Rick Warren - Six Keys to Peace in Relationships—Part Two

Hey, everyone, Welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the Bible

teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you every day.

And today we're bringing our series called Awesome Relationships to

a close. In this series, Rick Warren shares practical ways

to help you take your relationships with family, friends, co workers,

and even God from ordinary to extraordinary. This is a

series you won't want to miss. And now let's get

to past A Rick with the final part of a

message called six Keys to Peace in Relationships.

Number three. If I want to be wise, I won't

minimize your feelings. I don't compromise my integrity. I don't

antagonize your anger, push your hot buttons, and I don't

minimize your feelings. Wisdom acknowledges your feelings and doesn't diminish them.

See the typical reaction when we don't feel what other

people feel, we do two things. Number One, we belittle them.

If you had a brain, you would know that's just

not true. And you who wouldn't feel that way, we belittle.

That doesn't help. And the other thing, this is worse,

is we play psychologists. Now. The reason you feel this

way is because your father, Oh, okay, all right. You

know you are not a psychologist, and you are condescending

when you try to tell people why they feel the

way they feel. You don't even know why you feel

the way you feel. You can't figure out your own

motives half the time. Why would you think you could

figure out somebody else's The moment you start judging somebody

else's motives, you're playing God and you're wrong. That's a

battle you're going to lose. Don't play psychologists Privates fifteen

four US as this in the Bible. Kind words bring life,

but cruel words crush your spirit. You ever come home

from a day of work and play the game my

day was worse than your day? Well, I had this problem,

you know, And you know your husband or your wife

or your roommate tells you all about things, and instead

of you sympathizing, empathizing and being considerate, you say you

think you had problems. No, no, those are minor. Let

me tell you what a real problem is. And you

start telling your problem. Is that actually helping the relationship. No,

it's foolish, it's not wise. The Bible says, wisdom is gentle,

wisdom is considerate. Is it possible you both had a

tough day. Yes, Is it possible that you could be

considerate of their tough day without having to top it? Yes?

What am I saying? I'm saying if you want to

be wise, if you want to stop making the same

stupid relational mistakes over and over and over, you need

to stop minimizing other people's feelings. You need to let

your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your spouse, your parents, your children, whoever.

You need to let them feel what they feel without

minimizing it. You need to let them feel tired when

they're tired and not try to talk them out. You

need to let them feel depressed when they're depressed and

not try to talk them out of it. You need

to let them feel angry or alone or scared. When

they feel that way, friends offer kind words, not remedies.

The other day, Kay was being interviewed and they asked

her and said, do you wake up grumpy in the morning?

She said, no, I usually let him sleep. She's considerate,

she's considerate, she lets me sleep in some days. I

don't believe in God before eleven am number four. Wisdom

is willing to yield to others. Your tom is going

to come and teach us on this fourth mark of wisdom.

It's open to reason, it allows discussion, discussion. This Greek

word eupathist, it's the only time in the whole Bible

this word is used, and it's a great word for

wisdom and relationships. It means you're not stubborn, you're not defensive. Now,

how do you know that? How do you know if

you have this kind of.

Quality in your life?

One of the main ways you know is how you listen.

That's one of the main ways that you see this

willingness to yield to others. The wiser you are, the

better a listener you will be, and the more foolish

you are, the less you will listen to others.

I've got to admit I do a very.

Unwise thing all the time in relationships.

It's totally unwise.

I tend to finish people's sentences for them.

Anybody else do this.

You know they're saying something and I want to move

the conversation along, so I like say the end of

the sentence. That's very unwise because I'm not letting them

say what they want to say, and I may not

hear really.

What I I need to hear in that.

So if you're wise, you realize it's foolish to cut

people off. It's foolish to not let people have their say,

it's foolish to jump to conclusions.

So instead of.

That, you want to be you want to be open

to reason. You want to be willing to listen, you

want to be willing to learn. Now, if I asked him,

are you a reasonable person? I think most of us

would say, yes, I'm reasonable. Let me ask you, how

do you know you're reasonable?

Because think about this.

If you were unreasonable, you wouldn't know you were unreasonable

because you are unreasonable. So how do you know if

you're really a reasonable person.

One of the ways that you know is do you

listen to others?

Let me tell you one of the main ways you

know if you're a reasonable person. Can people you disagree

with reason with you. If you have people in your life,

you disagree with them, but they can reason with.

You, you can talk through it.

That's one of the ways that you know that you're

a reasonable person. But a lot of us we have

this attitude. Don't confuse me with the facts. My mind

is made up. I want your opinion. I'll give it

to you, we have this kind of an attitude, and

so because of that, we're not wise in relationships. And

because of that, we all.

