The Structure of Marriage

Well, good morning, everyone. If you'd like to keep your Bibles open there, that would be fantastic.

We have, as John has said, we are partway through, quite a way through actually, our series on marriage, where we're looking at Ephesians 5, 21 to 33.

We've seen the mystery of the marriage, the profound mystery of marriage, is that the gospel of Jesus Christ and marriage explain each other.

There are things we would not know about marriage if it was not for the gospel, and there are things about the gospel we wouldn't know if it wasn't for marriage.

Marriage, as I've said a number of times, is a human relationship, but it is the penultimate relationship.

It points to the eternal marriage of Christ and his church.

One of the things I've also said early in this series is that everything that Ephesians 5 says about marriage comes after he tells us about the power that we need in order to be married as God describes it.

And that is, what we need is the indwelling work of the Holy Spirit, pointing us consistently to the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, who surrendered his will for our sake.

And so Ephesians 5, 21, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, is really the foundational verse before the rest of that gets unpacked in the marriage relationship.

And so what I've been saying consistently is that we need to be captivated by Christ or struck by his selflessness,

because self-centeredness, our self-centeredness, the human heart, is the main havoc-wreaking problem in many marriages,

and is certainly the ever-present enemy in every marriage.

And that's certainly the case with the issue that we're addressing today on the topic of the structure of marriage.

The subject of gender roles in marriage is contentious.

It is certainly controversial.

But more importantly than it being intellectually contentious or culturally contentious and controversial,

it is an issue which for some is deeply personal,

which is why we wanted to put the things we put up there just before Nick's announcement.

It is deeply personal for some people and potentially for you sitting in the room now.

And that is because verses like Ephesians 5 here have been used as weapons of both oppression and rebellion in marriages.

Sin has infected every human culture, every human culture,

in such a way that they have found a way,

those cultures found a way to interpret headship and submission

in a way that has marginalized and oppressed women.

Too many women have suffered abuse at the hands of self-centered men

with a sense of entitlement who have no desire to follow Christ,

but take virtue of this and twist them

and to form unbiblical definitions of headship and submission to pump up their egos.

And in my time as a pastor,

I've had the unpleasant task of confronting that scenario on numerous occasions.

And it's something that we as a church take seriously

and should never, ever put up with.

But despite all of that,

this issue must be explored because it's in Scripture.

It's as God,

God's communicating something that's very important here.

And the other reason we must look at it from God's perspective

is that every single one of us come into marriage

with an idea of how a husband should behave towards his wife

and a wife towards her husband.

We bring that regardless of these verses.

So I'm going to ask you to tune in

and I'm going to ask you to stay with me.

Whether you identify yourself as egalitarian,

a feminist, a traditionalist, a complementarian,

or any other variety of the interpretive spectrum,

the differences between a man and a woman

will become an unavoidable issue in marriage.

You can't dodge it.

And as we look into this issue of the structure of marriage and gender roles,

we must begin with a look at the good that God intended

and how men and women have corrupted that good

and what Jesus has done to redeem it

and therefore how we practice it.

But it's only until we understand that core principles start with

can we then move into the hazardous concepts of authority and submission

and headships.

So I'm leading us this morning into a minefield

and you wait on the sidelines while I walk in there for a moment

and throw myself on the grenades.

So here's the structure for this morning as we go through.

So the background to Ephesians 5 on marriage

is the beginning of the Bible and God creating the material universe.

The first mention of the Bible, of gender in the Bible,

occurs with the very first mention of humanity itself.

Genesis 1, 26, 28,

God created mankind in his own image.

In the image of God, he created them.

Male and female, he created them.

God blessed them and said to them,

Be fruitful and increase in number.

Fill the earth and subdue it.

Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky

and over every living creature that moves on the ground.

Now, I'm going to go over some territory.

I've already been here just because it's just helpful to be reminded of it.

The wording of verse 26 is very important.

The words, let us, God saying, let us and our point to the plurality of God.

It's the Christian doctrine of the Trinity.

It's the first glimpses of it we get.

But, so God is plural, three in one,

but the words image and likeness are both in the original Hebrew language in singular form.

Plurality of God, but the image and the likeness of God is singular.

The God of the Bible, in whose image humanity is created,

is an eternal community.

And that's the only way, as I said a couple of weeks ago,

the only way you can come to terms with Genesis 2.18.

