Spiritual Friendship

welcome to St Paul's. Let me add my welcome to those of Nick's and others. My name's Steve. I've

never met you before. I'm the lead pastor here at St Paul's and we're, as Nick has indicated,

we are partway through our vision series. So we've got the St Paul's app. If you want to

jump online, there's an outline for today's message and also keep your Bibles open there

in Galatians 5. I'm focusing more on 6 in this message today. Loneliness and actual isolation

have become a real epidemic in the 21st century. They were certainly concerns before the arrival

of COVID-19 and the lockdowns around that, but they have certainly, these issues have been

exacerbated since COVID-19. Social isolation and loneliness are among the many factors

that are known to be detrimental for a person's well-being, sense of well-being. They are in fact

known to be harmful for not just mental health, but also for physical health as well. And the irony of

all that is that we are apparently more connected than we've ever been in any history in the world,

any time in history. Connected via the internet and social media, and yet more socially isolated

and lonely. Every time there's a census, these numbers continue to rise. And of course, the increase

of wealth in general has not in any way matched with an increase in personal happiness.

The sad reality of our lives is that as we have been speeding up and speeding up and speeding up,

for many of us, our friendships and our connections, personal relationships, have not been able to

keep pace with that. And the amazing bit in all this is the largest group that is experiencing social

isolation and loneliness in our city are those between 15 and 24 years of age. You know, the ones who are

constantly on social media, who have got more friends on social media than, well, I do.

As of 2022, 17% of males and 15% of females aged between 15 and 24 were experiencing loneliness and

isolation. That's the group that we call next gen, the next generation here, the youth and young adults

of this church. If this is a sad aspect of modern life in general, it is even sadder for Christians.

Christians. We need each other in order to grow into what God has saved us for. So one of the things I've

been saying throughout this series is that there is often a gap between the great truths of the Christian

faith and what they declare and the lives that such great truths should produce. There's often a gap.

That is, we can believe great things, but our character and our priorities are no different from those who

don't believe those great things. And what we need is grace-fuelled rhythms, which is what this series is

about. We need spiritual disciplines. We need holy habits. Christian practices to push those truths down

from the mind into the heart in such a way that we approach our lives and the world and society entirely

differently. And this is why I think friendship is a spiritual discipline more than just a helpful idea

to guard your mental health and your physical health. It is a godly habit as well as a good habit

in which we sharpen each other's thinking, harden one another's resolve to continue to follow Christ

and soften one another's heart to God's word and his will for our lives. So I've got three points on the

screen. This is going to be the journey for us today. First of all, made for relationships.

The primary reason why spiritual friendship is a Christian discipline is that we need in order to

become all that God has called us to in Jesus is that we were actually created for relationship.

That is, it's in our very DNA. It's part of our design. And now I preached a sermon about this last year

in Genesis. So because you're all familiar with that joke. I won't go over it all. But you can go back

to that in Genesis last year and have a read of that. It's called Created for Relationship, I think.

I mean, it's pretty, anyway. The quick summary of it is that on page two of the Bible, it says,

in all the creation accounts, the only time where God creates and he says it is not good is in the

creation of humanity and with Adam being alone. Genesis 2.25 is the only place where God says

something that he's made is described as not good. That is, there's something not good about Adam.

It's not that he's got a design flaw. God did not make a mistake. Adam is in paradise. He is in

perfection. And yet there is still something missing. The missing piece is that we as humanity is made in

the image of a God who is an us, not a me. Adam was made in the image of an eternal community, the one God,

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, three persons in one. Saint Augustine said that the Trinity

is the only version of God and ultimate reality in any religion or philosophical system

that has personal relationship at its very heart. Only the God of Christianity is himself a community.

God is a self-sufficient, self-sustaining community. Three persons delighting in each other and loving

each other and serving each other in absolute perfect unity so that they move as one and yet distinctively

three. Only in the Trinity do we see that personal relationship is primary, not secondary.

They, personal relationship is not a means to an end. They are at the very center of reality and of life.

And I mentioned back, you probably won't need to go and watch it now, but I mentioned back then there are three broad categories of relationships.

We need deep relationship with God. We need deep relationship with another human being and we need deep relationship with people who are different than us.

