God's Heart For You - April 27, 2025

We're in Mark chapter number 10, and I have the privilege of covering uh marriage, children, and uh and how God loves us.

And I'm gonna hit some of the nuances as well of divorce and reasons for it and uh and God's heart on this particular subject.

And I gotta tell you, I'm not coming at this, approaching this in a way where I feel like I've mastered it.

I'm still a student, I'm still learning, and honestly, if it wasn't for the grace of God and a really gracious wife, I would have really messed up my my my life a long time ago.

And uh and so I'm thankful to the Lord and for my wife.

I'm thankful for my children, you know.

I growing up in a broken home, I never wanted my children to um have the same pain that I had to endure.

How many of y'all know what I'm talking about?

And uh and so that caused me to really pray and think about a lot of the decisions that I that I've made through the years.

I've been married now for 22 years, and uh and it's been wonderful for me.

I don't know if it's always been wonderful for her.

I mean, she's not in church.

Oh, wait, there she is, she's back.

But uh we we we've found this to be true.

If we just do what the Bible says, even when we don't feel like it, even when our minds the wrong way, our emotions are the wrong way, if we just go right back to the Bible and do what the Bible says, God blesses us.

And uh it's such a blessing.

And so open your Bible to Mark chapter 10.

Mark 10 · chapter mention

Let's jump into this thing.

Verse number one, it says, And he, Jesus, he arose from thence and cometh into the coasts of Judea by the farther side of Jordan, and the people resort unto him again.

They kept coming to him, and as he was wont, he taught them again.

So remember, Jesus is a teacher, he's edifying them.

And the Pharisees, these are the religious uh elite, if you would, came to him and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?

Tempting him.

So they're basically saying, Hey, can you get divorced?

Can we, can we, can a man put away his wife?

Can they get divorced?

And Jesus steps up and says, Well, what did Moses command you?

Notice how Jesus always goes back to the Word of God.

And they said, Well, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement and to put her away.

And Jesus answers and says in verse 5, Well, for the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.

But from the beginning of the creation of God, uh God made them male and female.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall and and cleave to his wife.

And they twained shall be one flesh, so then they are no more twain but one flesh.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

So Jesus is basically fielding this question, and he says, you know, God's original intent was not for divorce.

God's original intent was for one man and one woman for one lifetime, and for them to be fruitful and multiply.

And later on, after the book of Genesis, you'll see Moses gets the law and and a bill of divorcement is brought up, and it's for the hardness of heart.

How many guys have ever had an argument with somebody before?

And you thought you were right, you thought they were wrong.

And you can easily get defensive, and you can see their faults and their failures, and you could throw rocks, and and you could build up your case, and and a lot of pride can happen.

And I think that's what happens a lot of times in marriage.

I think people get stuck in the crazy cycle.

You ever heard of the crazy cycle?

Um, where he wants respect and she wants love.

Remember this: the number one need for a man is respect.

And the number one need for a woman is love.

And if you want to get out of the crazy cycle, you don't let your treatment of your spouse be based on your feelings.

You let your treatment of your spouse be based on the word of God.

Bible tells me, okay, I've got to give her love.

For the the wife, I've got to give him respect.

If you want to get out of the crazy cycle, you just keep on your side and you do what God tells you to do.

Well, let's face it, it's easier said than done, right?

Like, there's a lot of things that can come up.

And so uh Jesus says, in the beginning, I God made a male and female, and they're supposed to leave, cleave, and weave.

They're supposed to be together in one and to create a new family unit.

And so he answers the question about marriage and divorce, and the disciples come along in verse 10 and they say to him, in the house, his disciples ask him again the same matter.

So they're they want to pick this up.

How many of y'all want to hear more talking about a marriage, what God says about marriage?

A little bit more, I'd like to hear about divorce.

I'd like to hear what the Bible says on some of this stuff.

And uh and so there that's kind of them.

They're like, we want to hear more about this.

In verse 11, he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife and marrieth another committeth adultery against her.

