Done with That: Forgiveness over Revenge

If you're a football fan, last weekend, this

weekend, next week, right? NFL today, college

championship tomorrow. It's just, it's some of

the best time to watch some really great football

on TV. And when you coach football, and I used

to do that for a lot of years, there's something

about coaching football that's a lot of fun,

but my most fun I had coaching football when

I was able to coach the youngest players and

the ones that were playing for the first time.

All right, so the question as a coach with all

these players, how do you tell a good football

player? And so you have them run the 40 -yard

dash, see how fast they are. Have them run around

the track for a mile and see who can stay standing,

not puking by halfway through, see if they did

any kind of running over the summer. Make them

lift weights, make them bench press, squat, see

how strong they are. See who can throw, spiral,

see who can actually catch. Try to find a kicker.

That's one of the hardest things in football.

Maybe someone can kick the ball more than a few

yards through the air. So you find all those

skilled people, but then if you coach football,

you know the key thing that has to be there.

Can they take a hit? And you don't know that

until it happens. Whether it's in practice or

a game, and you're watching, and this player's

all excited about playing, and all of a sudden

they don't see it coming, and man, they just

get creamed, and you're just like, that's going

to hurt. You go up to them and check if they're

injured, and they're not injured, but they're

hurt, right, because there's a lot of pain, and

there might be a little bit of tear if they're

the youngest players, they're not used to it.

And then you watch. Are they able to get back

in and... Stay in there? Or in practice, when

they see the hit coming, do they clench up? Because

if you play football, you know this. If you tighten

up, you're probably going to get hurt. Your body's

just going to kind of let it loose. Or do they

avoid the contact, right? You never know. But

the best players have to be able to take the

hits because that's the game. And what's true

in that game is true in, I guess, the game of

life. You've got to take the hits. They're always

going to be there. And you know it, right? You

know that there are going to be people that are

mean. That they're in school. There are kids

who are going to be bullies. That mean words

are going to be said. That gossip is going to

be there. There are going to be hurtful words

and hurtful actions. As you get a little bit

older, you start to realize something too is

those same words and actions and gossip, it starts

to dig a little bit deeper, right? Words really

hurt. And sometimes hurtful words and hurtful

actions ruin relationships. Really important

ones. Mess up lives in major ways. Cause real

pain and real hurt. And then I have to realize

something, that the people that said that or

did that are often the people that are closest

to me. A sibling, a parent, a spouse, a friend.

And then I want to have this, right? I want,

although I know I shouldn't, I want payback.

I want revenge. Just a little bit. TV. As Christians,

we know that that's not what God wants us to

do. And so how do you forgive? And I really think

for a lot of people in life, this is a major

issue, that there is something that's in front

of you, there is something out there, that there

is a person or people in your life that are constantly

kind of being negative in your life, that it's

hard for you to get past it. And so this morning

we're going to look at that, and we're going

to look at that through the life of a man named

Joseph. And we're going to take just a little

bit towards the end of his life. But before we

get to the end of his life and see what he does,

we have to know the arc of his life. Remember

Joseph in the Old Testament? He is one of the

12 sons of Jacob. There are two sons of Jacob,

and their most favorite, it's Benjamin and Joseph.

And Jacob showed a lot of favoritism to Joseph

and how the Bible portrays Joseph as not someone

who was really humbled for that favor by dad,

but just the opposite. He was just an arrogant

kid. And his brothers hated him. God gave Joseph

a gift of dream interpretation. You might know

Joseph for the story of the coat of many colors,

the scene in the musical. But the other part

of that story is that that dream interpretation,

the way Joseph got one of these dreams and essentially

told his brothers, yeah, you're going to bow

down to me someday, you and dad, and not in a

way that made the brothers like him anymore.

Remember the story of Joseph? One day he was

going out to the field to meet his brothers and

they saw him coming and they said, let's kill

him. One brother knew that wasn't right, so I

will put him in a well, I'll come back and release

him, but... In the meantime, another brother,

Judah, said, hey, look at this. It's a caravan

of slave traders. Let's sell Joseph to them.

And so they did. They told dad Joseph was killed

by a wild animal. Joseph sold to a man named

Potiphar. High up in the land of Egypt, underneath

Pharaoh. And so now Joseph being sold into slavery,

working in this man's house, and things are going

well. The Bible portrays it. And then, no fault

of Joseph, Potiphar's wife makes advances. Joseph

stops her and says, hey, I'm not going to do

such a wicked thing and sin against God. And

off to prison he goes. In prison, things go a

little bit better. He helps some of the prisoners

out, interprets dreams, and they forget about

him. One's released. Joseph still lingers. Then

Pharaoh has a dream. The guy remembers there's

a guy in prison who, oh yeah, I know a guy, Pharaoh.

Joseph interprets Pharaoh's dream that there's

going to be a famine coming. And all of a sudden,

Joseph, prison, now elevated to second in command

of Egypt, starts to plan for this famine. The

famine comes and life comes right full circle.

Famine isn't just in Egypt. Famine's all over

the world. And guess who is starving? Jacob and

his brothers. And guess who comes to Joseph's?

