Rick Warren - Fighting for an Awesome Family—Part One

Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the

Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you

every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships.

In it, Rick Warren shares practical.

Ways to help you take your relationships with family, friends,

co workers, and even God from ordinary to extraordinary.

And this is a series you don't want to miss.

Let's get right to Rick for part one of a

message called fighting for an Awesome Family.

I choose this word intentionally fighting because families are not

awesome by accident.

By accident, they're average.

And you have to fight for your family if you

want it to be a great family, because they're all

kinds of forces working against your family in our society.

Now.

I'm not going to spend a minute detailing those I

don't want to make a laundry list or a litany

of all of the things that are working against the

family today. But there are economic forces, there are spiritual forces,

there are moral forces. There are cultural and social forces

that want to destroy the idea of family and specifically

your family. What I'm much more interested in is looking

at the positive side, and that is how do you

fight for an awesome family. You know, when the families

of Jerusalem were under attack thousands of years ago, the

leader Nehemiah said this. He said to the people, don't

be afraid.

Remember the Lord who is awesome.

Everything's awesome, including God, and we're looking at awesome relationships.

Remember the Lord who is awesome, and fight for your brothers,

fight for your sons, fight for your daughters, fight for

your wives, fight for your homes. He's saying, your family

is worth fighting for. Don't just give up and say, well,

it can't change, it can't be any different.

It's too late.

It's not too late, no matter where you are on

the continuum of family, starting out or at the end,

or helping a new family develop. No matter where you are,

it's not too late to fight to make your family better. Now,

what I want to share with you today is not

just from God's word, but from forty years of counseling families,

and I have discovered, after talking to thousands of thousand families,

that you can find four common traits in families that.

Are really awesome.

And we're going to look at those today and in

order to help you remember these four traits of an

awesome family. Whether you are a brother or a sister

and a family, or you're a mother or father, or

you're a child, or whatever you are, these are four

things that make an awesome family. And the first symbol

of an awesome family is this board game called Candyland.

How many of you remember the board game Candyland? How

many of you played this game Candyland? How many of

you wish you never have to play it again?

Yeah?

Yeah, all the hands of preschool moms just went up,

just now. Doesn't require a whole lot of intelligence to

play this game. In fact, it says ages three years

an up. It's a pure game of chance. But why

does the game Candyland represent awesome families? Here's the first reason,

write it down. Awesome families are playful. It's the first

common denominator of great families. They know how to play,

they know how to fun, have fun, They enjoy life together.

This is a missing ingredient in so many families today. Today,

our families are too busy, too tired, too negative, to

worn out, and too serious. Who wants to come home

from school to that? Families should be fun. The average

family is all work and no play. It's just getting

us to the next appointment. Awesome families are fun. Awesome

families are playful. Now at October, you know, we had

tens of thousands of kids here at the Lake Forest campus.

So I decided to do a little kid on the

street interviews and today I'm gonna share with you some

of the results.

And one of the questions I asked kids was what.

What fun things does your family like to do together?

And watch these answers.

I like to spend time on them and girstoning. I

guess like to play with my family, go to parties

and try a fun places. I like to go to

a lego round is right right, play soccer.

Lo to de be, make jokes, make jokes.

I like to help my mom cook, go to the

skate park, hopefully tennis. I like to go bike riding

and surfing with sometimes being cookies, uh, play tad. I

like to do crafts. We like see cars, Disneyland, go

to Disneyland, go to Disneyland, go to Disneyland, open places

with my family at my booth Day and Christmas, go

to church and we have family dinners and family Bible studies.

So sometimes I like to.

Go bullying and go here bullying, and what.

Go to saddleback church and saddleback church. Oh, sure of great, Yeah,

that kid's going to be a pastor. That's my new intern,

little pastor Rick right there.

Now.

The fact is, your family is not a boot camp,

and parents are not drill sergeants, and your family is

not a business, and parents are not CEOs, and your

family is not a laboratory experiment, and your parents are

not research scientists experimenting and go, let's add a little this,

little this, We're going to make the perfect little child.

There is no perfect child, and there is no perfect family,

and there is no science to being a family.

It's an art. It's an art, but.

The Bible has a lot to say about it. And

one of the things that I say is that families

are supposed to be fun. Most people know that the

Bible teaches we're supposed to work, and the Bible tells

us that we're to work hard, and the Bible says

that if we're lazy, we shouldn't even eat. Work is

an important part of your life. But most people don't

know that the Bible says that play is an important

part of your life, and play is essential to adults,

not just a children. In fact, play is connected to creativity.

The more play you have in life, the more creative

you're going to be. If you don't have anything play,

any fun in your life, you're not a very creative person.