And if a woman shall put away her husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

And so what Jesus is dealing with here is this flippant transactional mindset where I don't like how my spouse is behaving, and so I'm just gonna put them away.

And it's it's really kind of a shortcut to solving problems, but it doesn't really solve the problem.

Because whatever area of deficiency that caused that relationship to have a fracture, if you don't learn the lesson on why there was a problem, you will duplicate the problem with somebody else.

And so he's basically saying, Jesus is saying, if you go and get married to somebody else, uh then it's the same as committing adultery.

And some Christians will see this and they'll go, okay, so I can't, there's no divorce.

And this is where you gotta slow down a little bit because you have to think through it.

God's heart is God loves marriage.

God loves marriage.

It's a picture of Christ in the church, it's a picture of the husband is supposed to be loving and sacrificial and nurturing and caring, and the wife is supposed to be respecting and adoring and and and yielding, and it's a beautiful picture of unity.

God loves marriage.

In fact, that's your your first point.

Jesus loves marriage.

He loves it.

Now, you say, well, what about divorce, preacher?

Well, the Bible tells us that God gave a bill of divorcement because of the hardness of heart.

If you want, I'll read uh Malachi to you.

Here's what it says in the book of Malachi.

We're gonna go to several places.

You okay to go in a few places in the Bible?

Okay.

I gotta go slow enough because I know this is a delicate subject, and I I want to make sure I'm not hurting any hearts, but I'm helping people to understand.

And I will get into three reasons for remarriage or divorce and remarriage.

I will get into some of that, Lord willing.

But I want to establish the fact that God hates divorce.

He doesn't want you to be divorced because, and I think it's this it's the brokenness, it's the fracture, it's the fragmenting, it's the it's the hurting, it's the pain.

And uh he says in Malachi chapter 2, uh in verse number 15, about halfway down that verse, it says, Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

Malachi 2 · chapter mention

For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away.

For one covereth violence with his garments, saith the Lord of hosts.

Therefore, take heed to your spirit that ye deal not treacherously.

See, how many guys have ever just really got mad before and said and did something that maybe was a little too fast, a little too hasty?

And then you regretted it.

Your emotions can cause you to say things in the heat of the moment that if you were more calm and more settled, you wouldn't have said it.

And so he says, Take heed to your spirit, be careful, God hates divorce.

He says in verse 17, Ye have wearied the Lord with your words, yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him?

When ye say, everyone that doeth evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and he delighteth in them.

Or where is the God of judgment?

So in our culture, especially in America today, with homosexuality and and cohabitation and pornography and people taking God's name in vain, we get desensitized to what is good and what is evil.

And we can think, oh, you know what?

God's okay if I just shack up and live with my boyfriend or my girlfriend.

God's okay if I'm looking at pornography.

God's okay if if I take his name in vain.

God's okay if um if I just get divorced and I just do whatever I want.

God's let me just say this to you.

We need to slow down and make sure that we're not calling evil good.

We gotta slow down a little bit, make sure we're getting it right.

And so God hates divorce.

He hates also um a uh pride and arrogancy and deceit and a lying tongue and division.

He hates a lot of things.

You say, well, what um what if, what if, the what if questions, right?

Well, you say, preacher, what are the reasons why um it would be okay to, or acceptable to have a divorce?

Well, let's go into the Bible.

Look over in your Bible at 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

And if you're divorced in here, I want to tell you this, you're not a second-class citizen.

Amen.

There's a stigma that goes on people where you can think, oh, you know, I'm not as good as somebody else.

Listen, the truth is all of us would be thrown straight to hell because of our sins if it wasn't for the grace of God.

And for those of you who are married in here, it's only by the grace of God that you're still married.

Amen.

Because the truth is, if you're gonna be married for any length of time, it's gonna be a whole lot of grace and a whole lot of forgiveness.

And it's not because you're so good or she's so good, it's because God has been so good to you.

And he's helped you to forgive, he's helped you not to find fault, he's helped you not to be a scorekeeper, he's helped you to avoid the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

I'll get into that here in a little bit.

Of the four horsemen of relate of the relational apocalypse.

