God's Good Plan for Gender & Marriage

As we turn now to God's word,

just to say it again for those of you who maybe knew

that one of the commitments of our church

and as we've just been singing

about the cornerstone of Jesus Christ,

the way that we know him is through his word.

And so every week we open up the Bible

and we look at it carefully together.

To see what it has to say to us today.

I'm not gonna preach on building projects.

I'm gonna preach on what comes next in the book of Genesis,

which is where we're in.

So if you wanna turn with me in your pew Bibles,

Genesis 2 is where we'll be.

That'll be on page two in your pew Bible.

And as you turn there,

will you also pray with me this morning?

Lord Jesus, we praise you for your faithfulness

and your goodness to us

that you have shown to us in Jesus Christ

as we have just been singing.

And Lord, now as we turn to your word,

we pray that we would see your goodness

in your creative acts, Lord,

and in the way that you have made us as human beings.

Lord, I ask that you would help me this morning.

Lord, that you would help all of us

to understand your word,

to know its truth,

to receive it as good,

to rejoice in your plan for us.

Lord, and that as we do this,

that we might know you more

and what it means to know

how to live in a relationship with you.

God, be with us, I pray.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Sam Smith is a Grammy award-winning singer.

Sam announced this week

that they are asking to be called

by the pronouns they and them,

having also publicly made known

that they have embraced

a non-binary gender identity.

If you are a follower

of the ABC show Bachelors in Paradise,

you may know that they also had

a groundbreaking event this week

as the first same-sex proposal occurred

with contestants Demi Burnett

proposing to Christian Hagerty.

These were simply a few of the headlines

in the news this week

as I open up CNN.com,

perusing the news outlets

to know what's going on in the world.

And as keen observers have noticed,

the fact of these news stories

and their proliferation

remind us of the rapidity of change

in our culture's views

on some of the most core aspects

of human identity,

our gender,

our understanding of relationships,

of sex,

and marriage.

And these questions, of course,

have always been there

in every society throughout history.

But we might fairly say

that in the last 30 years,

these topics were not discussed

and certainly not celebrated

as openly as they are today.

These important issues, of course,

are not simply out in the media,

but it is in our everyday lives as well.

These are issues that affect our neighbors,

our classmates,

our coworkers.

And it's not just out there either.

It's in here, isn't it?

Some of you in this room

have wrestled with questions

of gender and identity,

of sexual orientation and attraction,

of understanding marriage

and relationships.

These are important conversations

and we need to address them

with kind thoughtfulness,

with courageous compassion

and straightforward clarity.

And we begin this morning

by confessing that the church

has not always done this well.

And the church is not always

doing it well today.

And yet it brings us

to the question that we have,

which is,

what does God's word say to us

today

about human identity,

particularly about gender

and marriage?

I did not pick this topic

because I thought it was time

to preach on this.

I picked this topic

because as we come to Genesis,

Genesis 2,

Genesis 2:18–25

verses 18 through 25,

these are the very things

that this passage addresses.

And so as we continue to that,

if you want to turn with me there,

we'll look at that.

We're going to start in verse 18.

And remember where we're at in Genesis.

Genesis 1 was this cosmic view

from God's perspective

of the creation of all things.

And then Genesis 2

was this zoom in

on the creation,

particularly of humanity

and of male and female

and what that looks like.

And the specifics

of God's created order,

which in the end

he declared

to be very good

are the things

we're going to explore today.

To try to understand

why God declares

these things

profoundly good

and reflective

of God's goodness

in our lives.

So let's look at Genesis 2.

We're going to start

in verse 18.

And we'll read

to the end of the chapter.

Then the Lord God said,

It is not good

that the man should be alone.

I will make him a helper

fit for him.

Now out of the ground,

the Lord God had formed

every beast of the field

and every bird of the heavens

and brought them to the man

to see what he would call them.

And whatever the man called

every living creature,

that was its name.

The man gave names

to all livestock

and to the birds

of the heavens

and to every beast

of the field.

But for Adam,

there was not found

a helper fit for him.

So the Lord God

caused a deep sleep

to fall upon the man

and while he slept,

took one of his ribs

and closed up its place

with flesh.

