Gospel Shaped Relationships

Well, imagine yourself hurtling down the freeway

and suddenly the driver rips the steering wheel off

and throws it out the window.

You're out of control.

It's going to end badly.

That, I think, is a picture of exactly where we're at as a society

when it comes to thinking about marriage and relationships.

Some have veered away into believing that relationships and family,

maleness and femaleness, can take any form a person chooses.

They'll go on to say that many people, if not most people,

will experience several different relationship forms

and they'll have perhaps even several different gender expressions

over their lifetime.

And they will all be acceptable.

Others veer off in another direction,

believing that marriage and family is just a cultural invention

of men and religion.

And it's been invented to control and exploit women.

And therefore it should be abolished completely.

Others steer off in the opposite direction,

making family and marriage absolutely essential

to their sense of identity and worth as a person.

I've got to be married.

I've got to have children.

And so here we are,

back and forth across the road

because we've no longer got a steering wheel.

And the inevitable result

is that so many will crash and burn.

And as Christians,

we've got to live in the middle of this chaos

and find a way to navigate

that reflects who we are as Christians.

So I want to say to you this morning

as I move into this series

and open up the series

for those who follow after me,

I want you to hear that this teaching series

is really important

because we need the steering wheel of God's word

if we are to model

gospel-shaped family relationships

in the face of this vicious

and unrelenting attack

that we're part of.

We need to know what's right.

We need courage to do what's right.

But I also hasten to add

that it will be a difficult series.

Certainly it's going to be difficult

for us to present

because of our failings

in this very area of relationships and family.

And it'll be difficult for you to hear

for exactly the same reason.

It's always easier to pretend

that things are well, isn't it?

Than to take ownership of things that aren't right

and to work for real change.

And so it'll be difficult to hear, I suspect.

But it will also be easily dismissed, I suspect,

as being too general to be helpful.

So what I mean by that is that

so often we come to an issue like family and relationships

with very specific issues

that are very specific to us

and we want answers for those issues.

Those are the burning questions for us.

And so then we get frustrated

because our burning question

isn't immediately answered.

And so we write the whole thing off

as being irrelevant.

Well, all I can say to you this morning

is I ask you to stay with us

as we lay the solid foundations

from which countless real issues

might be properly addressed.

We need the foundations right

before we can see how to connect in

and answer the specifics.

So with that introduction,

let's turn to God's word in Genesis 1 and 2.

And I want to just give you a very brief overview

of God's design for relationships.

And I've set it as a chart there

because I want you to see

just the opposites as they develop,

but hopefully you'll see that yourself

as I talk through this.

So God's design for relationships

set out in Genesis 1 and 2.

And I want to begin by saying this,

that our identity,

our sense of self,

is in being image bearers.

If you look at chapter 1 of Genesis,

if you've got your Bible open,

chapter 1, verses 26 and 27,

very familiar words,

but we need to look at them

and refresh our memory again of them.

Then God said,

let us make man in our image,

mankind in our image,

after our likeness.

And let them have dominion

over the fish of the sea

and over the birds of the heaven

and over the livestock

and over all the earth

and over every creeping thing

that creeps over the earth.

So God created man in his own image.

In the image of God,

he created him.

Male and female,

he created them.

We are made as image bearers.

Our identity comes in the fact

that we are to be

a reflection of God's character.

A reflection of our good God

and defined in relation to him.

So we're told there

that in the Genesis and creation story

that people are mankind,

humankind,

people are totally unique

and distinct among created animals

by virtue of being made

in God's image.

So what is it then

to be made in the image

or reflection of God?

Well, Genesis 2 highlights

four key areas

which will come out

over the next four weeks.

I just want to mention two

this morning.

To be a reflection of God

primarily is to be made

for relationship.

So we're in the column

on the left now.

By design,

we were made

for engagement

with God.

In Genesis 1 and 2,

the picture of engagement there

is what's known

as the eternal community.

Father, Son, and Spirit.

The Trinity

existed in harmony

before creation.

And mankind

was made

to engage

in that eternal community.

To enjoy

that eternal community.

To fully participate in it

with Father, Son, and Spirit.

To model that community

in all of life's relationships

in the context

of the world

that God has put them in.

And we see also

in Genesis 1 and 2,

the relationship

was characterized

by trust

and delight

and submission.

Adam delighted in God.

He appreciated

that his security

and satisfaction

and purpose

was in relationship

with God.

And in chapter 2,

he thrived

within the functional roles

allocated to him

by God

as God's vice-regent

in ruling the world,

ruling God's creation.

