How to Keep Broken Promises from Breaking Us

Matt: Welcome to the PS podcast. We're so glad that you are here with us this week and it's another great week to spend some time reflecting on our sermon from this week. Wes, welcome. Thank you for the lesson yesterday. For those who weren't with us yesterday, do you mind giving just a little bit of a recap of what we talked about?

Wes McAdams: After a sermon is over, have you ever wanted to make a comment, ask a question, or listen to the preacher say more about a particular idea? If so, this podcast is for you. My name is Wes McAdams, and I'll be sitting down with one of my fellow McDermott Road ministers to discuss comments, questions, and thoughts that have come up after the sermon is over. Welcome to P.S., the Post-Sermon Podcast. Thanks so much for listening to P.S., the Post Sermon Podcast. To find out more about this podcast or about the Church of Christ on McDermott Road, you can visit our website at ccmcdermott.org slash P.S. If this has been an encouragement to you, we also hope you will rate and review the show wherever you're listening, as well as share it with a friend. Because we believe sermons are not just for Sunday, but for our whole week and our whole life. Thanks brother, Yeah, so we're still in this series. We'll be in the series from Mother's Day to Father's Day talking about don't freak out, don't panic, don't lose your cool over the things that are going on. And specifically this week we talked about when people break their promises, when people don't follow through on the things that they plan to do, or even the expectations that you have of those people, even if they're not explicitly promised to us. And so we talked about Psalm 146. and the idea of not trusting in princes. And we sort of applied that not only to royalty or to those in positions of authority and power, but also to all human beings, because all human beings are flawed to some degree, whether that's because they break promises by their own choice and volition, or sometimes they break promises just because they're mortal and they die before they're able to fulfill the things that they said that they would do. And so the encouragement of Psalm 146 is, Don't put your trust in human beings, put your ultimate trust in the Lord. And that does keep us from quote unquote, freaking out when we put our trust in the Lord rather than in human beings who are flawed.

Matt: And I mean, to that point, I mean, you could argue that all of scripture is a story of, you know, human beings not holding up to their end of the covenant arrangement and, you know, God's steadfastness in the midst of it. With that being said, you know, a lot of your series, you're working through a particular text the whole time. with this, it sounds like you could have had a lot of different options for which text you wanted to pull from. You mentioned what drew you to Psalm

Wes McAdams: Yeah.

Matt: 146 a little bit. Do you want to speak a little bit more into, you know, out of all the examples of putting our trust in things that can't fulfill why this one stood out?

Wes McAdams: Yeah, I don't know. That's a great question. It's been, you know, six, seven months since I, since I planned this series. And so I'm not really sure why I chose that passage specifically other than I love this, this truth of not putting our trust in earthly whatever, like you name it, not just people, but earthly powers, earthly authorities, earthly systems, governments, whatever the case may be. And we're constantly drawn to and tempted to put our trust in earthly things. And Israel struggled with that. The Jewish people struggled with that. We struggle with that. Today, I said on Sunday that I don't know of anything that has affected relationships within families and relationships within the church more than specifically putting our trust in political figures, political people, leaders, government officials, we put our trust in human beings and it's specifically what the psalmist says not to do. Don't put your trust in princes. Don't put your trust in political leaders because they will fail you. And it's really not even approached from a sort of a cynical standpoint of they're all liars. It's just that they're going to die. And we have to recognize that that's true. And we put so much pressure on not just political leaders, but also on our spouse or on our kids or on our parents or on our siblings or friends or church leaders for that matter. And we put so much pressure on people forgetting that they are dust, you know, they are frail, they are mortal, they are human. And we put so much pressure sometimes on them that it crushes them. and we find ourselves devastated and disappointed when they don't live up to our expectations.

Matt: And you know, you use the word expectations, you know, several times throughout the sermon and you know that that's kind of a loaded word in a lot of ways. And when it comes to setting expectations, you know, first answer might be, ⁓ we use scripture to set expectations about these different, you know, entities. And that's true, but that's also very broad. So like when you think of, hey, you know, what is a reasonable expectation for you some of the parties that you mentioned and, you know, we can't go through all of them unless you just want to. what was maybe some practical tools for setting? I don't want to use the word reasonable, but maybe that's not the best word, maybe theologically appropriate or, you know, the ways that a disciple should. mean, I don't know the right word there.