And the rib

that the Lord God

had taken

from the man

he made into a woman

and brought her

to the man.

And then the man said,

This at last

is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh

and she shall be called woman

because she was taken out of man.

Therefore a man shall leave

his father and his mother

and hold fast to his wife

and they shall become

one flesh.

And the man

and his wife

were both naked

and were not ashamed.

What do we learn

in this passage

about gender

and sex

and marriage?

And is God's plan

really good

for us?

It's a big question.

We're going to try

to tackle as much of it

as we can this morning.

Here's how we're going

to do it.

We're going to look

at one story.

We're going to look

at two topics

and then we're going

to ask three questions

and then one final word.

So if you're taking notes,

there's your outline.

One story,

two topics,

three questions

and a final word.

Yep, we can do this.

Alright.

So, first of all,

the story.

We have to recognize

God brings this to us

in a narrative.

This is not a didactic

procedural description

but a narrative story.

And what we've seen

so far in this story

is that God

is the creator

of everything

and everything he created

in its original form

was good.

And the pinnacle,

the high point,

the end point

of his creation

was the creation

of humanity.

Uniquely among

all of his creations

made in his image

and made to rule over

all of the rest

of his creation.

To bear his image

by reflecting his character

and his nature

and representing him

in the world.

And in this whole story

we've seen this

fundamental givenness,

God is the creator

and he has made

the world the way

he has chosen to do so

in order to reveal himself

and to display his glory.

And this is a good plan

that he has made

and we as his creations

are meant to explore

and understand

and enjoy his goodness

in this creation.

So, having said that,

this is the background

of the story.

We come to Genesis 2,

Genesis 2:18

verse 18.

And if we're reading carefully,

we have come to

a very shocking moment

in verse 18.

The Lord God said,

it is not good.

How could this be?

How could anything

in this creation

be not good?

God has said,

everything is good

and it flows

from his goodness

and there's been no hint

of any not goodness

until now

and then suddenly

there is this problem

that presents itself.

It is not good

for man

and in this case,

man is now

a gendered being,

not just humanity broadly,

but the gendered,

the male part

of the human species.

It is not good

for him to be alone.

And God states

his intention.

I will create

a helper

fit for him.

A helper,

the word is azer,

is a strong ally,

a companion,

one who comes alongside,

the way that God

comes alongside

his nation Israel

throughout his history

to be their strength

and to help them

to accomplish

all that he intends.

God says,

I will create

a helper

and a helper fit.

What does that mean

by fit?

What we see

as the story goes on,

God is unpacking

what fit means.

Fit might be

also translated

corresponding to

of the same type,

but we'll see

how this,

because what happens

is that God

then brings

the animals

that he's created

to Adam

and Adam

in his image

of Godness

gives them names,

seeing who they are

and in expressing

his dominion

over creation

by doing this.

but the point

of that

is not really

to talk about that.

The point of that

is to show

that none of them

are fit

for Adam.

None of them,

though they have

God's image in them

or God's glory

displayed

in a broad way,

the way nature

displays God's nature,

they are not

in God's image

and they are not

fit

for male humanity.

They are not

a companion

for them.

And so,

God says,

now that you

have seen this Adam,

that none of these

are fit,

this is where we see

in the end

of chapter 20,

none of them

are according

to his kind,

so there was not

a helper fit

for him,

and he puts

the man to sleep,

and he takes

part of his body

out

and from that body

he then forms

of the same essence,

creates woman

to be with man.

Now,

we have to,

one commentator

says this,

as we think about

how this happens,

commentating on

this helper

being

what the relationship

is.

Man does not have

a governmental

priority,

but a mutual

dependence.

Man is created

first with a woman

to help the man,

not vice versa.

However,

this does not mean

an ontological

superiority

or inferiority.

The word

signifies her

essential contribution,

not inadequacy.

What God

is creating

is not

a maid

to clean up

your dirty socks,

or a cook

to make sure

you have a meal.

What God

is creating

is a partner

and a companion

and a necessary

help

so that

male and female

together

might carry out

God's word.