That is, we cannot grow to be like the God in whose image we are made without community.

We cannot be wiser, more loving, courageous, more joyful, stable without the community of God and his people collectively moving in obedience to the God in whose image we are made.

We need that together.

We love to guard our privacy. We like to hold commitment to any groups at an arm's length.

We prefer relationships that don't challenge us, that don't stretch us, that don't cost us too much.

That's our preference.

In fact, I've recently read one sociologist said the only relationship that is left in modern Western society that is not transactional in that you are stuck with it legally and emotionally is parenting.

And he said, that's why so many people are choosing to have dogs rather than kids.

You know, your dog eats your best pair of shoes and you can just take it to the vet.

Like literally, I mean, it just transactional.

Every other relationship is transactional except parenting.

You're stuck with it.

We prefer relationships that don't challenge us or stretch us too much.

And so we stay spiritually, emotionally and relationally immature.

And what's interesting is that in ancient times, friendship was regarded as the most virtuous of all relationships.

In our modern age, we regard our sexual relationships as the most virtuous of all relationships.

Our identity is attached to sexuality.

In ancient times, it's an entirely different thing.

Friendship, the greatest in the sense that you have family relationships whether you like it or not.

Like you don't choose that.

You don't choose who your family is.

It just happens to you.

Even in modern times, we would say that we fell in love.

It's kind of something that happened to us rather than something that we might have wanted it, but it just could have happened to us.

In ancient times, there was a range of marriages.

It wasn't something that it just happened to you.

And so they regarded that friendship was the greatest, the most virtuous.

Because it doesn't happen unless you intentionally work at it.

And in that sense, they thought it was the most virtuous of relationships because it was the relationship you had to work at.

The practice of friendship for the Christian is something that they extend to the whole Christian community.

Now, of course, there are all kinds of levels of intensity to it.

You know, Jesus had the crowds of people who followed him.

He had his 12 disciples who he chose who were with him at every moment.

And there were those who were particularly close to him.

Even there's Peter, James and John.

He's three best mates, if you like.

But John was his bestest of his best mates.

Read John's gospel.

The disciple whom Jesus loved.

He's referring to himself.

Don't know what the rest of them thought about that when that was published.

But, you know.

But despite the practice of friendship being more intense with some,

we are to practice the discipline of friendship with all Christians in our church community.

Because that's what we were created for, but it's also what we were saved for, which is my next point.

Now, Galatians 6, which Merle just read out to us, doesn't actually use the word friendship.

But it does talk about the characteristics of Christian community and Christian relationship and Christian friendship.

And it gives us two main qualities of spiritual friendship that we are called to practice as a Christian community.

And they are dependability and transparency.

So, first of all, dependability.

A friend is someone who is always there for you.

Galatians 6.2 says,

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Now, if we see someone carrying a heavy load, you know, arms full of shopping, out of the boot of the car, into the house,

the way that we assist them in carrying their load is not to, let me pray for you,

that you would have the strength and the energy to get that onto the kitchen bench.

I mean, that might be a contribution.

But that's not enough, is it?

The load has to transfer, some of the load has to transfer from them onto you to carry the burden.

Is that correct?

The burden has to shift.

You have to take some of the load.

Just praying for them, helpful.

Once you've done that, then get the burden and carry it.

If we take the time to listen to a person with an emotional burden, going again and again and again,

we will be drained, for instance.

What that happens is, someone with an emotional burden that you are taking the time to engage with

and listen to and listen to and be with and be with,

what ultimately happens is, some of their emotional burden drops onto you in such a way that you become drained yourself.

Drained.

We lose some of our own emotional resources in order for their emotional resource to be lifted.

Some of their suffering slides across onto us.

We are bearing some of their burden.

It's the same with financial burdens.

If someone has a financial burden, there is absolutely no way of bearing some of their burden

without losing some of our financial resources.

There's no other way.

The burden can't be lifted up without the other losing some of their resources.

And the great Jonathan Edwards said that in one of his sermons,

if we love to help them, if our statement is, I would so love to help them,

but frankly, I can't afford it.

What we're actually saying is, I can't help them without burdening myself.

And you say, well, that's exactly the point of radical generosity.