And then as we move

through chapter 2,

we see

a particularly

interesting thing

that being made

for a relationship

was characterized,

these relationships

were characterized

by a loving

complementarity.

Look at chapter 2,

verse 18,

and you see

a really, really

amazing thing.

Remember that

Adam had

a unique,

special,

intimate relationship

with God,

very direct.

And yet,

in verse 18,

the Lord God said,

it is not good

that the man

should be

alone.

Adam enjoyed

a unique relationship

with God,

the Creator.

Yet,

for all that,

God spoke

of Adam's

aloneness.

Adam needed

a relationship

that was

of the same

essence,

the same nature

as his relationship.

He had a wonderful

relationship

with God,

but it wasn't

perfectly reciprocal.

Adam needed

a relationship,

a horizontal

relationship

of the same

essence.

So,

in God's design,

chapter 2 of

Genesis,

in God's design,

one became

two,

and guess what?

Two became

one again.

It's quite a neat

little trick,

really.

Adam and Eve

expressed their

strong sense

of self,

self.

Each created,

in the image

of God,

their strong

sense of self

in a loving

complementarity.

And we'll open

it up more

in the next

weeks,

but each

in that

complementarity,

each valued

sameness.

Bone of my bone,

flesh of my flesh.

Each valued

sameness

in the context

of different

functional roles.

Each benefited

from the other,

a helper,

so that together

they could be

something which

they couldn't be

individually in

their aloneness.

And they benefited

from one another,

yet without thought

of competing.

And we're told

then at the

beginning of

chapter 2

that all

these relationships

happened in

the context

of rest

or peace.

When God

finished his

work of creation,

he rested.

In other words,

God shifted

his focus

from actual

creating

to sustaining

and enjoying

that which

he had created.

that's the

picture of

chapter 2.

And so

that leads

into

chapter 2

then.

The second

idea of being

designed is

to be a

reflection of

God in

being made

for worship.

Being made

for relationship

but being made

secondly for

worship.

And so

again,

we picture

the harmony

of the eternal

community,

Father,

Son and

Spirit.

the harmony

is modeled

through an

appropriate

response of

each of those

to the other.

That is the

definition of

harmony.

Father,

Son and

Spirit,

different but

appropriate

response to

each,

creating this

harmony.

So also

image bearers

were designed

to respond

appropriately to

God as

his creatures.

And again,

this is

worship.

Worship is

simply a

response to

God.

And we

see in

Genesis chapter

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

2 that it's

an all-of-life

response in

the garden.

Individually,

they were to

respond appropriately

to God as

image bearers.

Together,

they were to

respond appropriately

to God as

image bearers

together.

They were

thriving happily

under his

rule,

valuing God-ordained

distinctions and

boundaries.

And they see

that in

Genesis chapter

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

2 they were

worshipping in

their work of

tending the

garden and

ruling the

world.

That was

worship.

They were

worshipping God

in their

marriage relationship

as they were

helpers and

complementary of

one another.

And I take

it that means

that worship

included their

sexual relationships.

So in that

activity, that

aspect of

marriage,

that also was

an appropriate

response to

how God had

made them.

Worship is an

all-of-life

response.

Everything was

worship.

Everything was

God's rest, in

other words.

So God's

rest, when you

spell it all

out from

Genesis chapter

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

2, is the

peace, the

harmony, the

satisfaction that's

enjoyed when

God's people live

as God designed

them to live, as

God created them

to live.

love.

In sameness, but

indifference.

In engagement

with God, yet

worship of him.

God's rest, in

God's rest, in

God's rest, in

God's rest, in

God's rest.

In

Genesis chapter

Genesis 3 · chapter mention

3,

but of course, all

this was ruined.

We move into

chapter 3.

All this was

ruined when

rebellion or sin

entered God's

world.

And so the

picture we have in

Genesis chapter

Genesis 3 · chapter mention

3, relative to

chapter 1 and 2,

is that sin

grotesquely

distorts

everything that

God had

designed.

And so any

image bearing or

reflection of

God, especially

in the sense of

identity and

sense of self, is

grotesquely

distorted because

of sin.

Francis

Schaeffer

captures it

beautifully by

saying that sin

or rebellion has

left people as

majestic ruins.

We are still

image bearers, but

so distorted that

the best we can

say about

ourselves is that

we're majestic

ruins.

Our identity and

sense of self is

just totally

distorted.

And so the

reality described

in Genesis 3 is

the opposite.

of what we see

in Genesis 1 and

2.

Instead of

engagement, there's

now detachment

from God.

A rebellious

humanity has

been excluded

from participating

in God's

community, no

longer able to

relate as God

designed.