Now, where did I tell y'all to go?

1 Corinthians chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

Just want to make sure you're listening.

Now, look what it says in verse 1.

Paul's writing here to the church.

He says he says, Now, concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every man, every woman have her own husband.

So here's what he's saying.

Now, fornicate the difference between fornication and adultery is this adultery is when you're having sex and having relationship when you're married with somebody that's not your spouse.

And by the way, Jesus heightened what adultery is.

It's not just the physical act.

Jesus said, even the thought, if you look at a woman and lusts after her, it's the same as committing adultery.

So there's such a thing as an emotional adultery as well, a mental adultery.

And so the sin is not just the action of it, but it's also in the heart and the thought process.

And so what he's getting at here is he says, okay, now fornication is when you're having sex outside of marriage.

You're not married, but you're you're sleeping together, having intercourse together.

What the Bible says, for those of us who want to know, and this is by the way, I want why I wanted to get married so fast when I was a young man.

Okay, don't hate on me, okay?

I just couldn't contain.

I mean, my wife's beautiful.

And I didn't want to sin against God.

And so it's like, okay, I'm biologically set up in a way to be fruitful and multiply, but at the same time, the Bible is telling me to avoid fornication, don't touch the woman.

But if you can't contain, you get married.

Now, in our culture, our culture messes this up.

We think we have to have all the money and we have to have all this other stuff before we actually obey God.

It's messed up.

Just obey God and do right.

That's what we did.

We didn't have it all figured out.

We still don't have it all figured out.

We're still learning and we're still just practicing, aren't we?

It's a blessing.

And it says right here, it says, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife.

So if you're in a relationship where you're going towards God and you want to honor God and you want to see him bless your life, you don't stay in fornication.

You get married.

You say, Lord, I'm not going to have the pleasure of marriage without the commitment of marriage.

Right?

And that, it takes a man of integrity and a man of honor to say, I'm not going to ask you to sin against God just to please me.

I want to do right.

I'm going to show myself and be a man of integrity.

And by the way, ladies, you be a woman of integrity and power and say, no, I'm worth it.

I'm worth the commitment.

If you want my body, then you have to commit to me.

And there's some convictions here and some boundaries here.

And so it says, if if you can't contain, then get married.

Now let's say you get married and uh and you're you're enjoying marriage and now you're one flesh and it's a blessing and and and God's blessing the marriage.

And it says in verse 9, but if if they cannot contain, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn.

You all see that in verse 9?

It's better for you to get married and be holy in the sight of God than for you to burn with lust and to continue to get into sin.

It's better to just take care of business and handle things the right way.

Now keep reading.

It goes on to talk a little bit about this with marriage.

And he says this, he says in verse 10, and unto the married I command yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband.

Now the truth is, ladies, sometimes your husband's being a jerk.

He's being a meanie, he's being a menace, he's being a tyrant, he's being a dictator, he's not being somebody worthy of respect.

And there's times you're like, man, I'm done with this.

And it's just part of the human experience.

And it says, let not the wife depart from her husband.

Now look what it says in verse 11.

But, and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife.

Listen, let me say this to you.

Whenever there's problems in a home, don't just bury them and pretend they don't exist.

Suppression is going to cause the volcanic activity of all that pride to flow up and hurt everybody.

And so there is a time for separation when you can't quite figure things out, where you're like, hey, this is toxic right now.

We need to think through this and process on this.

And then it goes on to say this.

It says, verse 12, but the rest speak I, not the Lord.

If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

Meaning, let's say you're a man, you're a husband, and you're married to an unbelieving wife.

But it's a good cohabitation.

You're enjoying the marriage, even though she doesn't believe in Christ.

Just because you're saved and she's not, if you said the vow of marriage before you became a Christian, and all of a sudden you became a Christian, and now she's not saved, but she's pleased to dwell with, don't put her away just because you're saved and she's not.

You already made the commitment of marriage.

That's God's will for you to stay in that, is what he's getting at.

He says in 13, and and the woman which hath the husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

Same situation, vice versa.

