Friendship

I remember quite distinctly the day I started school.

I was four years old.

My family was living in Paris at the time.

My parents dressed me up in the warm clothes required for school in Paris.

I had a bright coloured parka.

I was the only not French kid at my school.

I was pretty nervous about going to school.

My older brother had gone before me and he'd been beaten up for basically the first term of school in Paris.

And so I went with a fair amount of apprehension about what I would find when I got there.

And it went roughly as I expected.

I would sit in my class surrounded by people that I couldn't talk to or understand.

The teachers would politely try to interact with me, but they didn't speak English either.

And so they would kind of pat me on the head and leave me with paper and pencil to my own devices

because there wasn't much else that we could do.

At lunchtime, I was lucky enough to have my older sister in the same playground,

so at least I had someone to talk to briefly.

But I do remember just feeling a profound sense of loneliness,

just feeling completely isolated, like there was no one who cared or who could care,

even if they wanted to, because I couldn't communicate with them.

And it's not just when we start school or start a new school or go into a new environment

that we can feel that kind of loneliness and isolation.

I think that for many of us, it's something that can be true of us right now.

It can be true in a very familiar situation.

It can be true in a school that you've been at for years.

You can feel lonely in an office that's crowded with people.

You can feel lonely, exercising in a crowded gym, sitting on a crowded train, even sitting in a crowded church.

You can still feel lonely and isolated.

And I imagine that in a room this size that there would be some people who are sitting here right now

and that's exactly how you feel.

You want friends, you want to connect, but you don't feel like it's happening.

That desire for connection drives us.

It's not like we just sit there and feel sorry for ourselves.

We spend our lives trying to satisfy that longing.

We grab onto solutions which usually don't deliver.

Deep down, what we're crying out for is friendship.

Even if we wouldn't use that word, that's ultimately what we want.

We want connection and we want intimacy and that's what friendship is designed for.

That's the whole point.

Friendship is a good thing.

Friendship is something we want.

Friendship is something we need.

But friendship is also something that's difficult.

It's something that's hard to grab hold of.

I've had a number of conversations with people of varying ages within our church family and outside recently

who have all lamented how hard it is to make and keep friends.

Maybe it was easier when you were younger, but as you get older,

suddenly you have a smaller pool of people, you have less opportunity, you get busier.

And so we feel the pain of loneliness and isolation.

And yet friendship is good.

Friendship is desirable.

Friendship is needed.

So what wisdom does God's word offer us in dealing with this loneliness?

Well, firstly, I think it's worth us understanding a bit about the nature of friendship.

We sometimes like to blur the lines between the different relationships that we have in life.

We collapse all the categories down into friendship.

And so, you know, my wife is my friend.

My barista is my friend.

My hairdresser is my friend.

My siblings are my friends.

My friends are my friends.

And we kind of just roll them all up in one category,

even though there's clearly a distinction between the way I relate to my wife

and the way I relate to the person who cuts my hair.

There's a difference in connection.

There's a difference in interaction.

And yet we sometimes treat them like they're just one.

Now, friendship is going to be probably part of all those different relationships.

But there's something that makes friendship friendship.

There's something unique and specific to friendship.

And as we dig into Proverbs, we need to understand what that is

if we're going to actually get better at doing friendship.

Now, it's helpful if you think about friendship as journeying.

As walking side by side, as being on a journey towards a destination together in partnership.

When we think about romantic relationships, we think about being face to face.

But friendship is that sense where rather than being obsessed with one another,

you have a common interest.

You have an object of your friendship.

You have a foundation or a connection point.

And this is what Jimmy talked about last week.

When we were looking at friendship, Jimmy said that all friendships have a connection point.

They have a common interest.

They have something that drew you together, whether it's your work or a hobby or something.

And if you take that basis away, you effectively remove the friendship.

Unless you can replace it with another common interest, if you take that common thing away,

the relationship is gone.

The friendship is broken.

And what that means practically is that you can't create a friendship.

You can't manufacture one.

I mean, friendships are discovered.

Because if it's an interest or a passion that connects you, you discover that somebody shares that.

You can't fake an interest or a passion in order to get friends because it doesn't really work like that.

It might work for a period, but soon the energy will die out.

You won't put the effort that's required in and suddenly the relationship begins to break.

