Talking to yourself

Morning everyone. So today's reading is from Proverbs chapter 7.

Proverbs 7 · chapter mention

My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you.

Keep my commandments and live.

Keep my teaching as the apple of your eye.

Find them on your fingers.

Write them on the tablet of your heart.

Say to wisdom, you are my sister.

And call inside your intimate friend.

To keep you from the forbidden woman.

From the adulteress with her smooth words.

For at the window of my house I have looked out through the lattice.

And I have seen among the simple.

I have perceived among the youths.

A young man lacking sense.

Passing along the street near her corner.

Taking the road to her house in the twilight.

In the evening at the time of night and darkness.

And behold, the woman meets him dressed as a prostitute.

Wily of heart.

She is loud and wayward.

Her feet do not stay at home.

Now in the street.

Now in the market.

And at every corner she lies in wait.

She seizes him and kisses him.

And with bold face she says to him.

I had to offer sacrifices.

And today I have paid my vows.

So now I have come out to meet you.

To seek you eagerly.

And I have found you.

I have spread my couch with coverings.

Coloured linens from Egyptian linen.

I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

Come, let us take our fill of love till morning.

Let us delight ourselves with love.

For my husband is not at home.

He has gone on a long journey.

He took a bag of money with him.

At full moon he will come home.

With much seductive speech she persuades him.

With her smooth talk she compels him.

All at once he follows her.

As an ox goes to the slaughter.

Or as a stag is caught fast.

Till an arrow pieces its liver.

As a bird rushes into a snare.

He does not know that it will cost him his life.

And now, O sons, listen to me.

And be attentive to the words of my mouth.

Let not your heart turn aside to her ways.

Do not stray into her paths.

For many a victim has she laid low.

And all her slain are a mighty throng.

Her house is the way to Sheol.

Going down to the chambers of death.

Well, good morning everyone.

I'm really thankful to Simon for his introduction earlier on.

I guess it's actually true that I do spend a lot of time

talking to myself with nobody listening.

But I should point out, as you evaluate what Simon said about me,

that his response to one of those safety slides

where the guy was hanging out of the building cleaning the window

on the 32nd floor was that the only issue Simon could see

was the guy didn't have a shirt on, so he was going to get sunburned.

So, factor that in as you evaluate Simon's comment about me.

Question to get us going this morning

as we want to jump into this familiar and perhaps foreboding chapter.

Why do people find themselves doing that which they know is not good for them?

We would typically say, well, it's a bad habit.

And that's true.

But then the question becomes, why are habits so compulsive?

Especially when they're destructive.

To help us understand this, I want to introduce a personal thing.

I want to introduce you to my habit of comfort eating

or what I would like to see as the idol of comfort eating.

Now, we might think idols are images of a god

that some remote tribe might worship.

And that's true.

But idols are actually much more immediate and much more personal.

All of us, I believe, have idols.

We worship many idols.

Some of them we know about.

Some of them we haven't even discovered yet.

So, the question is then, personally, why do I overeat?

Well, again, I might just say, well, it's a habit.

It's a habit I've developed because it's been part of the culture of my family

or because I like food.

And I do.

But why do I continue to overeat when I see myself getting fat?

When I know it's bad for my health long term?

And when Alison constantly says, stop eating.

You don't need to eat.

Now, I've tried to tell myself, just say to myself, stop eating.

You don't need to eat.

But strangely, when I do that, it actually increases the craving for food.

It increases the craving to the point where I actually dominate.

I can't think of anything else except food.

It's really weird.

I can sit there watching TV thinking about what I could be getting to snack out of the cupboard.

That's how compulsive it is.

That's how dominating it is.

A couple of years ago, just in a random conversation, Rob Patterson made a comment to me

that totally opened up a new perspective on eating for me

and has helped me actually start breaking the habit of comfort eating.

He suggested to me that eating can be an idol.

That is, eating is something that can be done to achieve a goal buried deep in my thinking.

So the eating isn't for the eating's sake.

It's for what the eating promises to deliver to me.

So from that point, I was forced to admit I was a comfort eater.

My mom has been a comfort eater over her years,

and I always wanted to say I wasn't like my mom at that point.