The Lord God said,

It is not good for a man to be alone.

I will make a suitable helper for him.

So Adam is alone and it's not good.

It's the only thing in the creation account that's described as not good.

That is, Adam is incomplete.

This is before sin entered the world.

And so God declares,

I will make a helper suitable for him.

Now, the woman is created differently than the way Adam was created.

But she is created directly by God.

And there's no sense in the biblical accounts at all

that she is in any way inferior to the male,

in any sense.

Genesis 2.18 calls her a helper suitable for him.

And the English word helper translates the Hebrew word.

I've done this before.

I want to go over it again.

It translates the Hebrew word that is almost always used in the Bible

to describe God's helping of Israel.

The helper is someone who makes up for what is lacking in the other.

In other words, if the word is used of God,

there is no sense at all that God is in any way inferior to Israel.

He is their savior, their rescue, their Lord.

You see, the same word is used not just of God,

but it's also used in the Old Testament to describe the military help.

Like, for instance, military reinforcements of troops,

which if they didn't get the reinforcements,

the battle would be lost.

So the woman is not a domestic assistant.

The woman is a strong helper.

She is a savior friend to the male, to the man.

And so even right at the very beginning of Genesis,

men and women are created with absolute equality.

Both are made in the image of God.

Both are equally blessed.

Both are equally commissioned to have dominion of the earth,

to exercise authority over the earth.

Both.

What this means is that men and women together,

in full participation together,

carry out God's mandate to rule the world.

But God then tells them,

straight after creating the man and male and female,

he tells them to be fruitful and fill the earth.

That is, that mandate there is a mandate to procreate,

and it's a mandate that reflects God's own boundless,

life-giving creativity.

The God who is a source of life,

his mandate is to reflect his life-giving creativity

in the procreation of children.

And it's a mandate,

still to this day,

whatever you think about views of gender,

that we have to carry out in complementary union.

None of us by ourselves have the ability

to fulfil that mandate.

So these verses strongly suggest

that the sexes, male and female,

are equal in dignity and worth,

but also different,

and they are complementary to one another.

In fact, the word suitable,

again, feels a bit weak.

The word suitable there in Genesis,

translate a phrase that is,

you could kind of,

you literally translate it as,

like opposite him,

which is another way of saying,

God created woman

who is just like the man,

but also opposite to the man.

And so when the woman is brought to the man

in the first marriage ceremony,

Adam doesn't go,

whoa, humdinger.

He actually,

it's a poetry language of flesh of my flesh

and bone of my bone.

It's a language which goes,

you are like me,

and yet you're different than me.

You are mysterious,

but I'm drawn to you.

If you like,

they are two pieces of a puzzle.

They fit together

because they're not exactly alike,

nor are they randomly different.

They complete each other.

And so what the Bible teaches us

is that our gender

is not incidental

to our humanness,

but it actually constitutes

its very essence.

It goes right down

into the very core

of who you are,

into every cell of who you are.

And what that means is

we cannot understand ourselves

if we try to ignore the way

that God has designed us.

Now, one of the first,

ironically,

one of the first feminist studies

that argued for the irreducible

gender indifference

was Carol Gilligan's

A Different Voice,

1980s,

early 1980s,

I think it was written.

It's been described

as a little book

that started a revolution,

translated in over 20 different languages,

a New York Times bestseller,

continues to be used today.

Now, Gilligan,

a Jewish feminist,

argued against

what was happening

in her circle

she was arguing

against social theories

that tried to emphasise

a gender indifference,

that if there was any differences,

that they were only superficial differences,

that really were superficial differences

based on culture and social constructs.

what she insisted,

with science,

with science,

with research,

that female psychology development,

psychological development,

their motivations

and even moral reasoning

were different than those of males.

women

were different than those of them.

She said you could see it

right from the get-go

from before they could even speak.

And she argued

absolutely convincingly

amongst other things

that while men seek maturity

by detaching themselves relationally,

becoming independent,

women see themselves maturing

as they attach themselves

and become interdependent

relationally.

She said that's the irreducible differences

between the two

in summary form.

And I would have to say

that what Gilligan,

whether she realised it or not,

observed about gender difference

is clearly played out

in Genesis 3,

negatively,

where man and woman,

they rebel against God's design

and his rule

and the immediate

and catastrophic

change

in their unity

between them

is just

beyond comprehension.