Friendship is the result of passions.

Friendship is the result of interests.

Friendship is the result of the things that you hold to be true when you discover those same things in someone else.

So if you chase friendship, if as a lonely person your solution is I just need a friend,

and you go after somebody to be your friend, you'll probably find people that are willing to spend time with you,

maybe because they're caring or generous or nice.

But without that common point of interest, that relationship is going to be like a fire without oxygen.

It can never actually spark.

It can never actually be a friendship where you guys share something because you don't have anything to share.

You just want a friend.

Friendship is about journeying to somewhere.

It's about getting to a destination.

And it's the result of connection points.

It's something you stumble upon.

It's not planned neatly.

There's either something to connect you or there's not.

The foundation either exists or it doesn't and you cannot manufacture it.

But that said, discovering a friendship is not enough either.

True friendship needs to be, once it's discovered, nurtured, invested in, built.

And Proverbs gives us the picture of what that might look like.

You can think of this as almost like a checklist of what a good friendship will require,

what a good friend would look like.

And I think Proverbs points us to at least four characteristics.

There could be more in there, but I want to focus on four tonight.

The first one is good friends are constant.

Proverbs 17, 17 says,

A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Friendships take time to grow.

That's normal.

All relationships take time and take investment and good friends give you the time so that the

relationship can grow.

You might click with somebody and just, it feels like you're the exact same person, but

if you never see each other, if you're never there with one another, the relationship doesn't

have a chance to develop.

Now, it's easy to surround yourself with the friends who love to gain something from you,

friends who benefit because maybe you're an entertaining person to be around.

Maybe you're generous financially.

For that person, you're just a means to an end.

That's not the same as a friend.

Proverbs 19 tells us that many curry favor with a ruler and everyone is the friend of

one who gives gifts.

When there's benefit, great.

But when there's not, verse 7, the poor are shunned by all their relatives.

How much more do their friends avoid them?

Though the poor pursue them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found.

See, fair-weather friends, fake friends if you like, love the benefit of a relationship

that you have.

But they disappear when being a friend will start to cost.

When being a friend will involve some sort of sacrifice.

See, friendship requires the constancy that isn't dictated to by circumstance.

Friendship requires being there in the good and the bad.

The up and the down.

And when we're struggling, we need friends more than ever.

And those friends are the hard ones to find.

When life's good, people will hang around.

They'll gather.

It's great.

But what about when you're not much fun to be around?

What about when you're feeling depressed?

Now, I think there's two sides to this challenge.

Because most of us would probably say that we are the kind of friend that would be there.

We would say that we're happy to do what's required.

We even verbalise it out loud.

We make offers like, is there anything you need?

Is there anything I can do?

Let me know if I can help in some way.

But often that's where it stops.

Just at words.

Offers.

Because either we're the fair-weather friends who go missing when there would actually be the requirement

to follow through on that promise.

You know, we've got things going on in our own life.

We've got our own struggles.

We assume maybe someone else is helping them.

Maybe someone else is better equipped to help them.

And so we just kind of fade into the background and hope they don't notice.

Or we're sure we would be there in the hard time.

But we weren't there in the good time.

So we don't know that it's a hard time.

We're not actually close enough to know what's going on for someone to be able to put a hand up and offer help.

Because people aren't walking around with signs saying, I'm doing it tough right now.

You need to have the close relationship where you've spent time in the good and easy period

to know that things are maybe not as good as they have been.

Constancy means the good, the bad, the up, the down, always around.

Because what constancy gives us is its training for those extreme difficult times.

It's the little acts of helping that are training us for the significant acts of sacrifice.

So it's the little act of buying someone dinner because they just needed to hang out with someone

or their wallet was empty or whatever it is that prepares you for then sitting with somebody next to a hospital bed.

The little acts train us for the demands that will come,

which means we need to be there when only little acts are required as well.

Good friends are constant friends.

I had an older pastor give me some helpful advice a few years ago when it comes to caring for people in need.

I had a friend who was dealing with the grief of losing somebody that they loved

and I didn't really know how to engage them.

They were a friend.

I knew they were in pain.

I knew they were struggling.

I'd said all those things.

I'm there for you.

Is there anything you need?

But they didn't have the space to answer that with any substance.

And so I just didn't know what to do.

And the advice was just turn up.