Wes McAdams: Yeah, yeah, it's a great question because sometimes our expectations are reasonable from the standpoint that, you should be able to expect the people in your life to keep their promises, to do what they say they're going to do, or even to do what's right. Even when we're talking about other Christians, should you be able to expect one another to do the right thing? And I think that's what's interesting about Psalm 146 is here, he's describing this problem with putting your trust in princes and then he goes on to say it's only the Lord who does all of these things. It's only the Lord who feeds the hungry. It's only the Lord that gives sight to the blind. It's only the Lord who executes justice on behalf of the oppressed. It's only the Lord who ministers to the sojourner, the foreigner. Well, the thing about that is that the princes, the powers, the kings, the rulers, the authorities, they were making those promises. And there's a certain degree to which you should be able to expect them to do that. Like who else is going to execute justice except for the person in charge. And so when the person in charge says, I'm going to execute justice on behalf of the oppressed, there is a certain degree to which, yeah, you should be able to expect them to do that. And so we do have somewhat. reasonable expectations for our family members, for our friends, for our coworkers, whoever that may be. While we expect them to do the right thing, we also acknowledge that sometimes they won't. And I think that that's what we were really trying to get at on Sunday was that in a world of broken promises, how do we keep these broken promises from breaking us? And so when somebody makes a promise to me and they say, Wes, I will do X, Y, and Z. There's a degree to which it's reasonable for me to expect them to do X, Y, and Z. But at the same time, I also need to be okay if they don't. I need to be able to say, even if my spouse doesn't do what my spouse is supposed to do, or even if my kids don't do what they're supposed to do, even if the rulers don't do what they're supposed to do, I'll be okay because I have the Lord. I'm not going to freak out. I'm not going to panic. I'm not going to lose my cool or lose my faith. because other people didn't do what they were supposed to do. That doesn't mean we shouldn't expect them to do that or want them to do that. They should do that and it's right for us to expect that. But even if they don't, even if they don't fulfill the things that they should fulfill, I need to be okay. I need to not come to pieces. I need to not break apart when they break their promises. And the only way we can do that is put our ultimate trust and hope in the Lord so that we can say, I want people in my life to do the right thing, but even if they don't do the right thing, I'm still going to be okay because the Lord has me. The Lord is in charge of me.

Matt: No, I I think that's a great truth, a very hard truth to live into, you know, in a lot of ways when you think about, you know, some practices for preparing yourself to not fall apart when, you know, those instances happen or, you know, it becomes a larger pattern. Like, sadly, it's not a one-off thing in some of our relationships. It's over and over and over and over that these things happen. What kind of things can you do for yourself to make sure that your relationship with God is such that you're preparing for those eventualities?

Wes McAdams: Yeah, I think that's really the whole crux of this entire series is acknowledging the very real pain and that things aren't supposed to be this way and that we're not okay with them being messed up. We're not okay with things being broken and lamenting how things are, but at the same time being content and being joyful in spite of the way things are.

Matt: Thank

Wes McAdams: Sometimes it's hard to know how can you do that? Like how can you hold both of those realities in your hand at the same time? And that's really what hope is all about. I like to say that hope is the ability to hold grief in one hand and joy in the other to be able to say This is broken. It shouldn't be this way. People shouldn't do these things. People shouldn't break their promises People should do what they're supposed to do or do what they say they're going to do and I'm not okay with you doing this to me or I'm not okay with you doing this to other people. And at the same time saying, I rejoice in the Lord because I know that Jesus is going to set everything okay and is going to make everything okay. And that there is a tension there, there's a paradox there to say, how can you be okay when things are not okay? And it really comes down to trust. Like, do we believe that Jesus will make everything okay? And we're gonna talk more about this as we go throughout this series about rejoicing in the Lord. We do need to stand up and say something when someone is continually, like you said, making a habit of breaking promises or doing things that are wrong. And there does need to be boundaries. But at the same time, I can say, yet, even though... all of these things are happening, I'll rejoice in the Lord over what He has done, over what I believe He is doing right now, because Jesus is on the throne, our Lord reigns and will always reign. So what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will do, that brings a joy that overflows and outweighs all of the bad that is happening. And so we have to be able to do both at the same time, acknowledge the bad. even stand up against the bad, while at the same time rejoicing over the good and trusting that everything that is broken, God will eventually, when Jesus comes, make everything okay.