Now let's change it up a little bit.

Look what it says in 14.

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.

Else were your children unclean, but now are they holy.

Meaning this if one of the two spouses is saved, walking with the Spirit, there is some measure of protection and blessing that will flow to those children.

Meaning the Christian will most likely, hopefully, if they're doing their job, be reading, be praying, be singing, be exposing the family to some measure of spiritual blessing where the Holy Spirit is in the home.

And the kids, the children are recipients of that blessing.

Now it says in verse 15, but if the unbelieving depart, let him depart.

Now watch this.

A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God hath called us to peace.

Let's say you're married and it's going well for a while, and all of a sudden he leaves or she leaves.

There's a lot of times Christians will they beat themselves up.

What did I do wrong?

What could I have done better?

And they'll feel like they're a second-class citizen in the kingdom, they'll hurt themselves like emotionally, think ill of themselves.

And we have to remember this.

You don't get to control your spouse.

You can't control another autonomous, free agent human being.

Love is a volitional act on the person themselves, and they choose to give it, and they can choose not to love and to walk away.

And so you shouldn't hold yourself hostage, beating yourself down if you've been divorced and they left you for different reasons.

The Bible says right there, if they depart, let them depart.

That doesn't mean there's not going to be emotional pain, spiritual pain, mental pain, even financial pain.

But let me say this: your identity as a believer is, and your wholeness as a believer is not contingent upon that free agent staying with you your whole life.

Let that sink in.

Your identity is settled in Christ.

And if your husband or your wife decides to walk away or to cheat or to get into wickedness or they become abusive physically, emotionally, mentally, your father in heaven does not want you to be beat down, broken, and destitute and walked all over all day long in the name of we've got to stay in this marriage.

If they depart, let them depart, the scripture says the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases.

So if you're out there and you've been divorced and you've been carrying this pain on you for a long time, don't hold yourself in bondage anymore.

Don't hold yourself in jail anymore.

God is forgiving, God is gracious, God is loving, He's a loving father, He cares about you.

Yes, you're gonna still have scars, yes, you're still gonna have wounds, yes, there's still gonna be pain, but you don't have to sit there and beat yourself up.

Amen?

And you don't have to subject yourself to somebody else, some other Christian's punishment as well, thinking a certain way.

And so if they depart, let them depart.

Now you might say, well, preacher, um, what were those reasons again for divorce?

I'm kind of uh wondering about it.

And this can happen.

Uh well what one way uh for remarriage is obviously your spouse dies, right?

Death is one way for remarriage.

Um, another way for remarriage is um desertion.

They leave you.

That was their choice, right?

You can't control anybody else, they left you, right?

The third way is dismemberment, meaning they join their physical body, or how about this, mentally or emotionally, maybe they had a mental or emotional adultery with somebody else, or and a physical adultery with somebody else.

When they go join themselves to somebody else, they just violated the vows in marriage.

And now, do you biblically and scripturally have grounds for a divorce and remarriage?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

You sure do.

And does that happen?

Yeah.

What's the divorce rate?

Uh, over 50%, whether in church or out of church.

Well, why is that?

Because we're all human.

Everybody sins.

And this is just a part of it.

Now, what I what I want to kind of speak into here is let's say you you've been divorced, and you're wondering, okay, preacher, God loves marriage, God hates divorce, but there are reasons for um for divorce and for uh a separation, and there's a there's reasons and grounds for remarriage.

Yes, there is.

The man that led me to Christ, he had been divorced or remarried several times.

I'm so glad that he didn't just give up on his life because you know he couldn't he didn't get it figured out the first few times.

How many of y'all you didn't figure it out for the first few times?

How many of y'all are still trying to figure it out?

Yeah.

It's just part of life.

And the sooner we realize that salvation is not about keeping rules and it's not about proclaiming rights and it's not about getting as many riches as we can, but it's about trusting Jesus Christ, you can have peace.

You can have peace with God.

You can enjoy your marriage if you're married.

You can enjoy your singleness if you're single.

And you can be remarried if you have been divorced.