Knock on the door.

Be okay with them sending you away and saying,

I can't handle your company right now,

but at least move the question of,

are you that constant friend or was it just words?

Show them that you are there.

Prove your availability.

Turn up and be there in whatever way it is that they need.

Maybe the first step for us,

the first struggle for us in getting good at friendships

is that we need to put our money where our mouth is

and just be with the people that we care about.

We actually need to make the decision to clear the space.

We're all busy.

We're all pressed for time.

But to say these people matter enough

that I'm going to sacrifice something else to be available for these people.

Friends are constant.

Secondly, friends are also careful.

Let me show you what I mean.

Proverbs 25, 17 says,

Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house.

Too much of you and they will hate you.

Now, I just told you to just turn up,

be there all the time.

And now Proverbs is pushing slightly in the other direction

and saying, don't turn up too much or you'll be annoying.

And that's not going to build a good friendship.

Don't be the friend who overstays their welcome.

We've got to understand that God has created people differently.

That there's not a one size fits all model of how to do friendship.

We all need friends,

whether we're introverted or extroverted or somewhere in the middle.

We all need friends.

But what friendship looks like with different people will be different.

Some people can hang out 24-7, night after night, day after day,

and never get tired of one another.

But some other people who genuinely love their friends

also need a bit of time to withdraw and be alone.

And carefulness is the wisdom to recognize what kind of friend you have.

Carefulness is the investment in them to not just want to hang out

because you want to hang out,

but to want to do what's going to best benefit them.

What's going to be a blessing on your friend?

A friend knows their friend well enough

to be able to provide that which best fits the individual.

Verse 14 of chapter 27 says,

If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning,

it will be taken as a curse.

Blessing sounds like such a good idea,

but if you're not a morning person

and somebody knocks on your door just to tell you how great you are

and that they love you,

you're going to want to punch them.

Have the wisdom to recognize who it is that you are friends with,

to understand what it looks like to bless them.

Now, this carefulness is like an emotional investment in your friend.

It's a connection between friends

where your happiness and your sadness are impacted

and even almost somewhat dependent or affected

by the happiness and sadness of your friend.

You're so connected to them and the way that they're journeying

but that it matters to you.

You carry each other.

When they're sad, you feel that sadness.

You carry that weight.

When they're happy, it lifts you up,

even out of a difficult and dark day.

It's at the point where it's almost like you can't be happy

when your friend is in deep, deep pain.

Proverbs 25 says,

You might have that person in your life

who doesn't read your emotions very well,

who doesn't have the awareness or doesn't care enough

and just rubs their good days in on your bad days.

Just celebrates their wins

regardless of what pain you might be walking through.

That's not how friendship works.

That's not good friendship.

Friends carry your emotional weight like it's theirs.

Now, and this is important.

This is why it's actually hard to have a lot of friends.

It's good to have lots of people that we are friendly with,

that we know, that we see regularly.

But this kind of friendship takes a real commitment and investment.

And it would be unwise to take on a whole bunch of these friendships

because you would drown in carrying the struggles

of all the people that you had committed to.

It's actually good and right and okay and wise.

to have a few rich, deep, connected friendships,

which I think for a lot of us is more than we have right now.

A lot of us might not even feel like we have the one person

who fits this bill.

Friends are constant and friends are careful.

And because of that,

friends can be candid as well.

There's a temptation in relationships

to only ever affirm the person

that we're in a relationship with.

We have this fear that, you know,

being harsh or being too direct

might somehow push them away.

But I'm assuming that if you have any friends at all,

at least some of them annoy you some of the time.

They have at least some annoying habits.

They have at least something that they do

that you just despise and it irritates you.

Maybe, you know, it could be anything from

insisting on speeding whenever they drive

and making you feel unsafe in the car with them.

It could be gossiping about somebody

who is not their friend but you care about.

I don't know what it is,

but we're all imperfect people

and we all have annoying habits

and there's a good chance that those you call friends

irritate you sometimes.

The question is,

have you had the uncomfortable conversation

with them about it?

Have you said,

I don't like it when you do this?

Or if it's something illegal like speeding,

it's probably not a great idea for you either.

And don't get me wrong,

this is uncomfortable.

I'm not saying if you're friends,

you should just be able to do this

and it's easy and it's happy

and everyone smiles while you tell them

that there's something bad about their personality.