Matt: And I think, you know, how this series in a lot of ways builds off your last series is helping us to think through what should fall in the realm of the now and what should fall in the realm of the not yet. And it's hard to put our finger on exactly what that means, but there are better visions than, than others, if that makes sense. It's not to say that we can necessarily know all of it, but how does that, you know, when it comes to a family situation, when it comes to, you know, some of these things, how do you begin to put practical language of, this is something that's going to happen in the now that we can work towards, and hey, this is something that is only going to happen when Jesus comes back.

Wes McAdams: ⁓ Yeah, we can't expect everything to be perfect, everything to be set right. We have to expect that there are going to be things that are broken, but that doesn't mean that we don't do the good that we can do. And I think that's what it comes down to is it is incumbent upon us. We must be filled with love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness. We must do the good works that God has prepared for us to do. but then we leave the outcomes up to the Lord. Like how things are gonna work out, that's up to the Lord. All I can do is do what I can do today, start where you are, use what you have, do what you can. Like do the good thing that's in front of you to do and leave the outcome up to God. And that's a really challenging thing to do, but there's so much peace that comes with that. That if we said that in our marriage or we said that with our kids, we say, I'm not gonna give up. I'm just gonna do the next right thing. I'm gonna do the next right thing to show them that I love them, to say what is true, to help them overcome this situation. But I'm also gonna recognize that they're a human being. They have their own agency. They can make their own choices. They may make great choices and they may make horrible choices. I'm not in charge of that. What I am in charge of is what I say and what I do and what I think. I'm in charge of those things and I'm gonna... I'm going to act faithfully and loyally to King Jesus and for his honor, for his glory in his name, and then I'm going to leave the results and the outcomes up to him. Again, easier said than done, but that's exactly I think what we have to do is recognize that I can't control the way all of this works out. I can't control how even my spouse or my kids or my marriage or my whatever works out, but I can control what I say and what I do. and I'm gonna leave the rest up to the Lord.

Matt: think that's really helpful and it kind of connects back to your expectations, point that you made at the beginning. But how do we, I think one of the traps that I was thinking of as you were talking there is, I don't know if you would call it sentimentality or just like this idea of, ⁓ it's not gonna happen to my marriage or to my kid or to my, like, yeah, yeah, I know that other parents should talk to their kids about these things, but. you know, I don't really need to talk about that or my kid's never going to do this or that. Like, how do we... I don't want to say we can be overly optimistic, but sometimes we can... like, how do we find a realism that's also, you know, hopeful? I mean, you already talked about the holding those two things, but can you speak more to that tension about our own, you know, maybe blindness to our own family challenges, if that makes sense?

Wes McAdams: Yeah, yeah, that's a great question. We have to understand that everyone, including ourselves, like we can't put ourselves on a pedestal and say, I would never, you know, I would never do this or I would never be tempted by that, or I could never find myself in this situation or that situation. We have to recognize our own frailty, our own ability to be tempted and guard against that ourselves, but then also do the same with the people that we love and not put them on a pedestal. and think that could never happen to them. They would never fall into this temptation. We have to recognize that it doesn't mean that they're horrible people. It doesn't mean that they're no good. It doesn't mean that they are, as the Calvinists say, totally depraved and incapable of doing anything right or good. It doesn't mean that we go to that extreme, but it does mean recognizing that human beings are frail and fragile. And if scripture teaches us anything, it's that we are of the flesh, which is a metaphor that speaks to our weaknesses, both our weaknesses morally and mortally. Like we are morally weak and we are mortally weak. And so, yeah, sometimes as we said yesterday, like we make bad decisions and other times we just get tired or we're uninformed or we're ignorant. We don't have the knowledge. We don't have the strength. We don't have the ability. And we have to recognize that that anyone, even the people that we love and we think the most highly of, they're capable of having a moment of weakness as well. And so we need to not set ourselves up for failure and devastating disappointment by thinking that could never happen to me or that could never happen in my family.