Notice that

Matthew Henry,

the old-time

commentator,

makes a great

comment about

what part

of the body

did God

pull out.

Not

made out

of the top

of his head

so that

she might

be over him,

not out

of his feet

to be trampled

upon by him,

but out of his

side to be

equal with him,

under his arm

to be protected

by him,

and near his

heart to be

loved by him.

God chose

a rib

to signify

the along-sideness

of the creation

of woman

to be man.

And then,

as he wakes

up,

God brings

her to him

the way a

father brings

his daughter

down the aisle

in a wedding

ceremony.

And like

many grooms,

Adam responds

with a song,

with a poem,

finally,

I saw

the inadequacy

of all

these other

things.

Now,

this is the

one that

I was made

for.

This is the

one that I

need.

Bone of my

bones and

flesh of my

flesh,

I will give

her a name

woman.

That means

that she's

with me

and we

together

are going

to do

what God

has called

us to do.

She is

my companion,

my counterpart.

And through

her,

God will

allow us

together to

fulfill the

command to

be fruitful

and to

multiply and

have dominion

over the

earth.

What a

good news

this is.

And then

the narrator

jumps in

in verses

24 and

25.

He's been

telling the

story about

Adam and

Eve and

then you

see he

steps back

and he

takes a

narrator role

for two

verses.

He says,

therefore a

man shall

leave his

father and

his mother

and hold

fast to

his wife

and they

shall become

one flesh.

And the

man and

his wife

were both

naked and

were not

ashamed.

Do you

notice how

incongruous

this is?

Because Adam

and Eve don't

have parents.

There is no

leaving to be

done.

This is not

about Adam

and Eve in

the garden,

the creation

of the first

man and

woman.

This is about

the pattern

that is being

established in

this text that

male and

female would

live out this

calling together.

And it has

these beautiful

pictures.

This marriage is

meant to be for

a lifetime.

They leave all

other loyalties to

make this their

primary loyalty.

And they will

hold fast to one

another in

commitment to one

another till

death do us

part as the

old vows say

it.

and they

become one

flesh.

And certainly

this is a

biological union

where procreation

is happening

and where joy

and serving

and giving

pleasure to

one another

is a part

of this

incredible good

gift that God

has given us.

But it's more

than just a

one flesh

biologically.

It's a one

flesh that

creates a new

unity.

Think about

this.

God took a

rib out of

Adam to

create another

being and now

he's calling

them to come

back together

in a kind of

union and a

kind of unity

that is full

orbed, that

encompasses all

of life.

Where two

individuals come

together and

God creates a

new one of a

marriage.

God is

separated so

that he might

pair them

together in a

unity.

And it is

almost

unbelievably

beautiful.

Verse 25 is

one of the most

shocking verses

in this whole

passage.

They were

naked.

They were not

ashamed.

And we don't

know what that

looks like.

Because we don't

live on the

right side of the

fall of humanity

to know what that

could actually be

like.

But it is a

beautiful thing.

this story points

to God in his

fatherly care and

his creative majesty

making humanity

male and female

gendered and

bringing them

together in

marriage.

Complimentary

companionship for

the calling that

God has put on

them.

these then are our

two topics aren't

they?

The story has

brought us to

this.

So now we have

two topics before

us.

One is gender and

one is marriage.

How do we think

about these things?

And I am sure that

you are already

sitting there with a

list of questions.

Here is what I want

to encourage you to

do.

Write them down on

your bulletin.

Put them in your

notes.

Hopefully we will get

to some of them

today.

And if we don't

by the end of the

time I at least

will have given you

some guideposts on

where you can go to

think through some of

them.

Alright?

So topic number one.

Gender as God's

good gift.

What God has done in

creating humanity is

gendered male and

female is described

as good.

And what I want to

do is describe that

goodness as best as I

can so we can parse

that out.

First, this gender

has an equality to

it.

Genesis 1 says he

created them.

Let's look at it to

make sure I get it

right.

So God created man in

his own image.

In the image of God

he created him.

Male and female he

created them.