It's like Ali was sharing earlier,

you know, when you get that harsh word of criticism

or feedback,

it can be painful.

But it's that sort of constructive honesty

that friends give.

Proverbs 29 tells us that

those who flatter their neighbours

are spreading nets for their feet.

I don't know if you guys have been watching

the beginning of X Factor

that's just started again.

I watched the encore on last night

and it amazes me every year.

It shouldn't because it always happens,

but it amazes me every year

some of the people who get up

and can't sing

but have been deluded

by unhelpful friends

who have told them that they can sing

all the way to the point

of being ridiculed on national television.

These people walk onto a stage

in front of a huge room full of people,

let alone thousands and thousands of people

in their homes watching

and as soon as they start,

you know that this has got to be

some sort of joke.

You just assume this is a prank.

Someone's put them up to it.

But then, you know,

the judges are giggling

but you see at the end,

they're upset.

They genuinely believed

they were an amazing singer

and the reason is

because when they walk off the stage,

there's family and there's friends.

Now the judges don't know

what they're talking about.

You don't give up your dream.

You're going to be a famous singer.

No, you're not.

You cannot sing.

That doesn't make you a bad person.

Not everyone can sing.

It's okay.

Just tell them.

It's not loving.

It's not good.

You're not helping them.

You're setting them up for a fall.

When we have friendships

where all we do is just,

you're great

and just affirm even bad things

in those that we care about,

we actually set them up for a fall.

We set them, a trap for them.

In chapter 27,

we hear that wounds from a friend

can be trusted

but it's the enemy

who multiplies kisses.

If all you do is flatter your friend,

you are not a friend.

Now they are wounds.

The truth spoken even in love

can wound

but that's part of being a good friend.

That's part of desiring

what's best for your friend

rather than just what's easiest

and most comfortable for you.

There's truth in the line

that Oscar Wilde said,

a true friend stabs you in the front.

We might struggle to speak the truth

when it needs to be spoken

but equally,

we might not be the friends

who've earned permission

to speak the truth in the first place.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted

but part of what makes them trustworthy

is that you're the friend,

is that you have the careful,

the constant relationship,

that you are connected enough

to not just speak

into somebody's personal space

but to actually open up

and share your own as well.

To actually be vulnerable

and candid

and share your weaknesses

and your fears

and your failures

because it's much safer

to be challenged

by somebody who you know

struggles just like you.

It's much easier to hear

rebuke and correction

from somebody who you know

is walking the same road with you

rather than somebody

who's sitting in the grandstand

and hasn't actually let you know

and they're just pointing

into your life.

Just love to let you know

where you're failing

and where you're weak.

Friendship needs to be open

and honest

and vulnerable

because from that place

it's safe

to be candid.

It's safe to speak

the truth in love.

Friends are candid.

Friends are constant.

Friends are careful.

And lastly

friends give counsel.

Last week

in Roxy's Kids Talk

we were reminded

that bad company

corrupts good character.

That for good

or for ill

your friends

are influencing

who you are.

You're becoming

progressively like them

caring about

what they care about

doing what they do.

And Proverbs

encourages us

because of that fact

to choose our friends

wisely.

Remembering that

there's an end game.

Jimmy read out for us

chapter 27

verse 17

as iron sharpens iron

so one person

sharpens another.

The point of relationship

is to be sharpened.

It's to move forward.

It's not just to sit there

roughly the same

doing the same stuff.

But the question is

what kind of friends

do we need

if we're going to get sharpened?

What kind of friends

do we need

if we're going to grow

if we're going to move forward?

Who has the capacity

to give the good counsel?

Well when we're choosing

friends

I think we need

two things.

And just to clarify

I've already said

you can't make friends

you can only discover them

but when you're figuring out

which ones to invest in

having discovered

some foundation

you need two things.

You need both affinity

and you need friction.

Now the affinity

is going to take care

of itself.

I mean we only ever

begin friendships

with people

who are like us

in some way.

From the same background

they're into the same hobby

whatever it is

we gravitate

to the same people

and that's good and right

but what about friction?

Now the image

of iron sharpening iron

implies friction.

That's how sharpening happens.

It's almost like

the image of God

refining us

in fire like gold.

