Proverbs: Correction

Sorry.

If you want one of these, there's a water fountain in the back.

If you're dying of heat, please know that I won't be offended if you get up to get a

drink of water so that you can stay awake and alert.

And if you really need help, downstairs is still a little cooler.

So if you need to escape to that, again, please know that we do what you need to do this morning

to be able to engage as we look at God's Word together.

Will you pray with me?

Lord, this morning we come to you needy.

Lord, we need you to speak to us.

Lord, we need you to help us because our minds are unclear.

Our wills are stubborn and rebellious.

Our hearts run after many other things instead of you.

And Lord, I pray this morning as we look at your Word, Lord, that you will help us this morning.

Help us to hear what you have to say to us.

Lord, I ask for your help that you may speak through me.

Lord, I pray that together, Lord, we would learn from you this morning more of the way of wisdom

that you have set forth for us and of the great love you've shown us in the gospel.

We pray this in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Well, his words hit me like a slap in the face.

No, he won't, Matt.

I was a 21-year-old senior in college standing outside of Brown Hall, my dormitory.

I was in a serious dating relationship and had been processing with my discipler and mentor

about this relationship.

He was counseling me to not be foolish because I was being nitpicky and critical of a godly

woman who I was dating, someone who was worthy of better than me.

And I had just told him, well, I guess God will make it clear to me as I was weighing

my confusion of, do I keep doing this or not as we often do when we're young?

I guess God will just show me the way.

And he looked at me and he said, no.

No, he won't, Matt.

His words were a loving rebuke to me to not pass the buck of my responsibility to make

a mature decision in this situation to God.

They were wise words.

They were lovingly given.

And they stung.

And I wish I could tell you I listened.

But in the process, it felt like a slap in the face.

And that's what it feels like when someone challenges us, doesn't it?

Whether we call it correction, rebuke, reproof, or even just instruction, all those words are

words that the book of Proverbs uses, they still sting at the time.

But as some of my seminary friends would remind me, reality is your friend even when it hurts.

And it's better to know the truth about yourself particularly than it is to live in ignorance

and delusion.

We come this morning to the next sermon in our Proverbs series.

On the way of wisdom, on how is it that God has designed the world for us to walk rightly

before him.

What are the dynamics of his wisdom that shape our lives?

And we're into the topical part of our series.

Nick explained it last week.

I won't rehash it, but go back and listen to his sermon about why as we're looking at Proverbs

10 through 31, we're doing it topically.

And this morning, the topic is correction.

And again, that's the word I'll use, although there are many different words that the book

of Proverbs uses for it.

Even discipline, we heard it in the passage from Hebrews earlier this morning.

And what is this?

What is this correction, right?

Particularly in this context, it's a subset of words in the book of Proverbs.

It's how we use words to come to someone else.

Words help us.

Correction is words that help us by correcting our understanding, our assumptions, and our

perspectives, often about ourselves and how we live and relate to others.

In correction, truth is brought to bear to change us by helping us see things as they

really are.

So they're words that will challenge us in all sorts of areas of our lives.

How do we use our words?

How do we live out our relationships?

How do we steward our money, our wealth, our sex, our power, our entertainment?

Correction comes in every sphere of life with words to help us see what is really true and

right.

And so we hear from the book of Proverbs.

And because we're jumping around, I'll try to carefully enunciate what the references

are.

But if you're trying to take notes, I would recommend writing them down rather than trying

to flip through Proverbs to get them.

But you can also ask me afterwards.

I'll send you a list of the Proverbs that I'm using in the sermon if you need that.

Proverbs 13.1 says, a wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to

rebuke.

And Proverbs 12.1, which I think might be my favorite, whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,

but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Very blunt, isn't it?

Very straightforward.

This is what we're going to see.

That the book of Proverbs, in the book of Proverbs, God speaks to us words of wisdom saying that

correction is important in our lives.

As we explore it, we're going to answer two simple questions.

One, why do we need correction?

And two, what does godly correction look like?

So those are the two questions.

Hopefully you'll walk away with a little bit more understanding about those things.

So to begin with, let's answer the question from Proverbs.

Why do we need correction?