But I was forced to say I was a comfort eater.

That is, eating for me is a coping strategy.

It's a go-to behavior because I think it will deliver a goal or an outcome

that I believe I need or want or desire.

And that associated with eating is a sense of feeling as if I've got a space to unwind,

to feel relaxed, to feel sort of comfortable and safe,

to feel satisfied in the midst of a day when there might have been turmoil all around me.

I withdraw and I eat.

And so it's no surprise then, I can also detect in my life,

that the greater the stress in my life or work or relationships,

the more likely I am to overeat.

And so I want to say it in these terms,

that the idol of overeating demands ever-increasing sacrifices from me.

That is, I find over the years that I've had to eat more and more to get the same outcome,

to get the same results, to get the same level of satisfaction.

And so it becomes a habit.

But it's more than a habit.

It's an idol.

It's something I worship.

It controls me.

And it controlled me regardless.

I sacrificed that idol,

regardless of the cost to my overall health and a growing belly.

And so as a Christian then,

I realized that I was trying to find in food

something that I could only properly find in God.

And so my idol ended up being a cheap substitute

for real satisfaction.

And that was obvious.

It didn't give me lasting satisfaction.

Now, this process of thinking,

these idols exist in so many areas of life.

And if you're not an overeater like me,

perhaps you're a binge alcohol drinker.

Perhaps you're a binge Netflix user.

Perhaps you binge social media.

Perhaps you binge electronic gaming.

Or perhaps you binge at the shops and shopping.

Perhaps for you it's work.

Or being outstanding in your career.

Maybe that's your idol.

Maybe that's the thing that you sacrifice everything for.

Because you hope it will deliver the outcome of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Perhaps your idol is simply being happy.

Being married.

Being beautiful.

Being beautiful.

Being needed.

Being liked.

All of these things can get a hold of us

and cause us to sacrifice again and again

at ever more increasing cost.

Simply to get that which that thing promises delivered to us.

And we push aside or sacrifice whatever we need to sacrifice.

And that might be people.

At one point.

It might be relationships.

At another point.

It might be money.

It might be time.

It might be our health.

All of which will be sacrificed as we chase the goal

which the habit or action promises to deliver to us.

Now, coming closer to the passage.

I want to suggest this morning

that sex easily becomes an idol.

We ask the question,

why do people keep doing wrong things?

Keep showing unfaithfulness in this realm of how we use our sexuality

when we know so jolly well

that the results are destructive?

Very destructive.

I suggest it's much more than just saying to ourselves,

well, don't do that.

Do this.

We've got to see sex and sexuality from a new perspective.

I suggest this morning we've got to see it

as the potential of being an idol

which we're serving.

Because it promises something

that we think we need.

Now, sex, of course, is a good thing.

Make that, hear that very clearly.

Sex is God's idea.

It's built into the very fabric of every single one of us

in all its pleasure.

But it easily becomes an idol.

Something we crave

because we believe it delivers something

we think we need or want or desire.

That is, in the case of sex,

it promises to deliver intimacy.

And intimacy is something we all desperately want.

And intimacy is a feeling of being loved.

A feeling of being valued.

A feeling of fulfillment.

A feeling of being loved.

A feeling of being loved.

A feeling of being loved.

A feeling of being loved.

A feeling of being loved.

A feeling of being loved.

A feeling of being loved.

All of those things are built into the idea of intimacy.

And as people, as individuals,

we desperately crave that.

And so if we're not careful,

then sex can become that idol

and the desire for sex

can start to dominate us

like an addiction.

And that addiction can happen

whether you're married

or in a de facto relationship

or whether you're in a serial monogamy situation

where you say faithfulness is really important

but you don't mind changing partners every 18 months.

or the classic affair

having sex with someone you're not married to

or just one night stand

or pornography

whether it's male pornography visual

or female pornography emotionally driven.

In any of these situations,

sex can become an idol.

That is something that takes a hold of you

and starts to dominate your whole pattern of thinking.

It's a demanding idol.

Pushing a person to sacrifice

whatever is required

to achieve the outcome

it promises

and the person desires.

even though all the evidence says

that it actually delivers destruction and hurt.