Matt: I think that's really true and being able to love someone through that situation is hampered if you are completely, like you said, crushed yourself. And when the situation happens, it becomes more about you than the person you're trying to help at that point. you know, especially in a family situation that can build when it comes to communication, you know, as you were talking about setting those expectations and recognizing our own flaws like How do we go about, you know, reminding other people in our lives about, mean, cause I feel like on some level, like anytime that gets brought up of like, Hey, I'm only human or, you know, I'm only such and such. just, it's so true, but at the same time, it almost feels like a cop out sometimes, like when you're in a relationship with somebody else. like any thoughts for how we communicate that to the people we're in relationship with?

Wes McAdams: Yeah, it is why I ended yesterday the way that I did. I gave four different points. One of them was don't make promises that you can't keep. Like you need to take into consideration what James says. Like say if the Lord wills, if the Lord wills, because I'm not in charge of whether this happens or that happens. I'm human and I'm not in control of whether or not I even live to see tomorrow. So I can't make a promise that I'm going to do X, Y and Z tomorrow because I might not even be here tomorrow. So don't make promises that you can't keep, but at the same time, keep the promises that you do make because you're following Jesus. We need to recognize that there is a sense in which, quote-unquote, I'm only human, but there is also a sense in which I am because of Jesus and because of the Holy Spirit dwelling in me. I'm actually more than human now. I have the power of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is empowering me. to be faithful, to be faithful not only to the Lord, but to be faithful to my wife, to be faithful to my kids, to be faithful to the church. The Spirit of God is empowering me to overcome some of those weaknesses. So I am beginning to be more than human through the power of the Holy Spirit. And so we need to, again, it's a paradox, there's a tension there, and we need to hold both of those in our hand at the same time. We need to... recognize our own limitations, say I'm not God, I'm not the rock, I can't make promises to you that I am not in control of, but at the same time, I can promise I will be faithful, I can promise I will tell the truth, I can promise that I will do the things that I say that I will do, not because I'm strong enough or good enough, but because the Holy Spirit dwells in me, and that's part of trusting the Lord. Trusting the Lord is also like... believing him when he says, the Spirit of God lives in you, the Spirit of God is empowering you. So if a person is not a Christian, I don't think we hold them to that standard. But if someone is a Christian, we encourage them to lean into the power of the Spirit who is empowering you to be faithful, to keep your word, to let your yes be yes and your no be no. The Spirit of God is empowering you. to be more than you were before, to be more than you are in the flesh alone. Now again, if somebody's not a Christian, I don't think we can hold them to that standard. It doesn't mean that we justify their bad behavior. It doesn't mean that we let them off the hook or that they aren't responsible for breaking their word. But it does mean that we recognize that if not for the grace of God and the Spirit of God living in us, we would be exactly the same way. And so we don't expect them to be what we through the power of the Spirit are capable of being because of God's grace shown to us.

Matt: I think that makes the, you know, trust in princes, you know, thing that much more difficult to navigate sometimes is because, you know, a lot of those promises are wrapped in things that sound Christian like or even put out there under the moniker of Christianity, you know, from a variety of different sources. But I think maybe sometimes we have an inability to, you we take the bait and we assume because they've used Christian language that they're going to be able to follow through on their promises. So how do we use discernment and not, you know, following pray to those types of repackaging with what we want to hear, if that makes sense.