Well, I have three reasons for you.

The first reason is because we are by nature fools.

This is the word Proverbs uses for people who don't know God rightly and don't live

according to his ways in the world.

That is, because of our sinful nature, we have an unerring disposition to stray from God.

And in doing so, we are fools.

And so Proverbs 12, 15 says,

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.

How true is this?

One of the reasons we need correction is because we think we're right all the time.

Have you ever thought about that?

As you enter into a conversation, as you try to solve a problem,

when you're doing it, even if you're uncertain,

at the end of the day, you're going to think,

Well, this is the best I could do, but this is the right thing to do.

Or I think I'm right about this situation.

We rarely think, I don't know anything.

I can't do anything.

We are right in our own eyes far too often.

The pride that rose up in Adam as he stood in the garden

and saw the temptation to doubt God and to think that he could be the one

who would know right and wrong, good and evil,

is in all of our hearts.

We foolishly believe that we're doing everything right,

and we desperately justify ourselves and our actions over and over again.

In a two-year-old, it looks like this.

No, daddy, do it myself.

In a teenager, it's the eye roll.

There aren't even words to express it.

Yes, dad.

I can't even do it.

In an adult, it might look like whatever.

But so easily, we dismiss other people

because we are so convinced that we're right.

And yet, in recognizing that folly,

we recognize this is why we need correction.

The second thing is because without correction,

folly leads to destruction.

So, Proverbs 13, 18.

Poverty and disgrace come to him who ignore instruction,

but whoever heeds reproof is honored.

Poverty and disgrace,

the breakdown of our normal provision of our life

and of our relationships.

When we lack correction in our life,

when we want to go at our own and do it our own way,

the Bible tells us over and over again,

it does not lead to life, but to death.

And this is the foolishness of it.

Because we keep pursuing it,

thinking it's going to get us what we want.

And instead, what we reap is something much worse.

So, Proverbs 15, 10.

There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way.

Whoever hates reproof will die.

That's a strong word, isn't it?

But Proverbs says this over and over again.

The way of wisdom leads to life.

The way of foolishness leads to death.

And why is that?

Go back, listen to my sermon on Proverbs 8.

But it's because foolishness,

living apart from God,

is against the grain of the very world that he created.

And the very way that he created us to be and to live.

And so when we live against the grain of God's created order,

we live against the grain of the very things that God created

to be life-giving.

And so we end up in places of death,

relational death,

spiritual death,

financial death,

and literal death.

At times.

We need correction because we are by nature fools

who think highly of ourselves.

We need correction because without it,

we end up in destruction.

And thirdly,

we need correction because it's good for us.

Proverbs not only points out the bad thing

that we're headed to if we don't have it,

but it points out the good.

So Proverbs 6, 23 and 24.

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light.

And the reproofs of discipline are the way of life.

To preserve you from the evil woman

and from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.

If you remember back in chapter 6,

there were these women crying out.

These women who are images of wisdom and foolishness,

crying out and calling us to follow them.

They were seeking to entice us.

He says,

correction,

instruction.

Here,

you see the commandments and the reproofs of discipline

lead us in the right way.

It puts us in along the grain of God's created order

and it leads us to life.

And then Proverbs 24, 5 and 6.

A wise man is full of strength

and a man of knowledge enhances his might.

For by wise guidance,

you can wage your war

and in abundance of counselors,

there is victory.

So here the Proverbs remind us

that as we live out our lives

with the battles that we're facing,

the challenges that we're facing,

the things we have to overcome,

that wisdom gives us what?

Strength.

Knowledge that enhances our might.

And in an abundance of counselors,

there is victory.

The Bible knows very little

of the Lone Ranger

in American folklore.

The man who will go off,

the independent, strong man

who can go and do everything himself.

Instead, it says,

no, we need other people in our lives.

The abundance of counselors

brings blessing to us.

Think about this

in some other contexts in life.

If you want to be a ranger,

are you going to go like Rambo

and go train in the forest

or in the jungle by yourself

and think you can do it?

Even Rocky had a coach.

You know?

The ranger goes to training

where he has officers

and where he has others,

and they're telling him,

no, if you put your gun together like that,

it won't work.