Not true intimacy.

Not a lasting reality

of being loved and valued

and happy.

Now, with that perspective

on craving intimacy

and the alternatives

of true and false intimacy

which Martin opened up last week

from chapter 6

and those

that true and false intimacy

correspond with wisdom and foolishness

and with the importance of talking to myself

about the temptation

to settle for false intimacy

let's, with all that in mind

let's jump into chapter 7

with what I hope is a new perspective

this morning

focused on what I'm now wanting to call

the idol of sex.

Now, another question

to step up your thinking.

Why do people opt for sexual unfaithfulness

and betrayal

even when they know

from the experience all around them

that it's so destructive

self-destructive

and destructive to everyone

who's betrayed?

Make the question personal.

Proverbs warned repeatedly

about the awfulness

of unfaithfulness

and betrayal.

But I wonder how you've been

engaging with that

over past weeks

as we work through this series.

Is it something that you think

well that's a problem

for somebody else

and you might actually

have names in your mind

but it's not an issue for me.

It's not something

you're going to get caught

or I'm going to get caught in.

Is it a temptation

that you think

you're immune to?

Or even worse perhaps

is it a temptation

that you recognize

but you think

you're strong enough

to resist

without too much fuss?

C.S. Lewis

I come across

an interesting quote

from C.S. Lewis

and it says this

we often say

that a man

and you could read

a woman in there as well

because it works in reverse

we often say

that a man

driven by lust

wants a woman

but strictly speaking

he does not

want a woman.

What he wants

is a pleasure

to achieve

his inner goal

of being loved

or happy

for which

a beautiful woman

is simply

a necessary piece

of apparatus.

In some ways

it's a confronting statement

isn't it?

And it's profound.

So I'll read it again.

We often say

that a man

driven by lust

wants a woman

but strictly speaking

he does not want a woman

he wants a pleasure

to achieve

his inner goal

of being loved

or happy

for which

a beautiful woman

is simply

a necessary

piece of apparatus.

He would lose

his sin

he's saying

the idol

of sex

has got a hold

of this person

and it's the pleasure

that they're craving

and seeking

in a sense

the woman's irrelevant

or at best

just a tool.

Now of course

as I said before

the reverse

may be said

for a woman.

Lust for both

men and women

is the expression

of a heart idol

a genuine craving

for true intimacy

of being loved

and accepted

and valued

while settling

for a false

or substitute

intimacy

through sex.

and again

it has to be

a false intimacy

because true

and lasting

intimacy

can only be

found in God.