Struggle with this.

We have this oversensitivity when it comes to talking to

other people with other people's suggestions, because it's tough. Let's

just admit it, it is tough to hear the suggestions

of other people.

You have to put yourself out there.

Like that new pastor who said to his church first

sermon he was preaching and he said, you know, I

really want I really want your honest suggestions afterwards, So

after the message, he was talking to one of the

men in the church and he said, okay, give me

your honest suggestions. And the guy said, well, honestly, Pastor,

that sermon stunk.

And the guy looked at him.

And said he was trying to be reasonable. He said, well, okay,

what exactly stunk about it? He really wanted to hear

and he said, well, there were three things that stunk

about it. First, you read it, Second, you read it poorly,

and third it wasn't worth reading in the first place. Now,

the next guy that came talk to the pastors trying

to encourage him and said, dont worry about old Jim.

He just repeats what everybody else says.

So don't don't worry about don't worry about that at all.

The tough thing about listening to other people and hearing

their suggestions is you got to put yourself out there

and it can hurt sometimes. But if you're going to

be wise, in fact, write this in with me. If

I want to be wise, I won't criticize your suggestions.

I won't criticize your suggestions. A wise person can learn

from anybody.

Listen.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. So

people in your life, they're going to be right. And

let me tell you something God does in my life

and he's going to do in your life.

To totally humble you.

When it comes to listening to other people's suggestions. There

are going to be people in your life, the most

irritating people in your life that you drive me crazy,

kind of people we're talking about. Sometimes they're going to

have a good suggestion. That person in your family that

they're wrong about everything else they're going to be right

about something. That person at your office, that person at

your school. It's the worst thing in the world when

the very person that's driving you crazy has a good

suggestion for your life. But let me ask you. Can

you learn from them? Can you learn from anybody? Look

at this next verse in the outline Proverbs eighteen fifteen.

Intelligent people are always open to new ideas.

In fact, they look for.

Them anywhere and everywhere.

You look for these new ideas. Now, what if people

have a stupid idea?

Will you do the same thing with their stupid idea

that you do with your stupid ideas. If it's a

good idea, you listen to it and you learn. If

it's a stupid idea, then you.

Ignore it and you forget it.

Stop wasting your life trying to prove a stupid idea

right or wrong. Just move on to the next good idea.

If I'm wise, I'm open to suggestions. I won't criticize

your suggestions.

You know, I have spent much of my life hanging

out with people I told disagree with so I could

share the love of Jesus with them and help them

come to know Christ, which means I've heard a lot

of stupid ideas. I've sat in groups of people who

share on me the stuff that's the most off the wall,

crazy idea. What do you do. You just smile and

you nod, and you don't interrupt, and you let them

say their entire peace. Because what I've learned is if

you let people say their entire piece, they'll let you

say you're entire peace. And then I can come back

and say, well, here's what I think, here's what I believe,

here's what the Bible says, and be like, oh, well

that makes sense. I've never thought about it that way.

But if you try to interrupt them in advance, you

try to take them down point by point, you are

being a fool. It is foolish to try to take

people down point by point. You just make them mad.

Tom said, you just got a listen. You got to

be open to reason. Now. Number five, the Bible says

wisdom is full of mercy and good deeds. Circle that

word mercy. If I'm gonna be wise, I'm going to

maximize mercy. I'm going to major on mercy in my relationships.

Full of mercy and good deeds. In other words, it's

wise to show grace to people when they mess up,

when they blow it, when they sin, when they fumble,

when they flub up, when they have faults, when they fail.

It's wise to show mercy when people show up. It's

wise to cut people slack when they mess up. Let's

just take it this way. Who is the wisest person

in the universe? God? Who is the most merciful person

in the universe? God? You think there's any little connection there? Yes,

fools are judgmental. Wise people are merciful. Anytime I start

judging you, I'm being foolish. Anytime I'm being merciful, I'm

being like God. And that's wise. To give people the

benefit of the doubt. It's wise to show grace, to

show mercy, to be forgiving, to cut people some slack.

God cuts me slack all the time, so I better

cut it to somebody else. Everything you have in life

is a sheer gift from God. Your next breath is

because of the mercy of God. You wouldn't be alive

if it weren't for the mercy of God. If it

weren't for the grace of God, you wouldn't see, here, touch, smell,

you wouldn't exist. Everything and I have and everything you

have is because God is a merciful and gracious God.

God doesn't give me what I deserve. He gives me

what I need. If I got what I deserve, I

wouldn't be standing here. If you got what you deserve,

you wouldn't be alive. God doesn't give you what you deserve.