If you try to kill a man like that,

he's going to kill you instead.

He needs that correction

so that he can be trained

that in the moment of battle,

he is now instinctively doing

what is going to be right and good

for him to do

what he needs to do.

Or think about a gymnast.

A gymnast jumps onto the balance beam.

He or she doesn't know.

She doesn't,

I guess he doesn't do balance beam.

So she doesn't know

how to do that herself.

She needs a coach to show her.

No, the line goes like this.

This is how you keep your balance.

Do these over and over and over again

with constant input.

Because then,

at the Olympics,

when they get up on the balance beam

with all the pressure,

this instinctive,

learned behavior

that's been corrected

and refined over time

by the constant input of a coach

produces the beauty and elegance

desired.

Maybe some of you are pianists.

My kids have been taking piano lessons

and it's been fun to watch them do it.

But one of the things that's amazing is,

right,

basic piano skills

have to do with things like

sitting up straight,

positioning your body right,

putting your hands.

You know,

this is not a piano player.

This is a piano player

for those of you who,

right,

they're very basic things.

But if you don't do them,

as you learn,

as you grow,

you might get away with it

for a while.

But as you try and continue

to progress,

you find out you can't become

a good piano player

when your form is terrible.

Without those basic skills

that are drilled into you

by practice

and with a coach

who's reminding you,

a teacher who's saying,

do this and this,

and here's the next step,

and here's the next step.

All sorts of areas

in our lives,

we require training

because it produces

what we desire

and what we long for.

And this is what the Proverbs

are saying

that God is doing for us.

Counsel and correction

are necessary for us

and they lead to good things.

Not only do they lead

to good things

in terms of the pattern

of our lives,

but also they,

lead to something better.

We experience love,

God's love,

and the love of others

in correction.

And so,

Proverbs 3, 11, and 12,

my son,

do not despise

the Lord's discipline

or be weary

of his reproof.

For the Lord reproves

him whom he loves

as a father,

the son,

in whom he delights.

Friends,

do you hear this?

When God disciplines us,

it is a sign

that we are his daughter,

we are his son.

It means we belong

and it means

that he has set

his love on us.

This is an amazing truth.

And when God uses

the instruments

of people around us,

the friends

who are better

than a brother,

who speak hard words

at time for us,

it is then we know

that they really

love us.

We don't always

respond to it well,

do we?

There are times

when just playing

in our pride,

we don't like it

when our faults

are pointed out,

when our shortcomings

are exposed.

We often feel

attacked or threatened.

We resist it

because we feel

like our identity

or our reputation

is at stake

in what the other person

is saying.

I do want to recognize,

too,

that some of us

struggle with correction

because you've grown up

in a place

where it wasn't

really correction

at all.

What you experienced

were harsh

and demanding,

condemning words,

words not to build up

but to tear down

and to destroy,

words of anger

and frustration

and of hatred.

And you may have

a hard time hearing

words of correction

because that's been

the pattern

that you've heard

all your life.

But I want you

to hear this morning,

those things

are not

biblical correction

and that is not love.

That is hatred

when we use our words

to attack

and to belittle

and to destroy others.

But godly correction

is actually a sign

of God's love for us.

And so,

for all of these reasons,

we need correction.

For all of these reasons,

we need this

in our lives.

leads us to the question,

do you think

that's true?

Do you believe

that when your friend

comes to you

and says,

hey Nick,

you were kind of

harsh in staff meeting,

something going on?

Did you mean

to say it that way?

Is that really

what you wanted to do?

This is hypothetical,

by the way,

not real.

Didn't happen this week,

so,

want to dispel

any rumors

that might be

forming in your mind.

But do you love it

when someone comes to you

and says something like that?

Do you welcome it?

Do you see it

as God's gift to us

and a treasure?

Listen to Proverbs 25,

12.

Like a gold ring

or an ornament of gold

is a wise reprover

to a listening ear.

Correction is a gift,

my friends.

It is a good thing.

So what then

does it look like?

What does godly correction

look like?

There are two aspects to it.

There has to be a heart

and there has to be

a pattern.