Now the reality

is rejection of

God, suspicion of

his goodness, and

open competition

for personal

sovereignty.

That is, people

in our world as

we experience it

now, cut loose

from life as

God defined it,

cut loose from

our identity as

God defined it,

determined to be

God ourselves,

determined to set

our own course,

to be our own

rulers.

Oh my goodness.

I even scared

myself.

Determined to create

our own version of

the good life.

love.

And that pathway is

driven by

individualism,

exploitation,

consumerism, and

by that I mean

where love has

been so distorted

that is now

expressed as

manipulation and

exploitation for my

own benefit.

I do something for

you because I

sense I will get

gain from it

personally.

And out of that

then, we become

so ruthless in this

pursuit of

validation of

our identity,

validation of

self, this

distortion, that

it makes us attack

and wound and

demolish others

so that we might

feel secure in

ourselves.

And sometimes

that is so

aggressive and

so determined

that our actions

seriously impact

the way other

people have a

sense of self.

we put stuff in

their head that

remains theirs,

baggage, and

which they

struggle with for

many years to

come, if not for

the whole lifetime.

And all so we

can feel good about

ourselves.

And it produces

restlessness and

loss of peace.

See, we're in

conflict now.

Restlessness is

that.

It's conflict.

conflict.

Because we

long for

something, we

still sense deep

down that there's

something we're

longing for, this

harmony, this

peace, this

satisfaction, this

sense of identity

and self that's

easy and fits.

But we can't

deliver it.

So we long to be

accepted by people

but we also fear

rejection by those

who we have

failed, by those

we've offended in

relationship.

And that fear, I

think, is ultimately,

as Larry Crabb would

say, fear of

rejection by God.

It's buried deep

within us.

We can't necessarily

get it all untangled

and explained but it's

there.

It drives us.

You know that fear

is a big part of all

your relationships.

And we live with

shame.

Knowing that we are

exploiting and

consuming those we

profess to love, yet

we cannot help

ourselves.

We cannot stop

ourselves.

We're secretly full

of shame in their

presence and

ultimately, again,

full of shame when we

think of ourselves in

the presence of God.

fear.

So fear and shame

are such big parts

of our relationships

that often we don't

understand why

there's such fundamental

parts of it.

And all of this

distorted identity

and sense of self

renders us unable

to worship in truth

or in spirit.

And so, my friends,

our worship

therefore becomes

false.

It's distorted.

Instead of being a

whole of life response

which is based on

truth, based on how

we're designed to be,

we actually reduce it

and we make our

worship a selected

response to God on

our own terms.

So we take our

relationships out and

we don't think that the

way we conduct

ourselves in marriage or

as children.

We don't think or

say that as part of

our worship.

We don't think our

sexual activity is part

of our worship.

We reduce it down to

something that we feel

comfortable with.

It's a distortion.

We make a part

into the whole

and we don't have the

heart that engages

with God.

And so we find it

easier to worship

self

rather than to have

ourselves worship

God.

We find it easier

to worship work

than to worship

God through our

work.

We find it easier

to worship marriage

than to worship

God in our

marriages.

We find it easier

to worship

family than to

worship God in and

through our family

relationships.

We make part of

the life into the

whole and then

think that when we

present that to God

as a religious

action, we have

done something

worthwhile and

pleasing to him.

So often our

worship has even

reduced to singing.

That's often how we

think of worship

primarily today,

isn't it?

But deep down we

know that cannot

work.

So we're left in

restlessness.

We're left with a

lack of satisfaction.

We're left with

confusion in our

identity.

And that gets

expressed at all

sorts of level.

We're left without

meaning and purpose

in life.

And so we struggle

all the harder to

find meaning and

purpose in those

things that we

think should give us

meaning and purpose

such as family,

such as our

relationships.

Blaise Pascal,

the philosopher,

once said that the

doctrine of original

sin, which is what

we're talking about in

Genesis 3, the

doctrine of the fall

seems an offense to

reason when you

first come across

it.

It seems ridiculous

to think that people

have been changed

like this.

But he goes on to

say, once accepted,

it makes the total

sense of the human

condition.

See, we may not

accept the

argumentation behind

it, but we would

all have to agree

that we make a mess

of relationships.

Our expectations

for our relationships

are rarely delivered.

But the pursuit of

our expectations

causes enormous

trouble and

destruction.

So we recognize

that, and I'm

telling you this

morning, what's

behind all that,

whether you believe

it or not.

The reality of sins,

as Schaeffer says,

means that we're

majestic ruins.

we need to be

restored to the

original design,

reformatted to

God's original

design so that

once again we're

a reflection of

God's character

and a model of

this to the

world.

