Rick Warren - How to Deal with How You Feel Part Two

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here's Pastor Rick Warren with part two of a message

called how to Deal with how You Feel.

Satan's favorite tool. Listen to this. Satan's favorite tool in

your life is negative emotions. It's his favorite tool. He

will use fear to whip you around. He will use

resentment and jealousy and envy to whip you around. He'll

use bitterness and worry and anxiety. He'll use shame to

beat you up. Satan's favorite tool is to whip you

around with negative emotions. If you don't know how to

manage your emotions, you are helpless against Satan. You don't

want to be manipulated, so you want to learn the

skill we're going to look at this weekend, because he

wrecks so much havoc in our lives emotionally. First Peter

five eight says this, be self controlled and alert. Be

self controlled and alert your enemy. The devil prows around

like a roaring lione looking for someone to vour. If

you don't have self control, he will eat your lunch.

So what he's saying, okay, number three, I need to

manage my emotions because I want to please God. I

don't want to just know that my feelings are unreliable,

and I know that I don't want to be manipulated

by other people, or by my old nature, or by

the devil. But I also want to please God. And

God cannot be God in my life if emotions are

God in my life. God can't rule my life if

my emotions rule my life, Jesus can't be lord of

my life if my emotions are my lord of my life.

If I make all my decisions simply based on how

I feel, then I've made my feelings God, and then

God can't be God. The Bible says in Romans eight

six to eight to be control controlled by human nature

results in death, but to be controlled by the spirit

results in life and peace. And those who obey their

old human nature cannot please God. Circle that so you

can't please God if your emotions dominate your life and

they are running your life, and your decisions are made

based on how do I feel rather than what does

God say. Finally, number four, the fourth reason I must

manage my emotion is because I want to succeed in life.

This is one of the number one predictors of success

or failure in your life. Do you know how to

manage your moods? Do you know how to deal with

how you feel? Do you know how to control your emotions?

If you don't learn how to do this, you will

never be the success in life that God wants you

to be or that you want to be. Study after

study after study has shown that your emotional quotient is

far more important than you're in intelligence quotient. Your IQ

isn't nearly a lot of people don't have a high

IQ very successful in life, but they've got good smarts

in dealing with their emotions. They've got good smarts in

dealing with how they feel, and as a result, they're

people people. They know how to get along with others.

We've all known people who live by their emotions and

waste their life. They get on the MARSI, what do

I feel like doing today? Well? Not much, so they

don't do it much. And if you deal don't. If

you only deal with how you feel and you just

go based on what you're feeling, you're not going to

succeed in life. You're not going to make much of

your life. The Bible says in Proverbs Fight twenty three

people get lost. You're talking about in life? People get

lost and they die because of their foolishness and their

lack of self control. How many people do you know

who ruin the reputation because of their lack of self control?

How many people do you know who ruined a job

of opportunity because of something that happened on a stupid

one night party and foolishness and party, and then all

of a sudden boom. There you know, everything happened, from

an unwanted pregnancy to all kinds of different things. People

get lost, people die, that's the opposite of living because

of their foolishness and lack of self control. Now, when

you give your heart to Jesus, that includes your emotions.

So when you say I gave my heart to Jesus,

you gave your emotions to him to be managed by him.

Because the heart is the seat of your emotions. And

Jesus wants to be a lord of how you feel,

not just what you think and what you do. He

wants to be lord of your emotions. In fact, the

Bible says this to believers verse Peter four to two.

From now on, you must live the rest of your lives,

the rest of your earthly lives, controlled by God's way will,

not by human desires. What are human desires. It's your emotions,

it's your fections, it's your the way you feel, he says,

for the rest of your life. Now that you're a believer,

your life is to be controlled by God's will, not

by how you feel. So then how do I do that? Well?

This is what I want to spend most of the

time on this weekend. How do I manage an unmanageable

or an unwieldy or an unwanted feeling? Well, you do

three things and let's get right into it. Number one.

The first thing you got to do in dealing with

an emotion is you must name it. You must name it.

What does that mean? I've got to identify it. I've

got to be specific. I've got to pinpoint exactly what

it is. You can't manage a vague feeling. You can

only change control manage something that you have identified. And

if you don't know but the problem is in your life,

then you certainly can't work on it.

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Once again, here's Pastor Rick.

Now, you are not as good in touch with your

motions at being in touch with your emotions as you

think you are. We all think we're very very much

in touch with our emotions. No, we're not. Really. You

may even be very emotional and still not in touch

with your true emotions and why you feel the way

you feel. I got a friend who's a pastor, and

he and his wife having a little bit of marriage problem.

They went to counseling, which is a great thing, and

there's nothing wrong with that. That's a good thing to do.

And he was going to count sing and he said.