And in this poetic

form he says there's

this humanity that God

is creating and man is

a generic term for

humanity until the

third line where he

changes the words to

say male and female

he created them.

And together then they

receive the commission

and the calling to live

out to have dominion to

be fruitful and multiply.

They're both in God's

image.

Both are blessed and

both are commissioned.

And then in Genesis 2 we

see that God is

reinforcing their

equality.

The woman is made out

of the same stuff as

man.

She is not lesser.

She is not other.

She is not different.

She is of the same

essence and substance

as the man.

She is distinct from

all the other animals

of creation in this

way.

And the story highlights

this.

And we need to start

with this equality

because we know in

human history how

easily the distinction

of gender has been

used as a basis

for abuse.

We know how

quickly we

oppress those

who are different

from us by making

them other.

Making ourselves

bigger by making

others smaller.

And gender is one

of the ways that we

have done this.

That is not what God

has created in this

story.

That is not what God

has done.

And there is no

room for hatred.

There is no room for

dismissing women as

lesser in value in

society.

And we must

acknowledge that even

the church at times,

maybe more so than not,

has struggled to do

this well and to honor

men and women equally as

co-heirs and as co-laborers

in the gospel.

It is in the Bible.

And yet we have failed

to live it out often in

our culture and in our

church broadly.

So we need to recognize

that this equality is an

essential starting point

for understanding gender

because then the next

move is to see that there

is distinction.

There is a male and

female.

And this is a part of a

pattern that you see more

broadly in God's creative

act.

When he created the world

back in Genesis 1, he

created light and dark

that go together.

He created day and night

that are complementary,

distinct things that are

paired together.

He created sky and sea.

He created land, dry land

and water.

And all of these things are

God separating and creating

distinction so that there

might be a unified whole

that is the beauty of God's

creation.

And this is exactly what God

is doing with male and

female.

He's saying humanity is not

an androgynous, genderless

being, but humanity is this

beautiful pairing of two

distinct genders.

Not interchangeable, but

distinct from one another.

And we see this in the way.

We see that man was created

first and that the woman

was created to be his

alongside companion, his

helper.

We see that man was given

the command to leave his

parents and to cleave to his

wife uniquely.

So we see throughout this

story that God is making

these distinctions.

And of course, it's not that

hard to stop and to say,

as we look around, men and

women actually look different.

Our gender is a biological

reality.

The Olympics recognize this.

When there's a hundred meter

dash, there's a men's event and

a women's event.

That reflects some of the

biological distinction.

Now, we need to be extremely

careful how we think through

and apply those things.

But that is a part of the

givenness of how God has

created humanity, male and

female, with distinct gender.

So just a brief pause to

apply this.

We must recognize that in our

culture, and this is not the

first time it's happened in

human history, but in our

culture today, there are

impulses to erase gender from

our sense of human identity.

There are ways in which gender

distinctions are being

minimized.

And some of it comes from a

good heart to overcome the

discrimination and the

oppression that has happened.

And some of it comes from a

desire to really have

equality be established.

And yet, we must recognize

this is not God's plan.

Another headline this week I

saw was an article about

raising babies.

Maybe you're familiar with

this.

Some are seeking to raise

their children as genderless

children.

out of fear of imposing upon

them some gendered stereotype

or expectations that would

feel oppressive to them.

This is just one example,

perhaps, of how our culture is

thinking about these things.

And we need to see that that is

a departure from God's creative

purpose.

From God's creative order.

So we have equality and we have

distinction, but we finally have

the complementary nature.

That, in fact, the two of them are

meant to fit together.

Right?

They're meant to go together.

There is an inseparableness as well

as a distinctiveness about male and

female.

Clearly, this happens in biology.

We don't have men and women.

We don't have children.

We cannot be fruitful and multiply

if we don't have men and women.

And even in a modern science,

when we can do some of that

finagling and test tubes and

outside of human bodies,

we still need men and women.

We still need to create the

appropriate products so that we can

actually have procreation.

But, of course, it is much more

than that.

The complementary nature is much

more than that.

Because this doing it together,

this companionship, this partnership

that God has created has an

interdependence.

And now here's the challenge.

What does that actually look like?