Immediately,

rather than a oneness

and a union

and a complementing

of one another,

there is blame shifting

and finger pointing

and accusation.

instead of

the difference

being a source

of completion

of one another

and joy for one another,

it becomes

an occasion

for oppression

and exploitation.

The woman

remains

dependent

and desirous

of her husband.

Her curse,

you might notice

up there,

is a relational curse.

You will desire

your husband

but he will rule

it over you

and his protection

and love

becomes a selfish lust

and an exploitation

of her.

He will dominate her.

The man,

his curse,

a desire

to detach himself

from relationally

and set his course

as an independent person

to dominate

and rule the world,

his curse is

your work

will be your burden.

The thing

that you think

will be your salvation

will exploit you

and dominate you

and likewise

for the woman,

the thing

that you think

will be your salvation

will dominate you

and exploit you.

What,

the whole point

of this

is to see

the equality

and the differences

but also

to see

that

the problem

in marriage

is not

Ephesians 5.

The problem

is not

God's design.

The problem

is sin.

and the

profound

self-centeredness

of the human heart

that grabs

hold

of Ephesians 5

and says

I can use

this as a weapon.

So,

let's unpack

how we,

therefore,

if marriage

is a picture,

if it meant

to display,

reflect a greater glory,

let's look

at how we do

that in marriage.

Ephesians 5.

tells us

that this is,

in fact,

the profound

mystery of marriage

between a man

and a woman.

It's a living

illustration

of the relationship

between,

the saving

relationship

between

Christ

and his church.

And so,

when

Ephesians 5

talks about

specific roles,

what is happening

here

is it's

revealing

something

magnificent

and about

God.

And what

we discover

is that

Jesus

is the

pattern

for both

genders

and both

roles.

First of all,

we see it

in the submission

of Jesus.

Philippians 2,

Philippians 2:5–11

verses 5 to 11,

celebrate

that although

Jesus was

equal with

God,

he entered

himself of

his glory

and took

on the role

of a servant.

And these

verses teach

quite clearly

the equality

of the father

and the son,

but also

the voluntary

submission

of the son

to the

father

to secure

our salvation

for the

glory of

the father.

Nowhere

in the

New Testament

are we

told in

any way,

hinted at

in any

way,

the

God,

the

father

coerced,

forced,

manipulated,

or subjugated

the son

in any

way

whatsoever.

His

submission,

the submission

of the

son

is wholly

voluntary.

It was

his gift

to his

father.

And the

father

accepts

the gift

according to

Philippians

to,

and exalts

the son

to the

highest

place.

In other

words,

what happens

is each

exists to

please the

other,

to exalt

the other,

to love

and honour

the other.

and so

there's

this

reciprocal,

the

love and

honour

are given,

they are

accepted,

and they

are given

again.

And in

no sense

at all

from

Philippians

2,

is the

submission,

the voluntary

submission of

Jesus,

an assault

on his

dignity or

his divinity

in any way

whatsoever.

it was

in fact

the path,

it was

the path

to the

father giving

him greater

glory.

This

is the

vibrant

life of

the

trinity.

The

father and

son

relationship

is a

pattern of

the

relationship

between

the

husband

to

wife.

Submission

in marriage

is a

gift

offered

by the

wife

to the

husband

for her

greater

glory.

But

Jesus is

also the

pattern for

the husband.

It would

be a

mistake,

I think,

it would be a

mistake,

and husbands,

you need to

hear this,

it's a

mistake to

see that

it takes

an equal

degree of

submission

for men

to submit

to their

roles as

servant

leaders.

Particularly

if we

see ourselves

maturing by

detachment

and

independence.

you see,

what Jesus

does in

his life,

in his

ministry,

in his

teaching,

is he

doesn't give

us a

different

definition

of

leadership,

he doesn't

give us an

alternative,

what he

does is he

actually reveals

the true

definition

of what

leadership

actually is

in every

sense,

in all

leadership,

all

leadership

is.

greatness is

the one

who is

most

self-effacing,

most

sacrificial,

most

devoted to

the good

of the

other.

A famous

passage,

John 13,

Jesus

washes

these

disciples'

feet.

servant,

and what's

famous about

it is that

the master,

the one

that they

have become

to know

as the

Lord,

becomes

the servant,

takes on

the role

of the

lowest

activity

of a

servant

in Jesus'

culture,

to wash

the feet

of those

who were

superior.