The counselor one of the questions asked us, so, how

in touch are you with your feelings? How do you

think you are? And this guy said, well, oh, I

think I'm very much in touch. I'm what you call

a sensitive guy, a sensitive man. And the counselor said, well,

then great, tell me some of the emotions that you

felt this last week. Well, you know, he couldn't name anything.

He said, I couldn't come up and I was just

drawing a blank when I was asked, what emotion did

you feel this last week? And he said finally, I

said I was tired. I was hungry, And the counselor

immediately shot back, those aren't emotions, and they're not they're drives,

they're not emotions, okay, and so you know he thought

he was really in touch, but he really wasn't. Now

we laugh at that, but I have to admit I'm

often confused about my emotions. I'm often confused about how

I feel. Sometimes I can't define it. I couldn't tell

you the number of times I've been sitting talking to

my wife and Kate will say, so, what are you

feeling right now? And I go, I don't know. I

don't know. You know, I don't know what. I know.

I'm feeling something, but I can't put a name on it.

I can't I can't identify it. I can't name it.

Any of you ever feel like this? You know what

I'm talking about.

It is.

I know I'm feeling something, but I don't know what

I'm feeling, Yogi, you know. And so if you can't

name it, you can't change it. You gotta name it first.

Sometimes I feel like David. So I'm fifty five too.

Look here on the screen, he says, my thoughts are

restless and I'm confused. Well, that's the way we are

a lot of times about our feelings. We're confused, and

so you want to ask a couple questions. Write these

two questions down. This is the first step to managing

your emotions, to becoming an emotionally strong man, to become

an emotionally strong woman. Ask these two questions. First, you

ask what am I really feeling? That's the first question,

What am I really feeling? And what I mean by

that is you need to scratch beneath the serves because

what you think you're feeling is often not the real feeling.

Sometimes you think I'm seeing I'm feeling a little down today,

I'm feeling a little discouraged, I've got the blues, I'm

a little depressed, and you think that the problem is depression. No,

that's not the problem. You need to ask what's making

me depressed? And then you look a little bit deeper,

and it was I got criticized at work and I

didn't like that, or I just got laid off, or

an expectation didn't happen the way I expected it to happen.

And you need to look and find the disappointment or

find the worry. Sometimes it's fear. Sometimes it's repressed or

put down or covered up anger. So a lot of

times what you think you're feeling isn't really it? You

say what am I really feeling? Here? And if you'll

stop and peel the onion of you go, you know, really,

my irritation isn't with you, honey. My irritation was what

somebody said to me right before I left work and

came home. And now I'm taking it out on you.

You know what I'm talking about. It's a transference there,

So you say what am I really feeling? And then

the other question you want to ask is what are

my triggers? What triggered this? That's a good thing to say. Now,

if I were to ask you to name the emotion

that gives you the most trouble in your life, would

you be able to meet say, oh, I know what

it is. If you don't, you're not as in touch

with yourself as you think you are, because you have

certain emotions that trigger responses, and you have certain triggers

that trigger emotions. Now, if you can't talk about it, listen,

it's already out of control. If you have a fear

and you're afraid to talk about it, guess what, it's

already out of control. And it is actually in talking

about it that you gain control and If you don't

talk it out, you're going to take it out on

your body. You've heard me say this before. When you

swallow your emotions, your stomach keeps score. Emotions weren't meant

to be swallowed. They were meant to be shared. They

were meant to be shared. So you ask yourself what's

the trigger and what triggered is Sometimes a trigger can

be sight, In other words, I visited a particular place

and I saw that, and all of a sudden, I

feel very moody or very angry, or it brings up

something in the past. Sometimes a smell can trigger an emotion,

isn't that true? You smell something that it can make

you feel warm and comfortable, or it can make you

feel afraid and angry. Okay. A trigger might be something

you hear, the sound of somebody's voice or a certain noise.

Touch and the way someone touches you could trigger an

emotional response. You need to know these things. You can't

manage what you don't know. Taste. You can taste certain

things and it'll send you back the childhood and you

have all kinds of experiences on that. So you say,

what am I What am I really feeling? And what

triggered this? Now, write this down. I can't tame it

until I name it. I can't tame it until I

name it. I can't solve a problem that I can't identify.

So as you start by naming the emotion that you're feeling,

the negative emotion that you're feeling. The second thing you

do that the Bible tells us do is this Challenge it?

Challenge it. You challenge what you're feeling. You don't just

automatically accept what you're feeling. You don't automatically assume that

it's accurate. You don't automatically assume that what you feel

is the truth, correct or even reality. You challenge it,

is what I'm feeling? Do I really? Are things really

as bad as I feel they are? Probably not? Or

are things as really as good as I feel they are?

Probably not? So you need to ask yourself, is you

know some questions? You challenge it? Now? David, who wrote

many of the psalms, often ask God to challenge his emotions.

Now.

That's pretty smart, since God understands you better than you do.

