rebuilding trust takes time. You

just don't You can lose trust in a second, just

go have an affair and you lose trust in a second,

But it takes often takes a long long time to

rebuild it. Forgivenesses by grace. Trust must be re earned. Now,

the reason I'm belaboring this point is because in our

culture most people don't get this, the difference between the two.

And whenever a like a political leader really they get

caught in a scandal of money or sex or any

kind of thing, or a religious leader gets caught in

a scandal of mine one of your sex or anything,

or a government, an academic leader or a civic leader

or anything like that, there will always be a certain

percentage of the people go, hey, we're all imperfect, we're

all human. We need to just forgive him and keep ongoing. Well, no, yes,

you must forgive him immediately, but you don't have to

trust him. And the Bible says trust is built on time.

The credibility is what a leader leads with. All leaders

must have trust. It's the money that they it's the

currency they live in. If you don't trust me, I'm

not your leader. And if you lose trust, you have

lost your right to lead at that moment, and you can't.

You may have the title, but you're not the leader

until you've rebuilt trust, and that isn't going to happen instantly.

Does that make sense? So if a pastor falls in

a scandal or a politician falls in a scandal or

something like that, yes you must forgive them immediately, but

you don't immediately just start trusting them again. In fact,

they probably need to take a break from leadership and

do something else and get their act together and figure

out why they fell, and then as it's rebuilt, they

may have a second chance at leadership. But it's all

built on trust. Number four, Forgiveness isn't forgetting what's happened.

Forgiveness isn't forgetting what's happened. Now, this is real important

because some of you are afraid to forgive people who've

hurt you because you say, I don't want to forget.

They hurt me so bad and I don't want to

let it go. I don't want to forget. Now you've

heard this phrase over and over. Forgive and forget, forgive

and forget, forgive and forget. There's only one problem with it.

You can't do it. It's impossible. You really can't forget any

hurt that's been in your life. You will never forget it.

In fact, you can't even try to forget. People say,

have you forgotten that? Well, I'm trying, I'm really trying.

What happens when you're trying, You're focusing on the very

thing you can't forget. I'm trying to forget it. It's

like a smoker, if you quit smoking, Well, I'm trying.

I'm trying you the whole time. Anytime you try to

do something, you are focusing on what you don't want

the whole time. You know, that's when you go on

a diet, you think about food all the time. If

you not that, you think about it more than when

you're not on a diet, You actually focus on it.

And the only way you can forget something is actually

to refocus on something else. It's like if you're watching

TV and this is a dumb show and I want

to forget it, It's real simple. Change the channel. When

something else gets my attention, then I will forget the former.

Nothing like a new relationship to cause you to forget

the old one. Okay, But if you don't have a

new relationship, you're going to keep thinking about that one. Okay. Now,

what's more important is forgetting is not what God wants

you to do. There's something better than forgiving and forgetting,

And what it is is forgiving and then remembering the

hurt and then seeing how God can bring good out

of it. That's more important than forgetting. Actually remembering the

hurt and then seeing how God brought good out of it,

because then you thank God for the good that He

brought out of it. You don't thank God for things

you forget. One of the greatest verses in the Bible

is Romans chapter eight, verse twenty eight. It's a great

comfort verse. And we know not, guests, we know that

all things, not some things, but all all things work

together for good. Not all things are good, but work

together for good for those who love God and are

called according to his purpose. And the Bible says that

if I love God and I'm following his purposes, God says,

then I will make sure that no matter what happens

to you, all things will work together for good. Now

it doesn't say all things are good, because all things

are not good. Cancer is not good, disease is not good,

death is not good, Divorce is not good, war is

not good, rape and abuse is not good. There are

a lot of bad things in life. They are evil.

Not everything that happens in this world is God's will.

Don't blame God for some murder. Who's going out killing somebody.

That's called evil. That's why we need God in our lives.

So not everything in the world is good. But the

cool thing about it is that God says I will

work even good out of bad if you will trust me.

If you come to me and say, God, I give

you all the pieces of my life, he will return

peace for my pieces. And when I given the pieces

of my life, he gives me peace in my heart.

And what is that piece. It's the peace knowing that

all things work together for good. Even the hurts in

my life, even the mistakes that I caused in my life,

God will use them for good in my life if

I will trust him. Now, is that a promise for everybody? No,

it is not a promise for everybody. It says all

things work together for good. For those who love God

are called according to his purpose. What that means is,

if I'm not living for God and I'm not following

his purposes, all things are not working together for good

in my life. In fact, if I'm not trying to

go God's way, all things are working together for bad.

If I thumb my nose God's God, I'm gonna do

my own thing. I want to follow my own rules.

I want to be my own God. God has no

responsibility to make your life work out, to make it

all work for good. In fact, it's all working for

bad because you're moving further and further away from God.

But when I come to Him and I say, God,

I give it to you, he works it for good.

And so what we want to do is not forget,

because you can't anyway. You know, every memory you've ever

had is still in your brain, even the ones you

never thought consciously. And we know that today a surgeon

can cut back your scalp and stimulate part of your brain,

and you will have memories that you knew, never knew

you even had. They are there, and they will come

back and they'll be vivid because it's all stored in

this marvelous machine that God has given us called the brain.

It's all there, so you really can't forget it. But

God says, I didn't say you had to forget it.

What I said is forgive it and then look and

see how I can bring good out of it.

This is Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. We're so thankful that

you've chosen to spend time with us. If you've missed

any part of this broadcast, including portions we didn't have

time for today, just go to Pastorick dot com and

listen online anytime. Rick will be back to close out

our time today. But first, the truth is that most

of us don't pay much attention to our health until

something goes wrong. We put on a couple of pounds

every year and think no big deal, right, But a

few pounds over five or ten years can really add up.

That's why Pastor Rick Warren has put together the Daniel

Plan DVD study Kit. This sixth session video based study

by Rick Warren, doctor Daniel Ahman and doctor Mark Hyman

is an out of the box approach to a healthy

lifestyle based on five essentials faith, food, fitness, focus, and friends.

The Daniel Planned Studykit gives individuals the encouragement and accountability

needed to succeed. If you've been watching the scale go

up lately, or your health is in trouble because of

your weight, it's not too late to join join the

more than fifteen thousand people who've lost weight, improve their

health and improve their relationships by ordering the Daniel Plan

DVD Study Kit. Let us send you a copy of

the Daniel Plan DVD Studykit as our way of saying

thanks for your financial support of this ministry. Just go

to Pastorick dot com right now to get your copy,

or you can call eight hundred six hundred five thousand

and four. That's Pastorick dot com. Or call eight hundred

six hundred five thousand and four and thank you so

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I want to share a letter from John who says

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