The brothers. And the Bible for a couple chapters

has this kind of tense exchange with Joseph and

his brothers. But the brothers don't know it's

Joseph, right? Because Joseph is an Egyptian.

He is speaking through an interpreter that they

don't see through his face and his robes and

his language. They start to realize something

as Joseph in this tense exchange. Uh -oh. Not

that they feel bad for what they did, but it's

like karma. We're getting paid back for what

we did. And then Joseph finally had enough. The

gig is up and here's where we begin. Notice what

Joseph does. He's going to tell them who he really

is. Joseph could no longer control himself before

all his attendants and he cried out, have everyone

leave my presence. So there was no one with Joseph

when he made himself known to his brothers. And

he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him

and Pharaoh's household heard about it. Joseph

said to his brothers, I am Joseph. Is my father

still living? But his brothers were not able

to answer him because they were terrified at

his presence. Then Joseph said to his brothers,

Come close to me. When they had done so, he said,

I am your brother Joseph. the one you sold into

Egypt, and now do not be distressed and do not

be angry with yourselves for selling me here,

because it was to save lives that God sent me

ahead of you. For two years now there has been

famine in the land, and for the next five years

there will be no plowing and reaping. But God

sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant

on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.

So then it was not you who sent me here, but

God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of an

entire household and ruler of all Egypt. Now

hurry back to my father and say to him, this

is what your son Joseph says. God has made me

lord of all Egypt. Come down to me. Don't delay.

You shall live in the region of Goshen and be

near me. You, your children and grandchildren,

your flocks and herds and all you have. When

Joseph came there and the brothers there, and

what did he say? Aha, finally. How the tables

have turned, brothers. I'm going to let you just

experience just a little bit of my life the last

20 or so years. No, not at all. That back and

forth, those words from Joseph, right? His weeping.

His just, hey, how's dad? Everyone's starving.

You're coming here. I'm going to bring you to

the land of Goshen. That's a really beautiful

area. Everybody's going to come here. It's going

to be great. And then you hear those words and

then remember Jesus' words. How does Joseph say,

I love you in that way? Because sometime, Joseph

had to have forgiven them from his heart. Maybe

it was when they walked through the door the

first time. Maybe it was when he was languishing

in prison. Maybe it was when he's sitting in

the well before he was sold. He's like, oh yeah,

I am fine. I know I shouldn't have said that

stuff. I don't know where it was in Joseph's

life. It's finally dawned on him. But he made

peace with his brothers. Before they did what?

Before they actually said, I'm sorry. He forgave

his brothers before they did what? Before they

said, Joseph, we were really mean to you. What

we did was, we shouldn't even. Actually, when

you kind of read how his brothers talk, I don't

know if they've ever actually spoke those words.

But Joseph forgave from the heart. He didn't

collect on the debt he was owed. See, that's

forgiveness, right? Forgiveness really is you're

saying to someone, I am not going to collect

on the debt you owe me. Here's what I mean by

that. When you're wronged, right? When someone

does something wrong to you, says something bad

to you, is mean to you, right, in light terms.

Or, right, even as it gets worse and worse and

what they did or what they said is so terrible,

it ruins a family and ruins relationships. the

person that is the one offended against and sinned

against says, man, you think you owe me. And

the debt I am going to collect is you're going

to feel similar pain, similar grief, similar

heartache, similar struggles. At the very least,

I want you just to understand just a little bit

of what you caused me to do. And what you caused

are light. And I want you to just experience

just the mess that you've caused. See, to forgive

someone is to say, I am not going to get that

debt repaid. I am not going to get revenge on

that person. But here's what's hard about that.

The debt has to be paid. And the debt's paid

by you then. you don't get to have revenge then.

In a similar way, think of it this way. If you

walk into a house and you knock over a lamp and

you break it, don't worry about it, accident,

no big deal. The lamp's broken. Just because

I said no big deal, I forgave you, doesn't mean

that there's not a debt. I have to go out and

buy a new lamp. Not my fault, your fault. I don't

care, right? I'll take care of it. That's the

same thing with forgiveness. You can't collect

the debt. You have to take it. You have to pay

for it. And here's what's hard about that. That

goes against every part of our being, right?

You know, that person truly did hurt you. Your

life is truly detoured now. Everything you hoped

and dreamed for might have blown up in smoke,

and it's not your fault. And Jesus now says,

forgive that person from your heart. Here's the

alternative, isn't it? The alternative is, be

angry with them. Every time you see them, walk

the other way. And you know how that feels when

that person is there. In your heart, we start

to realize why Jesus says you've got to forgive

from the heart because if you don't forgive from

the heart, what stays in there is those feelings

of anger and revenge and that just stays. And

you know that kind of heart, that is going to

come out in other ways. And then suddenly, right,

that person no longer hurting you because they've

moved on. But the hurt is still there and you

kind of re -hurt yourself over and over again.