My friends,

that's why this

story has got a

really happy,

positive outcome.

This is the

beauty of the

gospel.

gospel.

The gospel,

in and through

the gospel,

my image-bearing

capacity is

restored through

Christ so that

once again I'm

now able to

live in my

relationships as

God designed it

to be.

The gospel

restores my

image-bearing

capacity by

restoring identity

and a proper

sense of self.

Remember how

Adam was defined

in relation to

God?

Now, in the

gospel, I am

defined, you're

defined in

relation to

Christ.

Christ.

Turn with me

now to

Ephesians.

I'm just going

to touch down

on a few

verses here.

You can read

through Ephesians

4.

In fact, the

whole of

Ephesians is

just full of

the language of

restoration.

And you'll see

that the ideas

that match up

with what's lost

in Genesis 3

and pushes back

to what was so

beautiful, but

Genesis 1 and

2.

So in Ephesians

Ephesians 1:3

chapter 1,

verse 3,

we'll start there,

so we're

told again

here of

engagement with

God.

That's part of

the restoration.

So there was

engagement,

detachment,

now in Christ,

engagement again

through Jesus.

Look at

chapter 1,

verse 3.

Blessed be the

God and Father

of our Lord

Jesus Christ,

who has blessed

us in Christ

with every

spiritual blessing

in the heavenly

places.

And that keeps

going there

through the

verses.

It talks about

Father, Son, and

Spirit.

being involved

in our

restoration so

that once

again we're

engaged in the

eternal community.

We now enjoy

every spiritual

blessing God

intended for us

when he first

created us.

Father, Son, and

Spirit have

combined to

completely restore

relationship with

him.

We see that

coming through

again in

chapter 2.

The relationship

was characterized

by unity and

peace.

Chapter 2,

verses 11

through to 23.

I don't have

time to stop

and you can

read it for

yourself.

Jesus bears

our guilt

so that we

no longer need

to fear God.

Jesus turns

our shame

into honor

as we are

adopted into

God's family

as dearly

beloved children.

we no longer

need to fear

God's presence.

And turn with

me to chapter

4, verses 1

to 6, what

Joe read a

little bit

earlier.

Vertical

restoration, that

restoration of

relationship with

God vertically

also means a

restoration of

relationship

horizontally.

Restoration to

peace and unity

with every other

believer in the

same way as we

now have peace

and unity with

Christ.

And we see

there that our

challenge is not

to create this

unity that has

been created in

Christ.

Our challenge is

simply to express

that unity.

Because that's

our identity.

That's who we

are now in the

Lord Jesus.

And that unity

ought to be

modeled in all

our relationships.

in our actions,

in our attitudes,

in our desires.

So that our

desires and

actions and

attitudes, as it

says there, are

worthy.

That is, that they

truly reflect, that

we're authentic.

Reflect who we are

in Christ.

In verse 15,

once again,

relationships can be

driven by truth

and love

and true

complementarity.

Verses 23 and

24 that was read

to us,

to renew in the

spirit of your

minds and to put

on the new self

created after the

likeness of God in

true righteousness

and holiness.

we express again

truth and love

and true

complementarity as

we help one

another get rid

of all the

signs of the

life alienated

and detached

from God and

build in all the

signs of the

righteous life,

the life that's

re-engaged with

God, that's

restored with

God, that's

changed from

the inside out.

Because that

showcases our

new identity.

It showcases

and expresses

our new sense

of self,

our true sense

of self as

we were created

to show it.

So there's

nothing wrong

with being

selfish,

providing we

understand that

selfish for us

as Christians

is a reflection,

an authentic

reflection of

who we are

in Jesus.

And as we

struggle to

demonstrate our

new authentic

self in Christ,

then we are

worshipping.

Chapter 5,

verse 1 says,

be imitators of

God as beloved

children.

I take it that's

another type of

picture language

for worship.

that is,

respond to God

as God

is appropriate

to his character

and his being.

Chapter 5,

verses 8 to 15,

we'll probably see

those more over the

next few weeks,

talks about walking

as the children

of the light.

Look at verse

18,

verse 8,

sorry,

of chapter 5.

For at one

time you were

darkness,

but thou

you're light

in the Lord.

You get this

contrast between

what we were

in sin

and what we

now are

in Christ.

Walk,

therefore,

as children

of light

and try to

discern,

verse 10,

what is pleasing

to the Lord.

Take no part

in unfruitful

works of

darkness,

but instead

expose them.

verse 17,

do not be foolish,

but understand

what the word

of the Lord

is.