You ought to be burdened.

That's the point.

And that is exactly what Galatians 6.2 is calling the Christian community to.

To be a dependable friend is to allow some of the burden, the suffering of others,

to slide across onto us.

A true friend will stay beside you and allow some of your suffering to slide across onto them.

If they don't do that, if they don't do that, they may be an acquaintance.

They may be a sibling.

They may even be a spouse.

But they're not a friend.

Proverbs 18.24 says,

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,

but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

That is, it's possible to have siblings, parents, a spouse,

who is not a true friend.

Don't get me wrong.

They're still your brother.

They're still your sister.

They're still your parents.

They're still your spouse.

But if they don't stick with you in the depths of a burden

and carry some of that burden themselves,

then they're not a true friend.

And you can see why the ancients thought that friendship was the most virtuous.

Because a friend is always there, dependable, carrying the burdens.

So the first essence of friendship is one who sticks with the other

through thick and thin.

A true friend is always dependable.

The second one, second essence of true spiritual friendship

is transparency or it's vulnerability.

Now, what we have here, these are not words that are really used,

transparency not used or vulnerability not used in Galatians.

But what we have here is, if you like,

a case study of the transparent spiritual friendship in Galatians 6.

Verse 1.

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin,

you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently,

but watch yourselves or you also may be tempted.

So verse 1 describes a scenario

where a member of this Christian community

amongst the Galatians is caught in a sin.

Now, this verse is not saying,

let me just put a caveat here.

This verse is not saying

that as a Christian,

you have a responsibility,

you are commanded

to point out to everyone

where they are wronging,

where they are flawed,

where they are failing,

where they are sinning.

Like, that's not what this passage is saying at all.

And there is a lot of ways in the New Testament

where we are instructed not to be quick to criticise,

where we're instructed

that love

looks

many falls and failings

in one another.

1 Peter 4, 8,

1 Corinthians 13, 5,

and 13, 7, for instance.

This is quite specific.

It says that caught in a sin.

Now, that statement there

indicates that this particular sin

is a behavioural pattern.

It means that this particular sin

has got the upper hand of the person.

When it says caught in a sin,

it doesn't mean you've opened the doors.

Ah, I've caught you.

It means the person themselves

is trapped in a sin.

They're the ones who are caught.

Not that you've caught them,

but they themselves are caught.

It's a behavioural pattern

over and over and over again.

It's a habit of sinful behaviour

that the Christian

is not able to overcome

without the help of others.

They're trapped.

And in that sense,

this particular sin

is therefore harming them.

And because it's harming them,

it's harming other relationships

that they are part of.

So the spiritual friend

is neither quick to criticise

nor are they afraid to confront.

Notice who Paul says

is the spiritual friend here.

Brothers and sisters,

you who live by the Spirit.

This is not an instruction

that Paul says,

hey, by the way,

the pastors of Galatians

or the wardens

or the parish council

or just the community group leaders

of the Galatian church.

It's not some special group of Christians.

It's not just the leaders.

This is instruction to the brothers

and this is all the Christian community.

This is your all responsibility.

And what he's saying is

to be a true spiritual friend

in that moment

with someone who's caught in a sin,

habitual behaviours,

you come in to restore gently.

The word for restore

in the original New Testament language here

means to set back in place

a dislocated bone joint.

You know,

you've seen the,

you know,

you've got to yank it into place

and nowadays you get those green whistle things

and you go off into la-la land

and, you know,

doctors get their legs in

and, you know,

I think that's how they do it.

I mean,

according to Operation Ouch anyway.

What that means is

there's something dislocated,

there's something out of place,

there's something

that needs to be put right

and to put it right,

you need to inflict some pain

in order to bring healing.

That is,

the pain is a healing pain

that needs to be brought in.

The confrontation over the sin

will most likely be painful

but its goal is to bring

a change of heart and life

and healing.

That's the goal.

And so,

therefore,

the true spiritual friend

will be gentle.

The goal is to win over

for healing.

The key to ensuring

that there is gentleness

is in the last sentence

of verse one.

Watch yourselves

or you also may be tempted.

We can never be

a gentle,

spiritual friend

with the goal of healing

if we are tempted,

is what it's saying.