And in school, one of the phrases that we start

to teach the kids is, in Christ, I'm not a victim,

but I'm a victor. What it means is, in Christ,

I am forgiving him. So how do you do that? Look

what Joseph did. In his words, you kind of see

how Joseph's able to forgive, right? Notice throughout

his... words to the brothers, there's this phrase

over and over again, God sent me. It was not

you who sent me here, but God was a part of this.

God has made me Lord over all Egypt, right? Joseph

understood that his life arc and all the different

things that happened to him, he saw God's hand

working through that. And then I'm guessing you're

hearing that and you're like, yeah, I guess,

Pastor, if... I was put second in command of

the United States and I won the lottery. I feel

good. Oh God, I see your plan now. My life is

in tatters, but suddenly now everything is mine.

So yeah, I'm good with whatever's done to me.

No. You have to understand and believe some of

the truths in Scripture that says God truly does

have a plan for you. God's promises are true

for you too. And I'm not trying to minimize or

say it doesn't matter. Because you know that

in the situation in life where you have been

wronged and things have been terrible, that it

truly is bad and rough and difficult. But there

are promises that God has for you that says,

I plan to be there and to surround you and to

be your constant presence. And we've got to trust

in that. I think one of the problems we have

with this thought of forgiving from the heart,

even though the person around me might not be

repentant towards me, right? Because I think

in the Christian mind, we say, I forgive. When

they apologize, I forgive them. When they feel

sorry, I forgive them. No. I want a person to

apologize. I want a person to repent, right?

Because that's what God wants. But my heart of

forgiveness, is not contingent upon acts of repentance.

It is not contingent upon an apology. But it

doesn't mean that the relationship is all going

to be perfect and okay now, right? You understand

this. In a marriage, sometimes, right, we might

say or do things towards our spouse and, oh yeah,

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. And your

spouse says, I forgive you, Tim. And then months

later, maybe you say the same thing, and then

your spouse says back to you, you're doing the

same thing you did a couple months ago, and your

response is, I thought you forgave me for that.

Yeah, but we're not talking about forgiveness

of the past. What we're talking about is trust,

right? Trust has to be rebuilt. And so there

is forgiveness. But then there are consequences

in life. And sometimes forgiveness doesn't mean

instant reconciliation. Sometimes forgiveness

doesn't mean that everything is back the way

it's normal and we're all good. Not all the time.

We have to set boundaries in our lives of people

that might be hurting us and not really doing

what they need to do. But it doesn't mean that

I can't forgive them or my forgiveness towards

them is contingent upon them making better choices.

In our growth groups this week, there's a question

at the end and it's going to ask, what person

in your life do you need to forgive? And what

steps can you take to do that? Some people may

not have anybody in their life to forgive. And

if you're not really sure if you do, I guess

think of the person that maybe you struggle with

and that might be the person, oh, no, this might

be the one. I guess here's a question for you.

Can you tonight go home, pray for them? When

they walk, if they'd walk into church and sit

nearby you, are you happy they came? Or are you

angry that they're here and this is my one spot

and I can't have you? And you are remembering,

are you seeing them in what they did to you?

Do you have just this constant feeling that you

wish that, man, every time I see them or even

worse, right, you see a positive thing in their

life on social media and it just grinds your

gears. You screwed our life up and now look at

you. You should not be having this. I think if

those feelings are there, there is a wound that

you have that has not yet been healed. And the

wounds that haven't been healed can only be healed

through forgiveness. See, the life of Joseph

gives us an example of forgiveness. But when

you hear it, if you see it, and if you have this

issue, you're like, I don't know how much that

helps. I'm not Joseph, Pastor. Here's the thing

with Scripture, especially Old Testament people,

always are meant also to point us to Jesus. And

you think, centuries after Joseph left, Joseph

points me to Jesus because there you have Jesus

who was betrayed by his brothers, sold for silver,

thrown into prison. unjustly accused, paying

for sins that he did not commit, dying on the

cross for no fault of his own, all fault of his

brothers. And then what happened to Jesus? Rode

from the dead, elevated next to God's right hand,

and what was the first thing that Jesus did up

there? Interceding for us. For the very people.

that at times reject him, betray him, don't put

him first in their lives. Jesus' first thought

is not, hey, people, you consistently neglect

me. I am going to consistently neglect you until

you figure it out. That's not Christ. Jesus is

what he says in Matthew. How many times are sins

forgiven because of Christ? Seven times? No,

77 times, right? Over and over and over again.

If you struggle with forgiveness, it does cause

a lot of problems in your life. It's hard. It's

hard to live that way. It's hard to live with

bitterness and no one wants to. I 100 % believe

that. No one wants to do that. So here you have

this morning. In Joseph, you have the example

of what it looks like. And in Jesus, the one

who has forgiven all your sins over and over

and over again, you have the grace. and the power

to replace vengeance with forgiveness, even to

that one person in your life, man, that you struggle

with. Jesus, right, just like the hymn, Jesus

paid it all. And now I can't forgive too. Amen.

Thanks for listening to Emmanuel's Sermon Podcast.

If you'd like to learn more about Emmanuel, you

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Have a great day.