So we're going to talk

a little bit about the heart

and then about the pattern.

starting with the heart

then

Proverbs 27,

5 and 6.

Better is open rebuke

than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds

of a friend.

Profuse are the kisses

of an enemy.

So this is now

putting yourself

not on the receiving

but on the giving end of it.

What is the heart

of correction?

It is the heart of love.

It is I love you too much

to see you continue

in this destructive pattern.

I love you too much

to let you continue

in your ignorance

that those words

or those actions

were good

or right

or productive

in your life.

It is not

fixing a problem.

What you did

bugged me

and I didn't like it

so I'm going to

correct you.

No,

that's not godly correction.

Faithful are the wounds

of a friend.

Someone who is committed

to you.

Someone

who is not your enemy

but your friend.

Do you see what

your enemies do?

Your enemies

don't say anything.

Your enemies

flatter you

and say

you're the best.

You never do

anything wrong.

We think you're

the most wonderful person

in the whole world.

You could never

do anything bad.

And as much

as our ego

would love

to have people

in our lives

who say that to us

that's not love.

In fact

Proverbs calls that

what an enemy

does to us.

They butter us up

so that we'll

continue to like them.

Real love

is willing

to expose truth

for the sake

of that person

and for their good.

I remember once

when I was on staff

I was challenged

to move positions

and to leave

one team

and go to the next one

and I was deeply

conflicted about it.

I had committed

to this team.

We were building

something that was exciting

and I

we had talked

a lot about

doing it together

for a long time

and about the value

of working together

with other people.

But then

leadership came along

and they said

there's a whole campus

there are 100 students

there's lots of opportunity

we think you can do this

you'll be the

you'll get to call

your own shots

there are all sorts

of different things

that rose up

in my mind.