There's a bit of pain

in there

that you can hear

but it's good pain.

It's pain for an outcome

and now the friction

is not the same

as opposition.

It's not wise

to go and pick friends

who hate you

and who want to cause you

trouble and pain.

That's not what I mean

by friction.

You do need friends

who as well as being

like you in some way

are also different

to you in some way.

I have a friend

in Singapore

named Roger.

I've done ministry

with him on and off

over the last eight years.

We both love Jesus.

We both are pastors

and that's about

where the similarities end.

Roger's from

a different country.

He's got different

cultural heritage.

He speaks

different languages.

We don't like

the same sports

or music.

We have different

philosophies even

of how to do ministry

as pastors

and yet often

after spending

a couple of days

with Roger

I come home

really refreshed

because what he does

is he speaks

fresh perspective

into my life.

He looks at my life

without all the blind spots

that I've built up.

Without the blind spots

that people who are

just like me

will also have

when they're looking

at my life.

He looks at my life

and gives me

wise counsel

and advice.

He challenges

my assumption

and it's our difference

that actually makes

our friendship strong.

Now this totally

works against

everything that is

built into the way

you have learnt

to do friendship

in your life.

Basically from birth

you are herded

into like groups.

When you're a baby

you're put in

a bubs group

with kids that are

born in the same month.

Like we start

really early on.

You go to school

and you are limited

to people in the same age

as you and generally

you'll sit on tables

with kids of the same

gender as you

because you don't want

to mix too early on

until you know

what you're doing.

You grow up

and then as an adult

you get a job

with people

who like doing

the same job as you

and you do hobbies

that are exclusive hobbies

that by definition

attract people

like you

because you both

like the same thing.

This is the wonder

of the gospel.

It totally ignores that

and goes in the other direction.

The gospel draws people

together who are

nothing alike

and connects them

for eternity

because of Jesus.

Friendship is completely

reimagined,

reunderstood,

redesigned

because of what Jesus

does in the cross.

And so the challenge

for us

as followers

of Jesus

is to not only

invest in the people

here

who also

happen to be

similar to us.

The key connection

point is Jesus.

If you are following

Jesus,

if you're a Christian,

you are already

eternally connected

to every other person

in this room

who is also following

Jesus as an inner Christian

which means you have

the foundation

for a friendship.

Consider that discovery

and it means that

you can invest

in anyone

who fits that bill here

and there is the potential

for friendship

but the trap

we've got to be careful of

is we go,

fantastic,

here's a room full

of potential friends

because of Jesus,

now let me find

the ones who also

like the same music as me,

happen to be

in the same life stages

as me,

happen to speak

the same language

as me,

we take the Jesus bit

and go,

yeah but you know

it would be really helpful

if they were already

just like me.

But what if God

has designed

a friendship

that will bless you

incredibly

with the not obvious

person in this room?

What if God

has put together

somebody who is

nothing like you

so that by building

a friendship

you could gather

incredible wisdom

that you would never

discover

if you're just

surrounded by people

who echo

exactly what you think?

There could be

rich friendship

on offer

in this community

with somebody

who is no one

like you

but eternally

connected to you

at the same time.

Proverbs paints

a pretty incredible

picture of friendship.

friends that would

be constant,

friends that would

be careful,

friends that would

be vulnerable

with us

and candid

with us

and speak the truth,

friends that would

give counsel

but I wonder

how that picture

makes you feel.

Does it make you

grieve the fact

that those

aren't your friends?

Does it make you

grieve the fact

that actually

as you look around

maybe you don't

have anybody

that even fits

the category

friend?

Lots of people

you know,

people you spend

time with

but nobody

who fits

into this

kind of deep

connection.

Or do you

look at this

picture and feel

insecure and

inadequate in

your own

friendships?

Like are you

nervous sitting

here because you

think that the

friends in the

room are suddenly

holding you up

against this

standard and you

know you don't

measure up?

both of those

responses are

probably completely

appropriate.

Your friends

won't fit this

bill.

Even in their

best attempts

they won't be

perfectly constant,

careful,

candid and

neither will you.

But there is

hope for

friendship.

friendship.

Jesus offers us

a friendship

that fits this

bill and more.

Friendship is one

of the words that

is used to

describe the way

that God relates

to those who

follow him.