So

when we come

into this picture

here

and we're about

to look into

the details of it

so in practice

adultery

that's talked

about here

and right

through it

Proverbs

adultery

is both

a picture

of unfaithfulness

and betrayal

in practical

relationships

marriage relationship

that's spoken

about here

it's immediate

and earthy

and real

and human

it's both

that

and

simultaneously

a picture

of unfaithfulness

and betrayal

in our relationship

with God

that the two

are essentially

and fundamentally

the same

because each

situation

of unfaithfulness

is chasing

what something

else other

than God

offers us

chasing

chasing

after love

and acceptance

and validation

in things

or relationships

other than

that which we

have with God

this passage

is incredibly

confronting

in its description

of what I'm

calling the

slippery slope

the slippery

slide

of seduction

in verses

6 through

to 23

and here's

the point

you see

adultery

doesn't happen

randomly

in a vacuum

there is

always a

process

of small

steps

that are

taken

sometimes

the process

as a whole

unit

happens

fairly quickly

sometimes

and most

often

I would

venture

to suggest

most often

that process

happens rather

slowly

over a long

period of time

but it is

a process

and the

scenario here

is that

of a young

bloke

he's

depicted here

the term

as being

simple

and that

in Proverbs

is a sort

of poetic

descriptive

term

it doesn't

mean he's

lacking intellect

far from it

it means

he's naive

he's

inexperienced

in life

and yet

at the same

time

willful

unwilling

to accept

instruction

in life

and he

drifts

into temptation

here

led by

his thinking

and feelings

convinced

that he

is in

control

of events

when all

the time

this woman

has him

in her

hands

and

moulding

him

like

putty

and the

process

is this

working

through the

verses

fairly

quickly

here

the first

thing

is

verses

8 and

9

imagining

imagining

what is

on offer

is what

he's doing

and so

he

that imagination

takes him

to hang

out

near where

she lives

and he

takes

him there

after dark

his

imagining

is already

driving

his

actions

to move

towards

this

woman

he's

already

moving

towards

her

physically

and

verse

10

it says

behold

in other

words

it means

surprise

surprise

he moves

here

and he

hangs out

near her

house

and guess

what

oh he

bumps

into her

just

randomly

and

they're

off

and

running

and

when

they

do

meet

she's

dressed

really

provocatively

and her

body

language

is saying

hey

I'm

available

with

an

overpowering

sexuality

and

at

the

very

first

stage

whatever

he

might

think

she

has

taken

control

compartmentalizing

verse 13

is the

next

stage

and by

the way

this isn't

absolute

I'm

just

trying to

put words

in here

to help

us see

how this

process

works

compartmentalizing

verse 13

they embrace

and kiss

the first

movement

of a

monorail

that will

end

in

sexual

intercourse

and

in

the

same

moment

in

verse

14

she

presents

herself

as

being

a

godly

person

and

a

genuine

worshipper

of

God

so

picture

the

moment

she

embraces

this

guy

and

kisses

him

and

he

embraces

her

and

kisses

her

so

it's

a

mutual

thing

and

then

what's

the

conversation

well

actually

you should

know

I've

just

been

to

the

temple

I've

just

actually

done

my

duty

as a

worshipper

of

God

I've

offered

my

sacrifices

compartmentalizing

is

living

with a

massive

disconnect

in life

between

our

what we

would call

our

ordinary

life

or my

life

and my

spiritual

life

thinking

that

one

offsets

the other

because

I

go to

church

because

I

say

my

prayers

because

I

read

my

Bible

because

I

do

all

these

things

well

I'm

obviously

an

obedient

servant

of the

Lord

and so

over

here

I

can

find

space

to do

and find

my

satisfaction

in a

different

way

now

that's

a

really

really

shocking

reveal

but

it's a

very

common

position

for

people

to

find

themselves

in

because

it

allows

them

next

thing

to

rationalize

or

normalize

their

intentions

and so

they can

say

in the

same

breath

with

no

apparent

conflict

in their

minds

that

okay

I'm a

serious

minded

obedient

servant

of God

now

let's

plan

to have

illicit

sex

together

and then

there's

personalizing

verse

15

and you

can just

hear these

words

so now

I have

come out

to meet

you

to seek

you

eagerly

and I

have

found

you

you are

the person

I've been

looking for

all my

life

only you

can meet

my needs

and give

me the

satisfaction

I've

craved

all my

life

and you

can feel

the bloke

going weak

at the

knees

and it

resonates

with both

their

idols

both of

them are

craving

intimacy

she wants

him

values him

delights in

him

and in

turn

he believes

that only

he can

make her

happy

and then

there's one