Does it look like boys like trucks

and girls like dolls?

Or boys like blue and girls like pink?

Friends, I'll just tell you,

they're not biblical categories.

They may be true of your children.

They may not.

They may be true of you.

They may not.

They are not biblical categories.

If you look back and you think about it,

think about how even the expectations

of what gendered expression looks like,

how it's changed.

300 years ago in England,

men wore wigs and hosiery.

I mean, just to say it,

like it's different, right?

The cultural expression of manhood and womanhood

has been a moving target

throughout all of human history.

You may be guessing,

I'm hedging on this.

I'm not going to give you lists

of what masculinity and femininity look like.

You know, what I do want to tell you a story

about this.

And that was that I came to faith in Christ

right before my senior year in high school.

And I went off to college

having never thought about any of these things

or what the Bible has to say.

And I was involved in a great church

and a great campus ministry

that really made me think through

what is the Bible saying?

How do I live under it?

And I was confronted by a view of gender

that I had never really examined

or thought about before.

But you know, in the context of that,

I had three married couples.

Actually, one guy was single most of the time

and then he got married near the end.

There were three couples though that I saw

that all embraced this distinction,

equality, and complementarity in gender.

And yet each one of those couples

had different personalities.

They had different dynamics

in the way that they lived out the distinctions,

in the way that they led and served

and helped one another

to be the people that God wanted them to be

and to do the things that God had called them to do.

And the sum was greater than their parts

in each case.

But if you talk to those three women,

there might be some broad characteristics

that they would say,

these are things that we feel are important.

But man, they are so different

that for me to stand here

and try to give you a short list of,

well, women are like this

and men are like this

and this is the way it should be,

I can promise you

that at least 20% of you would say

that doesn't fit.

Because the breadth of the creative work

that God has done in creating each one of us

is broad enough.

And what I want to do is,

rather than give you that list,

I want to invite you to a conversation.

A conversation with one another

about what does that look like in your life?

I want to call you to a pursuit.

If you are a woman,

to ask yourself,

how am I thankful

that God has created me, a woman?

And in what way is that unique?

If I am a man,

how do I thank God

that he has made me a man?

And in what ways

does that call me uniquely to follow him?

And in our marriages

and in our relationships

outside of marriage,

to think how do we honor one another

in the distinctiveness of our gender

as brothers and sisters in Christ?

Much more could be said,

but the clock is ticking.

I'm only on my second topic.

I've got three questions to go

and it's 11.15.

So, let's keep moving.

I will say this.

There is already a great Sunday school

on our website

and there will be another Sunday school

coming up later this fall

that will address some of these issues more so.

Second topic, marriage.

I want to highlight four things

that God says about marriage

in this passage.

As we see that when God created

gendered beings,

he then brought them together

into this union.

Okay?

This was the very central piece.

Gender and marriage

were tied explicitly together

and this leads to the first point

that I want to say.

As one commentator said it,

it is notable that there is only one Eve.

There are not multiple Eves,

nor is there another male,

but there is monogamy

and heterosexuality

built into the created order

of marriage.

This is the way God has made it to be.

That the woman is a counterpart to man

and together in their gender distinctiveness,

their marriage is meant to display

all that God has for them in marriage.

This is the pattern.

I know this is controversial.

I know I just threw a grenade into the room.

Stay with me.

We're going to add,

the questions are going to address

some of the things

that just jumped up in your mind

about what about,

so hold on.

But that's the first thing I want to say.

Second thing is that it is

a committed relationship.

God's intention is that

a man shall leave his father and mother

and shall cleave to his wife

and come together in this committed union

that is intended to be unbreakable

apart from death.

This is why the scripture says

that God hates divorce.

And I know that this is a very fallen world

and there are lots of things for us to be said

about how that plays out in the fallen world,

but we want to see that God's created purpose in this

was a committed lifelong relationship

and that this is good,

that it would have a priority

over all other relationships,

familial or otherwise.

Recognize how countercultural

that would have been in the ancient Near East

where your wife would be more important

than your parents or your tribe or your clan.

And it is a pattern that is universal in creation.

It's for all people.