All work, no play makes Jack a dull boy. And

so you need to have fun in your life. And

the Bible talks about this and actually commands it. Let

me show you some scriptures. This first section is from Ecclesiastes,

written by Solomon, who is the wisest man who ever lived.

God said, what do you want? He said, I want

to be the wisest man I ever lived. God said,

I'll answer that request. So let's look at some verses

Ecclesiastes eight fifteen. Solomon says, I commend the enjoyment of life.

Circle the word enjoyment.

As I said, we know that play is extremely important development.

In fact, we've known for years that play is essential

to preschoolers. For preschoolers, play is work. They're actually developing

when they play, and recess is not a waste of time.

Recess kids are developing as much at recess as they

are sitting down with a book open or things like that.

Paul says, up here on the screen. Look at this

verse one Timothy six seventeen. God generously gives us everything

for our What did you realize that everything in the

world God created, he and created for you to enjoy.

Now listen, God wants life to be enjoyed, not merely endured,

and a lot of you are simply enduring life. God

wants you to enjoy life. The wisest man who ever lives,

Solomon says, I recommend, I commend the enjoyment of life.

God says everything I created for enjoyment. If you're too

busy to enjoy life, you're too busy. God meant for

you to play and to have some fun. Ecclesiastes eleven seven.

People ought to enjoy every day, not just on a weekend,

not just vacation. Ought to enjoy every day of their lives,

no matter how long they live. Now, why is that

important that you enjoy every day? Because you don't know

how long you're gonna live. You don't know if you've

got next week, next month, you don't know if you've

got tomorrow, you don't know if you've got tonight. So

whatever living you're gonna do, you better do it now.

Not say well, I'm gonna enjoy life in retirement. No,

you need to enjoy life now. And if you have children,

you need to be enjoying life with the children, because

the kids aren't gonna be at home forever.

When my kids are.

Growing up, I determined that the number one thing I

wanted them to know about our family was not that

we were godly, and it was not that we were smart,

it was not you know whatever thing, but that they

were loved.

And then we had fun together.

And I created all kinds of things just to have

fun that weren't very expensive. One of them was called

Daddy's Magical Mystery Tour, and the kids loved it, and

it's a hallowed reputation in our family. I now do

it with the grandkids and Daddy's Magical Mystery Tour. I'd

take my kids when they were young, they're all in

preschool or grade school, and they get in their pajamas,

they go to bed at seven o'clock and long about

eleven o'clock or midnight, I'd go in and wake them

all up, get out of bed, Get out of bed

right now, it's time for Daddy's Magical Mystery Tour.

And they go, oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy.

It means that, Ay, we're not going to school tomorrow,

and b we're about to have something really, really fun.

Now it could be something expensive, like one time I

woke them all up. We didn't have a pool, we

didn't have a hot tub or a jacuzzie, and so

I woke them all up one time about midnight. We

put them in the car in their pajamas, drove down

to Carl's bed, checked into a hotel that had a

master bedroom with a giant, giant bathtub.

We filled it with water and.

A bunch of bubbles, all jumped in in our swimming suits,

grabbed a bunch of junk food and had a party

at one o'clock in the morning with first graders and

third graders. And now they all didn't have to be

that expensive. Sometimes I'd wake them up in the middle

of night say we're going to go make a fifteen

cent ice cream run at thrifties.

And Kay was going, you can't do that.

She was the rule keeper. I was the fundmeister. And

by the way, you need both in a marriage. If

you watched last week's message, you know what we're talking about.

But we have so much fun now I want you

to write this sentence down, and it applies to you,

whether you're a parent or not, whether you ever get

married or not.

Here's an important thing in life.

People don't remember what you say, but they will remember

how you made them feel. That's important advice for a boss,

for an employer, for a husband, for a boyfriend, for

a girlfriend, for a parent, for a husband or wife.

People will not remember what you say, they will remember

how you made them feel.

My kids don't remember anything of what I.

Said in the early years of their lives, but they

do remember how Daddy made them feel.

Awesome.

Families are playful, They're Candyland families.

They have a lot of fun.

Now, Solomon gets very specific about the kind of fun

you're supposed to having a family Ecclesiastes nine, verse nine.

He says this, enjoy life with your wife.

Enjoy life with your wife whom you love.

Dads, if you're a dad, here today, the greatest gift

you can give your children is to love their mom.

To have fun and enjoy life with their mom. Enjoy

life with your wife.

Whom you love.

You see, when a father shows love for the mother

of the kids, it creates great stability. It creates great security,

It creates great peace in the heart of little children.