He gives you what you need. That's mercy, and the

Bible says that's wise. Wise people give people what they need,

not what they deserve. That's mercy, and that's with So

here's the fifth mark of wisdom in a relationship. If

I want to be wise with my kids, my boyfriend,

my girlfriend, my husband, my wife. If I want to

be wise, I won't emphasize your mistakes because I am merciful.

Wise people don't rub it in. Wise people are merciful.

So let me ask you, how high do you rate

on mercy? Do you jump on every fault or blunder

you know, great mood klutso you know you're always picking

at people, always pointing out their errors a mistake. Do

you continually bring up the past and every little sin

that your husband or your wife or your girlfriend or

whoever has done you file it back so you can

pull it out when you need to get a little leverage.

Heard about a high school kid recently came home from

school with a bad report card, and his dad blew

a gasket. And next day he went back to school

and his friend at school said, what did your dad think?

Is that all my dad got? Historical? He said, don't

you mean hysterically? He said, no, historical. He told me

everything I've ever done wrong? Do you do that? You know?

You let it all pile up, You let it all

damn up, and then when somebody hits you at the

wrong spot, you just blah, You let it all out.

That is foolish, because wisdom is full of mercy, it's

full of good deeds, the Bible says in Proverbs seventeen nine.

Love forgets mistakes, nagging about them parts the best of friends.

Now think of the person who's closest to you in

your life. Right now, Okay, think of the person who's

closest to you in your life. And even though you

love them, there's some things they do that just flat

out bug you. I mean it really bugs you. You

know those things that really get you going. Let it go.

Let it go. It is foolish to hold on to it.

Let it go. There's so many things to love about him.

Let it go. You're not God. Mike has been on

staff in facilities for many, many years. And I happened

to know that Sally and Mike had just had their

fiftieth wedding anniversary, and Mike had kissed Sally and she

was getting ready to drive off, and I walked over

to Sally's car. She rolled wind of down and I said, congratulations,

Sally on fifty years of marriage. I said, what is

the secret of a fifty year lasting marriage? She looked

at me, said, Pastor, I never tried to change him.

She drove off, and I'm not making this up. This

is the exact truth. And they had not colluded on this.

I walked up to Mike. It was further on up

the way, and I said, Mike, congratulations on fifty years

of a marriage. I said, what's the secret of fifty

years of marriage? He said, I never tried to change her.

They had both said the exact same thing. Wisdom is

full of mercy. Number six. The Bible says that wisdom

is impartial and always sincere. Now, this is interesting. These

two words in the Greek and the original Greek in

the Bible are the words a di cretos and ano cretos.

They're very similar words impartial, and sincere ad cretos a cretos.

Let me explain it this way. The Greeks invented theater, comedies, tragedies.

You know, all Plato, Socrates, Sophocles, all these guys wrote

very famous plays. And in Greek plays, one guy would

often be an actor and would play many parts. He'd

come out wearing a mask, and he'd say his part,

then he'd go back behind the stage, he'd get another mask.

He'd come back out and he'd play somebody else's part,

and then he'd go back behind the stage and he'd

get another mask, and he'd come back out. He's playing

many roles and wearing many masks. And the word in

Greek for that person, he was called a hippocretos. We

get the word hypocrite from it. It means he wears

a mask. He's always acting a different role. Hippocretos, always

playing a role, always wearing a mask. These words are

the exact opposite adni cretos an it means impartial, and

sincere it means you're genuine, you're without hypocrisy, you're the

real deal. The word we would use today is the

word authentic. Authentic. Now here's the sixth key. If I

want to be wise in my relationships, I won't disguise

my intentions. I won't wear a mask. I won't fake it,

I won't pretend. I won't try to be somebody that

i'm not. I won't lie to you. I won't cheat you.

I won't trick you. I won't fake you out. I

won't take advantage of you. I won't deliberately mislead you.

The point is this, fools are fakes. Wise people are authentic.

They're the real deal. They aren't phonies. They're genuine. They're authentic,

they're warts and all. What you see is what you get. Now,

there are two places today where people fake it more

than anywhere else where. People are phony. They don't show

their true seals more than anywhere else two places, online

and on dates, they don't show their true sells. They're

always trying to make themselves look better than they really are.

Online and on dates. Psalm twelve, verse two. Look up

here on the Bible says of Proverbs ten eighteen. The

lips of a liar conceal hostility. And whoever spreads accusations

as a fool, let me read your Psalm twelve to two.

Everyone lies to his neighbor. Their flattering lips speak with deception.