You say, Well, who do I remarry?

Well, look what the Bible says about remarriage here.

It says in verse 39, you're already there.

Verse 39 says, The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth.

But if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will.

Now look at right after the semicolon.

What does it say?

Only in the Lord.

First question I ask people when they're dating, if I'm talking to a Christian, are they saved?

Do they have a walk with God?

Do they love Jesus?

Are they in the Lord?

Why?

Because if they don't love God and they're not saved, then they don't have the Holy Spirit to help them to have temperance and to have love and to have peace and to and to avoid the four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships.

Listen, what keeps me is not my wife and it's not this church.

It's the Holy Spirit.

It's the Holy Spirit.

I need him.

Now you say, what are those four horsemen of the of the relational apocalypse?

Here's how you know you're starting to really head down the wrong trail in a relationship.

The first one is criticism.

Criticism is when you're judging the other person for all their faults.

You're belittling them.

You're just criticizing.

It's that nagging.

The second one is contempt.

When you start having strong disrespect, rolling the eyes, you're really thinking ill thoughts towards the other person, Satan's got you.

He's really messing with your mind.

And remember, he'll highlight the areas that you're focused in on.

Especially if it's sin and destruction and evil and pain, he'll amplify it.

All he's trying to do is create a stronghold in your life to get those destroyers in there.

The third one is defensiveness.

When you start denying responsibility and making excuses for why you are the way you are, and you're starting to get defensive, and then you're throwing assaults at the other person, oh, you're in a bad spot.

You're in a very bad spot.

You're getting defensive.

And the fourth one is this stonewalling.

Stonewalling is uh when you're giving them the silent treatment, when you're icing them out.

You ever been iced out before?

Yeah.

And all of a sudden, I'm not responding, I'm backing up, I'm not going to, and here's the problem.

When you start letting these four horsemen of the apocalypse in to your, and this could be for marriage, but it could be in any of your relationships.

It could be in business to business, peer-to-peer, member to member, you are not handling it in a biblical way.

Because when you have a problem as a Christian, the Bible says if I have, if I have a problem with you, I'm supposed to go to you and tell you your fault.

He can't fix his fault if I don't have the grace and the courage to tell him what he's doing that's hurting me.

That takes courage on my part and it takes humility on his part.

If you're gonna have great relationships on this earth, you have to be willing to slow down and not just cover your issues under a rug.

You have to be willing to say, okay, if I've hurt you, please tell me.

Or if you've hurt me, I'm gonna tell you.

What that is, is an accountability system where the Holy Spirit can activate grace and help nurture the relationship.

Now I know this isn't rah-rah loud preaching.

I know I'm not being super motivational right now, but won't it be pretty motivational if you don't have to sustain a divorce and lose 50% of your wealth and then see your kids once a week?

See, not everything's about rah-rah motivational preaching.

Sometimes it's just about getting the good skills and the good wisdom inside of you so you make really good choices.

And even if you made bad choices in the past, I'm not trying to throw any rocks at all.

I'm just trying to equip you so that you can make even better choices in the future.

You say, okay, preacher, how do I how do I develop a good marriage?

How do I develop good relationships?

Uh well, I'll tell you this: the five languages of love are pretty important.

You say, how do I do it?

Um one of the ways is just words of encouragement.

Hey, I'm really, really grateful.

I want to encourage you what you did there.

You know, if you come home and and and tell your children you want to have a great relationship with your kids, the first thing when you get home, don't tear them up.

Why when you get home, don't tear up your wife or your husband.

No, use some words of encouragement.

Hey, I really appreciate this, and I saw this, and and start building them up.

Use your words to build people up.

Next one is uh quality time.

Spend time together.

Go on a date.

Hey, you know what?

A good date is it will go a long way.

You want to have a good relationship, hold some hands and just go on a little date together.

I took my phone, I turned it off on Thursday and said, I I don't need anybody else's problems.

I gotta get refreshed.

I had a little bit of quality time with my bride.

We went to the zoo.

I acted like a monkey, we saw the hippopotamuses.