And what

he demonstrates

here in the

most dramatic

way is that

authority and

leadership mean

that you become

the servant.

You die to

serve in

order to

love and

to serve

others.

As Jesus

tells us in

Mark 10,

he did not

come to be

served but

to serve

and to

serve to

the point

of surrendering

his life

to death.

That much

of a

sacrifice.

And so

what Jesus

reveals

directly from

the God

head,

the design

of creation

is that

all

authority

is

servant

authority.

Not some

of it,

all

authority

is

servant.

There is

no other

definition

except one

that's

redefined

by sin.

Any

exercise

of authority

and power

to please

or advance

yourself

is in

effect

an

abdication

of

authority

and

leadership.

That's

what it

is.

It's an

abdication

of authority

and leadership.

And so

in Ephesians

5,

the husband

submits

to the

role of

servant

leader

who uses

his authority

and his

power

to express

a love

that does

not even

stop

at dying

for his

beloved.

That's

headship

in

Ephesians

5.

In other

words,

when you

step back

and you

look at

Ephesians

5,

both

headship

and

submission,

both husband

and wife

get to

play the

role of

Jesus

in their

marriage.

Jesus

in his

sacrificial

submission

or Jesus

in his

sacrificial

authority

to their

spouse.

So,

how do

we work

against

sin,

which

happened in

the Garden

of Eden,

where the

oneness,

because of

sin,

there's

separation

and fear,

lack of

vulnerability,

cover up.

What does it

look like in

practice?

What is this

gender role

and difference?

What does it

mean in

actual

practice?

Now,

without your

pen and

your paper,

because,

actually,

don't do

that,

because I'm

not going

to give

you a

list at

all.

This is,

in fact,

where it's

incredibly

frustrating for

those who

want lists,

for those who

want rules,

for those who

want just a

job description.

You know,

Steve,

could you whip

out a job

description and

just print one

out and send

us to it

tomorrow and

tell me what

my role is.

This is where

the Bible

gives us,

I mean,

it tells us

this and

doesn't give

us any

details.

It's what

it looks

like.

Nowhere,

nowhere anywhere

in the Bible

does it say

that a wife

should stay

at home,

never have

a career,

be responsible

for the

childcare and

the cooking.

Neither does

it say

husbands are

the breadwinners,

they're to do

the home

maintenance,

manage the

finances and

choose the

family car.

Nowhere at

all does

it say that,

at all.

Any such

stereotypes

are entirely

culturally

driven.

They are

not the

definition of

the

traditional

Christian

marriage at

all in

any way.

In fact,

in Jesus'

time,

there's no

way those

cultural

stereotypes

would have

worked.

The cultural

stereotypes that

we think in

Western

civilisation are

traditional

cultural

marriage,

traditional

Christian

marriage,

arose out

of

enlightenment

and the

industrialised

age.

We're

flocking to

the city

and for

the first

time in

history,

the man

gets up

or someone

gets up

and has

got to

go to

work in

a factory.

Well,

who looks

after the

kids?

You can't

take them

to the

factory.

Before

the

industrialised

age,

in an

agrarian

culture,

both husband

and wife

were in

the

paddock,

as you'll

find in

most farms

today.

They're both

in the

paddock.

They're both

doing,

well,

they didn't

have cars,

you know,

fixing the

cart or the

camel or

whatever it

is.

They're both

doing that

work.

You see,

the Bible

was written

for all

cultures

across the

centuries,

and so

any rigid

cultural

gender roles

have no

biblical

warrant at

all.

If you're

feeling guilty

at all

about any

of that

stuff,

you should

not.

The Bible

allows for

freedom in

the particulars

while still

upholding the

principle.

The basic

roles of

leader and

helper

are binding,

or if you

like,

the basic

function of

leader and

helper are

binding.

people

must work

out for

themselves

how this

is expressed

in their

marriage.

The very

process of

actually going

through that

is what I

think is part

of what it

means to

honour your

gender

differences.

rather than

just walking

into it,

which most

of us do,

walk into

marriage just

assuming the

roles that

we've inherited

without giving

it any thought

whatsoever as

to what the

biblical structure

of it might

be.

And so,

husbands, if I

can speak to

you,

some of

us may

need to

work on

the leader

part of

being a

servant

leader.

That is,

we're more

likely to

give in and

just go,

yeah,

whatever,

whatever,

whatever,

whatever.