Do not get

drunk with wine

for that is

debauchery,

but be filled

with the Spirit

addressing one

another in

psalms and hymns

and spiritual

songs,

singing and

making melody

to the Lord

with all your

heart.

Be your

authentic self

and that will

be true worship.

Worship in

spirit,

engaging with

the heart

and in truth.

A true

reflection of

who we are

in relation

to God.

A true

reflection of

God's value

and worth.

A true

identity.

And as we

do all that,

we have

evidence of

the Spirit

re-tuning

our hearts

to express

our growing

joy and

delight with

God.

And the

inevitable

outcome of

that will

be that

our

distorted

sense of

self

will give

way

to a

renewed

sense of

self

in Christ.

And that

will

transform our

relationships.

And only

that will

transform our

relationships.

relationships.

So,

we need to

be gospel

shaped in

our

thinking about

family

relationships.

But that

might not be

as obvious

as you

think.

See,

without the

steering wheel

of God's

word,

we actually

won't know

how to do

relationships as

God designed

them.

We won't

know how to

operate families

as God

designed them,

intended them.

We won't even

know what a

family is,

let alone how

to make it

God honoring.

We need the

steering wheel of

God's word.

Because if we set

our course by

society,

then we can

actually all just

go home,

because society

says there's

no problem.

Our society

has totally

embraced this

distorted identity

and self.

And society

says,

well,

actually,

there's no real

need for change.

If you get an

issue with me,

then your

challenge is to

accept me as

I am.

That's what

society says.

People just

have to accept

me and my

relationship

for what they

are.

And as

Christians,

we take that

on too easily.

We have come

to live with

dysfunction and

pain in our

relationships.

And we simply

conclude,

that's how

it's meant to

be.

That's as good

as it can

be.

That's as good

as it can be.

But we

sort of

sidestep a

little bit

because we

then compare

our family

context to

others out

there in the

wider world.

And we do

it in such

a way that

we can

usually conclude

that we're

doing very

well as

families relative

to other

people.

But so

often we

don't look

vertically to

see how

our family

measures up,

how our

family relationships

measure up in

terms of God's

intention for

us.

So we

live with

this sense

of well-being,

this acceptance

of where we're

at in our

relationships,

but it's

far from

worship.

We need to

see that

family and

relationships are

part of our

worship.

And you can

see through

Ephesians 4 and

5, we'll come

back to some

of these

details, but

that needs

to, we need

to be our

authentic selves

in terms of

how we love

one another.

We need to

reflect who

we are in

Christ in

terms of

how we

repent when

we mess up

in our

relationships,

and we

will.

We need to

take ownership,

proper ownership.

It will

reflect how we

offer forgiveness

and handle

forgiveness in

our relationships.

Not a

fluffy, easy

thing that

just says,

well, okay,

all right, let's

just pretend it

hasn't happened,

nothing's really

been fixed, but

let's just pretend

everything's good.

That's not

reflection of

Christ.

And yet, that's

so often what

we mistake and

put forward as

forgiveness.

We need to be

gospel-shaped.

And then the

other extreme,

sometimes as

Christians, we

have too high a

view of family

and relationships.

I said early

on in the

introduction,

sometimes we

as Christians

make family an

idol and

marriage an

idol.

We make it our

goal in life to

be married, to

have children.

rather than

understand that

the primary

one-flesh

relationship we

have now is

with Christ.

It's Christ

who defines us

and gives us

our identity,

not whether

we're married

and whether

we have

children.

And I

think that's

why, I

think that

partly explains

why divorce

rates among

Christians are

just as high as

they are in

the non-Christian

world.

We're so

committed to

finding identity

in marriage and

family relationships

in our children

that if we

fail in one

then we

break one

marriage, we

break one

family and

we start

again because

that's what

we're chasing.

Friends, we

need to learn

that it's not

going to ever

be a biological

relationship that

will satisfy us

ultimately, but

Christ.

So let's pray

over the next

six weeks.

Let's pray for

new exposure,

new challenge

from God's

word so we

might identify

areas where

we have lost

gospel shape

or perhaps

we're never

gospel shaped

in the first

place.

And let's

commit to

struggle for

real change

so we might

be authentic

in our identity

and sense of

self as we

relate to one

another.

Let me pray.

Help us,

Lord, to hear

your word.

It will be

difficult,

difficult to

present and

difficult to

hear because

Lord, hearing

means the

risk of

exposure and

exposure pushes

us to the

challenge of

change.

Lord, keep

us, I

pray, above

all else from

simply pretending

that things are

well rather

than struggling

for real

change.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.