It was just wonderful.

But for 22 years of marriage, we can't say, okay, we said I'd do 22 years ago, I love you 22 years ago, and then just stop dating.

We gotta have quality time together.

We gotta block out other things.

Another way you can express your love is gifts.

I love getting gifts.

Right?

How many of y'all love getting gifts?

Yeah.

It's a blessing.

You want to build the relationship, give some gifts.

Now, gentlemen, that's gonna require you to be thoughtful.

You gotta stop thinking about yourself.

Right?

You gotta think about, okay, what does she want?

Now, it may not be gifts, maybe it's touch.

Maybe it's a pat on the back.

It's a high five.

You'll notice when the teenagers yesterday, when they were singing, and when people do a good job, I try to give a high five.

I try to look in the eye and say, hey, great job.

Words of encouragement with with a touch, you know, is a it goes a long way.

Sometimes when you're praying with somebody, you just come over and you're just like, hey, um, let's pray together.

You know, and you and you and you can put your hand on their back and just be like, Lord, bless them, and just start praying out loud for them.

You want to really bless your home and bless your kids and be a blessing?

Let your spouse, let your kids, let your church family know you love them.

Give words of affirmation, quality, time, and touch through prayer.

You say, did Jesus do this?

Oh yeah.

You want to see how the master did this?

Look in your Bible.

Look in your Bible.

Go over back over to Mark chapter 10.

Mark 10 · chapter mention

You're listening well.

Don't worry, I haven't forgot that we have our baptisms.

We got that coming up.

But this is so important, isn't it?

I mean, when's the last time you heard a message on marriage and divorce and remarriage and relationships?

And it's good, right from the Bible.

That's what we need.

We need this kind of stuff.

You say, what was that last uh uh love language?

Words of encouragement, quality time, gifts, touch, and acts of service.

You know how my wife knows that I love her?

How she feels love?

When I fill up the gas tank, when I clean the car, when I do some laundry, when I when I when I when I help do an act of service that lifts it off of her plate.

Now, I don't feel love that way.

I want her to come over and and and hug me and touch me and tell me how wonderful I am.

Right?

Touch and words of affirmation.

But if I go to her and I try to use touch and words of affirmation, she's like, What am I, just an object here?

So I had to learn she needs love in the way that she receives love.

Which means I had to disattach from my own lens and be a student and a servant of how is she going to receive the best?

And then I have to serve her in that way.

And then when I make those deposits in the relational account, she starts feeling good.

She starts feeling love.

And then what she'll do is she she doesn't come over and try to do all the things that make her love.

She gives me love in the way that I receive it.

And that's how you develop healthy relationships.

So acts of service.

Now, look what look at Jesus.

I'll finish right here, okay?

I just love Jesus.

We got we we started with Jesus, we're gonna end with Jesus.

Look at Jesus here with relationships.

Uh Mark 10, 13, and they brought young children to him that he should touch them.

Notice that's a way of showing love.

When you give a hug, you give an embrace, you give a touch.

And his disciples rebuke those that brought them.

But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased.

He wasn't happy that they tried to block the connection.

They tried to block the touch, they tried to block the relationship.

And he says, Hey, suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not.

For of such is the kingdom of God.

What was Jesus getting at?

He was saying, Hey, don't stop the little youngins.

Let them come to me.

You know, sometimes in divorce situations and broken home situations, you'll have one parent that is saved and one parent that is unsaved.

And the sad part is the little kids get caught in the mix of this territorial, possessive war, and it hurts them.

And I just want to remind all of us that Jesus loves the little children.

He loves the little kids.

And that's why one of the best investments all of us can make in our homes for our families and for our churches is to bring the little children to Jesus, to love on them, to pray for them, to lift them up, to help them get to the camps and to get to the awanas and to get to uh the VBS and to get to as many things where Jesus is loving on them and connecting with them as possible.

Jesus loves the little children.

And one of the reasons I think that the Lord really hates divorce, because you guys know how it felt for those of you who grew up in a broken home.

Man, the pain.

Oh, such heartache, such anger.