And therefore,

when we do

that, we're

abdicating to

the wife to

make the

decision.

Dig down

our heart,

we just

don't want to

have to go

there.

We don't

want to take

the responsibility.

And so,

for some

of us,

that's what

we need

to do.

For me,

I've had to

work on

the servant

part of

the servant

leadership in

my marriage.

My

maleness is

that I

tend to

be, and

always have

been,

someone who

has looked

outward and

looked forward

in life.

I tend

to be quick

to step

stand on

principle,

to be

logical in

my problem

solving,

to planning

a course

of action

and getting

a job

done.

And those

gifts have

been affirmed

not just by

Nat, but

affirmed by

people in

life for me,

even in my

very first

job as a

15-year-old.

gift.

But even

those gifts

must be

balanced

because,

as it

turns out,

I should

never have

locked in the

date and

venue for

our wedding

without

consulting

that.

And in

my

mildness,

I can't

even believe

it really,

that I

did it,

but in

my

mildness,

I was

genuinely

surprised that

she was

shocked and

not affirming

the decisiveness

of it.

Apparently,

I'm

frustratingly

masculine in

my

independence.

And yet,

Nat has

continued to

affirm my

gifting while

also on

many, many

occasions and

constantly leaning

into me to

help me to

see the

impact of

my giftedness,

my independence

on her and

others to

balance it

out.

And when

she leans

into that,

either

frustratingly

or really

kindly and

helpfully,

it doesn't

matter,

either way,

the reason

that I

need to

listen is

because Nat,

like no one

else, has

experienced the

negativity, the

sin, the

wickedness of

my unbalanced

maleness.

She sees it

in a way that

no one else

does.

and experience

it like no

one else

does.

And so she

could say to

me,

you need to

know how

this felt.

and so she

pushes me and

pushes me and

pushes me.

Can I

say,

this is my

fifth sermon,

I think, on

marriage that I've

done.

Are we up to

number six?

I can't remember.

Marriage number

six.

I think it's

five.

I've been doing

the reporting,

but Nat and I

both together

are behind

these messages.

She has

contributed.

I bring in the

Hebrew and the

biblical stuff,

but it is the

worked out

reality of it

that is not

just me and

my vocation

and education,

it is us,

even if I'm doing

the reporting.

so I just

want to make

that clear.

I, as a

male, have

needed all,

I need all

the help I

can get.

And that's

particularly so

because I've

got four people

who are opposite

to me in the

home.

And God knew

exactly what I

needed.

He knew

exactly what I

needed.

I need all the

help I can get.

And what is

incredible is

that after

nearly three

decades, I

think, with

Nat, I've

learnt to

look at life

from her

perspective.

Not in the

same way she

does, but I

will find

myself in

pastoral

scenarios and

a whole range

of things,

and I will

come quicker

to what

Nat's view

might be on

this scenario.

I did

something

recently

and I

listened to

my

maleness

and before

I got

home and

reported to

Nat, I

knew exactly

what I

should have

done because

I knew

exactly what

she would

say.

And she

did.

Of course,

then my

sinfulness

went into

self-justification

mode.

she has

been a

strong

helper to

save me

from drifting

into, on

the one

hand, toxic

masculinity,

and on the

other hand,

from abdicating

my masculinity

so that she

has to pick

up the

leadership role.

So husband

and wife are

there to

complement each

other.

And on a

deeper level,

we find out

who we

really are

because of

our spouse.

Because no

one can see

us the way

they see

us.

They see all

of our sins

and our

failings and

our faults

and our

weaknesses like

no other

one.

And they

experience it,

they are on

the receiving

end of it,

like no

other.

And so

in marriage,

as Nick

said last

week,

marriage a

truth,

loving

commitment

and grace,

a person

who is

like me

but opposite

me,

that person

is healing

me.

They're

shaping me.

And it

goes both

ways.

You know,

recently Nat

was frustrated

with an

issue and

to do,

I didn't

know what

the issue

was,

I actually

can't be

who it

was,

but there

was this

issue where,

I think it

was at work

where she

needed to

fire off an

email and

she actually

was so

passionate

about it,

she said,

I'm just

going to

send him

an email.

And I

said,

hang on a

bit,

maybe just

sleep on

it for a

bit.

Or maybe

just draft

something and

send it to

me and

then I'll

have a look

at it and

maybe send

it tomorrow.

And she

did.