If we are tempted,

primarily,

here to be proud.

Tempted to take

the high moral ground

over someone

who has got

the dislocated joint.

Someone caught

in the sin.

Tempted to think

that

I'm not,

I would not,

I would never do that.

Tempted to think

that I'm not capable

of a similar sin

or even an equal sin.

Tempted to think

that I don't have

any dislocated joints

myself.

If we ever feel

that we are above

the person morally,

our air of superiority

will most certainly

come through

and we will destroy

not restore.

Another way

of putting that

is to restore humbly.

In other words,

the instruction here

is the same as Jesus.

Be more mindful

of the log

in your own eye

than the speck

in the other.

So the spiritual friend

is not afraid

to confront

but they also

don't enjoy it

either.

This spiritual friendship

is so essential

for personal transformation.

We cannot

change for good

into the image

of God

without spiritual friends.

And spiritual friendship

is so hard

and it is very difficult

because it might

not work.

The other person

might turn on you

and not like you

or they may even

want to hurt you.

And

that's the danger.

scarier.

But what is

even scarier

is that it might

actually work.

It might

actually work.

You see,

when we are

spiritual friends

to others,

we are giving

them permission

to be a spiritual

friend back to us.

And I wonder

if the reason

we might

give permission

for

or we

justify

so much

or we

ignore

so much

or we

overlook

the sin

and the

unrighteousness

of others

in the

Christian

community

so much

is

mostly

to do

with us,

not with

them.

It's mostly

to do

with we

actually

don't want

that level

of accountability

for ourselves

because it's

painful.

A true

spiritual

friend

always lets

you in

and doesn't

let you

down.

vulnerability,

transparency,

reliability,

dependability,

sticking closer

than even

family.

Now,

frankly,

that's the

kind of

friendship

we all

need.

But the

problem

with it

is

is that

we have

hearts

that are

so deeply

flawed,

flawed,

insecure,

and uncertain

of ourselves,

it's

always very

hard for us

to reach

out to

others

and start

that friendship

cycle.

Our

natural

self

is,

in fact,

afraid of

this level

of transparency.

We've all

got images

to maintain,

egos to

protect.

Our

natural

self

is also

selfish

because we

have been

taught for

many decades

in our

society that

you are the

most important

person in the

world.

world.

And the

way to

discover

yourself is

to look

inside

yourself,

truly you.

Our

natural

selves are

afraid of

transparency and

our natural

self is

selfish because

we don't

want to have

to give

that level

of dependability

to someone

else.

So we

don't like

dependability

and transparency.

The

transparency

and the

vulnerability

are unsettling,

the

dependability

is

onerous,

too scared

and too

selfish to

be a true

spiritual

friend.

Much

easier to

have

hundreds

of

Facebook

friends,

hundreds of

Facebook

friends

that you

can pause

actually for

30 days if

you so

choose or

unfollow or

just send an

emoji when

they're having

a rough patch.

Much

easier.

chapter 5

verse 26

refers to

our heart

issues.

Let us

not become

conceited,

provoking and

envying each

other.

The word

conceit

there means

to be

hungry for

glory.

It means

I'm always

hungry for

glory because

I have

such a

deep,

deep need

for affirmation

and approval.

That's what

the word

conceit

means.

So if a

person who

is insecure

and unsure

of their

own self

worth,

constantly

needing

approval and

when it

comes, that

approval that

comes is

never enough,

it's just a

bottomless pit,

then what that

means is we

tend to move

out into our

friendships and

other relationships

in two ways.

we provoke

them, that

is we

lord it

over them,

or we

envy them,

which is to

feel inferior

to others.

Exploiting and

using others

rather than

being a true

friend is all

an attempt to

fill that

hole of the

fragile identity.

both of them

are doing

exactly the

same thing.

Can't do the

criticism because

the ego is

too fragile,

can't do the

dependability

because it

doesn't fill up

my ego,

unless of

course the

ego that

needs to be

filled up is

the affirmation

that I need to

receive from

others that I

am a true

helper and a

friend.

That is,

you've got the

idolatry of

being a

helper.

In that case,

if you have,

if your

affirmation is

constantly coming

from being that

person who is

always there,

if that's your

affirmation,

then ultimately

you are moving

into the

burden,

not to lighten

their burden,

but to feel

your sense of

worthlessness.