So,

we have the gendered heterosexuality,

we have commitment,

third, we have union.

for one flesh,

for sex and companionship.

And we need to recognize

that God gave us

this incredibly powerful gift

of the act of human intercourse

as a gift to be done

within the safe confines

of that committed relationship

with one another.

this is a good gift

that God has given us,

but it is not for all places

and not all contexts.

It is given as a part of this picture

that the man will leave his father and mother

and cleave to his wife

and they shall become one flesh.

This is the context

in which we are meant

in God's created purpose

for us to live out

this desire

that so dominates our culture

and our world today.

More on that later.

Let me be just as explicit.

Therefore,

outside of a heterosexual marriage,

it is not good

for us to be sexually active,

whether that's

outside of the commitment of marriage,

outside of the heterosexuality of marriage,

outside of the union of marriage.

It is not good.

Then the fourth thing

that I want you to see

is that in this context,

in its created goodness,

it was a beautiful thing.

Adam rejoiced.

His heart leapt out of his chest

when he saw the one

that he was made for

and who was made for him.

Not to rule over,

but because finally,

this one that was like him

was brought to him.

And it was beautiful.

And they were naked

and they were unashamed.

What a beautiful picture that is

of a relationship

and how our hearts long

for that kind of acceptance

and transparency

and intimacy.

So this is God's ordained social unit.

It is the fundamental unit

of human society and creation

and the means of carrying out the commands.

So how do we apply this?

Well, first of all,

in our world today,

we need to clarify

what marriage means

and then we need to celebrate

what God does mean by marriage.

We need to see

that heterosexual, monogamous,

faithful, lifelong marriage

is a good thing.

We are meant to cultivate it

and invest in it.

And if you are single,

it's okay for you to long for it.

It's also okay

if you don't long for it right now.

We'll get to that.

That's one of my questions.

We'll get there.

But to value it,

to support it

in your friends who are married,

to know about it

so that you can do so.

We ought to rejoice

that God created marriage

in its goodness

and in its original form.

Two really brief advertisements.

In your bulletin,

there is an announcement.

On November 2nd,

we are having a marriage seminar

here at this church.

Alistair Groves,

who works for CCEF,

is coming to speak on marriage.

There's a whole description

in your flyer.

Think about,

for those of you

who are married

or maybe are close

to being married

or even want to just support

those who are married,

consider coming,

setting aside that Saturday

to come and be a part of it.

There's also an announcement

on a separate page

about Family Life.

Family Life is a national ministry

that runs this thing

called Weekend to Remember

and they're running

some great discounts.

If you are interested

in going to this

as a married couple

just to do some tune-up work

on your relationship,

to get away

and to focus for a little while

on the Lord

and on one another,

these are some great opportunities

for you to invest in it.

Okay.

Having considered then

our two topics

of gender and marriage

and having stepped on

a number of landmines

along the way,

there are a lot of questions,

aren't there?

And fundamentally,

the questions arise

because what we've been talking about

up to this point

is God's original good creation

before the fall of humanity.

And what that means

is that we have never experienced it

the way God intended it

in its fullness

because the fall of humanity,

our rebellion against God

as a human race,

our therefore alienation from him,

and our sin impulse

to go away from his plan

has created all sorts of problems

whereby this created goodness

feels like a zephyr

that we can barely grasp onto

maybe at moments.

We live in a fallen world

where this original goodness

has not been our experience

for many of us.

So what about questions?

What about gender dysphoria?

What about same-sex attraction?

And what about singleness?

There are more.

Sorry, they didn't make the list.

We won't be here.

If I wanted to keep going,

we'll be here till one

and we don't want to do that.

So, but these are the three things.

And again, I want to reemphasize,

these are questions

that are not about they,

out there,

those people who struggle with this.

But this is something

that is a we question,

that we as human beings

will struggle with.

And there will be people

sitting next to you in the pew

who may be struggling

with these questions.

So, first of all,

what about gender dysphoria?

For those of you

who are unfamiliar with this term,

it can be defined as this,

a marked incongruence

between one's experienced

or expressed gender

and their assigned gender,

that is their gender

of a child at birth

that's determined

by their biological parts,

their assigned gender

of at least six months duration.