So I made the decision

to go

and my friend

called me

and believe me

it was not convenient

it was the night

before I was leaving

on an overseas

missions trip

he was far away

so I was having this

literally a conversation

in a phone booth

alright

they don't even exist anymore

I was in a phone booth

and he lovingly said

Matt I don't think

this is the right decision

I don't think

your motives are good

I understand

why it's compelling

but I'm really

concerned for you

this doesn't seem good

and not because

we're losing you

but because it doesn't

seem like a good thing

will you

will you reconsider

and I listened to him

that time

at least for a little while

I still made the decision

to go

and you know

what my friend did

he loved me anyway

I came back

from the mission trip

having made the decision

and we sat down

and we talked about it

and years later

he married me

and today

he's still

the person

that I pick up the phone

when I have a major

life decision

to call

because he loved me

as a friend enough

to challenge me

and I was so thankful

for that

so part of the heart

dynamic

is this real love

seeking someone else's good

not just trying to fix

a problem

not just trying to remove

an annoyance

but for their good

Proverbs 29 1

exposes another

heart dynamic

we need to recognize

he who is often

reproved

yet stiffens his neck

will suddenly be broken

beyond healing

stiff necked is a great phrase

in the Bible

isn't it

being stiff necked

means

that you are

unteachable

and

un

un

unbeatable

I think it actually

is an agricultural image

that has to do

with a horse

that you can't turn

the neck

one way or the other

he will just go

the way he's going to go

no matter what

I'm not positive

about that

but I think

that's where it comes from

but being stiff necked

is pride

it's a great picture

of what pride is

I'm going to do

my own thing

in my own way

and Proverbs warns us

that in the dynamics

of correction

pride will ruin

the dynamics

on both sides

pride of the reprover

the one who's bringing correction

will bring condemnation

arrogance

all sorts of negative

content

pride on the one

who's receiving it

will make us fools

who refuse

to accept it

but when there's humility

when there's humility

correction works beautifully

when our hearts are right

we humbly give correction

that will invite someone

to respond

to process

and to change

and when our hearts are right

we can humbly

receive correction

receive it

and seek to

for it to do good

in our lives

so humility

is a critical part

love and humility

together

when they are working

in this process

of correction

is a beautiful thing

so that's the heart issue

now what about

the practice

well here we go

alright

if you're taking notes

here's where

the rubber meets

the road

these are pastoral

thoughts for you

Proverbs

even at this level

doesn't lay out

so much of a

paradigm

but this is what

happens

this is what

happens

when we practice

it well

in the giving

of correction

okay

it is spoken

humbly

that is

acknowledge

you are not

perfect

acknowledge

that you don't

know everything

be careful

to check

your own heart

so that you're

not doing it

for selfish

motives

we don't want

any church ladies

going around

going

tsk tsk

don't do that

tsk tsk

don't do that

that's not

helpful

and it's not

humble

so it needs

to be spoken

humbly

it also needs

to be spoken

clearly

you did

these things

you said

these words

you acted

in these

ways

that seemed

to me

to not be

right

or good

maybe

I didn't

understand

maybe

I miss

saw

maybe

there's

a sense

of

I'm going

to bring

you what

I saw

I'm going

to acknowledge

I might

have gotten

it wrong

but I'm

going to

bring it

as clearly

as I can

and in

that clarity

one of the

things I'm

going to

do is

avoid

the

you always

and you

never

this is

marriage

counseling

101

friends

if you

didn't

you always

and you

never

are

poison

in any

relationship

and particularly

in correction

you always

do it

this way

you never

do that

it's not

helpful

correction

when we

talk

in

generalities

it is

helpful

to talk

in

specifics

thirdly

I've already

referred to

this

but it

should be

spoken

without

assumption

of motive

or intent

I don't

know what

you meant

but when

you did

this

or when

you said

this

it

communicated

this

to me

is that

what you

meant

is that

what you

wanted

that's a

helpful

way of

correcting

it's a

helpful

way of

rebuking

or reproving

it invites

a relationship

and a

conversation

spoken

humbly

clearly

without

assumption

it is

spoken

aptly

this is

Nick's

word

from last

week

but

specifically

that is

timing

and setting

are important

generally

correction

should be

done

in private

not in

public

this is

why

moms

you should

take

your

child

out

of

the

grocery

store

to

discipline

them

even

if it

means

you

leave

the

cart

full

of

ice

cream

you

just

do

it

because

it's

better

because

public

correction

brings

shame

very

quickly

and

shame

can

destroy

the

ability

for

someone

to

receive

it

well

it

also

needs

to be

said

in as

timely

a manner

as

possible

do

you

remember

three

years

ago

last

Thursday

when

you

said

this

no

well

it

was

really

not

good

can

you

fix

that

I

don't

even

remember

what

I

did

timeliness

is part

of it

being

an

apt

word

so

don't

let

it

fester

maybe

you

need

a

little

bit

of

time

to

process

it

to