more which

I actually

missed out

I don't

know if

it's

Freudian

slip or

the Lord

trying to

tell me

something

but the

next one

I have

in my

notes

here

is

titillation

verses

16 to

18

if you

don't

understand

if you

don't

know

the

word

you'll

know

the

practice

and she

says

I spread

my

couch

with

coverings

and then

she

starts

to

describe

the

situation

come

let us

take

her

fill

of

love

till

morning

let us

delight

ourselves

titillation

is

in her

flirtation

and I

can tell

you now

that all

logic has

gone

from this

guy's

brain

because

in his

senses

he's already

there

he's already

in her

bed

he can

smell it

he can

see it

he can

feel it

because

she's

described

it for

him

and her

words

are

fanning

into

flame

his

sexual

urges

the

train

is

running

at

100

miles

an

hour

and

there's

no

stopping

it

now

and

then

finally

minimizing

verses

16

16

17

and

18

well

actually

we can

do

this

I'm

on top

of this

and nobody

will know

we won't

get caught

all the

details have

been covered

but verses

22 and 23

in reality

there's always

a huge

cost

but by

this stage

this guy

is so

driven

by his

senses

that he

just walks

into our

bed

falls

into our

bed

like a

dumb

animal

it's a

shocking

reveal

isn't it

and it's a

wonderful

portrayal

of how

an idol

takes hold

of us

and causes

us to

sacrifice

whatever we

need to

sacrifice

to get

what it

promises

us

so what's

the secret

of staying

on the

track

of wisdom

and true

intimacy

well again

I've just

got three or

four headings

here trying

to gather

together the

text

and remember

the text

is poetry

it's picture

language

so none

of this

is meant

to be

taken

in absolute

sense

including

the word

death

it's not

as if

the bible

is saying

anybody

who commits

adultery

automatically

is guaranteed

to death

and go to

hell

it's a

picture

of how

serious

it is

in God's

economy

and persisted

in it

will lead

to death

actual death

and destruction

and hell

but it's a

picture of

see the

seriousness

of it

see that

you're standing

on the abyss

and move

away from

it

so what's

the secret

of staying

on the track

of wisdom

and true

intimacy

well the

first one

I'm suggesting

here is

talk to

yourself

talk to

yourself

about what

is really

important

and true

now it's

commonly said

that talking

to yourself

is the first

sign of

madness

that's

ridiculous

firstly

because we're

always talking

to ourselves

it's just

that sometimes

when we talk

to ourselves

we just

fill our

mind

that we

talk to

ourselves

rubbish

but we're

always talking

to ourselves

in Proverbs

talking to

yourself

is the

first sign

of wisdom

when you're

talking to

yourself

about God's

commands

the key

is to speak

wisdom

to ourselves

or as

Martin Lloyd

John

says it

the key

is to

preach

God's

word

to

ourselves

to our

own

hearts

verses 4

and 5

say to

wisdom

you are

my sister

and call

insight

your intimate

friend

and then

verse 5

that will

keep you

from the

forbidden

woman

from the

adulteress

with their

smooth

idols

fruits

or smooth

words

what will

keep you

from idols

of any

sort

valuing

and that's

the picture

of verse 4

valuing God's

wisdom

like you

would a

loving

sister

who's not

afraid

to look you

in the eye

and call you

out and say

you've been

an absolute

idiot

I've

thankfully

only got

one sister

for that

reason

three brothers

but only one

sister

and one

I think

is enough

for any

family

but I

can have

that discussion

with you

later

so

yeah

or at least

one of my

sisters

anyway

I'll just

stop

now

okay

value

wisdom

like a

loving

sister

value

wisdom

like a

close

friend

and again

a close

friend

is a

picture

of somebody

who will

actually speak

the truth

in love

to you

who will

call you

out

when you're

being an

idiot

who will

say look

you're not

thinking straight

you need to

say it like

this

second strategy

put a fire

awareness plan

in place

now

we're very

much in

tune with

fire awareness

plans

we all

the bushfires

last year

and the

devastation

of it

last week

in chapter

6

verse 27

Martin

talked about

the verse

can a man

carry fire

next to his

chest

and his

clothes

not be

burned

playing with

false intimacy

is like

playing with

fire

it's like

lighting a

fire in a

dry bushland

setting on a

hot windy

day

it's just

not going to

end well

it will get

out of control

and it will

consume you

and so

verses 1

and 2

and 4

the time

to prepare

for a

wildfire

is now

ahead of

time

when you're

calm

when you're

in control

of your

senses

when your

passions

are under

control

when you're

saying things

straight

when you can

actually read

God's word

and see the

implications

and feel the

import of it

that's the

time to put

your fire

plan in

place