That's the official definition

of gender dysphoria.

Someone who feels like

the body that they have

doesn't match the gender

that they feel.

That might be the more,

the simpler way to say it.

That there's a dissonance

or a disconnect

between those things.

How do we think about this?

Again, there's much to be said.

I'm going to give you

a really brief framework.

Here's the thing.

The way we want to view

these questions

is through the framework

of the biblical storyline

of creation, fall,

redemption, and glory.

So we've talked about

the created goodness of gender.

Now we're talking about

someone who's experiencing

a fallen disconnect

or dissonance

where the gender

of their body,

their biological sex,

doesn't match

their psyche

and their soul

and their self-perception.

What do we do with that?

Sam Smith said in his post

that he was tired

of being at war

with his gender.

Isn't that an interesting phrase

to describe his experience?

And we must understand

that this is real

because the fall

affects us holistically.

It affects every part of us.

For some,

this will be a biologically

sourced reality

that something

in their brain chemistry,

something in their hormones,

something is where

it just doesn't fit.

For some,

it may be caused

by trauma,

by broken relationships,

by cultural stereotypes

that have felt oppressive

to them,

where this fit

of their internal being

and their biological body

just does not work.

And it is a deep

and difficult challenge.

And we need to start

by being compassionate

to them.

Think about

what it would be like

if when people look at you,

they see something

and you feel like

that's not me.

What they see

is not who they feel

like they are.

How terrible

is that?

How difficult

is that?

How heartbreaking

is that?

So we need to recognize

that this is a reality

for some.

So how do we respond?

How do we walk through this?

First of all,

we need to go back

to the question

of God's givenness.

What has God

made us to be?

And then we also

need to say,

how is it that the fall

has warped

or shaped

or affected

my experience

of what might have

been a good thing?

Because we all experience

a little bit

of both of that, right?

There's still vestiges

of our created goodness

and then there's also

these places

where it's warped

and twisted

or where it's no longer

what it's supposed to be

and this dissonance

that we feel,

we think this should not be

and that's right.

It should not be.

This is not the way

it was meant to be.

So the church

needs to start

first with compassion

to seek to understand

rather than to fix people.

Secondly,

we need to start,

we need to affirm

the reality

of their experience

but then to help

bring to them

a biblical framework

of thinking through

how to interpret

their experience

through this creation

fall redemption pattern

so that they might

think about

what it is actually

that they're experiencing.

And third,

we need to recognize

that we need to love them

as fellow broken

human beings

who most of all

need the gospel,

who need Jesus Christ,

who need to find

an identity

deeper than their gender,

deeper than their bodies,

deeper than their things

in being in Christ

because this is what

they were made to be.

And that then

as that is established,

then they can begin

to think through

how then they respond

to this experience

that they have.

Friends,

there is a desire

and a plan

on God's part

that this dissonance

of gender dysphoria

will be restored.

But it may not be

in this life.

Some of us

will walk through this

and carry this dissonance

for the rest

of their lives.

But we do know

that one day

God will restore it.

We do know

that one day

in heaven

we will know

the gendered being

that we were created

to be apart

from the fall.

And in heaven

that dissonance

will be gone.

And just as there's

no more tears,

no more sorrow,

no more death,

so there will be

no more of this dissonance

and we will know

who we are

and we will be

fully known

by God

and loved

and celebrated.

There's lots more

to say about this.

There's a great book.

It's a starting place

for you

by Vaughn Roberts

called Transgender.

I recommend it.

It was on the bookstore

earlier this week

but it's sold out

right now.

So we'll get more.

So,

alright.

I'm already over time.

I gotta keep going.

Second,

what about

same-sex attraction

and marriage?

again,

think through this framework

of creation,

fall,

redemption,

right?

If we

were in Adam's shoes,

we would not experience

same-sex attraction.

God created

a goodness

of gender

and distinction

and attraction

that

was the original pattern.

and yet,

in our fallen world,

we recognize

that this is true

for some people,

for some of us.