evaluate

whether

this

something

needs

to be

said

or not

but

if

you're

bringing

it

do

it

in

a

timely

manner

needs

to be

spoken

in

person

maybe

in

a

letter

if

you

have

a

fear

that

it's

going

to be

so

explosive

or so

difficult

that you

need

to write

it

down

but

even

if

you're

writing

it

down

in

a

letter

you

want

to

invite

then

a

face

to

face

conversation

as

a

follow

up

to

it

friends

maybe

this

doesn't

need

to

be

said

but

Twitter

is

a

really

bad

way

to

do

this

social

media

is

not

the

right

forum

to

bring

correction

to

one

another's

lives

it

just

isn't

it's

not

made

for

that

don't

let

it

become

your

main

means

of

communication

with

people

because

it

will

disallow

healthy

correction

in

your

life

in

person

allows

us

to

see

the

facial

expressions

to

hear

the

tone

to

feel

the

impulse

and

maybe

even

the

hug

that

needs

to

go

along

with

the

word

of

correction

so

do

it

in

person

and

finally

correction

means

speaking

courageously

because

you know

what

this

is

hard

it's

out

of

practice

in

our

culture

we

don't

live

in

a

culture

that

does

this

well

and

so

it's

hard

and

we're

afraid

of

rejection

we're

afraid

of

conflict

and

often

in

our

fear

we

don't

do

it

well

either

we

speak

either

too

strongly

or

too

weakly

in

the

moment

because

of

fear

so

we

need

to

ask

the

Lord

to

help

us

be

courageous

be

courageous

enough

to

be

calm

and

to

be

loving

and

to

invite

relationship

while

speaking

hard

truths

of

correction

all

right

that's

how

that's

how

it

could

look

like

that's

my

advice

to

you

on

how

it

could

look

when

you

say

it

well

how

about

receiving

it

well

what

does

this

look

like

well

you

know

it's

fascinating

because

when

you

look

through

the

Proverbs

they

have

a lot

more

to

say

about

how

to

receive

it

but

it's

almost

all

negative

what

does

that

say

about

us

right

this

is

the

problem

that

Proverbs

exposes

more

than

anything

else

so

we'll

look

at

some

of

the

ways

that

Proverbs

exposes

our

negative

reception

then

we'll

end

with

something

positive

right

how

do

we

do

it

badly

well

as

we've

read

we

stiffen

our

necks

we

become

defensive

I

didn't

do

that

what

are

you

talking

about

I

didn't

say

that

no

I

didn't

my

six

year

old

is

very

good

at

this

did

you

leave

the

refrigerator

open

no

did

anyone

else

touch

the

refrigerator

besides

you

no

the

refrigerator

door

is

open

I

don't

know

we're

so

prone

to

just

say

no

we

become

defensive

stiffen

our

necks

say

no

I

don't

I'm

not

going

to

receive

that

I'm

not

going

to

allow

that

to

be

true

second

thing

we

do

is

we

lash

out

at

the

person

who

brings

us

Proverbs

is

very

it

says

this

a

number

of

times

Proverbs

9

7

through

8

says

whoever

corrects

a

scoffer

gets

himself

abuse

and he

who

reproves

a

wicked

man

incurs

injury

do

not

reprove

a

scoffer

or

he

will

hate

you

reprove

a

wise

man

and

he

will

love

you

put

the

other

shoe

on

that

proverb

what

does

it

mean

and

we

know

we've

done

this

well

who

are

you

to

correct

me

I

know

you're

not

perfect

you

want

me

to

go

down

your

fault

can

I

point

out

all

the

ways

you're

not

doing

things

right

we

shift

into

attack

mode

so

quickly

when

someone

brings

correction

into

our

life

don't

we

and

we

often

try

to

shift

the

attention

in

order

to

hide

our

shame

we

attack

often

in a

desire

that

the

person

who

came

with

correction

will

run

away

in

fear

and

think

I

can't

do

that

anymore

I

have

nothing

else

to

say

so

we

stiffen

our

necks

we

lash

out

the

third

thing

this

is

fascinating

Hebrews

are

not

Proverbs

18

2

a fool

takes

no

pleasure

in

understanding

but

only

in

expressing

his

opinion

so

what

happens

when

someone

brings

correction

we

start

talking

wow

yeah

but

let me

explain

let me

try

to

get

you

know

and

15

minutes

later

the

person

who's

brought

the

correction

is

saying

did you

even

hear

me

at

all

because

it's

been

so

confounded

and

so

clouded

by

many

words

that

are

not

receiving

the

word

of

correction

but

are

trying

to

actually

evade

it

by

talking

about

our

own

opinion

yeah

but

let

me

explain

and

fourthly

some

of the

ways

we

don't

receive

it

well

we

avoid

proverbs

15

12

a

scoffer

does

not

like

to

be

reproved

he

will

not

go

to

the

wise

so

one

of

our

best

tactics

is

simply

to

avoid

them

that

person

spoke

to

me

once

and

they

tried

to

correct

me

well

I'm

not

going to

talk

to

them

again

I'm

going to

only be

in

group

settings

I'm

only

talk

about

superficial

things

I'm

going to

run

as

fast

as

I

can

that

friends

our

hearts

so

resist

this

dynamic

and

yet

when

it's

done

well

when

it's

received

well

it can

be

such

a

beautiful

thing

so

the

flip

side

of

those

what

does

it

look

like

it

looks

like

a

soft

heart

brother

sister

I'm

so

glad

you

said

something

I

didn't

realize

or

you're

right

or

I

don't

even

know

what

I

was

doing

but

I

know

I

need

to

think

about

it

and

here's

the

thing

even

if

50%

no

even

if

80%

no

even

if

90%

of

it

is

communicated

poorly

to

you

and