It's you.

It's about you.

You're using the

burden for your

own glory.

Now, this does

not have to be the

case for the

Christian.

verses 3 and

4, chapter 6,

they are quite

remarkable.

If anyone thinks

they are something

when they are

not, they

deceive themselves.

Each one should

test their own

actions.

Then they can

take pride in

themselves alone

without comparing

themselves to

anyone else.

See, I don't

know, you put

those two verses

together, verse 1

says, the

Christian is

nothing.

You think

you're something

when you're

not?

Christian is

nothing.

Verse 4, Paul

calls them to be

proud of

themselves.

I mean, what

category do you

put that in?

The Christian

knows that they

are more sinful

and unworthy

than they ever

imagined, and

therefore transparency

should not be a

problem.

And at the same

time, they are

more loved and

affirmed than

they ever dreamed,

and so defendability

should not be a

problem.

our sinfulness

humbles us out

of selfishness, and

God's approval of

us in Jesus

affirms us out of

our fear of

transparency.

Then we can be a

true spiritual

friend.

So, last point,

empowered for

spiritual friendship.

Where do we get

the power to be

that kind of

friend?

amongst our

brothers and

sisters here at

St. Paul's in

this Christian

community?

The answer is

verse 2.

Carry each

other's burdens,

and in this

way, you will

fulfil the law

of Christ.

The reason we

are commanded

here to carry

each other's

burdens is

because it

fulfills the

law of Christ.

Now, the word

law there means

modelling our

whole life on

the example

of Jesus

Christ.

Verse 2

reflects back

into what

Paul has

already said

in chapter 5,

verses 13

and 14.

You, my

brothers and

sisters, serve

one another

humbly in

love, for

the entire

law is

fulfilled in

keeping this

one command,

love your

neighbour as

yourself.

God, the

God, the

Son, the

one who

existed in

eternity in

perfect

relationship, in

harmony, came

into this world as

a human being.

God, the

God, the

Son, the

one who

existed in

eternity in

perfect

relationship, in

harmony, came

into this world as

a human being

and he didn't

just come near

to us.

He didn't just

come in our

orbit around

us, he

became one

of us,

one of us.

and even

more, he

didn't just

come along

beside us

to carry

some of

our burdens

in allowing

some of

our sin

and frailty

and our

failures and

our flaws

to come

across onto

him until

we can pull

ourselves

together and

move on

with the

burden.

He allowed

the entire

weight of

the burden

of all of

humanity to

slide across

onto him.

the only

perfect human

being.

He took

it all.

He took

the full

weight of

human sin

and suffering

upon the

cross at

Calvary.

Isaiah 53

puts it like

this.

He took

up our

pain and

bore our

suffering.

He was

pierced for

our transgressions.

He was

crushed for

our iniquities.

The punishment

that brought

us peace

was on

him.

And by

his wounds

we have

been healed.

The major

dislocation

has been

fixed through

Jesus suffering

the pain

for us

to put us

right with

God.

The Lord

has laid

on him

the iniquity

of us

all.

He was the

one who

was crushed

by the

weight of

the burden

of human

sin

because of

our rejection

of our

creator God.

God

crushed

himself

with the

burden

that should

be ours.

Why?

Because he's

the ultimate

friend.

He has

loved his

neighbour.

he has

loved those

who are

unlovable.

In

John 15

Jesus

says

love each

other

as I

have

loved

you.

Greater

love has

no one

than this

to lay

down

one's

life

for

one's

friends.

And

you

are

my

friends.

Not

you are

my

followers.

Not

you are

my

servants.

Not

you are

my

subjects.

You

are

my

friends

if you

do what

I

command.

I

no

longer

call

you

servants

because

a

servant

does

not

know

his

master's

business.

Instead

I

have

called

you

friends.

So

love

each

other

as

I

have

loved

you.

How

much

more

vulnerable

can

you

get

than

being

stripped

naked

in front

of all

of your

followers

all

of your

friends

all

of your

families

all

of your

village

outside

of a

city of

Jerusalem

on a

hill

nailed

to a

cross

for

there is

nothing

hidden.