Wes McAdams: Yeah, I mean, I may get in trouble for this one, but I don't think that there has ever been a Christian government. I think that the whole idea of Jesus being the Messiah, that is an incredibly political term. We are saying that Jesus is King. Jesus is the King of this universal kingdom of God, that He is the one, the government. sits on his shoulders. He is the ruler. He is the emperor, if you want to use Roman language. He's the emperor of God's universal kingdom. And so when other kingdoms, when other governments borrow Christian language, they're making a claim that is directly in competition and contradiction to the gospel claim. The gospel claim is that God has one government, one kingdom, and it is the kingdom of God, and the headquarters, the capital city, is the New Jerusalem. It is the hidden city of God that will appear when Jesus comes again. And so when other governments say, actually we are another government of God, we are another Christian government, another Christian power or entity, I think that that is in, and again there's a lot of Christian thought that would disagree with that, that is in direct competition with that. But again, we have to recognize the claim that Psalm 146 is making. It's the same thing that all earthly governments have always claimed. to be able to do these great and wonderful things and even borrowing religious language to say, we can do these things on behalf of God or God has empowered us to execute justice for the oppressed. God has empowered us to feed the hungry. God has empowered us to give sight to the blind and they make all of these grandiose claims and the temptation is to believe the propaganda. over and over and over again, God's people fell for it, hook, line, and sinker, and we need to be, as you said, more discerning than that and to trust that there really is only one kingdom of God. And it doesn't mean that every other kingdom in the world, every other government, every other country or nation is bad and wicked and horrible and, you know, does nothing but evil things. That's not to say that, but it is to say that these other nations, these earthly nations, are weak and they're earthly. They do not have the power that God has. They do not have the power that the Messiah, the Christ, the King has. And our ultimate trust needs to be in Him. And we need to take all of the propaganda of the earthly kingdoms, even when they borrow religious and even Christian language, we need to take that propaganda with a grain of salt and say, yeah, yeah, yeah. You say that you could do all of these things. You say that God has given you the authority and the power to do all of these things. But that power, that authority, that power rests in Jesus alone. He is the Christ. He is the Messiah. He is God's anointed one. And when other groups or powers or authorities or nations or governments claim that authority for themselves, We need to be dismissive of that and cynical of that. I think that's exactly what Psalm 146 teaches us.

Matt: So, you these are called the Hallelujah Psalms. You talked ⁓ quite a bit about that on Sunday, and I intended to look this up. Do we know if this was a Psalm of David or not?

Wes McAdams: No, these are probably Psalms that were written after the exile, after they came back from Babylon and kind of living under Persian rule.

Matt: That's right, you did mention that, that's right. And so, you know, with that, it, you know, I think it'd be interesting to catch that against, you know, somebody who isn't a role of authority. If he had written this Psalm, you know, would have been interesting too. But your perspective there on in exile is the same perspective that we live in each and every day, for sure. So we did get a question this week. I wanted to read it. It says, I am trying to grow in my ability to accept the fact that humans are imperfect and will let me down, often not on purpose. But I currently still have a very low tolerance of people being imperfect and I still cannot handle imperfections of other people. How can I grow in this area?

Wes McAdams: Yeah, that's an incredibly honest and vulnerable confession to say that, to say that, you know, I'm intolerant of people's weaknesses, people's imperfections. And I think to some degree we all are, but most of us aren't honest enough to say exactly that. And so I commend the person who wrote this email for saying that. I think that part of it is recognizing what love is. What does it mean to love people? And Paul gives us a really detailed explanation of what it looks like to love people in the church. And one of the things is he says that love always hopes. It sees the best in people. gives people, as we would often say, it gives people the benefit of the doubt. And I think that's really important when it comes to loving people is giving people the benefit of the doubt. There's always this gap of what people are doing and what people are saying. And we don't know exactly like, why did that person do this? They said this, but maybe that's not exactly why they did this. Like, why did they act this way? Well, I can fill in that gap with all kinds of things. I can assign the very worst possible motives to them and say, well, you know, they said they did it because of this, but I bet it's because they're really wicked. They're really doing this. They're really a liar. They're really manipulative. They're really whatever. And so I could fill in the gap. with the worst possible motives or I could give them the benefit of the doubt and say, I don't know. So I'm going to assume the best about them. I'm gonna always hope that it's for the best possible reason and that they didn't do this with any ill intent. They didn't do this with maliciousness in their heart. They did this because they were trying to do the best possible thing and they made a mistake and I make mistakes. So giving people the benefit of the doubt, recognizing our own imperfection. how we've messed up. mean, sometimes I will joke with people that, you know, somebody will say, well, you know, here's this thing that I don't like about you. And I think, or I'll even jokingly say to them, that's because you don't know everything there is to know about me. If you knew everything, there'd be a whole lot more you'd have against me. Like, there's all kinds of things that you would have against me. If you knew the whole truth about me, you know, sit down, let me tell you some more about me that you wouldn't like. And so that's the thing is like, There is so much in me that is imperfect that sometimes I even feel I feel out of place for even correcting someone else or saying, hey, I disagree with you about this or why did you do that thing when it's like, well, who am I? Who am I to say that? Sometimes I need to say those kind of things. I need to correct. need to rebuke. need to admonish as we all do. But sometimes I feel totally out of place doing that because it's like, who am I to do that? And so Part of it is giving the benefit of the doubt. Part of it is humility. And then part of it is just rejoicing in the Lord. It's just being overwhelmed with who He is and His grace and His mercy and His steadfast love for us. And when we are overwhelmed with that and we realize how merciful He's been to us and how much He's done for us, then we're like, man, it's a lot easier to, I love the word overlook. Overlook. imperfections, overlook inconsistencies, overlook even broken promises. There are some times, and we'll talk about this in a couple of weeks, there are some times when sin or transgression needs to be addressed. It needs to be rebuked. It needs to be admonished. We need to call people out and say, hey, stop doing this thing. And there are other times where we just have to overlook it, where we just say, you know, I'm sure it was a mistake. They didn't mean to do that. And we just move on with our life. And when we focus on how good God is and all the things that he's done for us and all the things he's promised us and that he's gonna make everything okay in the end, there's a whole lot less that I feel like I have to call out when I really trust that Jesus is gonna make everything all right in the end. When I really believe that, then I don't think it's up to me to straighten everybody out, to fix everything, because I know that Jesus is going to fix everything in the end.