When Jesus

forecasts his

death in John

15 he says

greater love has

no one than

this to lay

down one's

life for one's

friends.

Jesus calls

friends those

who follow him.

Jesus chooses

friends not because

they're good friends,

not because they're

faithful friends,

not because they

fit those four

characteristics.

Romans tells us

that while we're

still sinners

Christ died for

us.

Jesus chooses

enemies and

makes them

friends.

Jesus sits on

the receiving

end of dodgy

friendship and

yet remains

faithful and

constant and

careful and

candid.

And because he

loves you at

that point,

because he's

your friend at

that point,

he gives you

security in his

friendship to

say that he is

going to be there

always.

If he is

there while you

are his

enemy,

there's nothing

that's going to

make him walk

away.

And so you

can be secure.

That deep,

awkward,

uncomfortable,

painful,

lonely feeling

can be dealt

with here,

can be satisfied

in Jesus because

he says,

I love you,

I forgive you,

I've drawn you

into friendship

with me and

nothing can

change that.

Jesus is the

friend who

knows us at

our worst,

knows our

deepest secrets

and yet remains

constant in

his love,

his goodness,

his patience,

his graciousness,

his rebuke and

his discipline.

Now,

loneliness is

real and it

hurts, but

Jesus died so

that you didn't

have to be

lonely.

Jesus died so

that you could

have him with

you always,

even in your

deep, dark

failure moments.

And the reality

is he's the

only one who's

constant and

careful enough,

who's candid

enough to

actually satisfy

that longing

that you feel.

Now,

it's not to

say that our

friendships with

one another are

unimportant,

they have their

place,

but they can't

stand up under

the pressure

of meeting

that need

that you

have that

drives you

to seek

friends.

If you

expect your

friendships to

satisfy that

longing, you

will crush

your friends

with expectation.

You'll crush

them with a

pressure that

they can't

stand up

under.

Even if they

try really

hard, there

will be a

time when

they're not

there and

you need

them.

Even if

they try

really hard,

there will

be a

time where

they totally

miss some

dark season

that you're

in and

steamroll over

it with the

joy that

they're experiencing

in their

life.

They're not

trying to be

harsh, but

they're just

not perfect.

They're going to

fall short.

If we expect

our friends to

meet this need

in us, we

will crush

them.

And then we'll

crush ourselves

with the

disappointment

that comes.

But Jesus

will never

fail.

Jesus will

never leave.

Jesus will

always love

and in

him there's

hope for

our

friendships

too.

When we

have him

as foundation,

when the

longing for

connection and

love is

already met

because Jesus

loves us

constantly,

then we get

to release

our friends

from the

pressure of

having to

meet that

in us.

And suddenly

we can enjoy

and be blessed

by their

versions and

their attempts

of being

constant.

Even though

it's not the

perfect constancy

we crave,

we've already

got that in

Jesus.

And so

suddenly a

friendship that

fell short a

few moments

ago can be

rich and

deep and

satisfying because

they're a

fellow journeyer

with us.

They are

equally in

need of

grace and

forgiveness.

And because

of Jesus we

can give it.

Because we're

not alone

anymore.

Because we

don't have to

be driven by

that fear

anymore.

Jesus enables

us to give

forgiveness and

find comfort

even when

friendships break

down or

end.

When we

have him as

our constant

friend,

there's hope

for our

friendships here

too.

Now just

before I

finish, I

want to say

something about

friendships with

non-Christians.

Where does

that fit in

all this?

We've talked

about Jesus

being the

foundation,

the sufficient

connection

point for

amazing

friendships with

people who

are nothing

like us,

but we

don't connect

with non-Christians

around Jesus.

We connect

around a sport

we love or

music we enjoy

or whatever

else it is,

and they're

good things,

they're valid.

So where does

this non-Christian

friendship fit in

here?

Let me say two

things.

Firstly,

friendship is

good.

And so if you

find a friend

who is constant

and careful

and candid and

gives you good

counsel who

doesn't know

Jesus,

then that's

great.

If that

friendship is

beneficial in

your life,

that is good.

And thank

God for that.

He gave it

to you.

But I

would say

that Christian

friendship or

spiritual friendship

where Jesus is

the basis of

our connection

has built

into it the

capacity to be

better.