You didn't understand.

And I think God sees the little hearts and he doesn't want that for them.

He doesn't want the little children to be in a home where mom and dad are fighting and yelling and cussing at each other.

That's why I always advise listen, mom and dad, we're gonna have issues.

All of us have problems.

But take it behind closed doors.

Don't cuss in front of them, don't yell at each other in front of them.

Go behind closed doors and say, hey, let's have this conversation in a good way.

We're not gonna sweep it under the rug, we'll deal with it.

And by the way, whenever you mess up in your conversation, maybe you said something wrong, maybe she said something wrong.

Yes, confront the issue, but give forgiveness.

Where would you be if you didn't get God's forgiveness?

And if you messed up, you just say, hey, listen, I'm sorry, will you forgive me?

Practice that with me.

I'm sorry.

Will you forgive me?

That's humility.

That's how that's how you break down the defensiveness and you get the sweetness back in and get more grace.

And when they when somebody says they're sorry, will you forgive me?

You say, Yes, I forgive you.

Say, yes, I forgive you.

If you practice just that after there's an issue, and you bring in an embrace of, hey, I love you, I care about you, here's what you're gonna be doing in your relationships with your children, with your family.

You're gonna be sending a message.

I'm not perfect.

I mess up.

But thanks be to God that He gives me grace and mercy, and I'm I'm He's working on me still.

And I want to do better, I want to do right.

And when you give that out into your marriage, to your home, to your family, to your church, it creates a culture of authenticity, sweetness, and humility that people will respect you.

Not because you're perfect, but because you try to make things right.

Amen.

And so today, listen, I don't know what's happening in all of your homes and all of your families.

I know this wasn't a big rah-rah message, but if it just helps you a little bit, if it just helps you a little bit, maybe you've you're you're thinking about a divorce, maybe you you maybe you have grounds, but maybe there's a way God can salvage it.

Maybe instead of finding fault, you can kick the four horsemen of the apocalypse out and just find a way to rebuild love back in there and forgiveness back in there with some boundaries.

Maybe it's you've been divorced and it's over.

And you've been sitting on the sidelines, kind of like, woe is me, I'm no good, and kind of beating yourself up.

Maybe it's high time to just stop hurting yourself.

Stop holding yourself back.

And how about this?

Stop throwing rocks at your ex.

Stop demonizing them and giving that hatred out.

Just forgive them and let it go, let it be washed away, and let God help you move forward to whatever next is for you.

Because your next situation could be the best situation of your life.

And if you have children in your family, um, let me just encourage you, do your very best to love on them and give them something that you didn't have.

Give them love, give them stability, give them encouragement.

Don't don't speak ill of their mom and their dad.

Don't run run their their mommy or daddy down in front of them.

Don't play the territorial game.

You don't have to push somebody else down to lift yourself up.

Did you hear that?

You can just teach them, no, we're gonna forgive, we're gonna give grace, we're gonna pray, and and you can live on the higher ground.

You can overcome the evil with good and prayer and blessing, and it doesn't mean that what they're doing is right, but it does mean that you're choosing to do right.

And if you live this way, here's what I promise you you will live blessed by God.

You will feel his presence, you'll feel his power, and you'll sense the Holy Spirit helping you in all of your relationships.

No, you won't be perfect, I'm not perfect, but you're gonna be growing in his perfection.

And here's what I found.

You're gonna have more relationships.

Do you know how many people?

Do you know how many people they they just blow up bridges?

And they blow up relationships and they ghost people and they don't know how to how to confront issues, and they don't know how to be emotionally honest, they don't know how to say, I'm sorry, they don't know to say, hey, you hurt me and this is why.

Let me say this to you.

Go a little slower.

Have some courage and just deal with some of the harder stuff.

And I promise you this you're gonna grow so much sweeter and so much better, and you're gonna have a ton more relationships in your life because God's fruit is just gonna flow off of your life.

Amen.

That's the message.

It's not the one that I chose, it was just the next chapter and verse, and that's the blessing of the Bible.

Amen.

Let's pray.