How

much

more

dependable

could

someone

be

that

they

would

rather

die

for

your

flaws

for

your

failing

for

your

sin

for

your

selfishness

for

your

pride

than

give

up

on

you.

You

see

when

we

see

Jesus

being

that

friend

to

us

bearing

our

infinite

burden

then

we

can

bear

each

other's

finite

burdens

as

true

spiritual

friends

to

one

another.

So let

me just

say

really

briefly

there is

so much

to unpack

here.

I want

to say

three

things by

implication.

I think

there's only

two in

your

notes.

Very

quickly

number

one

which is

not in

your

notes.

If

you're

already

in a

community

group

and

your

community

group

is

about

information

transfer

and

not

about

building

connection

with

one

another

there's

an

imbalance

that

needs

to

shift.

I'll

just

leave

that

one

there.

Secondly,

the

second

implication

is our

three

vision

series

projects.

Let

me

try

to

connect

them

to

you

a

little

bit

in

this.

We

are

raising

money

in

this

vision

series

to

see

our

neighbours

come

to

know

the

ultimate

friend

in

Jesus.

The

ultimate

friend

who

will

never

leave

them,

who

will

never

abandon

them,

the

one

who

truly

loves

their

neighbour,

an

ultimate

friend

who

will

fill

up

every

single

longing

of the

heart.

And we

are seeking

to do

it in

our

church

family

home.

We

serve

our

community

with

this

news

from

this

base,

our

church

family

home,

that

needs

its

upgrades

and

its

other

maintenance

issues

to make

it fit

for a

gathering

point

for

connection

and

hospitality

and

dialogue

and

friendship

for

members

of our

community

that

are

feeling

a

growing

weight

of

isolation

and

loneliness.

And we're

seeking to

raise funds

not just

for those

two things

but with

a particular

focus

on youth

and young

adults

in our

neighbourhood

who are

the most

isolated

and lonely

in this

day.

And so

to

use the

words of

Jesus

if you

like,

give

to these

projects,

give

generously

that you

might win

eternal

friends

for

yourself.

The

third

implication

is what

is your

personal

next

step.

There is

absolutely

no such

thing

in the

Bible,

Old

Testament

and

New

that

would

in

any

way

encourage,

support,

condone,

isolated

Christian

faith.

It does

not exist.

It's a

concept,

a category

that does

not exist

in

Christianity.

The

main

source

of such

spiritual

friendships

here at

St.

Paul's

is our

community

groups.

If you're

not in

one,

I want

to encourage

you strongly

to join

one.

And if

you're

already

one,

go back

to my

first point,

what is

your next

step to

take the

relationships

in that

group

to a

deeper

level?

What we're

going to do

now is we're

going to

participate

together in

the Lord's

Supper.

love

to

love

to

love

to

love

to

love

to

love

to

love

to

Jesus,

our

true

and

dependable

friend

who

became

vulnerable

for us,

for you.

And we're

going to

thank God

and I

encourage you

to do

this in a

moment of

reflection

and

quietness.

Can I

get my

helpers

to come

and

distribute

now?

In a

moment of

reflections

and

quietness,

thank God

for the

spiritual

friends that

he has

put in

your life,

including

the ones

in this

church

right now.

Because

God has

not just

chosen us

as his

friends in

Jesus,

in terms

of our

relationship

with him,

he in

his

providence

has

chosen

us

to be

friends

in

Jesus

together

right now

in this

day and

age.

So that

means that

if your

spiritual

friends are

primarily

outside of

this

community,

there's

another

imbalance

that needs

to be

corrected.

In the

Lord's

Supper,

it is

Jesus

who has

provided

the feast

and so

we're

reflecting

on him.

It is

he who

has

provided

the

feast

and

this

day

in his

providence,

it is

he who

has

chosen

the

guest

list

to

enjoy

it

together.

So as

we do

this,

let us

not forget

our host

as we

eat and

drink

with

grateful

hearts

for the

mercy

of

himself

and

the

mercy

of

each

other.

And as

we do,

may we

also be

reflecting

and praying

that we

might become

better friends

of Jesus

and that we

might become

better friends

of Jesus

together

as we

become better

friends of

each

other.