I'm not saying

if you've had a

friend since you

were born who's

a non-Christian

that the

Christian that

you start

developing a

friendship with

today is going

to suddenly be

on par.

You know,

time's a big

factor in this.

But my point

is the capacity

for this

friendship to be

amazing is far

inferior to the

capacity of this

one.

Because for those

who are a

Christian, God

is what matters

most.

God's glory is

what matters

most.

Now I know we

fail at that and

we struggle at that,

but that's what

God is doing.

He's growing our

heart to love

him more than

anything else.

For the non-Christian,

I don't know what

matters most.

It could be

different for

different people.

But in a

relationship between

a Christian and

a non-Christian,

necessarily what

matters most to

you will be

different.

And that means

no matter how

much other parts

of your life that

you share,

a huge part of

you will always

be removed.

from that

friendship.

A huge part of

you cannot be

shaped and

guided and

encouraged in

that friendship.

It's not to

say don't have

non-Christian

friends, but it

is to say if

you're a

Christian, you

need Christian

friends.

You need

them.

They're the

ones who can

shape and

guide you.

They're the

ones who can

encourage you.

They're the

ones who have

the constant

eternal context

for a friendship

that Jimmy

talked about

last week.

They're God's

gift to you.

All that

brings us to

the very final

challenge.

If we want

these friendships,

if we want

friends who we're

blessed by and

who we can be a

blessing to, but

we don't have

them, what do

we do?

How do we move

from here?

Well, if you

want friendship,

you want intimacy,

you want

connection, wisdom

and the

Christian

says, be a

friend.

Find someone

else who's

following Jesus.

That's the

discovering a

foundation bit.

Hot tip, this

room is full of

them.

Once you've

found them,

invest.

Be constant.

Be careful.

Be candid.

Give counsel.

Be honest.

Be vulnerable.

Speak the

truth in love.

Walk the

Christian journey

of failing and

finding grace

again.

The ups and

downs.

Invest.

Making friends

is scary because

we don't know if

the investment is

going to be

matched or if

we're going to

try really hard

and at the

end still be

lonely.

But because of

Jesus, we're

released from

that fear.

Even if we

don't get the

investment

reciprocated,

even if the

end point is we

don't have an

amazing friendship

with this person,

the worst case

scenario is

you are

eternally

loved by

the saviour

of the

world.

Worst case,

you eternally

have the

best friend

that there

is.

Can you

see how

the fear

is kind

of removed

there?

You don't

have to

feel lonely

anymore.

It doesn't

mean it

won't be

hard if a

friend rejects

you or if

a friendship

breaks down.

But because

of Jesus,

you're

released to

be the

one who

takes the

first step,

who makes

the first

move,

who takes

the risk

and invests.

Invest in

a brother or

sister in

this room,

outside of

this room,

someone who

loves Jesus

and see

how God

might bless

you.

Invest in

someone who's

nothing like

you but who

shares the

most important

thing in

common and

see how God

might bless

you.

God

will

love you.

Let's

pray.

Father God,

we want to

acknowledge that

for many of

us the pain

of loneliness

is something

that we

experience with

a harsh

reality each

and every

day.

We want

to admit

that often

we are

hurt by

our imperfect

friendships.

Often we

go looking

for the

loneliness to

be met in

places that

are not

you.

God,

we want

to thank

you that

in Jesus

we have

absolute

confidence

that you

are constant,

that your

love is

constant,

that your

grace is

sufficient.

Father,

we pray in

those dark

moments that

you would

open our

eyes to

see all

that you

are, to

be conscious

of your

presence with

us and

your goodness

to us.

Father,

we pray that

you might fill

us with the

security in

your love and

in your

friendship that

we are able

to be released

to be good

friends,

released to

invest and

sacrifice and

make the

costly decisions

to be a

blessing to

those that

you place in

our sphere.

God, I

pray that if

there are

people in

this room who

right now

would sit

and say

there's not

a single

person who

I would

call friend,

God, I

pray that you

would open

our eyes to

see one

another, to

see the

opportunities

that are in

front of us

and to step

out and be

a friend.

Thank you

for Jesus.

Thank you

for his

incredible

love which

surpasses any

loss or

inadequacy or

need within

us.

God, so

fill us that

we might be a

significant blessing

on all we

encounter.

Amen.