I looked at

it,

I came up

with a few

edits,

sent it back

to her and

she said to

me,

I'm so glad

that you

said that to

me and

your edits

were just

the right

wording and

I sent it

off.

You see

what's

happened

there?

Nat

and I

swapped

roles.

That is,

she became

like me in

the first

instance and

I was like

her, she

taught me to

do that.

She taught

me to hang

on a bit,

sleep on

it.

I hope

I've given

her a little

bit more

than just

I'm going to

fire off an

email.

But hopefully

the decisiveness

at that point

or taking

initiative at

that point

might be a

helpful thing,

I don't know.

But it

goes both

ways.

Now let me

just say,

while the

practical

details are

missing in

Ephesians 5,

the principles

of how

authority and

submission

work out

are not

missing.

So I'm

going to

mention

four things

and I

want to

mention

them from

the negative

of what

submission and

headship and

authority are

not.

So first

of all,

the husband's

authority,

like the

authority of

Jesus over

his church,

is never

used to

please himself

but only to

serve the

interests of

his wife.

That is,

a headship

does not

mean a

husband simply

makes all

the decisions

and it

certainly

doesn't mean

he gets

his own

way in

every

disagreement.

Why?

Because Jesus

never did

anything to

please himself.

A servant

leader must

sacrifice his

wants and

his needs

and particularly

blokes for

your own

personal

advancement,

in order to

build up and

to please

your spouse.

Secondly,

a wife in

her submission

is never

meant to be

merely compliant

but is to

use her

resources to

empower.

She is to

be her

husband's

most trusted

friend,

counsellor,

and corrector

as he

is hers.

To

complement

each other

means

husband and

wife need

to hear

each other

out,

they need

to make

their

arguments,

and they

need to

discern a

way forward.

Now,

that's

hard.

It's

hard work

and it

involves

loving

disagreement

with

affection

until you

sharpen,

enrich,

and enhance

each other

on multiple

occasions

in our

life together.

The course

of action

that we

have gone

as a

couple

and that

I've

made the

call on

to go

on.

Nat

has

sharpened

that

decision,

hasn't

ultimately

changed the

direction,

but brought

so much

nuance and

sharpened

it in

such a

way that

the

actual,

if you

like,

execution of

the decision

has been

entirely

hers,

her making,

even if

the decision,

the direction

was mine.

You see,

the wife

must bring

every gift

and resource

that she

has to

the discussion

and the

husband must,

as any

wise leader

should,

know when

to allow

his wife's

expertise

to trump

his own

and his

own less

well-informed

opinion.

That is,

a servant

leader means,

and any

secular book

on this

will tell

you,

means to be

a servant

leader,

you cannot

always be

the smartest

man in

the room.

In fact,

you ought

not be.

Number three,

Ephesians 5

does not

mean a

wife is

not to

give a

husband

unconditional

obedience

when it

says the

words,

in

everything.

No

human being

should give

any other

human being

unconditional

obedience.

As Peter

says,

we must

obey God

rather than

man.

a wife,

let me be

clear on

this,

a wife

should not

obey or

aid a

husband in

doing things

that God

forbids,

such as

breaking the

law,

or obey

him in

abusing

her in

any way,

what's

safe,

or any

form

whatsoever.

For

example,

if a

husband

physically

abuses

his wife,

the strong

help that

you become

in that

moment,

that you

should exercise

as a

wife,

is to

love and

forgive your

husband in

your heart,

but you

should also

call the

police and

have him

arrested.

You

should do

both.

Absolutely

do both.

It is

never kind,

it is

never loving

to anyone

to make

any form

of excuse

for wrong

behaviour.

And there

is no

sense in

Ephesians 5

that the

husband can

in any

way,

shape,

form,

order his

wife around

in daily

life.

Nothing in

Ephesians 5

would lead

you to

conclude

that.

He has

no right

to order

her to

wash the

dishes.

no right

to order

her to

go to

work.

No right

to order

her to

stop

going to

work.

No right

to order

her not

to go to

church or

to a

community

group.

He has

no right

to order

her to

have sex.

No right

to order

her to

have

anything

at all,

do anything

at all.

That's

not what

headship

is.

Number

four,

husbands

assuming

the role

of

headship

is only

done

for

purposes

for

serving

your

wife

and

family.

Can we

understand

what

headship

is now?

Can we

understand

what the

authority

is?

It's