We find that

our romantic

and sexual desire

does not gravitate

towards those

of the opposite gender

but of the same gender.

And some of this

may be biological

and some of it

may be environmental

and some of it

may be willful.

But we need to recognize

that

this is a reality

for many people.

And the challenge

of talking about

this in our culture

today

is that our culture

has so elevated

sex

in our culture

and made it

our primary identity

and a fundamental

human right.

Therefore,

we ought to be able

to have sex

with people

whenever we want to

and who we choose to

apart from any constraint

or any pattern

of God's plan

because that has been

a broader

cultural value

than when we talk

about this question

to talk about

any sort of limitation

or any constraint

on how we live this out

feels like it's oppression.

We need to recognize

that this is not

how God intended it

in the beginning.

And to submit

to his givenness

means that

there may be

some of us

people

who will never

experience

sexual union

with another human being

in this life

because they want

to live

within the constraints

of what God

has called them to.

And it might be

because of their

same-sex attraction

and their understanding

that this is not

God's plan for marriage

that they will live

a life of faithful

celibacy

until eternity.

Or it may be

that they will

and it may be too

that some of you

may be single

and have heterosexual

desires

and still live

in this calling

of being faithful

and abstinent

for your whole life.

There is no

plan

for same-sex marriage

in God's kingdom

and purposes.

God's plan

is for sexual

abstinence

outside of marriage

regardless of gender.

Now,

let me

one minute on this.

There can be

a whole other conversation

about how we engage

with our society

or our government

in how we think

about these things.

That is a separate

conversation

because I think

there's

and I think

that there's

an appropriate

diversity of views

even within the church

on how to navigate

that question.

What I have been

presenting to you

is this is

what God's word

says for God's people

and then we want

to think about

how does that apply

to the broader culture

and we need to do so

with a lot more

compassion

and a lot less

virulence

than we have

tended to do so.

So what about

our friends

who struggle

with these things?

Well,

if they don't know

Christ

then we love them

as fallen

and broken people

who are lost

and need Jesus.

We don't need

to fix

their

sexual orientation.

we don't need

to fix

their relationships

first.

We need to help

them see

that the life

and death

and resurrection

of Jesus

is their greatest

hope.

What about those

who do know Christ

who struggle

with these things?

Well, you know

what we need to do

with them?

We need to love

them as sinners

who experience

life as fallen

and broken

in the world

and who need

to be pointed

to their greatest

hope

which is

the forgiveness

of sins

and the new life

that they have

in Christ

that they might

grow in God's

grace

to live out

the life

that God

has called them

of faithfulness

to his plan

to engage

in his redemptive

purposes

in their lives

to be transformed

more and more

into the likeness

of God.

All right.

Washed and Waiting

by Wesley Hill

is a book

downstairs.

Be a great

book for you

to consider

in light of this.

The third one

and this flows

from what I just said

what about singleness?

Marriage is a central

motif

in the biblical

story

and in the creation

story

and we need

to recognize

that singleness

is a little bit

different from

these other things

because singleness

is not a result

of the fall.

Right?

Singleness

is a reality

in human existence

but it is not

per se

a result

of the fall

in the same way

that gender

confusion

or

same-sex

attraction

is.

What we need

to do

is to say

briefly

these things.

One,

marriage is a

dominant paradigm

that ought to be

celebrated

as essential

to the human

race

and to our

calling to live

it out.

However,

it is not

the purpose

for all of

God's people.

It is not

essential

and it is not

a second-hand

state.

Goodness gracious,

all we need to do

is to look at

Jesus Christ,

the God-man

who lived

a single life

and was not

sexually active

and was fully

displaying the glory

of God

in all that he did.

Not only do we see

that,

but we see

that he

commends

those who

choose singleness,

who become

eunuchs

for the sake

of the kingdom

of God,

who choose

singleness

for their

lifetime.

The apostle

Paul

in 1 Corinthians

7 seems to

say singleness

has a preference

because of the

single-mindedness

where you can

serve your life.

I was single

until I was 37.

I know the joy

of that focus.

I have also

experienced the joy

of living in a

family where now

I have a wife

and children

to take care of