not when

the fire

is licking

at your

door

not when

in this

situation

when you're

actually in

the embrace

of this

woman and

kissing her

passionately

that ain't no

time to try

and formulate

a plan

well what

should I

do now

hmm

keep your

inner landscape

fixed and

healthy

verse 25

again this

repeated thing

through Proverbs

let not

your heart

and that

includes your

attitudes

your thinking

and all those

sort of things

let not

your heart

turn aside

to her

way

do not

stray

do not

just

endlessly

wander

into her

path

because

you've not

maintained a

healthy inner

landscape

you've not

guarded your

attitudes and

your thinking

make the

Lord

cultivate a

healthy

heart

make the

Lord

the object

of your

desire

and source

of delight

don't

overestimate

your ability

to resist

temptation

don't

underestimate

the power

of sex

and seduction

you can't

play with it

without getting

burnt

don't

allow yourself

to wander

aimlessly

in life

but lastly

and this is a

bit of a

negative one

this is one

from Eeyore

if nothing

else works

use fear

as a

motivation

fear of

the carnage

verses 26

and 27

if nothing

else works

just try and

fill your mind

with a fear

of the carnage

that unfaithfulness

brings

it's not

the best

motivation

but it's

far better

than none

because fear

makes even

the most

self-reliant

self-confident

and that's

what this

young man

is here

as he's

depicted here

that's what

the foolish

man is

he's

self-reliant

he's

self-confident

he thinks

I'm in

control

I can

do this

I can

go to

this

point

and stop

safely

and enjoy

it up

to this

point

but not

get myself

into

danger

fear

makes

even the

most

self-confident

willful

people

more

cautious

and therefore

hopefully

more thoughtful

in their

life actions

life decisions

so friends

as always

and as always

as is always

the conclusion

in proverbs

experiencing

the slippery

slope of

foolishness

and destruction

or

staying on

the track

of true

intimacy

comes down

to a very

simple

factor

a very

simple

choice

and that

is

who

is your

standard

of beauty

of desirability

of delight

of love

of satisfaction

proverbs

and the

scripture

generally

tell us

that wisdom

equals

getting

Jesus

because

Jesus

is the

wisdom

and righteousness

of God

1 Corinthians

getting

Jesus

is to

get

true

intimacy

full

acceptance

with God

steadfast

love

eternal

love

total

validation

and that

all results

in expressing

wisdom

in our

life decisions

expressing

the mind

of Christ

in all

points

in all

facets

in all

categories

of life

including

our

sexuality

now at

first glance

wisdom

may not

look as

appealing

as the

picture

portrayed

in this

chapter

of a

woman who's

dressed to

kill

as we say

dressed

provocatively

and just

oozing

sex

and sexuality

that

seems to

grab our

attention

that looks

so appealing

but man

it's

poison

wisdom

may not

at first glance

look that

appealing

but it

delivers

it delivers

true intimacy

it delivers

the acceptance

value

and love

we crave

unfaithfulness

on the other

hand

or foolishness

is chasing

our own

form of

wisdom

and it's

settling

for the

false

intimacy

of idols

they promise

delight

but ultimately

deliver destruction

it may seem

more attractive

but it

embodies

everything

that is

against

how God's

people are

defined

and from

here I think

I'll finish

with this

from here I

think

we can see

our best

defense

against

temptation

to unfaithfulness

you see

when we think

of the Lord

Jesus

it was

our

unfaithfulness

at every

point in

life

which

forced the

father to

put him

on the

cross

and kill

him

it doesn't

get any

more

the carnage

doesn't get

any bigger

than that

does it

he

experienced

the

ultimate

carnage

of

unfaithfulness

he lost

everything

because of

our

unfaithfulness

he

suffered

everything

because of

our

unfaithfulness

he

he bore

the

brunt

of the

anger

of God

who is

our

aggrieved

lover

because we

betrayed him

in unfaithfulness

repeatedly

he bore

the shame

and the

judgment

of all

our

unfaithfulness

smeared

onto him

and quite

literally

he went

down to

the pit

of hell

because of

our

unfaithfulness

why

to free

us from

our sin

to set

us free

from a

lifetime

of

unfaithfulness

to set

us free

to

righteousness

so

the best

temptation

the best

motivation

to avoid

temptation

to unfaithfulness

I keep

saying to

myself

now

as of

a

temptation

to

eat

again

look

to

Jesus

for that

which

you're

craving

at the

moment

don't

think

food's

going to

give it

to you

and

remember

the

cost

the

carnage

that

Jesus

has

endured

because

of

your

previous

unfaithfulness

and

Calderwood

don't

trample

on his

costly

love

Lord

help me

never

to give

in to

the

temptation

to

unfaithfulness

let me

pray

Lord

unfaithfulness

just defines