And when I hear couples saying, well, you know, don't

we really can't afford or can't have time to go

out because of the kid's serious mistake, serious mistake. Your

kids need to see you loving each other because you

are the first and greatest model of relationships. And if

they see parents just passing in the night and working

and working and working, but no real relationship, that's what

they're gonna grow up thinking. Marriage is all about love

your wife. Enjoy life with your wife. The Bible says

in Psalm one twenty seven. Children are a gift from God.

They are a gift from God. Now, let's be honest.

Sometimes they're a gift you'd like to exchange, okay, But

they are a gift. Okay, They are a gift. And

what is a gift? A gift is given and it's

meant to be enjoyed. Are you enjoying your kids? Are

they just your pet project? You're gonna grow up, right,

and it's all serious, and you're not enjoying the gift

that God gave you. Psalm eight fifteen. This one's gonna

blow your mind. Look at this verse on the screen.

You should write this one down.

It says I recommend having fun.

Did you know that versus in the Bible, the wisest

man who ever lives, says, I recommend having fun, and

that way you'll experience some happiness along all the.

Hard work that God gives you. Now you know.

I asked the producers of these Little Kid on the

Street interviews to give a lot of variety of answers,

and I said, put you know, don't all put the same,

because honestly, I was stunned.

I was shocked. I was amazed.

And how when I asked, what's the number one thing

you like to do with your family? I got the

same answer over and over and over and over and

over and over and over.

And it shocked me.

In an age of technology and an age of all

these different entertainment places, the number one answer was not

go to Disneyland or go to an amusement park. The

number one answer that kid said, when you like to

do something with your family, what's the number one thing

you like to do? It was over and over playboard games.

The number one answer. It wasn't play video games. You

would have thought that it was played board games. Why,

Because video games are one on one personal game. Board

games you actually interact with adults. And that's why they said,

you like it. We're sitting around the table, my mom

and dad are there and we're playing board games together.

The number two answer, what do you love to do

with your answer? With your kids, with your what you

bye with your family? Most number two answer was go

to a park. Go to a park. How old fashioned

can you get? He said, what do you do at

a park? We throw frisbee, we play cats, we play tag,

we lay around, we talk, we have a picnic. And

the number three answer, you'd figure this in Orange County,

go to the beach. In all three answers, what was

the common denominator time with parents? It wasn't Disneyland. It

was time with parents. You see, I talk to guys

all the time, says, I don't get it. Successful visitib

but I don't get it. I buy my wife and

kids all these trinkets and things, and I give them

everything they need.

What do they want? I'll tell you what they want.

They want you.

They want your attention, they want your focus, they want

your eyes, they want your time. You spell love tim

The greatest gift you can give your kids is your time,

because when you give them your time, you're giving your life.

You know, always buy things. Kids don't need things. They

need time. They need fun with the family. They need

fun in the home. They need it to not be

a boot camp or something we're just all working on.

They want time with you.

And so Candyland is the symbol of an awesome family,

because awesome families are playful. Now, the second symbol of

an awesome family is a watering can. A watering can

because we use this to waterflow hours, plants, you know, vegetables,

and in many ways, a family is like a garden.

You have to grow it. You have to develop it,

you have to cultivate it. A garden doesn't grow on

its own. You have to weed it, you have to

water it, you have to care for it. And this

is the second characteristic of awesome families that makes them

different from average families. Write this down. Awesome families encourage growth.

They create an atmosphere of lifelong learning. They help each

other develop, They encourage the discovery of each person in

the family's shape shape. And one of the things that

you do in an awesome family is you support each other.

And I'm not just talking about the kids growing up.

I'm saying that you're always growing. Your family never stops growing.

Mom never stops growing. Everybody encourages mom to grow. Dad

never stops growing. Everybody encourages dad to grow, brother, sister,

everybody encourages everybody to keep growing. If you're not growing,

your family is boring. You're just stuck in a rut.

You haven't learned anything new, developed any new interest in

a long time. Your family's boring. Now look at how

Jesus grew. The Bible tells us in Luke two point

fifty two. This is when Jesus was twelve years old.

It says Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in

favor with God and favor with men. Now, notice there

are four kinds of growth you want to have in

your family. You grow in wisdom that's intellectual growth, mental growth.

You grow in stature that's physical health. You grow in

favor with God that's spiritual growth. And you grow in

favor with Man that's social growth. Every person in your

family needs to be growing in all four of these,

not just the kids, but you, mom, you dad, you brother, you, sister,

you need to be growing physically, mentally, spiritually.

And socially.

How are you going to be different a year from

the day are do you know any more than you

knew a year ago? Are you closer to God than

you more or a year ago? Are you more loving

than you were a year ago? Are you literally growing?