You know, dating actually sets up relationships to be phony,

because dating in itself is an artificial relationship. You look

your best, you act your best, you talk your best,

you dress your best, shoot, you smell your best. On

a date, it's not the real you. No, no, you're

just super cool and you're not really real on dates.

You know, no man would ever actually go to the

opera except on a date. Okay, ladies, you just need

to realize no man likes opera. Okay, okay, really. In fact,

you laugh at things on dates that aren't even funny,

as you know, somebody says it in your dates. I

mean it was the stupidest thing you ever heard, but

you laughed at it anyway. Okay, it is a phony,

fake relationship. In fact, no place on the planet Earth

is more inauthentic, more phony than a singles bar. I mean,

it is the epitome of fake, phony, inauthentic relationships. Nowhere

else on the planet can a total stranger come up

to you and offer to buy you something? Can I

buy you a drink? You don't even know me? I mean,

were you in sears. The guy walks up and says,

gotta give you a toaster. I mean, really, you're in

Albertson's Care for a box of capt'n Crunch. You're kind

of cute, you know, Gonna get you some pickles. It's

so phony, it's so fake. If I'm honest, if I'm real,

if I'm wise, I'm not going to disguise who I

really am. Now, let's review how wise are you in

your relationships? Do you ever compromise your integrity? That's not wise?

Do you antagonize other people's anger and push their buttons

intentionally just to get even dumb? Not wise? Do you

minimize feelings you shouldn't feel that way. Do you criticize suggestions,

that's a dumb idea. Do you disguise your attention friends

as your pastor who loves you? If you don't wise up,

if you don't wise up, if you don't learn some

godly wisdom, you're going to go through your entire life

making the same relational mistakes over and over and over

and over, and you're not going to get what you

want out of that relationship. A intimate, satisfying, soul satisfying

relationship that God intended for you to have. How do

I get the wisdom to stop making foolish mistakes in relationships? Well,

there's only two places you get wisdom. You don't get

it from college. You don't get it from online blogs.

You don't get it from TV shows. You get wisdom

from knowing God and doing what he says to do,

doing his word. Knowing God and doing his word, you

can get intelligence, you can get facts, you can get information,

you can get smart, you can get technical skills from

going to school. But you don't get wisdom from going

to school. You get wisdom from knowing God and doing

what he says to do, because He is the source

of all wisdom. But you're not going to know the

word of God until you know the Lord of God.

Two verses look up here on the screen, So I'm

one eleven Verse ten. Respect for the Lord is the

beginning of wisdom. You want wisdom in your relationship, you

got to start with the relationship to the Lord. And

the Bible says in Colossians chapter two, Jesus is the

key that opens all the hidden treasures of God's wisdom

and knowledge. You got to get to know Jesus. I

got a letter a while back where a guy told me, said, Rick,

all my relationships constantly fell apart until I met Jesus

and I began to learn the wisdom he gave me.

Have you met Jesus. That's bower heads Father. I thank

you for your word that you want us to be

wise not foolish in our relationships. And I pray that

even today everyone here will make a commitment to be

with us for these six weeks as we talk about

how to strengthen our good relationships, how to heal our

bad ones, how to deal with the crazy man makers

in our lives. The Lord today we start with us.

Why don't you pray this prayer? Dear Jesus, Help me

to not compromise my integrity. Help me not to antagonize

people's anger. Help me not to minimize people's feelings. Help

me not to criticize people's suggestions or emphasize their mistakes.

Help me not to disguise who I really am. Help

me to be authentic and real and genuine. Say God,

I need your wisdom. I want to know you Jesus Christ,

and I want to do your word. If you've never

invited Christ in our life, say Jesus Christ, come into

my heart and life right now and take control of

my life. I want to learn to trust you and

love you in your and then I pray Amen. You know,

if you just prayed that prayer for the very first time,

or you just recommitted your life to Jesus again today,

would you let me know about it. There's something real

about sharing your commitment. So write me Rick at pastor

Rick dot com and say, Rick, I prayed that prayer

of commitment. I gave my life to Christ. And I'll

send you some material that will help you on your

journey with Jesus. And I'll also pray for you. God

bless you. Wow.

What a great message from Rick today. You know, one

of our most popular Bible study resources here at Daily

Hope are the Bible Scripture Cards, and because so many

people ask for them, Pastor Rick has developed a special

set of fifty two cards with verses selected specifically to

help you develop relationships that are life giving and filled

with joy and purpose. These stunning, eye catching cards will

help you memorize the Word of God so you'll have

it when you need it most. Something you hear Rick

talking about all the time, so be sure to request

the relationship scripture cards. Today, when you give a gift

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