God knows what you're feeling even when you don't know it,

And God knows what triggered it, even when you don't

know what triggered that emotion. And so if you say, God,

I don't know what I'm feeling, I don't know where

it came from, but I need your help, that's a

good thing to do. David often asked God to evaluate

his feelings. And since God is impartial, God can help

you out. Look at this verse on the screen. The

Bible says, and so I'm twenty six' to, Two Lord,

cross examine. Me test my motives and my. Affections what

are your? Affections there are your. Emotions test my motives

and my. Feelings WHAT i? Feel what my? Affectations my?

Emotions so you Ask god to help you evaluate. It

but let me give you another one that's even more.

Personal get a friend to help, You and that is

sometimes it's best to have a friend who can challenge

what you're. Feeling now you've got a pretty close friend

to do. That have you given anybody in your life

the permission to challenge your feelings or does everybody just

have to be a yes man or yes woman to

you that if you feel a certain, way there's no

room For are you? Sure are you? Sure are you?

Sure that's a correct. UNDERSTANDING a true friend is somebody

you give permission to say are you sure about? That

you give them the ability to challenge your emotion and,

say you, Know, RICK i don't THINK i don't think

you're thinking correctly right. NOW i don't think what you're

feeling is actually. True job had a friend like. That

his name Was, elfhaz and In job, fifteen verse, Twelve

elifaz Asked, job why has your heart carried you? Away

and why do your eyes? Flash? Now that's a poetic

way of, saying how come you've run off the deep?

End and why do you get so? Angry do you

have anybody who can ask you that question and you

wouldn't get mad at them that you know they're doing

it out of. Love you need partners in your. Life

you need not only a small group that's a good

place to find, them but you need a spiritual, partner

not a, lot just one person who you've given the

right to challenge what you're feeling and, saying you know,

WHAT i don't think you're thinking, correctly that's not. Right

why are you going off the deep end on? This

and why are you getting so angry about? It give

somebody that. Permission, now let me give you three questions

to ask about your own emotions when you're trying to

figure out how to deal with HOW i. Feel, okay

so let's say you're going let's say you're, angry or you're,

upset or you're, irritated or you're, frustrated or you're depressed or.

Whatever you ask three street. Questions number, one what's the real,

reason the real reason That i'm feeling? This and that

goes back to what we were talking. Earlier you, know

maybe it's, Fear maybe it's. Worry maybe it's hooked into

something that your dad said to you years and years

and years, ago and when your husband said it to,

you all of a, sudden, boy he gets all the

wrath that you'd pent up against your dad or vice.

Versa what's the real Reason i'm feeling? This second, question ask,

yourself is it? True it's What i'm feeling right? Now.

True there's a point Where elijah in The bible gets so, down, discouraged,

depressed and he comes crying To god and he's. Complaining he, Says,

God i'm beyond only one in the entire nation Of

israel left serving you And god challenges. Us are you kidding?

ME i got all these people who still serving. Me

why are you asking acting like? That you're acting like

you're the only one trying to do the right thing

in the whole. World, no that's not. True so what's

the real REASON i feel this? Way and in that,

case he was? Tired and is it? True in that

case it wasn't. True then the third, question this is really,

important is What i'm feeling helping me or hurting? Me

sometimes this is the simplest thing to changing an emotion

by simply, saying is What i'm feeling right now going

to help me get WHAT i want to? Get or

is it actually going to hinder me getting for WHAT i?

Get in other, words WELL i get WHAT i want

by continuing to feel this. WAY a lot of feelings

that we have feel, natural but they're actually they're actually self.

Defeating for, instance let's say you go in and you

sit down at a restaurant and the service is, slow

AND i mean it's, slow and you're waiting and you're,

waiting and you're waiting and waiting to be, served and

then a couple comes in like fifteen minutes after you

and sits down and then they get their meal before you,

do and you look at your, Wife you're, going are

you seeing? This you watching this? Here and you're starting

to get a little, irritated and all of a sudden

you feel an emotion welling up inside of. You now you,

go what's the real Reason i'm feeling? This i'm? Hungry, okay,

okay is it? True, yeah it's. True i'm frustrated because

the service is slow, Here so that one is particularly.

True but then is it helping or is it? Hurting? Okay?

Question do you get better service by getting angry at a? Waitress?

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our attention with answers to our relationship, struggles solutions to

our financial, troubles and explanations to our search for. Meaning

but the world's promises leave us empty and searching for.

More god's word contains the only answers that promise to

transform your life from the inside. Out that's Why Pastor

rick has put together The Transformed Study, kit which includes

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Dvd these video sessions can be used independently or with

a small group of. Friends this will help uncover Key

biblical principles that will completely transform your life in every

area including, spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, relational, financial and. Vocational

we'll send you The Transformed Study kit as our way

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Daily hope take The Certain hope Of jesus to people

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