Matt: think that's so helpful and I think when it comes to the context of being a community of faith, those same expectations have to apply and this idea that... any relationship that you're in. think a lot of times we say the relationship with our spouse or our kids, they're going to be the ones in your life who love you the most and hurt you the most. And I think that same type of admonition and advice has to apply to our church family as well. And that a part of the commitment that we have to each other is recognizing that. there's a risk involved with being in relationship. And if you're entering into a community of faith with the expectation that you're not going to get hurt, then that's kind of a dangerous footing to be on because it's a part of all human relationships for sure. Any closing thoughts from this week that you want to make sure and impart?

Wes McAdams: No, I just hope that we kind of keep this whole big picture in mind of this idea of there are a lot of things that can cause us to freak out. There are a lot of things that can cause us to panic, to lose our cool, to forget who we are and what we have. But I hope that we're all, I know I am, reminding myself week over week as things come up and as people break their promises, as things don't go according to plan, reminding ourselves that, hey, It may not be okay right now, but it will be okay. Jesus is going to make everything okay. And when we really, truly believe that that's true, it can help us get through the hard things. As we said on Sunday, it still hurts. It still hurts. Even though we know Jesus is on the throne, it still hurts when people break their promises, when people fall short, when things are not as they're not as they should be. It still hurts. And it's okay to admit that it hurts, but it hurts less when we recognize that Jesus is going to fix everything and going to make everything okay.

Matt: So where are we going this Sunday?

Wes McAdams: Yeah, we're going to talk about Paul. We're kind of, you know, looking at passages all over the scriptures. And so we're going to talk about Paul's letter to the church at Philippi and his encouragement to a couple of ladies there who were having conflict. And there's a lot of things in Philippi and in Paul's life as he's writing this letter from prison that could stress people out. I mean, to say stressed out would kind of be an understatement for what they were going through in their context. And so it helps, think, for us when we're stressed out in our situations, when we're sort of overwhelmed by a situation, whether it's conflict or just things that have happened, things that have come up or things that we're going through, when we're stressed out, it can be really helpful to look at other Christians and look at the things they went through and listen to the encouragement to take all of our anxiety, all of our worry to the Lord and trust Him with the things that we're going through. And even, and even, find a way to rejoice in the Lord even when we're going through these stressful situations.

Matt: I'm looking forward to that and thank you for this series. I know that it's helpful every time that we dive into these practical, familial situations. I know I need that and so I appreciate you bringing that to us. If you're in the Dallas area, we would love for you to join us at McDermott Road. We'd love for you to watch us online if you're somewhere else and we'd love for you to find a church community to be a part of. But thank you so much for listening to the PS Podcast. Have a great week.