Awesome families encourage growth. Average families just stay the same.

Nobody changes, nobody grows Now. I ask the kids, what

have you learned in your family? And here's what they said.

It's not all about me, and then it's about other people,

and you need to love fail and teaching me homework.

They've taught me a lot of that, a lot of Spanish.

They taught me to read and write. They've taught me

to never run away.

I just knew it.

Not say boud.

Lord's like, if my brother gets mad at me, I

should get mad at him and get back. Do not

talk these strangers to be kind and you won't. If

you don't be kind, you don't get any friends. God's

will never start. Don't go through the behaviors of this world.

Try to be teachable.

My mom teaches me how who who?

Yeah?

Yeah, even if it's hard to tell the truth that

you should always see it. Manners, well, my dad always says, manners.

Make the man.

They taught me a lessen about God and that family

never gives up, and that family is always there.

You can always count on them.

To be there for you even when you go through

hard times. Always trust in God and because he'll help

you get through it.

Now, what do we really learn from our families. Well,

there's some things. If you don't learn them in your family,

you're never going to learn them. You can't learn them

at school, you can't learn them at work. You only

can learn them in your family. And I will tell

you this, most of your problems as an adult comes

from the fact that you didn't learn certain things correctly

as child. And if you didn't learn certain skills as

a child, then you're going to have a rough life

the rest of your life. There are five things you

must learn in your family, and if you don't learn

them there, life's going to be tough for you. You

might write these down. The first one is the first

thing we have to learn is what to do with feelings,

one of the most important skills of mine. How do

I handle my emotions? What do I do with them?

How do I deal with how I feel? What do

you do with feelings? And in a good, awesome family,

you learn how to recognize your feelings, how to name

your feelings, how to own up to your feelings, how

to identify your feelings, how to express your feelings correctly

rather than incorrectly, how not to stuff them, and how

to deal with how you feel. If you don't learn

how to deal with how you feel in your family,

you go through life and emotional cripple. You have to

relearn it somewhere else. And the reason why so many

marriages split up is because they didn't learn in their

family how to deal with how you feel correctly and effectively.

And you need to let people be honest and let

kids express their emotions. One of the stupidest things the

parent can say is stop crying.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Why. There's nothing wrong with crying.

Tears are a gift from God.

If you're telling your kids stuff your emotions, stuff your emotion,

stuff your emotion, they're gonna have problems with their emotions

the rest of their life. There's nothing wrong with crying.

There's nothing to be ashamed of with crying. And telling

your kids stop crying, and saying, deny your emotions, deny

how you feel, and you.

Learn to stuff it.

And that comes out in all kinds of strange relationship patterns.

Later on, in a true family and an awesome family,

we learn how to recognize that's a good emotion, that's

a harmful emotion, and we learn to name it, own it,

speak about it, identify it, talk about it.

That's a key.

So you name them, you don't stuff them.

What a fantastic message from Pastor Rick. You know, Daily

Hope is changing lives every day. Here's Pastor Rick with

a letter from one of our listeners.

Here's a letter from Catherine, a listener who says that

hearing the truth of the Bible on Daily Hope transformed

her life. She wrote me this, she said, Pastor Rick.

A few months ago, I was angry all the time

about everything. My husband was drinking too much, and my

marriage was headed for divorce. Years ago, I'd forgotten about

my faith. But one day, on my long drive home

from work, I changed the station from my angry music

and I found you speaking on Daily Hope on the radio.

You know, it was as if through you Jesus said, oh,

you're finally listening, and I have something to tell you.

You.

Well, your message spoke directly to me, to my problems

and to my many failures, and you spoke some hard truths,

Pastor Rick, that I needed to hear about the things

that I was doing wrong and the things that I

wasn't doing at all. But it made me look at

myself and I realized that I had forgotten about Jesus,

and I was making myself miserable trying to do everything

on my own. I wasn't trusting in God, or seeking God,

or even a relationship with Jesus. But a few days later,

after a lot of inward reflection, I shared your words

with my husband. You know what, We're now both reading

our Bibles again, We're going to church again. We're mending

our relationship with each other and with Christ, our savior.

And it is your daily Hope program that changed our

lives and the direction of our lives. Now I'm listening

to you on my way home from work every day.

So thanks for allowing yourself to be a vessel through

which God can work to restore lives and marriages. I

was hopeless, but now I'm full of hope and full

of joy through my faith in Jesus. So God, bless

you Rick for bringing me back to God. Friends, you

may have heard me say this before that I am

addicted to change lives. I am passionate about watching God

at work in your life and giving people hope when

everything else seems hopeless.

It's why we do what we do.

Catherine and her husband have now mended their relationship and

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